Izimpawu eziyi-13 Zobudlelwano Obushisayo Nobubandayo kanye Nendlela Yokuphula Iphethini

Ukuba sebudlelwaneni obushisayo nobubandayo kuyabheda, izindlela eziyisithupha zokuya ngeSonto. Ngikwazi kanjani lokho? Ubekhona. Ngimoshe iminyaka eyisikhombisa yokuphila kwami ​​ngilinde indoda engangikade ngibhejwa nayo ukuthi ibe phakathi kwayo, ifune ubudlelwano, yakhe into ehlala njalo nenenjongo ngami kuphela ngabona ukuthi ngeke kwenzeke. Ukungaphindiseli imizwa yakho kunzima njengoba kunjalo kodwa ukuziphatha okushisayo nokubanda kwenza lokho kushaye kube kubi kakhulu. 

Cabanga nje ukube lo mfana ubekade ephambi kwami, futhi wathi, “Angizizwa ngendlela efanayo ngawe.” noma “angifuni lutho olungathi sína.” Impela ngabe ngidabukile. Aginqike kancane. Kodwa ngangizozikhipha uthuli futhi ngiqhubekele phambili kakhulu ngokushesha kunokuba ngenza. Kunalokho, wayelokhu engena futhi ephuma ekuphileni kwami, ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo. Ukungishanela ezinyaweni zami nokwenza inhliziyo yami incibilike ngezingxoxo ezijulile ezithinta imizwa kanye nokushukuma komzimba wothando ukuze nje ngibe kude futhi ngingatholakali lapho ngibuyisela noma ngikuthathe njengophawu lokuthi "ubudlelwane" buzoqhubekela phambili ngendlela efanele. 

O, i-rollercoaster yemizwa lo mdlalo oshisayo nobandayo uyakubeka. Ugcwele ithemba, bese kuba nokudumala nokuphelelwa ithemba. Uthukuthele futhi ulimele. Uthukuthele futhi ukhathele emoyeni. Lapho nje uthi kuwena, “Akusenani,” umjikelezo uqala phansi futhi. Uma lokho kuzwakala kujwayelekile, ngiyakunxusa ukuthi unake izimpawu zobudlelwano obushisayo nobubandayo engizobubhala futhi ufunde ukuthi ungazikhulula kanjani kulesi siphithiphithi esingokomzwelo.   

Buyini Ubudlelwano Obushisayo Nobubandayo?

Njengoba kungenzeka ukuthi usuhlangene manje, ubudlelwano obushisayo nobubandayo yilapho omunye umlingani eshintshana phakathi kothando nokuhoxa, kwakhela omunye i-rollercoaster yomzwelo. Lokhu kungahambisani kungase kudideke futhi kukhathaze ngokomzwelo, njengoba umzuzwana owodwa, umlingani angase abe nemfudumalo, onothando, futhi ahlanganyele kakhulu, futhi ngokulandelayo, angase abe kude, axoshe, noma angabi nandaba. 

Isibonelo, uzakwethu angase ashayise abanye ababalulekile ngokunaka nangezenzo zothando ezinhle izinsuku noma amaviki abese eyeka ngokushesha ukuphendula imibhalo noma abonise ukungabi nandaba ngaphandle kwencazelo. Isazi esidumile sobudlelwano uDkt. John Gottman siyachaza, “Ukungaguquguquki ngokomzwelo kudala ukungalondeki ebuhlotsheni, okwenza kube nzima ngabalingani ukwakha ukwethembana nokuzizwa belondekile ngokomzwelo.” 

Lo mjikelezo wokuphusha nokudonsa ngokuvamile ushiya uzakwethu othintekile ezizwa ekhathazekile, engavikelekile, futhi efuna ukuqinisekiswa. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. Lisa Firestone siyachaza, “Ukuqinisana ngezikhathi ezithile—lapho uthando lunikezwa ngokungalindelekile—kungakha ukusondelana okuluthayo, kwenze kube nzima ukuhlukana nobuhlobo naphezu kwemiphumela yako emibi.” 

Isibonelo sakudala sobudlelwano obushisayo nobubandayo singabonakala ku phinda, phuma-futhi imibhangqwana ehlala ihlukana futhi ibuyisana ngaphandle kokuxazulula izinkinga eziyinhloko ezibangela ukungazinzi kwayo. Nakuba ukuziphatha okushisayo nokubandayo kungase kube okungahlosiwe futhi ngokuvamile kuvela emzabalazweni womuntu siqu, akwenzi kube lula ukubekezelela. Ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho uzivumela ukuba udlule kukho ukusondelana nebanga, kuqeda ukuzethemba kwakho futhi kuphazamise inhlalakahle yakho engokomzwelo. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Eziyi-11 Ukuthi Usebudlelwaneni Obuyinkimbinkimbi

I-Hot and cold behavior psychology

Ukubhekana nokuziphatha okushisayo nokubandayo okuvela kumlingani othandana naye noma okulindelwe kungase kube lula ngandlela thize uma usuqonda ukuthi kusuka kuphi futhi uthuthukise ukuqwashisa ngazo zonke izindlela ezikuthinta ngayo. Ake sibhekisise indlela yokusebenza kwengqondo eshisayo nebandayo ukuze sikusize uqonde ukuthi kungani umuntu omkhathalelayo engahambisani nokuziphatha kwakhe ngakuwe kanye nenani elibi elithathayo engqondweni yakho: 

• Ukuqinisa ngezikhathi ezithile: Umdlalo oshisayo nobandayo ungahlala iminyaka, kwesinye isikhathi ngisho impilo yonke, ngoba ukungaqiniseki kothando kudala umjikelezo wokulutha, okwenza umlingani owamukelayo alangazelele ukuqinisekiswa.
• Izitayela zokunamathisela: Ukuziphatha okushisayo nokubanda kuvame ukuhlotshaniswa nokugwema noma izitayela zokunamathisela ezikhathazekile-lapho abagwemayo besuka khona, kuyilapho abalingani abakhathazekile bejaha
• Ukulawula namandla: I-push-pull dynamic inika uzakwethu ukulawula okushisayo nokubanda, okugcina omunye etshalwe imali ngokomzwelo. Lokhu kuholela ekungalinganini kwamandla ebudlelwaneni—usesihawu sabo futhi bayaqhubeka nokulawula ukulandisa. 
• Ukungatholakali kwemizwa: Umuntu oshisayo futhi obandayo angase angatholakali ngokomzwelo ngoba esaba ukusondelana. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, besaba ukulahlekelwa umlingani wabo. Lokhu kubenza bahlale bezulazula phakathi kokufuna ukuba seduze nokudinga ibanga
• Ukukhohlisa okushisayo nokubanda: Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kwenziwa ngamabomu noma kungahlosiwe, ukushintshashintsha kothando lozakwethu ngakuwe kungase kuqede ukuzethemba kwakho kanye nomuzwa wokuthi ubalulekile, kukwenze ungabaze ukubaluleka kwakho.
• Ukuhlukumezeka okwedlule: Amanxeba angokomzwelo angaxazululiwe njengokunganakwa kwasebuntwaneni, izinhliziyo ezibuhlungu ezidlule ziyizimbangela ezivamile zokuziphatha okungaguquki ebudlelwaneni.
• Izinkinga zokuzibophezela: Abanye abantu basebenzisa amasu okushisa nokubanda ukuze bagweme ukuxhumana okujulile ngokomzwelo ngenkathi begcina umlingani exhumekile

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kuyini I-Breadcrumbing Ekupholeni? Izimpawu Nendlela Yokusabela Kuyo

Izimpawu eziyi-13 zokuthi Ubhekene Nokuziphatha Okushisayo Nokubandayo Ebudlelwaneni Bakho

Uma umlingani wakho engahambisani nokuziphatha kwakhe nawe, cishe uzokwazi emathunjini akho ukuthi kukhona okuvaliwe ngisho noma ungazi ukuthi ubuhlobo obushisayo nobubandayo buyini. Kodwa ingabe ukuziphatha kwabo kuyahambisana nomthethosivivinywa wokuvunguza kushisa noma kubanda noma kumane kuyindaba yokulindela okungafani noma ukungabi sekhasini elifanayo mayelana nobuhlobo? Ake sibheke izimpawu eziyi-13 zakudala zokuziphatha okushisayo nokubanda ukuze sikusize uthole ukuthi ngabe yilokho obhekene nakho: 

1. Bakuthela ngokunaka—bese besuka ngokuzumayo

Mayelana nezibonelo zokuziphatha ezishisayo nokubanda, lena ingeyakudala. Ngolunye usuku, umlingani wakho ukuthumelela umlayezo wombhalo ungami, wenza ukuthinta okuhle kothando, futhi ukwenze uzizwe umaphakathi nomhlaba wabo. Okulandelayo, abakuvumi nhlobo ukuthi ukhona. Lo mjikelezo wothando olujulile olandelwa wukuhoxa kungazelelwe ugcina usemaphethelweni, ulokhu uzibuza ukuthi wenze iphutha yini. Nansi indlela engase idlale ngayo: 

• Uzakwenu uhlela yonke impelasonto yokubaleka futhi ukwenze uzizwe ukhethekile, bese enyamalala ngeviki elilandelayo ngaphandle kwencazelo
• Bakugcwalisela ngemibhalo emihle yasekuseni nemilayezo emnandi, bese uthula kungazelelwe izinsuku
• Baqala izingxoxo ezijulile futhi baxoxe ngekusasa ndawonye, ​​kodwa lapho niphendulana, ngokuzumayo bayaqhela

Echaza ukuthi kungani ukuxhaphaza okunjalo okushisayo nokubanda kulimaza, uchwepheshe kwezobudlelwane uDkt. push-donsa ashukumisayo lokho kushiya omunye umlingani ekhathazekile futhi omunye elawula.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu eziyi-11 zokuthi Awushadile Ebudlelwaneni

2. Isimo sabo sengqondo silawula ubuhlobo

Kungani eshisa futhi ebanda kimi? Kungani ukuziphatha kwakhe kungalindelekile? Ukubambana nale mibuzo ngomlingani wakho, kukodwa nje, kuwuphawu lokuthi ninobudlelwano obushisayo nobubandayo. Isici esiyisisekelo ukuthi izinga labo le uthando ebudlelwaneni kuncike ngokuphelele endleleni abazizwa ngayo. Lapho bejabule, banothando futhi bayakunaka, kodwa lapho becindezelekile noma bephazamisekile, abakunaki ngokuphelele. Ngokwesibonelo, 

• Uma benosuku oluhle emsebenzini, banothando; uma benosuku olubi, bayabanda futhi bakude
• Bajabulile ukwenza izinhlelo kodwa uma kukhona okubacasulayo bavele bahoxe
• Bashintsha phakathi kokuba nezingxoxo kanye nokunikeza izimpendulo zegama elilodwa ngaphandle kwencazelo

3. Uhamba phezu kwawo amagobolondo amaqanda

Umlingani oshisayo futhi obandayo uyakushiya ukuhamba ngamagobolondo amaqanda nxazonke zabo ngoba ukungaqiniseki kokuziphatha kwabo kuhlale kukubi. Kwakha ukunamathela okukhathazayo, lapho uhlaziya kakhulu yonke into oyishoyo noyenzayo, wesaba ukuthi isinyathelo esisodwa esingalungile singabaphusha.

U-Emily, oneminyaka engu-28, ulandisa okuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe: “Ngangingazi ukuthi ngizothola luphi uhlobo lwesoka lami.Ngezinye izinsuku, lalimnandi futhi linakisisa.Kwezinye, lalikhululekile, lalingabaza ukuthi ngikhona.Uma ngizama ukufinyelela ukusondelana, lalivele lingene egobolondweni lalo futhi lingivimbe ngokuphelele—okuze livimbe inombolo yami. 

“Njengoba ngangingazi ukuthi yini eyabangela lezi zinguquko endleleni yakhe yokuziphatha (wayehlale echitha noma yimiphi imibuzo ngokuthi mina “ngicabanga ngokweqile” noma ngisabela ngokweqile”), ngangihlale ngizama ukugwema ukusho noma ukwenza into engalungile. Kwakungiqeda amandla, ngezwa sengathi ngihlale ngiqhuma intuthu. Lapho ekugcineni sihlukana, ngazizwa ngikhululekile, hhayi ubuhlungu noma ubuhlungu benhliziyo.”

4. Ziyanyamalala ziphinde zivele ngaphandle kwencazelo

Lokhu kwakuyiphethini nomfana enganginaye. Okwakwenza kwaba kubi kakhulu ukuthi ukwehla nokugeleza kokuba khona kwakhe empilweni yami kuhlale kuzungeza ekubeni sisondelene, ngokocansi nangokomzwelo. Izinto bezizohamba kahle, bese sihlangana. Yenza ucansi olumnandi futhi uchithe amahora ukhuluma. Lapho sivalelisa, ngangingazi ukuthi ngizozwa nini kuye ngokulandelayo—kungaba amahora ambalwa, kungaba amasonto. Isikhathi eside kunawo wonke angidlisa ngawo kwakuyizinyanga ezine. 

yebo, 4! Izinyanga ezine ungazi ukuthi lowo ozibiza ngophathina wakho ukuphi noma kungani bengakhulumi nawe. Okubi kakhulu kukho konke lokhu ukuthi wayezobuya emva kwesipoki mina, sengathi akwenzekanga lutho, ngilindele ukuthi ngiqhubeke lapho sigcine khona.

UDkt. Lisa Firestone uveza ukuthi lokhu kuwukuxhaphaza ngokuqondile okushisayo nokubanda, futhi uyachaza, “Lolu hlobo lokungezwani kwemizwelo lungadala ukuguquguquka okuluthayo lapho umlingani elangazelela ukubuya kothando futhi ahlale etshaliwe ebudlelwaneni, ngisho nalapho kungenampilo.”

5. Basho okunye kodwa benze okunye

Ukungafani phakathi kwamagama nezenzo kungenye yezimpawu ezingenakuphikwa zokuziphatha okushisayo nokubanda. Bakuthembisa inyanga nezinkanyezi, nakho konke okuphakathi, kodwa empeleni, awukwazi ngisho nokuthembela kuzo ukuthi zizovela ngesikhathi zithe zizovela. Lokhu kuntuleka kokuqondanisa kukushiya udidekile mayelana nezinhloso zabo zangempela. Ngokwesibonelo, 

• Bathi bayakukhumbula kodwa awenzi mzamo wokukubona
• Bakhuluma ngokuzibophezela kodwa bagweme ukuthatha noma yiziphi izinyathelo endleleni 
• Bathembisa ushintsho ngemva kwayo yonke ingxabano noma ukulwa kodwa bangalandeli

Yilokhu kanye uJake, 32, umklami wezithombe, adlula kukho ebuhlotsheni bakhe bokugcina. Uyakhumbula, “Intombi yami yakudala, uMandy, yayihlale ithi yasibona ubudlelwane njengesikhathi eside, ngaphandle kwezenzo zakhe zaxoxa indaba ehlukile. Ngelinye isonto, wayekhuluma ngokuhlala ndawonye, ​​futhi kwelilandelayo, wayeziba izingcingo zami. Bekukhandla.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ukwesaba Ukusondelana: Izimpawu, Izimbangela Nezindlela Zokukunqoba

6. Baqhelelana ngemva kokusondelana

Njengoba ngishilo, ukuqhela ngemva kokusondelana kwakuyiphethini elingenakuphikwa nozakwethu oshisayo futhi obandayo. Kuvele ukuthi kujwayelekile ebudlelwaneni obushisayo nobubandayo. Ngemva kwanoma yikuphi ukusebenzisana okukhuthaza ukuxhumana okujulile ngokomzwelo—kungaba ngengxoxo noma ukusondelana ngokomzimba—umlingani wakho uzohoxa, enze sengathi akwenzekanga lutho. Ngokwesibonelo, 

• Bangase babe nothando nothando ngosuku oluthile kodwa babe kude ngakusasa ekuseni
• Baqala ukusondelana ngokuba sengozini nawe kodwa babonakale bebanda noma bengenasithakazelo lapho uphindisela
• Bakha izikhathi ezijulile zokuhlangana bese ngokuzumayo badinga "isikhala"

7. Bakugcina uqagela ngemizwa yabo

Iminyaka eyisikhombisa sindawonye, ​​futhi ngangingaqiniseki ukuthi leyo ndoda izizwa kanjani ngami. Ingabe wayengithanda? Akazange yini? Ingabe wayefuna ukuba nami? Akazange yini? Kwakuwumjikelezo oqhubekayo wokukha amacembe kube nhlanga zimuka nomoya. Kwakukhona izizathu ezimbalwa zayo: 

• Wayengajwayelekile futhi ekude uma ngike ngathi, "Ngiyakuthanda", kodwa wakusho ngokukhululeka lapho umoya umshaya. 
• Wayibiza ngobudlelwano kodwa akakaze angiphathe njengomlingani 
• Wagcina wethu ubuhlobo imfihlo. Ngaso sonke isikhathi sasindawonye, ​​ngisho nomngane wakhe omkhulu wayengazi ngami 

Lokhu kwakuhlale kungishiya ngizibuza, "Kungani eshisa futhi ebanda? Ufunani? Kungani engakwazi ukwenza isinqumo?" Uma uphikisana nemibuzo efanayo, ungalenzi iphutha ukuthi ifulegi elibomvu uma uhlezi uzibuza ukuthi ume kuphi nomlingani wakho.

8. Bakusola ngokuqhelelana kwabo

Lapha ungase uzibuze, “Kungani eshisa futhi ebanda ngaso sonke isikhathi?” noma “Kungani engabikezeleki kangaka?”, futhi umuntu oqhubekisela phambili leli phethini uzophenduka futhi abeke icala ezinyaweni zakho ngokuphelele. Esikhundleni sokuthatha umthwalo wemfanelo ngokuziphatha kwabo okungaguquki, bakwenza uzizwe unecala ngokulindela ukungaguquguquki noma imbala ubuncane obungenalutho ebudlelwaneni. Nakhu ukuthi lokhu kudlala kanjani: 

• Ubabuza ukuthi kade bekude ngani, basole ngokunamathela kakhulu 
• Bazithela ngabandayo futhi, lapho bebhekana nabo, bathi “bamatasatasa nje” futhi usabela ngokweqile
• Bakusola ngokuthi uswele kanti into oyifunayo kuwukukhulumisana okuyisisekelo.

9. Bakunikeza izimpawu ezixubile

Izimpawu ezixutshiwe ingenye yezimpawu zakudala zokuziphatha okushisayo nokubanda. Ngolunye usuku, bakhuluma ngekusasa; okulandelayo, bathi abaqiniseki ngokuzibophezela. Izenzo zabo namazwi ayaphikisana, okwenza kube nzima ukuqonda izinhloso zabo zangempela.

10. Bayakugcina useduze kodwa bagweme ukuchaza ubuhlobo

Uma bejabulela ukujabulela izinzuzo zobudlelwano ngaphandle kokuzibophezela, bangase bakubophe. Kulokhu, ukuziphatha okushisayo nokubanda kungase kubangelwa ukuntula kwabo isiqiniseko sokuthi bazizwa kanjani ngawe. Nakuba bengasenathando noma bangaliboni ikusasa nawe, kodwa futhi abafuni ukulahlekelwa nguwe ngoba lokho kuyosho ukuzihlalela. Ngakho-ke, bangase bakubone njenge- uhlelo lokusekela, kuze kufike okuthile okungcono. 

URyan, umsakazi, ulandisa ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe kokuhlala nowesifazane oshisayo nobandayo, futhi uthi, “Wayeziphatha njengentombi yami, kodwa noma nini lapho ngiveza ukuzikhethela, wayethi akakakulungeli. Lokhu kwaqhubeka cishe iminyaka emibili, kwaze kwaba yilapho ehlangana nomunye umuntu emsebenzini futhi bahlukana nami ngokushesha. Kungakapheli nonyaka, base bethembisene umshado.

11. Baziveza uma bethanda

Umuntu oshisayo futhi obandayo kuwe uzophatha ubuhlobo njengomnyango ojikelezayo. Bafinyelela lapho kubalungele, bayanyamalala uma kungenjalo. Izidingo zakho, izinto ozifunayo, okulindelwe akunangqondo. Ubudlelwano bumayelana nabo, futhi bangase: 

• Bakuthumelela imiyalezo emuva naphambili amahora amaningi uma bediniwe kodwa bakuziba uma ubadinga
• Ziyanyamalala uma uzidinga kakhulu kodwa ziphinde zivele uma sezifuna ukunakwa
• Batshala imali lapho befuna okuthile kodwa baba kude kamuva

12. Banomona kodwa abazimisele

Umuntu odlala umdlalo oshisayo nobandayo ngeke azibophezele kuwe ngokugcwele kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, angeke afune ukulahlekelwa nguwe. Nakuba benqaba yenza ubuhlobo bube semthethweni, bangase babe nomona uma uchitha isikhathi nabanye noma ugcina izinketho zakho zivulekile. Echaza ukuthi kungani kunjalo, isazi sobudlelwano uDkt. Terri Orbuch sithi, “Abantu abaziphatha ngendlela eshisayo noma ebandayo ngokuvamile bafuna ukulawula ubuhlobo ngaphandle kokuzibophezela ngokugcwele.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Ezi-5 Zokubhekana Nomfana Ongakakulungeli Ukuzibophezela

13. Uzizwa ukhathele esikhundleni sokugcwaliseka

Ubudlelwano obushisayo nobubandayo yisibonelo sencwadi yokufunda ye ubudlelwano obuqeda amandla. Konke ukungaqiniseki kukushiya uzizwa ungavikelekile, uhlale ulangazelela umlingani wakho, futhi ulangazelela ukuqinisekiswa. Umuzwa wokuvikeleka nokuphepha ohlotshaniswa nobuhlobo obunempilo untula ngokuphelele ekushiseni nokubanda okuguquguqukayo. Lokhu kungakhandla ngokomzwelo ngokushesha okukhulu.  

USophia, oneminyaka engu-27, owake wabhekana nalesi simo esibucayi, uchaza okuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe ngokuthi: “Ekuqaleni, ngangidakwa kakhulu, kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi ngabona ukuthi ngangikhathazeke kakhulu kunokujabula.

Amathiphu angu-7 Endlela Yokuphula Umjikelezo Oshisayo Nobandayo

Uma ubambekile ebudlelwaneni obushisayo nobubandayo, uyazi ukuthi kungakuqeda amandla kangakanani emoyeni. Ukubhekana ne-whiplash engokomzwelo yokungazethembi komlingani wakho kungakushiya uphila nefindo elingapheli esiswini sakho. Uma bekude, wena uzizwa ungavikelekile futhi ekhathazekile. Uma lo mjikelezo uphindaphinda kaningi ngokwanele, le mizwa engathandeki ayisuki ngisho nalapho umlingani wakho ekulalele futhi elapho ngenxa yakho. 

Awukwazi ukuxhuma ngokweqiniso futhi ujabulele ngisho nezikhathi zakho ezihamba phambili ndawonye ngoba uhlala ulindele ukuthi esinye isicathulo siqathake. Ukwephula lo mjikelezo kubalulekile enhlalakahleni yakho engokomzwelo nokuzihlonipha. Kodwa-ke, njengoba lokhu kuziphatha kukuthinta emazingeni amaningi kangaka, ngokomzwelo nangokwengqondo, ukukhululeka kuvame ukufakazela inselele enkulu. Lawa macebiso ayisikhombisa asekelwe ochwepheshe okuthi unganqamula kanjani umjikelezo oshisayo noma obandayo azokusiza ukuthi uthuthuke futhi ubuyise umuzwa wakho wokuzimela:

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izibonelo Eziyi-15 Zokukhohlisa Ebudlelwaneni

1. Qaphela iphethini futhi uvume umthelela

Ngaphambi kokuthi uthole ukuthi ungawunqamula kanjani umjikelezo oshisayo nobandayo, udinga ukuqaphela ukuthi ubambeke kokukodwa. Yamukela ukuthi ukungezwani ebudlelwaneni bakho akujwayelekile noma akunempilo futhi yeka ukungaziboni izimpawu zokuziphatha okushisayo nokubanda kwesithandwa sakho. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, naka ukuthi kukuthinta kanjani. Ngokwesibonelo, 

• Ungase uzithole ubeka izaba ngokuziphatha kwabo, ucabanga ukuthi, “Bacindezelekile njengamanje.”
• Uzizwa ujabule lapho bekunaka. Lokhu kuphakamisa ukuncika ekuqinisekiseni kwabo 
• Isimo sakho sengqondo sithonywa indlela umlingani wakho akuphatha ngayo 
• Uyabona ukuthi uhlale uhlaziya amazwi nezenzo zabo

Umqeqeshi wezobudlelwano uDkt. Tracy Dalgleish uyachaza, “Ukuqinisa ngezikhathi ezithile—ukupha nokuthatha uthando okungalindelekile—kungakha uthando. umlutha-okunamathiselwe. Ukuqaphela lokhu kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokugqashula.”

2. Yeka ukubajaha bese uhlehla

U-Emma, ​​oneminyaka engu-29, ongumhlengikazi, uthi: “Ngangiye ngizame ukulungisa izinto ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho ebanda.” Ngolunye usuku, nganquma ukuyeka ukuqala, futhi ngiqagele ukuthi yini?

Manje, lokhu kungase kubonakale sengathi uphendula ukukhohlisa okushisayo nokubanda ngokuziphatha kwakho okukhohlisayo. Kodwa akukhona ukukhohlisa, kodwa ukuvikela ukuthula kwakho. Iqiniso liwukuthi lapho ugijimisa umuntu ngokuthambekela okushisayo nokubanda, kulapho umnika khona amandla engeziwe. 

Esikhundleni sokuhlala ufuna ukuqinisekiswa kwabo, fanisa amandla abo-uma besuka, ungabagijimi. Nansi indlela: 

• Esikhundleni se ukuthumela umbhalo kabili uma bengaphenduli, balinde benze umzamo
• Uma bekhansela izinhlelo ngomzuzu wokugcina, ungasheshi ukuhlela kabusha—bavumele bathathe isinyathelo kuqala
• Uma sebekude, ungazami “ukulungisa” izinto; mabeze kuwe

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3. Beka imingcele ecacile futhi uxhumane nezidingo zakho

Ufanelwe ukungaguquguquki nokuhlonishwa ebudlelwaneni. Udinga ukubeka imingcele eqinile ebudlelwaneni futhi wazise umlingani wakho ukuthi iziphi ukuziphatha ozokwamukela futhi ongeke ukwamukele. Nansi indlela: 

• Ithi, "Ngidinga ukungaguquguquki ebudlelwaneni. Uma unyamalala izinsuku, angikwazi ukuqhubeka nalokhu."
• Uma benqaba ukuchaza ubuhlobo, yenza kucace: “Ngeke ngifake imali kumuntu ongenasiqiniseko ngami.”
• Uma bekude, ungakufaki ngaphakathi—zikhumbuze ukuthi ukuziphatha kwabo kumayelana nabo, hhayi wena

Kubalulekile hhayi nje setha imingcele kodwa futhi nibasekele. Lokho kwesinye isikhathi kungasho ukudedela ithemba elingamanga lokuthi izinto zizoshintsha ngesikhathi futhi uthole isibindi sokudedela. Uma naphezu kokuthi ukhuluma ngezidingo zakho, baqhubeka nokuziphatha kwabo okushisayo nokubanda, kuwuphawu lokuthi abazimisele ukushintsha. Lokho kumele kube yinkomba yakho ukuze uphume. 

 4. Gxila ezenzweni zabo, hhayi emazwini abo

Izithembiso ezingenalutho namagama amnandi akusho lutho uma izenzo zabo zingahambelani. Njengoba besho, isithembiso ngaphandle kokushintsha siwukukhohlisa. Ngakho-ke lapho uzama ukuthola ukuthi unganqamula kanjani umjikelezo oshisayo noma obandayo, naka indlela abakuphatha ngayo kunalokhu abakushoyo. Ungabavumeli babaleke ngezenzo eziyinkinga ngoba besho izinto ezifanele ngesikhathi esifanele. Udinga ukuhlehla futhi uphinde uhlole ukuthi ubudlelwano buhle yini kuwe, uma:

• Bathi banendaba kodwa bayanyamalala uma ubadinga
• Bathembisa ukushintsha kodwa baqhubeke nokuziphatha okufanayo
• Benza uthando ngolunye usuku futhi luqhelelene nolulandelayo—lokhu kungqubuzana a ifulegi elibomvu

5. Beka kuqala ukuzethemba kwakho kanye nokuphila kahle ngokomzwelo

Ubudlelwano obushisayo nobubandayo bungaba nomthelela empilweni yakho yengqondo. Esikhundleni sokulinda ukuthi umlingani wakho ashintshe, gxila kuwena. Faka imali kokuzilibazisa, ubungane, nokuzinakekela.

• Chitha isikhathi nabangane esikhundleni sokulinda imibhalo yabo
• Thatha umsebenzi omusha wokuzilibazisa noma ugxile ekukhuleni komuntu siqu
• Zikhumbuze nsuku zonke: "Ngifanelwe umlingani ongashintshi futhi ongazisayo."

Umelaphi uDkt. Alexandra Solomon uyeluleka, “A ubuhlobo obunempilo kufanele inezele empilweni yakho, ingakucekeli phansi ngokomzwelo. Lapho uqala ukubeka phambili wena, ususa amandla ashukumisayo. "

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6. Yeka ukwenza izaba ngokuziphatha kwabo

Kulula ukuthethelela izenzo ezishisayo nezibandayo zomlingani wakho—“Bamane nje babi ekuthumeleni imiyalezo” noma “Bakhule kanzima.” Kodwa ekugcineni kosuku, ukuziphatha okungahambisani kuwukukhetha. Uma uzithola ubeka izaba ngabo noma ubanikeza inzuzo yokungabaza okwesi-1000, zikhumbuze:

• Ukube bebekhathalela ngempela, bebeyowenza umzamo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi bamatasa kangakanani
• Umuntu okwazisayo ngeke akwenze uzizwe ungalondekile ngokuphindaphindiwe
• Abantu abanomlando onzima basengakhetha ukuba nomthwalo wemfanelo ngokomzwelo

7. Zilungiselele ukuhamba uma kungashintshi lutho

UDkt. Ramani Durvasula, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emtholampilo, uthi, “Uma othile eqhubeka ekunikeza okwanele nje ukuze akubambe umlutha kodwa engalokothi akwenze uzizwe ulondekile, akayena umuntu okulungele.” Ngakho-ke, uma ukhulumile ngezidingo zakho, ubeke imingcele, ubanike amathuba aphindaphindiwe okushintsha izindlela zabo futhi baqhubeke nokuziphatha okufanayo, kungase isikhathi sokushiya ubudlelwano.

Ukuhamba akungabazeki ukuthi kunzima ngoba umuntu ovunguza kushisa futhi kubanda kukunikeza amazwibela alokho obekungenzeka kodwa angakuvumeli kwenzeke, ngakho-ke, uhlala uxhumekile. Kodwa ngesikhathi esithile, udinga ukuyeka leli themba elingamanga futhi ubuyisele impilo yakho. Nansi indlela:

• Uma bengeke bazinikele ngemva kwezingxoxo eziningi, yeka ukulinda ukuthi bashintshe
• Vimbela noma uziqhelelanise uma zilokhu zivela futhi ukuze zikugcine uxhumekile ngokomzwelo
• Zikhumbuze: “Uma ngiqhubeka nokubekezelela lokhu, angisoze ngaba nalo uthando olungifanele ngempela”

Imicabango Final

Ukuziphatha okushisayo nokubandayo ebudlelwaneni kungadala ukucindezeleka okujulile ngokomzwelo, kukushiye udidekile, ukhathazekile, futhi ulangazelele ukungaguquguquki. Uma uqaphela lezi zimpawu, kubalulekile ukubeka imingcele ecacile futhi ubeke phambili inhlalakahle yakho engokomzwelo. Ukwephula umjikelezo oshisayo nobandayo akulula, kodwa kuyadingeka empilweni yakho engokomzwelo. Qaphela iphethini, ubeke imingcele, futhi uzibeke phambili. Uma bekhathalela ngempela, bazokhuphuka; uma bengakwenzi, ukuhamba kuyindlela yakho engcono kakhulu. Ubuhlobo bangempela bakhelwe phezu kokungaguquguquki, inhlonipho, nomzamo wokubambisana—hhayi ekungaqinisekini nasemidlaloni yengqondo.

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