Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Zokuthi Akakadluli I-Ex Yakhe Okwamanje

Wake wangena ekamelweni wabamba omunye wakho obalulekile ekhala ngenkathi ebuka ifoni yakhe? Noma uke wamqaphela ekhuluma ngombono we-ex yakhe ezingxoxweni? Ingabe zikhona izikhathi lapho ebonakala ekude futhi engatholakali ngokomzwelo? Zonke lezi yizimpawu zokuthi akakadluli nge-ex yakhe okwamanje. Ukuziphatha okunjalo ngokuvamile kukwenza ube nomuzwa wokuthi kukhona ingxenye yakhe ongenakukwazi ukuyifinyelela.

Kuyakuhlupha izinsuku zilandelana njengoba ungazi ukuthi ulingana kanjani empilweni yakhe uma esavale ucingo lwakhe. Uqale uzibuze ukuthi uyakuthanda ngeqiniso noma yizimpawu azisebenzisayo ukuze anqobe i-ex yakhe? Futhi kusho ukuthini ngekusasa lobudlelwano benu? Ukuba nomuntu obambelele esikhathini esidlule kungase kudide futhi kudabukise inhliziyo ngesikhathi esifanayo. Ukucaca ukuthi umi kuphi maqondana nesikhathi sakhe esidlule kubalulekile ukukusiza unqume ukuthi ufuna ukusiphatha kanjani imanje nekusasa lakho.

Izimpawu Eziyi-10 Zakudala Ukuthi Akadluli I-Ex Yakhe

Ngisho noma ungawubeki umunwe kulokho okungahambi kahle nesithandwa sakho, uma uhleli nomuntu osenezintambo zomlando wakhe, uphila nomuzwa wokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle. Umuntu osathandana nowayethandana naye ngeke akwazi ukutshala imali yakhe ngokuphelele ebudlelwaneni bamanje - ngokwengqondo nangokomzimba.

Njengomlingani wakhe wamanje, ungase uzizwe sengathi uhlala emthunzini womuntu wesithathu phakathi kwenu nobabili. Uzofisa ukunakwa kwakhe ngokugcwele nothando lwakhe kodwa lokho yinto ongeke nje ukuthole. Asisho ukuthi akakuthandi nhlobo. Kodwa ukuntula ukuvaleka ebuhlotsheni obudlule kuyamvimba ekuzinikeleni kuwe ngenhliziyo yakhe yonke. Ungase uzithole ulwa nemicabango enjengokuthi “Intombazane icabanga isikhathi esingakanani nge-ex yayo?” noma “Angiqondi ukuthi kungani intombi yami isalinyazwa yi-ex yayo”.

Umqeqeshi wezempilo kanye nochwepheshe wengqondo wokweluleka uShazia Saleem uthi, “Ukusula izinkumbulo zomuntu kuzwakala kunzima kakhulu ngoba sizama kanzima ukuzikhohlwa. Ukuze senze kanjalo, empeleni sigcina sicabanga kakhulu ngomuntu ofanayo ngokungazi. Khona-ke ingqondo yomuntu ihlala imatasa ngokuthi kungani umuntu engakwazi ukumkhohlwa. Uma sigxila kwezinye izinto esikhundleni sokuzama kanzima kakhulu ukungacabangi ngazo, kungaba lula ukukhohlwa umuntu omthandayo .”

Intombi yakho ukuhlala ilahlekile emicabangweni ye-ex yayo ingase yonakalise ukuthula kwakho kwengqondo nengqondo. Kungase kukushiye uzibuza, "Ingabe ungaphezu kwe-ex yakhe, noma ingabe lobu kuphela ubuhlobo obubuyela emuva?" Kunezindlela ongamsiza ngazo ukuthi acubungule lobu buhlungu futhi aqede lobo budlelwano. Kodwa ngaphambi kwalokho, kubalulekile ukwenza isiqiniseko sokuthi isimo sakhe esiphazamisekile siwukubonakaliswa kwezimpawu asamthanda owayeshade naye. Ukukusiza ukuthi uthole ukucaciseleka odabeni, nazi izimpawu eziyi-10 zakudala zokuthi akadluli i-ex yakhe.

1. Ukukhuluma njalo kungezinye zezimpawu zokuthi akadluli nge-ex yakhe

Kusukela ezingxoxweni ezimayelana nobudlelwano bakho kuye ekuphokopheleni okuthile ngezinto ezingabalulekile kangako ekuphileni, ukukhuluma ngowayeshade naye kuthola indlela yokungena kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenzekani. Ukwenza kubukeke njengokujwayelekile kodwa iqiniso lendaba ukuthi i-ex yakhe ithatha isikhala somqondo wakhe ngokwanele ukuthi ivele ekusebenzisaneni kwakhe. Lesi ngesinye sezibonakaliso ezishaqisayo zokuthi akadluli ku-ex yakhe.

Uma eke wakubiza ngephutha ngegama lika-ex wakhe, libale njengophawu olubi. UMat, isazi sokucwaninga esiseminyakeni yawo-30, uthi: “Ngolunye usuku intombi yami yayihlekisa ngomkhuba wami wokulala kuze kube sebusuku kakhulu.” Wathi, “Kufanele ufundise izifundo zokuphahlazeka: Indlela yokulala kuze kube ngu-12 no-Andrew Davis (owayeshade naye).” Waxolisa izikhathi eziyikhulu ngemva kwalokho, kodwa kwakungenangqondo ukuthi ucabanga nge-ex yakhe.

2. Usakhuluma ne-ex yakhe

Angase athi usengumngani nje nowayengumngane wakhe manje kodwa iqiniso lokuthi bayingxenye yempilo yakhe liseyinkomba yokuthi akakashintshi ngokuphelele. Uma esakhuluma nowayengumngane wakhe, ehlangana nabo njalo, futhi enza konke okusemandleni akhe ukuze ahlale exhumana nabo, kungenzeka ukuthi kungenxa yokuthi ingxenye yakhe isenethemba lokubuyelana nabo.

Naphezu kokwazi ukuthi awukho ngokuphelele emkhunjini ngombono wokuthi akhulume njalo ne-ex yakhe, angase abambe izingcingo zabo aye kubo uma bemcela ukuba eze noma nini. Uma lokhu kungesona esinye sezimpawu ezinkulu ukuthi usayithanda i-ex yakhe, asazi ukuthi kuyini.

3. Uhlola izaziso zakhe ngokunganaki

Sonke sinokuthambekela kokufinyelela kumafoni ethu futhi sihlole izaziso njalo. Kodwa uma lokhu kuziphatha kubonakala kucishe kuthandeke endabeni yentombi yakho noma oshade naye, kungolunye lwezimpawu zokuthi akadluli i-ex yakhe. Ufisa ngasese ukuthola umqhafazo noma ucingo oluvela ku-ex yakhe futhi ulokhu ebheka okuphakelayo kwakhe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana uma nje umuntu eshiye uku-like noma aphawule ndawana thize.

Ekhuluma ngalo mkhuba, isazi sezengqondo uGopa Khan uthi, “Abantu bakhathazeka kakhulu ngababeshade nabo ngoba bazizwa sengathi badinga ukuqonda ukuthi kungani izinto zenzeke ngendlela ezenzeka ngayo. Ngezinye izikhathi, kungenxa yesimo sengqondo esithi “Uma ngingenakuba nomlingani wami wangaphambili, akekho ongakwenza”. Futhi baqala ukuzibandakanya ezinhlotsheni ezahlukene zokulandelelana . Into engcono kakhulu, vele, ukusingatha ukuhlukana ngendlela evuthiwe nokwamukela okwenzekile.

“Kodwa-ke, iningi labo ligxile kakhulu kulokho okwenziwa ngomunye umuntu kangangokuthi liyabacupha ku-Instagram, Facebook nakwezinye izingosi zokuxhumana. Noma lizama ukuthola imininingwane ngempilo yalabo ababebathanda ngokusebenzisa abangani abavamile. Lokhu kwenza kube nzima ngabo ukunqamula leli culo futhi baqhubekele phambili ngoba kunzima ukuthola umuntu omcuphile noma okhuluma ngaye nsuku zonke.”

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4. Ukuqhathanisa kungezinye zezimpawu zokuthi akadluli i-ex yakhe

Uma uqhathaniswa ne-ex yakhe, ubhekene nenye yezimpawu ezingenakuphikwa zokuthi akadluli nge-ex yakhe. Lokhu kuqhathanisa kungase kube kuhle noma kube kubi - ugqoka ihembe elisha futhi ikutshela ukuthi ubukeka kahle njenge-ex yakhe. Noma nixabene akushaye ngewisa, athi phela wena awehlukile kune ex yakhe. Noma ngabe yikuphi, lokhu akulona uphawu olunempilo ebudlelwaneni benu futhi kubonisa inkinga epharadesi lakho.

5. Wambhalela imiqhafazo

Olunye lwezimpawu ezishaqisayo zokuthi akadluli ku-ex yakhe isifiso esiqhubekayo sokuxhumana noma ukugcina isixhumanisi siphila. Uma naphezu kokuba khona kwakho empilweni yakhe, akakwazi ukumelana nokumthumelela imiyalezo ngesikhathi sokudakwa, ngokuqinisekile unonyawo esikhathini esidlule. Umngane wami uJohn wake wabhekana nesimo esifanayo nami.

Wathi, “Intombazane icabanga isikhathi esingakanani nge-ex yayo? Ngikholelwa ukuthi intombi yami isalinyazwa yi-ex yayo. Ngaso sonke isikhathi uma iphuza kakhulu, iba ngumuntu ohluke ngokuphelele ohlale ekhuluma ngowayethandana naye onobuthi futhi emthumelela nemibhalo engcolile. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ingiphatha sengathi anginazwi ngakho ngoba kusobala ukuthi ngigxambukela endaweni yayo. Angazi noma ngingakwazi yini lokho.”

Akunandaba ukuthi leyo miyalezo yokudakwa eya kumuntu ayethandana naye iwukukhononda ngentukuthelo ngendlela abamnyathele ngayo inhliziyo yakhe. Iqiniso lokuthi usazizwa ubuhlungu futhi uzizwa enesidingo sokuxhumana nesikhathi sakhe esidlule ukuze athole induduzo hhayi wena liyakhathaza. Uma lowo owayethandana naye esabela ekusheleni kwakhe, kungabeka ubudlelwano benu engozini.

6. Ubamba izinkumbulo

Kukhona lesosikibha esidala, esigugile ekhabetheni lakhe angeke akwazi ukusidedela. Uligqoka lapho elala njalo ebusuku, uzichithela kulo ngezimpelasonto, futhi ngeke nje avume ukuhlukana nalo. Uma wazi ukuthi isikibha sixhumene ne-ex yakhe - mhlawumbe kwakuyisipho esivela kubo noma sisho isenzakalo esikhethekile ebudlelwaneni bakhe bangaphambilini - unesizathu esizwakalayo sokukhathazeka ngokuthi ulengiswa esikhathini esidlule.

Ngokunamathela ezinkumbulweni zobudlelwano besikhathi esidlule, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uJaseena Backer uthi, “Ayikho indlela yokukhohlwa izinkumbulo zobudlelwano. Izinkumbulo ziyabuya uma uvakashela izindawo ezifanayo ezindala noma ubuka ama-movie afanayo enaniwathanda nobabili. Kuzoba khona izinto eziningi ezikuzungezile. Okuwukuphela kwendlela yokuzisiza ukuzama ukungagxili kuzo. Zivumele zidlule njengoba zifisa kodwa ziqhubeke.”

7. Akakwazi ukubekezelela umcabango we-ex yakhe iqhubekela phambili

Usazibuza ukuthi, “Ingabe ungaphezu kowayengumlingani wakhe noma ngimane ngisabela ngokweqile?” Ngitshele ukuthi lokhu kuzwakala kujwayelekile. Njalo lapho ethola ulwazi ngentombazane entsha ayethandana nayo owayengumlingani wakhe , uzama ukumfuna futhi asebenzise lolu lwazi ukugcwalisa ingqondo yakhe ngemicabango emibi ngomlingani wakhe ongaba khona.

Akagcini nje ngokubheka impilo yamanje ye-ex yakhe kodwa uyaqhaqhazela uma ecabanga ukuthi bayaqhubeka. Uma izindaba zokuthi bayathandana futhi noma ukuba nobudlelwano zimdumaza, lezi ezinye zezimpawu zakudala zokuthi akadluli nge-ex yakhe. Ubudlelwano babo obusha buzwakala njengethuba lokufa ngenxa yethemba lakhe lokuvuselela lokho kuxhumana okudala, nokuthi ngeke akwazi ukuma.

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8. Ubeka phambili i-ex

Kungenzeka ukuthi usebudlelwaneni nawe kodwa ukwethembeka kwakhe kulele kwenye indawo. I-ex yakhe iseza kuqala kuye nanamuhla. Futhi lokho kuyisizathu esanele sokuba ukhathazeke ngokuthi angase angagxili ngokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni bakhe nawe njengoba enza esikhathini esidlule. Inhlalakahle yakhe iseyiyona nto emkhathaza kakhulu. Uma ecela usizo, avele angacabangi kabili. Uma lena kuyindaba yakho yobudlelwano yansuku zonke, kungenzeka ukuthi ubhekene nezimpawu zakudala zokuthi akadluli i-ex yakhe.

9. Akazibophezeli

Wena nomlingani wakho kungenzeka ukuthi benilokhu nindawonye isikhathi eside ngokwanele ukucabanga ngesinyathelo esilandelayo noma ukubeka uphawu lokuzibophezela ebudlelwaneni benu kodwa yena uyayigwema indaba. Uma naphezu kokuba nawe isikhathi eside ngokwanele, engakakulungeli ubudlelwano obungathi sína nobuzinikele , kungaba esinye sezibonakaliso zokuthi akakamthandi owayethandana naye. Njengoba, enhliziyweni yakhe, efuna ukuvuselela leso sibopho esidala, uyesaba ukuzibophezela kuwe futhi avale umnyango walelo thuba.

10. Uhlala ethintana nabangane kanye nomndeni wakudala

Amabhuloho akhe ne-ex yakhe angase ashiswe kodwa akakwazi ukuyiyeka ngokuphelele leyo ngxenye yempilo yakhe. Yingakho ehlala exhumana nabangani kanye nomndeni wabo. Kuyindlela yakhe yokugcina umbhalo walokho okwenzekayo empilweni yabo nokugcina liphila ithuba lokuvuselela lolo thando lwakudala.

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Njengabo bonke ubudlelwano, konke ukuphuka kwenhliziyo kuhlukile futhi. Ngakho-ke, kunzima ukucacisa inani lesikhathi esisithathayo ukuze umuntu ahlukane ne-ex yakhe. Kodwa-ke, ucwaningo lunikeza uhlobo oluthile lwempendulo yokuthi kumthatha isikhathi esingakanani owesifazane ukuthi anqobe i-ex yakhe.

Ngokusho kocwaningo , abesifazane bangaqhubeka kusukela ekuhlukaneni kwabo esikhathini esisukela ezinyangeni ezintathu kuya kweziyisithupha, uma kwenzeka ubudlelwano obungahleliwe. Kodwa wonke umuntu unejubane lakhe lokubhekana nobuhlungu benhliziyo, kuye ngokuthi babehileleke kangakanani ngokomzwelo nomlingani wakhe wangaphambili. Uma owesifazane ephuma ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside lapho abona khona ikusasa nowayengumlingani wakhe wangaphambili, kungase kumthathe isikhathi eside ukuqhubekela phambili ngokugcwele. Nokho, umehluko wangempela usendleleni amadoda nabesifazane ababhekana ngayo nobuhlungu benhliziyo.

Ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi ukudabuka kwenhliziyo kuhlasela amadoda kamuva ngoba iningi lamadoda aliyixazululi imizwa yobuhlungu ngokushesha. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ubudlelwano obungasebenzi kahle buthinta abesifazane kabi kakhulu, bubathinta ngokomzwelo nangokwenyama. Kodwa-ke, njengoba bezwa le mizwa emibi ngokujulile, abesifazane bakulungele kangcono ukululama nokuqhubeka nokuphila ngokuphelele kanti amadoda angafunda nje ukuphila nobuhlungu.

Wenzani Uma Ingekho I-Ex Yakhe?

Uma uzizwa sengathi uzinikela kakhulu ebudlelwaneni ngaphandle kokubuyiselwa, uGaurav Deka , udokotela kanye nochwepheshe wezokwelapha olawula ukuguquguquka komuntu ngamunye, uphakamisa ukuthi, “Kudingeka uyeke ukukhohliseka kalula futhi uzimele uma uzizwa sengathi uzinikela kakhulu ebudlelwaneni. Okubaluleke kakhulu, uma uzizwa sengathi awutholi okuningi njengoba unikela, udinga ukuthatha isinyathelo emuva bese uhlola kabusha izinto eziza kuqala kuwe.”

Ukuba nobudlelwano nomuntu obonisa izimpawu ezicacile zokuthi akadluli kulowo owayeshade naye kungase kungabi lula noma kube mnandi. Nakhu ongakwenza ukuze ulawule lesi simo ngendlela enengqondo, ikakhulukazi uma kunezimpawu azisebenzisayo ukuze anqobe i-ex yakhe:

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1. Khuluma naye ngezimpawu zokuthi akadluli nge-ex yakhe

Iba nengxoxo eqotho nomlingani wakho mayelana nalezi zimpawu ezishaqisayo zokuthi akadluli ku-ex yakhe. Mnikeze ithuba lokuchaza uhlangothi lwakhe lwendaba futhi umuzwe ngesineke. Bese umbuze ukuthi uyalibona yini ikusasa nawe. Uma ephendula ngokuvumayo, mtshele ukuthi udinga ukwenza umsebenzi ukuze aqhubekele phambili, umqinisekise ukuthi uzobe ukhona ukuze ubambe isandla sakhe kukho konke.

2. Ungalindeli isimangaliso

Ngenxa yokuthi uthembise ukulungisa izinto, ungalindeli ukuthi isimangaliso senzeke ngobusuku obubodwa. Ukuthi ubone izimpawu zokuthi akadluli ku-ex yakhe kukhomba ukuthi kade edonsa kanzima. Mnikeze isikhathi, ubekezele. Izinto zingase zibe ngcono kulesi sikhathi.

3. Funa ukungenelela

Uma wena nomlingani wakho ningazange nikwazi ukuxazulula le nkinga ngisho nangemva kokwenza umzamo oqotho futhi esakhuluma nowayengumlingani wakhe noma ebonakala sengathi usethanda ukuxhumana, yazi ukuthi ukwelulekwa kwemibhangqwana kungakusiza ukuthi uthuthuke. Uma ufuna usizo, abeluleki abanekhono nabanamalayisense kuphaneli yeBonobology bakhona ukuze bakusize. Kungaba yilokho okudingayo ukuze ulondoloze ubuhlobo bakho.

4. Gxila ekuqiniseni ukuxhumana kwakho

Ungamelana nokungalungi kwentombi yakho okulengiswe esikhathini esidlule ngokuqinisa ukuxhumana kwakho nayo. Yakha izinkumbulo, umazise ukuthi ulapho ngenxa yakhe, futhi ubonise uthando lwakho nokukhathalela. Ikusasa elithembisayo ngokuvamile liyikhambi elingcono kakhulu lesifiso sesikhathi esidlule.

5. Qhubekela phambili

Uma intombi yakho yenqaba ukuphuma endaweni lapho inonyawo olulodwa esikhathini samanje nolunye esikhathini esidlule noma uma izimpawu zokuthi ayisekho phezu kowayengumlingani wayo ziba yinkinga engalungiseki phakathi kwenu nobabili, cabanga ngokuqhubeka. Uma umuntu oyedwa kuphela ethinteke ngokomzwelo, ungase uqaphele izimpawu zobudlelwano obunobuthi obungakubangela amanxeba impilo yakho yonke.

Wonke umuntu unomthwalo othile wesikhathi sakhe esidlule. Inqobo nje uma ingaphazamisi imanje yakho, akuyona into ongeke ukwazi ukwenza ukuthula nayo. Ukuba sebudlelwaneni nentombazane ekhombisa izimpawu zokuthi ayidluli i-ex yayo kuwumdlalo webhola ohluke ngokuphelele. Yenza konke okusemandleni akho ukuze uhlenge ubuhlobo, kodwa hhayi ngezindleko zenjabulo yakho nokuthula kwengqondo.

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