15 Izimpawu Ezicashile Zesoka Elikhohlisayo

Ukuxhaphaza imizwa cishe kungenye yezinto ezimbi kakhulu ezenzeka ebudlelwaneni. Kungaqeda ukuzethemba kwakho futhi kukushiye ugcwele ukuhlukumezeka kwengqondo okuyinkimbinkimbi. Kodwa uma usothandweni, kungaba nzima ukuqaphela amafulegi abomvu. Izimpawu zesoka elikhohlisayo zingaba phambi kwakho, kodwa ungase ungakwazi ukuzibona.

Ezimweni ezinjalo, umbono ongathathi hlangothi, ovela eceleni ungakusiza ubone izinto ngendlela eziyiyo. Ingabe usebudlelwaneni nomuntu osebenzisa izingalo eziningi ezisontekile? Wake wazibuza ukuthi ngabe umlingani wakho uyahambisana yini nencazelo yendoda ekhohlisayo? Ingabe uzama ukuthola izimpawu zendoda ekhohlisayo?

Ukuze sikulethele lowo mbono ongakhethi odingeka kakhulu, sixoxe nomqeqeshi wangaphambi komshado nowokuqomisana uGeetarsh Kaur , umsunguli we-The Skill School, ukuze siqonde ukuthi ukusebenzisa kabi imizwa kusebenza kanjani nokuthi yiziphi izimpawu eziyingozi umuntu okungafanele azishaye indiva.

Kuyini Ukukhohlisa Ebudlelwaneni

Ukukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni kuyisu lokuzenzela wena elihloselwe ukuthola ukulawula umlingani womuntu. Umlingani okhohlisayo uziphatha ngale ndlela ukuze athole lokho akufunayo, kokubili ezimeni ezinzima nokunye. Umuntu onjalo angase abonise izimpawu zokulawula nokukhohlisa. Isibonelo, izimpawu zokuthi uyakhohlisa zingasukela ekukhanyeni ngegesi kuye ekuthunjweni, ulaka, ukuqamba amanga, njll. Ukujola nendoda ekhohlisayo kuyinkomba ecacile yokuthi ubudlelwano bakho buzophela futhi buzoba nemiphumela emibi empilweni yakho yengqondo.

Ubudlelwano obunempilo bugxile othandweni, ukuqondana, ukwethembana nokuhloniphana. Kuwumgwaqo onezindlela ezimbili. Kodwa, ngeshwa, abantu bavame ukuxhaphaza futhi basebenzise le mizwa ukuze bazuze. Bobabili abesilisa nabesifazane bangakwazi ukukhohlisa ebudlelwaneni. Ukugxila kwethu kokwangaphambili.

UGeetarsh uthi, “Indoda ekhohlisayo izama ukulawula nokulawula umlingani wayo ngemidlalo yengqondo. Iqiniso lokuthi wena, ngesinye isikhathi, umbheka ukuze aqinisekiswe limnika lowo muzwa wamandla nokulawula. Uzokwenza uzizwe ubalulekile ngesinye isikhathi bese enyamalala ngokuzumayo lapho umdinga kakhulu. Umlingani okhohlisayo ngokomzwelo uzodlala indima enhle uma nje kumzuzisa.”

Akukho lutho olungalungile ngokulindela nokucela umlingani wakho ukuba akwenzele izinto, kodwa indlela yomlingani okhohlisayo izohluka. Nakuba indlela enempilo ingase ihlanganise ukubuza umlingani wakho ngokuqondile ukuthi yini oyifunayo, uma isoka lakho lenza kanjalo ngaphandle kokuzibeka endaweni esengozini, libonisa ukuthi lidinga usizo lwakho, kuyacaca ukuthi liyakhohlisa ngokomzwelo.

Ingabe Isoka Lakho Liyakukhohlisa? 15 Izimpawu Yena

Ukukhohlisa imizwa kungase kube nzima ukukukhomba, ikakhulukazi uma usufinyelele ekugcineni kwakho ngoba izikhohlisi zisebenzisa amaqhinga acashile ukuze zikuthonye. Basizakala ngemizwelo yakho, bayisebenzisele ukufeza izisusa zabo, bese besola wena ngokukhuthaza ukuziphatha okunjalo.

UGeetarsh uthi, “Lapho othile engena ebuhlotsheni, yonke into ibonakala imnandi futhi ingcolile. Lapho abantu bethandana, bavame ukuthanda umuntu ngaphezu kokuziphatha kwabo, yingakho behluleka ukuqaphela izimpawu ezibomvu ekuqaleni. Kodwa izimpawu zihlala zikhona futhi abantu ngokuvamile bavame ukukubona lapho umonakalo usuvele wenzekile.

Uma usesimweni lapho uphoqeleka ukuthi ucabange, “Ingabe isoka lami liyakhohlisa?”, yisikhathi sokuvula amehlo akho kumafulegi abomvu akugqolozele ebusweni. Bheka lezi zimpawu zendoda ekhohlisayo ezizokusiza ukuthi unqume ukuthi udinga ukubushiya noma cha ebudlelwaneni:

1. Uhlala ekukhafula

Esinye sezibonakaliso zesoka elilawulayo elikhohlisayo ukucasuka. Uma ubona ukuthi isoka lakho lizama ukushintsha amaqiniso ukuze lithole uzwelo noma ligweme ukwenza into embi eliyenzile, yazi ukuthi liyakucasuka . Empeleni lizama ukukwenza ungabaze inguqulo yakho yeqiniso ukuze libonakale lisengozini kakhulu.

Uma uziqagela bese uqala ukukholelwa ukuthi konke kusekhanda lakho, kusho ukuthi uthandana nendoda ekhohlisayo, engalivumeli noma iliphi ithuba lokukulawula, igweme iphutha layo futhi ikusole ngokungqubuzana. Ngenye yalezo zimpawu zabafana abakhohlisayo okufanele ungazinaki.

2. Isoka elikhohlisayo ngeke libe nandaba nezinkinga zakho

Lesi esinye sezibonakaliso ezivame kakhulu zendoda ekhohlisayo. Qaphela ukuthi unaka kangakanani ezinkingeni nemizwelo yakho. Umuntu okhohlisayo uvame ukwenza yonke into ngaye futhi akanandaba ngempela nosizi lomlingani wakhe. Uzokwenza izinkinga zakho zibe yize futhi, esikhundleni salokho, aqale ukukhuluma ngezakhe.

Uma ube nosuku olubi, ngeke azihluphe ngokuxoxa ngalo noma enze noma yimuphi umzamo wokukusiza uzizwe ungcono. Esikhundleni salokho, umfana okhohlisayo uzobeka izaba noma aveze ezakhe izindaba ukuze uphoqeleke ukuthi ugxilise amandla akho engqondo nemizwa kuye kunawe. Ukuthambekela kwe-Narcissistic kanye nokuziphatha kokuzisiza okuboniswa uzakwethu okhohlisayo kuyizimpawu ezicacile zokukhohliswa kwemizwelo ebudlelwaneni.

3. Ungumthakathi omkhulu

Isoka elibukekayo liyinto enhle kodwa uma lizama ukukusebenzela njengengxenye yokulawula umonakalo, kufanele ucabange kabusha uma ufuna ukuhlala ebudlelwaneni. Kungenye yezimpawu eziyisixwayiso zesoka elikhohlisayo, futhi ngeshwa, futhi abantu abaningi abahlulekayo ukukubona.

UGeetarsh uthi, “Isoka elisebenzisa amandla ngokomzwelo lizoba nomusa kakhulu futhi likhathalele uma lifuna okuthile kuwe. Kuzoba nokuncoma okumangalisayo okuzayo, mhlawumbe izingcingo ezimbalwa ezengeziwe kanye nesithembiso sokuthi lizohlala likhona ngawe. Lizohlanganyela ekuphatheni ngothando ukuze ligcwalise izidingo zalo. Kodwa, ngokushesha nje lapho lithola lokho elikufunayo, izinto zibuyela esimweni salo.”

Uma ukuthola kunzima ukubona izimpawu zokuthi uyakhohlisa futhi uzama ukukukhanga ukuze wenze ngendlela afuna ngayo, qaphela ukuthi ukuziphatha kwesoka lakho kukwenza uzizwe udakiwe. Uma kuzwakala kungavamile emathunjini akho, uzwa sengathi imizwa yakho ichithiwe, noma ukuthi uphazanyiswe emgqeni wakho wokucabanga ngaphandle kokulawula kwakho, ngokusobala, uyakhohlisa ngokomzwelo.

4. Usolwa ngakho konke okungahambi kahle

Esinye sezibonakaliso ezivame kakhulu zendoda ekhohlisayo ukuthi izosola wena ngakho konke okungahambi kahle empilweni yayo, kungaba ukulwa okungahleliwe noma isinyathelo esihlulekile. Abazenzisi abalokothi bawamukele amaphutha abo. Banendlela ngamagama futhi bawasebenzisa ukuze bakwenze uzizwe unecala ngaphandle kwephutha lakho. Umphumela uba ukuthi ugcine usuxolisa ngamaphutha ongawenzanga nokuwenza.

Ngesikhathi elandisa ngesigameko, umngane wami, osanda kuphuma ebudlelwaneni obunobuthi nensizwa ekhohlisayo, uthe, "Isoka lami lakudala lanquma ukuqala iphrojekthi eliyalo futhi lalungiselela konke. Kodwa kwathi lapho ukuqulwa kwecala lephrojekthi kungahambi njengoba bekuhlelile, wacindezeleka futhi wawuyeka lo mbono. Wabe-ke wangisola ngakho konke lokho ethi inhloso yakhe kanye nentshisekelo yakhe ayizange iphumelele ngalobo busuku."

Kulula ukubona izimpawu ezinjalo zokuxhashazwa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni uma ubheka emuva ngazo zonke izikhathi lapho wenziwa ukuthi ukholelwe into owawungayikholelwa ekuqaleni futhi ulandelela emuva ukuthi ufinyelele kanjani enkolelweni yakho yamanje kusukela kweyakho yokuqala. Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi lolu shintsho lwalungeyona inqubo eqaphelayo kodwa umphumela wokukhohlisa.

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5. Abazenzisi bavame ukwenza idrama ngokweqile yonke into

Olunye uphawu lwensizwa olukhohlisayo lukhuluma izitatimende ezimangalisayo ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho ezibona elahlekelwa ingxabano noma uma izinto zingahambi ngendlela yakhe. Izimpawu zendoda ekhohlisayo zihlanganisa ukuzama ukukuphazamisa odabeni olukhona ngokushaya ubuthakathaka bakho kanye nobuthakathaka bakho.

Wake waqaphela isoka lakho lisho amazwi anjengokuthi “Ngeke ngidle uze ungangikhulumisi” noma “Bengilindele ukuthi uqonde”? Ingabe uyazithethelela lapho exabana ngokuthi uyagula noma kunenkinga enkulu futhi udinga ukusekelwa nguwe? Hhayi-ke, ngiyaxolisa ukukuphula kodwa lelo yisu lokukhohlisa.

Abantu abakhohlisa abanye basebenzisa lolu hlobo lokusongela ngokomzwelo uma ubathukuthelele. Uma engakuniki ithuba lokucasuka nokubeka iphuzu lakho phambili, uma efihla imizwa yakho ngokwenza ukukhathazeka kwakhe kube kukhulu kunokwakho, lezi yizimpawu zokuthi uyakhohlisa. Uzokushaya lapho kubuhlungu khona, akuphoqe ukuthi ukhulume naye futhi umnike ukunaka.

6. Uphoqelela izinqumo nezinqumo zakhe kuwe

Olunye lwezimpawu zendoda ekhohlisayo ukuthi izokuphoqa ukukhetha kwakho ukuze kube lula. Kusukela ekukhetheni ukudla namafilimu kuya ezindaweni eziyintandokazi zasebusuku kanye nezindawo ze-hangout, uzokwenza izinqumo eyedwa, ngokuya ngokuthanda kwakhe. Izinqumo zakho ngeke zibe nandaba kuye.

Mina nomngane wami muva nje siye emshadweni. Kuthe sisalungisela omunye wemicimbi, isoka lakhe belilokhu lilwa naye limsola ngokungaqomi ukugqokisa izinwele ebeliphakamise ukwenza umcimbi.

“Wayishaya indiva ngokuphelele into yokuthi kwakuyilungelo lami ukunquma ukuthi ngizobukeka kanjani kulesi senzakalo. Ngiyasazisa isenzo sakhe futhi kwakungenjengokungathi angifuni ukwenza izinwele ngendlela ayefuna ngizenze ngayo. Kodwa izimo zazinkulu kangangokuthi ngangingenakukwazi. Ngamchazela sonke isimo futhi ngaxolisa kodwa ngathola icala lokuba nobugovu ebudlelwaneni , ngonakalisa konke nokungabongi umzamo wakhe nemizwa yakhe,” kusho umngane wami.

Cabanga ngohlobo lwezindawo oya kuzo, izindawo zokudlela noma amakhefi odla kuzo, uhlobo lwezingubo ozigqokayo, noma abantu ohlangana nabo. Uma ubathola behambisana kakhulu nokukhetha isithandwa sakho kunesakho, yazi ukuthi uyasetshenziswa. Uma uzizwa ushaqekile lapho ubona ukuthi awazi nokuthi uyeke nini noma kungani uyeke ukugqoka okufunayo noma wenze okuthandayo futhi waba omunye umuntu ngokuphelele, phatha lezi njengezimpawu eziphuthumayo zendoda ekhohlisayo.

7. Naye ufuna ukulawula izimali

Wake wambona umlingani wakho ecela imininingwane yezindleko zakho noma efuna ukuthi nimchithe njalo uma niphuma? Thatha lokho njengophawu oluqinisekile lwesoka elilawulayo, elikhohlisayo. Uzakwethu onobuqili uzofuna ukulawula zonke izinqumo zezezimali ozenzayo. Uzofuna ukwazi ukuthi uyisebenzisa kuphi futhi kungani imali yakho futhi athukuthele uma kwenzeka ukwenze yena engazi.

Angase, yena ngokwakhe, angalokothi akhokhe izikweletu ecaphuna ukucindezeleka kwezezimali kodwa uzofuna ukwazi ukuthi imali yakho iyaphi. Izimpawu zokuziphatha okubi kakhulu zihlanganisa ukuhlukumeza abalingani babo ngokwezimali ngokulawula ikhono labo lokuthola imali nokuyisebenzisa noma ukuyigcina. Ingabe isoka lakho liyakuvimbela ukuthi usebenze? Ingabe linombono othukuthele ngokuthi uhola kuphi, kanjani, futhi uhola malini? Lezi yizimpawu zokuthi uyakhohlisa.

8. Uhlale efuna ukhombise uthando lwakho kuye

Qaphela njalo amadoda akwenza wenze lokhu. Ingabe isoka lakho likunikeza njalo iziphetho ukuze wenze ngendlela yalo? Uma isoka lakho lihlale lisho amazwi anjengokuthi “Uma ungithanda ngempela, lala nami” noma “Uma ungithanda, uzowuyeka lowo msebenzi” - noma ngisho uqale umusho ngokuthi “Uma ungithanda” - yazi ukuthi iqhinga lokukhohlisa.

Cishe usebenzisa lokhu ukuze akwenze wenze into ongafuni ukuyenza. Uma wenqaba ukuyenza, angayisebenzisa ukuze akuthumele odabeni lwecala futhi akusole ngokuthi awumthandi ngokwanele. Iqiniso liwukuthi uma umlingani wakho ekuthanda, ubengakujabulela ukukunika inkululeko nokuzikhethela okwanele ukuze wenze izinqumo zakho ngaphandle kokuzama njalo ukukhombisa ukudumala uma ungakwenzi. Lezi yizimpawu zendoda ekhohlisayo futhi lokhu kuziphatha kudala ukuntuleka kokuphepha ngokomzwelo nokwethembana ebudlelwaneni bakho.

9. Bahlale bedlala izisulu

Uyazibuza ukuthi ungathola kanjani ukuthi isoka lakho liyakhohlisa? Bheka ukuthi uhlezi edlala yini ngemuva kokulwa. Kungenye yezimpawu ezisobala zesoka elikhohlisayo. Akunandaba ukuthi bekuyiphutha likabani. Kuyohlale kuyisoka lakho elisho izinto ezinjengokuthi “Angikholwa ukuthi wenze lokhu” noma “ungaba kanjani nomuzwa wokunganaki” noma uqhamuke nenye indaba ekhalayo emveza njengesisulu bese wena njengomenzi wecala.

Ecaphuna esinye isigameko, umngane wami uthi: “Ngahlela ukuhlangana nomngane wami wesilisa owayeyisoka lami engamazi, wacasuka futhi waba nomona waze wangiklolodela ngokuthi ngigqoke ingubo ngiyohlangana nomngane wami.

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10. Izimpawu zesoka elikhohlisayo - Lihlale likugxeka

Esinye isibonakaliso somlingani okhohlisayo ngokomzwelo ukuthi uzohlala ekugxeka futhi akwenze uzizwe uncane. Uzokwenza uzizwe sengathi ubuphila impilo yakho ngendlela engafanele kwaze kwaba yilapho efika. Kunezindlela ezimbalwa lokhu okusebenza ngazo. Enye indlela yokucabanga "yokuhlekisa nje" lapho abakhohlisi besho izinto ezibuhlungu kodwa uma ucasuka, kusobala ukuthi kuyiphutha lakho ngoba bebemane behlekisa. Uzosolwa ngokungabi umdlalo ngisho noma bephule ihlaya elinonya nelingazweli kakhulu.

Noma bangaphetha ukugxeka kwabo ngokubhuqa. Izinkulumo zabo zizokushaya ukuzethemba kwakho nokuzihlonipha kodwa bazophunyuka bethi bekuyihlaya nje. Enye indlela ukukugcona phambi kwabantu bese bekugxeka ngokudlala i-spoilsport nokwenza inkundla uma uzivikela. Isoka elingakuhloniphi futhi eligxeka kakhulu kukho konke okwenzayo liyakulawula futhi liyakhohlisa.

11. Uzokunikeza impatho eyesabekayo yokuthula

Esinye isibonakaliso esiqinisekile sesoka elikhohlisayo ukuthi liqala ukukuthulisa ngemva kokulwa noma impikiswano. Lena yindlela yomuntu okhohlisayo yokulawula imizwa yakho nokwenza uzizwe unecala futhi unesibopho sephutha ongalenzanga. Uzoyeka ukuphendula izingcingo zakho noma ukuphendula imiyalezo yakho. Ngokuyisisekelo uzozinqamula zonke izindlela zokuxhumana.

Isoka lakho liyazi ukuthi lokhu kuziphatha kuzokucasula futhi ekugcineni uzozama ukuxhumana nalo uxolise ukuze nje uqede ukulwa noma ungenalo iphutha. Ngale ndlela, ngeke kudingeke ukuthi aziphendulele ngezenzo zakhe futhi angakulawula ngokwezifiso zakhe.

12. Ubudlelwano bakho nomndeni nabangane buyathinteka

Olunye lwezimpawu ezinkulu zesoka elikhohlisayo ukuthi lizama ukulawula nokubeka imigomo yabo bonke obunye ubudlelwano obubalulekile onabo empilweni yakho - umndeni, abangani, ozakwenu, njll. UGeetarsh uthi, "Umlingani okhohlisayo ngokomzwelo uzozama ukulawula izintambo zabo bonke ubudlelwano bakho. Uzozama ukulungisa umqondo wakho futhi akunqamule nabangane bakho ukuze ukhulule abezindaba. umndeni.”

Uma ubona ukuthi isoka lakho lizama ukukuqhelelanisa nabantu osondelene nabo noma lihlale lizama ukukuyalela ukuthi uhlanganyele nobani, lokho kubomvu. Zama ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho ngakho futhi ubone ukuthi angakunikeza yini incazelo egculisayo ngokuziphatha kwakhe. Uma kungenjalo, ukhombisa izimpawu zendoda ekhohlisayo futhi kungaba ngcono uma ubungase ucabange kabusha ngobudlelwano bakho naye.

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13. Isimo sengqondo sokungenzi lutho-nolaka

Umlingani okhohlisayo uvame ukuba nolaka lapho efuna ukugwema ukungqubuzana. Uzokwenza izinto ezikucasulayo noma enze isitatimende esidelelayo nesingenaluzwela ukuze akuzwise ubuhlungu noma abonise ukukuthukuthelela kwakhe. Ukufingqa, cishe isoka lakho liyazi ukuthi kufanele liyilawule kanjani futhi nini imizwelo yalo ukuze likwazi ukulawula eyakho.

Ingabe isoka lakho liyazama ukuxhumana nawe noma ukuthola ukuthi ukuphi noma wenzani ngabangane abavamile noma ozakwenu? Ingabe unikeza izincomo zokubuyela emuva? Uma impendulo inguyebo, lokho kufanele kubhekwe njengezimpawu zendoda ekhohlisayo futhi kufanele kube isizathu sokukhathazeka.

14. Bakwenza uzizwe unecala ngokungabaza ukuziphatha kwabo

“Uma umuntu eqala ukuthandana, akaboni ukuziphatha kwabalingani bakhe, yingakho engasiboni nesidingo sokubhekana nabo.” Kukamuva nje ebuhlotsheni lapho lezi zindlela ziba yinkinga,” kusho uGeetarsh.

Umlingani okhohlisayo uzothukuthela uma umbuza noma uveza ukukhathazeka kwakho. Uzoqala impikiswano bese ekusola ngokucasuka kwakhe. UGeetarsh uyanezela, “ Ukuxhumana kubalulekile kodwa uma isoka linolaka, intombazane izophoqeleka ukucabanga kabili ngaphambi kokuphakamisa imibuzo noma ukuveza ukukhathazeka kwayo ngokwesaba ukuphathwa kabi nokunganakwa okwengeziwe.”

15. Ulawula ngokwesaba

Leli ifulegi elibomvu ngokuqinisekile. Uma isoka lakho likukhohlisa likwenza okuthile ngokukusabisa, hamba ngokushesha. Akekho ofanelwe ukusongelwa ukuze athule noma akhohliswe.

Ukufaka ukwesaba iqhinga abakhohlisi abalisebenzisayo ukuze balawule ozakwethu. Uma bazi imfihlo ngawe, bazokusabisa ngokutshela umhlaba wonke uma ungahambisani nezifiso zabo. Bazothembisa ukufeza izifiso zakho kuphela uma ufeza ezabo. Uma ungenjalo, abakhohlisi bazokusabisa futhi basebenzise ukwesaba ukuze balawule imizwelo yakho. Bangafinyelela nasekukusabiseni ngodlame.

Ukuphinda, akulona iphutha lakho. Awufanele ukusetshenziswa. Yazi ukuthi kungenzeka ukuhlonza umlingani okhohlisayo bese usuka ebudlelwaneni bakho obunengqondo nokuzihlonipha kwakho kuphelele futhi uphakamise ikhanda.

UGeetarsh uphetha ngokuthi, “Kubalulekile ukuthi wazi ukuthi yini oyifunayo ebuhlotsheni bakho nokuthi umlingani wakho ukhululekile kangakanani ekukulaleleni nasekukuqondeni. Imingcele ethile akufanele yeqiwe. Uma lokho kwenzeka, kuwuphawu lwakho lokuhamba.

Uma uzizwa sengathi ubhajwe ebudlelwaneni obukhohlisayo ngokomzwelo kodwa ungakwazi ukuphuma kubo, cabanga ngokufuna usizo. Abeluleki abanekhono eqenjini le-Bonobology bangakunikeza isiqondiso esifanele kanye nosizo lokubhekana nalesi simo esinzima futhi uthole indlela yokuphuma.

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.