Kodi munayamba mwakhalapo ndi usiku womwewo pomwe samatha kusiya kujomba ndipo mumadzuka m'mawa wokonzekera kukalipira aliyense wodutsa njira yanu? Kapena mwina, sangasiye kuyendayenda pamene akugona, ndipo mumasiyidwa tsiku lonse. Mwina mmodzi wa inu amadzuka modabwitsa 5:30 am ndipo wina amakonda kugona? Tikukubweretserani yankho lomwe mudaliganizirapo kale, makamaka m'malingaliro anu: chisudzulo chakugona.
Ayi, chisudzulo cha tulo sikuti mukulota za chisudzulo. Zimangotanthauza kugona pabedi losiyana ndi mnzanu kapena m'chipinda china ngati pakufunika. Izi zikumveka ngati lingaliro labwino, sichoncho? Simudzafunikanso makapu anayi a khofi kuti muthe tsiku lonse. Nenani zabwino kwa mabwalo anu amdima. Koma dikirani, kodi banja lanu lidzasokonekera?
Kugawana bedi kumawonedwa ngati chimodzi mwazinthu zapamtima zomwe okwatirana angachite. Kumbali ina, okwatirana ogona m’zipinda zosiyanasiyana kaŵirikaŵiri amayambitsa miseche yamitundumitundu. Tonse tazolowera lingaliro lakuti kugawana bedi ndi chizindikiro cha ubale wabwino ndi wogwira ntchito; nanga bwanji zikayamba kuchititsa kuti munthu asagone bwino kapena osagona konse?
Kuti tiyankhe mafunso anu onse, tatembenukira kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo Ridhi Golechha (Masters in Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wa uphungu wa thanzi la thupi, maganizo, ndi malingaliro. Tikulongosola zonse zokhudzana ndi njira yatsopanoyi kuti mupange chisankho chanu popanda kugona usiku wambiri.
Kodi Chisudzulo Chogona N'chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Monga tanenera, kutha kwa tulo kumatanthauza kugona m'mabedi awiri osiyana kaya m'chipinda chimodzi kapena mosiyana, kutengera momwe zinthu zilili. Tsopano, ngati wina angakuuzeni kuti, "Ine ndi mwamuna wanga timagona m'zipinda zosiyana chifukwa cha vuto langa la kupuma movutikira," mungafunse nthawi yomweyo kulimba kwa ukwati wawo, sichoncho? Mwina simuyenera. Zizindikiro za ukwati woipa ndizosiyana kwambiri.
Taganizirani, ndani anakuuzani kuti inu mwamtheradi kugona limodzi ndi wokondedwa wanu usiku uliwonse? Makamaka ngati zikukhudza kugona kwanu. Malingaliro ngati, "Umo ndi momwe zakhalira nthawi zonse!" ndiponso “Iwo akugona padera amalekana” angakhale akukuthamangira m’maganizo mwanu pakali pano. Koma kodi mumadziwa kuti David ndi Victoria Beckham ankachitanso kugona payekha? Ndipo zikuwoneka kuti zikuyenda bwino kwambiri.
Kafukufuku wochitidwa ndi kampani yogona anapeza kuti m'modzi mwa maanja 12 aku America omwe akutenga nawo mbali wayesa kale kuthetsa kugona. Mtundu uwu wa kugona wathandiza anthu ambiri. Ngati simukumva phokoso lalikulu kapena maloto a mnzanu wolankhula za kugona, ndani sangafune ukwati wogona wekha? Mukundiwuza kuti simukufuna kudziwa zambiri?
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Kodi Chisudzulo Chakugona N'chofala Motani?
Sikuti a Beckham amangotsimikizira kuti ndizochita bwino kwa mabanja okhalira limodzi, koma Mfumukazi Elizabeth waku Britain ndi Prince Philip sanagone pabedi limodzi. Ndipo ukwati wawo unatha zaka 74. Ndiponso, nkhope yotchuka ya pawailesi yakanema Carson Daly posachedwapa analankhula m’mafunso olekanitsa mabedi ndi mkazi wake, “Zowona, tonsefe tinkagona motalikirana bwino.” Ngati nkhani zachifumu ndi anthu otchuka sizikulimbikitsani kukudalirani, mwina sayansi ndi ziwerengero zidzatero.
Tiyeni tikupatseni umboni weniweni. Malinga ndi kafukufuku wina , 75% ya aku America adavomereza kuti kugona limodzi ndi okondedwa awo kumakhudza ubwino wa tulo tawo ndipo 25% adanenanso kuti vutoli lakula kwambiri kuyambira mliriwu. Mu kafukufuku wina wofanana ndi umenewu ku America, 19% ya anthu 2,000 omwe adafunsidwa adadzudzula okondedwa awo omwe amakhala nawo chifukwa cha vuto la kugona. Ndipo mu kafukufuku wa aku America 3,000, 30% ya omwe adafunsidwa adavomereza kuti akufuna kusudzulana tulo tawo.
Chifukwa chake, ngati mukumva kuti ndinu wolakwa chifukwa chofuna kugona mobisa ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, musatero. Zikuwonetsa kuti mumasamala za ubalewu ndipo ndinu wokonzeka kusintha kuti mupitirize. Tikudziwa, ndi chisankho chachikulu. Mwinamwake mukuda nkhawa kuti mukumva kuti simukugwirizana chifukwa cha kusowa kwa kukhudza thupi. Kuphatikiza apo, mwina pali zokambirana zovuta zomwe muyenera kukhala nazo ndi mnzanu.
Koma, kafukufuku akunena kuti kugona padera kungathandize kuti tulo tizikhala bwino chifukwa cha kusokonezeka kochepa. Sizikutanthauza kuti ubale wanu wagwa ndipo maanja ayenera kukhala omasuka kukambirana bwino pankhaniyi. Ngati izi zachitika mosamala, zingakhale dalitso pa ukwati wanu.
Kodi Mungapemphe Bwanji Chisudzulo Chogona?
Musanaganize zoyamba kukambirana za kusudzulana kwa anthu ogona, ndikofunika kumvetsetsa momwe mungapemphere mnzanu. Ndipotu, simukufuna kuti mnzanuyo akhale maso usiku wonse, akudabwa za thanzi la ubale wanu. “Sindikugona mokwanira, tiyeni tiyese kugona m'mabulangeti osiyana (kapena pabedi)” kungatanthauzidwe molakwika ngati “Sindikonda kugona nanu, ndikufuna kugona ndekha” chifukwa cha kusalankhulana bwino. Chifukwa chake, kusankha mawu anu mosamala ndikofunikira. M'malo mwake, mutha kunena kuti,
"Wokondedwa, tonse tikudziwa kuti kugona kosokoneza kumeneku kukusokoneza zochita zathu za tsiku ndi tsiku. Timakhumudwa, timakhala otopa nthawi zonse. Ndili ndi lingaliro lomwe lingathe kuthetsa vutoli. Koma ndisananene kalikonse, muyenera kudziwa kuti sizikutanthauza kuti ndimakukondani mocheperapo kapena sindikupezanso wokongola. Kodi mudzakhala okonzeka kugona m'mabedi awiri osiyana kuyambira pano?"
Polankhula za momwe mungapempherere mnzanu kuti akusudzulani tulo, Ridhi akugawana mfundo zingapo zofunika kuziganizira, "Mukatsala pang'ono kukambirana izi, onetsetsani kuti ubale wanu uli wokhazikika komanso wogwirizana. Ngati mnzanu aliyense ali ndi nkhawa, kupempha kuti mulekanitse tulo kungayambitse kusadzidalira kwambiri."
"Ngati aliyense wa inu ali ndi kalembedwe kodzidalira , muyenera kuyang'ana nkhaniyi mosamala. Muyenera kuonetsetsa kuti mnzanuyo sakuona izi ngati chizindikiro cha kukanidwa ndipo akuyamba kumva ngati wosafunika. Kugona nokha kuyenera kusankhidwa pamene nonse mukumva kuti muli otetezeka komanso okondedwa muubwenzi wanu ndipo mutha kuvomereza mosangalala kuti wina ndi mnzake akufuna malo achinsinsi."
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Momwe mungapangire kuti chisudzulo cha tulo chigwire ntchito popanda kuvulaza wokondedwa wanu
M’pake kuti kufunsa mnzanuyo kuti athetse vuto la kugona n’kovuta kwambiri. Ngakhale kuti chisudzulo cha tulo chikuchulukirachulukira, kusalidwa komwe kumachitika chifukwa chogona motalikirana kumakhalabe kokwanira kuti anthu omwe mumawadziwa aziwoneka moweruza. Ngakhale zili choncho, ngati zikuwoneka ngati zoyenera kuchita, palibe chifukwa choti musapitirire nazo.
Koma musanachite izi, khalani okonzeka kukonzekera bwino kuti muwonetsetse kuti zinthu sizikuyenda bwino ngati mnzanuyo sakuvomerezani. Pakadali pano, ndi udindo wanu kufotokoza kuti simukuchotsa chikondi cha moyo wanu. Kudzimana chikondi chakuthupi si cholinga cha dongosololi. Umu ndi momwe mungakhazikitsire mgwirizano pakati pa thanzi lanu logonana ndi malo anu achinsinsi :
- Osamuwukira mnzako ndi mawu chifukwa chakusokoneza kugona kwanu
- Gwiritsani ntchito mawu akuti 'ife' m'malo mwa 'inu'
- Atsimikizireni kuti sizikukhudzana ndi kugwirizana kwanu kwamalingaliro kapena thupi
- Yambitsani vuto la kugona kwa mnzanuyo ndikuyang'ana mankhwala monga kupopera m'mphuno kapena mankhwala ena ogona
- Ngati kukokoloka sikuli vuto, mungaganizire mabedi awiri amodzi m'chipinda chimodzi
- Patulani nthawi usiku uliwonse yoti mugone ndi okondedwa wanu kukumbatirana, kumva kukhudzana kwa wina ndi mnzake, kugonana komanso kukambirana zapamtima.
- Funsani mnzanuyo kuti atchule zomwe akufuna m'malo mokakamiza zofuna zanu
Njira 9 Zothetsera Chisudzulo M'tulo Zingathandize Banja Lanu
Sitikunena kuti muyenera kusiya kugona limodzi ndi wokondedwa wanu usiku uliwonse. Mutha kudumphira pabedi ndi mnzanu nthawi iliyonse yomwe mukufuna. Khalani usiku wonse, kunja kwa bulangeti kumazizira (ndipo tonse tikudziwa kufunika kogonana muubwenzi). Koma ngati kukopera kapena kukankha kukayamba, dziwani kuti nthawi zonse mumakhala ndi bedi lanu loti mupiteko. Ndipo ichi ndi chifukwa chake muyenera kupeza bedi lanu:
1. Umasowa mnzako
Kuyambira mliriwu, kugwira ntchito kunyumba kwakhala njira ya moyo zomwe zikutanthauza kuti mumakhala nthawi yambiri ndi mnzanu. Ndipo tikutsimikiza kuti banja lililonse lingavomereze kuti kukhala limodzi nthawi zonse kungakuthandizeni kwambiri. Mukufuna malo muubwenzi kuti mupulumuke ndikukula, ndipo kukhala limodzi kwa maola 24 sikungakuthandizeni.
Ridhi akuti: "Kusowa kumapangitsa mtima kukhala wokonda. Mawuwa amakhala ndi choonadi chochuluka kuposa momwe timafunira kuvomereza. Muyenera kuti mwawona kuti pamene inu kapena mnzanuyo muli paulendo, mumayamba kuwasowa kwambiri. Ubongo wanu woganiza umayamba kuganiza za kuyamikira ndi zinthu zonse zabwino mu mphamvu zanu, m'malo momangoganizira zolephera.
"Kuyang'ana kochokera ku zoipa za mgwirizano wanu kumasintha kupita ku zabwino, mtunda umatha kupanga chiyanjano chabwino. Mukatembenukira ku mabedi olekanitsa musanagone, mumakhala ndi mwayi wosowa wokondedwa wanu, zomwe zingayambitse kuyamikira kwakukulu kwa wina ndi mzake ndi ubale wanu."
Kupatula usiku sikungopangitsa kugona kwamtendere komanso kukupatsani nthawi yolakalaka kuti mnzanuyo akhale nanu. Mukadutsa usiku wonse osakwera pabedi lawo, mudzatha kusangalala ndi kapu ya khofi kapena tiyi ndi mnzanu m'mawa wotsatira, popanda kukwiyira chifukwa cha tulo tataya. Tikubetcha pofika pano mwayamba kukhulupirira pang'ono mchitidwe wonse wosudzulana m'tulo, sichoncho?
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2. Mudzagona mokwanira kuti mukhale ndi moyo tsikulo
Chifukwa chachikulu chomwe muyenera kutaya paradigm ya 'iwo omwe amagona padera' mu zinyalala ndikuti mudzatha kugona mokwanira. Simudzayika mchere mu khofi ndi shuga m'mazira anu. Mutha kudzuka mwatsitsimulidwa m'malo mokhala ndi maso olemetsa komanso okhumudwa.
Ndipo simudzayang'ana mbali ina ya bedi ndi kunyansidwa, mukukonzekera kupha munthu m'mutu mwanu. M'malo mwake, mungapite kukakumbatira mnzanu m'mawa wabwino. Moni, mungamve ngati mukufuna kumubweretsera chakudya cham'mawa pabedi. Kodi nthawi yomaliza munachita zimenezo inali liti ngati njira yosonyezera chikondi ? Aliyense amene anati “simungasangalatse ena pokhapokha mutasangalala” anali wolondola!
3. Kafukufuku wasonyeza kuti zimathandiza banja
Kodi kugona wekha ndi njira yabwino kwa okwatirana kapena okwatirana omwe akukhala limodzi? Zikuoneka kuti deta ikusonyeza zimenezo. Kafukufuku akuti kugona bwino kumawonjezera ubwino wa moyo wabanja. Ndipo palinso maphunziro omwe amasonyeza kuti kusagona mokwanira kungayambitse mikangano yoipa.
Takuuzani kale momwe kusudzulana kwa tulo kukukulirakulira komanso chifukwa chabwino. Sitikunena kuti zonse zikhala bwino, komabe. Muyenera kumasuka ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Mwina muwadabwitse ndi maluwa ambiri, onjezani nthawi zodzikongoletsera, kukumbatirana musanalankhule, ndikudumphira pabedi lanu kuti mugone mwamtendere, kuchotsera kukopera / kudandaula / kukankha. Tikhulupirireni, mudzakonda wokondedwa wanu kwambiri m'mawa.
4. Nthawi yomwe mumakhala limodzi idzakhala yosangalatsa kwambiri
Nthawi zambiri mu maubwenzi, timatha kuthamangitsa nthawi yomwe timakhala limodzi m'malo momangoyang'ana zomwe tikuchita panthawi yamtengo wapataliyi. Ngati mukukhala ndi wina ndi mnzake tsiku lonse, mwayi ukhoza kumangotengerana mopepuka, popeza moyo ukhoza kupangitsa kunyong'onyeka muubwenzi wanu.
Ridhi akutiuza momwe kulekana ndi kugona kungathetsere, tingayerekeze kunena kuti, ubale wosasangalatsa. "Nthawi zambiri timaona nthawi ndi mnzathu kuchokera pa kuchuluka kuposa ubwino. Nthawi zonse zimakhala za "Mukuthera nthawi yochuluka bwanji ndi ine?" osati kwenikweni za "Tikuchita chiyani mu nthawi yochepa iyi yomwe tikukhala limodzi?"
“Mukasintha cholinga chanu, kuchoka pa kukhala ndi nthawi yambiri yochitira zinthu pamodzi n’kuyamba kuthera nthawi yabwino pamodzi, zingathandize kuti ubwenzi wanu ukhale wabwino.” Masiku ano, anthu okwatirana amakhala otanganidwa kwambiri ndipo amakhala ndi moyo wotanganidwa kwambiri.
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5. Palibenso "Ndinu kumbali yanga!"
Pamene munali pachibwenzi, simunadikire kuti mukhale ndi chibwenzi. Ndipo tsopano, zafika pamenepa - mwendo wawo wosasunthika pa 'mbali yanu' ya bedi umakukwiyitsani kwambiri. Nonse muli ndi mapilo ndi mabulangete anu, komabe pafupifupi usiku uliwonse, munthu m'modzi amanyamula malo onse, ndipo winayo amavutika kuti asagwe m'mphepete mwa bedi.
Mukagona pabedi lanu, mavutowa sadzakuvutitsaninso. Ma inchi asanu ndi atatu a bedi sadzakhalanso mbali yanu. Mudzakhala ndi chipinda chonse chomwe mukufuna, nokha. Mayankho a bedi kwa okwatirana samakhala osavuta kuposa awa komanso mavuto ena ambiri ofala paubwenzi monga kukangana kosalekeza ndi kukangana nawonso adzathetsedwa panthawiyi. M'malo modziwa choti muchite ndi manja anu usiku wonse, pamapeto pake mudzatha kuyang'ana kwambiri kugona.
6. Zidzapititsa patsogolo ubale wapamtima ndi kugonana
Ngati mukugawana bedi koma mukuyembekezera usiku wopanda mtendere, chithunzithunzi cha nthawi yogona ndi mnzanu mwina sichingakhale ndi nyimbo zachikondi kumbuyo kapena mukuyang'ana mwachikondi m'maso mwa mnzanuyo. Zitha kukuwonetsani nonse kunena kuti usiku wabwino, kupeza malo abwino, ndikuyesera kugona. Popanda ngakhale kukumbatirana.
Mukagona pabedi limodzi, nthawi zina mungangogonana/kukumbatirana chifukwa cha izi. Mukagona m'mabedi osiyana ndipo mukuyamba kusowa mnzanu, mumayamba kukumbatirana chifukwa mukufunadi. Mudzayamba kugonana mwachidwi komanso mofunitsitsa. Kodi mungaganizire njira ina yabwino yosungira chikondicho patatha zaka khumi muli m'banja kapena kuposerapo?
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8. Khalani m'banja nthawi yayitali pokhala wathanzi
Nzosadabwitsa kuti kugona mokwanira usiku wonse kwa maola osachepera 7 kuli ndi ubwino wambiri pa thanzi. Kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti mukagona bwino usiku, minofu yanu imapeza mwayi wochira. Mumamva bwino ndipo nthawi yanu yonse yogona imakhala bwino. Ngati mumakonda kuda nkhawa kapena kuvutika maganizo kapena kudwala matenda ena amisala, kafukufuku wambiri amanena kuti ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti mupumule bwino usiku.
Munthu wamba amathera zaka 25 za moyo wake ali mtulo, onetsetsani kuti simukungojipotokola koma mukugona kwa zaka 25 zimenezo. Ndi kutha kwa tulo, mudzatha kutero popanda kutulutsa mankhwala ogona usiku uliwonse kapena kupita kwa katswiri wogona.
"Kodi ndikufunika chisudzulo chogona?" Tengani mafunso awa kuti mudziwe
Kupatukana kwa tulo kumatha kukhala nkhani yovuta kwambiri kwa anthu ambiri. Ngakhale akatswiri azachipatala sapereka malangizowo kwa maanja omwe ali ndi vuto la kugona. M’malo mwake amaika mbali zabwino ndi zoipa za kakonzedwe kameneka ndi kuzisiyira okwatiranawo kusankha chimene chingawathandize bwino m’banja lawo. Ngati simukudziwa chomwe chimakupangitsani kuti mufunse mnzanu kuti agone padera, mafunso awa angakuthandizeni kuika patsogolo zosowa zanu:
- Kodi mnzako akamakodola kwambiri amakukwiyitsani kwambiri? Inde / Ayi
- Kodi amakutulutsani pabedi usiku wonse? Inde / Ayi
- Kodi amabwera kudzagona mochedwa kwambiri kukudzutsani? Inde / Ayi
- Kodi ali ndi chizolowezi chopukusa foni yawo kapena kugwira ntchito kuchokera kuchipinda chogona mpaka mochedwa? Inde / Ayi
- Kodi mumada nkhawa musanagone? Inde / Ayi
- Kodi kuchulukirachulukira kumadalira mapiritsi ogona? Inde / Ayi
- Kodi thupi la mnzako likutentha pansi pa mapepala amakuvutitsani? Inde / Ayi
- Kodi nthawi zonse mumafunikira chakumwa musanagone kuti mugone? Inde / Ayi
- Kodi moyo wanu wakugonana ukugunda kwambiri chifukwa chosowa tulo? Inde / Ayi
- Kodi inu ndi mnzanu mukulimbana kwambiri tsiku lonse? Inde / Ayi
Ngati yankho lanu ku mafunso opitilira 6 mwa mafunsowa ndi inde, muyenera kuganizira mozama zosinthira kukhala pabedi lapadera. Kumbukirani kuti inunso mungakhale ndi mavuto. Samalani ngati mnzanuyo akukumana ndi mavuto omwewo akugona pambali panu.
Zolozera Mfungulo
- Chisudzulo m'tulo si kupatukana kwenikweni kwa anthu awiri; zimangotanthauza kuti mumagona mabedi osiyanasiyana
- Matenda angapo ogona kapena kusagona kosiyanasiyana komanso zizolowezi zogona nthawi yogona zingayambitse izi
- Lingaliro ndiloti muzigona bwino kuti mukhale oganiza bwino komanso kuti banja lanu lisawonongeke
- Kuonetsetsa kuti kupatukana kwa tulo sikuyambitsa mikangano yayikulu pakati pa zibwenzi ziwiri, ndikofunikira kukambirana nkhaniyi mosamala; sankhani mawu anu mosamala pokambirana za kutha kwa tulo
- Muyenera kupatula nthawi yoti muyambe kukambirana zachikondi komanso pogona musanagone
Kumapeto kwa tsikulo, ngati mukuvutika ndi kugona mokwanira ndikumva chisoni tsiku lotsatira chifukwa chokakamizika kugona pabedi lomwelo ndi mnzanu, kugona payekha kudzakupulumutsani. Poganizira momwe kusudzulana kwa tulo kukukulirakulira, tili otsimikiza kuti kusalana komwe kumakhudzana ndi kugona motalikirana kuthanso posachedwa. Mukuyembekezera chiyani? Pitani mukagule mabedi awiri osakwatiwa omwe mumawafuna nthawi zonse koma amanyazi kwambiri kuti musawale. Ingotumizani mnzanuyo nkhaniyi, ndipo amvetsetsa.
Nkhaniyi idasinthidwa mu Oct, 2022.
Ibibazo
Inde, ndi bwino kuti okwatirana azigona padera. Poganizira kuti nonse mukuzindikira kuti izi sizimachitidwa ngati chizindikiro cha mkwiyo ndipo zikuchitidwa kuti mugone bwino. Ngati mmodzi wa maphwando omwe akukhudzidwa sakukondwera ndi kugona padera, ziyenera kupewedwa. Koma ngati onse aŵiri ali ofunitsitsa, kulekana tulo kungakhale ndi mapindu ochuluka. Mudzagona bwino, mukumva bwino mwakuthupi ndi m'maganizo, mupeza mwayi wosowa wokondedwa wanu ndipo moyo wanu wakugonana ukhozanso kukhala wabwino.
Ngati mukuthamanga kuti mugone kaye, ngati mnzako akugona / kukankha kumakupangitsani kugona usiku wonse, ndipo ngati mumadzudzula wokondedwa wanu chifukwa chosagona, mwina ndi nthawi yoti mugawane mabedi. Zizindikiro zina ndi monga simungagone osayika zomangira m'makutu, kumwa mowa musanagone, kapena kumwa mapiritsi ogona. Kugona mwachibadwa ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yochitira izi, ndipo popeza kugona paokha kukukulirakulira, mutha kuyesa.
Ngati m'modzi sanagulitsidwe kwathunthu pamalingaliro oti agone, akhoza kukhala ndi mkwiyo. Ndikofunikira kuwonetsetsa kuti onse omwe ali nawo ali mgululi. Malingana ngati izo zimasamalidwa ndi kugonana ndi zofuna zapamtima zimalankhulidwa bwino, palibe zoipitsitsa za kutha kwa kugona. Kupatula, ndithudi, kuyeretsa kawiri chiwerengero cha mapepala.
20 Zinthu Zomwe Amayi Amachita Zomwe Zimapha Chikondi Muukwati
Zinthu 8 Zomwe Zimawononga Maubwenzi Ndipo Simukuzizindikira
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
