Momwe Mungayankhire kwa DARVO: Mndandanda wa Akatswiri 7 Njira

Pakutha kwa maubwenzi, nthawi zambiri timakumana ndi zovuta, kufunafuna kumvetsetsa, ndikuyesetsa kulumikizana. Ndikaganizira za ulendo wanga, ndimakumbukira mutu wina pamene mphamvu zinasintha mododometsa, kundisiya ndikulimbana ndi ntchito yophunzira momwe ndingayankhire ku DARVO.

Panthawiyo, chikondi chinandisangalatsa kwambiri, ndipo ndinapeza kuti ndakopeka ndi mkazi wina wokopa. Komabe, pamene mgwirizano ukupita patsogolo, kusintha kosawoneka bwino kunayamba kuchitika. Kusemphana maganizo kumene poyamba kunkaoneka ngati kusamvana kunayamba kusintha. Panali panthawi ya kusagwirizana pamene ndinakumana ndi DARVO mosadziŵa - mawu oti Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.

Pamene ndikuyesera kuthetsa nkhawa kapena kufotokoza zakukhosi kwanga, njira yosokoneza idatulukira. M'malo molimbikitsa kulankhulana momasuka komanso kwabwino, mnzangayo ankawoneka kuti akugwiritsa ntchito njira yodzitetezera: Kukana cholakwa chilichonse, Menyani khalidwe langa, ndikusintha mwaluso udindo wa wozunzidwa ndi wolakwa. Zinali ngati kuti maziko a kulumikizana kwathu adakhala bwalo lankhondo komwe kuyankha ndi kumvetsetsa kunali kosatheka.

Inde, ndi zobisika monga momwe zikumvekera. Tiyeni tifufuze zovuta za khalidwe lovutali ndikupeza njira zothandiza zothetsera DARVO. Mwa kugawana zomwe ndakumana nazo, komanso malingaliro anga ochokera kwa katswiri wa zamaganizo Dhriti Bhavsar (M.Sc, Clinical Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri paubwenzi, kutha kwa banja, ndi uphungu wa LGBTQ, ndikuyembekeza kukuwonetsani momwe DARVO imakhudzira maubwenzi ndikukupatsani mphamvu zothanirana ndi zovuta za kulumikizana molimba mtima komanso momveka bwino ndikuchira ku DARVO.

Kodi DARVO Ndi Chiyani Mu Ubale?

Kodi DARVO imayimira chiyani? DARVO ndi chidule cha Kukana, Kuukira, ndi Reverse Victim and Offender. Mawuwa ananenedwa ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Jennifer J. Freyd m’zaka za m’ma 1990 kuti afotokoze mmene anthu amachitira akasemphana maganizo, makamaka pamene munthu akukumana ndi zimene akuchita kapena khalidwe lake.

Dhriti akuti, "Njira ya DARVO ndi njira yodziwika bwino yogwiritsira ntchito anthu odzikonda ngati njira yodzitetezera ku dyera. Chizindikiro chachikulu cha vuto la umunthu wodzikonda ndi dyera lofooka kwambiri. Chifukwa cha kudziona kuti ndi wosafunika, amaona dziko lapansi ndi kudziona kuti ndi losatetezeka, zomwe amalipiritsa kwambiri ndi kudziona ngati wapamwamba."

"Amawona kuyanjana kwabwinoko kukhala kowopseza komanso kumadzimva kukhala otetezeka pokhapokha atachotsa mphamvu kwa anthu owazungulira. Kwa munthu wamatsenga, chilichonse chimakhala cholimbana ndi mphamvu ndipo amatha kuwongolera zochita ndi malingaliro a anthu ena. Wogwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo amafunikira kuwongolera chilichonse, makamaka thanzi lamalingaliro la wozunzidwayo."

Kuti timvetsetse bwino tanthauzo la izi, tiyeni tiwone momwe gawo lililonse la DARVO limagwiritsidwira ntchito motsutsana ndi wozunzidwayo:

• Kukana: Choyamba, wolakwayo amakana cholakwa kapena thayo la zochita zawo. Kukana kuyankha mlandu kumeneku kungachitike m'njira zosiyanasiyana, kuyambira kutsutsa kotheratu za chochitikacho mpaka kupeputsa tanthauzo la khalidwe lawo loipa, koma kuvomereza udindo n'kosatheka.
• Bakuman Pambuyo pokana, munthuyo nthawi zambiri amayamba kumenyana ndi munthu amene wayambitsa nkhaniyo. Kuwukiraku kungawonekere ngati kutsutsidwa mopanda chilungamo, kudzudzula akaunti ya wozunzidwayo, kusunthidwa mlandu, kapena kukayikira zolinga kapena chikhalidwe cha munthu amene akulankhula, kupangitsa wozunzidwayo kudzikayikira.
• Bwezerani wozunzidwa ndi wolakwa: Panthawi imeneyi, munthu amene amagwiritsa ntchito DARVO amapanga nkhani zabodza ndikupitako kusinthana mlandu mu ubale, akudzionetsa ngati wochitiridwa nkhanza ndi wowaneneza ngati wolakwa. Pochita izi, amakhala ndi cholinga chochotsa chidwi pazochita zawo ndikupeza chifundo kapena chithandizo ndipo zochitika zachipongwe zimakhala vuto la wozunzidwayo.

Nkhanza za DARVO zimakhala zovuta kwambiri m'maubwenzi chifukwa zimapangitsa kuti munthu asamamve chisoni, ndipo munthu amene akudandaula akhoza kukhala ndi mpweya, wosokonezeka, kapena wosavomerezeka. Cholinga ndikupatutsa chidwi ndikuyambitsa kukaikira ndipo machitidwewa atha kupangitsa kuti pakhale kusamvana koyipa ndi zovuta zomwe sizinathetsedwe, momwe mumakayikira malingaliro anu. Kodi DARVO muubwenzi ndi chiyani ngati si njira yonyenga?

Kuzindikira njira za DARVO izi kungathe kupatsa mphamvu anthu kuti athe kuthana ndi mikangano mogwira mtima, kuyendetsa zokambirana ndikumvetsetsa bwino zomwe zikuchitika, ndikuchotseratu zida za DARVO. M'magawo otsatirawa a nkhaniyi, tiwona momwe tingayankhire ku DARVO ndikulimbikitsa kulumikizana kwabwino mu ubale.

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Zitsanzo za DARVO Ndi Zotsatira

Nthawi zambiri zimakhala zovuta kuona nkhanza zamaganizo monga DARVO chifukwa timakhulupirira kuti kuyanjana pakati pa anthu kudzapindulitsa onse awiri. Izi ndi zoona makamaka muubwenzi wachikondi. N'zovuta kuvomereza kuti munthu wapafupi kwambiri akhoza kuchita nkhanza. Ndipotu, chiphunzitso cha kuzunzidwa "chimasonyeza kuti pali phindu la anthu osadziwa za nkhanza pamene wolakwirayo ndi wosamalira." Ndipo wolakwirayo amagwiritsa ntchito bwino mphamvu zake kuti akhalebe ndi mphamvu pogwiritsa ntchito nkhanza zamaganizo.

Dhriti akukamba za nkhani imene kuchitiridwa DARVO ndi munthu wina amene ankamugwiritsa ntchito mankhwala osokoneza bongo kunachititsa kuti kasitomala wake akhulupirire kuti anali munthu woipa. "Kasitomala wanga anali ndi zaka zapakati pa 20 ndipo anali paubwenzi ndi mnyamata kwa miyezi pafupifupi 10. Pambuyo pa miyezi ingapo yoyamba, anayamba kuona kusintha kosaoneka bwino kwa khalidwe lake - pafupifupi ngati chigoba chake chinali kutsetsereka. Zinapezeka kuti mnyamata uyu anali ndi vuto la umunthu wa narcissistic ndipo anali kugwiritsa ntchito njira zowonongeka za DARVO pa kasitomala wanga.

"Panthawi ina, kasitomala wanga anataya wachibale wake ndipo anali ndi chisoni chachikulu. Koma chibwenzi chake chinayamba kumuimba mlandu chifukwa chosamupatsa nthawi. Atamufunsa za izi ndikuyesera kumusiya, anayankha mokwiya ndi nyimbo yakale yakuti, 'Ayi, zoona zake n'zakuti nthawi zonse umapanga zinthu zokhudza iwe ndipo izi ndi zolakwa zako.' Kasitomala wanga, pokhala ndi chisoni, anapepesa ndipo anapitiriza kumukonda kwa milungu iwiri.

"Koma panthawiyi, adapitiliza kumupangitsa kudzimva kuti ali ndi mlandu chifukwa chosachita naye chibwenzi chakuthupi. Pamene adamuyitana chifukwa cha izi, adayankha ndi mawu achikale monga 'Si nkhani yayikulu', ndi 'Ukuyeseranso kusewera wozunzidwa pano.' Pa nthawiyi, kasitomala wanga adatopa ndipo adati, 'Chabwino, mwina ndine munthu woipa pano, ndiye bwanji ukufuna kupitiriza chibwenzi ndi ine ngati ndine woipa kwambiri,' ndipo adathetsa chibwenzicho pamenepo.

“Zinali zitatero pamene anadza kwa ine kudzalandira chithandizo ndi kundifunsa ngati analidi munthu woipa chifukwa cha mmene anamchitira.” Umu ndi mmene munthu angakhalire wochenjera akagwiritsira ntchito njira za DARVO.

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Zitsanzo za kuzungulira kwa DARVO ndi zotsatira zake zingapereke chidziwitso cha momwe njira yodzitetezerayi imagwirira ntchito muzochitika zenizeni komanso zotsatira zomwe zingakhale nazo pazithunzi zanu ndi maubwenzi anu:

Chitsanzo 1: Lonjezo losweka

• Kukana: Mumakumana ndi mnzako za kuswa lonjezo lopita limodzi ku chochitika chofunikira. Mnzanuyo akuyankha kuti, “Sindinalonjeza kuti ndidzakhalako.
• Kuukira: Mnzakoyo akupitiriza kuti, “Kupatula apo, sizili ngati ine ndekha amene ndimachita zinthu mosalingalira bwino.
• Bwezerani wozunzidwa ndi wolakwa: Wokondedwa wanu amamaliza ndi milandu yabodza monga, "Sindikukhulupirira kuti mukundipanga kukhala munthu woipa pano. Nthawi zonse mumayesetsa kulamulira chilichonse. Ndikungofuna kukhala ndi ufulu wodzilamulira."

Nkhani 2: Kudalirana paubwenzi

• Kukana: Wokondedwa wanu amakana kulonjeza kuti mudzakhala ndi nthawi yabwino Loweruka ndi Lamlungu, ngakhale kuti munalonjezana kale. Akakumana nawo, amayankha kuti: “Sindinanenepo kuti tizikakhala limodzi Loweruka ndi Lamlungu lililonse.
• Kuukira: Chifukwa cha kukhumudwa kwanu, mnzanuyo akuyankha kuti, “Nthawi zonse umakhala wokakamira kwambiri.
• Bwezerani wolakwayo ndi wolakwayo: Mnzanuyo akumaliza kuti, “Sindikukhulupirira kuti ukundipanga kukhala munthu woipa kuno.

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Nkhani 3: Kuchita bwino pazachuma

• Kukana: Pokhudzidwa ndi kusowa chilungamo pazachuma muubwenzi, mumakumana ndi wokondedwa wanu za ndalama zomwe simunatchule. Iwo amakana chirichonse kusakhulupirika pazachuma, kunena kuti, “Sindikudziwa zimene mukunena.
• Kuwukira: Chifukwa cha kulimbikira kwanu, mnzanuyo akuimba mlandu, nati, “Ndiwe wotengeka kwambiri ndi ndalama, mwina ukanapereka zambiri, sindikanafunika kubisa zinthu.
• Bweretsani munthu wolakwayo ndi wolakwayo: Mnzanuyo akumaliza kuti: “N’zopusa kuti ukundiimba mlandu, iweyo ndiwe amene umalamulira ndi kuchita zinthu zopanda pake.

Wogwiritsa ntchito Reddit akufotokoza za nkhanza zamtunduwu m'manja mwa chibwenzi chake chakale, "Zomwe ndakumana nazo posachedwapa pa DARVO zinali usikuuno pamene ine (mopusa) ndinayesa kudzudzula yemwe anali chibwenzi changa [wodzikonda kwambiri] chifukwa cha nkhanza zake zamaganizo/zamaganizo. Anayankha mwa kunena kuti ndimamuchitira nkhanza ndipo iye amangoyankha ku zokhumudwitsa zanga. Sindiyambitsa ndewu. Ndinachotsedwa ntchito kwa kanthawi kochepa ndisanawone DARVO ikugwiritsidwa ntchito. Kunena zoona, nthawi zambiri ndimakhala wodekha komanso wachifundo. Zimatengera zambiri kuti ndizindikwiyitse koma patatha zaka 20, amadziwa zonse zomwe ndimachita."

Kafukufuku wapeza kuti, “...kukhalapo kwa DARVO ngati njira yolakwira anthu ndipo kumakhazikitsa ubale pakati pa kuonekera kwa DARVO ndi malingaliro odziimba mlandu. Kufufuza DARVO kumathandiza kumvetsetsa momwe olakwirawo amatha kukakamiza chete kwa ozunzidwa kudzera mu njira yodziimba mlandu.” Njira zodziwika bwino za nkhanza zogonana ndi ana, izi zitha ndipo nthawi zambiri zimakula kukhala mitundu ina ya nkhanza monga nkhanza zapakhomo m'maubwenzi apamtima. Anthu okonda kudzikonda nthawi zambiri amazunzidwa ndi nkhanza zawo ali ana, koma sizikutanthauza kuti muyenera kulekerera khalidwe lawo lozunza.

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Monga mukuwonera, kuzungulira kwa DARVO ndikopusa. Narcissist akuyesera kuti adzipangire chinsinsi cha inu podziimba mlandu, motero amasokoneza kudzimva kwanu ndikupangitsa kuti mumve ngati mwatsekeredwa. Mchitidwe wankhanza womwe wawonetsedwa m'zitsanzo za DARVO ukhoza kusokoneza kwambiri kudzidalira kwa wozunzidwayo komanso maubwenzi ake, monga:

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• Kuchepetsa chikhulupiriro: DARVO imachotsa kukhulupilira pokana kuyankha. Kukana mobwerezabwereza zochita zanu kungakupangitseni kukhala kovuta kuti mukhulupirire munthuyo, chifukwa mudzayamba kumverera ngati nkhawa zanu zimachotsedwa nthawi zonse.
• Kuwonongeka kwa kulumikizana: Gawo lowukira la DARVO lingayambitse kusokonezeka kwa kulumikizana kapena a kuwonongeka kwa ubale. M'malo molimbana ndi vuto loyambirira, zokambiranazo zimangoyang'ana pa kuteteza motsutsana ndi kuukira, kulepheretsa chisankho.
• Kuyatsa gasi: Khalidweli nthawi zambiri limaphatikizapo kuyatsa gasi, pomwe munthu amene amagwiritsa ntchito njira za DARVO amasokoneza momwe mumaonera zenizeni. Izi zingakulepheretseni kukayikira malingaliro anu ndi malingaliro anu, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti mukhale odzikayikira
• Kuzungulira kwa zovuta zomwe sizinathetsedwe: Pamene DARVO imalepheretsa kuyankha mlandu ndikupewa kuthana ndi zomwe zimayambitsa mikangano, zimatha kuyambitsa zovuta zomwe sizingathetsedwe muubwenzi. Popanda kulankhulana momasuka ndi moona mtima, mavuto amapitirirabe ndipo amakula
• Kupsinjika maganizo: Kukumana ndi DARVO kungakhale kovutitsa maganizo. Kukana nthawi zonse, kuwukira, ndi kusintha maudindo kumatha kukupangitsani kukhala wokhumudwa, wokhumudwa, komanso wopanda mphamvu - zizindikiro zonse za matenda osokoneza bongo.
• Kusalinganika kwa mphamvu: Kugwiritsa ntchito DARVO kumatha kupanga a kulimbana kwa mphamvu mu maubwenzi, ndi munthu m'modzi yemwe akuwongolera nkhaniyo ndikuwononga kukhulupilika kwa wozunzidwayo kuti azilamulira ndikupewa kutenga udindo pazochita zawo, ndikupangitsa winayo kudzimva kuti alibe mphamvu zosinthira zinthu.

Kuzindikira zitsanzozi ndikumvetsetsa zotsatira za kuzunzidwa kwa DARVO ndikofunikira kwa iwo omwe akufuna kuphunzira momwe angayankhire ku DARVO kuti athe kuthana ndi mikangano mwaumoyo komanso moyenera. Makamaka mukakumana ndi DARVO muukwati. Mu gawo lotsatira, tiwona njira zogwirira ntchito za momwe tingayankhire ndikuchotsera zida za DARVO ndikulimbikitsa kulumikizana kwabwino muubwenzi.

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Momwe Mungayankhire kwa DARVO - Njira 7 Zothandizira Katswiri

Dhriti akuti, "Popeza munthu wodzikonda kwambiri amafunika kulamulira, MO wawo ndi kupatula wozunzidwayo kwathunthu ndikuchotsa njira zake zothandizira kuti adzidalire kwathunthu ndi munthu wodzikonda kwambiri. DARVO imawathandiza kuchita izi mwa kupangitsa wozunzidwayo kukayikira momwe amaonera zenizeni, kukayikira zolinga zawo ndi umphumphu wawo, ndikuwathandiza kumva kuti ali ndi mlandu pa kuvutika kwa munthu wodzikonda kwambiri. Pang'onopang'ono amachotsa thanzi la maganizo la wozunzidwayo mwa kuwanyoza ."

Zowonadi, kodi DARVO imayimira chiyani ngati sichomwe chimayambitsa narcissist? Ngati mukufuna kuchira ku DARVO, kuyankha ku njira yopusitsayi kumafuna njira yolingalira komanso yodzidalira. Nazi njira zina zomwe muyenera kuziganizira mukakumana ndi vuto la momwe mungayankhire DARVO muubwenzi kapena kulumikizana:

1. Dziwani mmene zinthu zilili

Dhriti akugogomezera kufunikira kozindikira zomwe zikuchitika. "Dziphunzitseni nokha za DARVO ndi machitidwe ake kuti mumvetsetse bwino ndikuyendetsa momwe zinthu zilili. Chitani kafukufuku wanu wokhudza narcissism kuti mutha kuwona njira za DARVO posachedwa," akulangiza. Osagwera mumsampha wa chiphunzitso cha trayal trauma.

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2. Pangani dongosolo lothandizira

Dzizungulireni ndi dongosolo lamphamvu lothandizira. Monga tafotokozera kale, narcissist akufuna kukupatulani. Choncho, fufuzani abwenzi, achibale, kapena gulu lothandizira lomwe lingapereke chidziwitso ndi chilimbikitso panthawi yovuta. Kukhala ndi anthu omwe amakuthandizani ndikwabwino ku thanzi lanu lamalingaliro.

3. Khazikitsani malire amalingaliro

Dhriti akulangizanso kuti mukhazikitse malire ndi anthu ozunza a DARVO. Malire amkati awa, monga kudzilonjeza kuti simupita ku zochitika zomwe sizikuoneka kuti ndi zoopsa, amateteza thanzi lanu la maganizo ndi thanzi lanu la maganizo, kulimbitsa makhalidwe anu ndikulimbitsa mphamvu zanu zamaganizo. Iyi ndi sitepe yofunika kwambiri kuti muchepetse DARVO.

4. Sonkhanitsani umboni wotsimikizika

Dhriti akuwonetsa kusonkhanitsa umboni ndikulemba zochitika musanakumane ndi munthuyo. Umboniwu umagwira ntchito ngati chitetezo pakuyatsa gasi ndipo umapereka maziko enieni othetsera vutoli. Komabe, ndikofunikira kukumbukira kuti palibe umboni wochuluka womwe ungapangitse munthu wamatsenga kuvomera udindo. Izi ndikungoteteza kuti musagwere mumsampha wawo. Sizikuthandizani kusintha kuwala kwa gasi, chifukwa cha misala yanu.

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5. Ganizirani zodula kukhudzana

Kuzindikira kuti simungathe kusintha munthu amene akugwiritsa ntchito DARVO n'kofunika kwambiri. Kudula kulumikizana kungakhale sitepe yofunikira kuti mudziteteze ndikupewa mphamvu yoipa. Izi zitha kukhala zosavuta kunena kuposa kuchita, makamaka ngati muli pachibwenzi naye kapena mukukumana ndi DARVO kapena nkhanza zamaganizo m'banja . Koma ikhoza kukhala njira yokhayo yopewera kuvulaza thanzi lanu la maganizo.

6. Sinthani mayankho anu

Dhriti akunena kuti ozunzidwa nthawi zambiri amazindikira kuti akasiya kuyankha momwe amayembekezera, munthu amene amagwiritsa ntchito DARVO amataya chidwi. Kusintha mayankho anu kungasokoneze dongosolo ndikulimbikitsa kuyanjana kwabwino. Mwachitsanzo, musatengeke akamakuimbani mlandu. Osayesa kusintha kuwala kwa gasi chifukwa izi zitha kusokoneza zinthu.

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7. Ikani patsogolo kudzisamalira

Mogwirizana ndi njira yonse ya Dhriti, ikani patsogolo kudzisamalira. Kusamalira thanzi lanu lamalingaliro, malingaliro, ndi thupi ndikofunikira panthawi yovuta. Pangani kudzisamalira kukhala patsogolo kuti mukhalebe olimba pamene mukulimbana ndi vutoli. Funsani thandizo kuchokera kwa wothandizira ngati mukufuna thandizo paulendo wanu wamachiritso. Izi ndizofunikiranso kuti muchiritse ku DARVO.

Mwa kuphatikizira maupangiri olangizidwa ndi akatswiri, mutha kukhala ndi zida zamtengo wapatali zoyendera maubwenzi komwe DARVO ingakhalepo, kudziwa bwino momwe mungayankhire ku DARVO, ndikulimbikitsani kukhala ndi moyo wabwino pakuchita izi.

Pomaliza, kuyendetsa zovuta za DARVO mu maubwenzi kumafuna diso latcheru komanso njira yabwino. Kuzindikira njira zokanira, kuwukira, ndi kubwezeredwa kwa wozunzidwa ndi wolakwira mukhalidwe loipali kumapatsa mphamvu anthu kuyankha moyenera ndikusunga kukhulupirika kwakulankhula kwawo.

Mwa kumvetsetsa maziko a maganizo a DARVO, munthu akhoza kumasuka ku kusintha kwa malingaliro ndikugwira ntchito yolimbikitsa ubale wabwino. Kaya kudzera mu kukhazikitsa malire a malingaliro, kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri, kapena kudzisamalira, zida zothetsera zotsatira za DARVO zimapezeka. Pamene tikuyesetsa kulumikizana kwenikweni ndi kulankhulana momasuka, kuzindikira ndi kulimba mtima komwe kumakulitsidwa pamaso pa DARVO kumathandizira kupanga ubale womangidwa pa kudalirana, kuwonekera poyera, ndi ulemu pakati pa onse.

Ibibazo

Kodi Narcissists Amatha Kukondana?

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.