7 Zizindikiro Simuyenera Kumukwatira

Musanayambe kuyenda m’kanjira, m’pofunika kwambiri kuti muzimvetsera mawu a mumtima mwanu ndi kuona ubale wanu ndi maso ooneka bwino. Chikondi chingathe kusokoneza maganizo, koma kuzindikira zizindikiro zofiira tsopano kungakupulumutseni ku zowawa zamtima pambuyo pake. Anthu ambiri m’chikondi amakonda kunyalanyaza zizindikiro zochenjeza, kuyembekezera kuti zinthu zidzayenda bwino pambuyo pa ukwatiwo. Kunena zowona, ukwati kaŵirikaŵiri umakulitsa zochitika zomwe zilipo kale, zabwino kapena zoipa. Ngati makhalidwe kapena malingaliro ena akukupweteketsani kale kapena kukayikira, sizidzatha ndi mphete. M'nkhaniyi, tikuphatikiza machitidwe ndi machitidwe ovuta kwambiri mu zizindikiro 7 zomwe simuyenera kumukwatira. 

Kuzindikira machenjezo awa koyambirira kumakukomerani inu nokha komanso kwa iye chifukwa kumakupatsani mwayi wothana nawo tsopano kapena kusintha malingaliro anu okhudzana ndi ubale wamoyo wonse ndi munthu yemwe ali woyenera kwa inu m'malo movutikira m'banja lomwe muli ndimavuto kapena kusudzulana. Tiyeni tilowe mu mbendera zofiira izi tisanalowe m'banja ndikumvetsetsa zoyenera kuchita.

7 Zizindikiro Simuyenera Kumukwatira

Ponena za kusankha mnzanu wa moyo wonse, zizindikiro zofiira zamaganizo ndi zizindikiro zofiira za khalidwe ndizofunikira kwambiri. Nthawi zina zizindikiro zimakhala momwe mumamvera mukakhala pafupi ndi mnzanu. Ngati mnzanuyo amayambitsa nkhawa nthawi zonse, kukayikira, kapena mkwiyo, izi ndi zifukwa zosamukwatirira. Nthawi zina, zizindikiro zofiira zingawonekere kudzera mu zochita zake monga kunama, kusalemekeza, kapena khalidwe lolamulira . Samalani zonse ziwiri.

Makhalidwe ovutawa ndi malingaliro amafika pazizindikiro 7 zotsatirazi zomwe simuyenera kumukwatira. Ngati mwazindikira zina mwa izi muubwenzi wanu, ziganizireni mozama. Sizikutanthauza kuti mnzanuyo ndi munthu woipa, zimangosonyeza kuti kumukwatira kungakhale kulakwitsa.

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1. Mumamva kuipidwa ndi kunyozedwa m’malo mwa ulemu

Ubale wabwino umamangidwa pa ulemu ndi kukoma mtima. Ngati mukuona kuti mukukwiyira mnzanu kapena mukumva kuti mukumunyoza, chimenecho ndi chizindikiro chochenjeza. Kunyoza n’koopsa paukwati. Ndipotu, katswiri wodziwika bwino wa zamaganizo Dr. John Gottman amazindikira kunyoza ngati chizindikiro chachikulu kwambiri chakuti banja lidzapatukana. Ganizirani za momwe mumachitira zinthu: kodi mumatembenuza maso anu, kuseka, kapena kuganiza kuti “aa, tayambanso” akamalankhula? Gottman akufotokoza kuti kunyoza kumasonyeza kuti “Ndili bwino kuposa inu, sindikulemekezani,” ndipo kumapangitsa munthuyo kumva kuti akunyozedwa komanso wopanda pake. Pakapita nthawi, izi zimawononga chikondi kapena ubwenzi uliwonse muubwenziwo.

Kumbali ina, mwina iyeyo ndi amene amakuchitirani chipongwe kapena kukudzudzulani mosalekeza. Mwina amanyoza maganizo anu, amakunyozani n’kukuwonongerani ndalama, kapena amakutchulani dzina lotukwana mukamakangana. Makhalidwe amenewa si abwinobwino kapena chizindikiro cha “chigamba”. Ndi zizindikiro za kupanda ulemu kwakukulu. Mkwatibwi wina ananena kuti anaganiza zothetsa ukwati wake atazindikira kuti bwenzi lakelo ndi lonyozeka ndipo sakanatha kuloleranso.

Kukumba kulikonse konyozeka kunamupangitsa kumva kuti ali wamng'ono komanso wokwiya. Ngati mukuvutika kale kukumbukira chifukwa chake mumamusilira poyamba, ndi chizindikiro choti mubwerere. Monga momwe Dr. Gottman ananenera, “Chinyozo chikayamba kuchulukirachulukira unansi wanu, mumakonda kuiwalatu mikhalidwe yabwino ya mnzanuyo. Banja silingayende bwino (kapena ngakhale kukhalapo) m’malo onyozedwa.

2. Kulankhulana kumasokonekera pakati panu

Kodi nkhani zanu zofunika zimasanduka kupikisana kapena kungokhala chete ? Kodi mukumva ngati simukumvedwa kapena simungathe kulankhula naye? Kusalankhulana bwino tsopano ndi chizindikiro champhamvu cha mavuto omwe akubwera. Ukwati umatanthauza kukumana ndi mavuto a moyo pamodzi, ndipo zimenezo zimafuna kuti muzitha kulankhula momasuka komanso mwaulemu. M'malo mwake ngati nonse awiri mukukangana pagulu, pewani kukambirana mavuto, kapena simungathe kuthetsa ngakhale kusamvana pang'ono, izi ndi zizindikiro zoonekeratu musanakwatirane.

Ganizirani mmene amachitira akamakambirana nkhani zikuluzikulu. Kodi amamvetsera maganizo anu kapena amangolankhula nanu? Wothandizira maubwenzi Stephan Labossiere amawona zizindikiro zingapo za munthu wosalankhula bwino: 

• Samvetsera pamene mukulankhula
• Amakusokoneza ukanena chinthu chofunika.
• Amakhala wodzitchinjiriza komanso amanyalanyaza mukanena nkhawa

Mwachitsanzo, tinene kuti mumayesa kukambirana za kukhumudwa ndi zimene anachita, ndipo yankho lake n’lakuti “Sindikufuna kumva zimenezi,” kapena kudandaula n’kunena kuti, “Mwachita mopambanitsa, zilekeni.” Ndicho chizindikiro chochenjeza. Mabwenzi abwino amayesetsa kumvetsetsana; Kulankhulana koipa tsopano kukusonyeza kuti sikudzakhala bwino m'tsogolo.

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3. Palibe kukhulupirirana—amanama, amabera, kapena amabisa zinsinsi

Kudalirana ndiye maziko a ubale uliwonse wokhalitsa. Ngati nthawi zonse mumakayikira kukhulupirika kwake kapena kukhulupirika kwake, ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro 7 zamphamvu kwambiri zoti simuyenera kumukwatira. Osachepera mpaka kudalirana kumangidwenso , ngati kuli kotheka. Mwina wakupatsani zifukwa zokayikira: munamugwira m'mabodza akuluakulu, kapena anali wosakhulupirika kale. Mwina amabisa kwambiri za foni yake ndi komwe ali, zomwe zimakusiyani mukumva ngati pali vuto. Kusadalirana kudzakudyerani nonse awiri. Zimabweretsa nkhawa, nsanje, ndi kusadzidalira komwe kumakulirakulira pakapita nthawi. Labossiere akuti, "Popanda kudalirana, n'zosatheka kuti ubale uliwonse ukhale wolimba."

Pali zitsanzo zambiri zenizeni za izi. Mwachitsanzo, wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit uyu , adanena kuti ananyalanyaza mbiri yakale ya chibwenzi chake chakale chachinyengo, akuyembekeza kuti adzasintha akakwatirana. Iye sanasinthe, ndipo ukwati unatha. Munthu wina, yemwe anali pa ulalo womwewo, anati ananyalanyaza mabodza ang'onoang'ono osalekeza, koma pambuyo pake anazindikira kuti mabodza "ang'onoang'ono" amenewo anali kubisa kusakhulupirika kwakukulu.

Ngati mnzanuyo wasokoneza kale chikhulupiriro chanu, musasungire ndalama kuti mukonze zimenezo. Kukhulupirirana sikuperekedwa mwamatsenga ndi lumbiro laukwati; zimapezedwa mwa kukhulupirika kosasintha ndi kuwonekera. Momwemonso, ngati mukupeza kuti mukungoyang'ana mauthenga ake kapena mukumva kufunika "komugwira" mu chinachake, bwererani mmbuyo ndikufunsa chifukwa chake. Banja silingakhale labwino ngati m’modzi akuchita upolisi kapena akuopa kuperekedwa.

Momwemonso, ngati iye ndi amene sakukhulupirirani ndipo nthawi zambiri amakuimbani mlandu pa zinthu zomwe simunachite kapena nsanje mopanda nzeru, ndiyenso mbendera yofiira yofiira yomwe imasonyeza kulamulira khalidwe. Osakwatira mwamuna amene ali ndi zizolowezi zimenezi.

4. Amalamulira kapena amachitira nkhanza

Mnzanu amene ali ndi vuto la kupsa mtima kapena kusadziletsa nthawi zina angaipe kwambiri, osati kuchira, mukakwatirana. Ndi njira yabwino yochotsera chibwenzi ngati,

• Mnyamata wanu wamwamuna amayesa kulamulira kumene mukupita, zimene mumavala, kapena amene mungalankhule naye
• Amaphulika ndi mkwiyo pa zinthu zazing'ono
• Iye amakutchulani mayina m’nyengo yotentha
• Iye amakupangitsani inu kukhala ndi mantha kutsutsa iye

Musakhululukire machitidwe owopsa awa kapena opondereza. Izi ndi mbendera zazikulu zofiira kuti musakwatire mwamuna uyu. Kuwongolera ndi kuzunza anthu kumawonjezeka pakapita nthawi. Mu chikondi chabwino, okwatirana amalimbikitsa ufulu wa wina ndi mzake ndi umunthu wawo. Muubwenzi wolamulira, munthu mmodzi amayesa kulamulira ndi kuchepetsa mnzake ndipo chimenecho si chikondi.

Kuwongolera khalidwe si nthawi zonse kufuula kapena chiwawa chowonekera; nthawi zina zimayamba mochenjera. Mwachitsanzo, akhoza kukupatulani mwa kukulepheretsani kuonana ndi anzanu kapena achibale anu, mwina mwa kuwanenera zoipa nthawi zonse kapena kuwatukwana mukakhala kutali. Pakapita nthawi, mumapeza kuti mwasiya maukonde anu othandizira kuti musunge mtendere.

Athanso kuyang'anira zochita zanu, kufuna kudziwa yemwe mwatumizira mameseji, kukwiya ngati simuyankha nthawi yomweyo, kapenanso kuyang'ana mauthenga anu. Zochita izi ndikuyesera kuwonjezera kudalira kwanu pa iye. Sikuti “chifukwa amasamala kwambiri.” Ndi ulamuliro, zomveka ndi zosavuta, ndi chimodzi mwa zifukwa amphamvu kuti asakwatire naye.

5. Mfundo zazikuluzikulu zanu kapena zolinga zamtsogolo ndizotsutsana ndi polar

Zotsutsana zingakopeke pakapita nthawi, koma ngati inu ndi mnzanu muli ndi zosagwirizana zazikulu pa zolinga kapena makhalidwe abwino m'moyo, ganizirani kawiri za ukwati. Ukwati ndi woposa chikondi. Ndi mgwirizano weniweni pa moyo womwe mukupanga limodzi. Kodi mukugwirizana pa zinthu zazikulu monga kukhala ndi ana kapena ayi, momwe mungagwiritsire ntchito ndalama, komwe mungakhale, kapena chikhulupiriro/miyambo iti yomwe muyenera kutsatira? Ngati muli ndi kusiyana kwakukulu pamalingaliro anu amtsogolo ndipo palibe aliyense wa inu amene akufuna kuvomereza, izi ndi zizindikiro kuti simukugwirizana ndi mnzanuyo ndipo mwina sangakhale mwamuna woyenera kwa inu.

Mwachitsanzo, ngati mumalota kupita kudziko lina kapena kukakhala kudziko lina koma iye amaumirira kukhalabe kumudzi kwawo pafupi ndi makolo ake kwamuyaya, zimenezo zingabweretse mkwiyo. Kapena ngati akuwona nyumba yodzaza ndi ana ndipo simukufuna ana (kapena mosemphanitsa), mmodzi wa inu adzakhala akupereka chikhumbo chachikulu cha moyo kwa wina, njira yodzanong'oneza bondo mtsogolo. Mkangano wina wofala ndi wokhudza ndalama. Mwina ndinu opulumutsa ndi mapulani ogula nyumba ndikuyika ndalama, koma ndi wowononga ndalama yemwe amawononga ngongole kapena samakhulupirira bajeti. Zizolowezi zachuma ndizomwe zimayambitsa mikangano m'banja

Mfundo zosemphana zingaphatikizeponso kusiyana kwa chikhalidwe, makhalidwe, moyo, zikhulupiriro zachipembedzo, kapena mmene mungachitire ndi achibale anu. Kusiyana kumeneku, ngati sikungagwirizane, kumangokulirakulira ndikuyambitsa mgwirizano pakati pa inu ndi anzanu. Choncho, musaganize kuti ukwati ungamupangitse kusintha maganizo ake pa nkhani yaikulu, ndipo kumbukirani, chikondi chokha sichikwanira kutsimikizira banja lachimwemwe.

6. Iye samachirikiza chimwemwe chanu ndi munthu payekha

Muubwenzi wabwino, wokondedwa wanu angakulimbikitseni, kukukondwererani, ndikuthandizira kukula kwanu. Ngati mwakhala mukungoganiza kuti, “Kodi ndimukwatire?”, dzifunseni kuti, kodi iye amachirikizadi chimene inu muli ndi chimene mukufuna kukhala? Kapena mumamva ngati mukuyenera kufota, kubisala, kapena kusiya chimwemwe chanu kuti mukhale womasuka? Ngati ali wotsiriza, chimenecho ndi chizindikiro kuti simuyenera kumukwatira. 

Mkazi wanu ndiye mtsogoleri wanu wamkulu, munthu amene amasangalala ndi kupambana kwanu ndipo amakuchirikizani pamavuto anu. Ngati m'malo mwake akunyalanyaza zolinga zanu, akukuchitirani nsanje ndi zomwe mwakwaniritsa, kapena akuyesera kukupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu wolakwa chifukwa chotsata zofuna zanu, zimasonyeza kudzikonda komwe kungakubweretsereni mavuto.

Taonani zitsanzo zingapo. Mwinamwake mwakwezedwa pantchito kapena munaganiza zobwerera kusukulu, ndipo m’malo mokondwera nanu, amalankhula mawu achipongwe monga akuti, “N’chifukwa chiyani mukufunikira zimenezo? Kapena mwina muli ndi zinthu zimene mumakonda kuchita komanso anzanu amene simunachite naye chibwenzi, ndipo amadana ndi chilichonse chimene sichikugwirizana ndi iye. Izi si zochita za mnzawo wachikondi, wosungika. Izi ndizizindikiro kuti mwina akuyesera kusokoneza ufulu wanu. 

Ganiziraninso ngati amakukumbatirani nonse, kuphatikizapo zikhalidwe zanu, banja lanu, zokonda zanu, kapena ngati akufuna kukupangani kukhala munthu wina. Ngati kaŵirikaŵiri amanena zinthu monga, “Mungakhale wokongolapo mutaonda” kapena “Ndikanakonda mukanakhala wakuti-wakuti,” chimenecho si chizindikiro cha unansi wabwino umene ungatsegulire njira ya ukwati. 

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7. Mumakhala ndi kukaikira kosalekeza ndi kudzikuta m'matumbo kumverera kuti chinachake chalakwika

Mwina papepala, zonse zikuwoneka bwino. Iye ndi wabwino, banja lanu limamukonda, palibe zodziwikiratu zosokoneza. Komabe m'matumbo anu, mukumva kuti china chake chazimitsidwa. Mumadzifunsa kuti, "Kodi ndimukwatire?" Dzifunseni nokha kuti kukayikira kumeneku kumachokera kuti? Payenera kukhala chifukwa chake, ngakhale ndi chimodzi chomwe simungathe kuchifotokoza. Osachitaya icho. 

Kukayikira mobwerezabwereza ndi chizindikiro chokha. Anthu ambiri omwe adakwatirana ngakhale adachenjezedwa mkati mwawo pambuyo pake amati, "Ndinkadziwa kuti sizinali bwino, koma ndinanyalanyaza." Ndipotu, kafukufuku akutsimikizira izi: mu kafukufuku wa maanja 464, ofufuza adapeza kuti 47% ya amuna ndi 38% ya akazi anali ndi kukayikira asanakwatirane, ndipo omwe anali ndi kukayikira anali ndi mwayi waukulu wosudzulana mkati mwa zaka zinayi. Wofufuza wamkulu Justin Lavner, Ph.D., akuti, "Anthu amaganiza kuti aliyense ali ndi kukayikira asanakwatirane ndipo simuyenera kuda nkhawa nazo. Tinapeza kuti ndi zofala koma sizothandiza."

Kukwatira chifukwa cha mantha kapena kukakamizidwa, kaya kukakamizidwa ndi mnzanu, banja lanu, kapena ngakhale kugunda kwa nthawi yanu yobadwa nayo, si chifukwa chabwino chokwatirira . Ngakhale kuti kukhala ndi mantha ndi chinthu chachibadwa musanakwatirane, kumva kukayikira kwakukulu kapena kutayika sikoyenera. Musasokoneze mapazi ozizira ndi alamu yamkati. Mapazi ozizira akhoza kukhala mitsempha yokhudzana ndi kusintha kwakukulu kwa moyo.

Alamu yamkati ndi lingaliro lolimbikira la "chinachake sichili bwino" kapena kuwona tsogolo losasangalatsa. Dzikhulupirireni nokha. Ndi bwino kuima kaye, kuchedwetsa, kapenanso kuletsa ukwati kusiyana n’kukakumana ndi mavuto a m’banja kapena kusudzulana kosokoneza. Tsogolo lanu lidzakuthokozani chifukwa cholemekeza malingaliro anu enieni tsopano.

Zoyenera Kuchita Mukawona Zizindikiro Simuyenera Kumukwatira

Kuzindikira zizindikiro izi kungakhale koopsa komanso koopsa, makamaka ngati mwaikapo ndalama zambiri muubwenzi. Mutha kukhala mukufunsa, "Chabwino, ndikuwona mbendera zofiira izi zisanachitike, bwanji tsopano?" Nkhani yabwino ndiyakuti muli ndi mwayi wosankha ndi bungwe. Chinthu choyamba ndikuvomereza zomwe mukuwona popanda kuzipaka shuga. 

Kukana ndikosavuta m'chikondi, koma kulimba mtima ndi kuwona mtima zidzakutumikirani bwino m'kupita kwanthawi. Ndikofunika kudziwa kuti kuthetsa chibwenzi kapena kufuna kusintha sikulephera. Ndikuchita kudzilemekeza ndi chisamaliro. Nazi njira zothandiza komanso malangizo othandizira kuti mupite patsogolo:

1. Vomerezani mbendera zofiira ndikudzidalira nokha

Dzipatseni chilolezo kuti mumve zomwe mukumva. Ngati chinachake chikulakwika, lemekezani maganizowo m’malo mongowakana. Nthawi zambiri timayesa kudzilankhula tokha zomwe sizikuyenda bwino ndikuyiwala kuti malingaliro awa ndi machitidwe am'matumbo amakhalapo pazifukwa. Kulemba nkhani kungakuthandizeni kumveketsa bwino zomwe zikukuvutitsani. Lembani zochitika zomwe zidakupangitsani kumva kuwawa, kuchita mantha, kapena kusamasuka. Kuziwona papepala kungatsimikizire kuti "simukupanga", pakhoza kukhala chitsanzo. Zitha kukhala zolunjika monga, "Nthawi iliyonse ndikabweretsa tsogolo lathu, amachita nthabwala ndikusintha nkhaniyo, ndipo zimandipangitsa kumva kuti sindimandinyalanyaza komanso kuda nkhawa." Malingaliro amenewo ndi ofunika. Kuvomereza mavuto ndi sitepe yoyamba yothana nawo.

Zingakuthandizeninso kuuza mnzanu kapena wachibale wanu zakukhosi kwanu pa zimene mumakayikira. Nthawi zina malingaliro akunja amalimbitsa zomwe mukudziwa kale pansi. Osadandaula za kuweruzidwa kapena "kuwoneka oyipa" ngati mwatuluka muukwati. Anthu amene amakukondanidi adzakuthandizani. Ndipotu mungadabwe kumva akunena kuti, “Kunena zoona, tinali ndi nkhawa za inuyo ndi iye, koma sitinafune kusokoneza.” 

Mukakumana ndi vuto lakuti, “ Kodi ndikwatiwe naye ngakhale zili choncho?”, kumbukirani, ndi bwino kukhumudwitsa anthu ena tsopano kusiyana ndi kukhala ndi chisoni kwa moyo wonse. Kukhala woona mtima ndi kovuta, koma ndi kulimba mtima. Pumirani mpweya wozama, dzikumbutseni kuti mukuyenera kukhala ndi mgwirizano wachikondi komanso wathanzi, ndipo konzekerani kukumana ndi vutoli mwachindunji.

2. Kambiranani moona mtima ndi wokondedwa wanu 

Ngati mukukhulupirira kuti mavuto omwe ali muubwenzi wanu angathe kuthetsedwa ngati mukuyesetsa, ganizirani zolankhula momasuka ndi mnzanuyo za nkhawa zanu. Sankhani nthawi yodekha, osati pamene mkangano uli pakati panu, ndipo fotokozani mofatsa zomwe zikukuvutitsani ndikuwona momwe akuyankhira. Zimene angachite zidzakuuzani zambiri za kuopsa kwa vuto lomwe lilipo. Bwenzi lokhwima komanso losamala lidzamvetsera, ngakhale zitakhala zovuta, ndikuyamba kukambirana.

N’kutheka kuti iye sankadziwa mmene mumamvera ndipo ali wokonzeka kusintha. Kumbali ina, ngati akwiya msanga, kukutetezani, kapena kukusekani mmene mukumvera, zimenezo zimatsimikizira nkhani zomwezo zomwe mukuda nkhawa nazo. Mwachitsanzo, ngati munganene kuti mukuda nkhawa ndi mmene ndewu zimakhalira zonyansa ndipo mukupempha kuti muyambe kulankhulana, munganene kuti: “Sindinazindikire kuti ndikuchita zimenezo, sindikufuna kukukhumudwitsani. Tidzapeza njira yabwino yolankhulirana.” 

Chizindikiro choipa chingakhale iye akubwezera, "Ndiye ukunena kuti zonsezi ndi vuto langa? Ndiwe amene umayambitsa ndewu!" kapena choipitsitsa, kuseka ndi kukana kukambirana. Ngati avomereza kugwira ntchito pazinthu, zabwino. Izi zikutanthauza kuti ubale wanu uli ndi mwayi wopulumuka. Komabe, muyenera kuyimirirabe paukwatiwo mpaka mutawona kusintha kosasintha. Ngati akukumenyerani miyala kapena kusokoneza nkhawa zanu, ndiye kuti muyenera kuzindikira kuti mwagunda khoma. 

Dziwani: Yesani kukambirana mozama ngati mukuona kuti ndinu otetezeka. Ngati mnzanu ali ndi vuto la kupsa mtima kapena nkhanza, musachite zimenezo. Simuyenera kumuuza wokuchitirani nkhanzayo; chitetezo chanu chimabwera poyamba.

3. Funsani thandizo la akatswiri kapena thandizo lakunja

Simuyenera kudzipezera nokha izi. Katswiri wodziwa bwino ntchito kapena mlangizi wa mabanja angapereke malangizo othandiza kuthetsa mavutowa. Ngati mnzanuyo ali wokonzeka kutero, uphungu wa banja ungathandize kwambiri. Ndipotu, kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti uphungu wabwino kapena maphunziro abwino a banja ungachepetse chiopsezo cha kusudzulana ndi 30%. Zingabweretsenso mavuto omwe muyenera kuwathetsa musanakwatirane kapena kutsimikizira kuti ukwati siwoyenera.

Limbikitsani wokondedwa wanu kuti ayese polemba motsimikiza: "Ndikufuna kuti tikhale olimba momwe tingathere polowa m'banja. Bwanji osaphunzira pang'ono pa zinthu zovuta tsopano?" Ngati amaona kuti ubwenziwo ndi wofunika, ayenera kukhala wofunitsitsa kuyesetsa. Ndipo ngati akukana kwathunthu kupita ku uphungu kapena kugwira ntchito, tengani zimenezo ngati chizindikiro chachikulu cha kusadzipereka kwake kusintha. 

Kupatula pa chithandizo cha maanja, lingalirani zolankhula ndi dokotala nokha. Mlangizi payekha atha kukuthandizani kuthana ndi malingaliro anu, kukulitsa kudzidalira kwanu kuti mupange zisankho zovuta, ndikukonzekera njira zotsatirazi. Nthawi zina timafuna wina woti atifunse mafunso oyenerera: “N’chifukwa chiyani umadziona kuti ndiwe wosafunika? kapena “Kodi zotulukapo zabwino koposa zotani kwa inu kuno?” Therapy imapereka malo otetezeka kuti athetse mantha aliwonse kapena kudziimba mlandu komwe kungakupangitseni kukhala pamavuto.

Mukhozanso kufikira magulu othandizira kapena magulu. Pali mabwalo apaintaneti monga ma subreddits opereka upangiri paubwenzi, kapena magulu othandizira omwe amasiya mabwenzi omwe amachitiridwa nkhanza, komwe anthu amagawana zomwe akumana nazo komanso njira zothanirana nazo. Kumva za ena amene anasiya chibwenzi kapena kukonza chibwenzi kungakhale kotonthoza ndi kophunzitsa. 

4. Khalani okonzeka kuyimitsa, kuchedwetsa, kapena kuletsa ukwatiwo

Izi ndizovuta, koma ziyenera kunenedwa: ngati mbendera zofiira zili zazikulu komanso zosasunthika, ganizirani kuchedwetsa ukwatiwo kapena kuuthetsa ngati kuli kofunikira. Ndikudziwa kuti izi ndizowopsa ndipo zitha kumva monyanyira. Mungade nkhawa ndi zimene anthu angaganize, za kutaya ndalama, kapena kuswa mtima wake. Koma kumbukirani, nkwabwinopo kuchita ndi kusapeza bwino kwakanthaŵi kapena manyazi tsopano kusiyana ndi kutha m’chisudzulo kapena zaka zakusasangalala pambuyo pake. Ngakhale kuli kowawa kuletsa ukwati, kusankha bwenzi losayenera n’kopweteka kwambiri.

Ngati simukutsimikiza ngati kuletsa ukwatiwo ndi sitepe yoyenera, mutha kuyamba ndi kaye kaye. Mungamuuze kuti, “Ndikuganiza kuti tifunika kuchedwetsa ukwatiwo pamene tikukonza nkhani zina. Onani momwe akuyankhira ndi momwe mumamvera ndi chipinda chopuma pang'ono. Zimene amachita atapempha nthawi yoyenera zimamveka bwino. Wokondedwa wanu akhoza kukhala achisoni kapena kudabwa koma adzamvetsa kuti ndikofunikira kukonza zinthu. Mnzanu wopanda thanzi amatha kupsa mtima kapena kukunyengererani, zomwe zimangotsimikizira kuti mukuchita bwino posakakamizidwa.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungadzikondere Mu Ubwenzi - Malangizo 21 Othandiza

5. Dzisamalire

Pomaliza, yang'anani pa inu. Kusankha kusakwatira kapena kusiya chibwenzi mpaka mavuto atathetsedwa kungakhale kotopetsa m'maganizo. Mungamve chisoni, kusokonezeka, kapena kudziimba mlandu. Zimenezo n'zachibadwa. Mukulira chifukwa cha kutayika kwa tsogolo lomwe mumaganiza, ndipo zimenezo zimapweteka ngakhale mutadziwa kuti ndi labwino kwambiri. Khalani okoma mtima kwambiri kwa inu panthawiyi. Yesetsani kudzisamalira m'njira iliyonse yomwe ingakuthandizireni, kaya kukhala ndi anzanu othandiza, kuchita zinthu zomwe mumakonda, kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi kuti mutuluke mumsampha, kapena kufunafuna chitonthozo polemba nkhani kapena kusinkhasinkha. Dzikumbutseni kuti kusankha kusakwatirana naye kapena kukakamira kusintha kwakukulu musanachite ndi kudzikonda. Ndi inu kusankha kusakhutira ndi moyo womwe subweretsa zabwino mwa inu.

Zingakuthandizeni kukhala ndi chithunzithunzi cha tsogolo lanu ngati munadutsamo ndi ukwati wodzaza ndi zizindikiro zofiira zomwe mwinamwake zimabweretsa kupsinjika maganizo, ndewu, kusungulumwa, ndi chisoni. Kenako ganizirani za tsogolo lina: mwina mumachoka paubwenziwu ndikukumana ndi munthu wina yemwe amakukondani kwambiri… Anthu ambiri amene anasiya chinkhoswe chosayenerera pambuyo pake anakumana ndi mnzawo amene anali kuwachitira bwino kambirimbiri, ndipo nthaŵi zambiri amanena kuti, “Ndimanjenjemera nditalingalira zikanakhala kuti sindinalimbe mtima n’kuchoka.” 

Maganizo Final

Pamafunika kulimba mtima kulimbana ndi mbendera zofiira komanso kulimba mtima kochulukirapo kuchokapo kapena kufuna kusintha. Koma ukwati ndi chimodzi mwazosankha zazikulu m'moyo wanu - ndikofunika kulimba mtima kulikonse komwe mungakhale nako. Ngati amakukondani moona mtima ndipo ali woyenera kwa inu, adzachitapo kanthu kuti athetse mavutowa. Ngati sichoncho, kusiya tsopano kudzatsegula mwayi kwa chikondi chathanzi kulowa m'moyo wanu mukakonzeka. Mulimonsemo, povomereza zizindikiro zisanu ndi ziwirizi ndikuchitapo kanthu, mukudzilemekeza nokha komanso tsogolo lanu. Kumbukirani, simuli nokha, ndipo pamapeto pake mumadziwa zomwe zili zabwino kwa inu. Dzikhulupirireni, khalani olimba, osakhazikika paubwenzi womwe sumabweretsa mtendere, ulemu, ndi chimwemwe chomwe muyenera.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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