9 Silent Mbendera Zofiira Mu Ubale Palibe Amene Akukamba za

Chikondi, kukhulupirirana, ulemu, ndi kulankhulana bwino ndizo maziko a ubale wabwino. Ngati zinthuzi zikusowa, zingathandize kuwunika ngati pali mbendera zofiira zopanda phokoso muubwenzi. Izi ndi zizindikiro zochenjeza zomwe nthawi zambiri zimadziwonetsa munthu akangoyamba chibwenzi koma amazinyalanyaza chifukwa zimangowoneka ngati nkhani zazing'ono zomwe sizifunikira chisamaliro.

Tonse tikudziwa zizindikiro zoonekeratu monga kulamulira khalidwe, kuzunzidwa m'maganizo kapena thupi, kusowa ulemu, kugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo, nkhanza zakuthupi, kusokoneza, ndi nsanje yoopsa, kungotchula zochepa chabe. Koma kodi mbendera zofiira chete muubwenzi zimatanthauza chiyani? Kuti tiyankhe funsoli ndi kumvetsetsa zizindikiro, tinalankhula ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Jaseena Backer (MS Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wowongolera jenda ndi ubale.

9 Silent Mbendera Zofiira Mu Ubale Palibe Amene Akukamba za

Jaseena akuti, "Mbendera zofiira zopanda phokoso ndizomwe sizikuwonekera kapena zomveka ngati zodziwikiratu monga nkhanza, kusokoneza, ndi kuyatsa gasi. Siziwoneka koma ndizowopsa monga mbendera ina yofiira. Mwinanso, makamaka chifukwa kuchita nawo kungakhale kosokoneza, ndipo n'kovuta kudziwa kuti ndi chiyani kwenikweni za ubalewo ndizovuta. Mbendera zofiyira zoterozo zikuphatikizapo mkhalidwe wakusalingalira muubwenzi, kusathokoza kapena kupepesa, kukhala ndi zinthu mopambanitsa, kuyembekezera kuti muziika patsogolo zinthuzo koma osachitanso chimodzimodzi, ndi kukupatsani ziwopsezo kapena zilango.”

Anthu amapitirizabe kukhala ndi zibwenzi zomwe zimasonyeza makhalidwe otere chifukwa amaona kuti akhoza kusokoneza ndi kunyalanyaza makhalidwe amenewa powagwirizanitsa ndi chikondi ndi chikondi chomwe wokondedwa wawo amawasonyeza. Mbendera zofiira zobisika izi mwa mwamuna kapena mkazi ndizizindikiro za kusagwirizana komwe kulipo, kusamvetsetsana komanso kugwirizana kwamalingaliro, ndi mavuto ena omwe angakhalepo pakati pa okondedwa. Ubale woterewu ukhoza kulosera za thanzi ndi moyo wautali wa a maubale okhalitsa. 

Mukayamba kuwona machenjezo otere, mutha kudzifunsa kuti: "Kodi izi ndi mbendera zofiira kapena ndikungoganiza mopambanitsa?" Zingakutsogolereni kukayikira malingaliro anu ndikudzifunsa nokha, "Kodi kuganiza mozama ndi mbendera yofiira?" Komabe, muyenera kudziŵa kuti ngati mukuona kuti pali chinachake cholakwika, n’kutheka kuti n’cholakwika. Kuzindikira mbendera zofiira zachete mwa mkazi kapena mwamuna yemwe muli naye pachibwenzi kudzakuthandizani kuthana nazo, kugwira ntchito limodzi kuti muchotse zinthuzo, ndikumanga ubale wabwino ndi mnzanuyo. Nawa mbendera zofiira 9 zaubwenzi zomwe palibe amene amalankhula koma ayenera:

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1. Okondedwa anu nthawi zambiri amakuuzani kuipa kwa maubwenzi

Ngati munthu amene mumamukonda ndipo mukufuna kukhala naye nthawi zonse amapusa ponena za momwe alili oipa pa maubwenzi achikondi kapena apamtima kapena momwe angapangire mnzanu woipa chifukwa sali 'zachuma', ndi chizindikiro chochenjeza kuti muthamange kutali ndi munthu uyu. Onjezani kwa anu zibwenzi zofiira mbendera fufuzani chifukwa munthu akamanena kuti amayamwa maubwenzi omwe akhalapo kwa nthawi yayitali, ndi chizindikiro chodziwikiratu cha zowawa zomwe mungakumane nazo m'tsogolomu. 

Jaseena akufotokoza kuti: “Ngati mnzanu amene mukufuna kukwatirana naye akupitiriza kunena kuti sali munthu woyenerera kwa inu kuchita naye chibwenzi kapena kumukonda, dziwani kuti khalidwe lotereli n’loterera.

Momwe mungachitire

Njira zingapo zothanirana ndi malingaliro osasamala muubwenzi ndi awa:

• Zindikirani kuti si nthabwala ngakhale mnzanuyo akutanthauza kuti ndi imodzi
• Yesetsani kukambirana nawo momasuka ndi moona mtima za chifukwa chimene akumvera ndi zimene mungachite kuti zinthu ziwayendere bwino
• Apatseni mlandu chifukwa cha zolakwa zawo ndi machitidwe awo m'malo mowalola kuti achoke ndi chowiringula cha "Ndinakuuzani kuti sindichita bwino"
• Ganizirani zochoka ngati wokondedwa wanu sakuwonetsa kudzipereka

2. Kusamvera

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira zomwe zimanyalanyazidwa kwambiri mwa munthu. Negging ndi njira yopusitsira pomwe munthu amagwiritsa ntchito mawu oyamikira kapena ndemanga zonyoza mnzake kapena kumupangitsa kumva ngati sali bwino. Imeneyi ndi njira yokopana imene anthu amagwiritsa ntchito pofuna kusokoneza kudzidalira kwawo komanso kudzidalira kwawo asanawanyenge kapena kuwasonyeza chikondi. A phunziro ndi National Center for Biotechnology Information adatsimikiza kuti kudzudzula koyipa kumasokoneza magwiridwe antchito a ubale ndipo kumapereka chikhutiro chochepa kwa omwe akukhudzidwa.

Jaseena akufotokoza kuti, "Onani ngati mnzanuyo amakupangitsani kumva ngati simuli bwino. Kodi nthawi zonse amakufananitsani ndi ena? Kodi amakupangitsani kumva ngati simuli woyenera kukondedwa? kudziyang'anira pansi mavuto.”

Mawu ngati,

• "Ndiwe wonenepa koma wokongola"
• “Ukuwoneka wokongola. Sindinaganizepo kuti ungathe kuchichotsa ndi thupi la mtundu umenewo”
• "Uyendetse bwino mkazi"
• "Zikomo kwambiri chifukwa chakwezedwa! Ndadabwa kuti mwapeza"

… ndi zitsanzo za kunyalanyaza kapena “kudzudzula kolimbikitsa” monga mabwenzi odzikonda kapena onyenga amakonda kunena zabodza. Cholinga chake ndi kuwononga kudzidalira kwanu ndikukupangitsani kumva ngati mukufunikira chivomerezo cha wokondedwa wanu. Anthu ambiri amakonda kunyalanyaza koma sayenera chifukwa ndemanga yamtunduwu kapena kudzudzula kosalekeza paubwenzi ndi khalidwe lapoizoni ndi njira yonyenga. Kupatula apo, sizinthu zonse zoyamikira zomwe zimapangidwira kuti muzimva kuti ndinu apadera. Kutembenuka, kuyamikira kochuluka kungakhale mbendera yofiira.

Momwe mungachitire

Njira zingapo zochepetsera kukhumudwa ndi izi:

• Khalani odziletsa m'malo mobwezera chipongwe. Simuyenera kugwada pamlingo wa mnzanu kuti mubwererenso kwa iwo
• Gwiritsani ntchito nthabwala kuti musokoneze zomwe zikuchitika
• Muuzeni mnzanuyo kuti simukuyamikira kuyamikira kotereku ndipo ayenera kusiya khalidweli
• Chokani ngati mnzanu akukana kupepesa ndikupitirizabe

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3. Okondedwa anu amachedwa nthawi zonse

Kuchedwa ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira zomwe zili chete muubwenzi zomwe sizimaganiziridwa kuti ndizovuta kwambiri. Koma ziyenera. Ngati pali chifukwa chenicheni chomwe mnzanu wachedwera, ndizomveka. Mwina anagona kwambiri tsiku lina, anali ndi tsiku lotanganidwa kwambiri, anali kuchita zinthu zofunika kwambiri pamapeto pake, kapena anali ndi vuto ladzidzidzi loti awasamalire. Pakhoza kukhala zifukwa zina zingapo, ngakhale zokhudzana ndi thanzi lawo lamaganizo, ndipo ziri bwino. Koma ngati ikhala njira yobwerezabwereza, muli ndi vuto.

Kuchedwa nthawi zonse komanso osawonetsa chisoni ndi kupanda ulemu ndipo kumawonetsa kuti mnzanuyo alibe chidwi ndi inu. Ndichitsanzo chodziwikiratu cha khalidwe losalongosoka paubwenzi. Zimasonyeza kuti samangoyamikira kapena kulemekeza nthawi yanu komanso sakufuna kuchita zonse zimene munakonza. Zikatero, mukuganiza kuti ayesetsa kuchita chiyani? pangitsa kuti ubalewu ugwire ntchito? Kodi mukutsimikiza kuti amakukondani monganso inuyo? Ngati sakulemekeza nthawi yanu, nchiyani chimakupangitsani kuganiza kuti amakulemekezani monga munthu payekha? 

Momwe mungachitire

Nawa malangizo okuthandizani kuthana ndi vutoli:

• Lankhulani ndi wokondedwa wanu za izo ndipo mudziwitse kuti kuchedwa kwawo sikukondweretsa komanso kosalemekeza
• Dziwani chifukwa chake wokondedwa wanu amachedwa nthawi zonse ndipo yesetsani kupeza njira yapakati
• Khalani chitsanzo ndi njira zanu zoyendetsera nthawi
• Ngati kuchedwa kwa mnzanuyo kukusokonezani, imbani foni

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4. Chibwenzi chikuyenda mofulumira kwambiri

Jaseena anati: “Ngati chibwenzi chatsopano chikuyenda mofulumira kwambiri, ndiye kuti mwina simunaganizirepo zonsezi. Mwina mnzanuyo anakuthamangitsani kuti muyambe chibwenzicho moti simunapeze nthawi yoti muganizire ngati munapanga chisankho choyenera. Mwina simunapeze mpata womvetsa kapena kusanthula zomwe zikuchitika kapena chifukwa chake zikuchitika mofulumira kwambiri.

Zimamveka bwino kuona ubale watsopano kapena chikondi chamkuntho chikufika pamapeto ake opindulitsa m'mafilimu. Koma mukakumana ndi chibwenzi chofulumira m'moyo weniweni, ndibwino kuti mubwerere mmbuyo ndikuwunika momwe mukumvera. Zinthu zikamayenda mwachangu m'magawo oyamba, anthu amakonda kunyalanyaza mbendera zofiira ndipo satha kuwona mbali yoyipa ya abwenzi awo chifukwa akadali okwera pachikondi.

Ubale watsopano umafuna kuphunzitsidwa ndipo zimatenga nthawi. Sitikunena kuti zibwenzi zonse zamphepo zimalephera koma kuyenda mofulumira kwambiri pachibwenzi ikhoza kukhala mbendera yofiyira chete yomwe simunayiwone ikubwera. Zibwenzi zotere zimayamba kutha msanga - monga momwe amachitira pambuyo pa tsiku lachitatu lomwe munakhala nalo m'zaka zanu zaunyamata.

Momwe mungachitire

Nawa malangizo ochepa kuti muchepetse liwiro:

• Lankhulani moona mtima ndi wokondedwa wanu za nkhawa zanu, zomwe mukuyembekezera, ndi zosowa zanu
• Mvetserani zomwe akunena popanda kuweruza
• Pezani nthawi yokhala nokha ndikuchita zinthu zomwe mumakonda
• Khazikitsani malire ndikukambirana zoyenera kuchita ngati mmodzi wa inu adutsa malirewo
• Tenganipo pang'ono ndikudzifunsa momwe mukumvera paubwenzi ndi mnzanuyo. Kodi mumamva kuti mumalumikizana nawo kapena ndi zokopa chabe?

5. Wokondedwa wanu wasokonezeka pamalingaliro awo

Jaseena akuti, "Musanafike pamapeto, nthawi zonse dzifunseni - "Kodi mukumva kuti mnzanuyo akusokonezeka ndi malingaliro awo pa inu? Zochita za mnzako zikukudabwitsani ndi mmene chibwenzi chanu chilili? Ngati yankho n’lakuti inde, ndiye kuti mwina mnzanuyo sakumverani mofanana ndi mmene mumamvera mumtima mwake. Zifukwa zingakhale zingapo. Atha kukhala ndi zosatetezeka zawo kapena akhoza kukhala:

• Zokhudza mtima palibe
• Kuwopa kudzipereka
• Kuphwanya mkate
• Osatsimikiza za kukonzekera zam'tsogolo
• Kupanda chidwi ndi ubale
• Ndikuda nkhawa ngati nonse ndinu olingana

Kodi kusatetezeka ndi mbendera yofiira? Inde. Jaseena akufotokoza kuti: “Ngati mnzakoyo akulankhula nthaŵi zonse ndipo akukana kukamba nkhani iliyonse yokhudza ukwati kapena kumanga tsogolo limodzi, n’zoonekeratu kuti sakufuna kukhala nanu mpaka kalekale. Ngati mumayamikira ubwenzi, inu kulankhula za Inde zimatenga m'tsogolo, koma ngati mnzanuyo alibe chidwi, ndi mmodzi wa wochenjera mbendera wofiira mwamuna kapena mkazi. 

Momwe mungachitire

Umu ndi momwe mungathanirane ndi malingaliro osadzipereka a mnzanu:

• Apatseni nthawi ndi mpata kuti asinthe malingaliro awo ndi momwe akumvera pa inu
• Musawakakamize kupanga chisankho chokhudza inu ndi chibwenzi chanu
• Osapitirira kapena kuchoka panjira kuti musangalatse wokondedwa wanu. Iwo angayambe kukuonani mopepuka
• Yang'anani ndi mkhalidwewo modekha ndi mwabata. Kuchita mantha kumangowonjezera mkhalidwewo kwa nonsenu

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6. Kupsa mtima

N’chinthu china kukhala wodekha ndipo china n’kulephera kulamulira maganizo athu zinthu zikavuta. Ngati mnzanuyo amadziwika chifukwa cha kukwiya kwawo nthawi ndi nthawi, ndi chizindikiro chakuti sakudziwa momwe angayendetsere maganizo awo.

Mkwiyo ndi kusakhazikika kwamalingaliro ndi chimodzi mwa mbendera zofiira zofiira mwa mkazi kapena mwamuna zomwe simuyenera kunyalanyaza chifukwa amakuwa mopanda ulemu. Sikuti amangotuluka mwaukali, amangolankhula ndi mawu kuzunza zolunjika kwa inu ndipo chimenecho si chizindikiro cha ubale wabwino. Si zachilendo kukangana kapena maganizo osiyana. Koma ngati mnzanuyo wakwiya ndi dontho la chipewa, ndiye dziwani kuti muli pachibwenzi chapoizoni.

Jaseena anati: “Ngati mwakhala mukukangana kwambiri m’chibwenzicho ndipo aliyense wa iwo n’kutha ndi wina kapena onse aŵiriwo akukwiya kapena kukangana, ndiye kuti zimenezo ndi mbendera yofiyira mwakachetechete imene simuyenera kuinyalanyaza.

Momwe mungachitire

Mkwiyo ukhoza kuwononga maubwenzi okondana kwambiri. Kuti muthane ndi vutoli, mutha kuyesa njira izi:

• Choyamba, musabise kapena kutenga mlandu chifukwa cha mkwiyo wa mnzanuyo
• Khalani bata ndi bata mukamatentha. Kuwonjezelapo mafuta pamoto sikudzakusiyani kulikonse
• Ganizirani zochita ndi khalidwe lanu komanso ngati mwakhala mukuchita chilichonse chomukwiyitsa wokondedwa wanu
• Khazikitsani malire mwa kumveketsa bwino kwa mnzanuyo kuchuluka kwa mkwiyo wawo womwe mungalole
• Kupsa mtima kuyenera kuganiziridwa ngati kuphwanya mgwirizano muubwenzi ngati kumaphatikizapo kutchula mayina, nkhanza, ndi kupanda ulemu.

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7. Kunama pafupipafupi

Ngati mnzanu nthawi zambiri akunama kwa inu, ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira mwa munthu yemwe simuyenera kumuchotsa. Tonse ndife olakwa pakunama nthawi ina mu ubale wathu ndi miyoyo yathu. Koma ngati icho chikhala chitsanzo ndipo inu muzindikira zizindikiro za kusaona mtima mu iwo zonse, dziwani kuti si zachilendo ndi kuti muyenera kuika izi wanu chibwenzi mbendera wofiira mndandanda.

Jaseena akufotokoza kuti: “Ngati mnzanuyo akuona kuti m’pofunika kunyalanyaza kukhulupirika kwake m’chibwenzi n’kukubisirani mfundo kapena zinthu zimene zikukuuzani kuti linali bodza loyera, ndiye kuti n’chizindikiro chaubwenzi woopsa.” Kuyesetsa kubisa ngakhale zinthu zing’onozing’ono kumatanthauza kuti mnzanuyo sakuchita zinthu moona mtima.

Momwe mungachitire

Nawa maupangiri othana ndi mnzanu yemwe amanama pafupipafupi:

• Kambiranani ndi wokondedwa wanu za mabodza awo modekha, moona mtima, komanso momasuka
• Yesetsani kumvetsetsa / kulingalira zomwe zidawapangitsa kapena kuwapangitsa kuti akunamizeni ndikukambirana nawo za izi.
• Muwonetseni momveka bwino kwa wokondedwa wanu kuti simukuyamikira ndipo simungalole kunamizidwa
• Lingaliraninso chosankha chanu chopitiriza ubwenzi wotero

8. Madeti ausiku ndi osowa, mumangolankhula pamene kuli kofunikira

Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira zachilendo mu chiyanjano. Kugwiritsa ntchito nthawi yabwino ndi okondedwa anu ndikofunikira sungani motowo mu chiyanjano. Kuwonetsa chikondi chanu kwa wokondedwa wanu ndikulimbitsa ubale wanu ndikofunika kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino ndi wokhutiritsa. Koma ngati masiku amasiku ano akhala osowa kwambiri mpaka simukumbukira nthawi yomaliza yomwe mudapitako, ndiye kuti ndi imodzi mwa mbendera zofiira muubwenzi zomwe simuyenera kunyalanyaza.

Ngati kukambirana kwanu kuli kokha kuntchito, kulipira ngongole, kusamalira ana, kapena nkhani ina iliyonse yofunika, ndi nkhani yodetsa nkhawa. Ngati mwasiya kupanga nthawi yocheza wina ndi mzake, kutumiza mauthenga okondana ndi okondana, kapena kuyamikirana, ndiye kuti pali vuto.

Momwe mungachitire

Nazi zomwe mungachite kuti muthetse nkhani zanu zoyankhulirana ndikupangitsa kuti ubale wanu ukhale wolimba:

• Yambani inuyo kuti musinthe m’malo modikira kuti mnzanuyo achite zimenezo
• Yesetsani kukambirana momveka bwino ndi mnzanuyo. Yambani ndi "Kodi ntchito inali bwanji?" kapena “Tsiku lanu linali bwanji?” ndi kupita patsogolo ku nkhani yozama
• Konzani masiku pamodzi. Kupsopsonani pafupipafupi. Yesetsani kutsitsimutsa ubwenzi wakuthupi muubwenzi
• Dabwitsanani ndi mphatso kapena zinthu zatsopano zomwe mungathe kuchita limodzi

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9. Mumapewa kukambitsirana zovuta ndipo simufotokoza zakukhosi kwanu

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira muubwenzi ndi okondedwa kupewa mikangano kapena mikangano. Wokondedwa wanu ayenera kukhala malo anu otetezeka, kukupatsani chitonthozo. Ngati mukuzengereza kukambirana nawo zovuta kapena kufotokoza zakukhosi kwanu pamaso pawo, dziwani kuti izi ndizizindikiro zaubwenzi wosayenera.

Chizoloŵezichi chidzangopangitsa kuti ubale ukhale wapoizoni komanso wovuta kuusunga. Kudzathetsa kukhulupirirana, kuloŵetsa m’malo ku kupanda ulemu, ndi chifukwa mavuto olankhulana muubwenzi. Onse awiri amatha kukwiyirana. Jaseena anati: “Kupewa kukambirana zinthu zovuta sikudzakufikitsani.

Momwe mungachitire

Mutha kutsata malangizo awa kuti musiye kusesa zokambirana zosasangalatsa pansi pa rug:

• Konzekerani zomwe mukufuna kunena kwa okondedwa wanu pasadakhale
• Kambiranani nonse mukamadekha
• Nenani zomwe mukufuna kunena monga momwe mukuwonera. Yambani ndi mawu akuti 'Ine'. Muuzeni mnzanuyo mmene mukumvera pa nkhani inayake m’malo momuimba mlandu kapena kumuimba mlandu
• Khalani olunjika pa mutuwo ndikumvetsera zomwe mnzanuyo akunena pankhaniyi

Ngati mungagwirizane ndi zizindikiro zofiira zomwe tazitchula pamwambapa za ubale wosayenera, ndiye tikukulimbikitsani kuti mukambirane ndi mnzanuyo za nkhaniyi. Yesetsani kupulumutsa ubale wanu, zizindikiro zofiira zachilendozi zisanakhale zifukwa zopatukana. Osanyalanyaza zomwe ukudziwa kuti nzolakwika. Palibe chabwino chomwe chidatulukapo chifukwa chokhala muubwenzi wopanda thanzi.

Ndikofunika kumvetsetsa zomwe mbendera zofiira zopanda phokoso muubwenzi zimatanthauza kuti mutha kupeza njira zothetsera poizoni. Jaseena, pofotokoza maganizo ake omalizira pa mutuwo, anati: “Dziwani kuti si chifukwa chanu. 

Koma ngati mwaganiza zopatsanso chibwenzi chanu ndipo mukufuna thandizo, Bonobology panele kwa asing'anga omwe ali ndi zilolezo komanso odziwa zambiri amangodina kamodzi.

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