Ukusolwa ngokukopela lapho umsulwa kungadala ukucindezeleka okujulile futhi kuqede ukwethembana. Ukumangalela okungamanga kuvame ukuvela ngenxa yokungazethembi, ukuqagela, noma ukukhaphela okwedlule, futhi indlela enempilo yokuphendula iwukukhulumisana okuzolile, ukubeka imingcele, ukunikeza ukucaciseleka, nokufuna usizo lochwepheshe uma iphethini iqhubeka.
Ukusolwa ngokukopela lapho umsulwa kungaba yinto edabukisayo futhi edidayo. Cabangela indaba kaJake no-Emily. Bebendawonye iminyaka emithathu emangalisayo futhi babelane ngezikhathi ezingenakubalwa zenjabulo, ukuhleka, nothando. Ngobunye ubusuku, u-Jake ufika ekhaya ukuze athole u-Emily ethukuthele. Unesiqiniseko sokuthi ubengathembekile ngemuva kokubona ingosi yezokuxhumana engacacile evela kumngani wabo bobabili. Naphezu kokuphikisa kwakhe ukungabi nacala, ukumangalelwa kuka-Emily kuya ngokuya kuqina, kulimaza uJake.
Indlela evamile yokusabela lapho usolwa ngamanga ihlanganisa ukushaqeka, intukuthelo, nokudideka. Kungenzeka kanjani ukuthi ubudlelwano bokwethembana buwohloke ngokushesha okungaka ngenxa yokungaqondi? Umuntu omthandayo nomethembayo angacabanga kanjani ukuthi uzomkhaphela? Ukumangalela okungamanga kungalimaza kakhulu ubudlelwano benu, kudale ukungathembani nokungazethembi.
Sikhulume nomeluleki wezengqondo Dhriti Bhavsar (M.Sc, Clinical Psychology), onguchwepheshe kwezobudlelwano, ukuhlukana, kanye nokwelulekwa kwe-LGBTQ, mayelana nokumangalelwa okungamanga okusho, izimbangela nezimpawu zokumangalelwa okungamanga, ukuthi ukumangalela okungamanga kubulimaza kanjani ubudlelwano, nokuthi ungaphendula kanjani lapho othile ekusola ngento ongayenzanga.
Kungani Umlingani Wakho Emangalela Amanga - Izizathu Ezivamile
Okuqukethwe
Ngaphambi kokuthi sifinyelele ekutheni kungani, masiqonde incazelo yokumangalelwa ngamanga. Kusho ukusola umuntu ngento angayenzanga. Ngokuvamile kubangelwa ukungezwani, ukungazethembi, noma ubudlelwano obudlule. Lezi zimangalo ezingenasisekelo nezingenasisekelo zingalimaza imizwa, zilimaze ukwethembana, futhi zidale ukungezwani, kwenze kube semqoka ukubhekana nazo ngokuzola nangokungakhethi.
Ukumangalela njalo ebudlelwaneni kungase kubangele umonakalo unomphela uma kusingathwa ngokungalungile, yingakho ukuqonda ukuthi kungani umlingani wakho emangalela amanga kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokuxazulula inkinga. Lapho uqonda isizathu sokuziphatha okunjalo, uzokwazi ukuqonda isimo futhi uthole ukuthi yini okufanele yenziwe ukuze ugweme imizwa enjalo. Qhubeka ufunde ukuze wazi izizathu ezimbalwa ezivamile zokusolwa okunjalo.
Izimbangela ezivamile zokumangalelwa okungamanga:
- Ukuqagela kokungazethembi kwabo
- Izinkinga zokuthembela
- Ukungafani kwezitayela zokunamathiselwe
- Ithonya labanye
- ukukhanya kwegesi
- Ukuhlanekezela kwengqondo yabamangaleli
1. Baveza ukungazethembi kwabo kuwe
Ukusola umuntu ngamanga ngokukopela kusho okuningi ngommangaleli kunomuntu omsolayo. Uma ubhekene nengwadla yezinsolo ezinjalo, kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi lokhu akuphathelene nawe njengoba kungase kube mayelana nomlingani wakho ozama ukufihla ukungazethembi kwakhe.
I-Projection iyindlela yokuzivikela lapho umuntu ohlangabezana nemizwa engemihle ngokwakhe esola abanye abaseduze kwakhe ngokuba nomuzwa ofanayo ngoba kubuhlungu kubo ukwamukela okufanayo ngaphakathi kubo. Ngokwesibonelo, a umlingani onomona besola abashade nabo ngokuba yisikhwele.
Dhriti Bhavsar, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo
Lapho ubudlelwano bomuntu nabo bumosheka, ubuhlobo babo nawo wonke umuntu nabo buba nesiphetho esifanayo. Ngakho-ke lapho umlingani wakho eqala ukumangalela amanga, ngokuvamile kungenxa yokuthi:
- Abakholwa ukuthi balufanele uthando
- Banomuzwa wokuthi abalungile ngokwanele, yingakho bengase baveze le mizwa ebuhlotsheni
- Bakholelwa ukuthi ungathola kalula umuntu ongcono kunabo
- Bona ngokwabo bahileleke ekungathembeki futhi ukukusola kuyindlela yabo yokunciphisa icala labo noma ukwesaba ukutholwa.
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2. Izinkinga zokuthembela
Uma kube khona umlando wokuphuka kwethemba, ngisho nasezindleleni ezincane, umlingani wakho angase akuthole kunzima ukukukholelwa. Lokhu kuntuleka kokwethembana kungabonakala njengokumangalelwa okungenasisekelo kokukopela, njengoba kungase kusheshe ukucabanga okubi kakhulu ngaphandle kobufakazi obuqinile. Dhriti uthi,
“Kungenzeka ukuthi umlingani wakho ubhekene naye izindaba zokuthembela. Ngakho-ke, bakuthola kunzima ukuba nokholo kuwe noma bakwenze ube nokungabaza.”
Dhriti Bhavsar, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo
Esinye isizathu kungaba ubudlelwano obehlulekile esikhathini esidlule. Okwenzeka esikhathini esidlule, ikakhulukazi lezo ezihilela ukukhaphela noma ukungathembeki, zingashiya izibazi ezihlala njalo. Uma umlingani wakho ekhohliswe esikhathini esidlule, angase athwale lokho kwesaba ebuhlotsheni bakho bamanje. Lokhu kungaholela ekukhuleni kokusola kanye nokuthambekela kokukumangalela ngamanga ngokukopela njengendlela yokuzivikela ukuze ugweme ukuphinde ulimale.
3. Ukungafani kwezitayela zokunamathisela
Isitayela somuntu sokunamathisela sisho okuningi mayelana nendlela abaxhumana ngayo kanye nomuzwa wothando. Izitayela zokunamathisela, eyathuthukiswa isencane ngokusekelwe ekusebenzelaneni nabanakekeli, ithonya indlela abantu ababona futhi baziphathe ngayo ebuhlotsheni. UDhriti uyachaza,
"Isitayela sokunamathisela esingavikelekile ngenxa yokulimala okudlule kusukela ebuntwaneni noma ebudlelwaneni bangaphambili singaba nomthelela omkhulu ekungabonini kahle nasezinsolweni zokukhohlisa ezingamanga."
Dhriti Bhavsar, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo
Uma umlingani wakho enesitayela sokunamathisela esikhathazayo, angabona izinkomba zokungathembeki kokuthi:
- Izenzo ezizimele
- Noma isidingo sesikhala somuntu siqu
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abantu abanesitayela sokunamathisela sokugwema:
- Kwazise ukuzimela kwabo
- Futhi ungase ungakhululeki ngokusondelana kakhulu.
Uma unesitayela sokunamathisela esigwemayo futhi umlingani wakho engasiqondi isidingo sakho sesikhala, angase ahumushe ngokungeyikho ukuziphatha kwakho njengezimpawu zokufihla noma ukukopela.
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4. Ithonya labanye
Uma uzibuza, “Kungani intombi yami ihlale ingisola ngokukopela?” noma "Kungani umlingani wami ehlala engibeka icala lokungathembeki?", bese wazi ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi, amathonya angaphandle afana nalokhu:
- Friends
- Family
- ezokuxhum
... ingahlwanyela imbewu yokungabaza. Uma othile osondelene nomlingani wakho ephakamisa ukuthi ungaba ukukopela ebuhlotsheni, kungase kubangele izinsolo ezingenasisekelo. Imibono kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwabanye kungaba nomthelela onamandla endleleni umlingani wakho abheka ngayo izenzo zakho nezinhloso zakho.
5. Ezinye izici zesimo nezingokwengqondo
Nazi ezinye izizathu ezingenzeka, nakuba zingajwayelekile, zokusola umlingani wakho ngokukopela ngaphandle kobufakazi:
Ukukhwabanisa nokukhanyisa igesi
Ukumangalelwa okungamanga kokukopela kuvame ukugqagqana nokukhanya kwegesi ebudlelwaneni, okuyindlela yokukhohlisa engokwengqondo lapho omunye uzakwethu ephika noma ehlanekezela amaqiniso ukuze enze omunye angabaze iqiniso lawo. Ngokwesibonelo, ummangaleli angase athi, “Ubulokhu ufihla,” ngisho noma lokho kungelona iqiniso, ukuze athethelele izinsolo zabo ezingapheli. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, umlingani osolwayo uqala:
- Ukungabaza inkumbulo yabo, iphimbo, noma izenzo
- Ukwenza ukudideka
- Ukuzizwa benecala ngento abangakaze bayenze
Ukuhlanekezela kwengqondo kummangaleli
Ukumangalelwa okungamanga okuningi kubhebhezelwa ukuhlanekezelwa kwengqondo noma izihlungi zengqondo ezisonta umbono. Ezivamile zihlanganisa:
- Ukucabanga okumnyama nokumhlophe: “Uma ungatholakali ngaso sonke isikhathi, kumelwe ukuba kukhona okufihlayo”
- Ukwenza inhlekelele: “Umoyizele othile, ngakho-ke uyakhohlisa ngempela”
- Ukufunda ingqondo: “Ngiyazi unamanga noma uthi awuyena”
Lokhu kuhlanekezela kuvela ngenxa yokungavikeleki, ukuhlukumezeka okungaxazululiwe, noma ukukhathazeka, futhi kwenza ukuxhumana okunenjongo kucishe kungenzeki kuze kube yilapho kusingathwa khona ngokwelashwa.
“Izimo ezithile zengqondo, njenge-paranoia nezinye ezihlobene izinkinga zempilo yengqondo kungaba yizisusa zokumangalelwa ngamanga. Lezi zimo zingaphazamisa umbono womlingani wakho ngeqiniso, ziholele ekukholelweni ekungathembeki ngaphandle kobufakazi bangempela.”
Dhriti Bhavsar, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo
Umthelela Wengqondo Wokusolwa Ngokukhohlisa
Ngaphambi kokuthi sixoxe ngokuthi ungalisula kanjani igama lakho ekumangaleleni okungamanga ebuhlotsheni bothando, ake siphendule omunye umbuzo obalulekile: ingabe uhlale usola umuntu ngokuhlukumeza ngokukopela? Yebo kunjalo. Ukuhlala usola umuntu ngento angayenzanga kuwukuhlukumeza futhi imiphumela engokwengqondo yokumangalelwa okungamanga ebudlelwaneni kungaba nomthelela omkhulu empilweni yengqondo kanye nenhlalakahle yomuntu ekupheleni kokumangalelwa okunjalo.
Izinsolo ezingamanga zokukopela zingadala umonakalo ebudlelwaneni bothando, okuvame ukuholela ekulimaleni kwabo ekugcineni. Lapho othile esolwa ngokungeyikho ngokungethembeki, izisekelo zokwethembana nenhlonipho zingabhidlika, zidale umonakalo ohlala njalo. Ngokuka-Dhriti, ngezansi izindlela ukuhlukumezeka okuvela ekusolwa ngokukhohlisa kuthinta impilo yengqondo yesisulu futhi kucekele phansi ubudlelwano:
Umthelela ongokwengqondo wokusolwa ngamanga ngokukopela:
- Ukwethembana kuyancipha
- Intukuthelo
- Ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo
- Ukuzenyeza
- Ukukhathazeka nokucindezeleka
1. Kwehlisa ukwethembana nokholo
Ukwethembana kuyisisekelo sanoma ibuphi ubudlelwano bokwethembana. Ukumangalelwa njalo ebudlelwaneni kwehlisa lokhu kuthembana, okwenza kube nzima kozakwethu ukuthi bakholwe komunye nomunye.
- Lokhu kuguguleka kokuthembana kwenza buthaka isibopho nokholo olubambe ubudlelwano ndawonye
- Uzakwethu osolwayo angase athwale kanzima ukwethemba ukuthi umlingani wakhe uzoba nokholo kuye ukuthi aqhubekele phambili
- Ummangaleli angase aqhubeke nokungabaza
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2. Idala ubutha namagqubu
Kunjani ukuhlale usola umuntu ngokukopela ukuhlukumeza, ungase ubuze? UDhriti uthi, “Ukumangalelwa ngamanga kubangela inzondo nentukuthelo ngenxa yokungakholelwa, ukuqondwa nokuhlonishwa.
Uzakwethu osolwayo uzizwa engaqondwa kahle futhi engahlonishwa, okuholela emizweni ejulile efana nentukuthelo nokukhungatheka. Ukuntula inkolelo nokuqonda okuvela kumlingani wabo kukhuthaza ukujula ukucasuka ebudlelwaneni, okungaba inselele ukuyinqoba. Lobu butha bungangena kuzo zonke izici zobudlelwano, kwenze ukubuyisana kube nzima.
3. Ibangela ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo neziyaluyalu
Ukuhlala uzivikele ezinsolweni ezingamanga ezinjalo kuholela ekucindezelekeni okukhulu okungokomzwelo kanye nesiyaluyalu. Uzakwethu osolwayo uhlangabezana nesivunguvungu semizwa enamandla, okuhlanganisa:
- Ukukhathazeka
- Anger
- Intukuthelo
- Uzungu
Umuzwa oqhubekayo wokulahlwa kwezothando kanye nokungakholelwa kungabangela ubuhlungu obukhulu bomzwelo, uphazamise ukuvumelana kobudlelwane.
Phakathi ku cwaningo mayelana nezinsolo ezingamanga zokuhlukumeza, abacwaningi bathola imiphumela phakathi kwabamangalelwa ihlanganisa izimpawu zokucindezeleka (48%), ukushintshashintsha komndeni (92%), ukulahlekelwa ukuxhumana nezingane/umndeni (98%), kanye nokukhubazeka kokugxila emsebenzini (44%).
4. Kusongela ukuzethemba nokuzethemba
Ukumangalelwa okungamanga kungaba usongo olukhulu ekuzethembeni nasekuzethembeni. Uma lezi zinsolo zikhula zize zishiswe ngegesi, isisulu singase siqale ukuzibuza, sizibuze ukuthi ngandlela-thile kufaneleka yini ukuphathwa okunjalo. Lokhu kukhohlisa kwemizwa:
- Futhi kwehlisa ukuzethemba kwabo emibonweni nasezenzweni zabo.
- Kungacekela phansi umuzwa wabo wokuzethemba
- Benze bazizwe benecala
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5. Kuholela ekukhathazekeni nasekucindezelekeni
Enye impendulo ebalulekile yokuthi uhlale usola umuntu ngokukopela ukuhlukumeza ukuthi kungaholela ezinkingeni ezinzima zempilo yengqondo. Uzakwethu osolwayo angase ahlangabezane:
- Usizi
- Ukuphelelwa yithemba
- Ukuswela usizo
Lokhu kungagcina kuphenduke ukukhathazeka noma ukudangala. Ukucindezeleka okungokomzwelo okungapheli kanye nesiyaluyalu kuphazamisa inhlalakahle yabo engokwengqondo, okwenza kube nzima ukugcina umbono omuhle ngempilo nobuhlobo.
Indlela Yokuphendula Uma Usolwa Ngokukopela?
Manje njengoba sesikhulume ngezizathu nemiphumela yokumangalela umuntu ngamanga ngokungethembeki, ake sixoxe ngokuthi ungalisula kanjani igama lakho ekumangaleleni okungamanga. Ngokwemvelo, ukuthukuthela ngokumangalelwa okungenasisekelo cishe kuyimpendulo kubantu abaningi. Nokho, udinga ukwazi ukuthi ngeke kusize icala lakho. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma unganakile nhlobo, uphuza ikhofi lakho ngenkathi ukhuluma ngephimbo elinomuntu okhohlakele, uzobukeka njengesidlakela. Ngakho, yini ngempela okufanele uyenze? Nazi izinyathelo ezibalulekile ongazithatha ukuze uzulazule kulesi simo.
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1. Zola
Indlela evamile yokusabela lapho usolwa ngamanga ngokuvamile intukuthelo. Nokho, into engcono kakhulu ongayenza uma usolwa ngokukopela kodwa umsulwa lawula intukuthelo yakho. Ukucasulwa ngokuphelele yicala kuzoholela kulokhu:
- Omunye wenu ephuma ngesankahlu
- Ingxoxo ayifinyeleli esiphethweni
- Ukwenza ubukeke unecala
Cishe kuzoba yinto enzima kakhulu okuzomele uyenze, kodwa uma ungahlala uzolile, maningi amathuba okuthi ingxoxo ephusile yenzeke futhi ifinyelele esiphethweni.
Ucwaningo yabonisa ukuthi abantu besithathu ngokuvamile bahumusha intukuthelo yommangalelwa njengenkomba yokuthi unecala nakuba intukuthelo ingeyona inkomba efanelekile yecala.
2. Ungawujiki kubo
"Hawu, Nginguye lowo okhohlisayo? Kuthiwani uma…” Cha, ungamjikijeli umlingani wakho bese uzibandakanya ukugxeka. Emizweni yakho egcwele intukuthelo, ungase uveze izinto ngomlingani wakho ezikuthukuthelisayo, okungenzeka zigcine zenza ubuhlobo bulimaza kakhulu kunokuhle. Uma uzivikela ngokweqile futhi ushintsha isihloko sengxabano, kuzogcina kukwenza ubukeke usolisa kakhulu.
Ukumangalela okungamanga kubangela ubutha namagqubu, kwenze ubuhlobo bube buthaka.
Dhriti Bhavsar, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo
Uma usolwa ngokukopela umsulwa, kubalulekile ukuthi uhlale uzolile futhi uzame ukusabalalisa isimo kuqala. Izinkinga onazo ungazilinda njengoba umlingani wakho engekho esimweni esihle sengqondo njengamanje.
3. Qonda izizathu zabo kanye nombono wabo
Ukumangalelwa okungamanga kuvame ukuvela kulokhu:
- Izigigaba zesikhathi esidlule ezibuhlungu
- yokungazethembi
- Ukuzenyeza
- Izinkinga zokulawula
Ukuqonda umbono wabo kungakusiza uxazulule umsuka wezinsolo zabo. UDhriti uyachaza, "Khumbula ukuthi le nkinga imayelana nomlingani wakho kakhulu kunawe. Cela ukucaciselwa. Buza umlingani wakho ukuthi umcabango wokuthi uyamkhohlisa uvelaphi. Lalela umbono wabo futhi unikeze ukuqinisekiswa kanye nesiqiniseko." Uma uzama ukubhekana nezinsolo ezingamanga ebudlelwaneni, into engcono kakhulu ongayenza ukufaka isigqoko sakho sobuseshi, esikhundleni sokuzilungiselela ukulwa. Zama ukuqonda:
- Kungani umlingani wakho ezizwa ngale ndlela?
- Ingabe baye bakhohliswa ebudlelwaneni obudlule?
- Ingabe banokungazethembi okungase kubhebhethekise lezi zinsolo?
Cela izibonelo ezithile noma izimo lapho benomuzwa wokuthi wenze ngendlela ethile.
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4. Gwema ukuzivikela
Ukumangalelwa okungamanga kuvame ukubangela ukungezwani okuningi. Ummangaleli angase ahumushe ngokungeyikho izenzo ezingenacala njengezisolisayo, kuyilapho ummangalelwa angase azivikele. Lokhu kuphinde kwenze ubuhlobo bube buthaka, kudala umjikelezo wokungabaza nokungqubuzana phakathi kombhangqwana. Ngakho-ke, noma ususa izimpawu zokumangalelwa okungamanga, qiniseka ukuthi:
- Yazisa imizwa yomlingani wakho esikhundleni sokuyichitha
- Qinisekisa imizwa yabo
- Baqinisekise ngeyakho ukuzibophezela ebuhlotsheni
- Siza umlingani wakho abhekane nokungazethembi kwakhe
Kuzokwenza umlingani wakho azizwe sengathi imizwa yakhe kanye nokukhathazeka kubalulekile kuwe. Kuzosiza nobabili nisebenze ndawonye ukwakha ubudlelwano bokwethembana.
I-5. Zinakekele
Impilo yakho yengqondo ingase ihambe kancane uma ukumangalelwa kuqhubeka. Kubalulekile ukuthi uzinakekele futhi ubeke phambili inhlalakahle yakho iyonke. UDhriti uyancoma:
- Ukukhuluma nabangani nomndeni
- Ukuncika ohlelweni lwakho lokusekela
- Ukuqinisekisa ukuthi awuzinaki izidingo zakho ngenkathi uzama ukuxazulula inkinga
- Ukuzibandakanya ukuzinakekela imisebenzi
- Ukugcina indlela yokuphila enempilo
Ukuzinakekela kuzokusiza ululame futhi uqhubeke.
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6. Funa usizo lochwepheshe
"Uma izinsolo ziqhubeka, cabanga ngokwelashwa kwabashadile", kuncoma u-Dhriti. Umelaphi angakwazi:
- Siza ukulamula ingxoxo
- Nikeza ngamasu okwakha kabusha ukwethembana
- Nikeza ngendawo ephephile nengathathi hlangothi ukuze wena nozakwenu nibhekane nezinkinga eziwumsuka
- Usizo thuthukisa igebe lokuxhumana noma inkinga
Ukubhekana nokumangalelwa okungamanga kungaba inselele, futhi ukuqondisa kochwepheshe kungenza umehluko omkhulu.
7. Zindla ngobudlelwano
Ngokuka-Dhriti, uzakwethu ekugcineni kokumangalelwa kufanele "athathe isinyathelo emuva futhi abheke ukuguquguquka kobudlelwano" okuholele esimweni esinjalo ngaphambi kokwenza noma yisiphi isinqumo. Uncoma ukuqaphela iphethini yokuhlukumeza - bona ukuthi:
- Lena iphethini ephindayo
- Umlingani wakho unokusabela okungokomzwelo okungalingani
- Bazama ukukwenza uzizwe unecala
- Kuyindlela yabo yokulawula nokukuhlazisa
Siyavuma. Kufanele uthathe isinyathelo emuva futhi ucabange ngobudlelwano nekhanda elizolile. Ingabe lezi zinsolo zenzeke kanye nje, noma ingabe kukhona ukungathembani? Ukuqonda kwakho ubudlelwano obuguqukayo ingakusiza ukuthi unqume ukuthi uzoqhubeka kanjani.
8. Beka imingcele
Ukusolwa ngokukopela njalo kungase kukhathale futhi kukulimaze, yingakho uDhriti etusa “ukumisa imingcele enempilo” ukuze uvikele inhlalakahle yakho engokomzwelo. Khuluma nozakwenu mayelana:
- Inqubomgomo
- Transparency
- Indawo yomuntu siqu
- Ukuxhumana
Veza ngokucacile ukuthi yini eyamukelekayo nengamukeleki. Batshele ukuthi kuzoba nemiphumela uma le mingcele yephulwa. Yazisa umlingani wakho ukuthi nakuba uzimisele ukuxoxa ngezinto ezimkhathazayo, ukumangalela okungenasisekelo njalo akwamukeleki.
9. Gcina ukukhulumisana ngokukhululekile
Uma usolwa ngokukopela lapho umsulwa, veza imizwa yakho futhi ucacise ukuma kwakho. Chaza ngomoya ophansi ukuthi awukopela. Ukuxhumana okuvulekile kuyisihluthulelo sokuxazulula ukungezwani ebudlelwaneni. Kuyo yonke inqubo, lwela uku:
- Gcina imigqa yokuxhumana nozakwenu ivulekile
- Sebenzisa ukuxhumana okugomelayo
- Baqinisekise njalo
- Bakhuthaze ukuthi bafune usizo lochwepheshe, uma kudingeka
UDhriti uthi, “Khuthaza umlingani wakho ukuthi asebenzise izitatimende ezithi ‘Mina’—”Ngizizwe … ngenkathi wenza…”, esikhundleni sokuthi “Wenzile …. kimina.” Lokhu kuguqula ukugxila emzwelweni esikhundleni sokusola.” Kukhuthaza isisulu ukuba sigxile futhi siveze indlela esizizwa ngayo esikhundleni sokuhileleka emdlalweni wokusola nomlingani waso.”
Nokho, uyaxwayisa, “Akuwona wedwa umthwalo wemfanelo wakho ukususa konke ukungaboni ngaso linye, kuwumzamo owabelana ngawo.
10. Uma uzizwa ucindezelwe, hamba
Ukumangalelwa ngamanga ngokukopela nsuku zonke kungase kucindezele futhi kukuncishe umoya. Uma umlingani wakho eqala ukukubheka sengathi usemncane -
- Izingcingo eziqhubekayo
- Ukukubuza mayelana nokuthi ukuphi nokuthi uhlangana nobani
- Idlula ngefoni yakho nama-imeyili
- Ukulandela inkundla yakho yezokuxhumana
…lapho-ke ungase ufune ukububheka kabusha ubudlelwano bakho. Uma umlingani wakho eqhubeka nokukumangalela ngamanga naphezu kwemizamo yakho emihle, kungase kube isikhathi sokuhamba. Ukuhlala usola umuntu ngokukopela kuwuhlobo lwe ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo.
Imiphumela engokwengqondo yokumangalelwa okungamanga ebudlelwaneni ihlanganisa izindaba zokwethembana okwedlulele okunzima ukuzilungisa. Ubudlelwano kufanele bukusize ube inguqulo engcono kakhulu yakho futhi ukwenze ujabule. Uma kukwenza uqambe amanga ngokuthi ublome nobani, kusho ukuthi ubuhlobo obungaphilile noma obunamandla ukuba phakathi kwabo. Inhlalakahle yakho kufanele ize kuqala ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 19 Izibonelo Zemingcele Enempilo Ebudlelwaneni
11. Nikeza ubufakazi futhi usule igama lakho
Ukunikeza ubufakazi bokusekela ubumsulwa bakho kubalulekile ukuze usule igama lakho ekumangaleleni okungamanga. Uma kunobufakazi bokuthi ukumangalelwa kungamanga, kuveze kumlingani wakho. Lokhu kungasiza ekuqedeni noma yikuphi ukungabaza noma ukukhathazeka okungenzeka babe nakho futhi kuqinise udaba lwakho. Lokhu kungase kuhlanganise:
- Ukwabelana ngendawo yakho
- Ibonisa imilayezo
- Kubandakanya abangani bobabili noma amalungu omndeni angakuqinisekisa
Nakuba kungase kuzwakale kuhlasela, ngezinye izikhathi ubufakazi obuphathekayo buyadingeka ukuze usule igama lakho ekumangaleleni okungamanga. Isithunzi sakho akumele sonakaliswe ngokungafanele. “Namathela eqinisweni lakho futhi ube nokholo kuwena. Ziqinisekise wena nolwazi lwakho,” kusho uDhriti.
Ungakuqinisa Kanjani Ukwethemba Futhi Uvimbele Ukumangalelwa Kwamanga
Ukusolwa ngamanga kanye kunganyakazisa ukuzethemba kwakho, kodwa uma kwenzeka ngokuphindaphindiwe, kubonisa inkinga ejulile: ukuntuleka ukuphepha ngokomzwelo kanye nokwethemba. Izindaba ezinhle ukuthi imibhangqwana ingaphinde yakhe lokhu kuphepha ngezenzo ezingaguquki, ezisobala.
Yini eyakha ukwethembana:
- Ukuxhumana okusobala
- Sula okulindelwe
- ukungaguquguquki
- ukuba sengcupheni
- Ukuholwa ngokomsebenzi
- Ukungena njalo
1. Zijwayeze ukuxhumana okusobala
Ukuvuleka kudala ukuphepha. Esikhundleni sokuchaza kakhulu konke okwenzayo, vumelana ngokuthi ukubonakala obala kubukeka kanjani nobabili.
Lokho kungase kusho ukuthi:
- Ningena kanye ngosuku uma nihlukene
- Ukwethembeka ngezinhlelo ngaphandle kokwesaba ukuphenywa
- Ukugcina amaphasiwedi eyimfihlo kodwa ukuziphatha kuvuliwe
Ukungafihli akukona ukulawula; imayelana nokususa indawo lapho okucatshangwayo kuzala khona.
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2. Misa okulindelekile nemingcele ecacile
Izinsolo zivame ukuvela lapho imingcele ingacacile. Hlalani phansi nixoxisane ngokuthi ukwethembeka, ubumfihlo, nenhlonipho kusho ukuthini komunye nomunye wenu.
Ngokwesibonelo:
- Ingabe kulungile ukudla isidlo sasemini nomuntu owake wasebenza naye?
- Ungena kaningi kangakanani phakathi nohambo lomsebenzi?
- Iziphi izinhlobo zokusebenzisana ku-inthanethi ozizwa kungenanhlonipho?
Lezi zingxoxo zingase zizizwe zingakhululekile, kodwa zivimbela ukungezwani kamuva. Imingcele, lapho kuvunyelwana ngayo, isebenza njengemephu eyabiwe, hhayi ikheji.
3. Yakha ukwethembana ngokusebenzisa ukungaguquguquki
Ukwethemba akwakhelwa ngezikhathi ezithile izimpawu zothando; yakhelwe ngamaphethini. Gcina izithembiso, bonisa ngesikhathi, futhi usho lokho okushoyo. Kwakha ukwethembana lapho izenzo ezincane zihambisana namagama, njenge:
- Ibuyisela izingcingo
- Ukuhlonipha izibopho
- Ukubonisa ubukhona bemizwa
Ngisho nangemva kokusolwa ngamanga, ukungaguquguquki emazwini nasezenzweni zakho kusiza umlingani wakho ukuthi ahlaziye umbono wakhe ngawe.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukuqamba Amanga Ngokungenzi Kanye Nemiphumela Yako Ebudlelwaneni
4. Yenza ukuba sengozini kube umkhuba
Ukumangalelwa okungamanga kuvame ukuvela ngenxa yokwesaba:
- Ukulahlekelwa
- Ukwenqaba
- Noma ukulimala futhi
Ikhambi liwukuthi ubungozi bomzwelo. Shintshanani ukwabelana ngokwesaba kwakho noma ukungazethembi ngaphandle kokwahlulela. Ukuvuleleka okunjalo kusiza ekuguquleni izinsolo zibe uzwela. Ukuba sengozini kwakha ukusondelana futhi kukhumbuza bobabili ozakwethu ukuthi basohlangothini olulodwa.
5. Funa isiqondiso sochwepheshe kusenesikhathi
Awudingi ukulinda isimo esibucayi ukuze uthole ukwelashwa. Ukwelashwa kombhangqwana isiza ozakwethu ukuthi baqonde izimbangela zemizwa yomunye nomunye, izikhala zokuxhumana, nezitayela zokunamathisela ngaphambi kokuthi zidlulele ekumangaleleni noma ekucasukeni. Umelaphi ongathathi hlangothi angaphinde afundise amasu okulawula imizwa ngakho-ke akekho ozakwethu obalekela ukusola noma ukuzivikela lapho kuphakama imicabango yokukhathazeka.
6. Vakashela kabusha ukwethenjwa njengomkhuba oqhubekayo
Ubudlelwano buyashintsha, kanjalo nezivumelwano zakho zokuthembana kufanele. Njalo ezinyangeni ezimbalwa, zindla ngemibuzo efana nalena:
- "Ngabe ngisazizwa ngiphephile ngokomzwelo uma nginawe?"
- “Ingabe ikhona imikhuba esiqala ukungenza ngingakhululeki?”
- “Yini engisiza ngizizwe ngixhumene futhi ngivikelekile?”
Ukungena okumatasa kuguqula ukusolwa okungaba yizingxoxo ezinempilo. Baguqula ukungezwani kwemizwelo kube ukusebenzisana.
imibuzo ejwayelekile ukubuzwa
Uma umlingani wakho elokhu ekusola ngokukopela, ngokuvamile kusho ukuthi uveza ukungazethembi kwakhe kuwe. Kungenzeka ukuthi abaziqondi izenzo zakho, kodwa ikakhulukazi kungenxa yezinkinga zokwethembana. Bangase babe nakho izici zobunikazi futhi uzame ukukulawula. Ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu, kungaba yibona abakopelayo noma kungaba indlela yabo yokukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo.
Uma usolwa ngamanga ngokukopela, zama ukuthula. Bheka umlingani wakho emehlweni umtshele ukuthi awukaze wenze ukungathembeki. Nikeza ubufakazi - ukwabelana ngendawo yakho, ukukhombisa imilayezo, noma ngisho nokubandakanya abangani bobabili noma amalungu omndeni angakuqinisekisa - ukusekela ubumsulwa bakho futhi aqede noma yikuphi ukungabaza okungenzeka babe nakho. Njengoba ukhuluma iqiniso, ngeke kube khona ukungqubuzana endabeni yakho noma kunjalo. Kodwa-ke, naphezu kwemizamo yakho yangempela, kungase kunganeli njengoba ukungazethembi kozakwenu ngeke kuphele ngaphandle komsebenzi omningi.
Abakhohlisi bangase bazame ukukuphendulela, basole, futhi bakwenze ungabaze iqiniso lakho. Bazobukela phansi ukubaluleka kwesimo futhi bazame ukubalekela i-scot-free. Ezimweni ezihlukumezayo, bangase babe nobudlova ngokomzimba noma bakusabise ngokukulimaza.
Okuwukuphela kwendlela yokuqinisekisa ukuthi umuntu unecala lokukopela uma unobufakazi, noma uma bevuma ukwenza lokho ngokwabo. Ukuqagela, ukuqagela, nokuzama ukuthola iziphetho ekuphenduleni kwabo kushiya isikhala esiningi samaphutha.
Izikhombi Ezibalulekile
- Ukumangalelwa okungamanga kokukopela kuvame ukuvela ekungazethembini kommangaleli, ulwazi lwangaphambilini, noma izinkinga ezingokwengqondo.
- Ukusolwa ngokukopela lapho umsulwa kungadala ukuhlukumezeka okukhulu ngokomzwelo, okuhlanganisa intukuthelo, ukucasuka, nokungabaza, ngokuvamile okubangela ukulimala okuhlala njalo empilweni engokwengqondo nengokomzwelo yabo bobabili abahililekile.
- Hlala uzolile, uzwela, futhi ugweme ukuziphatha kokuzivikela noma ukuziphindiselela lapho usolwa ngamanga ukuze wenze kube lula ukuxhumana nokuqonda okwakhayo.
- Ukwelulekwa kochwepheshe kungaba yinzuzo ekuxazululeni izinkinga eziwumsuka nokwakha kabusha ukwethembana, kuyilapho ukumisa imingcele ecacile nokugcina ukukhulumisana okukhululekile kubalulekile ekuhloniphaneni nokuphepha ngokomzwelo.
- Uma ukumangalelwa kuthatha uhlobo lokuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo, beka phambili inhlalakahle yomuntu siqu futhi ucabange ukushiya ubuhlobo
Imicabango Final
Ukusolwa ngokukopela lapho umsulwa kuyisenzakalo esibuhlungu esingaba nemiphumela ehlala njalo engokwengqondo ebuhlotsheni. Ukumangalelwa ngamanga kungaqeda ukwethembana, kuthinte ukusondelana, futhi kukwenze uzizwe ujulile njengentukuthelo, ubuhlungu, nokucasuka. Uma uzithola usesimweni esifanayo, khumbula ukuthi awuwedwa kulo mshikashika. Imibhangqwana eminingi iye yabhekana nezinselele ezinjalo futhi yavela inamandla kunangaphambili. Ngendlela efanele, ungakwazi ukuzivikela kulezi zimangalo ezilimazayo futhi uthole indlela yokwelapha nokuxazulula.
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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
