Izimpawu Eziyisi-8 Zokuthi Uza Ngendlela Eqine Kakhulu - Amathiphu Okufanele Ugweme

Akukaze kube mnandi kakhulu ukuba phakathi kwabantu abaphushayo kodwa abantu abaningi ngokungazi bagcina benamandla kakhulu lapho bethandana noma bethandana. Induduzo ivame ukwenza kanjalo kubantu. Nakuba ungase ungafuni ukuba nenkani, ukuthambekela kwakho okungokwemvelo kungathola okuningi kakhulu ukuze umlingani wakho akuphathe, futhi yilokho kanye okudingeka ukubheke.

Ucwaningo lwango -2008 olwenziwe nguDavid Schmidt lusikisela ukuthi ukuthambekela kakhulu ebudlelwaneni kuvame ukuholela ekungabini nokuhluka ebudlelwaneni futhi kukugqamisa njengomuntu ohlala isikhathi esifushane. Ukuza uqine kakhulu kumfana noma intombazane ngokungazi kungabathusa.

Ngakho-ke, kubalulekile ukuqaphela izimpawu zokuthi ungase ube namandla kakhulu, ikakhulukazi othandweni oluqalayo. Silapha ukuzokutshela ukuthi ziyini ngempela lezo zimpawu nokuthi yini ongayenza ukuze uphule lo mkhuba ngokubonisana nodokotela wengqondo olulekayo u-Anuradha Satyanarayana Prabhudesai , umsunguli we-Disha Counseling Center, ogxile kumasu e-CBT/REBT ukusiza abantu ukuthi baxhumane futhi basebenze ezindleleni zabo zokuziphatha.

Izimpawu Eziyi-8 Ezicacile Ukuthi Uza Ngamandla Kakhulu

Wazi kanjani ukuthi uza ngamandla kakhulu kumlingani wakho? Ukuthola impendulo yalo mbuzo akulula neze kodwa imikhondo ingase ifihlwe emlandweni wakho wokuthandana. Uma izinsuku zakho zisuka ku-MIA ngokuzumayo, khona-ke kukhona ithuba elihle lokuthi uvame ukufika uqine kakhulu maduze, okuvame ukwenza abantu bakugweme.

Kodwa-ke, ukukhohliswa ezinkundleni zokuthandana eziku-inthanethi akuyona yodwa inkomba yokuthi isitayela sakho sokuthandana sicishe sibe nolaka. Nazi ezinye izimpawu ezingakusiza ukuthi ubone ukuthi uqine kakhulu yini kumfana/intombazane:

1. Ubathumelela imiyalezo ngaso sonke isikhathi

Ukuthumela imiyalezo kuqala ngezikhathi ezithile kulungile. Ngisho nokuthumela imiyalezo emibili ngezinye izikhathi kungase kwamukeleke. Kodwa uma iwindi lakho lengxoxo liqukethe imiyalezo eminingi evela ohlangothini lwakho ngaphandle kwempendulo encane evela kolunye uhlangothi, kungase kube yisikhathi sokucabanga ukuthi kungenzeka ukuthi uqine kakhulu kumlingani wakho.

U-Anuradha uyachaza ukuthi kungani. “Kule nkathi esheshayo, lapho sifuna ukuzanelisa ngokushesha, impendulo engaphenduliwe noma ebambezelekile ingase ibonakale iyisici esicindezela kakhulu. Ngokungaguquguquki sigcina sesithumelelana imiyalezo ngokweqile noma sithumelelana imiyalezo nomuntu aze aphoqeleke ukuba aphendule.” Lokhu kungabaxosha.

2. Uma ufisa ukumaka yonke indawo, uza ngamandla kakhulu

Kulungile ukuthi abashadile bafune ukwenza izinto ndawonye. Uma unabangane abaningi abafanayo, ungase ugcine usuhlangana nabo ndawonye njalo. Kodwa uma umaka ngobusuku botshwala babafana kuphela noma ukuphuma kwawo wonke amantombazane, bheka njengefulegi elibomvu ukuthi uza ngamandla kakhulu.

U-Anuradha uthi, “ Isikhala somuntu siqu sibalulekile kuzo zonke izigaba zobudlelwano.” Ukuze ubuhlobo buhambe kahle, abalingani kudingeka bahloniphe isikhala somuntu siqu somunye nomunye futhi kufanele babheke izinto abangazenza ngabanye.

3. Ukudlala ngothando okunolaka nokusondelene kungase kube ifulegi elibomvu oza ngalo uqine kakhulu

Ukudlala noma ukugconana kuyathandeka kodwa kufaka phakathi amazwibela ocansi maduzane kungase kwesabise kancane kumlingani wakho. Kungase futhi kugcine ngokubanikeza izinyawo ezibandayo, uma kucatshangelwa ukuthi ithumela isignali yokuthi awuqhubeki phambili ngejubane elifanayo.

U-Anuradha uthi, “Ukusondelana ngokobulili ngokungangabazeki kuyingxenye ebalulekile yobudlelwano bothando; nokho, kufanele kubekwe isikhathi kahle. Ukwenza ngaphambi kwesikhathi kungashiya umuntu lapho ethola khona ezizwa edidekile futhi kukwenze kubonakale sengathi unamandla kakhulu.”

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4. Ukufaka isicelo sakho

Ukuba nombono ofanele ekuqaleni kobudlelwano akulungile neze. Kuzokwenza ube nombono wokuba nomona ngokweqile futhi kwenze omunye umuntu agijimele kolunye uhlangothi. Ukunquma imigomo nokulawula indlela umlingani wakho okufanele aphile ngayo kuyisibonakaliso esibalulekile sokuthi uqine kakhulu.

U-Anuradha uthi le ndlela yokuziphatha ingenza omunye umlingani azizwe ecindezelekile noma ecindezelekile, okungase kuphazamise ukwakha ubuhlobo obuhlala isikhathi eside.

5. Umaka ubuhlobo ngokushesha futhi uthole isipoki ngemva kokuza ngamandla kakhulu

Ukusebenzisa amalebula afana nentombi noma isoka emasontweni ambalwa uxhumene nothile kungase kugcine usufikelwa isipoki ngemva kokuba unamandla kakhulu. Omaka bavame ukuza nezindima ezichaziwe kanye nezibopho. Ukuzisebenzisa ngokushesha kungase kushiye omunye umuntu ezizwa ekhungathekile noma elahlekile, kubashiye bezibuza ukuthi bazomtshela kanjani umuntu ukuthi uza ngamandla kakhulu.

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6. Uwacupha ku-inthanethi futhi ungaxhunyiwe ku-inthanethi

Uma udala izimo ezikuvumela ukuthi ungene othandweni lwakho olusha kaningi noma upheqa emakhasini abo ezinkundla zokuxhumana ukuze uthole ukuthi bakuphi nokuthi benzani bese ubabuza ngakho, kungenzeka ukuthi uza ngamandla kakhulu.

Ukwakha ukwethembana ebudlelwaneni , kungakhathaliseki ukuthi budala noma busha kangakanani kubalulekile ekusaseni labo. Ungase wonakalise amathuba akho okuwina ukwethenjwa ngomunye umuntu uma uqine kakhulu. Ngaphandle kwalokho, lesi sidingo esiqhubekayo sokumqapha sibonisa izinkinga zakho zokuthembana ezingase zikushukumisele ekubeni uqine kangaka.

7. Ulindele okukhulu kakhulu, ngokushesha kakhulu

Uma ulindele ukuthi umlingani wakho abe yikho konke okufisayo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukufunwa kwakho kungase kube kuncane kangakanani, bheka njengefulegi elibomvu oza ngamandla kakhulu.

U-Anuradha uthi ukulindela okuphezulu ngendlela engafanele akukaze kube kuhle ebudlelwaneni. "Ezikhathini eziningi, umuntu angase angakujwayele ukuzwa/ukuphatha imizwa eminingi kakhulu. Uma imizwa eminingi idedelwa, kungase kuholele ekutheni ahoxe njengoba engakwazi ukuyiphatha," uyanezela.

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8. Ukuphumela obala ngobudlelwano ezinkundleni zokuxhumana

Ukuthumela ama-mushy reel amahle, ukulayisha isithombe esihle kakhulu, noma ukumemezela ubudlelwano ezinkundleni zokuxhumana kwamukeleka kuphela uma kuvunyelwana ngakho. U-Anuradha uthi, "Lesi sinyathelo kufanele sithathwe kuphela lapho abantu ababili bechithe isikhathi esiningi ndawonye futhi beqiniseka ukuthi lobu buhlobo bubalethela uthando nokulondeka. Noma kunjalo, kuhle kakhulu ukuthi uqale uveze izindaba embuthanweni wangaphakathi wabo bobabili abalingani - okubandakanya abangani babo kanye nomndeni - futhi yilapho kuphela lapho umhlaba kufanele waziswe."

Amathiphu angu-5 Okugwema Ukuza Ngokunamandla Kakhulu

Nakuba ukuqonda amaphethini akho okuziphatha ayinkinga kuyisinyathelo sokuqala esibalulekile, kubaluleke kakhulu ukwazi ukuthi ungakugwema kanjani ukuza uqine kakhulu. Uma uzibuza ukuthi ungalulama kanjani ekubeni uqine kakhulu nentombazane/insizwa, silapha ukuze sikusize.

Nakuba kungelula kangako ukuthola ukuthi singatshela kanjani umuntu ukuthi uza ngamandla kakhulu, okuncane esingakwenza ukuzihlola. Ukuze wenze lokho, nanka amathiphu angu-5 azokusiza ugweme ugibe lokuza ngamandla kakhulu:

1. Isingeniso ukuze uqonde indlela oziphatha ngayo

Ungalulama kanjani ekubeni unamandla kakhulu kumfana/intombazane? Ukuzihlola okuncane kuhamba ibanga elide. U-Anuradha uyeluleka, "Isikhathi sokuma kancane futhi uzibuze ukuthi yini oyifunayo. Isibonelo, uma uvame ukufaka izithakazelo zakho zothando ngombhalo noma ezinye izinhlobo zokuxhumana, zibuze, kungani ngingakwazi ukulinda ukuthi umuntu aphendule ngokwesikhathi sakhe? Kwenzekani uma kufanele ngilinde, yimiphi imizwa ayiveza kimi?"

Impendulo yale mibuzo izokusiza uqonde ukuthi kungani uzibamba kangaka ebudlelwaneni obusha nokuthi kungani izikhalo zokuthula zibangela ukungazethembi kwakho. Uma usuqonda imbangela eyisisekelo, ungasebenza kuyo futhi ubeke umkhuba wakho wokuzibamba uqine kakhulu ukuze ungaphumuli unomphela.

2. Zama ukungalindeli phezulu ngendlela engafanele

Ukulindela kuvame ukuholela ekucindezelekeni okukhulu komunye umuntu, okubuye kukhulise ingozi yokuphoxeka ngemva kokuba eqine kakhulu. U-Anuradha uthi, “Ukulindela okungenangqondo nokungaphezu kwamandla kufana nomlilo owukhiphayo ebudlelwaneni. Okufanele kube ukufudumala okuhamba kancane okusabalala futhi kuhlangabeze abalingani ababili kuba umlilo ogubungele ubuhlobo. Ukuze ulondoloze ubuhlobo obuhle, gcina okulindelekile kungokoqobo , ngokusekelwe kulokho omunye umuntu angakunikeza/akunikezayo kunokuba kusekelwe kulokho okufunayo.”

3. Ungatholakali kakhulu ukuze ugweme ukuza ngamandla kakhulu

Isifiso sokuchitha sonke isikhathi sakho nobuhle bakho singokwemvelo ebudlelwaneni obusha. Lesi yisikhathi lapho ukwenza umzamo oqotho wokulinganisa phakathi kwezici ezahlukahlukene zempilo yakho kubaluleke kakhulu. Esifisweni sakho sokuba nophathina wakho njalo uma uthola ithuba, ungagcini usutholakala kakhulu kumuntu wakho.

Udinga ukuzazisa wena, umsebenzi wakho, nesikhathi sakho. Yiba lapho, hhayi nje ukuthi omunye umuntu aqale ukukuthatha kalula. Lokhu kungase kube ibhalansi ekhohlisayo okufanele uyishaye kodwa kuyisihluthulelo sokuthola ukuthi ungalulama kanjani ekubeni uqine kakhulu entombazaneni/owesilisa.

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4. Ungaziphoqeleli empilweni yabo

Linda umlingani wakho azizwe enesidingo sokuba nawe eduze. Ungazami ukuba naye njalo noma ukumphoqa ukuthi angene empilweni yakhe. Yilo kanye uhlobo olubonisa ukuthi unamandla kakhulu futhi lushiye omunye umuntu ezizwa enamahloni okuxhumana. Kulungile ukuhlangana nabangani abambalwa abavamile ndawonye, ​​kodwa yazi imingcele yakho futhi ungayidluli.

5. Ungafaki ilebula ezintweni kusenesikhathi

Ukufaka amalebula ebudlelwaneni kuyindlela enhle yokuzizwa uvikelekile kodwa ukukwenza ngokushesha kungase kukwenze ubukeke uphoqeleka kakhulu. U-Anuradha uyeluleka, "Nikeza ubudlelwano isikhathi. Zama futhi uqonde isilinganiso esingokomzwelo sozakwethu. Phinda ukubaluleka kwemingcele ngoba ukunensa ukushesha okusha."

Kuhlale kubalulekile ukuqaphela amafulege abomvu obambile ebudlelwaneni bakho ngoba kwesinye isikhathi angaba yiwona abeka ubudlelwano bakho engcupheni. Uma uthole izimpawu esizibalile zihlobene, khumbula ukuthambekela kwakho kokufika uqine kakhulu kumlingani wakho futhi wenze umzamo obonakalayo wokushintsha amaphethini akho okuziphatha.

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