Momwe Mungakonzere Ubale Wapoizoni - Njira 5 Zabwino Kwambiri

Tili ndi mabuku onena za ukwati ndi chikondi kutipatsa nkhani ya momwe zinthu ziyenera kukhalira. Koma zikafika pakuchita zenizeni zenizeni za ubale weniweni, nthawi zambiri timadzipeza kuti tatayika. Zinthu zikayamba kusokonekera, munthu sadziwa momwe angakonzere ubale wapoizoni.

Koma tikutanthauza chiyani ndi mawu amenewa? Ubale wapoizoni ndi womwe umapanga nkhanza za m'maganizo ngakhalenso zakuthupi zomwe anthu ambiri amapirira moyo wawo wonse. Ndikofunika kudziwa kuti siziyenera kukhala choncho. Mutha kusankha upangiri wotsika mtengo ndikuphunzira kuchiritsa ndikuyenda njira yabwinoko. Maubwenzi ali ngati ntchito yoyesera-ndi-zolakwika kwa moyo wonse, ndipo ngati muli ngati anthu wamba, ndiye kuti nanunso mungakhale mukulakwitsa zinthu zingapo.

Tonsefe timalambira lingaliro lotchuka la chikondi chachikondi ndipo pali vuto. Ndizovuta chifukwa lingaliro lodziwika la 'chikondi chachikondi' limabwera ndi zizolowezi zambiri zosayenera za ubale zomwe zidakhazikika mwa ife. Inu simukuzindikira izo koma iwo normalized kumlingo wowononga.

Tikulankhula za zonsezi ndi zina zambiri ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Gopa Khan (Master's mu Counseling Psychology, M.Ed), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu waukwati ndi mabanja. Ali pano kuti akuunikireni mbali zambirimbiri za maubwenzi oipa komanso njira zomwe mungachiritsire ku mavutowa.

Kodi Ubale Wa Toxic N'chiyani?

Mukudziwa kuti chikondi chopanda nzeru chomwe tinauzidwa kuti ndi chabwino komanso chosangalatsa? Mtundu wa chikondi chimene chimatipangitsa ife kuthyola vase mu khoma ndi misozi yaukali; zomwe zikunena kuti palibe vuto kumunyengerera mnzanuyo chifukwa sakugwirizana ndi lingaliro lanu la chabwino. Gawo loyamba la machiritso ku ubale wapoizoni ndikuchotsa lingaliroli lonse.

Gopa akufotokoza kuti, “Timakonda chilichonse. Nsanje, mkwiyo, kunyoza, masewero odzudzula…koma izi nthawi zonse zimawononga ubale. Palibe njira ziwiri zochitira izi. Mphamvu ya nkhanza ingakhale yovuta kumvetsa pazochitika zina, koma ndi udindo wanu kuzizindikira ndi kuzithetsa.”

Chifukwa cha ukalamba wotero, nthawi zambiri, timakonda kuchita zinthu zonyansa muubwenzi poganiza kuti ndi zabwinobwino kapena zachikondi. M'malo mwake, izi zitha kupha mgwirizano pang'onopang'ono. Chifukwa cha kaganizidwe kozikika kumeneku, munthu amaiwalatu makhalidwe abwino a unansi wabwino.

Kuti tifotokoze ubale wapoizoni, tiyenera kufotokozera ubale wabwino poyamba. Mu ubale wabwino, pali kugawana ndi kusamalana, komanso kukhala ndi moyo wabwino ndi chisangalalo pazochita za mnzake. Pali kulankhulana pamlingo wofanana, kumvetsetsa ndi kufunitsitsa kuthana ndi kusamvana mwamtendere. Mumakula bwino muubwenzi wabwino ndikukhala ndi malingaliro abwino. Koma mu ubale wapoizoni? Tiyeni tiwone zizindikiro ...

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Zizindikiro za Ubale Wapoizoni

Gopa akuti, "Nkhanza zimayimira ubale woopsa. Pali mitundu yambiri ya nkhanza; yomwe imawonekera kwambiri ndi nkhanza zapakhomo/zakuthupi. Mulinso ndi nkhanza zamaganizo kapena zamaganizo zomwe zimakhala zovuta kuzizindikira. Mitundu ina ya maubwenzi owopsa imayamba munthu akamacheza ndi munthu wokonda chizolowezi. Nthawi zonse, muli ndi zizindikiro zingapo zosonyeza kuti ndi chizindikiro cha ubale woopsa ."

Nazi zizindikiro 5 za ubale wapoizoni zomwe zingakuthandizeni kusanthula bwino momwe zinthu zilili. Chimodzi kapena zingapo zitha kugwiritsidwa ntchito muubwenzi wanu:

• Nkhanza kapena mwamawu: Izi zimachitika ndi mnzake kuti akhazikitse ulamuliro ndi mphamvu. Pali kugwiritsa ntchito nkhanza kuti munthu apeze njira yake pazochitika. Ndewu ndi mikangano nthawi zambiri zimakula ndipo zimadzetsa kuvulaza m'thupi kwa m'modzi.
• Kupanda malire: Kuperewera kwa malire a ubale wabwino omwe ndi ofunikira kuti moyo ukhale wabwino pakati pa anthu awiri.
• kuyatsa gasi: Kusokoneza mnzanu kuti asokoneze zomwe akumana nazo kapena momwe akumvera. Izi zimadziwika kuti 'kupalamula' kapena 'kusamvera chisoni.'
• Khalidwe lolamulira: Nkhani zowongolera kwambiri zomwe zimawonekera mu mawonekedwe a nsanje. Wokondedwa wina amaika malire kwa wina m'madera osiyanasiyana a moyo.
• Zokonda za Narcissistic: Narcissism mwa m'modzi kapena onse awiri, zomwe zimapangitsa kulumikizana kosazama komanso / kapena kumayambitsa mikangano nthawi zonse.
• Kupanda kukambirana momasuka: A kusowa kwa kulumikizana mu ubale chifukwa cha zisudzo zoyendetsedwa ndi ego.

Kodi Maubwenzi Apoizoni Angachiritsidwe?

Chilichonse ndi chotheka pansi pano. Ndipo kuchiritsa ku ubale wapoizoni ndi kotheka. Phirili ndi lamwala kuti likwere ndipo onse awiri amayenera kugwira ntchito zambiri. Kawirikawiri, mmodzi kuposa mzake.

Monga momwe Gopa akufotokozera, "Popeza timayambitsa nkhanza, nthawi zambiri munthu mmodzi ndi amene amavutika chifukwa cha mnzake. Munthu amene akumva ululu amasankha kukwera ndikupempha thandizo kapena kuchira. Zikatero, mukhoza kuchira ngati mwamuna kapena mkazi kapena mnzanu wapoizoni ali wokonzeka kuyankha zochita zawo. Ngati pali kuzindikira kuti zinthu sizikuyenda bwino, ndiye kuti kupulumuka ndi kotheka."

Kotero, tili ndi gawo lathu loyamba: Kuzindikira vutoli. Lachiwiri ndikuchirikiza kuzindikira kwa chidziwitso ndi zochita. Chithandizo cha okwatirana ndi khama la munthu payekha zingakuthandizeni inu ndi mnzanu kuchira ku maubwenzi oipa . Monga momwe Art Williams ananenera mwanzeru, "Sindikukuuzani kuti zikhala zosavuta - ndikukuuzani kuti zikhala zopindulitsa."

Pali njira zingapo (ziyang'aneni ngati upangiri wapoizoni waubwenzi) zomwe zingakuthandizeni panjira. Zikhazikitseni m'moyo wanu ndi thandizo la akatswiri kapena paokha. Ndikukhulupirira kuti ndi zomwe mukufuna.

Njira 5 Zothetsera Ubale Wapoizoni

Nthawi zina onse awiri amayamba kuchita zinthu zomwe zimawapangitsa kukhala owopsa pachibwenzi. Iwo amatha kukhala aukali kwa wina ndi mzake, kubweretsa nkhani zakale mu ndewu ndi kuyesera kuti akwaniritse ulamuliro mu ubalewo pofunafuna kubwezera pa mpata wochepa. Nazi zizindikiro 5 zapamwamba kwambiri zaubwenzi woyipa zomwe muyenera kuzipewa zivute zitani:

1. Kodi mungayambe bwanji kuchira ku ubale wapoizoni? Lekani kusunga chigoli

Chabwino, kotero anachita ngati chitsiru chopanda chidwi pa phwando la kubadwa kwa mnzanu zaka zitatu zapitazo, koma kodi chinali chochitika chachikulu kwambiri moti muyenera kumukumbutsa sabata iliyonse? Mwina anakumana ndi chimodzi mwa zokambirana zanu pa intaneti zomwe zimasonyeza zizindikiro zobisika za kukopana . Ali ndi manyazi nanunso.

Mukuwona vuto? Kusunga zigoli mu maubale kumapangitsa mkangano uliwonse kukhala nkhondo yomwe mumayesa kupambana pofufuza zolakwa zakale. Ngati mukuyesera kupeza momwe mungakonzere ubale wapoizoni, thetsani chizoloŵezi chopanda nzeru ichi. Yesani kuwerengera zazing'ono izi kuti mugwire ntchito yofunika kwambiri yomwe kulumikizana kumafuna.

"Malire ndi maziko a ulemu; ikani, kuwalemekeza, ndikuwona ubalewo ukusintha."

Kuti mupewe kawopsedwe, bwererani m'mbuyo

Nazi njira zingapo zopewera kukangana ndi mnzanu. Kusunga zigoli ndi chizolowezi choipa kwambiri; chingapewedwe mwa kusamala pang'ono kuchokera kumbali yanu.

• Bwererani mmbuyo: Munthu mmodzi ayenera kuchita zinthu mwanzeru. Ngati mnzanuyo akupanga zigawenga kapena akusimba zochitika zakale, pewani kugwera mumsampha. Kupuma pang'ono pang'ono ndi mtunda wina kungathe kuchita zodabwitsa.
• Ganiziraninso zapano: Tembenuzirani chidwi cha mnzanu pa zinthu zina. Munthu akamasunga zigoli, amayang'ana kwambiri zakale. Abweretseni chidwi cha mnzanu pa nkhani yomwe ili pafupi.
• Lekani kubweretsa nkhani zakale: Ngakhale kuti ziwopsezozo zingamveke m'maganizo mwanu, sizofunikira komanso zopanda chilungamo.

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2. Lekani kusokoneza maganizo - Malangizo pa ubale wapoizoni

Kodi zizindikiro zina za ubale wapoizoni ndi ziti? Kusokoneza maganizo ndi vuto lalikulu. Komanso yoopsa. Ngati ndinu munthu amene amakonda kuyang'ana vuto lililonse laubwenzi ngati vuto lodzipereka ndikubweretsa sewero losafunikira, ndiye kuti muyenera kuyang'ana bwino zomwe mukuchita kwa mnzanuyo.

Sindikunena kuti musalankhule maganizo oipa kapena zodetsa nkhawa kwa iwo, koma musayambe kusokoneza maganizo ngati kutsutsana ndi kutsutsa ndi kudandaula kulikonse. Fotokozani moona mtima chifukwa chimene mwakwiyira, koma chitani zimenezo popanda chiweruzo ndi ziwopsezo.

Gopa akunena za mbali yoyipa ya kuopseza mnzanu, "Kuopseza mnzanu si njira yothetsera mavuto ndipo nthawi zonse ndi chizindikiro cha katundu wanu wamaganizo. Zimasonyezanso chikhumbo chofuna kulamulira zinthu mopanda thanzi. Ziganizo zomwe zimati - ngati simuchita xyz, ndichita abc , sizinathandizepo aliyense. Inunso ndinu osiyana."

Kodi mungasiye bwanji kukhumudwitsa wokondedwa wanu?

Kuyankha pakuyatsa gasi kapena kuwongolera nthawi zonse kumakhala kovutirapo kuyenda. Koma pali zinthu zingapo zomwe zingathandize:

• Osamuwongolera mnzanu: Sichilungamitso kuletsa malingaliro ndi ufulu wa wokondedwa wanu powauza nthawi zonse momwe mwakhumudwitsidwa chifukwa cha zomwe adachita. Mvetserani bwino lomwe zotsatira za zochita zanu.
• Ganizirani mozama: Komano, ngati inuyo ndi amene mukuchitiridwa chipongwe, musamachite zinthu mwachinyengo ndi mnzanuyo. Kasanu ndi kamodzi mwa khumi, kunyengerera kumawonedwa ngati chikondi.
• Lankhulani momveka bwino: Nthawi zonse pamakhala chizoloŵezi chachinyengo chamalingaliro chomwe muyenera kudziwa. Lankhulani ndi chitsanzo ichi ndi kukambirana momasuka. Mutha kupezanso thandizo la akatswiri ngati njira yochitirapo kanthu.

3. Lekani kukhala ndi udindo kwa wokondedwa wanu pamalingaliro anu

Chifukwa chake, mwakhala ndi tsiku lomvetsa chisoni kuntchito ndipo zonse zomwe mukufuna kuchita ndikubwerera kunyumba ndikukumbatirana ndi mnzanu. Koma apangana ndi anzawo ndipo ananyamuka madzulo. Simunauze mnzanuyo zomwe mukuyembekezera kapena kumva. Komabe, mumaganiza kuti adzawerenga malingaliro anu mwamatsenga ndikukhala achifundo kwambiri kuti akonze malingaliro anu.

Kukonza ubale woopsa kumafuna kuti mudziwe kuti mnzanuyo sali ndi udindo pa momwe mukumvera nthawi zonse, ndipo mosiyana ndi zimenezo. Ndi chitsanzo chabwino kwambiri cha kukhala muubwenzi wodalirana womwe suli ngati banja labwino. Khalani odziyimira pawokha komanso odzidalira.

Khalani ndi malingaliro anu pakukonza ubale wapoizoni

Kodi mungakonze bwanji ubale wapoizoni? Podziwa kuti anthu athanzi amapanga ubale wabwino. Muli ndi udindo pazaumoyo wanu, komanso kuwonjezera, ubale wanu. Nazi zomwe mungachite:

• Introspect: M’malo moimba mlandu mnzanu, dzifunseni kuti n’chifukwa chiyani mukumva choncho. Tengani kuyankha pamalingaliro anu ndi mkhalidwe wanu.
• Khalani wodzidalira: Landirani kuti kudalira wokondedwa wanu pazosowa zanu zonse zamalingaliro ndi chizindikiro cha ubale wapoizoni. Muyenera kulimbana ndi mavuto m’moyo. Anthu akhoza kubwereketsa, koma palibe amene angakumenyereni nkhondo.
• Pezani njira yomasulira: Khalani ndi malingaliro anuanu. Sangalalani ndi masewera olimbitsa thupi, sewerani masewera, ndipo sungani maubwenzi osagwirizana ndi chibwenzi chanu.

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4. Kodi mungakonze ubale wapoizoni? Inde… Lekani kugwirizanitsa nsanje ndi chikondi

Ngati mukuyesera kulungamitsa nsanje yanu ngati chikondi, ndiye kuti mukuwononga kwambiri chibwenzi. Yakwana nthawi yoti muyambe kuchita zinthu ngati munthu wamkulu ndikuzindikira kuti nsanje si yokongola kwenikweni. Gopa akuti, "N'zachibadwa kumva nsanje, koma sikoyenera kumasulira malingaliro amenewo kukhala zochita zolamulira. Nsanje ndi chizindikiro chotsimikizika cha kusadzidalira mu chibwenzi . Simuyenera kuwona kufunika koyang'anira momwe mnzanuyo amachitira zinthu."

Pamene mnzanuyo akulankhula, kumwetulira, kugwirana mopepuka kapenanso kumwetulira munthu wina aliyense yemwe si mwamuna kapena mkazi mnzanu ndipo inuyo mumamukalipira kuti muletse khalidwe lawo, sizikusonyeza kukula kwa chikondi chanu. Zimangokupangani kukhala munthu wamisala yemwe alibe chidaliro chokwanira muubwenzi ndipo amakonda kuitana ndewu zosafunikira kuti awononge theka lina.

"Positivity ndi yopatsirana; tikuchita zing'onozing'ono zachikondi ndi kuyamikira kungayambitsenso kukhulupirirana."

Musalole kuti nsanje iwononge ubale wanu

Nkhani zokhudza kudalirana zimatha kupha ubale womwe umatanthauza dziko kwa inu. Ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa kukula kwa nsanje yoipa komanso mavuto omwe ingayambitse:

• Vomerezani chowonadi: Ngati simungathe kulamulira nsanje yanu, ndiye kuti mukumulamulira mnzanuyo. Ndi bomba laukali la chowonadi, koma chabwino mumavomereza nthawi yomweyo.
• Nsanje ndi poizoni: Wokondedwa wansanje amangokankhira kutali mnzakeyo ndikupangitsa chibwenzi kukhala choyipa. Nsanje imatha kuwoneka ngati yosangalatsa koyambirira, koma imakhala yowopsa kwambiri.
• Gwirani ntchito pazinthu zodalirika izi: Pangani chidaliro ndi chitetezo ndi okondedwa anu. Ngati mukuwona kuti mukufunika thandizo la akatswiri, funsani akatswiri azamisala. Kupulumuka pa ubale wapoizoni ndi nkhani yovuta.

5. Lekani kubweza mavuto a ubale ndi chimwemwe chokonda chuma

Ngati mukuganiza momwe mungakonzere ubale wapoizoni, dziwani kuti kugulitsa malonda si yankho. Ngati mumakonda kukonza ndewu yoyipa pochita zogula kapena kupita limodzi ulendo wokwera mtengo, ndiye kuti muyenera kuyimitsa pompano. M'dziko lenileni, mavuto enieni a ubale sangathe kubwezeredwa ndi zosangalatsa zachiphamaso.

Zoonadi, mphatso yapamwamba kwambiri imatisangalatsa - ngati mphindi 10. Ngati ndi solitaire wamkulu. ndiye mwina ora. Koma ndiye? Kusesa nkhani yeniyeni pansi pa kapeti sikuthetsa vutolo. Kambiranani izo, mmalo mwake. Yang'anani ndi vutolo ndikuyesetsa kukonzanso ubalewo. Bwenzi lanu lapamtima mu dipatimenti iyi adzakhala kulankhulana.

Gopa akufotokoza kuti, “Chinthu choyamba chomwe mlangizi kapena katswiri wa zamaganizo amaona ndi momwe awiriwa amalankhulirana. Chifukwa kulankhulana n’kofunika kwambiri… Mukapulumuka muubwenzi woipa, muyenera kusankha kumvera mnzanu. Kuleza mtima, kuona mtima, ndi chisamaliro chopanda malire ndi zomwe mukufunikira. Mavuto olankhulana ndi vuto lalikulu.”

Yang'anani ndi zovuta zanu

Ntchito yamagulu imapangitsa malotowo kugwira ntchito, malotowo pankhaniyi akuchiritsidwa kuchokera ku ubale wapoizoni. Mphatso ndi njira yothanirana ndi kutengeka mtima mosazama kwambiri. Ndiye mungatani m'malo mwake?

• Perekani ndi kutenga: Lankhulani zakukhosi kwanu ndikuvomereza zomwe wokondedwa wanu akudandaula nazo. Ganizirani za malingaliro awo ndikufotokozera anu mwachidule komanso mopanda chidwi.
• Tsatirani ndi zochita: Onse awiri akuyenera kuwona zomwe zikulakwika muubwenzi ndikukonza njira zawo ndikuyesetsa. (Uwu ndiye upangiri wabwino kwambiri waubwenzi, kunena zoona.)

Kotero ngati mukuganiza kuti mukuchita chimodzi kapena zingapo mwa zinthu zoopsazi muubwenzi wanu, ndi nthawi yoti muyime ndikuwunikanso zinthu zisanafike poyizoni. Kupanga ubale wabwino sikovuta ngati mutadziwiratu zizindikiro ndikugwira ntchito kuti mukhale ndi thanzi labwino kwa inu ndi mnzanuyo.

Yankho la funso lakuti, kodi mungathe kukonza ubale woopsa? ndi INDE. Mabanja angapo apambana kuchokera ku ubale woopsa pofunafuna thandizo la akatswiri. Bonobology ili ndi gulu la akatswiri odziwa bwino ntchito zachipatala ndi alangizi omwe ali pafupi nanu . Tili pano kuti tikuthandizeni.

Malingaliro Omaliza ndi Kuitana Kuchitapo kanthu kwa Ochiritsa

Ubale wapoizoni suyenera kukhala mathero a njira. Ndi khama, kumvetsetsana, ndipo nthawi zina thandizo lakunja, maubale amatha kuchiritsidwa ndikumangidwanso kukhala mayanjano athanzi, okwaniritsa. Kumbukirani kuti onse awiri ali ndi gawo lolimbikitsa kusintha, ndipo zimayamba ndi kumasuka, kuona mtima, ndi kufunitsitsa kusintha.

Ngati mukuvutika kudutsa muubwenzi woopsa, chithandizo chathu chaukadaulo chingakhale poyambira. Chithandizochi chimapereka malo osalowererapo kuti mufufuze momwe mukumvera, kukulitsa luso lolankhulana bwino, ndikuthana ndi mavuto omwe amabwera limodzi. Kuchira sikophweka, koma n'kotheka—ndipo n'koyenera kuyesetsa.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.