Isitayela Esinamathiselwe Esingavikelekile Ebudlelwaneni: Izimbangela & Indlela Yokunqoba

Ngolunye usuku, umlingani wakho angase abe yizimvemvane, akuqinisekise ngothando nokwethembana enibelana ngakho. Okulandelayo, ngokuzumayo bazulazula egumbini labo futhi bakufonele njalo emizuzwini emi-4 ngoba uphume nabangani bakho ngoMgqibelo ebusuku. Ungaba sebuhlotsheni obungavikelekile bokunamathiselwe?

Impela, ukuqaqa isitayela sokunamathiselwe esingavikelekile akulula njengokubheka inombolo yamakholi aphuthelwe ozakwenu akunike wona. Lapho ukusunduza kufika ukusunduza, izimpawu zingase zibe nzima kakhulu ngoba akekho othanda ukuvuma ukuthi bathanda ngale ndlela yokukhathazeka.

Ukuqonda ukuthi kungani uzithola usebudlelwaneni bokunamathelana obungavikelekile nokuthi yini okufanele uyenze ngabo kuba yinto edingekayo lapho umlingani wakho eqala ukungakwethembi ngoba ubeke amazwana ezithombeni ezimbalwa ze-Instagram. Lapha ukusiza ekuxazululeni leli cala uchwepheshe wezokwelapha ingqondo uDkt. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), ochwepheshe kwelulekwa ngobudlelwano kanye nokwelashwa kokuziphatha okunengqondo.

Kuyini Okunamathiselwe Okungavikelekile?

“Noma ubani onesitayela sokunamathelana esingavikelekile ucabanga ukuthi uzolahlekelwa yibo bonke ubudlelwano abakhayo nabantu. Bazizwa sengathi bazoshiywa ukuze bazinakekele. Konke lokhu kubangelwa ukuthi abazange bathole ukunakekelwa ababekudinga ngesikhathi besebancane,” kusho uDkt. Bhonsle.

Nakuba isibopho esinempilo senza ozakwethu bazizwe bephephile, ubudlelwano obungavikelekile bokunamathiselwe buvamise ukufaka ukwesaba ngenxa yamandla obudlelwano - ngokuvamile ngaphandle kwesizathu esithile. Njengoba lo muntu ezwa uthando olungaguquki noma alukho nhlobo kanye nokunamathelana kwabanakekeli bakhe abayinhloko, ukukhathazeka okuqhubekayo mayelana nokubhekana okufanayo ebudlelwaneni babo obalandelayo kuyabamba.

Ngenxa yalokho, umuntu onesitayela sokunamathisela esingavikelekile uzobe engalindelekile kakhulu. Bangase banamathele ebuhlotsheni babo, ngoba bakholelwa ukuthi umlingani wabo uzobashiya. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kungase kubonise othile ongakwazi ukuvuleka, njengoba ethole ukusabela okungekuhle kubanakekeli abayinhloko ngokwenza kanjalo.

Ingabe umlingani wakho akakwazi ukwamukela izenzo zomusa ezivela kuwe? Ingabe bayakubamba umlomo uma uzama ukubabiza ngesiteketiso esihle? Mhlawumbe bayakhathazeka lapho ungabathumeleli umyalezo emuva kwesigamu sosuku, futhi baye baziqinisekisa ngokuthi usuqedile ngobuhlobo. Kwezinye izimo, bangase bangabi nawo umqondo ocacile wokuthi ubuhlobo bothando kufanele bube njani. Konke lokhu kuziphatha kukhomba ebudlelwaneni bokunamathisela obungavikelekile.

“Sonke sikweletwa inani elithile kanye nekhwalithi yokunakekelwa ngabanakekeli bethu abayinhloko.Kungaba abazali bethu, amalungu omndeni wethu, othisha bethu esiphathiswe ukukhuliswa kwethu okuphelele futhi abasabalalise ulwazi lwezemfundo kithi. 

“Kucishe kufane nokudla.Kudingeka udle izakhamzimba ezithile ukuze ukhule njengomuntu onempilo, akunjalo?Lapho ungakaze wondliwe ngobudlelwane obuvikelekile ekuphileni kwakho, awukwazi ngempela ukuthi umuhle uzizwa kanjani.

“Akumangalisi ukuthi iningi labantu libhekene nokushoda kulo mnyango.” Angicabangi ukuthi kukhona umuntu ongasho ukuthi, “Ngithole ukunakekelwa nokunakwa yikho konke ukuphila obekubalulekile kimina.” Uma uyithole kubazali bakho, mhlawumbe awuyitholanga ezinganeni zakini noma mhlawumbe awuyitholanga kugogo,” kuphawula uDkt. Bhonsle.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokusebenzelana Nomlingani Okwenza Uzizwe Ungavikelekile

Izinhlobo Okunamathiselwe Okungavikelekile

Izitayela zokunamathelana ebudlelwaneni ziza ngezinhlobo ezine, enye yazo iyisitayela sokunamathelana esivikelekile. Yilapho umuntu ethole ukunakekelwa nokusekelwa okukhulu okuvela emndenini wakhe, ukuze akwazi ukwakha ubuhlobo obuhle nabantu. Ake sibheke ezinye ezintathu ezivame ukuchaza izinhlobo zobudlelwano bokunamathelana obungavikelekile:

1. Ukukhathazeka-Ambivalent okunamathiselwe okungavikelekile 

Ngokujwayelekile kuchazwa ngokuthi “ukunamathela” kanye “nokudinga”, abantu abane-ambivalent okunamathiselwe okungavikelekile bavame ukuhlala besaba ukuthi umlingani wabo uzobashiya maduzane, okubenza bahlale benomona ngokweqile, bengathembi, bephethe futhi kunzima ukubhekana nabo. 

Uma umnakekeli oyinhloko wengane enganikezi ngokuqhubekayo ukusekelwa nokunakekelwa okudingekayo, ingane ingase ibambelele futhi ibe nenzondo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, bangase baphathe lezi zici ebudlelwaneni ababa nabo ezimpilweni zabo. 

2. Gwema okunamathiselwe okungavikelekile 

“Lapho abantu begwema ukusondelana futhi bengakwazi ukukhululeka ukuze bacele usizo, ngokuvamile kubonisa indlela yokugwema ukunamathela kubantu abadala,” kuphawula uDkt. Bhonsle. Kungenzeka ukuthi abazali baye bayichitha imizwa yezingane, abazange bazisize lapho zidingeka noma bazidelele ngokubonisa uthando. Ngenxa yalokho, bafunda ukuzimela futhi bangavuleli isifuba. 

3. Okunamathiselwe okungavikelekile okungavikelekile 

Abantu abanale ndlela yokunamathelana ebudlelwaneni baye babhekana nohlobo oluthile lokulimala okuvela kubanakekeli babo abayinhloko. Kungenzeka ukuthi bake babhekana nokulimala ngokomzimba noma ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo okubashiya bekhathazekile futhi besaba ngenkathi besondela kubazali babo. Ngenxa yalokho, bavame ukungahleleki lapho bebhekene nezinkinga ezingase zivele ebudlelwaneni besikhathi esizayo.

UDkt. Bhonsle uchaza ukuthi umuntu ohamba nesitayela esinjalo sokunamathisela akudingeki ajule kanjani amalebula. “Lezi zigaba zenzelwe kakhulu umuntu ozifundayo njengesifundo.Iklayenti akufanele lihlale phansi lizindle ngamalebula.Eqinisweni, angiwakhuthazi amakhasimende ami ukuthi azilebule wona. 

"Amalebula ayalutha futhi aduduze. Abantu bangase bacashe ngemuva, "Nginalokhu kunamathiselwe okungavikelekile kokugwema umngcele, yingakho ngiziphatha ngale ndlela." Eqinisweni, okwenzekayo ukuthi bafuna ukunethezeka kulawa malebula bese bengashintshile lawa malebula angasetshenziswa ukukhomba uhlobo lwenkinga, awachazi ubunjalo bakho Inkinga inkulu kunobuntu bakho.

Izimbangela Zokunamathisela Okungavikelekile

Njengoba kungenzeka ukuthi usuzibambele mathupha, izimbangela zokungavikeleki kobudlelwano bokunamathisela zibangelwa ukuntula ukunakwa nokunakekelwa ngabanakekeli abayinhloko bomuntu. UDkt. Bhonsle uchaza izimbangela ezingenzeka zezinkinga ezinjalo. “Ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni, ukungahambisani kothando nokunakwa okuvela kubanakekeli abayinhloko, imindeni ephukile, ukuhlukunyezwa kwasekhaya kuyimbangela evamile yabantu abahlakulela izitayela zokunamathela ezingavikelekile. 

"Ezimweni eziningi, abantu abazi nokuthi yini abadlule kuyo kwakuyisipiliyoni esibuhlungu sobuntwana. Ukungakwazi ukubona lokho owadlula kukho njengokubuhlungu, ukuhlukumeza, ukuxhaphaza noma ukulimaza kungaholela ebudlelwaneni bokunamathelana obungavikelekile. Bese kuba uphawu lwempilo embi yobudlelwano bomuntu. La maphethini angakhula nasebusheni, kodwa ezimweni eziningi, akheka ngesikhathi sobuntwana."

Kwesinye isikhathi kuyafundwa futhi kulingiswe umuntu oyisibonelo esifana nomama noma ubaba, uma ubona umama enamathela kakhulu kubaba, esho izinto ezinjengokuthi, “Kungani uchitha isikhathi esiningi ehhovisi? “Kungani kufanele uhambe ohambweni lwebhizinisi olungaka?” “Kungani ungangihambisi nami ohambweni lwakho lwebhizinisi?”, uzogcina ngokuqhubeka nakho. 

"Bangase bafundiswe futhi baqale ukuziphatha ngale ndlela nomuntu othandana naye obanika uthando olwanele nothando.Bavele balingisa lokho abaye bakubona umama ekusho kubaba. Ngenxa yalokho, umlingani uqala ukucanuzela kancane futhi ancishwe umoya, okwenza iphethini yesitayela sokunamathela esingavikelekile sibe namandla nakakhulu. 

“Uma ubona umlando wabantu abanjalo, bavame ukushiywa ukuba bazinakekele besebancane kakhulu futhi abasengcupheni.Kungenzeka ukuthi bahlukunyezwa noma bake baba nokushisa okukhulu ekhaya. 

“Uma abazali bematasa belwa, abasitholi isikhathi sokuba abazali, ingane yona isala icabanga izinto ezinjengokuthi, “Ubani ozongisiza ngomsebenzi wami wesikole? “Ubani ozongikhokhela ngohambo lwami lwesikole?” “Ubani ozosayina ama-mark sheet ami ukuze ngiwabuyisele ekilasini?”

Ucwaningo luthi ukuguquguquka komndeni ingane ebhekana nakho kungaba nomthelela oqondile ebudlelwaneni bayo nabanye kanye nenhlalakahle yabo yengqondo neyomzimba esikhathini esizayo. Ake sibheke ukuthi ubudlelwano bokunamathelana obungavikelekile buhluke kanjani kobunempilo.

Isitayela Esinamathiselwe Esingavikelekile Sibuthinta Kanjani Ubudlelwano? 

Nakuba ubudlelwano buvame ukuchuma endaweni yomuntu siqu, i-dynamic ehlanganisa umuntu onokunamathisela okungaqondakali ngeke ibe nokuningi kakhulu ongakunikeza. Ngokufanayo, umuntu onesitayela sokunamathisela esigwemayo, angase afune isikhala esiningi ebudlelwaneni futhi angakwazi ukunikeza ukusekelwa ngokomzwelo nokufudumala kumlingani wakhe.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indoda Engazethembi - Izindlela Eziyi-14 Zokusebenzelana Naye Namathiphu Amathathu Okumsiza

Ake sibheke ukuthi lezi zinguquko zingahluka kanjani kwezinye ezivikelekile, ukuze wazi ukuthi uma uzakwenu engakwazi ukuvuleka noma uthambekele ekukubuzeni ethukile, “Uyangithanda, akunjalo?” njalo ngemizuzu engamashumi amabili empeleni ikhombisa inkinga enkulu:

1. Izitayela zokunamathisela ezingavikelekile ziholela ekulindelweni okuhlekisayo

Uma umlingani wakho ebonisa izimpawu zokunamathiselwe okungavikelekile okungavikelekile, angalindela ukuthi ukuthinta okukhulu kothando ukuze akwazi ukuzizwa evikelekile kancane. Uma wehluleka ukufeza izilindelo zabo ezidlulele, kuzoholela ekumangaleleni okuningi ngendlela ethi, “Ingabe uyangikhathalela na?” 

2. Izinkinga ngokusondelana 

Indlela yokugwema ukunamathelana kubantu abadala ivame ukubavimbela ukuba bavulekele abalingani babo, futhi bangase bangakwazi ukwanelisa izidingo zomunye umuntu ngokomzwelo. Kusukela ebuntwaneni, bafunde ukuziqhelelanisa nanoma yikuphi ukubonisa uthando noma ngisho nokucela usizo, njengoba kungenzeka ukuthi babehlekwa usulu ngalokho esikhathini esidlule. Kungase kudingeke umzamo omkhulu ngabantu abanjalo ukwakha ukusondelana ngokomzwelo.

3. Izinkinga zokwethembana nokukhathazeka ngobudlelwano 

“Kuzoba nezingxabano eziningi, ukuqwasha nokuqwasha.Ozakwethu bazogqolozela bengenalutho ku-WhatsApp wabo ukuze babone ukuthi umuntu uphendulile noma cha, noma uhlobo lomlayezo, ukuthi umyalezo mfishane kangakanani, noma uchaza ukuthini. 

"Kuzoba nokukhathazeka okuningi okusekelwe ekucabangeni okwenziwayo. Izikhathi eziningi ezinqunyelwe kwakheka engqondweni yabo. "Akazange angiphendule emizuzwini eyishumi, lokho kusho ukuthi akangithandi."

"Lezi zinsuku zomnqamulajuqu ezingafanele, ezinokulindela okuhlekisayo kwengane, njengokusekela impilo yobudlelwano bakho ejubaneni lempendulo ku-WhatsApp, ubudlelwano bokunamathela obujwayelekile obungavikelekile. Uzobona abantu beqhubeka nala maphethini ngisho naseminyakeni yabo-40 no-50, akuhlangene neminyaka," kusho uDkt. Bhonsle. 

Isitayela sokunamathiselwe esingavikelekile singavusa amanani amakhulu wokukhathazeka ngobudlelwano, singashiyi lutho ngaphandle komona kanye nezinkinga zokwethembana. Ngezinye izikhathi, uthando alukho konke okudingekayo. 

Indlela Yokunqoba Isitayela Esinamathiselwe Esingavikelekile 

"Uma unalokhu kungazethembi futhi uphethe i-angst eningi, makube yinkomba yalokho okumele kwenziwe. Kumele ugxile ekuhambeni okuphambene. Uma unamathele, udinga ukuzama ukunganamatheli ngangokunokwenzeka.

“Uma ungazethembi kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bakho , kufanele uzame ukuvala izaziso efonini yakho ukuze ukungaqiniseki kungakudla. Uma ukhathazekile kakhulu, uzama ukuthola indlela yokuzinza nokuzizola ngokuthola umsebenzi ogxile kuwe njengokuzivocavoca noma ukuzindla,” kusho uDkt. Bhonsle.

Nakuba kungase kuzwakale kulula ephepheni, kuthatha umzamo omkhulu nesikhathi. Ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi wenza ngendlela efanele, bheka amathiphu alandelayo uDkt. Bhonsle awabalayo: 

1. Lapho usebenzisana nobudlelwano bokunamathisela obungavikelekile, ukwelashwa kuyadingeka

Ukuba nesitayela sokunamathiselwe esingavikelekile kungalimaza bonke ubudlelwano onabo empilweni yakho. Mhlawumbe uke waphusha othile ngoba ulwela ukunaka kwakhe kancane, noma akakaze azizwe ekhululekile uma enawe ngoba awuzange uvuleke. Indlela engcono kakhulu yokwenza ukwephula umjikelezo ukukhetha ukwelashwa. 

UDkt. Bhonsle uchaza ukubaluleka nokusebenza ngempumelelo kokwelashwa ngenkathi ebhekene nobudlelwano bokunamathiselwe obungavikelekile. "Akekho emndenini wakho noma embuthanweni wabangani ongakwazi ukukusiza kulokhu. Njengoba nje unomkhuba wokukhipha ubuthi emzimbeni oklanyelwe abantu abaluthwe yizikrini, kufanele udale isiko lokukhipha ubuthi emzimbeni labantu ababonisa isitayela sokunamathiselwe esingavikelekile.

“Lezi zinkinga zijule kakhulu futhi akufani nokuya kudokotela wamazinyo lapho uzozizwa ungcono ngemva kweseshini eyodwa.Njengoba izimpande zisuka ebuntwaneni bomuntu, kudingeka avule isifuba akhulume ngezinto okungenzeka ukuthi isikhathi eside wayengazicabangi.

"Kumele bakhiphe intukuthelo nokudabuka kanye nokwenqatshwa ezinhlelweni zabo. Kumele benze ukuthula nezikhathi zabo zakudala, bakhohlwe abangakhululanga nalabo ababazwise ubuhlungu. Kwesinye isikhathi, lokho kuxolelwa kuthatha isikhathi eside kakhulu. Ukufuna usizo lomelaphi kungakutshela okufanele ukwenze ukuze ubhekane nesikhathi sakho esedlule. Kufanele ukhumbule ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho obubaluleke kakhulu bukuwe.

“Abanye abafuni nokuxola badedele izinto ebezibaphatha kabi kudala, usizi lufana ne-cocaine. 

"Uma beshiywe bengahloliwe, bangase bangaqapheli ukuthi badinga kangakanani ukubhekana nezinkinga ezedlule nokuthi indlela yokugwema ukunamathela kubantu abadala ingathinta kanjani cishe zonke izici zokuphila kwabo."

Njengoba sishilo ngaphambili, abanye bangase bangaqapheli ngisho nobuhlungu abangase babhekane nabo ebuntwaneni babo. Ngakho-ke, bangase bangazi nokuthi babhekane nani. Ngosizo lweqembu labeluleki abanolwazi beBonobology , okuhlanganisa noDkt. Aman Bhonsle, uzobe uzisondeza eduze nesitayela esidumile sokunamathelana okuphephile.

2. Yekani okwedlule 

Siyazi, siyazi, kulula ukukusho kunokukwenza. Ukubhekana nesenzakalo esibuhlungu eminyakeni yokukhula kwempilo yakho ngaso sonke isikhathi kuthinta konke okunye. Ngakho-ke, ukuzama ukuyeka ngokwakho kungase kungenzeki ngaso sonke isikhathi. 

UDkt. Bhonsle ukhuluma ngokubaluleka kokwelashwa ngenkathi ezama ukubhekana nesikhathi sakhe esidlule. “Uma umuntu elahlekelwe umzali noma ebone impi enkulu yesehlukaniso endlini, usebenzisa leso sizathu sokuphatha kabi abangane bakhe. Bangase bathi into efana nokuthi, “Kufanele ungiqonde ngemva kwakho konke engidlule kukho.” “Uma ngikuthethisa phambi kwabo bonke abangane bethu, akufanele ungigxeke. Uyazi ukuthi ngidlule kulokho ekhaya.”

“Abanye abantu basebenzisa ukuhlukumezeka nosizi lwangaphambili ukuze kuhambisane nobuvila bomzwelo.” Bangase bacashe ngokuthi, “Ubaba wakhohlisa umama, yingakho ngingawathembi amadoda ngokuvamile. Kufanele ubekezelele indlela yami yokunamathisela engavikelekile ngoba ngike ngaba nesipiliyoni esibi namadoda.”

"Ngenxa yesikhathi esidlule, ubudlelwano babo bamanje manje buyahlupheka ngenxa yalokho. Futhi ukukuyeka akulula kakhulu, ngoba okwedlule komuntu ngamunye kuhlukile futhi kunezici eziningi. Akukaze nje "kwenzeke lokhu, bese kwenzeka lokho". Kukhona amakhulu ezici namaphethini ngemuva kwakho. Kufana nebhola elikhulu le-cobweb elidinga ukuxazululwa ukuthi kungani i-psychotherapy ikhona. "

3. Ukuzethemba kuyikhambi olidingayo

UDkt. Bhonsle uthi: “Ukusebenzelana komuntu nezwe langaphandle kulawulwa indlela asebenzelana ngayo naye ngokwakhe.” Uma ezizonda futhi engazethembi kakhulu, ubuhlobo obuyoba khona phakathi kwabantu buyoba nezinga elithile lokungathembani nokukhathazeka,” kusho uDkt.

"Impela kuzosiza kodwa kumele bafundiswe ukuzethemba. Izikole zethu nemindeni kanye nezinkundla zokuxhumana bezihlale zisishaya ngokungafinyeleli esikulindele. Uma usuthole usizo olufanele, kuzovela ukuthi ukuzethemba kuzozenzakalela," kuphetha yena. 

Uma ucabanga ngakho, konke ukukhathazeka ngobudlelwano kuvela ekungazethembi. Uma umuntu engayithandi indlela ayiyo, uzocabanga ukuthi wonke umhlaba awuyithandi. Ngokubhekana nalezi zinkinga ngaphakathi kuwe, uzokwazi ukuthuthukisa amandla azo zonke izibopho zakho.

Manje njengoba sewazi konke okumele ukwazi mayelana nesitayela sokunamathiselwe esingavikelekile nokuthi singakunqoba kanjani, ngethemba ukuthi ngeke uzizwe uvaleleke kumjikelezo wezinyanga ezi-3 ongaphumelelanga nabantu abangase bathande. Ngakho esikhundleni sokusekela impilo yobudlelwano bakho ejubaneni lezimpendulo ze-WhatsApp, sondeza igxathu ekuguquguqukeni okuvumelanayo ngosizo lwamaphuzu esikubhalele wona namuhla. 

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