Si Inu, Ndi Ine - Chowiringula Chosiyana? Kodi Limatanthauza Chiyani Kwenikweni

“Si inu, ndi ine” ndi tingachipeze powerenga kutha mzere anthu ntchito pamene iwo amatopa ndi ubale wawo ndipo amafuna chibwenzi munthu wina. Poyamba anali kukukondani koma sakumva chimodzimodzi tsopano kotero amagwiritsa ntchito njira iyi yotchedwa pseudo-chifundo pomwe mawu amawoneka achifundo kwambiri koma zoona zake sizili choncho. Mwachitsanzo, "Muyenera bwino" nthawi zambiri amatanthawuza "Ndasiya kukukondani / Ndiyeneradi kukhala bwino" kapena "Mulungu, ndikukhumba kuti nthawiyo inali yabwino" amatanthawuza kuti "Kutalikirana ndi ululu wotero / Ndikungofuna kufufuza mankhwala osokoneza bongo ndi kugonana kwachisawawa, mwamtendere."

Ndiye, kodi zikutanthauza chiyani anthu akamati “si inu, ndi ine” pamene palibe chomwe chalakwika ndipo nonse awiri munali osangalala momwe mungathere? Tiyeni tipeze yankho mothandizidwa ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Kranti Momin (Masters in Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wodziwa bwino ntchito ya CBT ndipo ndi katswiri pa nkhani zosiyanasiyana zokhudza uphungu wa ubale.

Si Inu, Ndi Ine: Zomwe Zikutanthauza

Wolemba mabuku wina dzina lake Caroline Hanson ananena kuti: “Ndimadziwa kuti munthu akakuuzani kuti ‘akuchita zimene zili zabwino kwa inu,’ mumakhumudwa kwambiri. Apo, iye ananena izo. Komano, n’chifukwa chiyani wina angasankhe njira yachidule, yosamvetsetseka, yodabwitsa komanso yosokoneza kuti athetse chibwenzi? "Ndine, osati iwe" - tiyeni tipeze tanthauzo la mawu awa:

1. Si iwe, ndi ine = Ndilibe kulimbika mtima kunena chilungamo

“Pepani, si inu, ndi ine” ndi njira yodzitetezera yomwe munthu amayesa kuganiza kuti pali kusiyana pakati pa mwamuna ndi mkazi, malinga ndi Kranti Momin . Iye anati, “Popeza anthu amamva chisoni akamavutitsa okondedwa awo, amapeza njira zodzipangitsa kumva bwino. Amadzionetsera.” Mwina mwataya chidwi nawo kapena mwina muli omasuka muubwenzi koma simulinso pachikondi.

Chowonadi ndi chakuti, mumamukondabe mnzanuyo ndipo simukufuna kuwakhumudwitsa pokhala oona mtima. Simukufuna kukhala wosweka mtima. Ndiye mumatani akamakutumizirani mameseji: "Kodi zonse zili bwino ndi ife, mwana?" Kodi mumayankha bwanji pameseji yomwe simukufuna kuyankha? Mumanamizira zabwino ndipo mumatenga mlandu wonse kuti musamamve kuti ndinu wolakwa pakutaya wokondedwa wanu.

Mungaganize kuti mukugwiritsa ntchito chifukwa chakuti “ndi ine, si inuyo” chifukwa mukufuna kuchepetsa ululu kwa wokondedwa wanu koma zoona zake n’zakuti mukuchita zimenezi kuti mukhale ndi mtendere wamumtima – kuti musamamve ngati wochimwa komanso kuti mugone bwino usiku. Choncho, mtsikana akanena kuti “si iwe, ndi ine,” zimaoneka ngati zikuchokera kumalo opanda dyera koma akhoza kukhala odzikonda chabe.

2. Ndinunso

Kranti anati: “Akanena kuti si inuyo, ndi ine, ndiye kuti ndi iyeyo.” Pa nthawi ya uphungu, ndimaona anthu akupereka zifukwa zosamveka zopezera banja lawo.” Zimenezi n’zoona.

“Mwachitsanzo, kusakonda mtundu wa thupi la munthu (ngakhale pamene munthuyo ali ndi makhalidwe ena onse monga kukhala wosamala kwambiri ndi wachikondi). Chifukwa chake, kuti asamveke mwano, amasankha kunena kuti, "Si iwe, ndi ine."

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3. Si iwe, ndi ine kutanthauza: Ndapeza wina

Pa funso loti n’chifukwa chiyani mwamuna amanena kuti “si iwe, ndi ine,” Kranti Momin anayankha kuti, “Akhoza kukhala akukunamiza. Ikhoza kukhala chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za mlandu wachinyengo zomwe muyenera kusamala nazo . Zikatero, simudzadziwa zifukwa zenizeni za kusudzulana kwanu, ngakhale mutayesetsa bwanji. Mwachionekere, sadzakuuzani kuti pali wina watsopano. Adzangonena mosavuta kuti: si iwe, ndi ine.”

Zitheka bwanji kuti anali akukukondani masiku angapo apitawa tsopano akupanga ngati sakukuyenerani? Akupanga kuoneka ngati sakuyenera kukondedwa ndi inu. Izi ndi zizindikiro zoonekeratu kuti mwina akuganiza za kukunyengererani kapena ayenera kuti anachita kale ntchitoyo ndipo akuyesera kubisa kulakwa kwawo posonyeza chifundo chawo chabodza.

4. Ndikukumana ndi chinthu chachikulu

Nthawi zina “si iwe, ndi ine” amatanthauza ndendende momwe zimamvekera. Nanga bwanji ngati akuvutika maganizo? Kapena kungotaya kholo. Kapena kusiya ntchito yawo kuti ayambe chinachake kuyambira pachiyambi. Mwina akukumana ndi zovuta zapakati pa moyo wawo kapena zovuta zina monga kukhumudwa, kukanidwa ntchito, kapena vuto lalikulu lazachuma lomwe sakufuna kugawana nanu.

Kusintha kwakukulu koteroko kungakhale kukupangitsani kukuchotsani. Mwina, amafunika nthawi yokhala nokha kuti athetse vutoli. Koma kaya vuto ndi lotani, liyenera kudziwitsidwa bwino kwa inu. Kungonena kuti “si inu, ndi ine” sikokwanira. Kuthetsa chibwenzi mwamtendere kungapulumutse mavuto ambiri pambuyo pa kusudzulana.

5. Nthawi zonse ndimadzimva kuti sindidzakhala wokwanira kwa inu

Nthawi zina, wina akanena kuti si iwe, ndi ine, kumakhala kulira kopempha thandizo. Mwinamwake iwo moona mtima akupita m’dzenje la chidani chifukwa chakuti akuikani pachimake ndipo akuganiza kuti iwo samalingana ndi inu. Ngati wokondedwa wanu akukumana ndi izi, muyenera kudzifunsa - Kodi mukuchitapo kanthu kuti nthawi zonse muyambe kutsika? Kodi nthawi zonse mumawapangitsa kudziona ngati osayenerera ndiponso kuti inuyo mungathe kuchita bwino? 

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Si Inu, Ndi Ine — Njira Yoyenera Yothetsera Chibwenzi?

Ndizovuta kwambiri kuyankha kuti "si iwe, ndi ine" kukambirana kothetsa. Mungawafunse kuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani mukundilola kupita ngati palibe cholakwika ndi ine?” Kranti anati: “Zonse zimatengera mmene mumamvera mumtima mwanu.

Popeza anthu amasokonezeka akalekana ndi anzawo popanda chifukwa chilichonse, kukhala oona mtima ndiyo njira yabwino yothetsera chibwenzi. Choncho, ngakhale zitakhala zovuta bwanji, njira yakuti “si iwe, ndi ine” si njira yoyenera yolekana ndi munthu chifukwa kusuntha popanda kutseka n’kovuta kwambiri.

Kranti anati: “Sizimabweretsa mtendere kwa mnzako ndipo amangokhalira kupachika, munthu aliyense akuyenera kutsekeredwa, apo ayi zimamupweteka, ngati suuza wokondedwa wako zifukwa zenizeni zothetsera chibwenzicho, akhoza kukhala ndi mantha odzipereka komanso kukhulupirirana m’tsogolo.

“Musamamveke ngati zonyoza, zamwano, kapena zokhumudwitsa, koma chonde muuzeni mnzanuyo zifukwa zenizeni zimene zinachititsa kuti banja lanu lithe. Kumbali ina, ngati simukukonda momwe amawonekera, amalankhulira kapena machitidwe, musatchule mwatsatanetsatane. Ingonenani china chake chotsatira "Ndikukusanthulani mopambanitsa ndikusankha chilichonse. Sichilungamitso kwa inu ndipo ndikuyenera kudziwa zomwe ndikufuna kwa mnzanga."

Kapena ngati muli ndi ‘mtundu wina’ m’maganizo mwanu ndipo iwo sakukhoza kuyika bokosi la ziyembekezo zanu, nenani kuti: “Ndikuyang’ana zinthu zambiri mwa munthu mmodzi.” Mwinamwake sindidzapeza konse unansi wabwino umene ndili nawo m’maganizo mwanga.

Zoyenera kuchita ngati wina wathetsa chibwenzi nanu akunena kuti “Si iwe, ndi ine”

Mwambi wodziwika kwambiri umati, "Momwe amachoka amakuwuzani zonse." Ngati mukuganiza zosiya munthu poponya mzere wa 'si iwe, ndi ine', zimangowawonetsa mawonekedwe anu ofooka. Koma ngati wina wakusiyani pogwiritsa ntchito mawu okhumudwitsa aja, nazi zina zomwe mungachite:

• Ayankheni popanda kukwiya chifukwa asonyeza chikhalidwe chawo chenicheni. Khalani wamkulu ndipo yankhani mwauchikulire ponena kuti, “Inde. Ndikudziwa kuti ndi inu.
• Osawanena zoipa kwa ena
• Yesani kupita patsogolo popanda kutseka. Ngati izo zikuwoneka zosatheka, lankhulani nawo ndi kukambirana komaliza
• Lumikizanani ndi anzanu komanso abale anu, musadzipatule
• Osawakakamiza kuti azikukondani
• Yesani kudzisamalira
• Khulupirirani kuti mudzapezanso chikondi

Nthawi zambiri anthu amasankha mzerewu chifukwa pamafunika khama kuti auze wina chifukwa chake unasiya kumukonda kapena chomwe chinawapangitsa kubera. Ndi njira yosavuta yotulukira. Musalole kuti akhulupirire kuti ndi omwe akhudzidwa pano. Iwowo ndi amene anakuchitirani zoipa, choncho musawalole kuti akunyengeni. Ingogwirani mutu wanu mmwamba ndikupitirira.

Nkhaniyi idasinthidwa mu Epulo 2023.

Ibibazo

Njira 7 Zowonetsetsa Kutsekedwa Pambuyo Pakutha - Kodi Mukutsatira Izi?

Malangizo 9 Akatswiri Othana ndi Kupsinjika Maganizo Pambuyo Polekana

Magawo 7 A Chisoni Pambuyo Pakusudzulana: Malangizo Oti Mupitirire

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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