Zizindikiro Mnyamata Amakondana Nanu Moyipa: 15 Red Flags

Chikondi chimapangidwa kuti munthu azimva kutentha, kutetezedwa komanso kukhazikika. Koma pali kusiyana pakati pa munthu amene amakukondani moona mtima ndi munthu amene ali wokonzeka kulamulira mbali iliyonse ya moyo wanu. Makhalidwe oyambirirawa akhoza kukhala zizindikiro zazikulu kuti mwamuna amakukondani molakwika. Pamene chikondi cha mwamuna chikumva ngati chikakamizo kuposa mtendere, chofanana ndi kukhala nacho kusiyana ndi chiyanjano, muyenera kufunsa—chiani kwenikweni chikuchitika?

Kukonda kwambiri zinthu sikuti nthawi zonse kumabwera chifukwa cha kufuula. Nthawi zina, kumabwera chifukwa cha kuyamikiridwa, kulembetsa nthawi zonse, kapena kupita kukacheza modzidzimutsa. Monga momwe Dr. Jenn Mann , katswiri wodziwa za ukwati ndi mabanja, akufotokozera, chikondi chokonda kwambiri nthawi zambiri chimabisala kumbuyo kwa mphamvu ndi kukwera mofulumira kwa malingaliro—sichilemekeza malire, chimawaletsa.

Talankhula ndi azimayi angapo omwe adagawana nawo zokumana nazo zowopsa: m'modzi adafotokoza momwe mnzakeyo amatumizira mameseji opitilira 80 patsiku ndikumuimba mlandu womunyalanyaza ngati atatenga nthawi yayitali kuposa mphindi 10 kuti ayankhe. Wina adagawana momwe chibwenzi chake chimalimbikitsira FaceTiming madzulo aliwonse "kuti angowona nkhope yake," koma zidawonekeratu kuti ndikuyang'ana komwe amakhala.

Kuwona zizindikiro za kutengeka maganizo kungakuthandizeni kubwerera mmbuyo musanagwidwe ndi chinachake chomwe chimamveka ngati msampha kusiyana ndi kulumikizana. Kukonda kukonda sikudzipereka - ndi njira yodzilamulira, nkhawa, komanso kutanganidwa kwambiri zomwe zimawononga chitetezo chanu.

15 Zizindikiro Mnyamata Amatengeka Nanu Mwanjira Yoyipa

Ku Bonobology, nthawi zambiri timamva kuchokera kwa owerenga omwe amati, "Akuwoneka ngati ali mwa ine, koma china chake sichimamveka." Ndi malingaliro omwe amakula kuposa momwe mungayembekezere, ndipo nthawi zambiri amakhala chizindikiro chakuya. Kutengeka maganizo si chikondi ndi kutengeka kowonjezera; ndi ulamuliro utavekedwa ngati kudzipereka. Ichi ndichifukwa chake taphatikiza bukhuli. Tasankha zizindikiro zodziwika bwino zomwe munthu amakukondani moyipa, kotero mutha kuteteza malo anu, malire anu, komanso kukhudzika kwanu.

Bukuli linapangidwa kuti likuthandizeni kuzindikira zizindikiro zofiira msanga. Kuyambira kukonda kwambiri zinthu, mpaka kumvetsetsa nthawi imene wina akukonda kwambiri inu poyerekeza ndi nthawi imene akusamaladi, kudziwa kusiyana kumeneku kumateteza mtendere wanu. Kaya mwangoyamba kumene chibwenzi kapena miyezi ingapo yapita, kuona zizindikiro zakuti mwamuna akukonda kwambiri zinthu kungakupatseni kumveka bwino komanso kulimba mtima kuti mubwerere m'mbuyo ndi kuika patsogolo chitetezo chanu chamaganizo zinthu zisanayambe kuyenda bwino. Chifukwa chikondi chenicheni sichimakulepheretsani, chimathandizira. Ndipotu, zizindikiro zambiri zakuti munthu akukonda kwambiri zinthu sizimaonekera chifukwa zimabisala kumbuyo kwa chikondi. Ngati munayamba mwadzifunsapo ngati chidwi chake chili chachikulu kwambiri, simuli nokha, izi nthawi zambiri zimakhala zizindikiro zoyambirira zakuti munthu akukonda kwambiri zinthu.

“Kutengeka maganizo sikuli kudzipereka, koma kumangotaya mtima basi.

 - Dr. Jenn Mann, wovomerezeka waukwati ndi banja

1. Amafuna kudziwa komwe muli mphindi iliyonse

Poyamba, zimamveka zokoma kuti amafufuza nthawi zambiri koma zikasintha ndikutsata zomwe mukuchita, zimadutsa mzere. Mayi wina anatiuza momwe chibwenzi chake chimakhalira tsiku lonse kuti "awone zomwe akuchita." Wina adagawana nawo malo ake osafunsa, ndipo adagwiritsa ntchito kukayikira malo aliwonse omwe amapita. Ngati mnyamata akufuna zosintha kumene inu muli, amene muli naye, ndi nthawi yaitali bwanji mudzakhala kunja-nthawi zonse-si za kusamala, ndi za ulamuliro.

Momwe mungachitire

• Mwaulemu khalani ndi ziyembekezo nthawi zoyankha kapena zosintha zatsiku ndi tsiku
• Zimitsani kugawana malo ngati kukupangitsani kukhala osamasuka
• Gwiritsani ntchito mawu oti “Ine” kusonyeza mmene khalidwe lake limakhudzira mtendere wanu wa mumtima
• Ngati kuli kofunikira, pangani malo enieni kuti mukhazikitsenso ufulu wodzilamulira

2. Salemekeza zachinsinsi chanu

Mu ubale wabwino , mauthenga anu, mawu achinsinsi, ndi moyo wa digito ziyenera kukhala zanu—pokhapokha mutasankha kugawana. Koma ndi mnzanu amene amakonda kwambiri zinthu, chinsinsi sichipezeka. Mungamuone akuyang'ana pazenera la foni yanu, akufunsa amene mukutumizirana mameseji, kapena choipa kwambiri, akuwerenga mauthenga anu pamene mulibe.

Momwe mungachitire

• Sungani zida zanu zotetezedwa ndi mawu achinsinsi, ndipo musamve ngati mukuyenera kugawana nawo
• Nenani kuti kudalira sikufuna kuwonekera kwathunthu
• Limbikitsani malire anu pamene zowukira zazing'ono zimachitika
• Limbikitsani kukambirana momasuka pofufuza mwachinsinsi

“Kukhulupirirana sikumangika pochotsa zinsinsi—kumamangidwa ndi kulemekeza.”

 - Esther Perel

3. Amawoneka osayitanidwa

Zodabwitsa zimakoma zikachitika mwa apo ndi apo. Koma akamawonekera mobwerezabwereza osakuuzani, si zachikondi, ndi zosokoneza. Kaya ndi kuntchito kwanu, malo ochitira masewera olimbitsa thupi, kapena kunyumba kwa mnzanu, kuwonekera popanda chidziwitso kumasonyeza kuti mumangoyang'anitsitsa. Kuwonekera ku ofesi yanu, malo odyera omwe mumakonda, kapena malo ochitira masewera olimbitsa thupi mobwerezabwereza ndi chizindikiro chakuti akuyang'anitsitsa mayendedwe anu.

Momwe mungachitire

• Muuzeni kuti mukafika mwadzidzidzi mumakhumudwa
• Limbikitsani mapulani okonzekera "zodabwitsa"
• Osadzilungamitsa chifukwa chosowa malo. Imani olimba pa malire aumwini
• Phatikizani mnzanu wodalirika kapena phungu ngati khalidweli likupitirira

4. Amachitira nsanje aliyense

Nsanje yomwe imachokera ku kusadzidalira kwenikweni nthawi zina imatha kuthetsedwa koma mwamuna akayamba kukayikira aliyense m'moyo wanu, si nkhani ya chikondi. Mwamuna wansanje nthawi zambiri amakhala wokonda kulamulira . Mwamuna wokonda kwambiri zinthu nthawi zambiri amaona kuti kuyanjana kulikonse komwe mumachita ndi wina kukuopsezani.

Momwe mungachitire

• Pewani kufotokoza mopambanitsa zonse zomwe mumakumana nazo ndi ena
• Muuzeni momwe zochita zake zimakupangitsani kumva kuti mumawonedwa kapena akutsutsidwa
• Tsimikizirani ngati kuli koyenera koma osalekerera kulamulira
• Apangireni uphungu ngati nsanje yakula

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5. Amakuvutitsani ndi mauthenga

Kulankhulana pafupipafupi kungamveke ngati chikondi poyamba. Koma foni yanu ikayamba kuyatsa mphindi zochepa zilizonse, siikhalanso chikondi, koma ndi nkhawa, kulamulira, komanso kusowa chochita komwe kumadzaza ndi ma emoji. Ngati mwamuna adzaza foni yanu ndi mauthenga tsiku lonse ndipo amaopa ngati simuyankha nthawi yomweyo, ndi chizindikiro chakuti maganizo ake amadalira nthawi zonse kukufikirani. Izi zitha kuwoneka ngati chikondi chakuya koma kwenikweni, zimachokera pamalo osagwirizana ndi thanzi labwino ndipo zimapangitsa kuti munthu avutike kwambiri.

Momwe mungachitire

• Osamva kukakamizidwa kuyankha nthawi yomweyo; ikani malire a kulankhulana
• Tsegulani zidziwitso kapena gwiritsani ntchito "musasokoneze" panthawi yantchito kapena kupumula
• Tsimikizirani pakafunika, koma musasinthe mwayi wopezeka nthawi zonse
• Ganizirani momwe kutumizirana mauthenga kumakukhudzirani, ndipo lankhulani moona mtima

6. Amayenda mothamanga kwambiri

Kukuuzani kuti amakukondani mu sabata yoyamba, kuganiza za ana anu mu sabata yachiwiri, ndikulankhula za kusamukira m'nyumba mwezi uliwonse kungamveke ngati chilakolako koma nthawi zambiri kumadziwika kuti kuphulika kwa chikondi . Mtundu uwu wa mphamvu ukhoza kumveka bwino mukamalakalaka kulumikizana. Koma umadutsa kamvekedwe kachibadwa kodziwana ndi munthu wina ndipo umabweretsa kupsinjika maganizo.

Momwe mungachitire

• Tengani nthawi yanu kuti mudziwe munthu. Osafanana ndi liwiro lawo ngati ikuwoneka yothamanga
• Chepetsani mwaulemu kukambirana za mapulani amtsogolo
• Khazikitsani malire okhudzana ndi kuthupi, malingaliro, ndi digito
• Khulupirirani chibadwa chanu ngati chikumva kwambiri, mwina ndi choncho

7. Amakwiya ukakana

Kusamvana ndi chinthu chachibadwa muubwenzi uliwonse. Koma ngati “ayi” iliyonse yomwe mupereka ikukumana ndi kukwiya, kukwiya, kudzipatula pamalingaliro, kapena kudzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa , ndiye kuti sikuti ndi kusagwirizana kokha, koma ndi kusokoneza maganizo. Muubwenzi wabwino, okwatirana salangana chifukwa chotsimikizira zosowa zawo.

Momwe mungachitire

• Khalani odekha ndi osasinthasintha poika malire
• Dzikumbutseni kuti kunena "ayi" ndi ufulu wanu
• Osafotokoza mopambanitsa kapena kubweza kumbuyo ngati sakuchita bwino
• Dzitalikitseni nokha kwa aliyense amene amakupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu wolakwa chifukwa chofuna kulimbikitsa zosowa zanu

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8. Amakupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu wolakwa chifukwa chokhala ndi moyo

Ubwenzi uliwonse uyenera kulola kukula kwa munthu payekha . Koma akamakukhumudwitsani ndi nthawi yanu yapayekha, kaya ndi usiku wa atsikana kapena kuonera Netflix nokha, ndi chizindikiro chofiira kuti ubalewo ukhoza kukhala wovuta kwambiri. Palibe amene ayenera kukukhumudwitsani chifukwa chokhala moyo wanu.

Momwe mungachitire

• Akumbutseni kuti maubwenzi abwino amathandiza munthu aliyense payekha
• Khazikitsani ndi kuteteza nthawi yanu popanda kupepesa
• Pangani mapulani osamva ngati mukufuna chilolezo
• Limbikitsani kukambirana momasuka, koma musadzilungamitse kapena kuteteza ndondomeko yanu

9. Amakutsatani nthawi zonse pa intaneti

Munkachita chiyani pa intaneti nthawi ya 2 koloko m'mawa? N’chifukwa chiyani munasiya uthenga wanga “pa seen” kwa ola lonse? N’chifukwa chiyani wakale wanu akuonera nkhani zanu za pa Instagram? Mafunso ngati awa ndi chenjezo lomveka bwino loti munthu wina akuyang'anirani chilichonse chomwe mukuchita pa intaneti. Ndi ulendo waufupi kuchokera pano kupita ku pulogalamu yotsatirira yomwe ikuyikidwa pafoni yanu, ndipo ndichifukwa chake muyenera kuzindikira chizindikiro chofiira ichi cha khalidwe lotayirira ndikuchichotsa msanga.

Momwe mungachitire

• Zimitsani malisiti owerengera kapena mawonedwe ankhani ngati zimathandizira kusunga malire
• Chepetsani zomwe mumagawana pa intaneti ngati zikugwiritsidwa ntchito motsutsana nanu
• Yang'anirani machitidwe a pa intaneti mozama ngati kuwongolera kwenikweni
• Khulupirirani matumbo anu ngati chidwi chake chikuwoneka ngati kuyang'aniridwa

10. Amayesa kulamulira zimene muvala;

Malinga ndi zizindikiro kuti munthu amakukondani molakwika, kutsutsa kwake zovala zanu kapena kulankhula mawu ngati mukuvala mwanjira inayake kuti mukope chidwi kapena kumenyana ndi inu chifukwa chake "mukupempha" ndi mbendera yofiira kwambiri momwe zingakhalire. 

Momwe mungachitire

• Valani nokha, osati chitonthozo chake
• Nenani modekha kuti maonekedwe anu ndiye chisankho chanu
• Kanani chilankhulo chomwe chimabisa ulamuliro ngati chisamaliro
• Phatikizanipo abwenzi kapena akatswiri odalirika ngati ndemanga zake zikukwera

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11. Iye alibe moyo kunja kwa inu;

Kukhala patsogolo kwa munthu n'kokongola, koma kukhala patsogolo kwa munthu yekha sikoyenera. Ngati wasiya mabwenzi, zosangalatsa, kapena umunthu wake chifukwa cha inu, si kudzipereka. Ndi kudalira maganizo , ndipo kumaika mphamvu pa udindo wanu m'moyo wake.

Momwe mungachitire

• Mulimbikitseni kuti agwirizanenso ndi zokonda zakale kapena mabwenzi
• Osadziona kuti ndi wolakwa chifukwa chokhala ndi moyo komanso zinthu zofunika kwambiri
• Patulani nthawi ngati kuyembekezera koyenera, koyenera
• Dziwani kuti kudalira maganizo kumatha kukhala koopsa pakapita nthawi

12. Iye amakuyendayenda nthawi zonse

Simuli ndi udindo pa maganizo ake. Ngati nthawi zonse amapeza njira yoti akupangitseni kudzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa, kaya chifukwa chosowa malo, kuonana ndi anzanu, kapena kusatumizirana mameseji nthawi yomweyo, ndi njira yopezera chikondi , osati chikondi. Kudzimva wolakwa kumakhala chingwe chomwe chimakusungani kuti mukwaniritse zomwe iye akuyembekezera.

Momwe mungachitire

• Zindikirani kuti kudziimba mlandu ndi njira yonyengerera, osati kuonetsa chowonadi
• Kanani kuchita nawo zinthu pamene mukudziwa kuti malire anu ndi ovomerezeka
• Dzikumbutseni kuti palibe vuto kukana popanda kudzikonda
• Mutsimikizireni ngati n’koyenera, koma osati chifukwa cha chitonthozo chanu

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungakhazikitsire Malire mu Ubale Popanda Kudzimva Wolakwa

13. Akuwopseza kuti adzivulaza yekha

Uku ndi kuzunza maganizo komwe kumachitika mwa njira yoipa kwambiri. Ngati akunena zinthu monga, “Ndidzivulaza ngati mundisiya,” akugwiritsa ntchito mantha kuti akulamulireni. Chitetezo chanu ndi mtendere wanu wamaganizo siziyenera kuperekedwa nsembe kuti zisangalatse khalidwe losakhazikika la wina.

Momwe mungachitire

• Dzikumbutseni kuti simuli ndi udindo pa thanzi lake la maganizo
• Mulimbikitseni kuti apeze thandizo la akatswiri ngati akuvutika
• Phatikizanipo wamkulu wodalirika, bwenzi, kapena phungu ngati mukuona kuti mulibe chitetezo
• Dziwani kuti kusokoneza maganizo ndi njira yachinyengo

14. (Iye) amadana nazo mukamanena zam'mbuyo

Zakale zanu ndi gawo la nkhani yanu, osati zobisika. Ngati akwiya kapena osatetezeka mukamalankhula za anthu akale, maubwenzi akale, kapena zolakwa zakale, sizimamveka. Ndi kukhala ndi zinthu komanso kuyesa kulembanso nkhani yanu.

Momwe mungachitire

• Nenani kuti zomwe munakumana nazo m'mbuyomu ndizabwino komanso zofunika
• Pewani kuchepetsa moyo wanu kuti mupewe mikangano
• Fotokozani kuti kukhulupirirana kumaphatikizapo kulemekeza mbiri yanu
• Mukumbutseni kuti zakale zanu zidakuthandizani kuti mukhale ndani

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15. Amakupangitsani kumva ngati muli ndi ngongole kwa iye

Chikondi si ntchito. Ngati apitiliza kukufotokozerani zonse zomwe wakuchitirani monga zokomera, mphatso, kapena chithandizo, ngati njira yoti mulakwitse kuti mukhalebe kapena kumukonda, ndiko kukakamiza. Chikondi chenicheni sichisunga malisiti.

Momwe mungachitire

• Dziwani kuti chikondi sichiyenera kubwera ndi zingwe
• Kankhirani mmbuyo modekha pamene wina akugwiritsa ntchito liwongo kufuna chikondi
• Khalani malire amalingaliro mozungulira momwe mukumvera
• Zindikirani pamene kupereka kumamveka ngati udindo osati kusankha

Ibibazo

Maganizo Final

Ngati nthawi zonse mukuyenda pazipolopolo za mazira, mukudziganizira nokha, kapena mukumva kuti muli pachibwenzi, musachichotse ngati chikondi champhamvu. Zizindikiro zomwe mnyamata amakukondani molakwika zimatha kuyamba pang'ono - koma pakapita nthawi, zimasokoneza malingaliro anu otetezeka komanso odzidalira.
Chikondi chabwino chimakupatsani mwayi wokula. Kutengeka mtima kumangofuna kudya. Khulupirirani mwachidziwitso chanu, ikani malire, ndipo kumbukirani: simuyenera kukhala ndi ngongole kwa wina aliyense chifukwa akuti amasamala.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.