Izibonelo Eziyi-15 Zobuncane Obuncane Ebudlelwaneni - Musa Ukuyekethisa Kulokhu

Ingabe ulindele okukhulu kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bakho noma ucela okuncane kakhulu? Ingabe uyakwamukela ubuncane obuncane ebudlelwaneni, noma cha, naphezu kokukunikeza konke onakho? Nokho, kodwa umuntu ukuchaza kanjani ubuncane okulindelekile ebuhlotsheni? Futhi ungenza kanjani umlingani wakho aphile ngokuvumelana nalokho okulindele ebudlelwaneni bakho? Ingabe ubuhlobo bakho noma impilo yothando yehlisiwe yaba yinto eyisicefe, phakathi kwemisebenzi endiza kakhulu, imisebenzi yasekhaya, kanye nesibopho sezingane? Ingabe ushiywe ucela ubuncane obungenalutho futhi awukhumbuli isikhathi sokugcina umlingani wakho akwenza uzizwe ukhethekile?

Uma ubudlelwano bakho bukumodi yokulinda noma yokusinda, lapho umlingani wakho engakuniki okungaphezu kwezinto eziyisisekelo (noma ngisho nalokho), qhubeka. Ngosizo lomqeqeshi wokuphila kahle ngokomzwelo nokucabangela, Pooja Priyamvada (ugunyazwe ku-Psychological and Mental Health Usizo Lokuqala oluvela ku-Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health kanye ne-University of Sydney), osebenza ngokukhethekile ekululekeni abantu abathandanayo ngaphandle komshado, ukuhlukana, ukuhlukana, usizi, nokulahlekelwa, uma sibala okumbalwa, sizamile ukuhlola 'ubudlelwano obuncane obungenalutho' futhi sabhala amathiphu ambalwa angasebenza ukukusiza ukuphatha. Sizokusiza futhi wenze umlingani wakho aqonde
indlela yokwenza okungaphezu kokuncane okungenalutho ebudlelwaneni. Ngakho-ke, ngaphandle kokubambezeleka okukhulu, asicwile phakathi...

Iyini I-Bare Minimum Ebudlelwaneni?

Kunzima ukuchaza 'ubuncane obuncane' ebudlelwaneni. Ukukuchaza kabanzi, ubuncane obuncane yisamba esiphelele sezidingo ezincane ebuhlotsheni. Futhi lokhu kungahluka kumuntu nomuntu, kuye ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo, uhlelo lwenani, izinga labo lokutshala imali ebuhlotsheni, kanye nesifiso sokubenza busebenze.

Isazi sethu UPooja uthi, “Ukunikeza okuncane nje kusho ukulondoloza isimo esikhona ebuhlotsheni, ngokufaka okuncane noma okungenakho ngokomzwelo. Kungase kuholele ekutheni umlingani azizwe engelutho futhi engabalulekile kangako. Lokhu kungase kufice ukukhulumisana nokusondelana phakathi kombhangqwana futhi kukwenze kubonakale sengathi baphila izimpilo ezimbili ezihlukene ngisho nalapho behlala ndawonye.”

Sizobheka ukuthi ubuncane obuncane bushintsha kanjani ngesigaba sempilo yomuntu noma ubuntu. Umuntu ngokwemvelo angabeka izinga eliphansi lobudlelwano bakhe uma ehlose ukubenza busebenze kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yini, futhi lokhu kungase kube ngenxa yezizathu eziningi:

• Umuntu ophethwe ukuzenyeza ingabambelela ebuhlotsheni obuncane obungenalutho
• Umuntu angase atshalwe kakhulu ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni ukuze ashiye umlingani wakhe ngenxa yokunganiki okuncane okungenalutho
• Abantu bangase babe nezinkinga zokusondelana nokulahlwa, okuvela ekuhlukunyezweni kwasebuntwaneni, futhi bangakwazi ukushiya umlingani owenza umzamo ophansi ebudlelwaneni.
• Abantu abanezibopho ezifanayo, njengengane noma umzali okhubazekile, bangase bagcine ubuhlobo buqhubeka ngokusekelwe ebuncaneni obuncane ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
• Ukuntuleka kwezinsiza ezizimele zezezimali kungaholela abantu ukuthi bancike komunye nomunye futhi baqhubeke nobudlelwano obuncane obungenalutho

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, abanye abantu babeka izindinganiso eziphakeme futhi bangase bangakwamukeli nhlobo ubuncane obuncane. Ezinye izibonelo ezinjalo yilezi:

• Umuntu ophuma nje a ubudlelwane obunobuthi unokubekezelela okuphansi kwesoka noma intombi engenalutho
• Abantu abakwaziyo abakufunayo mayelana nezinjongo zempilo noma ukuhambisana ngokuvamile abangeni ebuhlotsheni obuncane obuncane

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Izibonelo Eziyi-15 Zamazinga Asencane Ebuncane Ebudlelwaneni

Kusukela ekwamukeleni imizamo emincane ebudlelwaneni bakho kuya ekubeni nezinto ozilindeleyo ebudlelwaneni bakho - ungavumeli umdlalo wamagama ukudide. Lolu shintsho lulula kakhulu, futhi silapha ukuze sikuchaze. Njengoba ubudlelwano buyinto evumelanayo, njengoba nje nabantu abahilelekile, kungaba luqili ukubona ukuthi yiziphi izindinganiso zobudlelwano obuncane obuyize. Kodwa izibonelo ezilandelayo zezimo zansuku zonke ebudlelwaneni bothando zizosisiza ukuthi sithole ukuthi yiziphi ezinye zezinto ezibalulekile ebuhlotsheni:

• Akukho ukuhlukunyezwa: Akumele kube khona ukubekezelelana kwanoma yiluphi uhlobo lwe ukuhlukunyezwa ebudlelwaneni. Futhi lokhu kuhlanganisa ukuhlukunyezwa ngamazwi nangokomzimba, ukugajwa amagama, ukungasho lutho, nokuthunjwa ngokomzwelo
• Awekho amahlaya acasulayo: Akekho umlingani okufanele enze amahlaya acasulayo mayelana nokubukeka, umsebenzi, abangani, noma umndeni womunye umlingani. Futhi uma othile egcona umlingani wakhe esidlangalaleni, ifulegi elikhulu elibomvu
• Umngcele wezimfihlo ezabiwe: Ozakwethu kumele bakhumbule ukuthi badinga ukwenza omunye nomunye bazizwe bephephile futhi banikeze ngendawo engenakwahlulela yokuthulula isifuba nokwabelana ngezimfihlo. Umuntu akufanele asebenzise amaphutha adlule omlingani wakhe nanoma yini enye abelane ngayo ngokuqiniseka ngokumelene naye kunoma iyiphi ingxabano yesikhathi esizayo

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 11 Izimfanelo Zobudlelwane Okufanele Ube Nazo Ukuze Uphile Injabulo

• Igumbi lokuthi "uxolo": Ukuxolisa ngemva kwengxabano eshubile kuyimfuneko futhi kuyisidingo esiyisisekelo ukuze ubuhlobo buqhubeke
• Isikhala sabo bobabili ozakwethu: Ukuvumela wena nophathina wakho ukuba nibe nokuphila komphakathi ngaphandle kobudlelwano kuyadingeka. Uma kungenjalo, ubudlelwano bungase bube nzima kubo bobabili abalingani
• Ukubeka phambili umlingani wakho: Umuntu kufanele enze umlingani wakhe azizwe sengathi ubalulekile, ngokuphendula imibhalo yakhe futhi aphendule izingcingo zakhe. Ngisho noma othile ematasa, kufanele akucacise futhi aphendule ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka
• Ukwenza imvume ibalulekile: Imvume ibalulekile, kuzo zonke izinqumo, kungaba ukusondelana ngokomzimba, ukutshalwa kwezimali kwezezimali, noma ezinye izibopho. Zonke izinqumo ezinkulu kufanele zithathwe ngemva kwengxoxo ejulile nomunye nomunye
• Ukuba khona komunye nomunye: Kungaba inkinga yezimali, ukugula okungapheli, noma ukukhubazeka, uma ubuhlobo bubalulekile, ubuncane obuncane buzohlanganisa ukuba khona komunye nomunye (hhayi nje ukuba khona ngokomzimba, kodwa nokuzinikela ngokomzwelo) ngezikhathi zokuzama nokusiza ubudlelwano budlule ebunzimeni.

• Ukuthembeka: Ukwethembeka mayelana nesikhathi esidlule, isimo somsebenzi, izindaba zomndeni, nanoma iyiphi enye indaba ebalulekile kuyindinganiso engenalutho umuntu okufanele aphile ngayo.
• Fidelity: Ukuzibophezela akufanele kube yinto yokugcina ebudlelwaneni. Umuntu kufanele akulungele ukuyeka ukudlala ngothando uma ebazisa ubuhlobo
• Ukuhloniphana: Ubudlelwano angeke buphile ngaphandle kokuhloniphana, futhi lokhu kuhlanganisa ukuhlonipha umuntu oshade naye noma umlingani othandana naye ukukhetha indlela yokuphila, indlela yokugqoka, kanye nomsebenzi.
• Intimacy: Ngaphandle kokujwayelekile ukusondelana ngokomzimba, umbhangqwana kufanele utshale imali kwezinye izinhlobo zokusondelana, njengokusondelana ngokomzwelo, futhi. Ubudlelwano abukwazi ukuqhubeka ngocansi kuphela
• Umusa: Ukuba nomusa, ikakhulukazi uma umlingani ube nosuku olunzima, kubalulekile. Kubalulekile ukubasiza baphume, ubalalele, futhi ubavumele baphumele obala
• Ukulawula okuncane: Ubudlelwano buyafa lapho omunye umlingani ezama ukulawula omunye. Kungase kungabi khona ukulingana okuqondile ebudlelwaneni, ngokwezimali zasekhaya noma ezinye izici, kodwa ukuziphatha okulawulayo akufanele kukhuthazwe nhlobo.
• Ukusekelana: Ubudlelwano buyakhula lapho ozakwethu besekela imigomo yokuphila yomunye nomunye futhi bebungaza ukuwina okuncane, okufana namaphromoshini noma imifundaze. Ukwesekana kuyadingeka ukuze ubudlelwano buphumelele, futhi lokhu kubandakanya ukuba khona ngokomzimba emicimbini emikhulu yempilo yomlingani wakho

Izinto Ezingu-8 Ongayenza Uma Ungatholi Nokuncane Okuncane Ebudlelwaneni

Ukuthi ubuhlobo obuhle bubonakala bunjani bungase buhluke kuwo wonke umbhangqwana. Nasi isibonelo esihle: ukukhumbula izinsuku ezibalulekile nokuzigubha ndawonye kungase kubaluleke kakhulu kumbhangqwana othile kodwa kungase kungabi nandaba kangako komunye. Kodwa kunezici ezithile ebudlelwaneni ezingathathwa njengezincane ezingenalutho emhlabeni jikelele. Kodwa kuthiwani uma ungatholi ngisho nobuncane obuncane othandweni? Ubhekana kanjani nobuhlungu bokunganakwa noma ukuthathelwa phansi umlingani wakho noma umlingani wakho othandana naye?

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Kulesi sigaba, sizokuqondisa kumathiphu ambalwa ongasebenza azokusiza ukubhekana nalolu daba. Ngalawa macebiso, ungakwazi ukwazisa umlingani wakho ukuthi ungenza kanjani okungaphezu kokuncane okungenalutho ebuhlotsheni. Lawa macebiso azokufundisa ukuthi ungabeka kanjani ubuhlobo obufanele futhi izindinganiso zokuthandana. Ngakho, yini esiyilindele? Ake siqale. Nazi izinto ezingu-8 ongazenza uma uzwa sengathi awutholi ngisho ubuncane obuncane kumlingani wakho:

1. Ukuxhumana ngokuphumelelayo

Ukukhulumisana okuhle kuyisisekelo sobudlelwano obunempilo. Ukukhulumisana akugcini nje ngokuvumela uthando olunempilo, kodwa futhi kusiza ekuxazululeni izingxabano. Ngakho-ke, uma ungatholi ngisho nobuncane obuncane obuvela kumlingani wakho, yisikhathi sokuthatha isinyathelo. Nakhu ongakwenza uma uthola umlingani wakho enqaba ukulalela noma ukukhuluma:

• Qala ukuxhumana okunempilo: U-Pooja uthi, “Uma ukuxhumana kube ngcono, ubuhlobo buba ngcono.” Ngakho-ke, thatha isinyathelo kuqala futhi wazise umlingani wakho ukuthi uzizwa kanjani nokuthi ziyini izidingo zakho
• Gxila ku komzimba: Ngaphandle kokuxhumana ngamazwi noma ngombhalo, ulimi lomzimba nalo ludlala indima ebalulekile. Bhekana emehlweni, thinta umlingani wakho ngothando, qala ukwanga, futhi umenze azizwe ufuna ukufinyelelwa kuye.
• Beka imingcele yokuxhumana: Setha imithetho efana nokuzilolonga ngokulalela ngesikhathi socingo okwakuvunyelwene ngalo ngaphambilini noma uthembise ukuthi noma yini oyishoyo esimweni esisengozini ngeke isetshenziswe ngokumelene nawe empini ezayo.

2. Naka izidingo zakho nezifiso zakho

Uqinisekile ukuthi umlingani wakho uyazazi izidingo zakho? Kuthiwani ngezinto ongaziceli ngomlomo? Bangakwazi ukufunda phakathi kwemigqa futhi baqonde ukuthula kwakho? Ingabe banawo umqondo wokuthi yini engaphezu kwenani elincane elingenalutho ebudlelwaneni?

UPooja uthi, “Gxila ezidingweni zakho, noma ngabe zikhona izidingo ezibucayi ezingokomzwelo noma izidingo eziyisisekelo ezingokwengqondo, zobulili noma ezingokwezimali.” Uma usukwazi ukuhlonza ezakho izidingo nezifiso, ungazisa umlingani wakho ukuthi ziyahlangabezwa yini Ukuzizwa ubonwa futhi uzwile ubuncane obulindelwe umuntu ebudlelwaneni bakho.

• Ukhungathekile ngenxa yomsebenzi noma ezinye izinkinga
• Udinga usizo ngezimali zasekhaya noma imisebenzi yasekhaya
• Ufisa ukuzama ucansi

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3. Yakha uxhumano

Ukuxhumana ngokuqinisekile kungenye yezidingo ezibaluleke kakhulu ebudlelwaneni futhi isezingeni eliphezulu ohlwini lokulindelwe okuncane okungenalutho ebuhlotsheni. Uma ukuxhumana kuyisisekelo, ukuxhumana phakathi kombhangqwana yiglue elibamba ndawonye. U-Pooja uyeluleka, “Xhumana nazo zonke izici zempilo yomlingani wakho—umsebenzi wakhe, abangani bakhe, imindeni yabo.”

UDkt. John Gottman, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseMelika esiphambili, ubiza “leyo ngxenye yobuchopho bakho lapho ugcina khona lonke ulwazi olubalulekile ngempilo yomlingani wakho” a. imephu yothando. Uma unemininingwane eminingi imephu yakho yothando, yilapho umazi kangcono umlingani wakho, futhi kuqina uxhumano lwakho.

Ukuze ukhuthaze ukuxhumana okungcono, ungakwazi:

• Yiba nezingxoxo ezijulile ngezimpilo zakho ngaphandle kobudlelwano bakho
• Xoxa ngezinhloso zakho zomsebenzi nomsebenzi
• Xoxa ngokunambitha kwakho okuthuthukayo, kungaba ngokuya ngokudla, izinsuku ezimnandi, uhambo, ucansi, noma nje indlela yakho yokuphila

4. Hlakulela ubuntu bakho

Nakuba ukuxhumana kubalulekile ebudlelwaneni, kungaba kalula ugibe olukwenza ulahlekelwe ubuntu bakho. Noma yibuphi ubudlelwano buba yi-claustrophobic uma ukuhlukana kozakwethu kungahlonishwa. UPooja uthi, “Kubalulekile ukuphatha umlingani wakho njengezandiso zakho, kodwa hhayi njengengxenye yakho.

Ubuncane obuncane, okusho izidingo eziyisisekelo, ebudlelwaneni bakho kufanele buhlanganise ukudala nokuhlonipha imingcele ethile kanye nokukhuthaza umuzwa wothando. inkululeko nokuvikeleka komuntu ngamunye. Yiba nesibindi mayelana nale mingcele ukuze uthole okungaphezu kokuncane okungenalutho othandweni. Nansi indlela ongakwenza ngayo lokho:

• Zibuze, “Ukube bekungadingeki ngikhathazeke ngokudla kwawo wonke umuntu, bengizofuna ukudlani?”
• Chitha impelasonto ngaphandle komlingani wakho, ukuhlangana nabangane abaseduze
• Gxila kunoma yini ekwenza uzizwe ujabule, kungaba ukufunda noma ukubhuka iseshini ye-spa
• Ngezikhathi ezithile, vuka kusasele ihora noma uthathe usuku lokuphumula futhi uchithe isikhathi sami esithile wenza okuthandayo futhi uzenze uzizwe ukhethekile.

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5. Yenza umlingani wakho aqonde imvume

U-Pooja uthi, “Ukuqonda imvume kubalulekile, ngaso sonke isikhathi, kuso sonke isenzo noma umcabango.” Nakuba sikhuluma kakhulu mayelana nemvume mayelana nokusondelana ngokomzimba, u-Pooja uveza ngokufanelekile indima yokuvuma kwezinye izici zokuphila kombhangqwana ndawonye. Uthi: “Ukucela imvume kumngane womshado ukuze wenze izinqumo ezifanayo kungenye yezindlela eziqotho zokubonisa inhlonipho kubo, okubonisa ukuthi abazange bathathwe kalula.”

Ngakho-ke, uma kwenzeka uzwa sengathi imvume yakho ayaziswa uzakwenu, nakhu ongakwenza:

• Qiniseka ukuthi umlingani wakho unengxoxo ejulile nawe ngaphambi kokwenza noma yikuphi ukuthenga okubalulekile noma isinqumo sokuphila, njengokushiya umsebenzi, ukuthenga indlu, noma ukuthuthela edolobheni elisha.
• Bazise uma ungekho esimweni esifanele sephathi yasendlini, ngaphambi kokuthi bameme abangani
• Benze baqonde ukubaluleka kokuvuma embhedeni

6. Yiba nozwela

Uzwela lubalulekile ku-a ubuhlobo obunempilo futhi kuhilela ukuzibeka ezicathulweni zomlingani wakho futhi ubheke izinkinga zabo ngombono wabo. Lokhu kudala izinga lokuxhumana nokuqonda okubalulekile ukuze ubudlelwano buphumelele. Nansi indlela ongalukhulisa ngayo uzwela ebudlelwaneni bakho:

• Zivulele kumlingani wakho futhi umazise ukuthi kungani wenza into ngendlela oyenza ngayo
• Zijwayeze ukwabelana ngemizwa ngendlela ekhuthele, njengoba lokhu kuzoqeqesha wena nophathina wakho ukuba nizwele omunye nomunye

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7. Gxila kuzo zonke izinhlobo zokusondelana

Manje, uma sikhuluma ngokusondelana, asifuni nje ukukhuluma ngokusondelana ngokobulili. Ukusondelana ebudlelwaneni ku-multidimensional, kudlulela ekusondeleni kocansi, imizwa, ubuhlakani, ngisho nokusondelana ngokomoya. Uma umlingani wakho enza okuncane kakhulu ebudlelwaneni bakho, cishe ubheka ukusondelana ngokocansi njengendlela yokusondela, ngaphandle kokugxila ekuqondeni okujulile.

Kodwa-ke, ukwenza okuhlukile izinhlobo zokusondelana ebudlelwaneni, kufanele unake ukukhulisa ukuxhumana okungokomzwelo nengqondo nomlingani wakho, futhi ngokuphambene nalokho. Ngaphandle uma umlingani wakho etshalwe ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni, ubudlelwano benu ngeke bube nesisekelo esiqinile. Lena yindlela ongenza ngayo umlingani wakho ahlanganyele ebudlelwaneni obudlula ucansi

• Yakha ukwethemba ebudlelwaneni ngokwabelana nabo ngezimfihlo ezithile ongakaze wabelane ngazo nanoma ubani omunye, futhi ubazise
• Ukuze uthole ushintsho, hlanganyela ekudlaleni kwangaphambili noma ukuwolana ngaphandle kokuya ocansini
• Hambani ndawonye noma nenze umsebenzi wokuzilibazisa eniwujabulela nobabili ngesikhathi senu esikhululekile
• Chithani isikhathi ndawonye nsuku zonke, ngisho noma imizuzu engu-15 ngaphambi kokuyolala

8. Veza uthando

Uthando luyintambo ehlanganisa yonke into. Kuyini iphuzu lokuthi abantu ababili bahlangane uma kungenjalo ngesifiso somuntu sokuthanda nokuthandwa? Kodwa uthando lungaphela uma kuthathwe kalula noma ukunganakwa. Eminye imibhangqwana ingalubonisa ngempela uthando ngaphandle kokuba sobala kakhulu. Kodwa uthando luyisenzo esisebenzayo nesiqaphelayo, kanjalo nobudlelwano.

Udinga ukusebenza ebuhlotsheni nsuku zonke futhi ubonise uthando ngokusobala ukuze wenze umlingani wakho aqaphele uthando lwakho. Uma umlingani wakho azi ukuthi ubalulekile futhi uyaziswa, kancane kancane uzosuka esimweni se-quo 'sobuncane obuncane' futhi enze imizamo yokuhlenga ubudlelwano.

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Ngakho-ke, kufanele wazise umlingani wakho ukuthi uyamthanda futhi uyamkhathalela. Bazise ukuthi yini engaphezu kobuncane obuncane ebudlelwaneni. Nansi indlela ongakwenza ngayo lokho futhi ubasize bahambe ibanga elide:

• Pheka ukudla abakuthandayo kanye ngesikhathi futhi ubamangaze
• Faka umbhalo othi 'ngiyabonga' efrijini ngento abakwenzele yona
• Bekani imali komunye nomunye - thenga izipho, phuma ngezinsuku zokuzijabulisa, splurge ngobusuku bothando, futhi nichithe isikhathi ndawonye
• Babize ngehora lesidlo sasemini ukuze nje uhlebe okuthile okumnandi futhi ubenze bazizwe bejabule
• Bancome futhi ubenze bazizwe bekhethekile

Sithemba ukuthi awusalali uzibuza ukuthi ngabe uthola ubuncane obuncane kumlingani wakho (noma cha lokho). Sithemba futhi ukuthi manje uyazi ukuthi ungabeka kanjani izindinganiso ebudlelwaneni. Uma unesoka elincane elingenalutho noma intombi ehudula ubuhlobo, ngaphandle komzamo, ungahlali ugoqe izandla. Yeka ukwamukela ubuncane obuncane ebudlelwaneni futhi uthathe isinyathelo, noma ngabe utshalwe kakhulu ngokomzwelo ukuba ube nenkani.

Ubudlelwano obunomzamo omncane ovela kunoma yimuphi umlingani angeke bube nesikhala esiningi sothando, ukukhula komuntu siqu, noma injabulo uma ucabanga isikhathi eside. Kodwa khumbula, ukucela okuncane kumlingani wakho kuzolimaza ubuhlobo bakho kancane kancane. Ngakho-ke, funda ukuqonda okulindele ebudlelwaneni bakho, setha izindinganiso ezithile zobudlelwano, lungisa kahle lokho okulindele ohlwini lobudlelwano, futhi ungavumeli ubuncane obungenalutho bukubambezele.

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