Ukwati Ndi Kugwirizana Kugonana

Kusintha kwa anthu kumatanthauza kuti okwatirana salinso okonzeka kulolera ngakhale mbali imodzi yaukwati wawo mosasamala kanthu kuti amagwirizana m’mbali zina. Mbali imodzi yotereyi ndi yogwirizana pakugonana. Pali kufunikira kokulirapo kwa okondedwa kuti azigwirizana mu gawo ili laubwenzi chifukwa kugonana sikumawonedwanso ngati kungobereka, komanso kukwaniritsa zofuna ndi zilakolako za wina ndi mzake.

Ubwenzi wapamtima wopanda ubwenzi wapamtima (kapena mosemphanitsa) nthawi zambiri umabweretsa ubale womwe umalephera kukwaniritsa kuthekera kwake. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, kuyenererana kwa kugonana kwakula kwambiri kuposa kale lonse pamene okwatirana amakwatirana popanda kusamala ngakhale pang’ono.

Tiyeni tione mozama chifukwa chake kugwilizana kwa kugonana kuli kofunika kwambiri m’mabanja komanso zimene zimachitika pamene maanja azindikira kuti patatha zaka 20 ali m’banja kuti ubwenzi wawo uli ndi vuto losamvana.

Kodi Kugwirizana pa Kugonana M'banja N'kofunika Bwanji?

Tisanalankhule za kufunika kwa kugonana, tiyeni tikambirane za "kugonana koyenera" komwe kumatanthauza chiyani. Ngakhale kuti okwatirana onse angakhale ndi mayankho osiyanasiyana pa funsoli chifukwa cha mphamvu zawo zapadera, kukwaniritsa izi ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri muubwenzi.

Kugonana ndi pamene anthu awiri ali mu mgwirizano pa zofuna zawo zogonana, kutembenuka kwawo ndi kutembenuka kwawo, ndi zomwe akuyembekezera kuchokera kwa wina ndi mzake pogona. Kugonana pafupipafupi kumavomerezedwa, ndipo pali chikhumbo chogawana nthawi yokumana pamodzi, m'malo moti m'modzi afune zomwe mnzake sakufuna.

Kusagwirizana kwa kugonana m’banja kudzachititsa kuti m’kupita kwa nthaŵi muyambe kukhala ndi malingaliro oipa, monga mkwiyo. Kusalingana kwa zofuna/zosowa mu gawo la kugonana kumakhala njovu mchipindamo zomwe zikakambidwa, zimadzetsa mkangano pafupifupi nthawi zonse. Ndiye, kodi kugonana m'banja n'kofunika bwanji ndipo kudzapindula chiyani? Nazi mfundo zingapo.

1. Kugonana m'banja kumabweretsa mgwirizano wogwirizana

Ubale wabwino umanenedwa kuti ndi ubale womwe onse awiri amakhala bwino. Ukwati wosagwirizana ungawoneke bwino poyamba, koma pakapita nthawi, ming'alu ingayambe kuoneka yomwe ingayambitse kukayikira maziko ake.

Pamodzi ndi ubwenzi wapamtima, ngati inu awiri mulinso ndi kuchuluka kwa kugonana koyenera, kudzakhala kosavuta kukhazikitsa ubale wokwanira wopanda mikangano, nkhawa, mkwiyo ndi mkwiyo.

2. Zidzakulitsa ubwenzi wapamtima

Mosadabwitsa, ukwati wosagonana sudzakhala ndi chikondi champhamvu . Pamene okwatirana akutsutsana pa zosowa za kugonana ndipo chipinda chogona sichili malo abwino okhalamo, nthawi zambiri zimatha kulowa m'malo ena a ubale wanu.

Ngati zikuwoneka kuti mwasiya kukambirana ndikungokangana tsopano, yesani kuyesa ngati mukugonana kuti muwone momwe mumakhalira. Kodi kugonana ndikwabwino monga momwe mukuganizira?

3. Kugwirizana pakugonana kudzachepetsa mipata yolumikizana

Munthu amene ali pachibwenzi akatha kufotokoza zakukhosi kwake ndi bwenzi lake, amatha kufotokozanso bwino nthawi zina. Kugawana nthawi yapamtima ndi wokondedwa wanu kumatha kukulitsa chidaliro ndikukupangitsani kukhala otetezeka paubwenzi wanu, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti muzilankhulana bwino.

Kusamvana m'banja kungayambitse mavuto a kulankhulana, zomwe pamapeto pake zimakugwetsani pansi pa mikangano, kusagwirizana, kusamvana ndi ziyembekezo zosayembekezereka.

4. Kugwirizana pakugonana kumachepetsa ziyembekezo zosayembekezereka

Ponena za ziyembekezo zosatheka muubwenzi , kusagwirizana pa kugonana kungakhale chifukwa chake nthawi zina. Monga momwe mudzaonera mtsogolo munkhaniyi, pakakhala kusagwirizana pa kugonana, mnzawo m'modzi angayembekezere china chake chomwe chimawoneka ngati chachilendo kwa mnzake.

Pamapeto pake, izi zipangitsa mikangano yayikulu kuti ikupangitseni awiri kuganiziranso ubale wanu. Kuwongolera zoyembekeza ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zazikulu zaubwenzi, popanda zomwe zimakumana ndi mavuto.

Kuwerenga kofanana: Kusowa Chikondi ndi Ubwenzi Wapamtima Mu Ubwenzi — Njira 9 Zomwe Zimakukhudzirani

Mwachiwonekere, yankho loti "kugonana kuli kofunika bwanji mu maubwenzi" ndilofunika kwambiri ". Ena angatsutse kuti ndizofunikira kuti pakhale ubale wathunthu womwe umasiya malo okhumudwitsa. Ngati mukuyang'ana mayeso okhudzana ndi kugonana kwa maanja, yankho limangokhala momwe mumasangalalira ndi moyo wanu wogonana ndi wokondedwa wanu.

Tsopano popeza tafotokoza “kodi kuyenerana kwa kugonana” ndi chiyani ndipo tamvetsetsa kufunika kwake, tiyeni tilowe mu zitsanzo zenizeni zomwe ndaziwonapo zokhuzana ndi kugonana komanso momwe kusintha kwa nthawi kwakhudzira kufunikira kwake.

Kodi Kugonana Kumakhudza Maukwati Masiku Ano?

Ndaona maanja pa uphungu wa mabanja omwe akondwerera chikumbutso chawo cha ^zaka 45 - ndi ana ndi zidzukulu zokwatira - akunena kuti, "Kugwirizana kwa kugonana sikunalipo muubwenzi wathu. Takhala limodzi zaka zonsezi, koma sitinakhutitsidwe ndi kugonana."

Kwa achinyamata, nkhani zosagwirizana pankhani yogonana n’zokwera kwambiri. Chiyembekezo cha kugonana kwa achinyamata chakhala chokonda kwambiri, chofufuza kwambiri. Chimaonedwa ngati ufulu wosangalala, chomwe ndi chinthu chatsopano, chifukwa zaka 20 zapitazo akazi sanachione ngati ufulu. Popeza zopinga zolumikizirana zachotsedwa, zanenedwa momveka bwino.

Pakati pa okwatirana omwe ali ndi zaka za m'ma 20, okwatirana ndi mwana yemwe akupita kusukulu ya pulayimale, pali mbali yaukali kwambiri kwa akazi ambiri - amaona kuti ali ndi ufulu ku zilakolako zawo zakugonana ndipo ayenera kukwaniritsidwa. Ndipo palibe cholakwika ndi izi.

Azimayi omwe ali ndi zaka za m'ma 30 ndipo ali ndi mwana yemwe ali pafupi ndi 10 pang'onopang'ono akuyamba kuzolowera kuti kugonana ndi gawo la moyo ndipo kuli bwino, koma akuyang'ana kwambiri kusiyana pakati pa amuna ndi akazi - ufulu wawo, kudziwika kwawo, ntchito zawo. "Ana ndi akulu ndipo ine ndili ndi luso, choncho ndiyenera kugwira ntchito ina - mwina yaganyu, koma ndikufuna kugwira ntchito." Kwa iwo nkhani ndi yodziwika kuti ndi amuna kapena akazi, zomwe kwa iwo ndi kudziwika kwa kugonana.

– Salony Priya , uphungu wa zamaganizo.

Chidziwitso chokhudzana ndi kugonana kwasintha maganizo

Kwa amayi omwe ali kumapeto kwa zaka za m'ma 40, pali mpweya waukulu, poganizira kuti chilakolako chawo chogonana sichinakwaniritsidwe. M’zochitika zina zotsatiridwa mosamalitsa chimene ndapeza nchakuti amalingalira kuti anangolandira chirichonse chimene analandira pamene anakwatira ali ndi zaka 19 kapena 20. “Sindinkadziŵa zambiri, palibe amene amalankhulapo za zinthu zimenezi.”

Tsopano popeza kuti kugwirizana kwa kugonana kukukambidwa kwambiri popanda kumva ngati chinthu choletsedwa, zinthu zayamba kusintha. Azimayi omwewo omwe amamva ngati kuti chilakolako chawo chogonana sichinakwaniritsidwe tsopano akulankhula za mavutowa momasuka.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: N’chifukwa Chiyani Anyamata Amadzipatula Akamaliza Kukondana?

Amadziwa zambiri chifukwa cha chidziwitso chochuluka pakati pa anthu tsopano, kuyambira m'mafilimu mpaka pawailesi yakanema. M'mbuyomu amayi awo anali ngati, "Ana ako akukula ndiye tsopano zonsezi zapita." Kugonana kunkawoneka ngati mbali ya kubereka. Kupitilira apo, sizinali zofunikira. Akazi tsopano akuzindikira kuti kubereka kunali mbali chabe ya izo; pali zambiri kupitirira izo. Muubwenzi, kuchuluka kwa chidwi chothandizira kukhudzidwa kwanu ndi kugonana kumafunidwa.

Kugwirizana pakugonana ndi millennial/gen X amuna

Amuna ambiri m’banja kwa zaka 18-20 anazindikira kuti chifukwa chofuna kusangalala, iwo anachita m’njira yawo. Ndikudziwa anthu omwe ali omasuka kulankhula za izi ndipo abwerera kuvomereza kuti adalakwitsa.

Kusaganizira za kugonana ndi pamene m'modzi mwa okwatirana sakuganizira zosowa za wina ndipo nthawi zambiri, ndi zosowa za mkazi zomwe zimanyalanyazidwa - amaona kuti mwamunayo sakusamala za momwe akumvera: "Zinthu ziyenera kuchitika nthawi zonse monga momwe iye akumvera ndipo ndaona njira yake yokwanira ndipo ndatopa nazo." Pazochitika zotere, maukwati a awiriwa mwina sanasweke pamaso pa anthu, koma mkati mwawo mwawo mwasweka - akhala akusudzulana kwa zaka zingapo. Amasunga mgwirizano wa anthu chifukwa ana awo sanakwatirane kapena ana awo ali pabanja ndipo sakufuna kuwabweretsera mavuto. Awa ndi anthu omwe amafuna thandizo la uphungu wambiri.

Ndinali ndi vuto limodzi la mwamuna wazaka za m'ma 40 ndipo anali ndi chilakolako chogonana. Anakwatira ali ndi zaka 19 zokha ndipo mkazi wake anali asanakwanitse zaka 16. Iye ndi mwamuna wokonda kuvala, wodziwika bwino m’magulu a anthu, amakonda kuchita zambiri zothandiza anthu, ndipo amaona kuti mkazi wake ayenera kukhala naye m’madera onsewa. Iye sali.

Mkaziyo sakukhutira ndi mwamunayo. Amamupeza kuti sakukhudzidwa: “Sindikusamala kwa iye, zomwe akufuna ndi zodzionetsera.” Ndipo mwamunayo anati, “Ponena za kugonana, mkazi wanga ndi galu wakufa. Amandikayikira kuti ndili ndi maubwenzi ena chifukwa mwina akumva kuti ndili ndi mlandu kuti sakukwaniritsa zosowa zanga. Ndimamuuza nthawi zonse kuti izi ndi zosowa zanga ndipo ndife mwamuna ndi mkazi. Sayankha.”

Mukakambirana ndi mkazi wake, iye amati: “Sindingathenso kupirira, chifukwa ndimangokhalira kungokhala chifukwa chakuti mwana wanga wakula.

Tinayesa kukhala ndi magawo a chithandizo ndi onse awiri, koma mwamunayo sanapitirize ndi magawo; anachoka chifukwa ankaona kuti vuto ndi mkazi wake. Saliwona ngati vuto la kusagwirizana ndi kusamvera kwake.

Kodi maukwati akupita kuti zaka 20 zikubwerazi?

Komabe, masiku ano anthu amaona ukwati ngati chinthu chokakamiza. Ndikuganiza kuti ukwati monga bungwe uli pachiwopsezo ngati sitichita chilichonse kuti tiwonjezere chidwi cha amuna ndi akazi, kapena ngati sitivomereza kusintha kwa maudindo a amuna ndi akazi - kuti bambo sayenera kupita ku ofesi ndipo mayi sayenera kuphika.

Tili ndi ulendo wautali woti tipite mderali. Mabanja ambiri omwe ali ndi chidwi chotere ndipo amamvetsetsa izi, amakhala ndi maubwenzi abwino komanso akulera ana abwino. Pali chosowa chachikulu kuti ife tiyimirire, kuyankhula ndi kuwonetsera zabwino.

Salony Priya ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo wopereka uphungu ndipo ali ndi zaka 18 zogwira ntchito yophunzitsa ndi kupereka uphungu m'mabungwe ophunzitsa, mabungwe olimbikitsa anthu , mabungwe omwe si a boma ndi makampani. Iye ndi Mtsogoleri wa UMMEED, bungwe la zamaganizo la anthu ambiri.

Ibibazo

Zolakwa Zaukhondo Zomwe Mungakhale Mukuchita Musanayambe, Panthawi Kapena Pambuyo pa Ubwenzi

Magawo Asanu A Ubwenzi - Dziwani Kumene Muli!

Njira 8 Ubale Wakuthupi Usanalowe M'banja Umakhudza Ubale Wanu

Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

Onani Ndondomeko Yathu Yolembera

Kumanani ndi Bungwe Lathu Lowunika

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