Zizindikiro 21 Zosawoneka Kuti Simumakondana kwenikweni ndi Okondedwa Anu

Nthawi zambiri chikondi chimaganiziridwa kuti ndi zinthu zazikulu, zokoka moto, ndi chilakolako chosatha. Komabe, zoona zake n’zakuti, chikondi chingakhale chosaoneka bwino, chabata, ndiponso chozikidwa mozama m’maganizo. M’kupita kwa nthawi, mungayambe kuona zinthu zokhudza ubwenzi wanu zimene zimakupangitsani kukayikira ngati mulidi m’chikondi kapena mukungokhalira kuchita zinthu zina. Ngati mumadzifunsa kuti, "Kodi ndimamukondabe?" kapena kudzifunsa kuti, “Kodi ndine wokondwadi muubwenzi wanga?” Takubweretserani zizindikiro zoti simukukondani kuti zikuthandizeni kupeza yankho. Kuti timvetsetse bwino izi, tidalankhula ndi dokotala wamisala waku California komanso katswiri wodziwa zamakhalidwe, Dr. Shefali Batra (MD in psychiatry), yemwe amagwira ntchito yopereka upangiri wa kupatukana ndi kusudzulana, kutha kwa chibwenzi ndi chibwenzi, komanso zovuta zofananira musanalowe m'banja.

Zizindikiro 21 Kuti Simukukondana Ndi Bwenzi Lanu

Chikondi nthawi zina chimakhala chovuta kulongosola, ndipo pakapita nthawi, malingaliro amatha kusintha, nthawi zina popanda ife kuzindikira. Zomwe zimayamba ngati kukhudzika kapena kulumikizana kwakuya kumatha kusintha kukhala kukhutira kapena mtunda wamalingaliro. Kuzindikira masinthidwe obisika awa ndikofunikira kuti mumvetsetse komwe muli muubwenzi wanu. Ndikosavuta kunyalanyaza zizindikiro zing'onozing'ono zomwe zimasonyeza kuti chinachake chachoka, makamaka pamene mwatanganidwa ndi zochitika za tsiku ndi tsiku. Koma ngati mwayamba kumverera kuti simukugwirizana kapena simukudziwa za mnzanuyo, ingakhale nthawi yoganizira zifukwa zazikulu. M'munsimu muli zizindikiro 21 zomwe zingakuthandizeni kuzindikira ngati muli m'chikondi chenicheni, kapena ngati maganizo anu asintha kukhala chinachake.

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1. Mumamasuka akakhala kutali

Inde, nthaŵi yotalikirana muubwenzi iyenera kukhala yotsitsimula, koma siyenera kukhala ngati mtolo wachotsedwa. Ngati, pamene wokondedwa wanu ali kutali, mukumva kuti muli ndi mpumulo kapena ufulu m'malo mowasowa, izi zikhoza kusonyeza kusokonezeka maganizo. Dr. Batra ananenanso kuti: “Kufunika kukhala ndi malo aumwini n’chinthu chimodzi, koma ngati kusapezeka kwawo kumakupangitsani kumva kukhala wopepuka kapena wopanda cholemetsa, ndi chizindikiro chakuti chinachake chingakhale chosokonekera m’maganizo mwanu.” Kugawana chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zomwe simuli m'chikondi kwenikweni, izi Reddit wosuta akuti, “Mumayamba kuyembekezera kuti iwo asakhale pafupi kuti muchite zomwe mukufuna.”

2. Kukambitsirana kumamveka ngati kokakamizika kapena kokulirakulira

Kulankhulana ndiye msana wa ubale uliwonse watanthauzo. Ngati mupeza kuti kukambirana ndi kokakamizika kapena kumaona ngati ntchito yotopetsa, m'malo mokambirana mozama komanso mogwira mtima, zingasonyeze kuti mwataya ubwenzi. Kukambitsirana kofunikira kuyenera kuyenda mwachilengedwe, koma ngati chilichonse chikuwoneka ngati chapamwamba kapena choloboti, zitha kukhala chizindikiro chakutalikirana. Zizindikiro zina zomwe zokambirana zanu zilibe kuzama ndi:

• Simukugawananso zambiri zanu kapena malingaliro anu
• Mumapewa kukambirana zakukhosi kapena nkhani zofunika
• Kalankhulidwe kakang'ono kamamva ngati udindo osati kuyanjana kwachibadwa

Monga chonchi Reddit wosuta anauzidwa za zizindikiro zoti simuli m’chikondi kwenikweni, “Kutaya mtima wofuna kugawana ndi kulankhulana.

3. Mumamva kuthedwa nzeru mukakhala nawo

M'malo momva kuti wachangidwa komanso wosangalala mukamacheza, nthawi zambiri mumatopa. Chikondi chiyenera kukupatsani lingaliro la chichirikizo chamalingaliro ndi bwenzi, osati kukusiyani kukhala wotopa kapena wothedwa nzeru. Zina mwa zizindikiro za kutopa kwamalingaliro muubwenzi ndi:

• Mumatopa m’maganizo ndi m’thupi mukamacheza nawo.
• Kukambitsirana ndi kuyanjana kumakhala kotopetsa m'malo mokwaniritsa.
• Mumamva ngati mukufunikira nthawi kuti muchiritse mutawawona.

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4. Nthawi zambiri mumangoganizira za moyo wina

Kungoganizira za kukhala wosakwatiwa kapena kuyerekezera moyo ndi munthu wina nthawi zina n’kwachibadwa. Komabe, ngati nthawi zambiri mumaganiza za moyo wopanda mnzanu, zitha kuwonetsa kuti simulinso m'chikondi. Kuthawira kuzinthu zina nthawi zonse kumasonyeza kusakhutira ndi kusagwirizana ndi munthu amene muli naye. Zitsanzo zina za gulu loyendetsedwa ndi zongopeka ndi izi:

• Kuwona momwe moyo wanu ungakhalire popanda wokondedwa wanu
• Kulota za kukhala ndi munthu wina kapena mnzanu "wabwino".
• Kupeza mpumulo poganiza zothetsa chibwenzi osati chisoni

5. Chikondi chakuthupi chimamva ngati kuyenera

Kugwirana mwakuthupi ndi njira imodzi yofunika kwambiri yodzimva kuti uli paubwenzi. Dr. Batra anati: “Chikondi chikakhala ngati “muyenera” kuchita chinachake osati chimene mukufunadi, chimasonyeza kutalikirana kwanu.” Chifukwa chake, zitha kukhala chizindikiro cha chikondi chomwe chikuzirala Ngati ubwenzi wapamtima monga kupsompsona, kukumbatirana, ngakhale kugwirana chanza kumamva ngati chintchito chovuta m’malo mosonyeza chikondi.

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6. Mumasangalala kwambiri ndi za anthu ena

Mungayambe kuzindikira kuti “Sindine wokondwa muubwenzi umenewu,” pamene mumakonda kusirira kapena kuchitira nsanje maanja ena. Ngati mukusangalala kwambiri ndi moyo wachikondi wa ena kapena mukukhumba mutakhala ndi zomwe ali nazo, zingasonyeze kusakhutira. Chikondi chenicheni chiyenera kukupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu okhutitsidwa, ndipo ngati mumakonda kwambiri moyo wa chikondi cha anthu ena, ndi nthawi yoti muganizire nokha.

7. Mumapewa kukambirana za tsogolo limodzi

Kukonzekera tsogolo limodzi ndi gawo lachilengedwe la a ubale wachikondi. Ngati mumapewa kukambirana za mapulani a nthawi yayitali, kapena ngati lingaliro la tsogolo logawana limakupangitsani kukhala wosakhazikika, ndi chizindikiro chachikulu kuti mtima wanu mulibemo. Kaŵirikaŵiri chikondi chimatisonkhezera kulingalira za moyo wa limodzi, koma pamene tsogolo limenelo likuona kukhala thayo lalikulu koposa zotheka kosangalatsa, m’pofunika kulingalira mmene mukumvera. Zina zomwe mungapewe kukambirana ndi izi:

• Ukwati kapena kudzipereka kwa nthawi yaitali
• Kukhala pamodzi kapena kusintha kwakukulu kwa moyo
• Zolinga zogawana zandalama kapena ntchito

8. Mumaika china chilichonse patsogolo pawo

Muubwenzi wodzadza ndi chikondi, bwenzi lanu ndi gawo lofunikira lazofunikira zanu. Ngati ntchito, abwenzi, kapena zokonda nthawi zonse zimayikidwa pamwamba pawo, zitha kuwonetsa kusakhazikika kwamalingaliro. Ngakhale kuli kofunika kukhala ndi zokonda zanu, kunyalanyaza mnzanuyo nthawi zonse kungasonyeze kuti ubwenziwo sulinso patsogolo panu.

9. Simukumva kukhala otetezeka kukhala pachiwopsezo

Chikondi chimalimbikitsa kukhulupirirana ndi kumasuka. Ngati mukuona kuti simukufuna kugawana malingaliro anu, malingaliro anu, kapena kusatetezeka kwanu ndi wokondedwa wanu, izi zikhoza kukhala chizindikiro cha kusokonezeka maganizo. Kusatetezeka kumapangitsa kuti pakhale ubale wozama, ndipo ngati mukuwopa kutsegula, zitha kuwonetsa kuti wanu kulumikizana kwamaganizidwe sichili champhamvu monga chinalili kale.

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10. Simuwateteza kapena ubale wanu

Mu ubale wachikondi, pali kukhulupirika komwe kumakukakamizani kuti muyimire okondedwa anu ndi ubale wanu. Ngati mumadziona kuti ndinu osayanjanitsika pamene ena amawatsutsa kapena ubale wanu, zikhoza kutanthauza kuti ndalama zanu zamaganizo zikuchepa. Chikondi chimatipangitsa kufuna kuteteza ndi kulimbikitsa ubale wathu, koma kusayanjanitsika kumatha kuwonetsa kuti kulumikizana kwanu kwafooka.

Sarah, pulofesa wazaka 32, anatiuza kuti: “M’mbuyomu, anzanga akamaseka Jake, ndinkafunitsitsa kuwateteza komanso kumuteteza.” Koma posachedwapa ndimangowanyoza kapena kuvomerezana nawo mobisa nthawi zina.

11. Mumamva ngati anzanu kuposa okonda

Ubwenzi wolimba ndi maziko ofunika kwambiri pa chilichonse chibwenzi, koma ngati mumadzimva kukhala mabwenzi kuposa okondana, pangakhale nkhani yakuya. Chikondi chimaphatikizapo ponse paŵiri m’maganizo ndi mwakuthupi. Ngati chikondi chatha ndipo kugwirizana kwanu kumamveka ngati platonic, zikhoza kukhala chimodzi mwazizindikiro zomwe simunakondepo ndipo ngati mukanakhala, kumverera kulibenso.

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12. Mumabisa umunthu wanu weniweni

Muubwenzi wachikondi, muyenera kukhala omasuka kufotokoza zomwe zili zenizeni. Ngati mumadzigwira nthawi zonse kapena kusefa malingaliro anu, malingaliro anu, kapena zochita zanu mozungulira mnzanu, zingasonyeze kuti simumasuka kukhala nawo pachiopsezo. Chikondi chikakhala champhamvu, mumamva kuti ndinu otetezeka komanso ovomerezeka monga momwe mulili.

13. Ndinu wotsutsa kuposa wachifundo

Kudzudzula kolimbikitsa ndi gawo la ubale uliwonse, koma ngati mukupeza kuti mukudzudzula mopambanitsa kapena kukwiyitsidwa kuposa kuyamika, zitha kukhala chizindikiro kuti simulinso. olumikizidwa mwamalingaliro. Dr. Batra anati: “Chikondi chimafuna kumvetsa bwino komanso kuchitira chifundo, koma kupsa mtima kosalekeza kungasonyeze kuti mumangoganizira kwambiri zophophonya za mnzanuyo osati makhalidwe abwino a mnzanuyo.”

14. Simukumva ngati mukugwirira ntchito limodzi

Chikondi chimapanga mgwirizano pomwe onse amathandizira ndikugwira ntchito limodzi ngati gulu. Ngati mukumva ngati mukuyendetsa moyo nokha, ngakhale muli pachibwenzi, pangakhale kusagwirizana. Chikondi chimalimbikitsa kulimbikitsana, choncho, mukasiya kukondana, mungayambe kumva ngati simuli limodzi.

15. Chimwemwe chawo chimakhala ngati cholemetsa

M'chikondi, mwachibadwa mumasamala za chisangalalo ndi moyo wa mnzanu. Ngati mukumva kulemedwa ndi zosowa zawo kapena malingaliro awo, chikhoza kukhala chizindikiro simuli m'chikondi. Pamene mukonda munthu, chimwemwe chake chimakubweretserani chimwemwe, koma ngati chimwemwe chake chikuwoneka ngati udindo m’malo mokhala ndi cholinga chogawana, zimasonyeza kuti ubwenzi wapamtima watha.

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16. Kupambana kwawo sikumakusangalatsani

M'chikondi, kupambana kwa mnzanuyo kuyenera kukhala ngati kupambana komwe mudagawana. Ngati mulibe chidwi kapenanso kuipidwa ndi zomwe akwaniritsa, izi zitha kuwonetsa kusowa kwamalingaliro. Chikondi chiyenera kukusonkhezerani kusangalala ndi zimene achita, koma ngati simukumva kalikonse kapena kukhumudwitsidwa, zimasonyeza kuti chikondi chanu chikufooka.

17. Palibe chikhumbo chokulira pamodzi

Chikondi chimalimbikitsa kukula kwaumwini komanso kukula mu mgwirizano. Ngati mulibe chidwi chosinthira limodzi ngati banja, zitha kuwonetsa kuti kulumikizana kulibe. Kukula ndi chikhalidwe chachibadwa cha chikondi, ndipo popanda icho, ubalewo ukhoza kukhazikika, kukupangitsani kukayikira ngati mudakali m'chikondi chenicheni.

18. Mumamva kutalikirana kwamalingaliro

Liti muli m'chikondi, kuyandikana kwamaganizo kuyenera kubwera mwachibadwa. Ngati muwona khoma losaoneka pakati pa inu ndi mnzanu lomwe silikuwoneka kuti likutsika, ngakhale panthawi yapamtima, kungakhale chizindikiro cha kusagwirizana m'maganizo. Kutalikirana kumeneku kungakupangitseni kudzimva kukhala osungulumwa, ngakhale kuti muli pafupi, ndipo ndi chizindikiro chodziwikiratu cha kusagwirizana kwamalingaliro.

19. Mumapewa zokambirana zovuta

Chikondi sikutanthauza kupeŵa mikangano, koma chimaphatikizapo kuthetsa mikangano pamodzi. Ngati mukupeza kuti mukupewa nkhani zovuta kapena nkhani zomwe zikukulirakulira m'malo mozithetsa, zingakupangitseni kuti simunadziperekenso pachibwenzi. Zokambirana zovuta ndizofunikira kuti mukule, ndipo kuzipewa kungatanthauze kuti ndinu otero kugwa mchikondi.

20. Mumakhala chifukwa cha zolakwa, chitonthozo, kapena mantha

Ngati mukukhala pachibwenzi chifukwa chodziimba mlandu, kuopa kukhala nokha, kapena chifukwa chongomasuka, si vuto. chizindikiro cha chikondi. Dr. Batra anati: “Chikondi ndicho chiyenera kukhala chisonkhezero, osati kukakamiza.

Mike anatiuza kuti, "Titatha zaka zisanu tili limodzi, ndinadzipeza ndekha ndikukayikira ubale wanga ndi Tara. Panalibe chisangalalo kapena kugwirizana kwakukulu ndipo ndinazindikira kuti sindinali wokondwa muubwenzi wanga, koma lingaliro loyambiranso linkawoneka ngati lotopetsa. Choncho, ndinakhala chaka china - chifukwa cha chizolowezi, m'malo mokondana - ndisanathe.

21. M'matumbo anu amakuuzani kuti chinachake chatha

Pansi pamtima, nthawi zambiri timadziwa pamene chinachake sichili bwino. Ngati mumadzikayikira nthaŵi zonse kapena mukuona kuti chinachake chikusoweka, khulupirirani mawuwo. Zimakuuzani kuti kugwirizana kwanu m'maganizo ndi mnzanuyo mwina kwasintha. Ngati mukufunsa, "Kodi ndimamukondabe?" Ndikoyenera kupeza nthawi yofufuza chifukwa chake malingaliro anu asintha.

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Mwaukadaulo, inde—koma pamtengo wotani? Ubale wopanda chikondi ukhoza kupitilira pamwamba, makamaka ngati mumagawana maudindo, mbiri, kapena kulemekezana. Komabe, kupulumuka sikufanana ndi kukhala wopambana. Izi ndi zomwe Dr. Batra akunena. “M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, kupanda chikondi chenicheni kungayambitse kuipidwa, kusungulumwa, ndi kufowoketsedwa.” Chikondi chikasoŵa, ubwenziwo ungakhale wolemetsa kuposa magwero a chimwemwe. Chikondi chiyenera kukupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu wolumikizidwa, wofunika, komanso wolimbikitsidwa kuti mupitilize kukula ndi wokondedwa wanu. Ngati chikondi palibe, muyenera kudzifunsa kuti: Kodi mukukhala chifukwa mukufuna, kapena chifukwa choopa kugwa? 

izi Reddit wosuta amagawana chokumana nacho chofananacho, kufotokoza momwe mumamvera pamene mukudziwa kuti china chake sichili bwino koma osazindikira.

Zoyenera Kuchita Ngati Simukukondana Ndi Wokondedwa Wanu

Kuzindikira kuti simukukondana ndi mnzanuyo kumakhala kovuta kwambiri. Musanalankhule ndi bwenzi lanu, chinthu choyamba ndikudzidalira nokha. Kuvomereza malingaliro anu popanda kuweruza ndiye mfungulo yomvekera bwino. Ngati mukukayikira ngati mumakondabe wokondedwa wanu, ndi nthawi yolankhulana momasuka komanso moona mtima. Muyenera kufotokoza zakukhosi kwanu ndi chifundo ndi kukambirana pamene zinthu zalakwika. Kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri, monga maanja mankhwala, angapereke malo oti athetsere malingaliro anu komanso ngati ubalewo ndi wokhoza kupulumutsidwa.

1. Dziwani mmene mukumvera

Gawo loyamba la machiritso kapena kumveka bwino ndikudzidalira nokha. Nthawi zambiri, timapewa kukumana ndi zovuta, koma kukana malingaliro anu enieni kumangokulitsa nkhaniyo. Ngati mukunena kuti, "Sindine wokondwa muubwenzi wanga," ndikofunikira kufufuza chifukwa chake. Ndi:

• Kusalankhulana
• Kutalikirana maganizo
• Kapena zosowa zosakwanira? 

Dr. Batra analangiza kuti: “Pezani nthaŵi yofufuza mozama ndi kumvetsa chimene chikukuchititsani kusasangalala.” Kulemba kapena kulankhula ndi mnzanu wodalirika kungakuthandizeni kumveketsa bwino maganizo anu. Kumbukirani, kuvomereza malingaliro anu si kufooka—ndiko mbali yofunika kwambiri ya kudzisamalira.

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2. Lankhulani moona mtima

Mukangovomereza zakukhosi kwanu, ndi nthawi yogawana ndi mnzanuyo. Kulankhulana moona mtima, ngakhale kuli kovuta, n’kofunika kuti tipite patsogolo. Wokondedwa wanu ayenera kudziwa pamene mukuyima, ngakhale kukambirana kungakhale kovuta. Ndikofunikira kuti fotokozani zakukhosi kwanu popanda kuwaimba mlandu koma kulankhula za zomwe zakuchitikirani ndi momwe mukumvera. Kuwona mtima kumeneku kumakupatsani mwayi woti nonse muganizire za ubalewu. Ngakhale kuti kukambitsirana kumeneku kungakhale kovuta, kumatsegula chitseko cha kumvetsetsa ndipo kungathandize kumveketsa bwino ngati unansiwo ukhoza kutha. Kulankhulana moona mtima kumayala maziko a kukonza kapena kutseka.

3. Funsani thandizo la akatswiri

Ngati muwona kuti zovuta zomwe zili muubwenzi wanu zimakhala zovuta kwambiri kapena zovuta kuzithetsa nokha, kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri kungakhale chisankho choyenera. Dr. Batra akufotokoza kuti, "Mlangizi kapena wothandizira angapereke malo osalowerera kuti afufuze malingaliro anu popanda kuweruza. Iwo akhoza kukutsogolerani inu ndi wokondedwa wanu pamakambirano ovuta, kukuthandizani nonse kumvetsetsa maganizo a wina ndi mzake." 

Ochiritsa, monga Gulu la akatswiri a Bonobology, angaperekenso zida ndi njira zothandizira kulankhulana, kugwirizanitsa maganizo, ndi kuthetsa mavuto. Kaya mukuyang'ana kukonza ubale kapena kudziwa ngati ili nthawi yoti musiye, katswiri akhoza kukupatsani chitsogozo chomwe mukufuna kuti mupange zisankho mwanzeru.

4. Ganizirani za tsogolo lanu

Tengani nthawi yoganizira zomwe mukufunadi kuchokera paubwenzi ndi moyo wanu kupita patsogolo. Dzifunseni mafunso monga, 

• "Kodi ndimamukondabe?" 
• “Kodi ndakwaniritsidwadi apa?” 
• Kodi ndimamuwona m'tsogolo momwe ndimaganizira?

Kutenga kamphindi kuti muganizire zolinga zanu ndi zokhumba zanu kudzakuthandizani kumvetsetsa ngati kukhalabe paubwenzi kumagwirizana ndi kukwaniritsidwa kwanu kapena ngati nthawi yoti muyambe kuika patsogolo ubwino wanu.

5. Chitanipo kanthu

Mukangowonetsa ndikulumikizana, ndi nthawi yoti muchitepo kanthu. Ngati mukuona kuti ubwenziwo ndi wofunika kuuthetsa, m’pofunika kuyesetsa. Komabe, ngati mutaganizira mozama ndi kulankhulana, muzindikira kuti ubalewo sukukwaniritsa zosowa zanu ndipo zoyesayesa zowutsitsimutsa sizinagwire ntchito, ingakhale nthawi yosiyana. Kuthetsa ubale sikophweka, koma kuchita zimenezi ndi kulemekezana kumapereka mwayi kwa onse awiri kuti achire ndikupita patsogolo, kuwonetsetsa kuti nonse mungathe kupeza chisangalalo ndi kukwaniritsidwa komwe mukuyenera.

Ibibazo 

Maganizo Final

Chikondi chimaposa kungomva; ndi njira yosalekeza yomwe imaphatikizapo kukhulupirirana, kulemekezana, ndi kuyesetsana. Ngati mukuwona zizindikiro kuti simuli m'chikondi kwenikweni kapena kukayikira ngati mwasiya chikondi, musanyalanyaze malingaliro awa. M'malo mwake, khalani ndi nthawi yolingalira, kulankhulana, ndi kupempha thandizo ngati kuli kofunikira. Unansi wokhutiritsa uyenera kubweretsa chisangalalo, osati chitonthozo chokha. Dzikhulupirireni nokha kuti mupange chisankho choyenera, kaya ndikuyambitsa chibwenzi kapena kupita patsogolo.

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.