21 Izimpawu Zokuthi Uwedwa Ebudlelwaneni

Noma yibuphi ubudlelwano besikhathi eside budlula ezingxenyeni ezinhle nezinhle, lapho ukusondelana nokuxhumana kukhula futhi kugeleze. Inqobo nje uma umuzwa webanga nokuba wedwa kuyisigaba esidlulayo futhi wena nomlingani wakho ningathola indlela yenu komunye nomunye, akusona isizathu sokukhathazeka. Nokho, lapho uqala ukuzizwa uwedwa ebudlelwaneni ngokungaguquki, kungaba uphawu lwezinkinga.

Phela ubudlelwano bumayelana nohambo olwabiwe lothando nobungane. Uma naphezu kokunakekela ngokujulile umlingani wakho, uzizwa unqanyuliwe futhi uqhelelene naye, kungaletha ukunganeliseki okuningi nokungajabuli. Uma kubhekwa ukuthi leli banga kanye nomuzwa wesizungu kungangena ngokuthula futhi kancane kancane, ukuguquguquka kobudlelwane bakho kungadida kakhulu. 

Kungani ungasakhulumi kangako? Kungani umlingani wakho ebonakala engenandaba? Kungani kuzwakala sengathi kunengxenye yazo ongeke ukwazi ukuyifinyelela? Ukuze uthole izimpendulo, okokuqala kudingeka uvume inkinga bese ubheka indlela yokuyixazulula. Ukuze senze lokho, ake sibheke ezinye zezimpawu ezivame kakhulu zokuthi uwedwa ebudlelwaneni, kanye nezixazululo ezithile ezisekelwa uchwepheshe zokubhekana nazo.  

21 Izimpawu Zokuthi Uwedwa Ebudlelwaneni

Ukuzizwa unesizungu ebudlelwaneni kungasho izinto ezahlukene kubantu abahlukene, kuye ngesidingo somuntu ngamunye sokuxhumana nokusondelana. Ngaphandle kwalokho, isizungu esingokomzwelo singabonakala ngezindlela ezicashile kangangokuthi ungasizwa njengento eyenzeka ngaphakathi kobudlelwano bakho kodwa ungazi ukuthi yini ngempela engalungile. Njengoba ngishilo ngaphambili, konke kungaba yinto ephazamisayo futhi edidayo kakhulu. Ukuze uqonde lolu shintsho oluphazamisayo, udinga ukwazi ukubona izimpawu zokuxwayisa zokuthi uwedwa ebudlelwaneni. Lokhu kufaka phakathi:

1. Umaqondana wakho akabonakali enentshisekelo osukwini lwakho

Ukungabi nandaba komlingani wakho ngezinto ezenzeka empilweni yakho kungenye yezimpawu ezisobala kakhulu zokungaxhumani ebudlelwaneni , okungakubangela imizwa yokuzihlukanisa kanye nesizungu. Ake sithi uthola ukuthi uzimisele ukukhushulwa emsebenzini bese uthumela umyalezo ngenjabulo kumlingani wakho kodwa akazikhathazi nokuphendula ngoba “wayematasa kakhulu”. Noma ubatshela ngendlela obe nengxabano embi ngayo nomuntu osebenza naye futhi abasakwazi ukubheka phezulu ocingweni lwabo.

Lezi zindlela zokuziphatha ziphakamisa ukuthi umlingani wakho uhoxile ngokwengqondo noma ngokomzwelo empilweni yakho. Ukuntula kwabo utshalomali kanye nentshisekelo kungashiya unesizungu ebuhlotsheni bakho. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. Carla Marie Manly sithi, “Lapho umngane wakho womshado ehlukana nokuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kwansuku zonke, kungase kubangele ukuhlukana okukhulu ngokomzwelo.”

2. Izingxoxo zakho zisezingeni eliphezulu

Izingxoxo ezinenjongo zivula indlela yokuxhumana okujulile. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi seninesikhathi esingakanani ndawonye, ​​​​nidinga ukuqhubeka nazana ngokuseduze ukuze nikhulise ukuxhumana kwenu. Uma lezo zingxoxo ezinengqondo ezivuselela ukusondelana ngokomzwelo seziphumile ebuhlotsheni benu futhi ukuxhumana kwenu kugxile ekudleni, ezindleleni zokukhokha, ezokuthutha, kanye nemikhuba, ungase uzithole ulwa nomcabango othi, “Ngizizwa ngingedwa ngaso sonke isikhathi.” Echaza ukuthi kungani abantu bezwa ukuhlukaniswa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni, umqeqeshi wezobudlelwano u-Esther Perel uyaphawula, “Lapho imibhangqwana iyeka ukwabelana ngamaphupho ayo, ukwesaba, kanye nemizwa, ingazizwa ihlukene ngisho nasegumbini elilodwa.”

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3. Wenza umzamo omkhulu

Esinye sezibonakaliso ezibonisa ukuthi uwedwa ebudlelwaneni ukuthi umthwalo wokugcina ubudlelwano buqinile uphezu kwakho. Nguwe oqala ukuxhumana, ohlela ubusuku bokuqomisana, oqala ukusondelana, ohlela amaholide noma izimanga. Futhi umlingani wakho useseduze nohambo. Kungaqala ukuzizwa sengathi usebudlelwaneni obunohlangothi olulodwa. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esidumile kanye nochwepheshe wobudlelwano uDkt. John Gottman uthi, “Umzamo wohlangothi olulodwa udala ukungalingani kwamandla futhi ushiye omunye umuntu ezizwa eyedwa futhi engabalulekile.”

4. Ukusondelana ngokomzimba kuncipha

Izenzo zokusondelana ngokomzimba njengokwanga, ukuqabulana, ukubambana ngezandla, noma ukugonana zibalulekile ekuqiniseni ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo phakathi kombhangqwana. Ungase uqale ukuzizwa uwedwa ebudlelwaneni uma umlingani wakho eyeka ukukubonisa uthando ngokomzimba. Umeluleki wezobudlelwano uDkt. Laura Berman uthi, “Ukusondelana ngokomzimba kuvame ukubonakalisa ukusondelana ngokomzwelo, futhi ukuntuleka kungabonisa izinkinga ezijulile.”

5. Awuzwakali

Udokotela wezokwelapha uNedra Glover Tawwab uthi, “Ukuzwiwa kuyasiqinisekisa. Lapho amazwi ethu ebonakala engabonakali, nathi siyakubona.” Uma njalo uma wabelana ngento ebalulekile nomlingani wakho—kungaba ukukhathazeka kwakho ngobuhlobo noma into obhekene nayo—ekhuluma ngabo noma eqala ukukhuluma ngezinkinga zabo nezinselele, esikhundleni sokukuzwa ukhulume futhi aqinisekise imizwa yakho, ungase uqale ukuzizwa sengathi izwi lakho nemicabango yakho akubalulekile. Lapho lokhu kukhubazeka ngokomzwelo kuphinda njalo, ungase uzizwe ungasathandi ukuvuleleka kumlingani wakho. Umphumela? Isizungu esingokomzwelo.

6. Umlingani wakho ubonakala ekude noma ephazamisekile

Uma umlingani wakho ehlala ematasa kakhulu ukuba angaxhumani nawe ngempela, lokho kubonisa ukuntuleka kokubeka izinto phambili. Njalo uma uzama ukukhuluma naye bese egxila ocingweni lwakhe noma enqekuzisa ikhanda engacabangi, kudala isithiyo phakathi kwenu nobabili. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, lezi zithiyo ziyahlangana futhi zibonakale njengokungabikho ngokomzwelo. Uma umlingani wakho engekho lapho ngenxa yakho ngokomzwelo, ngokwemvelo uzozithola ukhala ngokuthi, “ Ngizizwa ngingedwa ebuhlotsheni bami .”

7. Babeka phambili konke okunye ngaphezu kwakho

Imizwa yesizungu ingaqala futhi ukukhukhumala uma ubona izimpawu zokuthi awubalulekile ebudlelwaneni . Uma isimiso somlingani wakho sihlala sigcwele umsebenzi, izinto azithandayo, kanye nezibopho zomphakathi, okukushiya isikhathi esincane njengemibhangqwana, ungase uqale ukuzizwa ungabalulekile futhi umuzwa wokungaxhumani ungangena kalula. UDkt. Gary Chapman, umbhali wencwadi ethi The 5 Love Languages, uyachaza, “Uma umuntu ekhetha konke okunye kunawe, kuwuphawu lokuthi ukuzibophezela kwakhe kungase kube kwenye indawo.”

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8. Umlingani wakho akenzi mzamo wokuxazulula izingxabano

Ukungezwani kuyinto ebalulekile ebudlelwaneni. Yikhono lombhangqwana lokuxazulula izingxabano ngendlela enempilo elibonisa amandla esibopho sabo. Eqinisweni, ukuxazulula izingxabano okunempilo kungasiza ekusondezeni abalingani ngokususa ukungezwani nokukhulisa izikhathi zokuba sengozini.

Uma umlingani wakho enqaba ukuhlanganyela kule ngxenye ebalulekile yokugcina ubuhlobo buphila futhi bunempilo ngokuvala phansi lapho kungqubuzana noma ukuziba izinkinga, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi umthwalo wokuthwala isisindo somzwelo wezindaba ezingaxazululiwe ukuwe wedwa. Lokhu kungaletha ukucasuka nokuqhelelana ebudlelwaneni.  

9. Abakugubhi ukunqoba kwakho

Uma umlingani wakho ebukela phansi, enqaba ukuvuma, noma elahla yonke impumelelo noma isinyathelo osithathayo empilweni yakho yomuntu siqu noma yomsebenzi, uzozithola ucabanga ukuthi, “Angijabule ebuhlotsheni bami .” Phela, wena nomlingani wakho kufanele nibe ngabaholi abakhulu bomunye nomunye. Uma bengawamukeli lowo msebenzi, ungase uzizwe uwedwa futhi uhlukanisiwe kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uphumelele kangakanani futhi uphumelele kangakanani.

10. Uzizwa ungasekelwe ngokomzwelo

UReena, umama oneminyaka engu-32 ubudala onengane esanda kuzalwa, unomuzwa wokuthi umyeni wakhe ubengangisekeli ngesikhathi sokukhulelwa nangemva kokubeletha. Lokhu kumshiye ebhekene nemizwa yokuba nesizungu kanye nokungathandwa. “Ingane yethu esanda kuzalwa iyenqaba ukulala ubusuku bonke. Imane ikhale ngaphandle kokuthi ngiyincelise. Esikhundleni sokungisiza ngiyiduduze, umyeni wami uvele acasuke ngokuthi angikwazi ukulalisa ingane futhi uphikelela ngokuthi ngiyincelise ubusuku bonke ukuze ingakhali.

“Bekubuhlungu kakhulu ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo, ngizizwa ngingedwa futhi ngicindezelekile. Uma uke wabhekana nokushoda okufanayo kokusekelwa ngokomzwelo okuvela kumlingani wakho, ungase ugcine unomuzwa wokuthi ubhekene nayo yonke into uwedwa. Lokho kungaba yisiqalo esinamandla sokuzizwa unesizungu ebuhlotsheni.  

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11. Bayichitha imizwa yakho

Umeluleki wemishado uDkt. Jane Greer uthi, “Ukuxoshwa kuwuphawu lokuthi umlingani wakho akakunaki okuhlangenwe nakho kwakho, okuwuhlobo lokulahlwa ngokomzwelo .” Lokhu kungaphazamisa ubuthakathaka ebudlelwaneni, futhi kukwenze uhoxe ngokomzwelo, okwandisa ibanga phakathi kwakho nomlingani wakho.

USadie, umfundi wezomthetho owake waphila ngale ndlela mathupha, uthi, “Ngangilwa nemizwa yesizungu lapho umlingani wami ethuthela kwelinye idolobha futhi sanquma ukumbonisa u-LDR. Kungani singeke nje sibe nengxoxo emnandi ngaphandle kokuthi ulokhu ukhala?” Ukungabi naluzwela kwakhe kwagcina ngiholele ekutheni ngigcine nginaye.”

12. Umaqondana wakho akahleli nawe ikusasa 

Ukuthi uzakwenu uphendula kanjani ezingxoxweni ezimayelana nekusasa kungase kube nomthelela ekutheni uzizwa uvikelekile futhi uxhumeke kangakanani ebudlelwaneni. Uma bengakufaki emdlalweni wabo noma bebonakala bengakhululekile ukuxoxa ngezinhlelo zesikhathi eside ezihilela nina nobabili, lokho kuphakamisa ukuthi bangase bangaboni ubudlelwano buhamba isikhathi eside.

Lokhu kungakushiya uzizwa ungavikelekile futhi ungaqiniseki ngendawo yakho empilweni yabo. Uma ungazi ukuthi umi kuphi nomlingani wakho noma uma nivumelana ngokuthi ikusasa lingakuphathelani, ukulwa nomuzwa wokungaxhumani nokuqhelelana kungokwemvelo.

13. Uzizwa sengathi uhamba phezu kwamagobolondo amaqanda

Kungani ngizizwa ngingedwa ebudlelwaneni bami, uyazibuza? Incazelo eyodwa ezwakalayo kungaba ukuthi uzithola usuqhela ezihlokweni ezithile ukuze ugcine ukuthula, wesaba ukuthi uma uzikhulisa umlingani wakho uzoqhela kakhulu futhi ahoxe. 

Uma uzigxeka njalo futhi uzizwa sengathi kufanele uhambe phezu kwamagobolondo amaqanda ukuze ugweme ukuwacasula, kudala ukukhathazeka okuyisisekelo okuvimbela ubuqiniso. Isizungu osizwayo singaba umphumela wokugodla izingxenye zakho nomlingani wakho. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. Lisa Firestone siyachaza, “Ukuhamba phezu kwamagobolondo amaqanda kudala isimo sokukhathazeka esiqhubekayo, kuqede ukusondelana.”

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14. Ningabangani ngaphezu kozakwethu

Nakuba ubungane phakathi kwabalingani bungaqinisa isisekelo sobudlelwano , uma sekusele lokho kuphela phakathi kwabo, imizwa yesizungu ingaqala ukumila. Ukuntuleka kokusondelana okunothando noma ngokomzwelo kungenye yezimpawu zokuqala zokungaxhumani ebudlelwaneni. Kungenza ubuhlobo buzizwe bungenalutho futhi bungaphelele, kukwenze uzizwe unesizungu futhi unesizungu naphezu kokuba nomlingani ongabelana naye impilo yakho.

15. Uchitha isikhathi sakho esiningi ukhululekile uwedwa

Olunye uphawu olubalulekile olubonisa ukuthi uwedwa othandweni ukuthi noma nindawonye, ​​nincamela ukwenza izinto ezihlukene kunokuchitha isikhathi ninobabili. Ekhaya, uvamise ukuba semakamelweni ahlukene noma nenza izinto ezihlukile. Noma ngisho nalapho nindawonye ekamelweni lenu, nobabili nimatasa efonini yakho esikhundleni sokuyisebenzisa njengethuba lokuxhuma. 

Lokhu kubonisa ukuntuleka kwesifiso sokusondelana. Ekugcineni, ibanga elingokomzimba nelingokomzwelo lingakhulisa imizwa yokuba nesizungu. Udokotela Wezengqondo uDkt. Jenn Mann uthi, “ Isikhathi esisezingeni eliphezulu sibalulekile ukuze kuthuthukiswe ubudlelwano. Ukusondelana ngokomzimba ngaphandle kokuxhumana kusakushiya uzizwa unesizungu.”

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16. Umlingani wakho uyakugwema ukubheka emehlweni

Ukuzihlukanisa ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni kubonakala nasekukhulumeni komzimba kwabalingani kanye nokuziphatha kwabo eduze komunye nomunye. Isibonelo, uma umlingani wakho egwema ukukubona ngamehlo okunenjongo ngesikhathi sezingxoxo noma ngezikhathi zenu zokusondelana, kungadala ukuhlukana okucashile kodwa okubonakalayo okwenza uzizwe ungabonwa, futhi ngenxa yalokho, uwedwa ebuhlotsheni bakho. Isazi solimi lomzimba uPatti Wood siyachaza, “Ukuxhumana kwamehlo kuyifasitela lokusondelana. Ukungabikho kwako kungabonisa ibanga elingokomzwelo.”

17. Uzizwa njengomthwalo uma uwadinga

Ukuntuleka kokusekelana kungenye inkomba yokuthi uwedwa naphezu kokuba sebudlelwaneni. Uma uzizwa unecala noma uthwele kanzima ngokucela usizo lapho ugula noma udinga ukwesekwa ngokomzwelo ngoba umlingani wakho eziphatha sengathi ukukusiza kuyisiphazamiso esikhulu kuye, ubuhlobo bakho abunazwelo nokunakekelwa. Ngenxa yalokho, ungase uzithole ucabanga ukuthi, “Ngizizwa ngedwa ebudlelwaneni bami.”

18. Babonakala benentshisekelo encane ezintweni ozithakaselayo

Ukuntuleka kwesithakazelo ezintweni umuntu azithandayo nangazithandi kuphakathi kwezibonakaliso ezingenakuphikwa zokungaxhumani ebudlelwaneni. Uma umlingani wakho esesukile ekuphakamiseni imisebenzi nezinto azithandayo eningaziphishekela ndawonye waze wabonisa ukungabi nasithakazelo ezintweni azithandayo , kudala umuzwa wokuhlukana. Lokho, nakho, kungakushiya uzizwa unesizungu ebudlelwaneni.

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19. Uzizwa uphelelwa amandla esikhundleni sokuba namandla

Uma umqondo wokuchitha isikhathi nomlingani wakho ukwenza uzizwe ukhathele kunokuba ujabule futhi ujabule, kusho ukuthi ukuxhumana kwakho ngokomzwelo sekuphelile. Ezimweni ezinjalo, ubudlelwano bungaqala ukuzizwa njengomthwalo kunokuba bube umthombo wokusekela. Lokhu kungashesha kube ulaka, inzondo , kanye nezingxabano ezingapheli, okwandisa imizwa yokuba nesizungu kanye nokungaxhumani.

20. Izidingo zakho nemingcele ayihlonishwa

Uma ubeka imingcele kodwa umlingani wakho engayinaki ngokuphindaphindiwe, kungakushiya uzizwa sengathi ukuzimela kwakho kanye nenhlalakahle yakho kusongelwa. Lokhu ngeke nje kukwenze uzizwe sengathi umlingani wakho akazihloniphi izidingo zakho kodwa futhi kwenze ubudlelwano bube yindawo engaphephile, okwenza kube nzima ngawe ukuxhumana naye. Lo mhosha uyaqhubeka ukhula njalo lapho uphula umthetho, okuholela ekuhlukaneni nasekuzihlukaniseni.

21. Uphuthelwa inguqulo 'yakudala' yobudlelwano bakho

UDkt. Alexandra Solomon, umbhali wencwadi ethi Loving Bravely , uthi, “Uma silangazelela isikhathi esidlule, kuvame ukukhombisa izidingo ezingakafezeki okwamanje.” Uma uhlala ebudlelwaneni ngenxa nje yokuthi umlingani wakho wakwenza wazizwa kahle, wathandwa, futhi waziswa kangakanani ngesikhathi esithile futhi uhlale unethemba lokuthi lezo zinsuku lapho nanivumelana futhi nithandana zizobuya uma uzama kanzima, ubambe isikhathi eside, izidingo zakho ezingokomzwelo azikahlangatshezwa. Leso sigebengu yisona esikwenza uzizwe unesizungu futhi unesizungu.

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Ukuzizwa uwedwa ebudlelwaneni, uhoxile futhi uhlukanisiwe naphezu kokuba nomlingani ozokwabelana naye ngempilo yakho, kungaba nzima ngokomzwelo ukusho okuncane. Kukugcwalisa ukungaqiniseki nokungazethembi, kukwenze uzibuze ukuthi ubudlelwano benu bubheke enhlekeleleni engenakugwenywa yini. Hhayi-ke, uma ungazinaki izimpawu zokunqamuka okukhulayo futhi ukhombe futhi ulungise imbangela ewumsuka, kungenzeka nje. 

Kodwa-ke, okuphambene nalokho kuyiqiniso. Asikho isizathu sokuthi ningakwazi ukuthola indlela yokuxhumanisa kabusha nokuvuselela ukuxhumana uma nje wena nomlingani wakho nizimisele ukuxazulula izinkinga nokwenza izinguquko ezakhayo endleleni enixhumana ngayo. Futhi nikwenza kanjani lokho? Nazi amathiphu ayi-7 asekelwa ochwepheshe okubhekana nokuzizwa ninesizungu ebudlelwaneni:

1. Thulula kumlingani wakho ngemizwa yakho

Yini okufanele uyenze uma uzizwa uwedwa ebuhlotsheni bakho, uyazibuza? Okokuqala nokubaluleke kakhulu, ungayivali imizwa yakho bese uyivumela ikhule. Kunalokho, yiba nengxoxo eqotho nomlingani wakho mayelana nendlela ozizwa ngayo. Ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi abakuchithi noma abakwenzi kube yize ukukhathazeka kwakho, yabelana ngezibonelo ezithile zezikhathi oye wazizwa unesizungu noma ungenaso isibopho, bese ubazisa ukuthi ufuna ukusebenzela ukuthuthukisa ubuhlobo bakho. Kubalulekile ukuthi uhlale uzolile futhi ugweme ukubeka icala noma ukusola.

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDkt. Carla Marie Manly utusa ukuveza imizwa endaweni esengozini kunokusola. “Ukuvula endaweni yokuzizwa kumema uzwela nokuxhumana kunokuzivikela,” uyanezela. 

2. Thola futhi ukhulume ngezidingo zakho ngokucacile

Izimpawu zokunqamuka ebudlelwaneni lapho izidingo zozakwethu oyedwa noma bobabili zingahlangatshezwana. Kungenzeka ngokuphelele ukuthi umlingani wakho akahoxisiwe ngokomzwelo noma akakude noma akatshaliwe, kodwa akakwazanga ukuqonda izidingo zakho, izifiso, kanye nalokho okulindele. 

Ngakho-ke, ngaphambi kokuqala inkhulumomphendvulwano nomlingani wakho, zinike isikhathi sokuzazisa futhi uzibuze, "Kungani ngizizwa ngingedwa ebudlelwaneni bami?" Khomba ukuthi yiziphi izenzo ezithile ezingakwenza uzizwe uxhumeke kakhulu. Noma ngabe kuchitha isikhathi sekhwalithi, ukuthola ukwesekwa okwengeziwe ngokomzwelo, noma ukungena njalo, cacisa okudingayo.

UDkt. Gary Chapman, umbhali wencwadi ethi The 5 Love Languages , ugcizelela ukuthi kubalulekile ukuqonda izidingo zakho ngaphambi kokuba uzilindele kumlingani wakho. “Ukufunda ukukhuluma ulimi lwakho lothando—kungakhathaliseki ukuthi amazwi okuqinisekisa, izenzo zokukhonza, noma isikhathi esihle—kusiza umlingani wakho azi ukuthi angavela kanjani kuwe,” usho kanje.

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3. Funa ukulinganisela emizamweni nasemithwalo yemfanelo

Umuzwa wokuba nesizungu ungabangelwa ukuntuleka komzamo, ukuziphendulela, kanye nokungaguquguquki ebudlelwaneni. Uma uzizwa sengathi umlingani wakho akenzi lutho futhi enze indima yakhe ekukhuliseni uxhumano lwenu, kungaqala ukuzizwa sengathi usebudlelwaneni obunohlangothi olulodwa . Lokho kungaba yinto enganeliseki kakhulu. Okuwukuphela kwendlela yokubhekana nakho ukuyeka ukwenza wonke umsebenzi ongokomzwelo, wesaba ukuthi uma ungenzi igxathu elengeziwe ubudlelwano bakho buzophela, bese ukhuluma nomlingani wakho ngezindlela zokwabelana ngemithwalo yemfanelo.

Futhi, ungakwenzi kube nomthelela ekutheni bafake isandla ebudlelwaneni ngendlela obona kufanele. Kunalokho, banikeze isikhala nenkululeko yokufaka umzamo oza kubo ngokwemvelo. Lapho bekwenzela okuthile okuhle nokucabangelayo, kwazise. Lokhu kukhuthaza isimo lapho nobabili nizizwa nishukumiseleka ukuba nifake umzamo ebudlelwaneni. 

4. Xhuma kabusha ngemisebenzi ehlanganyelwe

UDkt. Sue Johnson, umsunguli we-Emotionally Focused Therapy, uyagcizelela, “Ukwenza izinto ezijabulisayo ndawonye kuvuselela isibopho futhi kukhumbuze bobabili abalingani ngalokho abakuthandayo ngomunye nomunye, kusize ekuvaleni amagebe angokomzwelo.” Uma ulwa nebanga nokunqanyulwa, vumela okokuzilibazisa okwabiwe, izintshisekelo zakho, kanye nemisebenzi kube ibhuloho elikusiza ukuthi nithole indlela yokubuyelana. Kungaba ukulalela umculo kumadrayivu amade, ukuhamba ngezinyawo, ukudlala ithenisi, ukuya emcimbini wokunambitha iwayini, noma ukuthatha iphrojekthi yokuthuthukisa ikhaya, yabelana ngolwazi oluvuselela umuzwa wakho wokubambisana futhi okukuvumela ukuthi udale izinkumbulo ezintsha, ezinhle ndawonye.

5. Sebenzela ukuzenelisa

Uma uvame ukuzithola ukhala ngokuthi, “Ngizizwa ngedwa ebudlelwaneni bami,” kungase futhi kungenxa yokuthi wenze ubuhlobo bakho buyinto eyodwa nje okugxilwe kuyo ekuphileni kwakho kuyilapho umlingani wakho esaphila impilo ekahle. Uma benabangane babo, ukuzibophezela komphakathi, kanye nezinto abazithandayo ukubalethela umuzwa wokwaneliseka kuyilapho wehlise ubukhona bakho emsebenzini wakho nempilo yothando, kungokwemvelo ukuthi uzozizwa uwedwa lapho umlingani wakho engaphandle, enza izinto zakhe. 

Ngokuthakazelisayo, ikhambi lilula—esikhundleni sokugxila kulokho okufanele ukwenze uma uzizwa uwedwa, gxila ekwakheni impilo egculisayo futhi ulinganisele ukuzimela ngokubambisana kothando . Zibandakanye ezintweni ozithandayo, uxhumane nabangani, noma uphishekele imigomo yomuntu siqu. Uma usunelisekile njengomuntu ngamunye, umbono wakho ngawe uyashintsha futhi uqala ukuthembela kancane kancane kwabanye ukuze uthole ukuqinisekiswa.

6. Zijwayeze ukulalela nozwela

Ngenkathi ulwa nomuzwa ongathandeki wesizungu ebudlelwaneni bakho, umlingani wakho kungenzeka ukuthi naye uyasizwa. Uma ubavulela isifuba ngendlela obuzizwa ngayo, ungachithi noma yikuphi ukukhathazeka noma imizwa umlingani wakho abelana ngayo. Noma cabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho uzama ukugwema ukuziphendulela ngokushintsha izinto futhi azenze mayelana nazo. 

Kunalokho, bonisa isithakazelo sangempela emizweni yabo kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho kwabo, futhi uzijwayeze ukulalela ngenkuthalo ukuze uqonde umbono wabo kangcono. UDkt. Harville Hendrix, umbhali wencwadi ethi Getting the Love You Want , uthi, “Ukulalela ngenkuthalo kukhuthaza uzwela futhi kukhuthaza bobabili abalingani ukuba bavulelane imizwa. Lokhu kushintshana kungasiza ekuhlanganiseni abalingani abazizwa bekude ngokomzwelo.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izindlela Ezi-6 Zokuba Nozwela Kakhulu Ebudlelwaneni Ngokusho Kochwepheshe

7. Cabangela ukwelulekwa kwabashadile

Uma uke wazama izindlela ezahlukene futhi izimpawu zokuthi uwedwa ebudlelwaneni zisakubhekile, kungaba kuhle ukucabangela ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe. Khuluma nomlingani wakho mayelana nokuthola usizo lomshado. Kungakunikeza indawo ephephile neqondisiwe ukuze nobabili nikhulumisane ngokukhululekile futhi nixhumane kabusha. Uma ucabanga ukuthola usizo kodwa ungazi ukuthi uzobhekaphi, ochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo abanamakhono nabanolwazi kuphaneli yeBonobology balapha ukukusiza.

Imicabango Final

Izimpawu zokuthi uwedwa ebudlelwaneni ngenkathi ucindezelekile, zingase futhi zinikeze ithuba lokuthi usebenze ekuthuthukiseni ukuxhumana kwakho nomuntu wakho obalulekile. Ngakho-ke, ungakuvumeli kube umthombo wokuzidabukela futhi ugingqike osizini kodwa funa izindlela zokuvala izikhala ezingokomzwelo futhi ukhuthaze ukuqonda okujulile. Khumbula ukuthi ukuzizwa uxhumekile kudinga umzamo ofanayo, ukuxhumana okuvulekile, nokuzimisela ukubhekana nezidingo eziyisisekelo. Uma nje wena nozakwenu nizimisele ukulungisa izinkinga zenu, asikho isizathu sokuthi kungani ningakwazi ukudlula kulesi siqephu esinzima futhi nithole indlela yokuxhuma kabusha. 

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