Lingaliro la ukwati wachiwiri lingakhale lotopetsa kwambiri kwa munthu amene poyamba anali ndi vuto lalikulu. Mungadzifunse kuti, “Kodi banja lachiŵiri lachiŵirilo lingakhale bwanji lopambana pamene loyambirira linali tsoka loterolo?” Kamodzi analumidwa kawiri manyazi, monga iwo amati. Koma ndiye, moyo ulinso za mwayi wachiwiri. Pali zitsanzo zokwanira za abambo ndi amai kukhala ndi mwayi wachiwiri kapena wachitatu. Choncho, kulephera kapena vuto limodzi lisakulepheretse kukhala ndi banja losangalala.
Maukwati amatha kutha pazifukwa zilizonse. Kuchokera kuzinthu zogwirizana - kugwirizana kwa kugonana kapena kugwirizanitsa maganizo - kusakhulupirika kapena kuchoka m'chikondi, aliyense ali ndi nkhani yake yapadera. Mwina zimenezi n’zimene zimakhudzanso maganizo awo pa ukwati wachiwiri.
Komabe, palibe vuto kukhala ndi maganizo omasuka pa ubwenzi watsopano. Chifukwa chiyani? Chifukwa chikondi chili ndi njira zakezake zosamvetsetseka zomwe zingakugwireni mosadziwa ndikukuyesani kuti mufune kulowa m'madzi - ngakhale mutadumphira mozama koyamba. Panthaŵi imodzimodziyo, mungakhale wosamala kuti musadzavutikenso ndi chotulukapo chofananacho kachiwiri ndipo mungafune kuyesetsa kupeŵa kugwa ndi kuwotchanso. Ndi upangiri woyenera waukwati wachiwiri, mutha kuyimitsa mbiri kuti isadzilembenso, ndipo tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni ndendende.
Kodi Maukwati Achiwiri Opambana Ndi Chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Chisudzulo, makamaka ngati chakhala choyipa komanso chotsutsana m'malo mogwirizana, chikhoza kukhala chokhumudwitsa. Ndi chifukwa chake anthu ambiri amazengereza kudziperekanso, ngakhale atapeza chikondi. Kotero, funso la madola milioni ndilo "Kodi maukwati achiwiri ali opambana?" Tsoka ilo, sayansi imapereka zotsatira zosakanikirana zikafika pakupambana kwa omwe akukwatirananso, zomwe zimafotokoza bwino chifukwa chake anthu amakumana ndi nkhawa zaukwati wachiwiri pongoganiza zokwatiranso.
Lipoti la 2013 la National Center for Family and Marriage Research ku Bowling Green State University linapeza kuti ngakhale kuti chiŵerengero cha chisudzulo cha mabanja a ku America ndi 50%, ponena za maukwati achiwiri, chimakwera kufika 60%. ndi 65% kwa maukwati achitatu ndi achinayi.
Komabe, kafukufuku wopangidwa ndi bungwe la Marriage Foundation lomwe lili ku UK adapeza kuti maukwati achiwiri ndi ochepa omwe amatha ndi chisudzulo kuposa oyamba. Ndipotu, 45% ya omwe amakwatira koyamba amatha kupita ku Splitsville mosiyana ndi 31% omwe amakwatiranso.
Pali zifukwa zingapo zomwe maukwati achiwiri amalephera . Nthawi zina, anthu amathamangira muubwenzi watsopano (mwina pofuna kunyoza mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo wakale) popanda kuganizira mozama. Mavuto akuluakulu amatha kuchitika chifukwa cha mavuto omwe okwatirana amakumana nawo muukwati wawo wakale. Kukhazikika m'banja latsopano ndikuphatikiza mabanja awiri kungayambitsenso mavuto awoawo.
M’pomveka kuti vuto loti banja lachiwiri liziyenda bwino lingakhale lotopetsa. Choncho, pamene nkhawa ya m’banja lachiŵiri ifika poipa, m’pofunika kukumbukira kuti pamapeto pake zonse zimabwera chifukwa cha zimene munthu wina wakumana nazo. N’kwachibadwa kufuna kuchitapo kanthu kuti ukwati wachiwiri usalephereke mwa kusabwereza zolakwa za woyambawo koma m’kupita kwa nthaŵi, mukhoza kulakwa kwatsopano. Izi zingapangitse kuti mavuto a m’banja lachiŵiri achulukenso, kukukankhirani m’njira ya chikwati china chosasangalatsa.
M’malo mwake, ngati mwaphunzira bwino lomwe ndipo mwatsimikiza mtima kuti muyambirenso, masitepe amene mukuchita mosamalitsa angathandizedi kwambiri kuti banja lachiŵiri likhale lopambana ndi lolimba. Pali nkhani zambiri zachipambano chaukwati wachiwiri zotsimikizira kuti ndi bwenzi loyenera, mapindidwe achiwiri muukwati amatha kukhala osangalatsa kuposa oyamba. Maukwati achiwiri odziwika bwino a Prince Charles ndi Camilla Parker, George ndi Amal Clooney, Tom Hanks ndi Rita Wilson ndi umboni.
Chokhalitsa ndi chachifupi chake ndi chakuti tsogolo la banja lachiwiri likhoza kusuntha mwanjira iliyonse, ndipo zili kwa inu ndi mnzanu watsopano kuti muzindikire zinsinsi za banja lachiwiri lopambana lomwe limathandiza kuti mugwirizane. Ngakhale zili choncho, pali zinthu zina zimene mungachite ndi zimene simungachite zimene zingakuthandizeni kupewa mavuto amene anthu ambiri amakumana nawo m’banja lachiwiri. Tiyeni tikambirane zimene zimafunika kuti banja lachiwiri likhale lopambana.
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Mukufuna kudziwa momwe mungakhalire ndi banja lachiŵiri lopambana? Kunena zowona, pamene mwaganiza zoyambanso kuyenda pansi pa guwa la nsembe, mudzakanthidwa ndi uphungu waukwati wachiŵiri wochokera kwa mabwenzi ndi achibale a zolinga zabwino. Zowonadi, kulekana ndi chochitika chomvetsa chisoni osati kwa okwatirana okhudzidwa komanso banja lawo kotero kuti chitsenderezo cha kusalephera chikhoza kukhala champhamvu kuposa nthawi yoyamba.
Komabe, ukwati si mtundu kapena ntchito. Mutha kulowamo ndi malingaliro otseguka ndikuyembekeza zabwino. Izi zati, pali zinthu zomwe mungachite kuti mupewe mavuto a m'banja lachiwiri, m'malo mwake, kumanga ubale wolimba. Nawa upangiri waukwati wachiwiri wothandizidwa ndi akatswiri kuti ulendo wanu watsopano waukwati ukhale wokhutiritsa komanso wopindulitsa:
1. Khalani ozindikira
Kaya munakumana ndi zotani mu ukwati woyamba, muzione ngati zabwino kwambiri chifukwa zinakuphunzitsani zonse zomwe muyenera kudziwa. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kuti ukwati wachiwiri ukhale wopambana. Mwatsoka, anthu ambiri sazindikira momwe adakhudzira ubale wawo, ndipo m'malo mwake, amayamba kuimba mlandu mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo chifukwa cha kulephera kwawo ngakhale akudziwa zifukwa zomveka zomwe zinapangitsa kuti banja lawo lisudzulane.
Popereka malangizo a m’banja lachiŵiri, mlangizi Dr. Paul Jenkins anati: “Mungakhale mukukwatirana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi watsopano koma ndinu munthu yemweyo ndipo mwinamwake mudzabweretsa mikhalidwe kapena zizoloŵezi zaukwati wachiŵiri zomwe munali nazo m’banja loyambalo.
“Onani zimene mukuchita muubwenzi,” akuwonjezera motero, akumatchula chitsanzo cha kasitomala amene anali ndi maukwati asanu ndi atatu pofika zaka za m’ma 30. Chitsanzo chofala mu maubwenzi ake onse - amuna ankhanza. Iye anati: “Onse anali amuna osiyana koma iye anali wofanana.
2. Khalani omveka komanso oona mtima kwa okondedwa anu
Maukwati achiwiri akhoza kutha chifukwa muli ndi zipsera zambiri zamaganizo kuyambira pachiyambi kuphatikizapo zomwe zidakuchitikirani, malingaliro anu ndi malingaliro anu ndi zina zotero. Kuti mupewe izi, ikani nkhani zonse patebulo pamene mukukonza ubale wanu.
Susie ndi Otto Collins, aphunzitsi odziwa bwino ntchito yosintha zinthu, alemba zinthu zomwe muyenera kuthetsa pasadakhale mukukonzekera ukwati wachiwiri. “ Mavuto okhudza kulera ana angabuke ngati mukuyesera kuphatikiza mabanja. Yankhani, kambiranani momwe aliyense wa inu adzachitira ndi ana a mnzake. Mavuto azachuma akhoza kukhala akulu mofanana. Kuyambira komwe mungagule ndalama mpaka komwe mudzakhale tchuthi, zonsezi ndi nkhani zomwe zimabwera,” akutero.
Mavuto a m’banja lachiŵiri ameneŵa sangalakwe. Koma mukakhala ndi maganizo okhwima maganizo, mungaphunzire kulimbana nawo m’njira yoti ubwenzi wanu usakhale wovuta.
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3. Lumphani m'malingaliro akale
Ngati mudakali ndi malingaliro anu akale, machitidwe akale owonera dziko lapansi ndi momwe mungachitire zinthu, zinthuzo zidzakusunganinso muubwenzi wanu watsopano. Adzakulepheretsani kukhala oyandikana, olumikizidwa komanso m'chikondi momwe mukuyenera kukhala. Izi nzowona makamaka kwa amene akulowa m’banja lachiŵiri pambuyo pa zaka 40, popeza panthaŵiyo m’moyo anthu amakonda kukhala okhazikika m’njira zawo.
“Mwa kunyalanyaza njira zanu zakale, mukupanga njira yosungitsira ukwati wanu watsopano kukhala wamoyo ndi wachimwemwe,” anatero Otto pamene akupereka uphungu wamphamvu waukwati wachiŵiri. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri kukumbukira pamene mukukonzekera ukwati wachiwiri. Kwenikweni, musamaone ukwati wanu watsopano monga chowonjezera cha wakale ngakhale ndi bwenzi latsopano. M'malo mwake, vomerezani kuti idzabweretsa zokumana nazo zatsopano, kuphunzira kwatsopano, chisangalalo chatsopano ndi zokhumudwitsa zatsopano. Choncho khalani okonzeka.
4. Phunzirani kuthetsa nkhani zokhulupirirana
Maukwati achiwiri angayambike chifukwa cha zochitika zosiyanasiyana. Ngati ukwati watsopano uchitika chifukwa cha chibwenzi chakunja kwa ukwati, musadabwe ngati muli ndi mavuto okhudzana ndi kudalirana makamaka poyamba. "Muyenera kudziwa zomwe mukubweretsa mu ukwati watsopano. Pankhaniyi, ndi kufunitsitsa kuyang'ana kunja kwa ukwati wanu kuti mukhutire," akutero Dr. Jenkins.
Inde, ichi si chifukwa chosonyeza kuti inu kapena mnzanuyo musakhale okhulupirika, osamala ndi achikondi kwa wina ndi mzake. “Nkhani zokhulupirirana sizingathetsedwe, koma muyenera kukhala oona mtima momvetsa chisoni ponena za mmene munakhudzira chibwenzi chanucho. Mmodzi mwa maupangiri ofunikira kwambiri m'banja lachiwiri ndikuzindikira kuti kuzindikira ndi gawo loyamba lothetsera mavuto am'banja lachiwiri monga kusakhulupirirana.
Chifukwa chake, imodzi mwa njira zabwino kwambiri zokonzekerera ukwati wachiwiri ndikuzindikira nkhawa zonse zaukwati wachiwiri, kudalirana, kukayikira komwe nonse mukubweretsa muukwati ngati gawo la katundu wanu wamalingaliro. Pambuyo kuzindikira kumabwera kulankhulana.
Lankhulani ndi wokondedwa wanu zakukhosi kwanu komanso zovuta zomwe mukukumana nazo kale kapena zomwe mukuganiza kuti mungakumane nazo mtsogolo. Mukayika makhadi onse patebulo, zimakhala zosavuta kuti nonse muthane ndi mavuto omwe muli nawo. Mmodzi mwaupangiri wabwino kwambiri waukwati wa 2 womwe mungalandire ndikusiya kusakatula nkhani zodalirika pansi pa kapeti ndikuthana nazo m'malo mwake.
5. Ndi bwino kukhala osatetezeka
Ngati banja lanu loyamba linali lachisokonezo, kudzimva kuti ndinu otetezeka kudzakuchititsani kukhala watcheru komanso wochenjera nthawi ina. Mungazengereze kufotokoza mantha anu, malingaliro anu ndi malingaliro anu zomwe zingakhale zowononga. Limodzi mwa malamulo ofunikira kwambiri kuti banja lachiwiri lichite bwino ndikuchotsa makoma omwe mwina mwapanga mozungulira inu ndikulola mnzanu kulowamo.
Iyi ndiyo njira yokhayo yolimbikitsira ubale weniweni, popanda iyo simungathe kuswa malamulo a momwe mungapangire ukwati wachiwiri kugwira ntchito. Dziwani kuti palibe vuto kukhala wosatetezeka. Mutha kutenga nthawi yanu kuti mukhale omasuka mu ukwati wachiwiri. Pang'onopang'ono mutha kuyesetsa kumanga chidaliro ndi chidaliro mwa mnzanu.
Yambani ndi zinthu zing'onozing'ono monga kukambirana nkhani zing'onozing'ono monga ndandanda, zizolowezi, zakudya ndi zina. Moyenera, nkhani zazikulu zokhudzana ndi ana kapena zachuma ziyenera kukonzedwa kale, koma ngati simunatero, musayang'ane nazo mwamsanga. Tengani masitepe amwana.
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6. Pewani kufananiza zinthu zilizonse
Kodi izi zimafunanso kufotokozera? Ubwino umodzi waukwati wachiwiri ndi wakuti muli ndi zomwe munakumana nazo m'mbuyomu zomwe mungatengeko. Ichi ndichifukwa chake maukwati achiwiri ali abwino kwambiri. Mumadziwa zomwe mukufuna kwa wokondedwa wanu komanso ubale wonse. Choyipa chake ndikuti chikhoza kukupangitsani kuti mufananize. Mosasamala kanthu za zimene munakumana nazo m’banja lanu loyamba, padzakhala mafananidwe osapeŵeka m’maganizo mwanu, makamaka m’mikangano.
Nthawi zina mungayambe kudabwa kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wakale akanatani. Zoyambitsa izi sizabwino koma sizingapeweke. “Kumbukirani kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wachiŵiri si wofanana ndi mkazi wanu woyamba,” akulangiza motero Dr. Jenkins.
Zosavuta kunena kuposa kuchita mwina, koma pakapita nthawi mutha kulekanitsa maubwenzi awiriwa m'malingaliro anu. Uwu ndi upangiri wachiŵiri waukwati woti mulumbire pomanga ubale wokhalitsa ndi bwenzi lanu lamoyo watsopano. Chitani zonse zomwe mungathe kuti muyambe ndi slate yoyera m'malo moyesa kumanga ubale watsopano pa mabwinja oyambirira.
7. Khalani ndi mndandanda wazomwe mumagawana
Moona mtima, uwu ndi umodzi mwaupangiri wabwino kwambiri waukwati wachiwiri womwe mungalandire. Ndikofunikira kudziwa kuti mfundo zina zokhutiritsa chibwenzi sizisintha kaya ndi banja lanu loyamba kapena lachitatu. Makhalidwe ogawana ndi amodzi mwa iwo. Pamene mukukonzekera ukwati wachiŵiri, dzifunseni nokha, ndiyeno mnzanuyo chifukwa chimene mukuloŵerera m’banja.
Izi zidzakupatsani malingaliro pazomwe mukuyembekezera. Maukwati achiwiri ndi abwino kwambiri ndipo amakhala ndi mwayi wopambana mukamadziwa kuti nonse muli pa tsamba limodzi ndikugawana mfundo zazikuluzikulu.
Kudzichepetsa kuyenera kukhala mbali ya mndandandawu, makamaka kudzichepetsa kusintha ndi kusiya kuphunzira kuchokera ku zolakwa zakale zaubwenzi . Komanso, kumbukirani kuti munali ndi gawo lochita mu ukwati wanu wakale, kupambana kwake komanso kulephera kwake. Yang'anani kwambiri pa kupambana ndipo bweretsani makhalidwe amenewo kwa ichi kuti ukwati wachiwiri ukhale wopambanadi.
Kodi maukwati achiwiri akuyenda bwino? Ngati mukulimbana ndi vutoli, dziwani kuti nkhani yanu ikhoza kulembedwa ngati imodzi mwa nkhani zachiŵiri zachipambano chaukwati ngati inu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu muphunzira kukhala oona mtima kotheratu ponena za zimene mukuyembekezera ndi masomphenya a tsogolo limodzi.
8. Mukhululukire. Ena ndi inuyo
Chimodzi mwa zinsinsi zosadziwika bwino komanso upangiri wabwino kwambiri wa ukwati wachiwiri kuti mukwatirenso bwino ndikudzimasula ku mkwiyo ndi kupwetekedwa kwa zakale. Nthawi iliyonse ukwati ukatha, pamakhala ululu ndi kupwetekedwa kosatha koma musapange zimenezo kukhala maziko oweruza chilichonse chomwe chidzakuchitikireni mtsogolo. Vomerezani kuti tonse tili ndi zofooka, kuphatikizapo inuyo ndi mnzanu wakale. Popanda kulekerera kupwetekedwa komwe kwachitika kwa inu, yesani kukhululukira kuti mupitirize ndi moyo wanu makamaka mukapeza mwayi wokhala ndi ukwati wachiwiri.
Dr. Jenkins anati: “Komanso dzikhululukireni ndipo khalani wokonzeka kupitirizabe kutero,” akutero Dr.
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9. Musabisike zambiri zokhudza banja lanu loyamba
Upangiri wina wofunikira waupangiri wachiwiri waukwati ndikudzipereka kuti mufotokozere zam'mbuyomu. Mukakomedwa kachiwiri, chofunikira kwambiri chiyenera kukhala chilungamo. Osabisa chilichonse chokhudza wokondedwa wanu kapena zomwe zidasokonekera m'banja lanu loyamba kwa mwamuna/mkazi wanu kapena banja lawo. Zowonadi, pakhoza kukhala chidziwitso chomwe simungafune kugawana nawo kuopa kuti chingayambitse manyazi ndi mavuto.
Koma kusunga chidziwitso kungayambitse mavuto pambuyo pake. Mofananamo, ngati ndi ukwati wachiwiri wa mnzanu watsopano, musazengereze kumufunsa mafunso okhudza woyamba. Musamufunse mafunso ndi lingaliro lonyoza mwamuna kapena mkazi wakale koma kuti mudziwe bwino zomwe zinalakwika ndikuyesera kupewa zolakwa zofanana. Funsani mafunso oyenera okhudza wakale wawo.
Khalani ndi zokambirana zomasuka. Khalani osatetezeka. Yankhani nkhani zanu ndi mantha anu poyera. Mukagawana zinsinsi zakuya, zakuda kwambiri wina ndi mzake, mudzatulukamo mwamphamvu komanso moyandikirana kuposa kale. Izi ndi zomwe maukwati achiwiri amakhala abwino kwambiri. Amadziwika ndi kukhwima maganizo komanso chidziwitso chakuti kulankhulana momasuka kumabwera poyamba.
Ngati titasankha upangiri umodzi wokha waukwati wachiwiri woti tikupatseni, tingakufunseni kuti musasunge zinsinsi kapena kuopa chiopsezo chomwe nthawi zambiri chimakhala ndi makambirano okhudza mtima.
10. Perekani nthawi
Mukuganiza momwe mungakhalire ndi ukwati wachiwiri wopambana? Limodzi mwa malangizo abwino kwambiri a ukwati wachiwiri omwe tingakupatseni ndilakuti mukalowa muubwenzi watsopano, musayembekezere zodabwitsa nthawi yomweyo. Musamaone ukwati wanu wachiwiri ngati mankhwala a mavuto onse omwe mudakumana nawo muukwati woyamba. Ngakhale mutakhala pachibwenzi kwa kanthawi musanapange malumbiro kachiwiri, perekani nthawi kuti ikule. Izi zikutanthauzanso kukhala wokonzeka kuthetsa mikangano yomwe ingatuluke muubwenzi wakale.
Okwatirana akale, ana, apongozi, abwenzi ... chilichonse sichingangolakwiridwa chifukwa kusintha kwa moyo wanu kumawakhudza m'njira zosiyanasiyana. Khalani oleza mtima ndikupereka nthawi kuti zonse zigwirizane bwino. Chifukwa chake, ndibwino kuti musalumphe m'banja latsopano musanathetse mikangano iliyonse.
Chifukwa chake, yankho la momwe mungapangire banja lachiwiri kuti liziyenda bwino ndikutenga zinthu pang'onopang'ono, kulimbitsa ubale wanu ndi bwenzi lanu latsopanolo, kupangitsa aliyense kukhudzidwa ndi chisankho cha moyo uno ndi lingaliro musanalowe ndikunena kuti, 'Nditero'.
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11. Phunzirani kulolerana ndi kusintha
Ukwati watsopano ukhoza kubweretsa mavuto atsopano. Nthawi zina, pamene mukukula, kusagwirizana kapena kusintha kumakhala kovuta. Komabe, ubale uliwonse wopambana umafunika kusagwirizana, kulumikizana ndi mgwirizano kuti upambane. Musakhale ouma mtima kwambiri ndipo phunzirani kusiya kudziletsa.
Ndinu woweruza wabwino kwambiri wa komwe mungagonjetse komanso komwe muyenera kuyimirira. Kumbukirani lamulo ili m’maganizo: Ubale uliwonse, kaya ukhale woyamba kapena wakhumi, umene umafuna kuti mugonjetsere ulemu wanu siwofunika. Koma kusintha kwakung'ono kwa moyo sikukuyenera kukuvutitsani kwambiri, makamaka ngati pali kufunitsitsa kwa okondedwa onse kuti achitepo kanthu kuti izi zitheke.
Pamapeto pake, zinthu zomwe zimapangitsa kuti banja lililonse liziyenda bwino ndi zofanana - kudalira, kulolerana, nthabwala, chifundo, kugwirizana komanso koposa zonse, chikondi. Osataya mtima ngati nkhani yanu yoyamba inalibe mathero osangalatsa. Malingana ngati zosakaniza zili zolondola, nthawi yachiwiri ikhoza kukhala wopambana!
Ibibazo
Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti maukwati achiwiri sakhala opambana monga oyamba chifukwa okwatirana amabwera ndi katundu wamaganizo ndi wokonzekera wa woyamba, kuphatikizapo ubale watsopano umabweretsa mavuto ake. Komabe, izi sizingakhale zachirengedwe chifukwa nkhani iliyonse ndi yosiyana.
Ukwati wachiwiri ukhoza kukhala wovuta kwambiri chifukwa chakuti munthu akubwera kale ndi ziyembekezo zinazake zimene ukwati wake woyamba unakhazikitsidwa. Ndiponso, pangakhale nkhani zosathetsedwa za ukwati woyamba zimene zingayambitse mithunzi paukwati wotsatira ngati sizinayankhidwepo kale.
Ngati banja lisankha mwadala kuti lisabwerezenso zolakwa zomwe linachita poyamba zomwe zinalephera , pali kuthekera kwakuti banja lachiwiri likhale losangalala komanso lopambana kuposa loyamba.
Mawu ofala kwambiri omwe amagwiritsidwa ntchito pa ukwati wachiwiri ndi kukwatiranso . Komabe, mawuwa samangotanthauza nthawi imene munthu amamanganso ukwati kachiwiri koma nthawi iliyonse imene munthu wasankha kukwatira.
Anati "Financial Stress Is Killing My Banja" Tinamuuza Zoyenera Kuchita
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
