Ayi, ndili paubwenzi ndi ufulu basi! Ndinawerenga izi zanzeru-liner imodzi pa sitolo yogulitsa zokometsera zolemba ndipo sindikanachitira koma kusangalatsidwa ndi kukumba kosadziwika bwino komwe amati kutayika kwa ufulu mu maubwenzi. Ngakhale osakwatiwa nthawi zambiri amakumana ndi mafunso ochititsa manyazi ochokera kwa anthu okhudzana ndi (kusowa) moyo wachikondi, mabwenzi awo omwe adakwatirana kwambiri ndi anzawo amatha kumveka akudandaula za kudzimva kukhala oletsedwa muubwenzi kapena m'banja.
Zili ngati kuti kukhala pabanja kapena kudzipereka kuli ngati kupereka chisangalalo chanu cha moyo kwa wina. Munthu wokonda ufulu, wodzifunira yekha amene safuna kumangidwa chifukwa choopa kudzimva kuti ali ndi malire muubwenzi wakhala ngati chizolowezi cha anthu otchuka (ganizirani akazi okongola a Sex and the City and the Bold Type , Bridget Jones , ndi ena otero).
Mofananamo, chithunzi cha okwatirana osakondwa, okangana okwatirana omwe akufuna kupeza ufulu mu chiyanjano chapezanso zambiri pazaka makumi angapo zapitazi. Koma kodi ziwonetserozi ndi zongoganizira? Kodi kukwatiwa kumatanthauza kutaya ufulu wanu ndi chimwemwe chanu? Tiyeni tiwone momwe ufulu mu maubwenzi umawonekera, tanthauzo lake, ndi momwe umawonekera.
Kodi Ufulu Ndi Chiyani Mu Ubale?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kodi unansi wachimwemwe nthaŵi zonse umaphatikizapo kulolerana ndi kusintha kosafunikira? Kodi muyenera kusiya zosowa zanu ndi zokhumba zanu paguwa la okondedwa anu? Kodi munthu amene sali pa banja alidi ndi ufulu wochita zinthu mopanda tsankho? Kodi mungapeze ufulu m'maubwenzi m'njira yomwe imakwaniritsa zosowa zanu zonse popanda kukupangitsani kuti mukhale otsekeredwa?
Yankho la mafunso awa, monga ndi nkhani zonse m'moyo, lagona penapake pakati. Mosakayikira kukumbatira bwenzi la moyo wanu wonse kudzafuna malonjezo ena omwe muyenera kuvomereza ndikuvomereza. Komabe, funso lili m'malire omwe mumayika kuti mufotokoze ufulu muubwenzi. Malirewa amatha kusiyana pakati pa munthu ndi munthu, chifukwa chake ndikofunikira kufotokozera momwe zimakhalira ndikumasuka muubwenzi komanso zomwe ukapolo umabweretsa.
“Ufulu muubwenzi umadalira kupeza chimwemwe,” akutero Nisha Menon , wazaka 46, katswiri wazachuma. “Ngati ndikusangalala kukhala wodzipereka monga momwe ndilili wosakwatiwa, zikutanthauza kuti ndili ndi ufulu muubwenzi. Sindikufuna kuti zilakolako zanga zisokonezedwe, ndipo ngati ndikufunika kusokoneza, ziyenera kukhala mwa kusankha, osati mokakamizidwa.
“Mwatsoka, pali chikakamizo chochuluka cha chikhalidwe ndi chikhalidwe chofuna kukhala pabanja kapena kukhala ndi bwenzi m’moyo moti palibe amene amamvetsetsa kufunika kwa ufulu muubwenzi,” akutsimikizira motero. Kukhala mfulu ndi kudzipereka sizinthu ziwiri zomwe zimagwirizanitsa.
Anthu ambiri osakwatira amakhala ndi mantha odzipatulira , zomwe zimapangitsa kuti asinthe ubale wawo chifukwa choopa kumangidwa. Mantha akulu ndi awa: kuletsedwa muubwenzi womwe umawapangitsa kukhala osasangalala kapena kuwaletsa ufulu wawo wonse. Mariya Shabbir , yemwe ndi mkulu wa bungwe, wakhalabe wosakwatira chifukwa cha mantha amenewa.
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"Monga mkazi wodziimira pawokha yemwe amakhala moyo wosasamala, ndimaopa kuganiza za kuthera maola anga tsiku kwa munthu mmodzi. Ndimazindikira kufunika kopeza ufulu m'maubwenzi chifukwa ndikuwona anzanga apabanja akuvutikira kuti apeze ndalama zokwanira, amayenera kuika zofuna zawo kumbuyo kwa mabanja awo. N'chifukwa chiyani kukhala ndi moyo wotero? womvetsa chisoni?” akufunsa.
Komabe, malankhulidwe awa sagwira ngati mukumvetsa tanthauzo lenileni la kukhala mfulu mu ubale. Pachimake chake, chikondi chiyenera kukupangitsani kukhala womasuka. Kumasulidwa muubwenzi kumatanthauza kukhala weni weni osati kuvala chigoba chilichonse.
Pomwe mumayambira pachibwenzi, nthawi zonse pamakhala mawonekedwe pang'ono (mukuyesera kuti musangalatse wina ndi mnzake, pambuyo pake). Mukakhala omasuka kwambiri ndi mnzanu, mumataya zigawo zakunjazo ndikuyandikira kwa inu weniweni. Wokondedwa yemwe amakuthandizani ndi kutulutsa zabwino mwa inu amadziwa bwino momwe angaperekere ufulu mu chiyanjano kwa wokondedwa wawo. Ichi ndichifukwa chake ndikofunikira kusankha munthu amene amayamikira kukhala womasuka muubwenzi pawokha.
Pamapeto pake, ubale wabwino sumakukakamizani. Sumakupangitsani kumva ngati ufulu wanu ndi zofuna zanu zikuletsedwa, ndipo sizimakupangitsani kuganiza kuti mukukakamizika kukhala maola ambiri tsiku lililonse ndi munthu wina. Mukangodzipeza muubwenzi womwe mumafunadi, mumadzipeza mukusangalala ndi maola omwe mumakhala ndi mnzanu. Komanso, kukhala omasuka muubwenzi kumakhudzana kwambiri ndi malingaliro aumwini a ufulu.
Izi zikunenedwa, tiyeni tiwone zomwe ufulu mu maubwenzi umatanthauza kuti abwenzi asakhale ndi chithunzi chowoneka bwino. Mukamvetsetsa momwe kutayika kwaufulu mu maubwenzi kumawonekera, mutha kungozindikira kuti muli ndi zambiri zoti muthokoze.
Ufulu Mu Ubale - Zinthu 10 Zomwe Zimatanthauza
Chikondi ndi malingaliro okongola komanso ovuta, koma mfundo yaikulu ndi yakuti: Simungaganize zopeza ufulu muubwenzi ngati muli ndi mtima wodzikonda. Zimafunika anthu awiri kuti achite tango ndipo mgwirizano wopanda pake pomwe m'modzi mwa okwatiranawo nthawi zonse amayenera kugonja kuti mgwirizanowo upitirire sungaganizidwe kuti ndi ubale woyenera. Ubwenzi wabwino sungakhazikike pakati pa nkhondo yolimba ya mphamvu muubwenzi.
Ndiye kodi tingatani kuti tikhalebe ndi ufulu wabwino? Mwina njira yabwino yodziwira ngati muli ndi ufulu pachibwenzi ndikudutsa mndandandawu ndikuwunika ngati zikukhudza inu ndi theka lanu labwino:
1. Maganizo opatsa ndi kutenga
Monga tafotokozera pamwambapa, lamulo loyamba lopeza ufulu mu maubwenzi ndi kufunitsitsa kuchitira mnzanu ngati wofanana m'njira iliyonse. Zingakhale zokhudzana ndi zachuma, banja, kapena ntchito, zomwe zili zoyenera kwa tsekwe ziyenera kukhala zoyenera kwa gander komanso. Kupeza ufulu m'maubwenzi kumakhala kovuta kwambiri pomwe m'modzi yekha ndiye amalankhula nthawi zonse.
Mwachitsanzo, ngati mumakonda kucheza ndi anzanu nthawi ndi nthawi, musamakwiye ngati mnzanuyo akufuna kuchita chimodzimodzi ndi anzawo. Chofunika kwambiri, payenera kukhala chidziwitso pazomwe nonse mumabweretsa patebulo. Ufulu m’banja ungakhalepo kokha ngati okwatirana onse ali ofunitsitsa kuchitirana mmene amafunira kuchitiridwa.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Malangizo 9 Omanga Ubale Wogwirizana
2. Kulandiridwa kukhoza kukhazikitsa ufulu wamalingaliro mu maubwenzi
Mariya akuti ubale wake wina sunayende bwino chifukwa anali pachibwenzi ndi munthu wodzipatula ndipo chibwenzi chake panthawiyo sichinathe kumuthandiza kukhala ndi umunthu wokonda kucheza ndi anthu. "Ndimakonda kupita kunja, kuyenda, komanso kucheza ndi anthu. Lingaliro lake lokhala ndi nthawi yosangalala linali kukhala kunyumba ndikuonera TV."
"Patapita nthawi, tidayamba kukangana ndipo ndipamene zidandikhudza: sanafune kundivomereza momwe ndiliri." Mwanjira ina, ufulu kapena kumva kumasulidwa mu ubale kumatanthauza kumvetsetsa ndi kuvomereza umunthu wa mnzanuyo, makamaka ngati mikhalidweyo imatanthawuza phata la munthuyo.
Ngati mnzanuyo ali ndi vuto nthawi zonse ndi momwe mumachitira zinthu zina, ndipo amatsutsa zomwe mukuchita, zidzakulepheretsani kutsatira chibadwa chanu. Zotsatira zake, mudzakhala ndi kutayika kwakukulu kwa ufulu muubwenzi, zomwe zitha kungopangitsa kuti mabelu azilira.
3. Kulankhula momasuka
“Sindingaganize zokhala ndi ufulu muubwenzi womwe sindingathe kuulula maganizo anga,” akutero Harshita Dakoju , woyang'anira ntchito. “Ndili ndi malingaliro okwanira kuti ndiyembekezere kuti padzakhala kusiyana kwa malingaliro ngati ndikugawana moyo ndi winawake, koma pakufunikanso kukhala ufulu woti ndimvedwe.”
Ichi ndichifukwa chake alangizi amagogomezera kufunika kothana ndi mavuto olankhulana muubwenzi . Ngati mungathe kupereka maganizo anu popanda kuweruzidwa (ngakhale atakhala osiyana ndi zomwe mnzanuyo amayembekezera), muli ndi ufulu muubwenzi wanu. Chomwe anthu ambiri sadziwa ndichakuti ufulu wamaganizo muubwenzi umatanthauza kukhala wokhoza kudziwonetsera wekha kwa mnzanuyo moona mtima komanso mokwanira.
Taganizirani izi, ngati mutayenera kumangoganiziranso momwe mumachitira pamaso pa anzanu, kodi sizingawononge ufulu wanu muubwenzi?
4. Kukhala ndi malo
Tsopano, "malo" muubwenzi ndi lingaliro lokangana kwa anthu ambiri. Koma ufulu wokhala ndi malo ndi umodzi mwa ufulu wofunika kwambiri muubwenzi. Pali mzere wochepa pakati pa kukhala ndi malo ndi kuthamangitsa mnzanu pa zomwe mukufuna, koma imeneyo ndi nkhani ina.
Kwenikweni, zikutanthauza kuti muli ndi ufulu wopempha malo kwa mnzanuyo. Nisha anati: “Kuposa malo okhala, malo okhudza maganizo ndi ofunika kwambiri. “Sindikufuna kuti mpata umenewu usokonezedwe ngakhale ndi munthu amene ndimamukonda kwambiri.
Pamapeto pa tsiku, malo ndi ufulu mu maubwenzi zimayendera limodzi. Ngati mungathe kupanga mapulani anu ndi anzanu popanda kuganiza kuti, “Kodi ndimufunse mnzanga ndisanasankhe ndekha?”, muli ndi zomwe zimadziwika kuti ufulu mu maubwenzi. Ndinu nokha, ndipo kukhala pachibwenzi sikutanthauza kuti simungathe kusankha momwe mukufuna kugwiritsa ntchito nthawi yanu.
Inde, pali flipside kwa izi. Pansi pa "danga," simungapeweretu wokondedwa wanu kwa masiku angapo. Pankhani ya danga ndi ufulu mu maubwenzi, kulinganiza koyenera kuyenera kuchitidwa.
5. Kutha kukhala ndi malingaliro kumasonyeza ufulu waumwini mu maubwenzi
Izi zikugwirizana kwambiri ndi mfundo yachitatu. Ubale wofanana ndi pamene onse awiri ali ndi maganizo okhazikika pa nkhani zosiyanasiyana ndi ufulu wozifotokoza. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti muyenera kugwirizana pa chilichonse.
M'malo mwake, kumatanthauza kukhala ndi malo abwino otsutsa. Zambiri zimatengera momwe malingaliro anu amakhudzira ubalewo koma kungoti muli ndi malingaliro okangalika, odziyimira pawokha, omwe samachepetsedwa, akuwonetsa ufulu muubwenzi.
6. Kusamalira zoyembekeza moyenerera
Tiyeni tinene momveka bwino, sipangakhale ubale popanda ziyembekezo. Ndizachibadwa kukhala ndi ziyembekezo zenizeni muubwenzi ndipo ngati sizikwaniritsidwa, ndi zachibadwanso kukhumudwa.
Momwe mumachitira pamene wokondedwa wanu achita zosiyana ndi zomwe mukuyembekezera zimadalira inu, koma muyenera kukhala ndi ufulu wosunga wokondedwa wanu ndi chiyanjano chonse ku mfundo zina. Ndi bwino kutchula izi momveka bwino, kuti wokondedwa wanu asadzakuneneni pambuyo pake kuti simukuzindikira kufunika kwa ufulu pachibwenzi.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zoyembekeza Mu Ubale: Njira Yoyenera Yozisamalira
7. Kupereka ufulu kwa wokondedwa wanu
Z. Sajita , katswiri wazachuma, adathetsa chibwenzi chake atamva kuti ufulu womwe anali kupereka kwa chibwenzi chake cha zaka zisanu ndi ziwiri sunabwezedwe. "Sindinkakayikira zisankho zake kapena zochita zake pomwe nthawi zonse ndimayenera kupereka mayankho a zanga," akukumbukira.
“Patapita nthaŵi yaitali m’pamene ndinazindikira kuti ndinali kusokonezeka maganizo ndipo ndinaganiza zongosiya ngakhale kuti tinalibe vuto lina lililonse,” akuwonjezera motero. Muyenera kupereka ufulu woyembekezera pobwezera. Kuphunzira kupereka ufulu muubwenzi ndi sitepe yoyamba yomanga maziko olimba.
8. Kukhala wekha
Ngakhale kuvomereza kuti ukwati kapena unansi wodzipereka umangobweretsa kusintha kwa moyo wanu ndi mapulani amtsogolo, chomwe sichingakambirane ndi kupatulika kwa umunthu wanu wamkati. Wokondedwa wanu wagwa m'chikondi ndi inu - ndi zabwino ndi zoipa.
Kuvomereza zolakwa zanu n'kofunika monga kuyamika mphamvu zanu. Pamene simungakhale wekha ndipo nthawi zonse mumadzipeza mukuchita zinthu zosemphana ndi momwe mulili monga munthu, zimadzetsa nkhawa ndi mkwiyo. Tsogolo la maubwenzi oterowo ndi losavuta kuganiza - lidzakhala limodzi pomwe wina aliyense wa okondedwawo akumva kutsekeredwa m'malo momasulidwa muubwenzi.
9. Kudziyimira pawokha pazachuma
Ponena za ufulu muubwenzi, nthawi zambiri timauyerekeza ndi zinthu zosaoneka monga malingaliro, malingaliro, zokhumba, ndi zina zotero. Koma ufulu wazachuma ndi wofunika kwambiri kuti munthu akhale ndi mtendere weniweni komanso womasuka muubwenzi.
M’zikhalidwe, akazi kaŵirikaŵiri sakhala ndi chonena pankhani yosamalira ndalama m’banja. Komabe, ndikofunikira kuzindikira kuti ufulu wogwiritsa ntchito ndalama momwe mukufunira komanso kukhala ndi ndalama zanuzanu osadalira bwenzi lanu ndi gawo lofunikira paubwenzi.
10. Ufulu wotuluka
Mwina uwu ndi ufulu wofunika kwambiri. Inu ndi wokondedwa wanu muyenera kukhala ndi chisankho chotuluka ndikuthetsa chibwenzi kapena ukwati ngati sizikuyenda bwino. Inde, sikukhala kophweka ndipo kupatukana kumabwera ndi zovuta zake.
Komabe, palibe chimene chingakhale choipa kuposa kumverera kwa kutsekeredwa muubwenzi wopanda chimwemwe, wopanda tanthauzo. Mgwirizano wa anthu awiri suyenera kukhala mpaka kalekale, ngakhale mutafuna kuti ukhalepo. Moyo uli ndi njira yake yochotsera chiyembekezo chanu koma sizitanthauza kuti muyenera kuvutika chifukwa cha izi.
Maubwenzi, komwe mumamva kuti simungathe kutuluka, nthawi zambiri amakhala ankhanza, chifukwa mukukakamizika kutsutsana ndi kufuna kwanu kuti mukhale nawo. Pakalipano, mwina mwazindikira kufunika kwa ufulu mu ubale ndi momwe umasonyezera thanzi la ubale wanu.
Tsopano popeza mukudziwa momwe ufulu muubwenzi umaonekera, mwina mungaweruze wanu bwino. Mungaphunzire kuti muli ndi zambiri zoti muyamikire, kapena kuti inu ndi mnzanu muyenera kugwira ntchito pa zinthu zingapo. Kaya ndi chiyani, ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa kuti kusakhala ndi ufulu muubwenzi kwenikweni kumatsimikizira ukwati wosasangalatsa . Pachifukwa chimenecho, tiyeni tiwone momwe ufulu muubwenzi wanu sumawonekera.
Izi SIZIkutanthauza Ufulu Mu Maubwenzi
Tsoka ilo, "ufulu" ndi mawu omwe amagwiritsidwa ntchito mosasamala. Kaŵirikaŵiri timapeza njira zopanda pake zothaŵira udindo ndiyeno n’kunena kuti zimachokera ku kufunafuna kwathu ufulu. Aliyense amalota kukhala ndi ubale wokongola, wodekha komanso wathanzi ndi munthu wamaloto ake koma zimatengera kumvetsetsa komanso chikhulupiriro kuti zitheke.
Kukhalapo kwa "ufulu" muukwati wanu sikukupatsani ufulu wochita zomwe mukufuna. Ngati zochita zanu zapweteka mnzanu, kuziteteza mwa kungonena kuti muli ndi ufulu wosankha nokha ndi dyera lalikulu. Monga tanenera, ubale uliwonse umabwera ndi ziyembekezo, ndipo kuzinyalanyaza kwathunthu kumatanthauza kusalemekezana.
Pankhani ya ufulu waumwini mu maubwenzi, kulinganiza koyenera kuyenera kukhazikitsidwa pakati pa kulimbikitsa zikhalidwe za mgwirizano wanu komanso kumva kuti ndinu omasuka. Kulinganiza kosavuta kumeneko kumatheka kokha ndi kukambirana mozungulira mutuwo. Pakalipano, apa pali mndandanda wa zinthu zomwe nthawi zambiri zimasokonezedwa ndi ufulu, malo, kuvomereza, ndi zina zotero (inde, zonse zomwe tinanena zinali zofunikira kuti mukhale ndi ubale wabwino) koma mogwira mtima zimatanthauza zosiyana ndi ufulu:
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Ubale Wathanzi vs. Wosagwira Ntchito - Makhalidwe 10
1. Kudalira kwambiri maganizo
Pali mzere wochepa kwambiri pakati pa kudalira munthu wina ndi kumupatsa mphamvu zosankha. Nisha anati: “Pa umodzi mwa maubwenzi anga, sindinkadziwa n’komwe kuti mnzanga ankandilamulira. "Zinandikhudza kwambiri nditachoka. Pa nthawi yomwe ndinali naye, ndinkangokhalira kukhumudwa."
Ndibwino kukhala paubwenzi ndi munthu amene ali pafupi nanu koma sizikutanthauza kuti mumadalira iye pa chisankho chilichonse kapena chisankho chilichonse. Chizolowezi chomamatira kwa mnzanu chimakutengerani ufulu wanu wodzisankhira. Mnzanuyo, kumbali ina, angamve kuti ali ndi mavuto amaganizo, zomwe sizili chizindikiro chabwino. Palibe aliyense wa inu amene adzakhale ndi ufulu muubwenziwo ngati munthu mmodzi amadalira kwambiri maganizo ake. Zikatero, ubale wanu ukhoza kuoneka ngati ubale wodalirana , komwe nthawi zambiri sizimamveka ngati nonse ndinu ofanana muubwenzi.
2. Kubera pachibwenzi
Mukadzipereka kwa wina, pali zina zomwe sizingakambirane, chimodzi mwazo ndi kukhulupirika. Pokhapokha ngati mwamuna ndi mkazi ali paubwenzi womasuka - chomwe ndi chisankho chomwe onse awiri amasankha kuti asamagonana okha - kukhulupirika pakugonana kumayembekezeredwa.
Kukhala omasuka muubwenzi wanu sikukupatsani chilolezo choyesera ndi anthu ena kapena kuvulaza mnzanu amene angakhale ndi ziyembekezo zosiyana. Ubale umabwera ndi malire ndi mizere, ndipo ufulu sutanthauza kuti mutha kuwoloka mosasamala. Kusakhulupirika ndi mzere umodzi wotere womwe suyenera kuphwanyidwa.
Ngakhale kufunika kwa ufulu muubwenzi sikunganyalanyazidwe, sikukupatsani ufulu wokhumudwitsa wokondedwa wanu. Kukhazikitsa malire omveka bwino ndikudziwitsana zomwe zikuyembekezeka kungathandize kuti zinthu zotere sizichitika.
3. Kukhala wopanda ulemu
Kulankhula momasuka ndi chizindikiro cha ufulu muubwenzi koma sizitanthauza kuti munthu ali ndi ufulu wolankhula monyoza kapena motsutsa. Apanso, ichi ndichifukwa chake kulankhulana bwino n'kofunika. Ngati mnzanu akukuuzani kuti sadzamvera mawu anu osalemekeza, sizikutanthauza kuti mulibe ufulu muubwenzi, zikutanthauza kuti akuyesetsa kukhala pamalo olemekezana.
Kuphunzira kusagwirizana ndi ulemu, kusagwirizana ndi lingaliro la udindo, ndi kufotokoza maganizo ako popanda kuchita mwano ndizo zizindikiro za umunthu wathanzi. Ndipo munthu wathanzi amakhala ndi maubwenzi abwino.
4. Kumutenga wokondedwa wako mosasamala
Ubale ukhoza kukulitsidwa ngati muusamalira ndikuchita khama kuonetsetsa kuti pali kufanana, ulemu, ndi chikondi. Ufulu mu maubwenzi umatanthauza kuti tili ndi mphamvu zochitira zisankho. Koma mphamvu imeneyo siyenera kugwiritsidwa ntchito molakwa.
Monga akuluakulu odalirika, muyeneranso kuganizira zotsatira za kuchitapo kanthu pa zosankha zanu zonse. Musamaone mnzanu ngati wopepuka kapena kulephera kuganizira zosowa zake pamene mukupanga zisankho zanu. Umenewo si ufulu, umenewo ungaganizidwe ngati kudzikonda.
Kukhala m'chikondi ndi kukondedwa pobwezera ndi loto kwa anthu ambiri. Koma ubale wodzipereka umakhudza kwambiri udindo monganso ufulu. Aliyense amafuna ufulu ndipo tanthauzo la kukhala womasuka muubwenzi limasiyana munthu ndi munthu. Koma momwe mumalankhulirana zaufulu womwe mumapeza, ndikuganiziranso malingaliro ndi malingaliro a munthu amene mumagawana naye moyo wanu, ndizomwe zimapangitsa kusiyana pakati pa ubale wopambana ndi wosapambana.
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
