Kupanda Chikondi Ndi Ubwenzi Wapamtima - Njira 9 Zomwe Zimakukhudzani

Zimatenga zaka zambiri kuti ubale ukhale wolimba, koma osati nthawi yayitali kuti uwononge. Umu ndi chikhalidwe cha ubale wachikondi - nthawi zonse madzimadzi komanso nthawi zambiri osatsimikizika! Ndipo pamene pali kusoŵa chikondi ndi ubwenzi wapamtima muubwenzi, mudzamva kuti mwataya chigwirizano chakale chomwe mudagawana. Kaŵirikaŵiri timamva anthu akudzudzula ponena za mnzawo amene alibe chikondi, “Amandikonda koma sasonyeza chikondi.” Nthawi zambiri, nafenso tikhoza kukhala opanda chikondi kwa anzathu. Kotero, kodi munayamba mwadzifunsapo kuti, "N'chifukwa chiyani sindine chikondi?"

Ndipo chimachitika ndi chiyani paubwenzi wopanda chibwenzi? Kodi chikondi chakuthupi n’chofunika bwanji pankhaniyi? Chabwino, ndizodziwika bwino kuti kukumbatirana ndi kukumbatirana kumatulutsa oxytocin, yomwe imadziwikanso kuti 'hormone yachikondi'. Popanda izi, mutha kukhala osakhutira komanso osasangalala. Koma kodi kusowa chikondi kumakhudza chiyani m'kupita kwanthawi? Kodi kupanda ubwenzi muukwati kungathetse chibwenzi chanu? Kodi mungatani ngati muli pachibwenzi ndi munthu amene sakukondani? Tiyesetsa kuyankha mafunso oyaka moto ngati amenewa omwe mungakhale nawo okhudza chikondi ndi ubwenzi wanu. Chifukwa chake, popanda kuchita zambiri, tiyeni tipeze mayankho.

Kufunika Kwa Ubwenzi Ndi Chikondi Mu Ubale

Ndi chibadwa cha umunthu kuyembekezera ubwenzi wapamtima muubwenzi, kaya wamalingaliro kapena wakuthupi, ndipo palibenso wosakwanira popanda winayo. Mwaona, ubwenzi uli wachibadwa pamene ubwenziwo ukuyenda bwino ndipo ukangoyamba kumene. Koma m’kupita kwa nthawi, ubwenzi wapamtima umayamba kuchepa, ndipo okwatirana angayambe kuonana mopepuka.

Pakati pa ntchito zawo zotanganidwa komanso kuthamangira kumaliza ntchito zapakhomo, maanja amakonda kunyalanyaza ubwenzi, womwe ndi gawo lalikulu la chilichonse. maubale okhalitsa. Zomwe amaiwala ndizomwe zimamangiriza ubale mu nthawi zovuta ndikulimbitsa mgwirizano wanthawi yayitali. Palinso mbali zina za chikondi ndi ubwenzi zomwe zili zofunika kwambiri pa maubwenzi. Tiyeni tiwone zifukwa zingapo:

1. Anthu amafuna kukondedwa

William Schutz, mu chiphunzitso chake cha Mfundo Zokhudza Ubale Wapakati (FIRO-B), inanena kuti chikondi/kumasuka ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zitatu zofunika kwambiri kwa anthu. Ndipotu, n’zodziŵika bwino kuti monga anthu, timalakalaka kukondedwa ndi kukondedwa. Ndipo kuwonjezera pa kukhala chinthu chofunika kwambiri pa moyo wathu watsiku ndi tsiku, chikondi n’chofunikanso m’maubwenzi athu ngati tikufuna kuti zinthu ziziyenda bwino.

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2. Chikondi chimamanga maubale okhalitsa

Ubwenzi ndi chikondi sizingagawike m'magulu kapena kutchedwa kuti thupi chabe. A phunziro ananena kuti kusowa kulankhulana ndi kukondana m'maganizo ndi zifukwa zazikulu zomwe zimachititsa kuti anthu okwatirana azifuna chithandizo cham'banja. Onse thupi ndi kulumikizana kwamaganizidwe ndi zofunika kusunga ubale wautali. M'malo mwake, pali mitundu yosiyanasiyana yaubwenzi yomwe imathandizira kuti maubwenzi akule:

• Zamalingaliro: Ubwenzi woterewu umaphatikizapo kukhala ndi mtima wokondana wina ndi mnzake panthawi yamavuto. Zimakuthandizaninso kumvetsetsa mnzanu, potero kulimbikitsa ubale
• thupi: Izi zitha kuphatikiza machitidwe ogonana komanso osagonana, monga kugwirana manja kapena kupsopsonana
• Luntha: Izi zikuphatikizapo kumvetsetsa luso la bwenzi la bwenzi lake ndi kuthandizira potenga nawo mbali pazokambirana, kukhala omasuka kuphunzira kuchokera kwa wina ndi mzake, ndi kutsutsa wina ndi mzake kuti alimbikitse kukula kwa maganizo.
• Mwauzimu: Izi zikuphatikizapo kulemekezana zinthu zauzimu za wina ndi mnzake

Ndipo mitundu yonseyi imathandizira kukulitsa ubale pakapita nthawi. Zimathandizira kukhala ndi malingaliro odzipereka komanso kukhutitsidwa kwa ubale, ngati zigwiridwa bwino.

3. Chikondi chimawongolera magwiridwe antchito amthupi

Nthawi zambiri timalankhula za anthu omwe amakondana. Ena amanena kuti chikondi chimalimbitsa chitetezo cha mthupi. Kuwonjezera pa chikhulupiriro chimenechi, ofufuza afotokozanso bwino mmene manja achikondi amakhudzira mmene thupi limakhudzira thupi. A phunziro zatsimikizira kuti kupsompsona kumathandiziradi thanzi pochepetsa kupsinjika ndi kuchuluka kwa kolesterolini kwa okondedwa. Choncho, chikondi chikuwoneka ngati njira yovomerezeka yolepheretsa madokotala kutali. Ndipo kusakhudzana pachibwenzi kungakhudze moyo wanu wamalingaliro ndi thupi.

Kodi Zifukwa Zotani Zomwe Zimayambitsa Kusowa Chikondi Mu Ubwenzi?

Kotero, tsopano inu mukudziwa kufunika kwa chikondi mu ubale. Ndipo mukakhala ndi njala ya chikondi kuchokera kwa wokondedwa wanu, ndikofunika kuti mufufuze mozama za khalidwe la wina ndi mzake kuti mupeze zifukwa. Zomwe zimayambitsa ziyenera kumveka musanagwere kupsinjika komwe kumayambitsidwa ndi kusowa ubwenzi.

Ndiye, kodi mumadzikwiyira ndikuuza anzanu kuti, “Mnzanga sakondana”? Ndipo mukudabwa chomwe chingakhale chifukwa chake? Pali zifukwa zingapo zomwe zimachititsa kusowa chikondi ndi ubwenzi wapamtima. Lisa ndi Richard, okwatirana achichepere azaka zawo zakumapeto kwa 20, anawona kuti unansi wawo unalibe chikondi ndi ubwenzi wapamtima, iwo anayesa kupeza zifukwa zazikulu zaukwati. Atakambirana kwambiri, anazindikira kuti pali zinthu zambiri zimene zinachititsa kuti achite zimenezi. Tatchula zifukwa zomwe zimachititsa kuti pakhale kusowa chikondi m'banja:

1. Mgwirizano wofooka wamalingaliro

Chotero, kodi zimatanthauzanji ngati wina sakulandira chikondi? Nthawi zambiri, pamene malingaliro anu sakugundanso ndi wokondedwa wanu, zimasonyeza kusowa kwa chikondi ndi chikondi. ubwenzi mu chiyanjano. Chifukwa chake, bwenzi lanu ndi inu mwina mwakhala ndi zinthu zofunika kwambiri m'moyo kapena ma seti osiyanasiyana amtengo wapatali, ndipo izi zitha kukupangitsani kuti mupatuke m'malingaliro. Izi zimakhudza gawo lachikondi la ubale wanu.

2. Kupatula nthawi yocheperako ndi wina ndi mnzake

Mukakhala otanganidwa kwambiri chifukwa cha ntchito kapena zochita zanu, mumathera nthawi yochepa ndi mnzanuyo. Kupanda nthawi yabwino pachibwenzi ndikotsimikizika kukusiyani ndi njala ya chikondi komanso ubwenzi ndi bwenzi lanu.

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3. Kusalemekeza mnzako

Chimodzi mwa zifukwa zazikulu za kusowa kwa ubwenzi wapamtima m’banja mulibe ulemu. Ziribe kanthu kuti chibwenzicho chikhale chachikulu bwanji, ndikofunikira kukhala ndi ulemu kwa wokondedwa wanu. Popanda zimenezo, ubwenziwo mwachionekere udzasokonekera, kuchititsa kuti chikondicho chichepe ndi kuyanjana kwaubwenzi. Zizindikiro za kusalemekeza koteroko ndi:

• Kutukwana kapena kumenyedwa pafupipafupi
• Kunyoza mnzanu
• Kuchotsa nkhawa za mnzanu

4. Kusiyana kwa umunthu

Makhalidwe anu akhoza kukhala osiyana kwambiri. Othandizana nawo nthawi zambiri samazindikira kusiyana kotere kumayambiriro kwa ubale, koma pakapita nthawi, mipata iyi imakhala yayikulu. Posakhalitsa, amayamba kukhudza ubwenzi pakati pa inu nonse.

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5. Kusatetezeka kwaumwini ndi zofooka

Pakhoza kukhala zochitika zomwe mnzanuyo sangakhale otetezeka kapena odzidalira monga inu. Izi zitha kukhala chifukwa chazifukwa zambiri - zovuta zamawonekedwe a thupi, a ubale wakale zoopsa, kapena kubwerera m'mbuyo mu ntchito yawo. Nthawi zambiri, munthu akapanda kudzidalira, amapewa kusonyeza chikondi kwa mnzawo. Mwina mumadzifunsa kuti, “Kodi kupanda chidwi kungawononge ubale ngati zili choncho?” Chabwino, inde, kusatetezeka kwa mnzanuyo kungasokoneze ubwenzi wanu.

6. Kusasangalala ndi kuseka

Zosangalatsa zazing'ono muubwenzi sizingofunika komanso ndizofunikira. Mukamawanyalanyaza, zingawononge ndalama zambiri ndipo musanazindikire, ubwenzi wanu udzakhala wopanda chikondi ndi ubwenzi. Ndipotu, simungakonde munthu kotheratu popanda kumusonyeza chikondi m’zochita zazing’ono za tsiku ndi tsiku. Chifukwa chake, chikondi ndi ubwenzi zitha kukhudzidwa, ngati:

• Osataya nthawi yosangalatsa pa Netflix nawo
• Osawaseka mwamasewera
• Osachita nawo zinthu zosangalatsa, monga zosangalatsa kapena maulendo apaulendo

Njira 9 Zosowa Chikondi Ndi Ubwenzi Mu A
Ubale Umakukhudzani

Mukazindikira kuti chibwenzi chanu chilibe chikondi ndi ubwenzi, zikhoza kukhala chenjezo kuti moyo wautali wa moyo wanu wachikondi uli pachiwopsezo. Chotero, kodi kupanda chikondi kumatani kwa mwamuna, kapena mkazi? Chabwino, ngati wokondedwa wanu sakusonyeza chikondi, zingakhudze ubale wanu m'njira zosiyanasiyana. Ndipo okwatirana ena amakumana ndi mavuto monga kuwonjezereka kwa mikangano ndi kusalinganizika kotheratu. M’chenicheni, kungachititse munthu kukhala ndi makhalidwe oipa. Samalani ndi mbendera zofiira zomwe zingachitike pamene chikondi chikuchepa muubwenzi. Pano, tikulemba zotsatira zisanu ndi zinayi za kusowa kwa ubwenzi muubwenzi:

1. Mumasiya kuuzana zakukhosi kwanu

Pakakhala kusowa kwa chikondi ndi ubwenzi, mumataya malo anu otonthoza ndi okondedwa anu ndipo mudzakhala ndi zochepa kapena mulibe chilichonse chofuna kugawana zakukhosi kwanu wina ndi mzake. Ubwenzi umayamba kutha, ndipo kugawana zakukhosi kumachotsa mndandanda wazomwe mumayika patsogolo.

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2. Mumakumana ndi kusamvana mu ubale

Kusakondana pakati pa anthu okwatirana kungachititse kuti m’modziyo akhale wotanganidwa kwambiri ndi chibwenzicho kuposa mnzakeyo, zomwe zimawasiya onse akukhumudwa chifukwa chosowa mtendere komanso kusamvana. Pamene mmodzi wa okwatirana ali ndi njala ya chikondi, kusowa kwa ubwenzi kungapangitse kumverera kwambiri.

3. Moyo wanu wogonana umavutika

Chabwino, kodi mukuona kuti simumakhudzana wina ndi mnzake monga pagulu, ngakhalenso mwamseri? Kodi mumaona kuti simukumbatirana, kukumbatirana, kapena kusisita monga momwe munkachitira m’masiku oyambirira achikondi? Nthawi zambiri timamva amuna akugona pabedi, "Amandikonda koma samandikonda." Momwemonso, akazi nawonso akhoza kukhala osakhutira pakugonana ndi kunyalanyazidwa.

Kusakhudzidwa kwenikweni m'miyoyo yathu yatsiku ndi tsiku kungayambitse moyo wosagonana wogonana. Kumbukirani, kugonana sikovuta kwambiri, ndipo ngakhale kusowa kwamphamvu kwachikondi kumawononga moyo wanu wakugonana m'kupita kwanthawi. Ndipo palibe choipa kuposa a ubale wopanda kugonana, chifukwa pamapeto pake zingakupangitseni kufuna zosangalatsa kunja kwa chibwenzicho.

Roma ndi Joel, amene akhala m’banja zaka zoposa ziŵiri tsopano, anayamba kumva zotulukapo za kusoŵa ubwenzi wapamtima m’banja miyezi ingapo yapitayo. Aromani anati: “Chibwenzi chikatha, mudzadziwiratu nthawi yomweyo.” Ndipo kupanda kusonyeza chikondi nthawi zonse, monga kukumbatirana kapena kupsompsona, kunkachititsanso kuti tizichita zinthu mobisalirana.

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4. Umasiya kufuna malangizo

Ubwenzi ukasiya chikondi ndi ubwenzi, kusiyana kwa anthu okwatirana kumakula. Zikatere, mungasiye kufunsira malangizo kwa wina ndi mnzake ndipo mwina simungagwirizane ndi kugwirizana ngati mmene munachitira poyamba. Kaya zikukhudza ntchito yanu kapena vuto labanja, simudzakhalanso omasuka kufunafuna upangiri wowona mtima kwa mnzanu.

5. Ndiwe wosungulumwa kwambiri

Yankho limodzi ku funso lakuti “Kodi kupanda chikondi kumatani kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi?” n’chakuti zimangowapangitsa kukhala osungulumwa. N’zachidziŵikire kuti ngati mulibe chikondi ndi ubwenzi, mungadzimve kukhala wosungulumwa kuposa masiku onse. Mudzamvanso kuti mulibe chithandizo cha okondedwa anu pamene mukufunika kuchotsa nkhawa.

Kaya kunyalanyaza kugonana muubwenzi kapena kusagwirizana m'maganizo, kusowa ubwenzi kungasokoneze mgwirizano wanu ndi wokondedwa wanu. Mwina mungamve ngati mwataya bwenzi lenileni. Zimenezi zingachititse kuti munthu ayambe kuvutika maganizo chifukwa chosowa ubwenzi.

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6. Kuopsa kwakukulu kwa kusakhulupirika

Ngati wokondedwa wanu sachitanso chibwenzi, mukhoza kuyesedwa kuti muyambe kukondana ndi wina. Ichi ndi chikhalidwe chaumunthu. Mutha kumverera kuti muli ndi ufulu wopeza zosankha zomwe zilipo kwina, monga pa TV.

Mwaona, pamene wina ali osakondwa muubwenzi chifukwa chosowa chikondi kapena ubwenzi, amakhala ndi mwayi wofunafuna zinthu kunja kwa mgwirizano kuti akwaniritse zosowa zawo zamalingaliro kapena zakuthupi. Kufunafuna chimwemwe kwina kulikonse si mlandu, koma kusakhulupirika kungawononge kugwirizana kwa nthawi yaitali ndi mnzanuyo.

7. Mikangano imachuluka

Chifukwa cha kusowa kwa chikondi kapena ubwenzi wapamtima, okwatiranawo amatha kukangana mopanda chifukwa. Patapita nthawi, izi mikangano ya ubale zitha kuchulukirachulukira ngati simuthetsa kusiyanako mutangoyamba kumene. Nthawi zonse kumbukirani, kufinya mofatsa kwa dzanja la mnzanu, kujowina pa tsaya lawo, kapena kusisita tsitsi lawo kumatha kuthetsa vuto lanu bwino komanso mwachangu kuposa kukangana kwanthawi yayitali pazomwe zidalakwika.

8. Kusokonezeka maganizo ndi thupi kumawonjezeka

A Psychology Today Nkhaniyi inanena kuti kupanda chikondi kungachititse kuti munthu azivutika ndi njala. Si kanthu koma kukhumbira kukhudza kodabwitsa kapena kukhudzana ndi thupi - chimodzi mwazotsatira za kusowa kwa ubwenzi muubwenzi. Ndipo anthu omwe ali ndi vutoli nthawi zambiri amavutika ndi nkhawa, kukhumudwa, kusokonezeka kwamalingaliro ndi malingaliro osiyanasiyana komanso thanzi.

Yankho la funso lakuti "Kodi kusowa chikondi kumachita chiyani kwa mkazi?" ikugwirizananso ndi mfundo iyi. Chabwino, monga momwe amayi nthawi zambiri amakhudzirana muubwenzi, kusowa kwachikondi kulikonse kumatha kuwapangitsa kukhumudwa kapena kukulitsa kudzidalira. Zikatero, akazi amathanso kuchoka paubwenzi wina ndi mzake, kapena kuyamba kusangalatsa okondedwa awo kuti atsimikizire. Zimapanga ubale wopanda thanzi, momwe mkaziyo

9. Yachibadwa yatsopano yayamba

Ndiye chimachitika ndi chiyani mwamuna akapanda kusonyeza chikondi? Chabwino, pamene palibe chikondi kapena ubwenzi, 'zachilendo zatsopano' zimayamba ndipo moto wakale umazimiririka. Ziribe kanthu momwe ubale womwe mudagawana wina ndi mnzake unali wamphamvu komanso wolimba bwanji m'mbuyomu, kusowa chikondi kungakhale kokwanira kuti mufotokozenso malamulo a ubale wanu.

Momwe Mungathanirane ndi Kupanda Kulumikizana Mwamalingaliro Paubwenzi

Kotero, tsopano mukudziwa momwe kusowa kwa chikondi ndi chiyanjano kumakhudzira ubale ndi momwe zilili zofunika kwambiri pomanga ubale wautali, mungakhale mukudabwa momwe mungachitire ndi mnzanu yemwe sali wachikondi. Chifukwa chake, tiyeni tiwone maupangiri ena oti tikonze kusowa kwa mgwirizano wamaganizidwe muubwenzi:

1. Lankhulani ndi bwenzi lanu

Kumbukirani, nkhani zoyankhulirana ndizomwe zimayambitsa mavuto ambiri a ubale, komanso kulankhulana momasuka akhoza kuthetsanso nkhaniyi. Mukawona kuti simukukondana mokwanira kapenanso mwakuthupi, kambiranani. Koma, mungalankhule bwanji ndi wokondedwa wanu za kusowa chikondi? Lolani mnzanuyo kuti adziwe zomwe mukuyembekezera ndipo muzichita pamodzi. Lemekezani kusiyana kwanu. Mofananamo, munthu wopanda chikondi angakhale akuvutika maganizo. Mvetserani chifukwa cha khalidwe lawo ndikuchitapo kanthu.

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2. Khalani nawo kwa iwo

Njira yabwino yowonjezerera chikondi ndi kugwirizana kwamalingaliro muubwenzi ndikukhalapo kwa okondedwa anu panthawi yomwe ali pachiopsezo komanso ofooka. Ngati sakukondwera ndi ntchito zawo, sakukhutira ndi njira zanu zogwirira ntchito, kapena akuvutitsidwa ndi chinthu china, amvetsereni ndi kuwafotokozera. Osawapewa, kuwaweruza, kapena kulowa mumasewera olakwa. Pali njira zambiri zochitira sonyezani chikondi muubwenzi, ndi kuthandiza okondedwa wanu mu nthawi zamdima kwambiri ndi mmodzi wa iwo.

3.Pezani nthawi limodzi

Inde, tonse tili otanganidwa ndi moyo wathu ndi ntchito, koma kuthera nthawi yabwino ndi mnzanu palibe njira ina. Tonse tili ndi zilankhulo zosiyanasiyana zachikondi ndipo muyenera kuzindikira chinenero chachikondi zomwe zimakondweretsa wokondedwa wanu. Pezani zachikondi, konzani chakudya chamadzulo modzidzimutsa, tulukani kukachita zinthu zogawana, yendani limodzi, lowani nawo makalasi osangalatsa kapena makalabu owerengera - awonetseni kuti mumawakonda, apangitseni kumva kuti amakondedwa, ndikumanganso ubale wabwino. Kumanganso ubwenzi wapamtima muukwati n’kopindulitsa kwabasi!

4.Ditch zochita zanu

Nthawi zina, ndikofunikira kusiya chizolowezi cha moyo wathu wotopetsa kuti tiyandikire ngati okondedwa. Chifukwa chake, perekani nthawi yomaliza yantchitoyo kuphonya kamodzi ndikupereka nthawi yokwanira kwa mnzanu m'malo mwake. Khalani kunyumba kapena kutuluka, koma musathamangire. Lumikizani pa khofi kapena vinyo ndikuwuzana kuti ubalewo ndi wofunikira kwa onse awiri.

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5.Khalani patali, ngati pakufunika

Inde, izi zingaoneke ngati zovuta, koma monga amanenera, kusapezekako kumapangitsa mtima kukula bwino. Pumulani pang'ono paubwenzi ndikupita paulendo nokha kapena kukachezera makolo anu. Izi zidzakupatsanso nonse nthawi yoganizira zomwe mukufuna kuchokera pachibwenzi komanso ngati mukuphonya ndipo mukufuna kupita patsogolo.

6. Lankhulani ndi mlangizi

Pomaliza, ngati mukusowa chikondi muubwenzi ndipo ngati zoyesayesa zanu zonse zoyankhulirana zalephereka, pitani kukalandira uphungu kwa maanja. Kupatula apo, palibe amene amadziwa bwino za maubwenzi kuposa mlangizi waluso. Khalani ndi gawo losasefedwa pa zomwe zikuyambitsa kupatukana - nkhani zapamtima, kusagwirizana, kapena kunyong'onyeka? Mukhozanso kuyesa maanja mankhwala zolimbitsa thupi kunyumba.

Chifukwa chake, tikukhulupirira kuti tatha kuyankha mafunso anu oyaka moto okhudzana ndi zomwe zimayambitsa komanso zotsatira za kusowa kwa chikondi komanso ubwenzi wapamtima. Tikukhulupirira kuti simukufufuzanso "Kodi kusowa chikondi kumatani kwa mkazi, kapena mwamuna?" Ndi malangizo athu omwe ayesedwa, mudzatha kuthana ndi kusowa kwa chikondi koteroko ndikubwezeretsanso ubale wanu ndi mnzanuyo. Kumbukirani, pakhoza kukhala zifukwa zambirimbiri zomwe zimayambitsa kusakondana ndipo malingaliro onse sangagwire ntchito kwa maanja onse, popeza tonse ndife osiyana. Chifukwa chake, pezani zolakwika pamalumikizidwe anu, zithetseni mwanzeru, ndikuyamba kukonza zokonda zanu!

Ibibazo

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