Kungani Intombi Yami Ingishaya? Uchwepheshe Uhlanganyela Izizathu Ezingenzeka Eziyi-11 Nezindlela Zokubhekana Nazo

“Kungani intombi yami ingishaya?” — Amadoda ayanqikaza ukuvuma le nkinga yomuntu siqu. Ucwaningo luthi, “Ubudlova basekhaya obubhekiswe kumadoda buhlanganisa izinhlobo eziningi zezenzo zobudlova ezifana nokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba, ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo, ukuhlukunyezwa ngokocansi, noma ukuhlukunyezwa ngokwezimali.” Akubikwa kakhulu ngenxa yezinganekwane eziphathelene nabesilisa abasindile. Ngokusho kwe-CDC, indoda eyodwa kwayishumi iye yabhekana nohlobo oluthile lobudlova obuhambisana nabalingani bayo (i-IPV). Abenzi bobubi bangahluka kuye ngobulili.

Uchwepheshe wethu, umqeqeshi wobudlelwano uNandita Rambhia (MSc, Psychology), ogxile kwi-CBT, i-REBT, kanye nokwelulekwa kwabashadile, ukhuluma ngendaba yokuhlukunyezwa kwasekhaya, “Ubudlova obungokomzimba abubi neze. Kungakhathaliseki ubulili, imfundo, noma isimo senhlalo-mnotho, ubudlova kumele buphathwe ngobucayi kanye nentukuthelo efanayo.”

Siyethemba ukuthi ngeke ufinyelele esigabeni esithile phakathi nobudlelwano benu lapho uzithola usubuza, "Ingabe kujwayelekile ukuthi intombi yami ingishaye?" Lesi sihloko sizokutshela mayelana nezimbangela ezingu-11 ezingaba yizimbangela zokuziphatha kobudlova kwentombi yakho futhi sikunikeze amathiphu awusizo okuthi ungasingatha kanjani lesi simo esinzima. Ngokwenza lokhu, sihlose ukuqwashisa ngokuhlukunyezwa kozakwethu, sikhuthaze ukuzwelana, futhi sinikeze izisulu ukuzethemba ukuze zithole ukwesekwa okubafanele.

“Intombi Yami Iyangishaya” — Izizathu Ezingaba ngu-11 Zokuba Uyisisulu Sodlame Lwasekhaya

Udlame lwasekhaya oluningi luhlasela ngamazwi, ngokomzwelo, noma ngokomzimba ngaphandle kokucasulwa. Noma ubani oke wabona ubudlova basekhaya bucekela phansi umkhaya noma ubuhlobo angase afune ukwazi ukuthi kungani othile engenza ngale ndlela kwasekuqaleni.

UNandita uyaphendula, “Ukuhlukumeza kuvame ukukhombisa ukwehluleka kowesifazane ukuveza nokulawula imizwa yakhe ngempumelelo. Akuthetheleli ukuziphatha, kodwa kungakhomba inkinga yokulawula ngokomzwelo nokuxhumana.” Yiziphi-ke izizathu eziyinhloko zokuhlukumeza? Yiziphi izimbangela zobudlova basekhaya ebudlelwaneni obubonakala bujabule? Sizoxoxa kusengaphambili.

Ukuze sinakekelane, kumelwe siqaphele izimpawu eziyisixwayiso zokuhlukunyezwa kwasekhaya emindenini yethu nasezindaweni esihlala kuzo. Futhi uma ubhekene nenkinga ethi “kungani engishaya?” mathupha, ukuqaphela izimpawu zentombi ehlukumezayo kubalulekile enhlalakahleni yakho nasekuphepheni kwakho ebudlelwaneni. Ukwazi lezi zizathu ezingu-11 ezingaba khona zobudlova basekhaya ebudlelwaneni kuzokusiza ukuthi ubhekane nenkinga ngaphambi kokuba ibhebhetheke kakhulu.

1. Ukuntuleka kwamakhono okuxhumana

Abanye besifazane bangase baphendukele ebudloveni lapho behluleka ukuveza imizwa yabo nokukhungatheka ngokuphumelelayo. Kungenzeka ukuthi abazifundanga izindlela zokuxhumana ezinempilo noma bakhulele endaweni lapho ulaka lwalusetshenziswa njengendlela yokuxhumana. Ezimweni ezinjalo, ubudlova basekhaya bungaba indlela yabo yokudlulisa imizwelo yabo noma baveze iphuzu labo lapho bezizwa bengazwakali noma belahliwe.

UNandita uphakamisa ukuthi, “Ukuze kuxazululwe ukuxhashazwa, ukuthuthukisa ukuxhumana kubalulekile. Ukukhetha isikhathi lapho kungekho khona izingxabano kuqinisekisa ukuthi bobabili abantu bayakwazi ukuxhumana ngaphandle kokuzizwa becindezelekile noma bezizwa becindezelekile.”

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Kungani Amadoda Ehlala Emibuthanweni Yokuhlukumeza?

2. Ukuziphatha kwakhe okuhlukumezayo kuvela ezindabeni ezithinta imizwa

“Intombi yami iyahlukumeza, kodwa ngakwazi ukuyishiya ngemva kwezinyanga ezintathu ngibhekene nobuhlungu obungokomzwelo. Yayikhohlisa nsuku zonke. Manje ithi ifuna ngibuye.” — UMerc, uthisha wasePennsylvania, wabelana nathi. Ucwaningo luthi , “Abesifazane abahlukumeza i-IPV bavame ukuzibandakanya ekuziphatheni okuphoqelela nokulawula kakhulu kunokuhlukumeza ngokomzimba.”

Abantu abanezinkinga zemizwa ezingaxazululwanga noma izinhlekelele zangaphambilini bangase babe nobunzima bokuphatha imizwa yabo ngendlela enempilo, okubangela ubudlelwano obuyingozi . Lezi zinkinga ezingaxazululwanga zingabonakala njengentukuthelo enkulu, ukudabuka, noma ukukhathazeka, okungaholela ngezinye izikhathi ekuqhumeni kobudlova njengendlela yokubhekana nezinkinga engaphilile.

3. Unezinkinga zokulawula intukuthelo

Abanye babuza, “Ingabe kuyinto evamile ukuthi intombi yami ingishaye uma ithukuthelele okunye?” Abantu abanezinkinga zokulawula intukuthelo balwela ukulawula intukuthelo yabo lapho bethukuthela. Lokhu kungenzeka uma bezizwa becasukile noma becasukile ngenxa yesimo noma umuntu. Inkinga ingabhebhethekiswa ukungabi nolwazi ngamakhono okubhekana nesimo noma umlando wezingxabano ezingaxazululwanga. Uma intombi yakho inezinkinga zentukuthelo, kufanele ihilele ukuxhumana okuvulekile nokusekelwa okuvela kuzo zombili izinhlangothi, hhayi ubudlova.

4. Ukucindezeleka ngokobudlelwane kungaholela ezindabeni zentukuthelo yakhe

“Kulungile yini ukuthi intombi yami ingishaye uma ngenze iphutha?” CHA. Izingxabano eziqhubekayo kanye nokungezwani kungadala indawo enobutha nengokomzwelo. Ezimweni ezinjalo, imizwa ingakhula ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, okuholela ekukhungathekeni okukhulu kanye nentukuthelo. Izinto ezicindezelayo ezifana nezinkinga zezimali, ukungathembeki, noma ukulindela okuhlukile kungabangela ukuxhashazwa kobudlelwano . Cabanga ngokuya ekwelashweni komuntu ngamunye noma ekwelashweni kombhangqwana kulokhu, esikhundleni sokushaya umlingani wakho.

UNandita uthi, “Ukuze kubhekwane futhi kugwenywe udlame ebudlelwaneni, kubalulekile ukuqonda izinto ezibangela umlingani wakho bese ukhomba izizathu eziyisisekelo zokuhlukunyezwa kwengqondo noma ngokomzimba.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izizathu Eziyi-9 Zokuthi Intombi Yakho Ibe Nonya Kuwe Nezinto Ezi-5 Ongazenza

5. Kungenzeka ukuthi ulingisa ukuziphatha akufunde emndenini

Uma othile ekhulele ekhaya lapho udlame lwenziwa ngokwejwayelekile, enomzali ohlukumezayo, noma abone amalungu omndeni esebenzisa udlame njengendlela yokuxazulula izingxabano, angase akwazi ukuphinda lokho kuziphatha ebudlelwaneni babo. Lokhu ngokuvamile kuwukuziphatha okufundiwe, lapho abantu bebheka ubudlova njengendlela eyamukelekayo noma elindelekile yokubhekana nezinkinga. 

UNandita uphakamisa ukuthi, “Indawo enhle yokuqala ukubhekana nodlame lwasekhaya lwabesilisa ebudlelwaneni ukwenza umlingani wakho aqonde isidingo sokwelashwa ukuze kuxazululwe izinkinga ezijulile. Ngesikhathi sokululama komhlukumezi, bobabili abalingani kumele babe nozwela futhi babambisane ukuze bathole izimbangela, baphishekele ukwelashwa njengoba kudingeka, futhi bakhe amasu okuxazulula izingxabano athuthukisayo.”

6. Umona nokungazethembi sekumphethe

Abaningi bangase bazibuze, “Kulungile yini ukuthi intombi yami ingishaye uma ngidlala nothile?” Impendulo ingucha oqinile; ubudlova abukaze bamukeleke - noma ngabe uyikhohlisa kancane . Imizwa yomona nokungazethembi ingaba yizimbangela ezinamandla ngokomzwelo ebudlelwaneni. Lo muntu angase esabe ukulahlekelwa umlingani wakhe noma akholelwe ukuthi umlingani wakhe akathembekile. Umhlukumezi angase akholelwe ukuthi ukusebenzisa ubudlova kuzovimbela umlingani wakhe ekushiyeni noma ekuphambukeni, yize izenzo ezinjalo zilimaza futhi zingaphumeleli.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Ezi-7 Zokuthi Unomfazi Ohlukumezayo Nezinto Ezi-6 Ongazenza Ngakho

7. Uzabalaza nokusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa

Ukusetshenziswa kabi kwezidakamizwa kuwuphawu olubomvu ngokujwayelekile, njengoba kuhilela ukusetshenziswa ngokweqile kwezidakamizwa noma utshwala, okungaba nomthelela omkhulu ekuziphatheni komuntu nasekuthatheni izinqumo. NgokukaNandita, lapho engaphansi kwethonya lalezi zinto, umuntu angase ahlangabezane:

• Ukwahlulela okukhubazekile
• Ukuvinjelwa okuncishisiwe
• Ukunciphisa ukuzithiba
• Imizwa emibi eqinisiwe, ekhulisa izingxabano

Lokhu kuholela odlameni lwengqondo noma lomzimba njengendlela yokubhekana noma yokusabela ezinsongweni noma ezibangela ukucindezeleka okubonakalayo. Uma uzibuza ukuthi “Kufanele ngenzenjani uma intombi yami ingishaya njalo lapho iphuze utshwala noma izidakamizwa?”, kubalulekile ukuthatha isinyathelo ngokushesha ukuqinisekisa ukuphepha kwakho. UTracy (igama lishintshiwe), umfundi, wasibhalela: “ Intombi yami enobuthi iyangishaya uma idakiwe. Kodwa kwenzeka kanye ngenyanga noma ngaphezulu. Ingabe intombi yami iyahlukumeza noma kufanele ngibe nokuqonda?”

Yebo, Tracy. Umlingani wakho uyahlukumeza. UNandita uyanezela, “Ulaka nokuziphatha okungalawuleki kubonakala kwanda lapho kusetshenziswa kabi izidakamizwa. Izidakamizwa notshwala kuye kwabonakala kwandisa izinkinga ezingokomzwelo ezicashile. Nokho, ukwelapha umlutha kunciphisa ubutha kuyilapho kuthuthukisa impilo engokwengqondo nengokomzimba evamile.”

8. “Kungani intombi yami ingishaya uma ngenza kahle empilweni?” Okwamandla nokulawula

Ingabe uvame ukuhlala wedwa futhi uzibuze, "Intombi yami iyangihlukumeza kusukela ngiziqinise kancane. Kungani ikwenza lokhu?" Udlame lwasekhaya luyiphethini yokuziphatha yangamabomu esetshenziselwa ukusungula igunya, ukuphakama, nokugadwa kozakwethu.

Abanye besifazane abangakwazi ukulawula basebenzisa ubudlova njengendlela yokubonisa amandla nokulawula abalingani babo. Lokhu kuvame ukuba yingxenye yendlela yokuziphatha okuhlukumezayo okuhlose ukugcina ukubusa ebudlelwaneni. Umhlukumezi angasebenzisa amaqhinga ahlukahlukene, njengokusabisa, ukusongela, noma ukuhlukanisa, ukuqinisekisa ukuthi umlingani akabashiyi.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Isiqhwaga Sobudlelwano - Kuyini Futhi Izimpawu Ezi-5 Zokuthi Uyisisulu

9. Ukucasuka okungaxazululiwe kungenzeka kuye kwakhula

Kwezinye izimo, izinkinga zesikhathi esidlule noma intukuthelo engaxazululwanga ebudlelwaneni ingakheka ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, idale indawo enobuthi ngokomzwelo. Uma umuntu ebambelela kule mizwa emibi ngaphandle kokuyixazulula noma ukuyixazulula, angase akhulule ukukhungatheka kwakhe ngobudlova obungokomzimba. Ubudlova obuhambisana nomlingani oseduze busetshenziswa njengendlela yokuveza ubuhlungu, intukuthelo, kanye nentukuthelo yakhe ebudlelwaneni lapho ezizwa engakwazi ukuveza imizwa yakhe ngempumelelo.

UChess, umshwibi wase-LA, uhlanganyela nathi, "Ngelinye ilanga, ngagcina ngiqunge isibindi sokufinyelela umngane wami: 'Ngicela ungahleki ngale nto engizoyisho. Ngizimisele. Intombi yami iyangishaya, ngenzeni? Ngiyazi ukuthi iyangicasukela kodwa ngeke ingitshele isizathu." Ukufinyelela kubantu engibathembayo kubalulekile, yilokho engikufundile osizini lwami Abesilisa babhekana nokucwaswa kakhulu kule ndawo futhi bavame ukugconwa.

10. Ubhekene nezinkinga zempilo yengqondo

Sivame ukuzwa abantu bethi “Impilo yengqondo yentombi yami iyangiphazamisa.” Izinkinga zempilo yengqondo ezicashile zingaba nomthelela ekuziphatheni kobudlova kwabanye abantu. Izimo ezifana ne-Borderline Personality Disorder, i-Antisocial Personality Disorder, I-Impulse Control Disorders, nanoma yiluphi uhlobo lwesifo sengqondo lungaphazamisa ikhono lomuntu lokulawula imizwa yakhe nemibono. Ake sikhulume ngalezi zinkinga:

• I-Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): Abantu abane-BPD bavame ukulwa nokuguquguquka okukhulu kwemizwa, ukuthatheka, nobudlelwano obungazinzile. Uma ehlushwa i-BPD, angase abe nentukuthelo enkulu nokwesaba ukulahlwa, okungaholela ekuqubukeni kobudlova njengendlela yokulawula ukuhlukumezeka kwakhe ngokomzwelo noma ukugcina ubudlelwano.
• I-Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD): Abantu abane-ASPD bangase babonise iphethini yokuziphatha okunolaka futhi ukukhwabanisa ebudlelwaneni. Bangase bangabi nalo uzwela nokuzisola, okwenza kube maningi amathuba okuba bahlanganyele ezenzweni zobudlova ngaphandle kokuba necala noma ukuzisola.
• I-Impulse Control Disorders: Lezi zinkinga, ezifana ne-intermittent explosive disorder (IED), zibonakala ngobunzima bokulawula ama-aggressive disorder. Abantu abanjalo bangase basabele ngobudlova ekucasulelweni okuncane noma ekucindezelekeni, okuwuphawu olukhulu lokuhlukunyezwa kwasekhaya okungenzeka.

Ucwaningo ngobudlova basekhaya obubhekiswe kwabesilisa, olushicilelwe kuyi- National Library of Medicine , luthi amazinga okusabalala kobudlova basekhaya obubhekiswe kwabesilisa asukela ku-3.4% kuya ku-20.3% kanti izici ezifana nokusebenzisa kabi utshwala, umona, ukugula ngengqondo, ukukhubazeka ngokomzimba, kanye nobudlelwano obufushane kuhlotshaniswa nengozi ephezulu yamadoda yokuba yizisulu zobudlova basekhaya.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ingabe Amadoda Anemizwa? Kungani Enobunzima Bokuveza Imizwa?

11. Isiko lakhe lenza udlame lube ngokwejwayelekile

Lesi ngesinye sezimpawu ezibalulekile zentombi ehlukumezayo. Kwamasiko athile noma imiphakathi, ubudlova obungokomzimba bungase bubhekwe njengendlela esemthethweni yokuxazulula izingxabano noma ukugomela ukubusa. Kodwa-ke, lokhu kuvamile kokuhlukumeza kungadala indawo lapho ukuziphatha okunobudlova kungamukelwa kuphela kodwa kulindelwe ezimweni ezithile. Nansi indlela engaba nomthelela ngayo kubantu ngabanye nasebudlelwaneni:

• Ubunzima bokubona ukuhlukumeza: Izisulu zodlame lwasekhaya emasikweni noma emiphakathini lapho udlame lujwayeleke ngaphandle kweminyango evaliwe zingase zibe nobunzima bokubona ukuthi ziyahlukunyezwa. Bangase bathethelele noma balulaze udlame, bangenzi into enkulu ngalo futhi bakholelwe ukuthi kuyisiko. indlela yokuxazulula izingxabano; ngakho ukuhlukunyezwa kuyaqhubeka
• Ukwamukelwa kodlame: Uma udlame olusondelene nozakwethu selujwayelekile, abantu bangakhula bekholelwa ukuthi ukuhlukumeza kuyindlela evamile neyamukelekayo yokusabela ezingxabanweni. Lokhu kwamukelwa kungakwenza kube inselele kubo ukuqaphela ukuthi ukuziphatha okunjalo kuwukuhlukumeza futhi kuyingozi, konakalise impilo yabo yengqondo. Angase abe mancane amathuba okuba bafune usizo noma ukungenelela lapho beyizisulu zodlame. Lokhu kuthatha hit ekuzethembeni kwabo

Ukugqashula emjikelezweni wodlame olujwayelekile ngokuvamile kudinga imfundo, impilo eqinile yengqondo, kanye nokuqwashisa ngezinguquko zobudlelwane. Imiphakathi nezinhlangano ezisebenzela ukuqwashisa ngodlame lwasekhaya zingadlala indima ebalulekile ekusizeni abantu ukuthi babone futhi babhekane nokuziphatha okuhlukumezayo.

Uma usengozini esheshayo, shayela u-9-1-1.

Ngosizo olungaziwa, oluyimfihlo, 24/7, sicela ushayele Inombolo Kazwelonke Yodlame Lwasekhaya kokuthi 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) noma 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

Ingabe Kujwayelekile Ukuba Intombi Yami Ingishaye?

Kusobala ukuthi ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba ebudlelwaneni bothando kuyinto engajwayelekile futhi engamukeleki nhlobo, njengokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo nokuhlukunyezwa kwengqondo. Ukuhloniphana, ukwethembana, uzwela, kanye nokukhulumisana okuvulekile kuyizimfanelo ezichaza ubudlelwano obujabulisayo, obuphephile nobunothando. Awukho ebudlelwaneni ukuze ube yisijeziso somlingani wakho.

Ingcaphuno evela kumagazini i- The British Journal of Criminology isho ngokusobala ukuthi, “Okunye okutholakele ocwaningweni kwembula ukuthi abesifazane banamathuba afanayo namadoda okwenza ubudlova kumlingani oseduze.” Izingxabano nokungavumelani kuyisici esingenakugwenywa sokuxhumana kwabantu ebudlelwaneni obuhle, kodwa hhayi ukuhlukunyezwa noma ubudlova. Ezimweni zobudlova basekhaya, uhlu lokuhlola lokulawula oluphoqelelayo luzoba yindlela enhle yokuthi uchwepheshe ahlole isimo sakho.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Umhlahlandlela Wakho Wokuthi Ungabhekana Kanjani Nomuntu Othukuthele Ebudlelwaneni

Uhlu lokuhlola oluyimpoqo luyithuluzi elisetshenziselwa ukuhlola nokukhomba amaphethini okuziphatha okuhlukumezayo ebuhlotsheni. Nakhu okuhlanganisayo:

• Ingabe uhlukaniswa nabangane nomndeni wakho?
• Ingabe unomuzwa wokuthi umlingani wakho unokugada njalo emisebenzini yakho?
• Ingabe umlingani wakho unokulawula kwezezimali kuwe?
• Ingabe bayakwenza ukukuphatha ngokomzwelo?
• Bake bakushaya? Uma kunjalo, ingabe bakwenza uzizwe sengathi kuyiphutha lakho?

Ngokusebenzisa lolu hlu, ochwepheshe kanye nabantu ngabanye bangabona kangcono futhi babhekane nezimo zokulawula ngempoqo, bathuthukise ubudlelwano obunempilo nobuphephile. Akekho okufanele abekezelele ukuxhashazwa, futhi ukufuna ukusekelwa nosizo akukona ukubonakaliswa kobuthakathaka; kunalokho, kuyisinyathelo sesibindi sokuqeda umjikelezo olimazayo.

Okufanele Ukwenze Uma Intombi Yakho Ikushaya — Izindlela Eziyisi-7 Zokuzivikela

Khumbula, ukushaya ngokudlala kuhlukile kunobudlova. Ungase ubuze, “Ingabe kuyinto evamile ukuba intombi yami ingishaye ehlombe ngothando?” Sitshele lokhu. Ingabe kuyakulimaza? Ingabe kukwenza ungakhululeki? Ingabe uyaqhubeka noma ungekho esimweni sokugconwa? Uma kungenjalo, kusho ukuthi usebudlelwaneni obunempilo. Kodwa uma uzithola usesimweni lapho intombi yakho ikulimaza ngokomzimba, kubalulekile ukubeka phambili ukuphepha kwakho nokuphila kahle kwakho. Ukubhekana nentombi enolaka kudinga ukuthatha izinyathelo zokuvikela inhlalakahle yakho nokufuna usizo.

UNandita uthi, “Ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe kubalulekile lapho intombi iqala ukukuphatha kabi kabi emzini wakho. Ochwepheshe banolwazi lokuhlolisisa izici ezingokwengqondo, zokuziphatha, nezingokomzwelo ezibangela ubudlova. Ukuze babhekane ngokuphumelelayo nalezi zinselele, banganikeza isiqondiso, izindlela, nezindlela zokwelapha.” 

Nakuba ukuqeda ubudlelwano obuhlukumezayo kungaba nzima, kuyisinyathelo esinesibindi sokuqinisekisa impilo yakho nokubuyisela ukulawula impilo yakho. Nazi izinyathelo eziyisikhombisa zokuzivikela ekuhlukunyezweni ngokomzimba:

1. Zikhiphe engozini esheshayo

“Intombi yami yangishaya ngempama kabili ngesonto. Ngaba ndikindiki. Ngangilokhu ngicabanga ngezizathu ezenza intombi yami ingithukuthelele esikhundleni sokuyibiza ngokuziphatha kwayo okuhlukumezayo,” kusho uPete (igama elishintshiwe), umfundi waseNew Jersey. Uma lokhu kwenzeka kuwe, beka phambili ukuphepha kwakho ngokomzimba. 

Uma kungenzeka, shiya indawo eseduze ukuze ugweme ukulimala okwengeziwe. Gcina uhlelo lokubaleka lulungile uma nisebudlelwaneni basekhaya . Yiya endaweni yomphakathi noma endlini yomngane noma yelungu lomndeni uma kungenzeka. Zama ukuhlala uzolile futhi uxoxe ngezimo ezimbi kakhulu nomuntu omthandayo ukuze uzisuse ekhanda lakho.

2. Biza iziphathimandla

"Intombi yami iyangihlula" akuyona into esiyizwa njalo, futhi ukucwaswa komphakathi kudlala indima enkulu lapha. Xhumana neziphathimandla noma abezimo eziphuthumayo uma usengozini esheshayo noma ulimele. Abomthetho bangakwazi futhi kufanele baqinisekise ukuphepha kwakho futhi bakunikeze isivikelo esisemthethweni ngaphandle kokungakholelwa kuwe. 

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Ukusho Izinto Ezilimazayo Ebudlelwaneni Okukuthinta Ngayo

3. Funa usizo lwezokwelapha

Ukuxazulula le nkinga yobudlelwano ngokushesha kubaluleke kakhulu kuwe. Uma ulimele, funa usizo lwezokwelapha ngokushesha. Kubalulekile ukubhala phansi noma yikuphi ukulimala, njengoba lokhu kungabaluleka uma unquma ukubandakanya uhlelo lwezomthetho. Ikakhulukazi uma ucabanga ukuthi umlingani wakho angaphinde aqhubekisele phambili ubudlova.

4. Khuluma nomuntu omethembayo

Ucwaningo oluvela ku- International Journal of Environment, Ecology, Family and Urban Studies (IJEEFUS) luxoxe ngokuthi amadoda akuthola kunzima kakhulu ukuphuma ekuhluphekeni kobudlova ngenxa yokungakholwa kanye nokusabela okungavamile okuvela kubangani babo nemindeni yabo. Yingakho singenakugcizelela ngokweqile ukubaluleka kokufuna usizo.

Xhumana nomngane omethembayo, ilungu lomndeni, noma umeluleki ongakunikeza ukuqinisekiswa ngokomzwelo , ukwesekwa, kanye nesiqondiso. Yabelana ngolwazi lwakho nomuntu ongakusiza kulesi sikhathi esinzima. Sithemba ukuthi, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uzoshintsha usuke ku-“Kungani intombi yami ingishaya?” uye ku-“Ngidinga ukuphuma kulobu budlelwano.”

5. Cabangela umyalelo wokuvinjelwa

Akukho okuhle okungavela ngokuhlala nomuntu okushayile. Uma wesabela ukuphepha kwakho futhi udinga ukuvikelwa ngokomthetho, thintana nommeli mayelana nokuthola incwadi yesivimbelo noma incwadi yokuvikela intombi yakho. Lokhu kungamvimbela ngokomthetho ukuthi asondele kuwe noma endaweni ohlala kuyo noma emsebenzini.

6. Bhala phansi ukuhlukumeza

Umbuzo ovamile: “Intombi yami iyangihlukumeza, yini okufanele ngiyenze ukuze ngifakazele lokho?” Gcina irekhodi lanoma yiziphi izehlakalo zokuxhashazwa ngokomzimba, okuhlanganisa izithombe, amavidiyo, izinsuku, izikhathi, izindawo, kanye nezincazelo zalokho okwenzekile. Lo mbhalo ungabaluleka kakhulu uma unquma ukubandakanya abomthetho noma ukufuna umyalelo wokuvinjelwa.

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Umkami Ohlukumezayo Ungishaya Njalo Kodwa Ngabaleka Ekhaya Ngathola Impilo Entsha

7. Funa usizo lochwepheshe

Xhumana nodokotela wezokwelapha ogxile odlameni lwasekhaya noma ezindabeni zobudlelwano. Uma ubulokhu ucabanga ukuthi, “Kungani intombi yami ingishaya?”, khona-ke ukufuna isiqondiso esinjalo kungakusiza ukuthi ubhekane nemibuzo eminingi ekhanda lakho. Ukuze wazi nje, abeluleki abanamakhono nabanamalayisense kuphaneli yeBonobolog y bahlala bekulungele.

UNandita uthi, "Ngenxa yokuthi abeluleki bagcina imfihlo eqinile, ukufuna ukwelulekwa ezimweni zobudlova basekhaya kungakha indawo ephephile. Iziyalezo ezivimbelayo, ukuxhumana neziphathimandla zomthetho ukuze kuvikelwe ukuphepha ngokushesha, noma ukucela usizo ezindaweni zokukhosela zodlame lwasekhaya kanye nezinhlangano ezisekelanayo kuyizibonelo ezimbalwa zezinyathelo zomthetho ezingathathwa."

Isenzo sodlame phakathi kobudlelwano bothando siyindaba ejulile edinga ukunakwa kanye nesenzo. Nakuba kubalulekile ukuqonda ezinye zezizathu ezingase zibe nodlame lwasekhaya, kubalulekile ngokufanayo ukugcizelela ukuthi azikho izizathu ezizwakalayo zokuhlukumeza. 

Ukuqaphela ukuthi uyisisulu sobudlova basekhaya kuyisinyathelo sokuqala sokufuna usizo nokuthatha isinyathelo sokuzivikela. Kubalulekile ukufinyelela ochwepheshe, amanethiwekhi osekelo, nezinhlangano ezizinikele ekusizeni abantu ababhekene nodlame lwasekhaya. Kubalulekile ngokufanayo ukuthi umphakathi uwonke uqwashise ngodlame lwasekhaya, uphonsele inselelo imibono yabantu yobulili eyingozi, futhi ukhuthaze ubudlelwano obunempilo. Khumbula ukuthi awuwedwa, futhi kunezinsiza ezitholakalayo zokukusiza ukuthi ubhekane nalesi simo esiyinselele.  

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Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.

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