Kodi Kuopa Ubale Ndi Chiyani Ndipo Mungapirire Bwanji?

Kufalitsa chikondi

Kuopa maubwenzi sikumveka. Kwa anthu ambiri, mwina ndi chifukwa chake "gawo limodzi" limatenga nthawi yayitali. Nthawi zambiri, si chinthu chodetsa nkhawa. Koma pamene malingaliro ofooketsa amalingaliro akuyamba kukondana, filosofi imatha kusokoneza ubale uliwonse wachikondi womwe munthu amakhalamo.

Mwina zimachokera ku zomwe mudakumana nazo kapena ubale wovuta womwe muli nawo ndi inu nokha. Zingakutsogolereni kuti mupewe masiku oyamba kapena kuopa kutaya munthu nthawi iliyonse akayamba kuyandikira pang'ono.

Kaya ndi nkhawa kapena kudzipatula komwe mumakumana nako, mantha a ubale amatha kuthetsedwa. Mothandizidwa ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa ubale ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, tiyeni timvetse mantha a ubale.

Kodi Philophobia Ndi Chiyani - Kuopa Ubale?

M'ndandanda wazopezekamo

Kuopa maubwenzi, komwe kumadziwikanso kuti philophobia, ndi mantha okondana, kulimbikitsa kapena kusunga maubwenzi achikondi. Mwina mudakumanapo ndi vutoli mutasiya kukondana kapena mutakhala ndi maubwenzi oipa. Komabe, nthawi zambiri, philophobia ingayambitse kudzipatula, kumva kuti simukukondedwa, kuvutika maganizo komanso mavuto ambiri azaumoyo.

Wina akamanena kuti, “Ndimaopa kucheza ndi anthu,” kwenikweni amanena kuti akuopa kukanidwa.” Amati akuopa kuti zofooka zawo zidzagwiritsiridwa ntchito kwa iwo, zomwe zingawachititse kupeŵa maubwenzi m’tsogolomu.

"Nthawi zina, zitha kukhala chifukwa cha vuto la umunthu. Anthu oterewa amavutika kukhala paubwenzi ndi ena. Amavutika kuvomereza zomwe akumva, ndipo nthawi zambiri amakonda kukhala okha, ngakhale atakhala kuti akufuna kukhala paubwenzi," akutero Dr. Bhonsle.

Kuopa maubwenzi kungapangitse munthu kuganiza kuti sangathe kukondedwa. Kapena ngati akukana, atha kuzibisa ponena kuti "akusangalala ndi moyo wosakwatiwa". M'malo mwake, amakhumudwa chifukwa chopatsa munthu mwayi woti awapweteke popanda kubwezera.

Tsopano popeza mukudziwa dzina la mantha a maubwenzi ndi momwe amamvekera, mwina mukudabwa komwe amachokera komanso momwe mungakonzere vutoli. Ngati ndinu munthu amene amasokoneza anthu pa mapulogalamu a chibwenzi pambuyo poti makambirano ayamba kukhala achinsinsi kwambiri, muyenera kupitiriza kuwerenga.

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Kodi Philophobia Imachititsa Chiyani?

“Munthu akakhala ndi mantha a kudzipereka m’chibwenzi, kwenikweni amaona kuti chiwopsezo cha kusweka mtima kwake n’chachikulu kwambiri, motero amachotsedwa m’njira yonseyo.” Lingaliro lonse limazikidwa pa kukumbukira, ndicho chifukwa chake, nthaŵi zambiri, chimayamba chifukwa cha chinachake chimene munthu anakumana nacho,” anatero Dr. Bhonsle.

Zochitika zingapo zokhudzana ndi momwe munachitidwira pamene mudapempha chikondi muli mwana ndizokwanira kuwononga malingaliro anu a chikondi ndi chisamaliro. Ichi ndichifukwa chake zomwe zimayambitsa zimakhala zapadera kwa munthu aliyense, ndipo chifukwa chake zimakhala zovuta kudziwa chimodzi. Ngakhale zili choncho, Dr. Bhonsle amatithandiza kutchula zifukwa zofala kwambiri za filosofi:

1. Mphamvu za m'banja

Malinga ndi kafukufuku , mbiri ya nkhanza kapena kunyalanyazidwa imapangitsa kuti wozunzidwayo ayambe kuvutika kugonana komanso kukwiya ndi chibwenzi. Mwanjira ina, kusakhazikika kwa banja komwe mwana amakumana nako kungayambitse mantha pa ubale mtsogolo.

Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza chifukwa chachikulu cha phobia. " Mkhalidwe wa m'banja umachita gawo lalikulu pa vutoli. Zachidziwikire, mantha a ubale pambuyo pa nkhanza kuchokera kwa osamalira oyamba ndiye chifukwa chachikulu, koma zitha kuchitikanso pamene osamalira oyamba akhala osamvetsetsana pankhani yopereka chikondi.

“Ngati mwanayo ananyozedwa chifukwa chopempha thandizo ndi chithandizo kwa olera ake oyambirira, adzakhala ndi nkhawa akadzatero.” Chimene chimafunika ndi chakuti wolera wamkulu azinena motsatira mfundo yakuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani ukupitiriza kumamatira kwa ine? Pita ukachite zina” kuti mwanayo amve ngati sangadalire pa iwo.

2. Zochitika zakale zovuta zimatha kuyambitsa mantha a maubwenzi

“Sikofunikira kuti kusintha kwa m’banja n’kumene kumachititsa anthu kukhala ndi mantha amenewa.” Mwina iwo anadutsamo zinazake adakali aang’ono.

"Mwina adakumana ndi kusakhulupirika kapena china chake m'mbuyomu. Monga ndanenera, malingaliro onse amachokera pa kukumbukira. Kukumbukira koyipa pa maubwenzi ndikokwanira kuyambitsa mantha a ubwenzi ," akutero Dr. Bhonsle.

Soketi yamagetsi yododometsa ikakugwedezani, mwina mudzayipewa nthawi ina, kapena mudzaphimbidwa mutu mpaka chala ndi zida zodzitchinjiriza ngati mungalowe nazo. Momwemonso, munthu akangokumana ndi vuto ndi maubwenzi, amawapewa (ndikuwaopa) m'tsogolomu.

3. Kusokonezeka kwa umunthu

philophobia ikhoza kuyambitsidwa ndi vuto la umunthu — Kusokonezeka kwa umunthu kungakhudze momwe mumayendera maubwenzi

Malinga ndi kafukufuku , mavuto amisala angayambitse mantha a maubwenzi ndi nkhawa zaubwenzi. "Matenda amisala monga bipolar disorder kapena narcissistic personality disorder nawonso angakhale chifukwa cha mantha a kudzipereka muubwenzi."

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Anthu amene ali ndi vuto la umunthu wotero amakhala ndi ubale wolakwika kapena angaganize kuti akhoza kuchita zinthu zosayenera, zomwe n’zosayenera kuwakonda.

4. Nkhani zodzidalira

"Momwe mumachitira zinthu ndi anthu ena zidzasonyeza momwe mumachitira zinthu ndi inu nokha. Zimakhala zovuta kwambiri. Mwachitsanzo, ngati simukudziona kuti ndinu wofunika kwambiri, mungaganize kuti anzanu okondana nawo adzakumverani chimodzimodzi. Chifukwa chake, munthu amene ali ndi vuto lodzidalira akhoza kupewa chibwenzi chonse," akutero Dr. Bhonsle.

5. Khalidwe lophunzira

Monga kupitiriza kwa zochitika za m'banja zomwe munthu amakumana nazo, zitsanzo za chikondi zomwe amaziwona mozungulira zimatha kugwedeza zikhulupiriro zawo za momwe zimakhalira. Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza mmene kusowa kwa chitsanzo cha chikondi kungakhudzire zikhulupiriro za munthu pa chikondicho.

“Ngati munthu ali ndi mayi amene nthawi zonse amasiya mwana wake kuti asaganize zokwatira chifukwa chakuti wakeyo ndi womuchitira nkhanza, n’zosavuta kuona mmene zimakhalira ndi mantha a maubwenzi pambuyo pa nkhanza.” Chomwe chimafunika ndi chakuti mayi azinena motsatira mfundo yakuti, “Osakwatira konse, waona mmene bambo ako amachitira nane,” iye akutero.

Kafukufuku akusonyezanso kuti kholo lomwe lili ndi matenda amisala monga narcissistic personality disorder lingayambitse kusagwirizana ndi ana.

“M’zochitika zina, mantha a maunansi sangatengeke kwambiri kuti adziloŵetse m’maganizo a munthu.” Kukambitsirana kosokoneza ponena za chikondi, kuchitapo kanthu kosayenera pamene mwana apempha chikondi ndi chichirikizo, kapena ngakhale njira yolerera yosagwirizana ingakhale zolakwa,” iye akuwonjezera motero.

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5 Zizindikiro Mumaopa Ubale

Kudziwa zomwe zimayambitsa mantha a maubwenzi kungakupatseni lingaliro la komwe mavuto anu odzipereka amachokera. Komabe, pokhapokha mutadziwa momwe zimaonekera m'moyo wanu, mutha kuzibisa bwino kumbuyo kwa mawu akuti "kusangalala ndi moyo wosakwatiwa".

Tiyeni tiwone ngati kutha kwa maubwenzi omwe mukutengako kukungotsala pang'ono chabe, kapena ngati muyenera kuvomereza zomwe zikuchitika pansi pano.

1. Kusafuna kuchoka pa chibwenzi

Kutenga nthawi yopuma pambuyo pa chibwenzi kuti mugunde masewera a chibwenzi sikwachilendo, ndi bwino. Komabe, ngati mukupeza kuti mukuchoka kwa okondana nawo nthawi zonse, zitha kuwonetsa vuto lalikulu.

Makamaka ngati mukufuna chibwenzi ndi munthu wina koma pamapeto pake mukuchoka. Kuopa maubwenzi kumatha kuwongolera momwe mumalankhulira ndi munthu osazindikira. Masiku ochepa mayankho ochedwetsedwa ndi tsiku losagwira ntchito ndizomwe zimatengera.

2. Mndandanda wa maubwenzi oipa

Malinga ndi kafukufuku , anthu omwe amaopa kudzipereka muubwenzi amakonda kuwononga ubale wawo. Ngati munthu adzitsimikizira kuti sakondedwa, zingawonekere m'njira imene amachitira zinthu muubwenziwo.

Akhoza kupangitsa zinthu kukhala zovuta kwa wokondedwa wawo. Akhozanso kuchita zinthu zomwe zingawononge ubale wawo chifukwa chakuti amakhulupirira kuti tsogolo lawo silidzatha.

3. Kupewa ubwenzi wapamtima

“Ndimaopa kukhala ndi zibwenzi, koma ndinaganiza kuti zinazimiririka pamene ndinalumpha chikhulupiriro ndi kuyamba chibwenzi ndi mnzanga wapanthaŵiyo.” Sindinadziŵe kuti kudana kwanga ndi filosofi kunapitirizabe kuonekera.

"Kumbali ina, mnzanga amasonyeza chikondi mwa kuchita zinthu zolimbitsa thupi kwambiri komanso kudzera m'njira zina zosonyeza chikondi . Zinafika poti sindingathe kupirira, ndipo ndinayamba kuchita zinthu zambiri," Jessica anatiuza.

Ubwenzi wakuthupi ndi mwala wapangodya wa kukhazikitsa ubale wapamtima ndi wokondedwa wanu. Wina amene amaopa kukhala ndi chibwenzi akhoza kupewa kutero kuti asalole wina kulowa.

4. Mwina simungathe kufotokoza zosowa zanu kapena malingaliro anu

Popeza munthu amene amaopa kudzipereka muubwenzi nthawi zambiri amadziona ngati "osakondedwa" angaganize kuti kuyankhula za zosowa zawo ndi zomwe akufuna "kungasokoneze" mnzanuyo ndikumusiya.

Izi, nazonso, zimapangitsa kuti pakhale kusagwirizana. Wokondedwayo sangathe kuwerenga, kumusiya munthuyo akulimbana ndi mantha a ubale akumva ngati zosowa zawo sizikukwaniritsidwa. Izi zimalimbitsanso chikhulupiriro chomwe ali nacho chakuti sayenera kukondedwa kapena kukondedwa, zomwe zimayambitsa khalidwe lowononga.

5. Kufunsa kwambiri za ubale

Kuganizira za kulimba kwa ubale wanu mutatha ndewu yovuta mukangoyamba miyezi iwiri, ndi zachilendo. Komabe, ngakhale masiku abwino mutakhala osatsimikiza za ubalewu ndikudzifunsa kuti, "Kodi ndikusangalala? Kodi pali china chake apa?", zitha kukhala chifukwa chodera nkhawa. Mukakayikira maziko ake kangapo, mungayambe kukhulupirira kukayikira komwe mwapanga m'maganizo mwanu.

Philophobia ikhoza kusokoneza ubale uliwonse womwe mumapanga ndi wina. Zikhale zachikondi, akatswiri kapenanso ubwenzi, kulephera kufotokoza zosowa zanu kumangodya. Ndicho chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa momwe mungagonjetsere mantha a maubwenzi.

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Maupangiri Otsogolera Ndi Kuthana Ndi Mantha Ngati Mumaopa Maubwenzi

Mukakhala pachibwenzi ndi wina, mukuwonetsa zofooka zanu ndi kudzikonda kwanu kwa iwo. Zili ngati kunena kuti, “Ndimakukonda, ndipo ndikufuna kuti undionere.” Koma ndi ubale woterewu, mumakhala pachiwopsezo chogwiritsiridwa ntchito motsutsana nanu.

Sizikutanthauza kuti anthu amene amaopa kukhala pachibwenzi sakhulupirira anzawo kapena kuganiza kuti akufuna kuwapeza. Amawopa zosadziŵika, ndipo tsogolo la ubale uliwonse silidziŵika kwa ife—ngakhale pambuyo pa chitsimikiziro chosalekeza.

Ndi chikondi chochuluka chokhudzidwa, zowawa za imfa zimakhala zazikulu mofanana. Ndi chidaliro chochuluka chokhazikitsidwa, nthawi zonse pamakhala mwayi woti zisweka. "Bwanji ngati?" Ubale umene timaukonda kwambiri umapangitsa anthu kuwaopa, n'chifukwa chake ena amawapewa kotheratu.

Nthawi ina m'miyoyo yathu, tiyenera kuti tinakhalanso ndi mantha a maubwenzi. Koma zikasintha kuchokera pa kupewa chibwenzi choyamba mpaka kukhala ndi nkhawa yoti simungakhale pachibwenzi ndi munthu wina, zingakhudze moyo wanu watsiku ndi tsiku. Dr. Bhonsle akugawana malangizo angapo amomwe mungagonjetsere mantha a maubwenzi:

1. Funsani thandizo la akatswiri

“Chinthu choyamba chimene aliyense ayenera kuchita ndicho kulankhula ndi dokotala amene angamuthandize kudziwa chimene chimachititsa kuti anthu azidana ndi filosofi.” Katswiri wa zachipatala adzatha kudziwa mmene munthu angakhalire wodzidalira komanso kuthetsa chimene chimayambitsa filosofi.

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Munthu amene amadziona kuti ndi wofunika kwambiri salola kuti zofuna zake zidziwike, ndipo safuna kuti wina aziwatsimikizira ngati mmene amachitira munthu wosatetezeka.

Ndikofunikiranso kuzindikira kuti kuphunzira zizindikiro zake ndi kuphunzira zomwe zimatchedwa mantha a maubwenzi sizikutanthauza kuti ndi zomwe muli nazo. Mikhalidwe ya munthu aliyense ndi yapadera, ndipo katswiri wovomerezeka yekha ndi amene angamuzindikire molondola.

Makamaka ngati mukuganiza kuti mukuvutika ndi vuto la matenda amisala lomwe likulepheretsani kudziyika nokha muubwenzi, ndikofunikira kuthana nalo. Kaya mukufuna kuthetsa mantha odzipereka muubwenzi womwe muli nawo kapena mukufuna kuyesetsa kudzidalira, gulu la akatswiri odziwa bwino ntchito za Bonobology , kuphatikiza Dr. Aman Bhonsle, lingakuthandizeni kufika pamenepo.

2. Yesetsani kukhala pachiwopsezo

Ngati pali mantha a ubale, nthawi zambiri simumasuka ndi munthu wina pofuna kumuletsa kulowa. Mukalola kuti mumve zomwe mukukumva ndikuuza mnzanuyo zimenezo, mudzakhala mukupita patsogolo kwambiri kuti mukhazikitse ubale wapamtima.

Muyenera kunyalanyaza mawu omwe ali m'mutu mwanu omwe amakuuzani kuti musalankhule zomwe mukumva. Zitha kuwoneka ngati kudumpha kumakuwomba pamaso panu, koma kumapeto kwa tsiku, mudzaphunzira kuti mutha kupanga maubwenzi abwino poika pachiwopsezo.

3. Yesetsani kukulitsa ulemu wanu

Monga momwe Dr. Bhonsle ananenera, mmene mumachitira ndi inu nokha zidzadalira mmene mumachitira ndi ena m’moyo wanu. Pamene malingaliro anu sali abwino, mudzaganiza kuti anthu omwe akuzungulirani amaganiza chimodzimodzi.

Yesetsani kuletsa mawu odzidetsawo, ndipo musalole maganizo onga akuti “Sindine wokwanira pa ubwenzi umenewu” kapena “Sindiyenera kufotokoza zakukhosi kwanga” kukufikirani. Njira imodzi yoyambira kudzilimbitsa ingakhale pothana ndi zinthu zomwe muli ndi vuto ndikudzichitira nokha.

Kuopa maubwenzi kungakulepheretseni kukhala ndi ubale wapamtima ndi wina. Zingakulepheretseni kugawana zomwe mwakumana nazo, ndipo machitidwe owononga omwe mumachita nawo angapangitse kudzipatula. Zifukwa zomwe mukukayikira ndizopadera kwa inu, ndipo kudzizindikiritsa nokha (mis) kumakhala kovulaza ngati kusathana nako. Tsopano popeza mukudziwa bwino momwe mantha a maubwenzi amawonekera m'moyo wa munthu, tikukhulupirira kuti mfundo zomwe talembazi zingakuthandizeni kuthana nazo, kuopera kuti mutha kuganiza kuti simuli woyenera kukondedwa.

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