Ingabe Ama-Narcissists Ayakwazi Uthando?

Ingabe ama-narcissists ayakwazi ukuthanda? Lona umbuzo onzima ezingqondweni zabantu abaningi abaye babekezelela amaphethini othando lwe-narcissistic of idealization, ukwehla, ukulahla, kanye nokukhuphuka phezulu. Uma nawe ulwa nayo yazi ukuthi awuwedwa.

Siyaqonda ukuthi bungakhalisa kanjani imizwa futhi bube nesiyaluyalu ubudlelwano ne-narcissist. Futhi kungakushiya uqiniseka ukuthi umuntu oqhubekisela phambili zonke lezi zinxushunxushu empilweni yakho ngeke akwazi ukuthanda. Kodwa-ke, empeleni, i-narcissist ingakwazi ukuthanda othile kodwa imizwa yakhe idlula futhi ikha phezulu kakhulu.

Kusho ukuthini ukuthi “ukudlula kwesikhathi nokungasho lutho”? Kuhumusha kanjani ekuziphatheni kwabo ebudlelwaneni? Ukuze sikusize uthole izimpendulo, ake sibheke ngokujulile ubunzima bomuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza othandweni ngokubonisana nodokotela wezifo zengqondo oseCalifornia kanye nochwepheshe wezifo zengqondo uDkt. Shefali Batra (MD kwezokwelapha ngengqondo), ogxile ekwelulekeni ngokwehlukana nesehlukaniso, ukuhlukana nokuthandana, kanye nezinkinga zokuhambisana ngaphambi komshado. Kodwa okokuqala, ake siqiniseke ukuthi uyaqonda ukuthi ungubani ngempela umuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza.

Ubani I-Narcissist?

Igama elithi narcissist livame ukujikijelwa nxazonke ukuze lichaze noma ubani onesidingo esikhulu sokutuswa nokunakwa, kanye nesimo sengqondo sokuzicabangela yena yedwa. Kodwa-ke, akuwona wonke umuntu ojabulela okungaphezu komthamo onempilo wokuzithanda ongumuntu oyi-narcissist.

Omunye umbono oyiphutha ovamile ukuthi ukukhombisa ukuziphatha kwe-narcissistic kuyafana nokuba ne-narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Nokho, lokho kukude neqiniso futhi. I-Narcissism ikhona ku-spectrum futhi abantu kuphela ekupheleni kwalesi spectrum ababhekwa njengabanenkinga yobuntu be-narcissistic.

Ngokusho kwe -Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, uhlelo lwesi-5 (DSM-5) , umuntu angatholakala ene-NDP uma ebonisa izici ezinhlanu noma ngaphezulu kwezilandelayo:

• Umuzwa okhuphukile wokuzibona ubalulekile
• Ukuboniswa kobukhulu
• Izimo zengqondo nokuziphatha okuzikhukhumezayo
• Umona kwabanye
• Ukungabi nozwela
• Ukuxhaphaza abanye ukuze kuzuze wena
• Ukuba matasa ngemicabango mayelana namandla angenamkhawulo, ubuhlakani, ubuhle, noma impumelelo
• Isidingo esidlulele sokutuswa
• Umuzwa welungelo

UDkt. Batra uthi, “I-Narcissism ibonakala ngokuntula ukuzethemba, ukuzehlisa, nomuzwa ongaphelele wokuzazi ophumela enqubweni yokucabanga engasebenzi kahle, evezwa ngaphandle njengokuzicabangela wena, ukungabi naluzwela nokufuna ukunakwa.”

Lo mehluko ubalulekile ngoba ngokocwaningo olugxile e-US , abantu abadala abangu-0.5%-5% kuphela abane-NPD. Uma umuntu enemikhuba embalwa yokuzikhukhumeza, angase akwazi ukuzwa nokuveza uthando ngendlela efanayo nanoma yimuphi omunye umuntu. Futhi uma unomuntu onjalo, ubungeke ubuze, “Ingabe umuntu ozikhukhumezayo uyakwazi ukuthanda?”

Impela, kungase kube nezinselelo ezithile zobudlelwano endleleni. “Nokho, lezi zici kubantu abaphansi ekugcineni kwe-narcissism spectrum zithambile kakhulu ukuba zingathinta ikhono labo lokuthanda omunye umuntu.” Ngakolunye uhlangothi, izici ze-NPD zikhinyabeza ikhono lomuntu lokuthanda omunye, okungenani ngendlela abantu abaningi abaluqonda ngayo uthando,” kunezela uDkt.

Manje njengoba sesikususile lokho, asikusize uphendule eminye imibuzo embalwa ezokusiza uqondise isimo sakho kangcono: Ingabe ama-narcisists ayakwazi ukuthanda? I-narcissist ilubonisa kanjani uthando?

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Ungazi Kanjani Uma I-Narcissist Ikuthanda

I-Narcissism nothando akuvamile ukuthi kuhambisane kahle. Impela, i-narcissist, ebukekayo futhi enomusa njengoba injalo, ingakushanela isuke ezinyaweni zakho ngezenzo zayo ezinhle nemibukiso yothando. Kuleso sigaba, imibuzo enjengokuthi ngabe i-narcissists inothando noma kanjani i-narcissist ikhombisa uthando ibingeke ingene emqondweni wakho ngoba umuntu ophambi kwakho uzizwa ephelele futhi elungile.

Kodwa-ke, njengoba amaphethini othando oluthanda ukuzikhukhumeza ehamba, lesi sigaba - esaziwa ngokuthi i-idealization futhi esibonakala ngokuqhumisa uthando - sivame ukuba sesikhashana futhi sithengiselana (kuncike ekutheni kufeza kahle kangakanani futhi isikhathi esingakanani isidingo sabo sokuzikhukhumeza). Ngenxa yalokhu, balwela ukugcina ukuxhumana okunempilo empilweni yabo noma imizwa yangempela ngomunye umuntu.

Iphuzu liwukuthi, akuvamile ukubona i-narcissist ithandana unomphela. Ngakho-ke, uma uzibuza ukuthi ungazi kanjani ukuthi i-narcissist iyakuthanda, zibuze:

• Ingabe bayacabangela izidingo nemizwa yakho?
• Ingabe bakuphatha ngenhlonipho?
• Ingabe banesibopho ngezenzo zabo?
• Ingabe bangakwazisa?
• Ingabe bayayihlonipha imingcele yakho ebuhlotsheni?
• Ingabe bayayazisa imibono nemizwelo yakho?
• Futhi okubaluleke kakhulu, ingabe bayakwazi ukubeka izidingo zakho kuqala ngisho nasezimweni abame kuzo ukuze bazuze lutho?

Uma uphendule le mibuzo ngendlela evumayo, unomuntu othanda i-narcissist othandana nawe. Nokho, uDkt. Batra uyaxwayisa: “Amathuba okuba lokho kwenzeke mancane kakhulu ezimweni eziningi ngenxa yokuthi umuntu odla izidakamizwa akakwazi ukuthanda ngaphandle kwalapho ezimisele ukusebenzela ukulungisa indlela aziphatha ngayo nendlela acabanga ngayo.

Ngokuvamile, umuntu othanda ukuzicabangela ngokweqile angathanda ukusebenzisa ukusola abanye, ukukhanyiswa ngegesi , kanye namanye amaqhinga okuphatha abanye kunokuba enze umsebenzi wangaphakathi ukuze ahlukane namaphethini akhe.

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Ingabe Ama-Narcissists Ayakwazi Uthando?

Ingabe abantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza bayakwazi ukuthanda? Lona kungaba umbuzo onzima ukuwuphendula ngoba uthando oluthanda ukuzikhukhumeza luvame ukuba lolwabo, njengazo zonke ezinye izici zokuphila kwabo, futhi luqhelelene kakhulu nemibono yokuxhumana okunenjongo kanye nobudlelwano obuhle abanye ababuhlanganisa nothando.

UDkt. Batra uyachaza, “Inkinga mayelana namanarcisists akwazi ukuthanda isukela eqinisweni lokuthi indebe yabo yothando yokunikela isivele igcwele. Bazithanda bona kuphela. Ukuntuleka kothando ezinsukwini zangaphambili zokuphila, ikakhulukazi kubanakekeli [abazali] kubenza kube nzima ukuphila kwabo konke ukuze bazizwe futhi bamukeleke. Basebenza endaweni yokuntula.

"Uma ukubheka ngombono wokuziphendukela kwemvelo, uthando lwabo lufanelekile ngoba abakaze baluthole kunoma ubani. Kodwa ezweni langempela, akunangqondo, akwamukeleki, futhi akusebenzanga kahle. Ngakho-ke baphendukela kulabo ababanakekelayo - yingakho abantu abathandana nabo kanye nabantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza bevame ukukhangana - kodwa ubuhlobo buwukuthengiselana kuphela hhayi uthando lwangempela olubona kwenye indawo."

"Bazophinde banakekele futhi banake kodwa lapho nje le nto ethandekayo ibaphikisa noma ingaphakeli ubugovu babo, bayobenqaba ngokuphelele futhi bazizwe bedabukile ngaphakathi." Ngakho-ke, ukuze uphendule umbuzo wakho - ingabe umuntu onama-narcissistic uyakwazi ukuthanda? - hhayi ngomqondo wangempela wegama. UDkt. Batra ubala izizathu zokuthi kungani i-narcissist ingakwazi ukuthanda omunye umuntu ngokugcwele nangenhliziyo yonke:

• Abanandaba noma bazizwa besondelene nanoma ubani ngoba ubuchopho babo abuhloselwe ukwenza kanjalo
• Abakwazi ukubheka ngale kwezidingo zabo
• Banomqondo wemvelo onamandla wokuzivikela kangangokuthi ukuqapha kwabo ngokweqile kanye nokusabela ngokomzwelo ekunqatshelweni kwabo kubenza babe namawala.
• Amamodeli angaphakathi angavikelekile abenza bazibone bengafanelekile noma abangafuneki
• I-Pathologically ayikhululekile ezimeni lapho ingekho isizinda sokunakwa

Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokuphuma Ebudlelwaneni Obungenempilo: Umhlahlandlela Wesinyathelo Ngesinyathelo

“Uma kunomuntu othanda insangu othandana nawe, noma okungenani ethi uyikho, ukuze ahlole ubuqiniso bemizwa yakhe, udinga ukubheka ngalé kwamazwi akhe—abanendlela nawo—futhi ubone indlela akuphatha ngayo.

Ekugcineni, kugxila eqinisweni lokuthi i-narcissist angakwazi ukuthanda omunye umuntu kodwa ngeke kuze kube uthando olunempilo, olungenamibandela ongalulindela ebudlelwaneni obuseduze. Abakwazi ukuthanda umuntu ngokweqiniso.

Ingabe i-narcissist icabanga ukuthi uthando luyini?

Njengoba sishilo, i-narcissist ingakwazi ukuthanda ngokobuchwepheshe kodwa umqondo wabo wokuthi uthando luzizwa kanjani ungagwenywa. UDkt. Batra uthi, “Uthando lwe-Narcissistic alunawo umbono wokubuyiselana. Kumuntu okhuluma ngama-narcissist, uthando luyindlela yokufuna ukuqinisekiswa kwangaphandle ukuze akhulise ukuzethemba kwawo futhi azizwe engcono ngaye.

Uma uzibuza ukuthi, “Ingabe i-narcissist ithanda?”, yazi ukuthi lokho abakubona njengothando kuhambisana namaphethini abo agcwele esidingo sokunakwa, ukuzibona ubalulekile, nokutuswa. Uthando lwe-narcissist, ekugcineni, lufikela ku:

• Umuzwa welungelo obenza babe nomuzwa wokuthi bayabakweleta uthando
• Isidingo sokutuswa okungenamibandela kozakwethu
• Imibukiso emihle yothando kanye nokubonakaliswa kothando olungapheli ngaphandle kokuxhumana okunenjongo
• Umuzwa ojabulisayo wenjabulo obenza bazizwe bejabule ngabo

Lokhu kuphumela ekubopheni okungabonakali okuvame ukuvula indlela yokuguquguquka okunohlangothi olulodwa nolunobuthi njengoba ubudlelwano buqhubeka.

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I-narcissist ilubonisa kanjani uthando?

Ingabe ama-narcisists anothando? Yebo, i-narcissist ingaba nothando olukhulu, ithandeke, ikhiphe izikhali, futhi ibe nothando, ikakhulukazi ekuqaleni kothando. Kodwa ingabe umuntu onama-narcissistic uyakwazi ukuthanda? Ngicabanga ukuthi, okwamanje, uyazi ukuthi impendulo yalowo mbuzo ingucha ocacile, ophikisayo - okungenani, inqobo nje uma ubheka ukuqonda kwabo nokubonisa uthando ngokombono wokuthi uthando lubukeka kanjani ebudlelwaneni obunempilo.

Kubalulekile ukuqaphela lokhu kuhlobana phakathi kwe-narcissism nothando ukuze ungakhukhulwa yindlela umdwebi abonisa ngayo uthando. NgokukaDkt. Batra, lokhu kuhlanganisa:

• Ukuba matasa ngesidingo sokukhonzwa nokunconywa ngabalingani babo bothando
• Ukukhohlisa kwezothando ngemiboniso emikhulu yothando
• Ukuqhunyiswa ngamabhomu kwabalingani babo
• Ebashanela ngezipho nangezincomo
• Hlala ukhuluma izinto ezifanele ngesikhathi esifanele ukuze uhehe futhi ususe izikhali

Lokhu kuphumela ebudlelwaneni obunamandla ngokomzwelo okungaba nzima ukuqhubeka, okuholela ezinkingeni ezinkulu nezimbi. Ucwaningo olushicilelwe kuyi-Journal of Personality and Social Psychology lubonisa ukuthi yingakho abantu abathanda ukuzikhukhumeza behluleka ebudlelwaneni besikhathi eside , obuzibophezele kodwa bangase baphumelele ekuqomeni kwesikhashana.

Okufanele Ukwenze Uma Uthandana Nomuntu Osebenzisa Narcissist

Ukuphila nomuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza nokujabula kufana nokuzama ukugcwalisa ibhakede ngembobo enkulu phansi. Uma uthandana nomuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza, ukuzigcina kufanele kube yinto eza kuqala kuwe futhi lokho kuqala ngokuqonda ukuthi uthando lwangempela alulona oluzisebenzelayo, oluxhaphazayo, olunomona, noma oluqhoshayo. Kodwa uma usebudlelwaneni nomuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza, yilokho okuthola egameni lothando. Kugcwele ubuthi, idrama, kanye nosizi. Ngoba uma umuntu othanda ukuzikhukhumeza azi ukuthi uyamthanda, yingakho ekhipha lonke uhlobo lwemikhuba yakhe enobuthi kuwe.

Ungase uzithole ususeduze kokukhanyiswa kwegesi, ukuthanda ukuqhunyiswa kwamabhomu, ukukhohlisa, ngisho nokuhlukunyezwa. Uma izinto sezifinyelele izinga lokuhlukumeza, udinga ukuthola usizo.

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Kodwa-ke, uma uke wabona ukuthambekela kokunganaki komlingani wakho kusenesikhathi, kunezindlela zokuzulazula ebudlelwaneni futhi unciphise ukulimala okungokomzwelo okungase kukubangele. Nakuba kungase kungabi ngokoqobo ukulindela ukuthi ungahlala nomuntu ophuza utshwala futhi ujabule, lezi zinyathelo ezilandelayo zingakusiza ukuthi uzivikele:

• Misa imingcele: Kubalulekile ukusungula nokuphoqelela imingcele yobudlelwano obunempilo uma usothandweni nomuntu obhedayo. Uma kwenziwa kusenesikhathi, lokhu kungasiza kakhulu ekukugcineni uphephile ekuhlukunyezweni kwe-narcissistic
• Zijwayeze ukuzinakekela: Ungazilahleki ebudlelwaneni. Isidingo somlingani wakho sokunconywa, ukunakwa, nokukhonzwa siwumgodi ongenamkhawulo. Udinga ukusetha kabusha ngezikhathi ezithile, ubuyekeze kabusha izinto eziza kuqala kuwe, futhi ugxile kuwena kabusha
• Zifundise: Ulwazi nokuqwashisa ngalokho obhekene nakho kuyindlela engcono kakhulu yokulwa nakho ngempumelelo. Funda okuningi ngangokunokwenzeka mayelana ne-narcissistic personality disorder kanye nemiphumela yako ebuhlotsheni. Lokhu kuzokuhlomisela ukuthi ubhekane nezinkinga zobudlelwano njengoba zivela
• Funa ukwelulekwa: Ubuhlungu obungokomzwelo nokuhlukumezeka kokuba sothandweni nomuntu obhemayo kungaba kukhulu. Ukwelashwa kunikeza indawo ephephile yokuthi uhlole imizwa eminingi edidayo okungenzeka ukuthi ulwa nayo futhi uyicubungule. Inqubo ingaba wusizo kakhulu ekusizeni ekuboneni izinto ezikubangelayo, ekuthuthukiseni amakhono okubhekana nazo, nasekutholeni ukuthi yini ozifunela yona.
• Khuthaza umlingani wakho ukuthi athole usizo: I-NPD isifo esibucayi sempilo yengqondo esidinga ukwelashwa okufanele nosizo. Kodwa-ke abantu abahlukunyezwa yilo bavamisile ukuthi bangayingeni eyokufuna usizo ngoba bengakakulungeli ukwamukela ukuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle ngabo. Nakuba ungeke wenze umlingani wakho athole usizo aludingayo, kungaba usizo ukumkhuthaza ukuthi alufune ngokuwenza ube ojwayelekile lo mbono kuye.

Sekukonke, i-narcissism nothando akuhlangani kahle. Uma uze lapha ngethemba lempendulo ehlukile kokuthi “Ingabe ama-narcissists ayakwazi ukuthanda”, siyaxolisa ngokukuphoxa. Kodwa ukuvula amehlo akho ukuze ubone ubuqiniso besimo kubaluleke kakhulu ukuze ukwazi ukubhekana naso ngendlela ongakwazi ngayo. Futhi yilokho esikuzele lapha. Ukukusiza ukuthi uthole izimpendulo kanye nendlela eya phambili ngisho nasezimweni ezimbi kakhulu ekuphileni.

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Ukuveza I-Narcissist - Okufanele Ukwazi

Yiziphi Izibonelo Zokuziphatha Kwe-Narcissistic Ebudlelwaneni?

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