I-17 Red Flags Ebudlelwaneni Okufanele Uqaphele

Uma ulwela othile, kulula ukuziba lokho kungabaza okuhlala kungemuva kwengqondo yakho. Kodwa uma ubhekisisa, ungase ubone izimpawu eziyisixwayiso—amafulegi abomvu akudala ebudlelwaneni. Lezi izindlela zokuziphatha nezimo zengqondo ezibonisa inkinga ezayo. Zingase zibonakale njengezinkulumo ezicashile noma izehlakalo ezinkulu. Kunoma ikuphi, ukubaqaphela kungakongela ubuhlungu benhliziyo obuningi. Wonke umuntu ufanelwe uthando, ubambiswano olunenhlonipho, yingakho kubalulekile ukwazi amafulegi abomvu ukuthi ungawanaki lapho uthandana nomuntu omusha noma ubudlelwano besikhathi eside. 

Kusukela kumafulegi amakhulu abomvu kumfana osanda kuqala ukukubona kuye ekuziphatheni okunobuthi noma ubani angakubonisa, lo mhlahlandlela uzokuqondisa ukuthi yini okufanele uyiqaphele. Sizophinde sithinte amafulegi aphuzi, okuyizinkinga ezingezimbi kangako, namafulegi aluhlaza, noma izimpawu ezinhle, ukuze uthole isithombe esigcwele sokuthi yini eyamukelekayo nengamukeleki. Ekugcineni, uzobe ukuhlomele kangcono ukubona amafulegi abomvu angaphambi kwesikhathi ekupholeni futhi uwaphathe njengochwepheshe.

Ayini Amafulegi Abomvu Ebudlelwaneni?

Amafulegi abomvu yilezo zimpawu ezinembile zokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle nozakwenu noma ubudlelwano bakho. Ochwepheshe bobudlelwano babachaza njengezimpawu eziyisixwayiso zakuqala zokuziphatha okungase kube yingozi noma okunobuthi. Isibonelo, ukuqamba amanga okungapheli noma umona owedlulele kungase kubonakale kuncane ekuqaleni, kodwa kuvame ukusikisela ezindabeni ezijulile njengokuntula ukwethembana noma ukulawula.

Cabanga ngamafulegi abomvu njengendlela yobudlelwano yokuphakamisa isibhengezo esiyisixwayiso. Abanye bangama-classic futhi basobala, njengomlingani wakho ekuthethisa noma ekubiza ngamagama lapho nilwa, okuwuphawu olucacile lokungahloniphi. Abanye bathule futhi kulula ukuphuthelwa. Mhlawumbe umlingani wakho akalokothi axolise, noma akwenze ube necala ngezindlela ezenza uzizwe unecala ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngokuvamile, lezi zinto uzizwa emathunjini akho ngaphambi kokuthi uzibeke ngamagama. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi agqamile noma acashile, amafulegi abomvu ahlala ebonisa: 

• Amaphethini wokuziphatha okungenampilo noma okunobuthi: Lokhu kubandakanya ukuhlukumeza, ukukhohlisa, noma izenzo zokulawula. Noma yiluphi uhlobo lomzimba noma ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo ifulegi elikhulu elibomvu okungafanele lisuswe
• Izinkinga eziphindaphindiwe ngokwethembeka nokwethemba: Ukuqamba amanga, ukufihla izinto, noma umona ongapheli kuyizimpawu ezibomvu kumuntu ezibonisa ukuntula ukwethembana noma inhlonipho ebuhlotsheni.
• Ukukhulumisana okubi nokungahloniphi: Uma umlingani wakho ehlala echitha imizwa yakho, egwema izingxoxo ezibalulekile, noma ekululaza, kuwuphawu oluyisixwayiso lokungahambelani okujulile.
• Ukuzizwa ungaphephile noma ungajabulile kaningi: Ubuhlobo kufanele bunezele empilweni yakho, bungakugcwalisi ngokukhathazeka. Ingcindezi eqhubekayo noma ukuhamba ngamagobolondo amaqanda eduze komlingani wakho kuwuphawu olubomvu olubonisa ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle.

Ukuziphatha okufaneleka njengamafulegi abomvu akukhona nje okuncanyelwayo komuntu siqu okuncane, izinto ezixakayo, ukucasula, noma isilwane esifuywayo. Mhlawumbe awuthandi ukuthi ushiya amasokisi phansi. Kuyacasula lokho, kodwa hhayi ngempela ifulegi elibomvu. 

Amafulegi aphuzi naluhlaza ebudlelwaneni - ahluke kanjani kumafulegi abomvu?

Isimo sobudlelwano sigandaywe nge-mosaic yokuhle, okubi, nokubi. Ngokungeziwe kumafulegi abomvu ahlabayo amemeza isimo esiphuthumayo sekhodi-bomvu, kukhona namafulegi aphuzi akutshela ukuthi uqhubeke ngokuqapha namafulegi aluhlaza akuqinisekisa ukuthi unamandla okwakha ubudlelwano obunempilo. Cishe bonke ubudlelwano bunesabelo sabo samafulegi aphuzi naluhlaza kubo bobabili abalingani. Ngokungafani namafulegi abomvu, lokhu kuziphatha akukona ukuphulwa kwezivumelwano.  

Isibonelo, isoka lakho elisha liba novalo lapho ukhuluma ngowayethandana naye kungaba ifulegi eliphuzi. Kubonisa ukungavikeleki okungasingathwa ngokuqiniseka nangesikhathi. Yinto okumele uyiqaphele, kodwa hhayi ukuthi ubudlelwano-obenza ubudlelwano ngaphandle uma budlondlobala. Ngokungafani namafulegi abomvu asekuqaleni ekuqomeni okufanele kube yinkomba yakho ukuze unciphise ukulahlekelwa kwakho futhi ugijime, amafulegi aphuzi athi, "Hey, lokhu kungase kube inkinga uma kuqhubeka." 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: 13 Green Flags Ebudlelwaneni Okufanele Ubheke Phambili Kubo

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, amafulege aluhlaza yizinto ezinhle. Abanempilo izimpawu zobudlelwano obuhle. Amafulegi aluhlaza ahlanganisa izinto ezinjengokuhlonipha imingcele, ukuxhumana ngokukhululekile, ukubonisa uzwela, nokungaguquguquki. Isibonelo, uma umlingani wakho ekulalela, esekela izifiso zakho, futhi egcina ukuzimela okunempilo, lawo amafulege aluhlaza. 

Ukuze sikubeke ngombono lokhu, ake sicabangele lesi simo: ake sithi umngane wakho womshado unomngane oseduze wobulili obuhlukile. Impendulo yefulegi eliluhlaza ukuthi bakwethula, bakufaka phakathi, futhi bakwenze uzizwe uvikelekile ngalobo bungane. Ifulegi eliphuzi lingase libe uma bengakakwethuli, kodwa khuluma ngokukhululekile ngalo mngane. Mhlawumbe akwenzekanga ngokwemvelo, kodwa abafihli lutho. Ifulegi elibomvu kungaba uma benqaba ukukuvumela ukuthi uhlangane noma wazi ngalo mngane, bagcine leyo ngxenye yempilo iyimfihlo, noma ukukhanya okukhanyayo ngokukubuza. Lokho kuyimfihlo nokuzivikela kwakuzokhipha izinhlabamkhosi.

Amafulegi Wobudlelwano: Umhlahlandlela osheshayo

Ukuthi Izinkinga Zobudlelwano Ezincane Ziba Nobuthi Kanjani

Amafulegi abomvu awavamisile ukubonakala ezilambuni ezikhanyayo ze-neon ngosuku lokuqala. Imvamisa, ziqala njengokucasula okuncane noma izimpawu eziyisixwayiso ezicashile ezikhula zibe ukuziphatha okuyinkinga ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zibiza lokhu kukhuphuka kokuziphatha, lapho amafulege abomvu abonakala emancane, uma eshiywe ngaphandle, akhule abe yizimo ezigxilile, ezingenampilo.

Umona uyisibonelo sakudala. Ezinsukwini zakuqala, kungase kuzwakale kuthopha ukuthi umlingani wakho uthola ukungazethembi uma ukhuluma nomunye umuntu, noma ekubuza, "Ubani lowo obekuthumela imiyalezo?" ehleka. Kodwa uma lokhu kungavikeleki kungakaze kuxazululwe, kungase kuguquke ukuba nezinto ebudlelwaneni, lapho umlingani wakho, 

• Idinga ukufinyelela ocingweni lwakho
• Imibuzo mayelana nokuthi ukuphi
• Ekugcineni iqala ukulawula konke umnyakazo wakho 

Ukhiye awukona ukuphambanisa amafulegi abomvu esigaba sokuqala nezinto ezingenabungozi. Uzakwethu okugcona kanye mayelana nokuthumela umbhalo ebusuku kakhulu kungenzeka ukuthi uyazincokolela. Uzakwethu okwenza ngokuphindaphindiwe, aphonsele inselelo ubuqotho bakho, futhi owenqaba ukuqinisekiswa ubonisa izimpawu zokukhuphuka.

17 Amafulegi Abomvu Ebudlelwaneni Okufanele Ubheke

Akekho ofuna ukuchitha isikhathi endaweni ubudlelwano obungenampilo noma, okubi nakakhulu, ulinyazwe ngomunye. Ukufunda ukubona lezi zimpawu eziyisixwayiso kusenesikhathi kubalulekile empilweni yakho engokomzwelo nokuphepha. Lapha, sihlanganise amafulegi amakhulu abomvu angu-17 ebudlelwaneni obuhlanganisa ukuziphatha namaphethini avame ukupela inkinga. Uma uqaphela lezi, zithathe ngokungathi sína. 

Akunandaba ukuthi amafulegi amakhulu abomvu kumfana ombonayo noma izimpawu zobuthi entombazaneni othandana nayo; okubalulekile ukuthi ungawabhulashi ngaphansi kwengubo. Abanye bangase babonakale njengamafulegi abomvu athule ebudlelwaneni—izinto ezicashile abantu abaningi abangazinaki kuze kushaye isikhathi eside—ngakho sizokhanyisa nakulezo.

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1. Ukuziphatha kabi

Noma yiluphi uhlobo lwe ukuhlukunyezwa ebudlelwaneni, kungaba ngokomzimba, ngokomzwelo, noma ngokwengqondo, ifulegi elibomvu elisheshayo okungafanele libekezelelwe. Ukuhlukumeza kungase kuqale kuncane, njengokuthuka okulimazayo noma ukusunduzana phakathi nengxabano, futhi kamuva kukhule. Kwesinye isikhathi sizibukela phansi lezi zigameko ngokuzicabangela ngamazwi anjengokuthi, “Bavele bacasuka” noma “Bekuyihlaya”, kodwa ukuziphatha okuhlukumezayo akukaze kulunge. Uma umlingani wakho ekushaya, ekusabisa, ekuhlambalaza ngokungaphezi, noma ekulimaza ngenye indlela, lokho ifulegi elikhulu elibomvu eliphephezelisa ngokugqamile. Ungathemba ukuthi kuzoshintsha, kodwa iqiniso elinzima ukuthi ukuhlukumeza kuvame ukwanda ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

Eqinisweni, ochwepheshe beluleka ngokuthi “ngokushesha lapho ubona izimpawu zokuqala zobudlova obunjalo, kufanele ushiye ubuhlobo ngokushesha.” Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba ngokuvamile kulula ukukubona. Imihuzuko nokwesaba akuvamile othandweni. Ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo nangokwengqondo kungase kucashe kakhulu kodwa kulimaza kakhulu, futhi kungase kubukeke kanje: 

• Ukugxekwa njalo
• Ukulawula ukuzimela kwakho
• Ukukuhlukanisa nabangani
• Ukwenza uzizwe ungento yalutho 

Ukuhlukunyezwa kuvame ukuza nokuxolisa futhi kuthembise ukuthi ngeke kuphinde kwenzeke, okuvame ukwenza kube nzima ukuthi isisulu sihambe. Le phethini ifulegi elibomvu elaziwayo. Uma ubhekana nokuhlukumezeka, finyelela usizo futhi uhlele ukuphuma ngendlela ephephile. Ufanelwe ubuhlobo obungenalo ukwesaba.

2. Ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa

Uma ukhona ukuthandana notshwala noma umlingani wakho unobudlelwano obungenampilo notshwala noma izidakamizwa, kubheke njengefulegi elibomvu ebuhlotsheni bakho futhi. Lokhu akusho ukuthi wonke umuntu ojabulela isiphuzo uyifulegi elibomvu elihambayo. Sikhuluma ngokusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa: 

• Ukuzitika kaningi
• Ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa
• Noma yikuphi umlutha oqala ukuba nomthelela omubi empilweni yenu ndawonye 

Uma umuntu ebanjwe umlutha, ngokuvamile kuba ubuhlobo obuyinhloko ekuphileni kwakhe. Ungathola ukuthi utshwala, ngokwesibonelo, buhlala bufika kuqala, hhayi wena nobudlelwano. 

Ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa kungaholela ekutheni, 

• amanga
• Izinkinga zezezimali
• Izinkinga zokuthembela
• Ukuziphatha okuhlukumezayo lapho ungaphansi kwethonya

Cabanga nje kufanele uhlanze iziqephu zomlingani wakho ephuzile, noma uqanjwe amanga mayelana nokusebenzisa izidakamizwa, noma uzizwe ungaphephile ukushayela naye ngoba akadakiwe. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu kuqeda ukwethembana nokuphepha ebudlelwaneni. 

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3. Umona owedlulele

Umhawu omncane ebudlelwaneni ungazizwa uthopha ekuqaleni. Ungase ucabange, “Aww, abafuni ngempela ukulahlekelwa yimi.” Kodwa kunomehluko omkhulu phakathi komhawu omnene kanye nokungakhuzi, umona oweqisayo obusa ukuziphatha komlingani wakho. Isikhwele esinobuthi ayimuhle noma ayithandeki; iyalawula futhi isekelwe ekwesabeni. 

Uma umlingani wakho endiza esusa isibambo noma nini lapho ukhuluma nomuntu osebenza naye okhangayo, noma ekuzonda ngisho nokukhuluma nabangane bakho bakudala, lokho ifulegi elibomvu elikhanyayo. Umona ophakeme uvame ukuvela njengokusola nokudideka: "Ubani obuthumelelana imiyalezo manje? Ingabe uqinisekile ukuthi ubusemzini womngane wakho hhayi nomunye umuntu?"

Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi umhawu oweqisayo uvame ukuhlotshaniswa nesidingo sokulawula nokuntula ukwethembana. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ingakwehlukanisa futhi ikuqede amandla ngokomzwelo. 

4. Ukungamethembi

Ukwethembana kuyisisekelo sanoma ibuphi ubuhlobo obunempilo. Ngaphandle kwakho, uhlezi usonqenqemeni. Ukuntula ukwethenjwa kungabonakala ngezindlela eziningi, futhi kuyifulegi elibomvu ngokuphelele noma ngabe kuvela kuwe noma kumlingani wakho. 

• Bahlale becabanga ukuthi unamanga? 
• Ingabe uzizwa sengathi awukwazi ukwethemba igama abalishoyo? 

Noma yisiphi isimo sisho inkinga. Okugqama kakhulu amafulegi abomvu ebuhlotsheni nendoda noma owesifazane ngokuvamile zihlanganisa ukungakwazi ukwethembana. Uma umlingani wakho ehlala ekusola ngaphandle kwesizathu, kukhombisa izinkinga ezijulile zokwethembana. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma ubamba umlingani wakho emangeni njalo, uzolahlekelwa ukumethemba, futhi kufanele.

Isibonelo esisodwa esivamile uzakwethu obheka imibhalo yakho noma ama-DM ngaphandle kwemvume. Uma uke waba nomuntu askrola ocingweni lwakho ngenkathi ulele noma afune iphasiwedi yakho, uyazi ukuthi lokho kuzwakala kuhlukumeza futhi kucindezela kangakanani. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma ubona amathumbu akho ekutshela ukuthi awukwazi ukumethemba okushiwo umlingani wakho, mhlawumbe ngenxa yokuthi izindaba zakhe azihlanganisi noma ubamba ukungahambisani, kubalulekile ngokufanayo ukunaka. Ukuqamba amanga njalo noma ukuziphatha okuyimfihlo ohlangothini lwabo ifulegi elibomvu le-neon.

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5. Ukulawula ukuziphatha

Ingabe uvame ukuzithola uzizwa sengathi uthandana nonogada wasejele? Kuyisibonelo sakudala se ukulawula ukuziphatha, okuyifulegi elibomvu elibucayi elivame ukuqala ngokucashile bese liyakhuphuka. Kungathatha izinhlobo eziningi. Ngokwesibonelo: 

• Umlingani wakho ukutshela ukuthi yini ongayigqoka noma ongayigqoka
• Baphatheka kabi uma uhamba nabangani ungekho
• Bazama ukukutshela ukuthi uyisebenzisa kanjani imali
• Kudingeka babe nezwi kuzo zonke izinqumo zakho, ezinkulu noma ezincane 

Ukulawula abantu kuvame ukufihla ukulawula kwabo njengokuthi “Ngizama ukusiza” noma “kungokuzuzisa wena” noma ngisho nomhawu ozenza uthando, “Ngikuthanda kakhulu nje angikwazi ukumelana nomcabango wokuthi ukhuluma nabanye abafana/amantombazane”. Ungakhohliswa.

Uthando olunempilo aluzwani nokuhamba ngentambo. Ihlonipha ukuzimela kwakho. Uma uzithola uhlezi ulungisa indlela oziphatha ngayo ukuze ugweme ulaka noma ukugxeka kozakwenu, thatha isinyathelo emuva. Kungani wesaba ukusabela kwabo? Lokho kwesaba kuwuphawu lokulawula okuguquguqukayo.

6. Ukukhanyisa igesi kanye nokukhwabanisa

Uke wazithola usuxolisa ngezinto ongazenzanga, noma ungabaza okwakho ukuthi unengqondo ngoba uphathina wakho egcizelela ukuthi nguwe ongazikhumbuli kahle noma wenza ngokweqile? Uma kunjalo, kungenzeka ukuthi ububhekene ne-gaslighting, uhlobo lokukhohlisa okuyifulegi elikhulu elibomvu. ukukhanya kwegesi yilapho umuntu esonta iqiniso, ephika izinto owaziyo ukuthi zenzekile, noma akwenze uzizwe sengathi “uyahlanya” ngokuzizwa ngendlela ozizwa ngayo. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, leli qhinga liqeda ukuzethemba kwakho emibonweni yakho. Uqala ukucabanga, “Mhlawumbe yimina engiyinkinga” noma “Mhlawumbe ngizwela kakhulu.”

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ungase uqale ukungabaza izinkumbulo zakho noma umuzwa wakho wemvelo. Ama-gaslighters nawo athanda ukwenza sengathi ukuziphatha kwawo okubi akuzange kwenzeke noma akukubi ngendlela okhumbula ngayo. Bazosho izinto ezinjengokuthi “Angikaze ngikusho lokho” noma “Ucabanga izinto.” Kuyahlanya. Ungalenzi iphutha, ukukhanya kwegesi kuwukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo kanye nefulegi elibomvu eliqinisekile ngoba uzakwethu okukhathalela ngempela kufanele aqinisekise imizwa yakho, angakuvumeli ngokuqhubekayo futhi akudide. 

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7. Izici zeNarcissistic 

Ingabe ubudlelwano bakho empeleni buyi-"Them Show" ebonisa wena njengomlingiswa oseceleni? Uma izidingo zomlingani wakho, izindaba, kanye nokuzazisa kubusa yonke into, kungenzeka ukuthi usebenzelana nozakwenu obhuqayo, futhi umfana, ifulegi elibomvu lelo! I-Narcissism kumongo wobudlelwane isho ukuthi umlingani oyedwa unayo, 

• Umuzwa okhuphukile wokuzibona ubalulekile
• Isidingo esiqhubekayo sokutuswa
• Ukuntula uzwela ngomunye

Uma uveza okuthile ngawe, bangase bakubuyisele kubo ngokushesha. Uvamise ukuzizwa ungabonakali, noma sengathi ukhona ukuze usekele i-ego yabo. Uphawu olutshelayo lokuziphatha kwe-narcissistic a ukungabi naluzwela. Isibonelo, uma ugula, umlingani othanda i-narcissistic angase aphazamiseke ngokuthi awutholakali ukuze umsize, kunokuba akhathalele ukuthi uzizwa kabi. 

8. Ukungakhulumisani kahle nokuxazululwa kwezingxabano

Wonke umbhangqwana unokungavumelani. Okubalulekile ukuthi uzisingatha kanjani. Uma umlingani wakho evala ucingo noma nini lapho kunokungqubuzana, noma ngokuphambene ephendula yonke into encane ibe ifanayo, unenkinga yokuxhumana futhi ukuxazulula izingxabano. Ifulegi elibomvu kule nkundla yilapho izinkinga zingaxazululeki ngenxa yendlela oyedwa noma nobabili nisingatha ukungqubuzana. Ngokwesibonelo, 

• Ingabe umlingani wakho ukutshena ngamatshe, okusho ukuthi uyenqaba ukukhuluma noma ukulalela, ukuthula noma ukuhamba noma nini lapho izinto ziba nzima? 
• Noma ingabe mhlawumbe benza okuphambene futhi baqhume phezu kwezinto ezincane, bese benza sengathi akwenzekanga lutho ngaphandle kokubhekana nembangela? 

Lawa amaphethini anobuthi asukela ekungakwazini komuntu ukusingatha izingxoxo ezingakhululekile. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, kungakwenza uzizwe sengathi uhamba phezu kwamagobolondo amaqanda, ungalokothi uqiniseke ukuthi ukuncibilika okulandelayo kuzokwenzeka nini njengoba kungekho lutho oluxazululekayo.

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9. Izinkinga zokulawula intukuthelo

Ingabe umlingani wakho unentukuthelo efana nebhomu lesikhathi? Intukuthelo engalawuleki iyifulegi elibomvu elesabekayo elingenza ubudlelwano buzizwe njenge-rollercoaster ongakaze uyibhalisele. Asikhulumi ngomuntu ocasuka kancane ngosuku olubi. Sikhuluma ngentukuthelo eyenzeka njalo, enamandla engalingani nesimo. Ngokwesibonelo,

• Isoka lakho lilahlekelwa yilo futhi liqala ukumemeza nokuthuka ngoba isidlo sakusihlwa siphuze imizuzu embalwa
• Intombi yakho iphonsela incithakalo bese iphihliza ingilazi lapho ingxoxo ingahambi ngendlela yayo 

Lokhu akukona ukusabela okuvamile. Ziyizimpawu zokuntula ukuphathwa kwentukuthelo. Noma nini lapho kucatshangelwa amafulegi abomvu ebuhlotsheni nendoda noma nowesifazane, intukuthelo engalawuleki ivame ukuvela njengokukhathazayo okuphezulu. Kungani? Ngoba uma umuntu engakwazi ukulawula intukuthelo yakhe, kungadala indawo yokwesaba nokungazinzi. Ungase uqale ukugwema ukuveza izihloko ezithile ngoba wesaba ukuqhuma kwentukuthelo okungase kulandele. 

Izinhlobo zentukuthelo ezicashile ziyinkinga ngokufanayo. Mhlawumbe abathethisi, kodwa bathukuthele, bakwenze ubukeke kabi, noma bakwenze wesabe ngendlela abathukuthele ngayo. Intukuthelo engapheli iyifulegi elibomvu lezindaba ezijulile ezifana nokuthi, 

• Ukucasuka okucashile
• Ukungavuthwa ngokomzwelo
• Izinkinga zempilo yengqondo 

10. Ukuzimela 

Ukuba sothandweni ngokuvamile kusho ukuthi nijabulela ukuchitha isikhathi esiningi ndawonye. Kodwa ukuthembela ebuhlotsheni idlulela ngale kokunamathiselwe okunempilo. Kulapho othile engakwazi ukusebenza ngokoqobo ngaphandle kobudlelwane futhi ahlangane nawe ngokomzwelo ngendlela engenampilo. Ngokushintshashintsha okuncikene, oyedwa uzakwethu noma bobabili bathembele komunye cishe kukho konke ukufaneleka kwabo nenjabulo, kuze kube seqophelweni lapho imingcele ifiphaza futhi ukuzimela inyamalala. Nakuba ukuzinikela kungase kuzwakale kumnandi, ukuziphatha okuyimfihlo empeleni kuyifulegi elibomvu elithulile ebudlelwaneni ngoba kungaba nzima ukukubona uze ungene ujule kukho. Izimpawu ze-codependency zihlanganisa: 

• Badinga ukukhuluma noma ukuthumela imiyalezo njalo futhi bakhathazeke noma baphatheke kabi uma ufuna noma yisiphi isikhathi uwedwa. 
• Bangase babe nezinto abazithandayo ngaphandle kobudlelwano futhi balindele ukuthi ube yikho konke kubo - umngane, umelaphi, umngane oqhubekayo. 
• Uma wenza okuthile ngaphandle kwabo, bangase bakwenze ube necala noma bazizwe belahliwe. 
• Ezimweni ezimbi kakhulu, umlingani oncike kuye angase avumelane nakho konke okushoyo, azilolonge ngokuphelele kuwe bese ekuzonda ngakho kamuva. 

Kuba sengathi isimo sabo sengqondo nempilo kuzinza kuphela uma unaka ngokuqondile noma unabo. Lelo zinga lokunamathela lingase lizwakale lithopha umzuzu, kodwa ngokushesha liyancisha umoya. Leli elinye lamafulegi abomvu athule ebudlelwaneni. Kufanele ukunakisise ukuze ukubone. Ekuqaleni, kungase kubonakale sengathi “Hawu, akakwazi ukunginela.” Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ubudlelwano obuncikene ngokuvamile buholela ekukhathaleni. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingxoxo Yefulegi Elibomvu

11. Bathi bonke abantu ababekade beboshiwe “bayahlanya”

Naka ukuthi umlingani wakho ukhuluma kanjani ngobudlelwano bakhe bangaphambilini. Ingabe bachaza wonke umuntu wangaphambili ngokuthi “psycho,” “toxic,” noma “bibi” kuyilapho bezidweba njengezisulu ezingapheli? Uma bonke labo ababekade beshadile 'behlanya' ngokusho kwabo, lokho ifulegi elikhulu elibomvu. Impela, kungenzeka ukuthi othile ube neshwa langempela othandweni, kodwa uma kunephethini ecacile lapho ethatha umthwalo wemfanelo nganoma yikuphi ukuhlukana okudlule, kufanele uzibuze mayelana nenani elivamile. 

Umuntu okhuluma kabi ngawo wonke umuntu wakudala uveza ukwahlulela okungalungile kokuthi bathandana nobani, noma, okungenzeka, ukuntuleka kokuziphendulela ngendima yakhe kulobo budlelwano. 

Umuntu onesimilo esihle uzoyivuma indima yakhe ekuhlukaneni, kanti umuntu ohlale ebeka icala kuwo wonke umuntu akayena umuntu ofunda emaphutheni. Uma uzwa ngosuku #2 ukuthi i-ex yabo yayiyi "mantongomane" futhi enye yangaphambili yayiyi "bitch isiyonke" nokunye, naka. Kungase kubonise ukuthi bazokhuluma kanjani ngawe ngolunye usuku.

12. Ukuzihlukanisa nabangane nomndeni

Uma uphathina wakho ekugcina uhlukene nenethiwekhi yakho yosekelo, izinsimbi ze-alamu kufanele zikhala. Lokhu kungenzeka ngezindlela ezimbili: 

• Okokuqala, zikuvimbela ngenkuthalo noma zikuthene amandla ekuboneni umndeni wakho nabangane
• Okwesibili, bona ngokwabo bayenqaba ukukuhlanganisa empilweni yabo, bangalokothi bakwethule kunoma ubani obalulekile kubo
• Noma yisiphi isimo siyifulegi elibomvu lokulawula okungaba khona noma imfihlo

Kunoma yikuphi ubuhlobo obunempilo, bobabili abalingani kufanele babe nenkululeko yokulondoloza ubudlelwano babo bangaphandle futhi kancane kancane bahlanganise imihlaba yabo. Akudingekile ukuthi bathande bonke abangani bakho noma ngokuphambene, kodwa ukuzihlukanisa kuhlukile. Ivimbela lokho kuxhumana noma ukukugodla ngamabomu kokwabo. Ungawushayi indiva leli fulegi elibomvu. Ngokuvamile kuhambisana nokunye okulawulayo noma ukuziphatha okukhohlisayo. 

13. Ukungathembeki nezimfihlo

Ukungathembeki nokuziphatha okuyimfihlo kuyizimpawu ezinkulu ezibomvu ngoba zephula ukwethembana okuyisisekelo phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho. Uma ubamba umlingani wakho eqamba amanga njalo, ngisho nangezinto ezincane, kuwuphawu lokuqaphela. Namuhla, kungase kube amanga amhlophe ngokuthi babedle nobani isidlo sasemini. Kusasa kungaba yinto enkulu kakhulu. Kukubeka esimweni sokuhlala udlala umseshi noma uzizwe sengathi uyahlanya ngokuzwa ukuthi okuthile kuvaliwe.

Ukugcinwa kwemfihlo kuyakhathaza ngokufanayo, futhi kuhluke ngokuphawulekayo nelungelo lobumfihlo ebudlelwaneni. Isibonelo, uma umlingani wakho ebhalela isithandwa sakho umqhafazo bese ekufihlela lokho, noma enesikweletu sezimali noma udaba lokugembula oluthole ngephutha, lezi izimfihlo eziba nomthelela kuwe futhi kufanele ngabe zidaluliwe. Uma kunalokho besebenza kanzima ukufihla izinto, lokho kuyifulegi elibomvu. 

Kukhona futhi ukuqamba amanga ngokungenzi. Mhlawumbe abazange baqambe amanga kuwe ngokuthile, kodwa abakaze bakutshele iqiniso eligcwele. Isibonelo, basho “ngomngane” ababezihlalele naye, kodwa bayakushiya ukuthi lo mngane ungumuntu abajwayele ukuphola naye, futhi bahlezi bebodwa ngesikhathi sokudla kwakusihlwa. Lapho uthola kamuva, uzizwa ulahliwe, hhayi ngoba isidlo sakusihlwa sasingalungile, kodwa ngenxa yokuthi bafihle umongo ababewazi ngokucacile ukuthi uzoba nendaba kuwe. Ubudlelwano obunempilo bubandakanya ukuxhumana okuvulekile, hhayi amaqiniso angaphelele.

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14. Isidingo esiqhubekayo sokuqinisekiswa nokuqinisekiswa

Sonke sinokungazethembi, kodwa kunomehluko phakathi kokufuna ukuqinisekiswa ngezikhathi ezithile nokukudinga njalo ngomzuzu owodwa. Uzakwethu onesidingo esiqhubekayo sokuqinisekiswa angashintsha abe yingcindezi engokomzwelo ebuhlotsheni. Leli fulegi elibomvu lingase libukeke njengozakwenu ovame ukusho izinto ezinjengokuthi, 

• “Uyangithanda ngempela?” 
• “Uqinisekile ukuthi ungithola ngithandeka?” 
• “Ngithembise ukuthi angeke uze uhambe” 

Ekuqaleni, ungase ube nozwela futhi ubanikeze isiqinisekiso abasicelayo. Kodwa uma kungapheli, kungase kuqale ukuzwa sengathi uthwele isisindo sokuzethemba kwabo emahlombe akho. Leli fulegi elibomvu lingabonakalisa ngomona noma ukuziphatha okunamathelayo, noma ngokukuhlola. “Uma ngingabathumeleli imiyalezo, bazongithumelela umyalezo? Ingabe banendaba ngempela na?” 

Enye indlela iwukufuna ukunakwa ngezindlela ezingenampilo. Mhlawumbe badlala ngothando nabanye noma benze idrama ukuze nje usabele futhi babonise ukuthi uyabakhathalela. Okudidayo ukuthi, othile ongavikelekile angaze abangele izingxabano ukuze alinganise izinga lokutshalwa kwezimali kwakho. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ungase uzizwe sengathi uhlala kufanele ubonise uthando lwakho noma i-tiptoe eduze nokungazethembi kwabo.

15. Ukululazwa nokugxekwa

Ingabe umlingani wakho ukwenza uzizwe umncane? Nansi indlela engase ibukeke ngayo: 

• Ukululaza
• Amazwana ehlisayo
• Ukugxekwa njalo 

Lawa amafulegi amakhulu abomvu ngoba umlingani onothando kufanele akwakhe, angakubhidlizi. Kungase kuqale ngokuthi “amahlaya.” Mhlawumbe bahlekisa ngezithakazelo zakho. Wabelana ngokujabula ngokuzilibazisa noma okuthile okudalile, futhi bahlahle amehlo noma basho okuthile okufana nokuthi, "Yilokho obuchitha isikhathi ngakho? Muhle." Hawu. 

Noma mhlawumbe phambi kwabanye, benza ubuqili mayelana nemikhuba noma ukubukeka kwakho. Ungase uyihleke kanye, kodwa iphethini ibalulekile. Uma ubona umkhuba wezinkulumo ezehlisa ukuzethemba noma isithunzi sakho, ungakuzibi. 

16. Ukuntula umzamo nobudlelwano obunohlangothi olulodwa

Ingabe uzizwa sengathi uwena owenza wonke umsebenzi ebudlelwaneni bakho? Mhlawumbe nguwena ohlale ufona, uhlele izinsuku, uxazulule izinkinga, noma ugcine uxhumano luphila, ngenkathi umlingani wakho esaqhubeka. Ubudlelwano obuhlangene lapho kunokuntuleka kokuzikhandla okusobala eqenjini elilodwa kuyifulegi elibomvu ngoba likhombisa ukungalingani kwentshisekelo noma ukuzibophezela. 

• Isibonelo esihle lapho bengaqali izinsuku noma isikhathi sekhwalithi. Uma ningazange nifinyelele noma nizimise izinhlelo, ngabe nobabili nize nibonane? Uma impendulo ingucha, kuyasho lokho 
• Esinye isici sokuthatha uhlangothi olulodwa umsebenzi wemizwa. Ingabe nguwe ohlale uxolisa kuqala ngemva kokuxabana, ngisho noma kungelona iphutha lakho, ukuze nje kulungiswe izinto? 
• Ingabe uzithola unakekela isimiso sabo, izidingo zabo, izinkinga zabo, ngokungananazi okuncane? 
• Ukhumbula izinsuku zabo ezibalulekile, ubasekele ngosuku olubi, ulungise impilo yakho ukuze ibe lula kubo, kodwa uma udinga okufanayo, bayi-MIA noma abanandaba.

Ubudlelwano obufana nalobu bungakwenza uzizwe unganakiwe futhi ungaziswa, okuyifulegi elikhulu elibomvu lokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle. 

17. Thanda ukuqhuma kwamabhomu nokuhamba ngokushesha kakhulu

Emaphethelweni ahlukile we-spectrum yomzamo thanda amabhomu- lapho umuntu efika enamandla kakhulu, ngokushesha kakhulu. Nansi indlela engase ibukeke ngayo: 

• Izama ukusheshisa ubudlelwano
• Ukunithela ngothando nangezipho
• Izimemezelo eziqinile kusenesikhathi

Uma ubheka phezulu, kungase kuzwakale njengenganekwane, kodwa qaphela, ukuqhunyiswa kwebhomu kothando kuyifulege elibomvu elaziwayo futhi ngokuvamile kuyisu lokukhohlisa. Kubizwa ngokuthi “i-future faking” lapho bependa lelikusasa elihle nawe, bekhuluma ngomshado, izingane, phakade, esigabeni esingakafiki isikhathi. Kungani leli kuyifulegi elibomvu? Ngoba akusekelwe eqinisweni. Uthando lwangempela nokwethembana kuthatha isikhathi ukukhula. Uma othile ezama ukweqa lezo zigaba zokwakha, kuphakamisa i-ajenda noma indlela engazinzile yobudlelwano. 

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Amafulegi Abomvu Wobudlelwane Obuqili Abavame Ukunganakwa

Akuwona wonke amafulegi abomvu anomsindo noma asobala. Abanye bangena ngokuthula, kufihlwe ngaphansi kobudlelwane obubonakala busebenza ngenye indlela. Lezi amafulegi abomvu athule ngokuvamile yizona okunzima kakhulu ukuzibona ngoba zizenza njengokwenyuka nokwehla okuvamile, kodwa zimoshe isibopho ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.

1. Ukuhlukaniswa kwemizwelo

Akuzona izimpi eziqhumayo njalo ezikhombisa inkinga. Kwesinye isikhathi wukungabikho kokuxhumana kwangempela. Uma ubona ukuthi uzizwa ulula, uyiqiniso ngokwengeziwe, futhi ujabule nakakhulu lapho umlingani wakho engekho, kufanelekile ukunaka.

2. Ukwakha amagqubu buthule

Ukucasuka akuvamile ukufika kunomsindo. Yakha ngezingqimba ngokusebenzisa, 

• Izinhlamvu ezingavunyelwe
• Izimpikiswano ezingaxazululiwe 
• Izithembiso ezingafezekanga 

Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lokhu intukuthelo ethule ingaba amandla alimaza kakhulu ebuhlotsheni. UDkt. John Gottman, isazi esidumile sezobudlelwano, kuchaza uDkt. 

3. Izingxabano ezingaxazululiwe eziphinda ngaphandle kokuvalwa

Wonke umbhangqwana uyaphikisana, kodwa ingozi ilele ekungqubuzaneni okungakaxazululwa okuphindaphindiwe, lapho niba nempi efanayo ngokuphindaphindiwe ngoba indaba eyinhloko ayixazululeki. Kuzwakala sengathi ubambekile ekungapheli umjikelezo wokulwa, ukukhumbula okuhlangenwe nakho okufanayo ngokuphindaphindiwe, futhi ubuhlobo buqala ukuzizwa bucindezela. 

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Ukuhlonza amafulegi abomvu kungenye into, ukuthola ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze ngawo kungenye into. Kungaba nzima ngempela uma ubona ukuthi kukhona okungalungile ebudlelwaneni bakho. Ungase uzizwe udabukile. Uyamkhathalela lo muntu, utshale isikhathi nemizwa, futhi akekho umuntu ongenasici, akunjalo? Impela, akekho umuntu ongenasici. Kodwa khumbula, kunomehluko phakathi kwamaphutha omuntu avamile nokuziphatha okulimazayo. Amafulegi abomvu awela kuleso sigaba sakamuva. Ngakho-ke, uma ubone amafulegi abomvu noma elilodwa elikhulu, nanka amasu ayisikhombisa okusingatha isimo ngendlela enempilo, enikwe amandla. 

1. Ungawazibi amafulegi abomvu

Isu lokuqala nelibaluleke kakhulu okungabuzwa: bhekana namafulegi abomvu. Lokhu kuzwakala kusobala, kodwa ungamangala ukuthi kaningi kangakanani sonke sivame ukuthethelela noma ukunciphisa izinkinga lapho sisothandweni. Ungase uzitshele, 

• “Akukubi kangako.”
• “Mhlawumbe ngisabela ngokweqile.”
• “Izoba ngcono iyodwa. 

Ngeshwa, izifiso kanye nezindaba ezishanelayo ngaphansi kombhoxo ngokuvamile zibanika isikhala sokukhula. Ukwamukela ifulegi elibomvu akusho ukuthi kufanele qeda ubuhlobo khona lapho, ngaphandle uma kuwukuhlukumeza njengokuhlukunyezwa. Kusho nje ukuthi uthembekile kuwena ukuthi kukhona okuvaliwe. 

Kungani lesi sinyathelo sibaluleke kangaka? Ngoba amafulegi abomvu angaqashelwanga avame ukwanda. Uma wazisa amafulegi abomvu angaphambi kwesikhathi ekupholeni, unganqamula umjikelezo wokujwayela. Lokhu kuyadingeka ukuze uqhube noma yiluphi ushintsho.

2. Khuluma nophathina wakho ngezinto ezikukhathazayo

Uma usukhombe ifulegi elibomvu futhi wanquma ukuthi yinto ofuna ukuyilungisa, isinyathelo esilandelayo ngokuvamile siwukuxhumana ngokukhululekile nophathina wakho, ngaphandle kwasesimeni sokuhlukumeza. Lokhu kungase kungakhululeki, kodwa ingxoxo eqotho ibalulekile. Uzakwenu akayena umuntu ofunda ingqondo. Bangase bangaboni ngokugcwele ukuthi ukuziphatha kwabo kukuthinta kanjani. Ngokuyiveza ngomoya ophansi futhi ngokucacile, ubanika ithuba lokuphendula futhi okungenzeka ashintshe. Nansi indlela yokwenza ngayo: 

• Gxila ekutheni ukuziphatha kukwenza uzizwe kanjani nokuthi kungani kumayelana, kunokuba ubahlasele njengomuntu. 
• Esikhundleni sokuthi “Uhlale uqamba amanga kimi, awuthembekile!”, ungase uthi, “Ngiphatheke kabi futhi ngikhathazeke lapho ngithola izinto kamuva ongangitshelanga zona.” 
• Bese uvula inkhulumomphendvulwano ngokuthi, “Singakwazi ukukhuluma ngokuthi kungani lokhu kuqhubeka kwenzeka?” 

Manje, enye yezinto ezimbili izokwenzeka: noma bazokwamukela, noma ngeke. Kuwuphawu oluhle uma umlingani wakho elalela, engayilahli imizwa yakho, futhi ehlanganyela engxoxweni, ngisho noma kunzima ukuzwa. Mhlawumbe abaqaphelanga ngempela ukuthi ukuziphatha kwabo bekukukhathaza kangakanani. 

Nokho, uma umlingani wakho esabela kabi. Ithi, bayakuthukuthela, noma bafutheka ngolaka, noma benqaba ukuxoxa ngakho, labo abasabelayo. Impendulo ecasulayo noma enobutha emzamweni oqotho wokuxhumana, ngeshwa, enye ifulegi elibomvu phezu kodaba lwangempela. Kuphakamisa ukuthi abazimisele ukwazisa izidingo zakho noma ingxenye yabo engxabanweni, okusho ukuthi udinga ukucabanga isikhathi eside futhi kanzima mayelana nezinyathelo zakho ezilandelayo. 

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3. Beka imingcele ecacile

Ukubeka imingcele kusho ukuchaza ukuthi yikuphi okwamukelekayo kuwena nokungamukeleki, bese ukhuluma ngalokho nomlingani wakho. Uma ukuziphatha kwefulegi elibomvu kukhonjiwe, cabanga ngokuthi yimuphi umngcele okudingeka uwubeke ukuze uzizwe uphephile noma uhlonishwa. Umngcele ufana nomthetho womuntu siqu noma umkhawulo. Ngokwesibonelo, uma oshade naye enomkhuba wokukuthethisa lapho nixabana, umngcele ungase ube ukuthi: “Ngeke ngihlanganyele ezingxoxweni lapho ngithethiswa khona, uma kwenzeka, ngizoyishiya ingxoxo kuze kube yilapho sesikwazi ukukhuluma ngokuthula.”

Yenza imingcele yakho icace futhi iqine. Nansi indlela

• Esikhundleni sokuthi “Ungadeleli,” chaza ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukungahloniphi: “Ungangibizi noma ungithuke, ngeke ngihlale engxoxweni lapho ngithukwa khona.” 
• Esikhundleni sokuthi “Chitha isikhathi nami,” ithi “Asivumelane okungenani nobusuku obubodwa ngeviki ngaphandle kwamafoni, ukuze ngazi ukuthi sizoba nesikhathi esiseqophelweni eliphezulu.” 
• Cacisa ukuthi yini oyilindele nokuthi uzokwenzani uma lokho okulindele kungafinyelelwa

4. Funa ukusekelwa kanye nombono wangaphandle

Ukubhekana namafulege abomvu kungaba okukhathazayo ngokomzwelo nokudida. Yingakho ukufinyelela ekutholeni ukwesekwa kuyisu elibalulekile. Lokhu kungasho ukukhuluma nabangane noma umndeni othembekile mayelana nokuthi kwenzekani, ukufuna iseluleko, noma indlebe elalelayo. Kwesinye isikhathi, uma usothandweni oluqinile, kuba nzima ukubona kahle. Ungase uziqagele ngokwakho noma wenze izinto zibe ngokwejwayelekile ngoba usondelene kakhulu nesimo. Ukuthola umbono wangaphandle kungase kufane nokuthi othile akukhanyisele ithoshi endleleni emnyama.

Khetha umuntu omethembayo futhi owaziyo ukuthi uzothembeka kuwena. Ngokufanelekile, umuntu ongachemi kumlingani wakho. Chaza ukuthi bekwenzekani nokuthi kukwenza uzizwe kanjani. Ngokuvamile, ukuvele nje uphimisele komunye umuntu kungenza kucace. 

Ungacabanga futhi ukukhuluma nomelaphi noma umeluleki. Umelaphi angasiza ukuqinisekisa imizwa yakho, aqinise ukuzimisela kwakho, futhi akunikeze amasu afanelana nesimo sakho. Uma ukuxhumana kuyinkinga enkulu, kodwa nobabili nifuna ukusebenzela kuyo, ukwelashwa kwabashadile kunganikeza indawo engathathi hlangothi yokubhekana namafulegi abomvu nomlamuli. 

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5. Dala uhlelo lokusebenza ukuze usebenze kulo noma uhambe

Ngemva kokuhlonza amafulegi abomvu, ukukhuluma nomlingani wakho, ukubeka imingcele, nokufuna ukusekelwa, yisikhathi sesinqumo. Ngabe uzosebenza ebuhlotsheni, noma sekuyisikhathi sokuhamba? Ngezinye izikhathi impendulo icacile; ngezinye izikhathi kunzima ngempela ngoba ubudlelwano bukhona ngokumpunga. Kodwa ukwenza uhlelo kuzokunika umuzwa wokuqondisa nokulawula.

• Inketho A: Sebenza ngakho. Uma umlingani wakho ebonise ukuzisola kwangempela noma ukuzimisela ukushintsha, futhi ukuziphatha kwefulegi elibomvu akuphelele amadili-breakers ngawe, unganquma ukunikeza ubudlelwano ithuba lokuthuthuka. Uma kunjalo, chaza ukuthi uzosebenza kanjani kukho. 
• Inketho B: Hamba uhambe. Kwesinye isikhathi uhlelo lokusebenza olunempilo kakhulu luwuhlelo lokuphuma. Uma ubhekene nezinkinga ezinzima ezifana nokuhlukumeza, ukukopela okungapheli, noma umlingani owenqaba ngokuphelele ukuvuma noma yikuphi ukona, khona-ke amathuba okuba nesixazululo esijabulisayo mancane.
• Inketho C: Ukuhlukaniswa kwesivivinyo noma ukumisa kancane. Lokhu kuphakathi kokusebenza kuwo nokuwuqeda ngokuphelele. Ngezinye izikhathi, ukuthatha ikhefu kunganikeza bobabili abantu umbono

6. Landela futhi uhlale ungaguquguquki

Noma ngabe iyiphi inkambo oyikhethayo, kubalulekile ukuyilandela futhi uhlale uhambisana nayo. Ukubhekana namafulegi abomvu akuwona umcimbi owenziwa umuntu oyedwa. Kuyinqubo eqhubekayo yokugcina imingcele nezinqumo ozenzile. Yilapho abantu abaningi bekhubeka khona. Ngokwesibonelo, 

• Babeka umngcele kodwa bese bewuvumela usheleli “kanye nje” 
• Bahlukane kodwa baqhubeke bezixoxela zonke izinsuku kube sengathi akukho okushintshile
• Ukuze ubhekane namafulegi abomvu ngempela, kufanele unamathele ezibhamu zakho

Elinye isu elingasiza ukubhala phansi isinqumo sakho esiwumongo futhi lapho uzizwa untengantenga, sibheke. Futhi, gubha ukunqoba okuncane kokuvumelana. Uma ugomele inyanga yonke nemingcele yakho, zibambe emhlane. Uma ungenayo udakiwe-uthumele i-ex yakho isonto lonke, uziphathe kahle. Zinzima lezi zinto! Kulungile ukuvuma umzamo odingekayo. 

7. Yazi ukuthi uzohamba nini unomphela

Okokugcina, udinga ukwazi ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sokushiya ubuhlobo unomphela. Lesi ngokuvamile isinyathelo esinzima kakhulu, ngoba uthando, ithemba, nomlando kungasibopha ngokuqinile. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi ukuhamba kuyisisombululo esinempilo kunazo zonke, uma kungesona kuphela, esisele. Ungase ufinyelele kuleli qophelo ngemva kokuzama amasu adlule ngaphandle kwempumelelo, noma ungase ugxume uqonde lapha uma ifulegi elibomvu kungaxoxiswana ngalo, njengokuhlukumeza. Wazi kanjani ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sangempela sokuhamba? Bheka lezi zimpawu:

• Ukwephulwa kwemingcele okuphindaphindiwe
• Akukho ngcono naphezu kwezithembiso
• Impilo yakho engokwengqondo noma yomzimba iyawohloka
• Uqala ngethemba lokuthi bazohlukana nawe
• Kuyenzeka ukuziphatha kwe-deal-breaker

Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa

Imicabango Final

Amafulegi abomvu kungase kube nzima ukubhekana nawo, kodwa ukuwaqaphela kuwuhlobo lokuzithanda wena. Ngokuvuma lezi zimpawu eziyisixwayiso, empeleni uthi, "Ngifanelwe okungcono kunalokhu." Futhi uyakwenza. Wonke umuntu ufanelwe ubudlelwano obakhelwe phezu kokuhloniphana, ukwethembana, nomusa. Nakuba bungekho ubudlelwano obungenasici, kunomehluko omkhulu phakathi kwezinto ezivamile zomuntu kanye nokuziphatha kwangempela kwefulegi elibomvu okubukela phansi inhlalakahle yakho.

Ekupheleni kosuku, ubuhlobo kufanele buzizwe njengetheku eliphephile, hhayi isiphepho. Ngokuqaphela amafulegi abomvu ebuhlotsheni futhi ukhulume nawo ngqo, uqondisa impilo yakho emanzini azolile, acwebile, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi unozakwethu ofanayo oshintshiwe noma unohambo olusha ngokuphelele. Awufanelwe lutho oluncane.

Uzizwa Ungavikelekile Ebudlelwaneni? Izimpawu Nezindlela Zokukunqoba

Oku-3 Okumele Okumele Nokungamele Okungamele Ebudlelwaneni Ukuze Ube Umbhangqwana Ojabulayo

Ungabuthuthukisa Kanjani Ubudlelwano Bakho: Umelaphi Weluleka

Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

Bheka Inqubo Yethu Yokuhlela

Hlangana Nebhodi Lethu Lokubuyekeza

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