Umhlahlandlela Wokuqomisana: Izinto Eziyi-9 Okufanele Ungalokothi Uzenze Enyangeni Yokuqala Yokuqomisana

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Ah, lezo zinsuku zokuqala zokuthandana! Uhlangane nomuntu omusha, impilo yakho igcwele injabulo. Ukuthumela imiyalezo, ukukhuluma, izinsuku, kanye nayo yonke leyo mizwa efudumele engacacile. Kwenza ukujaha okukhulu, akunjalo? Kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo kukhona ukwethuka mayelana nokumosha konke. Kuthiwani uma wenza noma usho okuthile ukuze usunduze umuntu ojabulela ukumazi futhi mhlawumbe othatheka kuye? Lokhu kwesaba kungaba kubi nakakhulu uma uphahlazekile futhi washa endaweni yokuphola izikhathi ezingaphezu kwesisodwa.

Nakuba ubudlelwano obunye bunokuguquguquka kwabo kanye nokuthi izinto ziqhubeka kanjani ekugcineni zifinyelela kubantu abahilelekile nokuthi bazulazula ngobuchule kanjani ezintweni, ukunamathela ezimfundisweni ezithile eziyisisekelo kungakusiza ukuthi ubeke isisekelo sokuxhumana okuqinile kusukela ekuqaleni. Eqinisweni, kungase kube lula njengokukhumbula izinto ezingu-9 ongasoze wazenza enyangeni yokuqala yokuthandana. Ake sibheke ukuthi ziyini futhi siphinde sikhulume ngamafulege abomvu wokuphola kanye namathiphu okuqondisa ukuxhumana okusafufusa kwezothando.

Izinto Ezingu-9 Okufanele Ungalokothi Uzenze Enyangeni Yokuqala Yokuqomisana

UCarla, oneminyaka engu-29, onguchwepheshe wedatha waseFermont, ubelokhu ebhekene nobunzima bokuthandana selokhu aphinde wangena kulesi sigameko ngemuva kokuba umlingani wakhe weminyaka emine ehlukene naye. Ku-imeyili yakhe eya ku-Bonobology, wabhala, “ Ukuthandana kuyacasula . Bengilokhu ngisebenzisa izinhlelo zokusebenza ezine ezahlukene, futhi ngixhumene namadoda amaningi ngonyaka odlule. Sithumela imiyalezo, sixoxe, sihlangane, siya ohambweni olumbalwa, bese kuthi ngemva kwenyanga eyodwa sithandana noma ngaphezulu, ngibuyele esikweleni sokuqala. Balahlekelwa yisithakazelo. Abanye banomusa ngokwanele ukungitshela ukuthi abanasithakazelo, abanye bamane nje bayizipoki.

"Angikabi mncane futhi angikwazi ukuthola uxhumano oluzuzisayo naphezu kokuzama kanzima kangaka kulimaza impilo yami engokomzwelo kanye nokuzethemba. Yini engingalungile ekuqomeni futhi ngiwuqeda kanjani lo mjikelezo wokuxhumana okuhlala isikhathi esifushane okuvele kuqhamuke?" Ngemva kokufunda imibuzo eminingi efanayo phakathi neminyaka edlule, ngangazi ukuthi okuhlangenwe nakho kukaCarla akukona okwakhe yedwa. Ngakho-ke abantu abaningi bavaleleke kulo mjikelezo okhungathekisayo wokuxhumana okungasho lutho okungaholela ndawo futhi bagcine ngokukhathala kokuphola.

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Esikhundleni sokuqondisa umbuzo wakhe kuphaneli yethu yochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo, nginqume ukufunda kabanzi mayelana nendlela kaCarla yokuqomisana ukuze sikwazi ukunikeza izeluleko ezihambisana kakhulu. Ngokusebenzisana kwethu, ngathola ukuthi wayengagcini nje ngokuvalelisana nowayethandana naye kodwa wayethandana ngenxa yokuphelelwa ithemba okubangelwa iwashi lebhayoloji elimakayo. Lokhu kwamenza wazithela njengomuntu owayedidekile—engakulungeli ukuqomisana kodwa ozimisele kakhulu ukuba kubo. Kulapho inkinga. Eqinisweni, ukusebenzelana kwethu kunginikeze ipulani yezinto ezingu-9 ongasoze wazenza enyangeni yokuqala yokuthandana funa umoshe amathuba akho:

1. Ungabelani ngokweqile mayelana nesikhathi sakho esidlule

Isici sangaphambili singaphazamisa izinto ngezindlela eziningi kuneyodwa uma uthandana nomuntu omusha. Njengoba lo msebenzisi we-Reddit abelana, “Ngaya ohambweni olumbalwa nentombazane futhi u-ex wakhe yikho konke ayezokhuluma ngakho, cishe u-40% wesikhathi. Ekugcineni, ngamtshela ukuthi ngifuna ngempela ukuzwa ngaye, hhayi ngaye. Wathula wathi akazi ukuthi athini. Idk, kwangixaka, kwabonakala sengathi kuyisibonakaliso esibomvu sokuthembela kuye, ngavuma.”

Yilokhu kanye uCarla abezogcina ekwenza enganakile. Njengoba i-ex yakhe yayisemqondweni wayo kakhulu ngoba yayingekho phezu kwayo, nakanjani yayizothola indlela yokungena ezingxoxweni zayo. Lokho kwakubonakala kumlahlekisele. Nakuba kulungile ukunikeza umbono wakho mayelana nesipiliyoni sakho sokuthandana uma isihloko sivela, ukukhuluma kakhulu nge-ex kungathumela umbono wokuthi awukho phezu kwabo.

UDkt. Carla Manly, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kwezokwelapha, uthi, “Ukuthandana kusenesikhathi kumayelana nokwakha uxhumano esikhathini samanje, hhayi ukuletha umthwalo wesikhathi esidlule ebuhlotsheni obusha.” Ngakho-ke mhlawumbe khuluma ngentshisekelo yakho emculweni noma imigomo nezifiso zakho, futhi mhlawumbe, phendukela ezingxoxweni ngabangane nezingane zakini ngemva kokuqomisana kokuqala kodwa shiya umuntu oshade naye ngaphandle uze ufike kuleso sigaba sobudlelwano lapho ingxoxo ngesikhathi esidlule iyadingeka khona.

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2. Ungajahi ukungena ebudlelwaneni

Ukujaha ukuchaza ubudlelwano noma ukufaka amalebula phakathi nenyanga eyodwa yokuthandana kungabeka ingcindezi engadingekile kini nobabili lapho ubudlelwano obusha bungase bubhidlike khona. Ekhuluma ngezinto okungafanele zenziwe ebudlelwaneni kusenesikhathi, umsebenzisi weReddit uthi, “ Ukuhamba ngokushesha kakhulu . Angikhulumi ngokusondelana, lokho kuhlukile. Ngikhuluma ngokuhamba ngokushesha kakhulu ngokomzwelo—njengokuhamba kusukela osukwini lokuqala kuya ekuthutheleni ndawonye ngesivinini esigobile. Kulungile ukuba nosuku olulodwa ngesonto amasonto ambalwa. Kulungile ukuba umbhangqwana nokuhlala ezindaweni ezihlukene.

"Kulungile ukuba umbhangqwana futhi ungahlali ubusuku bonke endlini yakhe. Bakubiza ngokuthi ukuluma kwezinyanga ezingu-7 ngesizathu. Futhi ngicabanga ukuthi yingakho ngizwa izindaba zokuhlukana eziyingozi kakhulu kunaseminyakeni engu-15 edlule. Bavele bashesha kakhulu, bedliwe yimizwa ezweni elisheshayo futhi abazange bazane ekuqaleni. Bam! Bam! Banezinyanga ezi-6-7 futhi bayaqaphela. umthwalo ongokomzwelo wobudlelwano beminyaka emi-2.” Omunye umsebenzisi unanela umuzwa ofanayo, uthi:

Khumbula, ukuphola kusenesikhathi kumayelana nokuhlola, hhayi ukuzibophezela. Vumela izinto ziguquke ngokwemvelo. Esikhundleni sokuzikhathaza ngokuthi, “Kuyaphi lokhu?” noma ukubuza, "Ingabe sikhethekile?", Ngemva kosuku lwesibili, gxila ekutheni uyakujabulela yini ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye futhi usisuse lapho.

3. Ungadebeseleli eyakho impilo

Uma ubanjwe esivunguvungwini semizwa, uthandwe ngumuntu ongenathemba futhi ujabulela isikhathi somshado , kungaba yinto ekhangayo ukumenza abe yisizinda somhlaba wakho. Kulula ukuyeka konke ukuze uchithe isikhathi nesithakazelo sakho esisha sothando kodwa lokhu kungaba yingozi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Lokhu okuthunyelwe yiReddit kukufingqa kahle:

Umqeqeshi wezobudlelwano uMaria Sullivan naye ukhuluma ngendlela efanayo, futhi uthi, “Ukuhlala uthembekile kubuntu bakho kukwenza umlingani ongcono.” Ukulahlekelwa ukuthintana nezinto ozilibazisayo, abangani, noma isimiso ngenxa yomuntu othandana naye kungenza ukuphila kwakho kungabi nalutho futhi kukwenza uhlangane njengomuntu oncike kakhulu, okungaba nzima kumuntu othandana naye.

Ungawakhanseli lawo makilasi e-yoga amasonto onke noma ubusuku babafana/bamantombazane ukuze uhlanganyele nabo. Thatha isikhala sokuphishekela izintshisekelo zakho futhi ukhulise obunye ubudlelwano obubalulekile empilweni yakho. Amandla owasetha ekuqaleni azochaza ithoni yabo bonke ubudlelwano bakho. Uma ulahla yonke into ukuze ube nabo ekuqaleni, kungaba nzima ukwenza isikhala sezinto ezibalulekile kuwe kamuva. Kungaba umthombo wokungqubuzana phakathi kwenu nobabili.

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4. Ungazenzi umuntu ongeyena

Angikwazanga ukuvumelana kakhulu nokuthatha kwalo msebenzisi we-Reddit kokuthi ungabuphazamisi kanjani ubudlelwano. Nakuba kungokwemvelo ukubeka unyawo lwakho olungcono kakhulu lapho uzama ukuzuza othile, akufani nokukhaphela ubuwena boqobo ukuze nje wenze othile akuthande. Ukwenza ihaba noma ukwenza izinto kungaholela ezinkingeni phansi.

Isibonelo, ungasho ukuthi, “Ngiyakuthanda ukuhamba ngezinyawo”, uma ungumuntu othanda ikhaya, ukuze nje uhlabe umxhwele umuntu othandana naye noma ukwenze kubonakale sengathi unezintshisekelo ezifanayo. Kuthiwani uma befuna ukwenza umkhuba wokuhamba ngezinyawo ngeSonto ekuseni futhi wena ubulokhu ungumuntu othanda ukuhamba ibanga elide impilo yakho yonke ongakwazi ukuhamba ibanga elide ngaphandle kokuphefumula? Yileyo ndlela izingxabano nokuxabana okukhula ngayo.

5. Musa ukunamathela

Uma uqala ukuthandana nomuntu omusha, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuhlonipha isikhala sakhe kanye nesakho. Ungamxoshi ngemiyalezo noma izingcingo. Noma uphikelele ekuchitheni sonke isikhathi senu samahhala ndawonye. Lokhu kungakwenza ubonakale sengathi unamathele futhi uzizwe uncishana komunye umuntu.

Ngaphandle kwalokho, ukutholakala kakhulu ezigabeni zokuqala zokuqomisana kungase kususe imfihlakalo ebudlelwaneni kuyilapho isikhala sisiza ukwakha ukulangazela kanye nelukuluku. Isazi sokuqomisana uMatthew Hussey siyeluleka, “Ukukhulumisana makuzizwe kungokwemvelo, kungaphoqelekile noma kuphelelwe ithemba.”

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6. Ungawahlanganisi embuthanweni wakho wangaphakathi maduzane

Lo msebenzisi we-Reddit ukushilo lokhu. Ukumema umlingani othandana naye eqenjini lakho langaphakathi kuyisinyathelo esikhulu sobudlelwano futhi ukubuqeda kunganciphisa inkambo yobudlelwano. Isibonelo, uma ucela umuntu oye naye emihlanganweni emine kuphela ukuthi abe ngumuntu ongcono kakhulu emshadweni womngane wakho omkhulu noma ummeme esidlweni sakusihlwa somndeni, kungamenza azizwe sengathi uyaqhubeka ngesivinini abangakhululekile ngaso.

Ngisho noma isimemo sakho sivamile nje, bangase bangasiqondi njengophawu lokuthi uthatha izinto ezimbi maduzane. Lokhu kungaba nzima kakhulu futhi kubafake ingcindezi engenasidingo. Ngokwezinga elingenza bagijime besaba, futhi kukushiye uzibuza, “Yini engiyenza kabi ngokuqomisana?”

7. Ungadlali imidlalo

Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungawubhubhisi kanjani ubudlelwano, yeka ukudlala imidlalo yengqondo . Yeka umqondo wokuthi udinga ukwenza noma ukuziphatha ngendlela ethile ukuze uhlale ulawula indlela yobudlelwano, noma ukuthi ukwenza noma ukusho into ofuna ukuyenza ngempela kungakwenza ubonakale ubuthakathaka futhi ulahlekelwe amandla.

Imidlalo efana nokulinda izinsuku ezintathu ukuthunyelwa umlayezo emuva noma ukuzenza sengathi awunantshisekelo isiphelelwe yisikhathi, futhi ngokungagwegwesi, iyakhathaza. Uyazi ukuthi kubuhlungu kanjani uma othile ekuthumelela zonke izinhlobo zezimpawu ezixubile ngenxa nje yokuhlangana okukodwa ebudlelwaneni. Khona-ke kungani ukwenza komunye umuntu? Kunalokho, zama ukuba neqiniso ngangokunokwenzeka mayelana nemizwa yakho, izidingo zakho, kanye nalokho okulindele. Kuyasiza ukwakha ukwethembana.

Njengoba umelaphi wobudlelwano uNedra Glover Tawwab esikhumbuza, "Ubudlelwano obunempilo buyachuma ngokukhulumisana okucacile." Uma unentshisekelo kothile, yisho! Okulula nje, “Ngibe nesikhathi esimnandi kulobubusuku—asenze lokhu futhi maduze,” kungenza iqhinga.

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8. Ungakhulumi ngomshado noma izingane

Lokhu kungenye yezinto eziningi uCarla ayengaziphathi kahle ohambweni lwakhe lokuthandana. Wayeqala ukukhuluma ngohlelo lwakhe lokuphila lokushada eneminyaka engu-30, ukuze abe nezingane ezimbili ngaphambi kokuba abe neminyaka engu-35, ngemva nje kosuku lokuqala noma lwesibili lokuthandana . Engqondweni yakhe, kwakuyindlela yokubeka wonke amakhadi akhe etafuleni ukuze yena nomuntu ayethandana naye babe nesimo esifanayo futhi kungabikho muntu ogcina echitha isikhathi somunye. Kodwa-ke, kubafana ayethandana nabo, lokhu kwakuzwakala kusabisa futhi kunamandla, futhi babezoyeka. Kungani kunjalo? Indlela lo msebenzisi we-Reddit abheka ngayo lolu daba ibeka umbono omkhulu:

Uma uqala ubudlelwano obusha, gxila ekwakheni ukuxhumana nomunye umuntu futhi ubone ukuthi kukuholela kuphi. Ngisho noma ufuna ubudlelwano besikhathi eside, ukuletha izinhlelo ezichaza impilo ngokushesha kuwumqondo omubi. Yebo, ungakwazi ukudlulisa izinhloso zakho zokuthandana kodwa ukwenze ngobuqili. Ngokwesibonelo, esikhundleni sokuthi, “Ngifuna ukuba nezingane ezimbili ngeminyaka engu-35,” zama ukuthi, “Ngifuna okuthile okunenjongo.”

9. Ungawazibi amafulegi abomvu

Ezintweni ezingu-9 ongasoze wazenza enyangeni yokuqala yokuthandana, ukungashayi indiva amafulegi abomvu mhlawumbe kubaluleke kakhulu. Nakuba ungase ulingeke ukuba ungakunaki ukuziphatha okuthile ngoba ushayiwe noma ungafuni ukulahla ukuxhunywa kwezothando maduze, kubalulekile ukuqaphela izimpawu eziyisixwayiso zangaphambi kwesikhathi ngoba lezi zingabuya zizokuhlupha.

Okuhlangenwe nakho kwalo msebenzisi we-Reddit kuyakuphinda. Bathi, “Ngaphawula cishe isonto lonke ebuhlotsheni bami bokugcina , futhi kwakufanele ngiphenduke ngaleso sikhathi. Ngesizathu esithile, ngazizwa ngithanda ukuhlala. Ngenhlanhla akuzange kuhlale isikhathi eside (izinyanga eziyi-6) futhi sahlukana ngemibandela emihle, kodwa ngangazi ukuthi kwasekuqaleni akukho isikhathi eside kithi futhi ngaqhubeka naso noma kunjalo.”

Umelaphi u-Esther Perel uyeluleka, “Naka indlela othile aphatha ngayo abasebenzi, akhulume ngabanye, futhi asabela kanjani lapho ecindezelekile.” Uma ubona amafulegi abomvu kulokhu kuziphatha noma kunezinye izimpawu eziyisixwayiso ezifana nokulahla imingcele yakho noma ukuwela njengokungatholakali ngokomzwelo kakhulu, thatha isikhathi sakho ucabange ukuthi ingabe ungumuntu ofuna ukutshala imali kuye. Phela, amafulegi abomvu awashabalali ngomlingo. Uma kukhona, zivame ukugqama ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

I-Infographic Ezintweni Eziyi-9 Okufanele Ungalokothi Uzenze Enyangeni Yokuqala Yokuqomisana — Izinto Ongasoze Uzenze Enyangeni Yokuqala Yokuqomisana

Early Ukuqomisana Red Flags Akufanele Ungalokothi Unganaki

Nakuba uqaphela okungafanele ukwenze ezigabeni zokuqala zokuthandana, kubalulekile futhi ukuthi uqaphele noma yiziphi izimpawu eziyisixwayiso ekuziphatheni nasezenzweni zomuntu othandana naye ezingaba yizimbangela zenkinga kamuva. Nazi ezinye izimpawu ezisobala zokuthandana kwasekuqaleni okungafanele uzishaye indiva:

Ukuziphatha okungenanhlonipho: Qaphela indlela abaphatha ngayo abanye, ikakhulukazi abasebenzi benkonzo noma abantu ongabazi. Ukudelela noma umuzwa wokuba nelungelo kungase kube uphawu lwezinkinga ezijulile
Ukuxhumana okungahambisani: Uma zinyamalala izinsuku ngaphandle kwencazelo noma zingavumelani nokutholakala kwazo (zichitha sonke isikhathi sazo nawe usuku olulodwa futhi zingatholakali ngokulandelayo, ngaphandle kwencazelo), kungase kusho ukuthi azinasithakazelo sangempela kuwe noma azithembekile njengozakwethu.
Ukugxeka okweqile noma ukugxeka: Umuntu ohlale ekhononda noma egxeka abanye angase alethe ukunganaki okungadingekile empilweni yakho
Ukusunduza imingcele: Ukunganaki imingcele yakho, ukukucindezela ezintweni ongakhululekile ngazo, noma ngokunganaki u-“cha” wakho ifulegi elikhulu elibomvu eliphakamisa ukuthi abayazisi imvume noma abayihloniphi.
Ukwabelana ngezinkinga zomuntu siqu: Nakuba ukuba sengozini kubalulekile, uma umuntu ophola naye eqala ukudalula okuningi ngokushesha kakhulu—izinkinga zezimali, idrama yomkhaya, ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni—kungase kusho ukuthi akanayo imingcele. Lokhu kwabelana ngokweqile kungase kukukhungathekise ngokomzwelo
Ukugwema izingxoxo ezibalulekile: Ukugcina izinto zilula futhi ziheleza ngenkathi uthandana nomuntu omusha akusho ukubalekela izingxoxo ezibalulekile mayelana namagugu, imigomo, noma izinhloso. Uma umuntu onaye bengenantshisekelo ezingxoxweni ezijulile, kungenzeka ukuthi akafuni izinga elifanayo lokuxhumana nawe.
Ukukhuluma kabi ngama-ex: Abahlala njalo abanomlomo omubi noma ukubasola kuphakamisa ukuthi bangase babe nezinkinga ezingaxazululiwe noma bavame ukubalekela ukuziphendulela ebudlelwaneni
Umona owedlulele: Ukucela izibuyekezo eziqhubekayo mayelana nokuthi ukuphi noma ukusola ukusebenzisana kwakho nabanye kusenesikhathi a uphawu lokungavikeleki nokulawula ukuthambekela
Ukusheshisa ubudlelwano: Ukuphishekela ukuzikhethela, ukuhlangana nemindeni, noma ukwenza izinhlelo zesikhathi eside phakathi namasonto ambalwa noma inyanga eyodwa yokuqomisana kuyindlela yakudala yokuqhumisa uthando. Lokhu kuqina kwemizwelo akugcini nje ngokukhungathekisa kodwa futhi kuzophuma nakanjani, kushiye umuzwa wakho udidekile mayelana nezinhloso zabo.
Izenzo ezingathembekile: Ukukhansela izinhlelo ngomzuzu wokugcina, ukufika sekwephuzile ngaphandle kwesaziso, noma ukwehluleka ukufeza izithembiso kukhombisa ukuthi umuntu akathembekile.

Indlela Yokwenza I-Ace Izigaba Zokuqala Zokuqomisana-Amathiphu angu-7

Ukuqwashisa ngezinto okungafanele uzenze ebudlelwaneni, ikakhulukazi ekuqaleni, kanye nokuziphatha okungathandeki okungafanele ukubekezelele kungaxazulula inkinga yakho mayelana nendlela yokuphumelela ohambweni lwakho lokuthandana. Ukuze lolu hambo lube lula nakakhulu, nanka amanye amathiphu alula, asebenzayo okuthandana kwasekuqaleni :

1. Yiba nguwe uqobo

Kunoma ubani ozibuzayo ukuthi enzeni ebudlelwaneni obusha, nasi iseluleko esilula: yiba nguwe. Ungazami ukuzibumba ube yilokho ocabanga ukuthi usuku lwakho lufuna. Njengoba umqeqeshi wokuqomisana u-Bela Gandhi esho, "Umuntu ofanele uzokuthanda owangempela."

Uma ungumuntu wakho wangempela nomuntu othandana naye, ngeke kube khona izimanga ezingathandeki kamuva kumuntu othandana naye futhi ngeke ukhathale ukugcina ukubukeka. Ubuqiniso budala ubudlelwano obuhlala njalo , okukuvumela ukuthi ujabulele ukuba nomunye nomunye ngendlela efanayo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi nithandana inyanga yonke, izinyanga eziyisithupha, unyaka, noma ngaphezulu.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokugcina Ubudlelwano Bujabulisa Futhi Buthakazelisa Isikhathi Eside

2. Kugcine kulula futhi kumnandi

Elinye lamathiphu abaluleke kakhulu okuthandana kwasekuqaleni enginawo ngawe ukugcina izingxoxo zokuqala ezimbalwa zijabulisa futhi zikhululekile, kunokuba uziguqule zibe izikhathi zokubuza imibuzo noma izingxoxo eziyinkimbinkimbi. Funa imisebenzi lapho ningaxhumana khona endaweni engenakucindezeleka futhi nihlole ukuthi niyakujabulela yini ukuba ndawonye.

U-Jen, umthengisi wotshwala wase-Heartford, uyahlanganyela, "Uzakwethu manje wangiyisa ekilasini lezitsha zobumba ngosuku lwethu lwesibili. Ubone isikhangiso ku-Instagram feed futhi wangithumelela sona, engicela ukuba ngimjoyine. Ngangimanqikanqika kodwa ngahambisana nakho. Akekho kithi owayengazi lutho mayelana nezitsha zobumba. Kwakungcolile, kuwubuwula, sazi ukuthi ukuphishekela lokhu kwakubalulekile, ngakho-ke sobabili sazi ukuthi ukuphishekela kwakubalulekile. Sesihlale ndawonye cishe iminyaka emibili, futhi uma ngibheka emuva, leyo dethi isengenye yezinkumbulo zethu ezinhle kakhulu Uyabona, ukuzijabulisa okwabiwe nokuhleka kusondeza abantu futhi kwakha izibopho eziqinile.

3. Buza imibuzo enengqondo

amathiphu okuqala okuthandana — Yiba nesithakazelo sangempela kumuntu ophola naye

Ungagcini nje ngokukhuluma ngawe, ukuqomisana 101. Kodwa futhi kubaluleke ngokulinganayo, uma kungenjalo kakhulu, ukubonisa isithakazelo sangempela empilweni yomuntu othandana naye. Ngaphandle kokwenza kubonakale sengathi kuyimibuzo, buza imibuzo ecatshangelwe kahle ukuze umazi . Uma behlanganyela okuthile nawe, lalela ngokucophelela, buza imibuzo elandelayo uma kudingeka, futhi ubonise ilukuluku ngaye kanye nempilo yakhe.

Umelaphi u-Esther Perel uyasikisela, “Imibuzo emihle ivula izindaba, ezikusiza umazi ngempela umuntu.” Yenza umzamo wokubuza imibuzo eyenza izingxoxo zigeleze. Ngokwesibonelo, ngosuku lokuqala, esikhundleni sokubuza, “Umsebenzi wakho uhlanganisani?”, zama, “Iyiphi ingxenye yomsebenzi wakho oyijabulela kakhulu?” Noma ngosuku lwakho lwesine, buza, "Ushilo ukuthi umzala wakho wayengena edolobheni. Bekunjani ukuhlangana nabo ngemva kwesikhathi eside kangaka? Wenzeni?" Lokhu kubonisa ukuthi ukhathalela ngokwanele ukunaka kanye nokukhumbula izinto ezincane.

4. Gcina ukuxhumana okunempilo okunempilo

Ukuthumela imiyalezo noma ukufona kakhulu uma usaqala ubudlelwano obusha nomuntu kungakwenza uqine kakhulu. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ukudebesela emzamweni wakho wokukhulumisana kungenza kubonakale sengathi awunasithakazelo. Ukugcina ibhalansi enempilo kubalulekile. Kugcina isasasa liphila, akushiyi indawo yokungaqondi kahle noma ukungabaza, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo, akuzizwa kungaphezu kwamandla.

Ukubiza isithakazelo sakho sothando ngemizuzu emihlanu ngemva kokuphela kosuku lwakho noma ukumthumelela imiyalezo ephindwe kabili kungase kubonakale kukhulu kakhulu. Ukungabathumeleli imiyalezo izinsuku ezintathu ngemva kwalokho kungase kubonakale kupholile kakhulu. Kodwa-ke, umyalezo ongasho lutho onjengokuthi, “Ngibe nesikhathi esimnandi kakhulu namuhla. Ubusuku obuhle XX”, ufika endaweni emnandi.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izinhlobo Ezi-7 Zemingcele Ebudlelwaneni Besibopho Esiqinile

5. Beka futhi uhloniphe imingcele

Ukukhuluma ngokucacile ngalokho okhululekile ngakho nalokho ongeyikho, nokuhlonipha imingcele yomunye umuntu kusiza ekwakheni ukwethembana nokuvikeleka ebudlelwaneni . Uma kukhona okukwenza ungakhululeki, ungazigodli ekukuvezeni ngoba nje ungafuni ukumcasula. Uma eveza izidingo noma imikhawulo yakhe, ungabachithi noma ucasuke. Kunalokho, khuthaza ukukhulumisana okuvulekile ngalezi zici zobuntu bakho, ukuze wakhe ubuhlobo obusekelwe ekuqondeni kwangempela imingcele kanye nokulindela komunye nomunye.

6. Yamukela ubungozi (ngemithamo emincane)

inyanga eyodwa bethandana — Sebenza ekwakheni ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo

Yebo, izinsuku zokuqala zokuqomisana zimayelana nokuzijabulisa, ukuhleka, nokujabulela ukuba ndawonye. Kodwa babuye banyathele ukuze bazane kangcono. Uma ususezindathini ezimbalwa, kuwumqondo omuhle ukuqala ukuvula ngawe (ngaphandle kokwabelana ngokweqile).

Manje ukuthi yini eyamukelekayo nokuthi yini ehlanganisa ukwabelana ngokweqile, ungase uzibuze. Nokho, nansi isibonelo esizokunikeza umbono ofanele: ukwembula ukuhlukumezeka okujulile lapho usuthandane inyanga yonke kufana nokwabelana ngokweqile kodwa ukukhuluma ngento yomuntu siqu kodwa elula, njengomkhuba ongavamile noma isipiliyoni esihlazisayo sasebuntwaneni, kuyamukeleka. Lezi zilinganiso ezincane zobuthakathaka zibonisa ukuthi uzimisele ukuvumela omunye umuntu angene futhi usize ekwakheni uxhumano olungokomzwelo.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Okulindelwe Ebudlelwaneni: Indlela Efanele Yokukuphatha

7. Gcina lokho okulindele kukho

Yini okufanele uyenze ebudlelwaneni obusha ukuze wakhe uxhumano oluqinile noluhlala njalo, uyazibuza? Zisuse wena nomlingani wakho esindabeni samathemba angewona angempela . Azilethi lutho ngaphandle kokudumazeka, ukunganeliseki, kanye nokungqubuzana. Ungavumeli imibono yothando noma imibono yothando yokuthi uxhumano lothando kufanele luzizwe kanjani iphazamise ubudlelwano obusha. Hlala uzinzile, jabulelani ukuba nomunye nomunye, zama ukwazana, ngaphambi kokuba ubeke isisindo samathemba ekuxhumaneni kwenu.

Izikhombi Ezibalulekile

Uma uqala ukuthandana nomuntu omusha, kuhlale kukhona ukwethuka mayelana nokumosha konke
Ungazisindisa kulezi zinkathazo futhi uphule umjikelezo wokuhlangenwe nakho okungajabulisi ngokuqaphela izinto ezingu-9 ongasoze wazenza enyangeni yokuqala yokuthandana.
Lokhu kubandakanya ukwabelana ngokwedlulele ngokwedlule, ukugijimela ebudlelwaneni, ukunganaki impilo yakho, ukuzenza umuntu ongeyena, ukunamathela, nokudlala imidlalo yengqondo.
Kubalulekile futhi ukuthi ungashalazeli amafulegi abomvu kumuntu othandana naye—ukuziphatha okunesihloko, ukukhulumisana okungaguquki, ukuntula ukwethembeka, ukunganaki imingcele, umona, ukusho okumbalwa.
Ukuze uthuthukise izigaba zokuqala zokuqomisana, kubalulekile futhi ukuthi ube ngowakho ongokoqobo, ugcine okwenzayo kulula futhi kumnandi, ulondoloze ukukhulumisana okunokulinganisela, ubeke imingcele kusenesikhathi, futhi ugcine lokho okulindele.

Imicabango Final

Izigaba zokuqala zokuqomisana nomuntu omusha zingazizwa zijabulisa futhi ziphazamiseka ngokulinganayo. Okuningi kwalokhu kukhathazeka kobudlelwano obusha kubangelwa ukungaqiniseki ukuthi wenza izinto ngendlela efanele noma ukuthi izenzo zakho zingabonwa kanjani omunye umuntu. Ngokukhipha izinto ezingu-9 ongasoze wazenza enyangeni yokuqala yokuqomisana, ungakwazi ukunyathela eziningi zalezi zindawo ezinamabhomu futhi uvule indlela yokuxhumana okuqinile nokujulile okunamandla okwenza into ethile yesikhathi eside.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.