Kodi Mnyamata Akanena Kuti 'Sindikukwanira' Zimatanthauza Chiyani?

Kufalitsa chikondi

"Ine sindine wabwino kwa inu" - makambirano akale, okondana kwambiri omwe ngwazi zokwiyitsidwa amagwiritsa ntchito pazokonda zawo. Ngakhale poyang'ana m'mbuyo zokambiranazi zimamveka ngati zonyozeka kwambiri (nthawi zambiri, angakhale mwamuna yemwe akuyesera kukhumudwitsa mtsikanayo, mwanjira ina kuti awoneke ngati akudziwa zomwe zinali zabwino kwa iye kuposa iye, ndipo panthawiyi, kumuchotsa udindo wake), ndi chinthu chomwe chikupitiriza kunenedwa ngakhale masiku ano.

Pamene mwamuna akuganiza kuti sakukwanira kwa inu, pakhoza kukhala zifukwa zambirimbiri kumbuyo kwake. Mwina zolinga zake ndi zoona. Angakhulupirire kuti mukuyenera kukhala ndi mnzanu wabwino kuposa iye chifukwa cha mtima wanu wabwino, udindo, kapena kuyenerera kwanu. Mwamuna amadzimva kukhala wosakwanira pachibwenzi pamene akuwona kuti sangathe kukwaniritsa zosowa za wokondedwa wake, m'maganizo, mwakuthupi, kapena pamagulu.

Kapenanso, kunena kuti iye sali wokwanira kwa inu kungakhale njira yochepetsera kulakwa kwake. Nthawi zina, mnyamata akamanena kuti sakukufunirani zabwino, ndiye kuti wachita kale zinthu zoipa. Ngati safuna kuvomereza ndi kuvomereza zochita zake, atha kugwiritsa ntchito mzerewu kuti adzichotse. Nthawi zambiri, cliche iyi nthawi zambiri imagwiritsidwa ntchito kupanga kutalikirana ndi munthu winayo ngati njira yodzichotsera yekha pachibwenzi.

Koma akutanthauza chiyani kwenikweni akanena kuti sakukwanira? Ngati mukuwona bwino zizindikiro zonse zomwe akuganiza kuti sali bwino, mumatani pamenepa? Tiyeni tiyese kuzilingalira pamodzi.

N'chifukwa Chiyani Munthu Akunena Kuti Sakukwanirani?

M'ndandanda wazopezekamo

Ponena kuti sakukwanirani, akungofuna kukuchotsani kapena pakhoza kukhala tanthauzo lakuya m'mawuwo. Ikhozanso kukhala chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za chibwenzi ndi mwamuna wosadzidalira . Kodi mungapitirire nthawi yayitali bwanji chibwenzi chanu chili chokha pamene mnzanuyo ali ndi khalidwe losachitapo kanthu?

Inde, n’kutheka kuti iye ndi munthu wabwino mu mtima mwake. Mwina chikhalidwe chake ndi zolinga za moyo ndizosiyana ndi zanu. Zikatero, n’zopanda dyera kwa iye kukusiyani n’kuthetsa ubwenzi umene wasanduka gwero latsoka kwa inu nonse. Koma mnyamata akamanena kuti sali wokwanira kuti akuduleni popanda kuchita khama, popanda kulimbana ndi chibwenzicho, zimasonyeza kuti iye sali bwino.

Kodi munayamba mwadzifunsapo choti munene ngati chibwenzi chanu chikuganiza kuti sichili bwino? Mudzakumana ndi zovuta kuvomereza kuti munthu amene mumamukonda komanso kumukonda kwambiri akukusiyani mosavuta. Musanafike pa mfundo iliyonse, muyenera kupeza zifukwa zomwe zanenedwazi. Timayesetsa kumvetsa bwino tanthauzo lake akamanena kuti sali bwino kwa inu. Kodi akuganizadi kuti sakuyenererani kapena sangakupatseni zomwe mukufuna? Kapena, kodi iyi ndi njira yake yochotsera chibwenzi?

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1. Iye amadziona kuti ndi woipa

Nthawi zina mwamuna amaganiza kuti njira zake sizingakhudze wokondedwa wake. Zitha kukhalanso momwe ena amakuonerani chifukwa choyanjana naye ndipo sakufuna kuti mudutse. Motero, kunena kuti “Ine sindiri wabwino kwa iwe” ndi njira yakukankhira kutali. Anthu ena amaonanso kuti kusakhazikika kwawo m'maganizo kapena katundu wawo ndi wochulukira kuti abweretse ena ndipo amayesa kupeŵa kukokera anthu kumoyo wawo wodzitcha 'wosokoneza'.

Kunena zoona, kodi mwamuna wamkulu angaike bwanji chikoka chake choipa pa mkazi wamkulu? Pokhapokha ngati ndi munthu wokonda zinthu zosayenera, wozunza, kapena wachifwamba. Mwamuna akaganiza kuti sakukwanirani, sakumvetsa kuti si udindo wake kusankha. Muli ndi mphamvu zokwanira zodzisankhira nokha. Ngakhale kuti ali ndi nkhawa zambiri paubwenzi , ngati muli ndi chidaliro chokhudza mgwirizanowu koma mukuona zizindikiro zoti akuganiza kuti sakukwanirani, ndi nthawi yoti mumusonyeze chikondi champhamvu.

Ngakhale zingawoneke ngati zabwino, nthawi zambiri kumakhala kuyesa kolakwika kuyesa kuletsa malingaliro a wina powauza kuti asatengeke ndi inu, powauza kuti simuli abwino kwa iwo. Zikatero, munthu amene akulefulidwa kuti ayambe chibwenzi akhoza kuchita zosiyana kwambiri. Pamene timakonda kuganiza kuti ndi udindo wathu kukonza munthu wosweka, makamaka tikakhala pa chibwenzi, mumangokhalira kukakamira osati kuvomereza kuti akukankhirani kutali.

2. Amafuna zinthu zosiyana ndi moyo

Mwamuna ayenera kukhala wodzidalira kwambiri pa luso lake monga munthu wosakhala ndi udindo woletsa zinthu paubwenzi ndi mkazi. Kukhudzidwa ndi unyolo wa umuna woopsa sikungathandize pankhaniyi. Komabe, nthawi zina, ngakhale mwamunayo atadzuka n’kukufunirani zabwino, sangafunenso zinthu zomwezo m’moyo wonse.

Nthawi ina, ndinamva mnzanga Patrick akugwiritsa ntchito kusamuka uku ndi mtsikana wake ndipo ndinakhumudwa kwambiri naye. “Kodi mungamulole bwanji mtsikana wokoma chonchi kuchoka chonchi?” Koma atafotokoza maganizo ake, ndinayamba kuona kuti mnyamata akamanena kuti sakukufunirani zabwino, angakhale ndi zifukwa zake.

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Patrick sanali munthu ndi chikhumbo chachikulu, kukhala wokhutira mwangwiro pa matabwa a abambo ake, kukhala moyo wake wosavuta wamba. Pomwe Alicia anali womaliza maphunziro a Princeton akudzikulitsa yekha maloto akulu. Popeza Patrick sanafune kuti aphwanye zolinga zake chifukwa cha ubalewu komanso kwa iye, kuyimitsa kusiya chinali chinthu choyenera kuchita.

Choncho, akanena kuti sakukwanirani, mwina n’chifukwa chakuti sakufuna kukutsekerezani, kutanthauza kuti si zimene mukuyembekezera ndiponso kuti sangakwanitse zimene mukuyembekezera.

3. Kutsika kwake kumamupangitsa kuganiza momwe amaganizira

Munthu amene anakuwuzani kuti sali bwino kwa inu mwina anaiwala mawu oti 'zokwanira' m'chiganizo chimenecho. Nthawi zambiri kudziona ngati munthu wonyozeka kungapangitse anthu kuchita zinthu zopanda pake ndipo sangathe kudalirana muubwenzi . Njira imodzi yodziwika bwino yomwe anthu amachitira ndi vutoli ndi kukhala ndi maganizo onyenga akuti ndi wapamwamba.

Komabe, anthu ena amangodziona kuti ndi abwino kwachabe ndipo amakankhira anzawo omwe angakhale nawo patali polankhula mawu otere. Mwina akhala akulera anthu opanda chiyembekezo kuyambira ali ana. Zingayambike chifukwa cha makolo oipa kapena kupezerera anzawo kusukulu kumene ankauzidwa mobwerezabwereza kuti sangachite chilichonse chaphindu.

Pambuyo pake, adatembenuza mawu awa kukhala chenicheni chake ndipo adayamba kukhulupirira kuti ndi wolephera. Mwayi wake, pamene mwamuna adziwona kukhala wopereŵera pachibwenzi, amakhala m’kati mwa kusadzisungika koteroko kumene kumamkhutiritsa kuti iye akuwononganso moyo wanu. Ngati mukuganiza kuti mwamuna wanu akuchitanso chimodzimodzi, yesani kukambirana naye zakukhosi kwake. Yesani kumutsimikizira kuti alidi wabwino mokwanira, ndipo ngati pamapeto pake, sangagwirizane nazo ndi kumaganizabe kuti ali ndi chikoka choipa, ndiye kuti mungoyenera kupitiriza.

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4. Angafune kukukhumudwitsani mosavuta

Mnyamata akamaona kuti wasiya kukonda mtsikana wake ndipo akufunafuna njira yothetsa chibwenzicho, angagwiritse ntchito mawu akuti, “Sindili woyenera kwa iwe”, kuti achepetse mkwiyo. Mawuwa ndi ofanana ndi “Si iwe. Ndi ine ” chifukwa chothetsa chibwenzi. Ngati muganizira za izi, kwenikweni ndi zokoma, kunena bodza loyera kuti mukhumudwe mosavuta. Koma vuto la mabodza ambiri oyera ndilakuti angakubwerereni kudzakuvutitsani.

M'tsogolomu, ngati mutapeza kuti chifukwa chake munali inu osati iye, ndiye kuti kuperekedwa komwe mungamve kudzakhala kwakukulu kuposa kale. Motero, kunama pamene ukusudzulana ndi chinthu choipa. Paubwenzi wanthawi yochepa, pomwe nonse mukungochepetsa zotayika zanu ndikunena kuti, “Ine sindiri wabwino kwa inu” ndi kupita patsogolo, zitha kuonedwa ngati kuchita kwachifundo, koma lingaliro lomwelo silingagwire ntchito pazochitika zina zilizonse.

Palibe njira ina yabwino kuposa kukhulupirika – tiyenera kulalikira ndi kuchita izi kawirikawiri. Anthu amatha kuchoka m'chikondi, ndi zachilendo. Ngati zili choncho, mwamuna ayenera kuuza mnzake choonadi chonse. Mnyamata akanena kuti sakukufunirani zabwino, sali wokonzeka kuvomereza mmene akumvera. Mwina, ichi si chimodzi mwamakhalidwe omwe mumayang'ana mwa mwamuna, ndipo kutuluka ndi kusankha kwanzeru apa.

5. Akhoza kusokonezeka

Chifukwa china chomwe chimayambitsa vutoli chingakhale chakuti wasokonezeka kwambiri. Anthu ambiri amasokonezeka kwambiri akamaganizira zomwe akumvera komanso momwe ayenera kufotokozera zakukhosi kwawo. Kusakhulupirika muubwenzi kumatha kupha umunthu wake weniweni. Ambiri a iwo sangadzionetsere okha ndipo zimenezi zimapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kwambiri kunena maganizo awo.

Mwinamwake, kwa ena, “Ine sindiri wabwino kwa inu” ndi mawu amene anamva m’programu ina ya pa TV, ndipo anamveka kukhala okoma mtima. Koma moyo suli chabe chithunzithunzi cha chikhalidwe cha pop. M'pake kuti ngati mukuganiza kuti ndi zachibwana kwambiri, ndiyenera kuvomerezana nanu. Anthu amakonda kuchita zinthu mopanda phindu nthawi zina, ndipo chowonadi chomvetsa chisoni ndichakuti amangonena zinthu popanda tanthauzo. Awa atha kukhala mawu odziwika bwino omwe mwamuna amagwiritsa ntchito poyesera kuti awoneke ngati wabwino komanso wamafilimu.

Ndikukhulupirira kuti tsopano mukudziwa zomwe zikuchitika zomwe zimapangitsa munthu kuti abwere ndi cliche yakaleyi. Ngati mukukayikirabe kuti munganene chiyani pamene bwenzi lanu likuganiza kuti sali bwino, nyamukani ndipo mufunseni zoona. Sibwino kuti thanzi lanu likhazikike pamalingaliro azomwe zingasokoneze ubale wanu.

Kotero, mukaona zizindikiro zomwe akuganiza kuti sakukwanirani, pali njira ziwiri zomwe zikupezeka: Kaya mukambirane naye ndikuthetsa vutoli kapena pitirizani popanda kutseka bwino . Chisankho ndi chanu.

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