Kwa inu nonse okondana kunja uko, nazi ziwerengero zodetsa nkhawa za kusudzulana ku America. Malinga ndi zomwe zaperekedwa ndi Wilkinson & Finkbeiner, kampani yoyimira zamalamulo pabanja, masekondi 13 aliwonse, pamakhala chisudzulo chimodzi ku US.
Tiyeni tikambirane zambiri ndi ziwerengerozi ! Pali zisudzulo 277 pa ola limodzi, zisudzulo 6,646 patsiku, zisudzulo 46,523 pa sabata ndipo zisudzulo 2,419,196 zimachitika pachaka. Zoona zake: Zimatanthauza kuti pali zisudzulo zisanu ndi zinayi zomwe okwatirana nthawi zambiri amatenga kuti anene malumbiro awo aukwati (zomwe ndi pafupifupi mphindi ziwiri). Zifukwa zomwe zimapangitsa kuti zisudzulo zikhale zambiri chonchi zitha kukhala ndi mawu awiri: Mikangano ya m'banja.
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Mawuwa akuphatikizapo zifukwa zonse zomwe ubale umayambira mu tchalitchi ndikuthera m'khoti - kusowa kwa kulankhulana, kusakhulupirika, mikangano, zoyembekeza zosayembekezereka komanso mopitirira malire, nkhanza. Zinthu zonsezi ndizomwe zimayambitsa mikangano m'banja.
Ndipo kusamvetsetsa kotheratu, kuzindikira ndi kuthetsa mikangano ya m’banja ndiko kumene kumabweretsa kulekana.
Kodi Kusamvana M'banja N'kutani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Chibwenzi, chibwenzi ngakhalenso ukwati ndi magawo abwino kwambiri pachibwenzi. Ndiye chimachitika n’chiyani anthu awiri akakwatirana? N’chifukwa chiyani mikangano m’banja imakula ngakhale kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi anali ndi chikondi poyamba?
Kuti timvetsetse kusamvana, ndikofunikira kuvomereza mfundo zingapo zokhuza ukwati. Lingaliro la mikangano ya m’banja limati PALIBE ubale umene uli wosalala.
“Musayende m’banja poganiza kuti zinthu zidzakhala ndendende mmene amasonyezera m’mafilimu kapena sopo kapena m’masiku amene muli pachibwenzi.” Mikangano ndi kusagwirizana ndi gawo limodzi la m’banja chimene chimapangitsa kusiyana ndi mmene mungawathetsere,” akutero Sushma Parlekar, mlangizi wa zaubwenzi ndi mphunzitsi wa NLP.
Ngati makhalidwe oipa monga kunyoza mnzanu , kukangana naye nthawi zonse, kusalemekezana pang'ono kapena kusalemekezana, kulephera kuthana ndi mavuto azachuma komanso amalingaliro, komanso kusakhulupirika ndiye zomwe zimatanthauza ubale wanu ndiye kuti mikangano ndi yodziwika.
Kusamvetsetsa, kuzindikira ndi kuthana ndi mikangano ya m'banja mwauchikulire komanso mwachangu kumabweretsa mavutowa omwe amawonjezeka zomwe zimapangitsa kuti mavutowa awonjezere nkhawa ndi mavuto paubwenzi.
Kusamvana kumayamba pamene onse awiri ali ndi malingaliro osiyana kwambiri, zosowa ndi zikhumbo ndipo palibe amene ali wokonzeka kusintha wina. Zotulukapo za mikangano ya m’banja sizimamveka pa unansi wokhawokha komanso pabanja lonse, ana ndi mabwenzi apamtima.
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Mmene Mungadziwire Zomwe Zimayambitsa Kusamvana m'banja
Mofanana ndi china chilichonse, mikangano ya m’banja simangochitika mwadzidzidzi. Nthawi zambiri pamakhala zigawo kuti muzindikire zomwe zimayambitsa.
Chris Grace, Director, Biola University's Center for Marriage and Relationships komanso pulofesa wa psychology ku Rosemead School of Psychology akuti ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa momwe malingaliro amakhudzira chilichonse. Ngati mwakwiyira kapena kukwiyira mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, musamangonena kuti, 'Ndakwiya…', tchulani zifukwa zomwe zakukwiyirani.
Ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa zoyambitsa chifukwa ndikofunikira kupeza gwero la vuto kuti muthetse kusamvana koyenera m'banja.
Izi ndizofunikiranso chifukwa mavuto omwe amakhalapo nthawi zonse muubwenzi angakhudze thanzi lanu. Mu kafukufuku wa kafukufuku wa momwe zinthu zilili m'banja, ofufuza Kiecolt-Glaser ndi Newton adapeza kuti mikangano m'banja imakhudza kwambiri thanzi la akazi poyerekeza ndi amuna awo.
M'malo mwake, zotsatira za kusamvana m'banja, makamaka zomwe vuto lidakhalapo kwa zaka zambiri, zimapangitsa maanja kukhala pachiwopsezo cha kupsinjika kwa thupi komanso mavuto azaumoyo.
Chilichonse chomwe chimachitika m'banja ndikuyankha zoyambitsa zina zomwe zimachokera ku chikumbumtima. Ndiye mumadziwa bwanji zomwe zimayambitsa mikangano m'banja? Onani ngati mndandanda uli pansipa ukugwirizana…
1. Maganizo okhudza udindo wa banja
Kugawana ntchito zapakhomo, kulipira mabilu, kutsuka mbale, kukonzekera ndalama ... kusiyana maganizo pa ntchito zofunika zapakhomo kungayambitse mikangano pakati pa okwatirana.
2. Njira zakulera
Mabanja ambiri amakangana pankhani yolera ana, makamaka ngati onse awiri ali ndi udindo wofanana polera mwana. Ngati kholo limodzi limakhulupirira kuti ndi lokhwima kwambiri ndipo lina limakhulupirira kuti ndi losalekerera kwambiri, zingayambitse mikangano yaikulu.
3. Kusamalira chuma
Mikangano yomwe imabwera chifukwa cha kusowa ndalama kapena kusiyana maganizo pankhani ya ndalama ndi zitsanzo zabwino kwambiri za mikangano ya m'banja. Ndi bwino kuti inu ndi mnzanu mukambirane momwe mungayikire ndalama kapena kusamalira ndalama musanayambe ukwati.
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4. Ma equation amphamvu osagwirizana
Pepala lonena za mikangano ya m'banja lolembedwa ndi Frank D Fincham, wochokera ku Dipatimenti ya Psychology, University of Buffalo, NY limatchula kusalingana kwa mphamvu ngati chimodzi mwa zifukwa zomwe zimayambitsa mikangano ya m'banja. Mwamuna kapena mkazi akamadziona kuti sakulemekezedwa kapena kunyozedwa m'banja, zimapangitsa kuti asakhutire.
5. Zibwenzi zakunja
Mu lipoti lomwe latchulidwa pamwambapa lomwe likuwonetsa ziwerengero za mikangano m'banja zomwe zimapangitsa kuti banja lithe, kusadzipereka kunapangitsa kuti 73% ya mabanja athetse banja pomwe kusakhulupirika kunanenedwa kuti ndiko kunayambitsa 55%. M'maubwenzi ambiri, kusakhulupirika ndiye vuto lalikulu.
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Njira 5 Zothetsera Kusamvana M'banja
Mndandanda womwe uli pamwambapa ndi wochepa kwambiri mukaganizira zifukwa zosiyanasiyana zomwe zimayambitsa mikangano yankhondo. Mavuto okhudzana ndi kugonana , kumwa mowa mopitirira muyeso, kudzikonda, kulephera kuvomereza kapena kusintha zinthu zonse ndi zomwe zimayambitsa mikangano yomwe imawonekera m'njira zosiyanasiyana.
Malinga ndi wofufuza komanso katswiri wa zamaganizo John Gottman, mikangano m'banja ndi yosapeweka koma chomwe chiyenera kuwonedwa ndichakuti okwatirana angathe kuithetsa ndikuvomerezana kusagwirizana kapena ngati awonjezera vutoli. Vuto silikuchokera pa zomwe zimayambitsa koma limadalira kuthekera kwa kuthetsa mikanganoyo.
1. Imvani zofuna za wokondedwa wanu
Mutha kumalankhulana kwambiri, kucheza tsiku lililonse ndikugawana ma Whatsapp otsogola. Koma kodi mumamvetseradi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kapena mukungomva mokakamiza?
Olemba ndi alangizi a mabanja Mark ndi Susan Merrill amalangiza maanja kuti akumbukire kuti ali gulu. “Mukamvetseranadi wina ndi mnzake, phunzirani kulankhulana mogwirizana,” iwo akuwonjezera motero.
Iwo anati: “Ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wachita mwano mwadzidzidzi kapena walankhula mawu oipa, muzikumbukira mmene analankhulira. Nthawi zina, mawu achipongwe kapena aukali nthawi zambiri amabisa vuto lalikulu.
2. Landirani ndi kusintha kuti mugwirizane ndi kusiyana
Kukondana ndi zinthu zosiyana ndiye chinthu chofala kwambiri pankhani ya maubwenzi. Khalidwe lanu losiyana ndi limene linakukokerani ku chibwenzi chanu poyamba lingakhale chifukwa cha mikangano ya m'banja pakati panu awiriwa mukangonena kuti “Ife timatero”.
Mumamvetsetsa bwino kusiyana kwanu kuposa kufanana kwanu. Ngakhale kuti kusiyana kwa zizoloŵezi ndi mikhalidwe ina kungathetsedwe m’kupita kwa nthaŵi, ngati pali kusiyana pa mfundo yaikulu, mwayi wothetsa kusamvana m’banja ungakhale wochepa.
Tinene kuti ngati mumatsamira ma demokalase ndipo mwamuna wanu ndi wa Republican wolimba mtima, nyumbayo ikhoza kukhala ngati bwalo lankhondo pomwe tsiku lachisankho likuyandikira. Ngati mumagawana zomwe mumagawana zimakhala zosavuta kusinthasintha pazosiyana zazing'ono. Yesani ndikusintha kuti mugwirizane ndi kusiyana kwanu kuti muthe kuthana ndi mikangano mwakukhwima.
3. Phunzirani kuchita zinthu mwachilungamo
Choncho muli ndi vuto ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ndipo ganizirani kukambirana. Chabwino, ndicho sitepe yoyamba yothetsera kusamvana m’banja. Koma tsopano pakubwera vuto lalikulu - kodi mungathe kulamulira yankho lanu ndi malingaliro anu panthawi ya zokambirana zazikulu?
Ngakhale macheza anu atasanduka mkangano (pali mwayi woti angatero!), phunzirani kuchita zinthu mwachilungamo. Fotokozani moona mtima zomwe mukukayikira kapena zomwe mukuchita ndipo perekani mwayi wofanana kwa mnzanu kuti apereke mbali yake. Yang'anani nkhani yomwe ilipo popanda kukopa zakale ndi zamtsogolo. Khalani aulemu ndipo pewani kuyitanitsana mayina.
Kulimbana ndi kukangana mwachiwembu kungakhale kovuta pamene maganizo anu akuchulukirachulukira. Koma ngati cholinga chanu chachikulu ndi kupeza yankho, ndiye kuti zokambirana zanu zikhala zokhwima ngakhale mutakhala kuti mukuchita zinthu zina zovuta kwambiri.
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4. Yesani ndikuwona momwe wokondedwa wanu amawonera
Mukakhala ndi vuto ndi mnzanu, mwachionekere, malingaliro onse amakukhudzani nokha ndipo mwadzidzidzi vuto lonse limayamba kukukhudzani - ululu wanu, kupweteka kwanu, mkwiyo wanu . Khalani chete. Phunzirani kuyang'ana mkhalidwe wonse ndipo zimenezo zikuphatikizapo maganizo a mnzanu.
Izi zikutanthauza kumupatsa phindu la kukaikira ndikumvetsetsa bwino. Lowani mu nsapato zake kuti asinthe ndikuwona ngati akuyenerera mwayi wina.
Izi sizikutanthauza kuti simusonyeza kuipidwa kwanu ndi zinazake koma osafika pamapeto popanda mfundo zonse.
N’zosachita kufunsa kuti, ngati pali khalidwe loipa mobwerezabwereza kapena ngati mnzanuyo akukana mwadala kusintha, mungatope kukhala munthu amene amaona zinthu mozama. Koma ngati mukuganiza kuti mnzanuyo walakwitsadi, phunzirani kukhululukira ndi kuiwala.
5. Yang'anani mkati ndikutenga udindo
Tikakupemphani kuti mutenge udindo, sizikutanthauza kuti mutengere mlandu. Pakakhala kusamvana m’banja, dzifunseni ngati mwathandizapo mwanjira ina iliyonse. Nthaŵi zina, mwina munawonjezerapo kupsinjika maganizo mosadziŵa chifukwa cha khalidwe linalake limene mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu angakhale nalo likukwiyitsa.
Chizolowezi choimba mlandu ena pa mavuto anu n'chachibadwa koma ngati simunayesepo kupeza yankho lenileni, sikoyenera kuimba mlandu mnzanu nokha. Mwachitsanzo, kodi nthawi zonse mumafuna kuti zinthu zikuyendereni bwino? Kodi mukuganiza kuti nthawi zonse mumachita bwino? Kodi mumakonda kupanga zisankho m'malo mwa iwo?
Phunzirani kuyang'ana mkati ndikudziwonetsera nokha zenizeni. Kupenda moona mtima zokhumba zanu ndi makhalidwe anu kungathandize kuthetsa kusamvana m’banja. Ngati onse awiri ali okonzeka kutero, zikhoza kupulumutsa banja kuti lisapitirire.
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Kumvetsetsa, kusanthula, kuzindikira ndi kuthetsa mikangano ya m’banja kumafuna khama lalikulu. Ngati banja lanu lidakhazikika pakukhulupirirana, kuwona mtima ndi chikondi, zoyesayesa izi zibwera kwa inu. Pamapeto pake, mtengo womwe mumayika paubwenzi wanu umatsimikizira ngati mukufuna kuusokoneza kapena kuyesetsa kuusunga chiyero chake posalola kuti mikangano ipangitse chikondi chanu.
Ibibazo
Chilichonse chingayambitse mikangano m'banja. Koma zifukwa zazikulu ndi izi: kusakhulupirika ndi kusakhulupirika , mavuto azachuma, kusamvana pakati pa makolo, kusowa chikondi chogonana, khalidwe lonyoza la m'modzi mwa okwatiranawo komanso kudziona ngati wosakwanira.
Pali mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya mikangano m'banja yomwe ikuphatikizapo kungokhala chete , kukangana nthawi zonse, kukhala ndi nsanje, kugwiritsa ntchito mawu onyoza pobwezera, kutsutsa ndi kunyoza komanso kugwiritsa ntchito ana kuti azilamulira mnzanu.
Kuti muthetse kusamvana, phunzirani kumvetsera mnzanuyo akamalankhula, fufuzani bwinobwino kuti muwone ngati inuyo mwadziwa kapena mosadziwa mwathandiza kuti mkanganowo ukule. Phunziraninso kuzoloŵerana ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana osapeŵeka amene angabuke m’banja.
Kuphunzira kuona zinthu monga momwe mwamuna kapena mkazi amaonera, kukhala ndi khalidwe loona zinthu zonse bwino, kuphunzira kukangana mwaulemu popanda kudzudzula kapena kutchula mayina oipa komanso kupempha thandizo kwa mlangizi ngati mavuto avuta ndi zina mwa njira zothetsera kusamvana m'banja.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
