Kusukela nini umshado wakhe usufana nempushana elindele ukuqhuma? URita wayengakhumbuli. Kodwa kwakubonakala sengathi iminyaka kusukela yena nomyeni wakhe babe nengxoxo enokuthula noma behleka. Eqinisweni, ingxoxo yayilinganiselwe, njengoba bobabili abalingani besaba ukuthi amazwi ayezoholela ekuxabaneni. Kodwa ngokuqinisekile bekufanele kube nezindlela ezingcono zokulawula intukuthelo ebuhlotsheni kunokuthula, akunjalo?
Ukulawula intukuthelo ebudlelwaneni kufana nokuhamba ngezinyawo. Intukuthelo ngokwayo ifana nenkemba esika nhlangothi zombili. Uma ingacutshungulwa ngendlela efanele, intukuthelo ingaholela ekuhlukunyezweni ngamazwi, ngokomzwelo, ngisho nokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma intukuthelo iboniswa ngendlela efanele futhi ukungqubuzana kulawulwa ngendlela enempilo, intukuthelo ingasondeza umbhangqwana futhi iqinise ubuhlobo.
Ngakho-ke, umuntu uyidlulisela kanjani kahle imizwa yakhe lapho ethukuthele? Yiziphi izizathu zentukuthelo ebudlelwaneni, futhi zikhomba izinkinga ezinkulu eziwumsuka? Masiphendule yonke imibuzo yakho evuthayo, ukuze uqonde kangcono ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nentukuthelo evuthayo ebuhlotsheni.
Izimbangela ezi-5 Zokuthukuthela Ebudlelwaneni
Okuqukethwe
Ucwaningo lwango -2018 olwanyatheliswa kuyi-Journal of Research in Personality luchaza “intukuthelo eqhubekayo phakathi kwabantu abathandanayo”. Luchaza ukuthi ukuphathwa kabi ngumlingani wakho wothando kuvusa kanjani intukuthelo, futhi lokho kungakhuthaza ukuphindaphinda kokuphathwa kabi okuholela emjikelezweni wokuziphatha okubi kanye nentukuthelo. Ukuze kuphulwe lo mjikelezo, okungenani umlingani oyedwa kufanele enze ngokuhlakanipha futhi enqabe ukuhlanganyela ekuziphatheni okubi.
Ngokusho kochwepheshe, intukuthelo eningi idalwa emshadweni kunanoma yimuphi omunye ubudlelwano. Ukungezwani kungase kuvele emshadweni noma ebuhlotsheni bokuhlala ndawonye ngenxa nje yokusondelana njalo, ikakhulukazi kulezi zinsuku zomsebenzi ekhaya. Akekho ophelele. Ukungafani kokulindela ebuhlotsheni besikhathi eside nakho kungaholela ezinkingeni zentukuthelo.
Nokho, kungase kube nezimbangela ezithile zentukuthelo nasebudlelwaneni bombhangqwana. Izimbangela zingaba ngaphakathi noma ngaphandle. “Afuna ngikwenze nje ukungithethisa ngokuthi angiyena umuntu ongcolile,” kusho uJosephine, ekhuluma ngengxabano eqhubekayo emshadweni wakhe ehambisana nezitsha ezingcolile kanye nempahla evuliwe.
“Uyacasuka, futhi kumlahlekele.Nakanjani unezinkinga zentukuthelo, njengoba ingxoxo eyodwa iphenduka isigidi futhi ngaphambi kokuba sazi, silwa ngaleso sikhathi angizange ngibe nohlangothi lwakhe lapho abangane bakhe bephawula ngezingubo zakhe.
Ukulawula intukuthelo yakho ngokushesha akuyona into ezwakalayo emhlabeni. Esikhundleni salokho, kufanele usebenze ngokuzungezile, ukhulume ngemizwa yakho futhi uthole ukuthi yini okufanele uyenze. Ukuze kulawulwe ngempumelelo intukuthelo ebuhlotsheni, kubalulekile ukuthi bobabili ozakwethu bavume izizathu ezibangela lokho. Nazi ezinye izimbangela zangaphakathi ezivamile zentukuthelo ebudlelwaneni:
1. Isizathu esikhulu sokuthukuthela ebudlelwaneni: Ukukopela
Ukuthandana kungabangela intukuthelo enkulu kumlingani okhohlisiwe. Ngisho noma umbhangqwana ukwazile ukuxazulula inkinga futhi uhlale ndawonye, kungase kube nokulahlekelwa ukwethembana okuqhubekayo kanye nentukuthelo eseleyo. Uhlala uzibuza ukuthi kufanele umthethelele umlingani okhohlisiwe noma cha, okungaholela ekuthukutheleni okukhulu.
UMaya noDev babeneminyaka emihlanu beshadile. Lapho u-Dev ethola ukuthi uMaya wayethandana, waphatheka kabi. Nakuba umbhangqwana wanquma ukunikeza umshado wabo ithuba, u-Dev akakwazanga ukuthethelela noma ukukhohlwa ngempela. Lokhu kwaholela ekuthukutheleni njalo ezintweni ezincane.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Lapho Umfazi Ethola Imali Eningi Kunomyeni
I-2. Imali
Uma nje umlingani oyedwa ebusa zonke izinqumo ezihlobene nemali, kungase kubangele ukungqubuzana okukhulu namagqubu. Ngokuvamile, umlingani ohola kakhulu futhi onikela kakhulu emalini yasendlini nguyena owenza izinqumo. Lokhu akulungile ngempela.
Isibonelo, abanikazi bezindlu bangase bangabi nazwi eliningi kulokho imali esetshenziswa kukho. Kodwa-ke, njengoba lokho kuyisizathu esikhulu sentukuthelo ebudlelwaneni, imibhangqwana kufanele isebenzise indlela elinganayo yokwenza izinqumo eyenza bobabili abalingani bazizwe behlonishwa futhi behlonishwa.
3. Izinkinga zocansi
Uma umbhangqwana ungakwazi ukuxoxa ngezinkinga zawo zocansi ngokukhululeka futhi ufune isixazululo, kungaba umthombo wentukuthelo ekhulayo. UNaomi wayenesifiso esikhulu sobulili uma kuqhathaniswa noDavid, umyeni wakhe, owayengumuntu othanda ukusebenza ngokweqile. Ngokuvamile, umyeni wakhe wayekhathele kakhulu noma ematasa kakhulu ukuba abe nesithakazelo sobulili. Lokhu kwashiya uNaomi enganelisekile futhi engajabule. Okwamthukuthelisa kakhulu ukuthi wayesekhulume ngale ndaba izikhathi eziningana kodwa umyeni wakhe wazama ukunciphisa inkinga.
4. Ukuntula inhlonipho nokuqonda
Lapho omunye umlingani egcona noma edelela omunye, kubonisa ukuntula inhlonipho. Kwesinye isikhathi kuba khona ukungalingani kwamandla ebudlelwaneni. Uzakwethu okhonyayo angase abonise ukungahloniphi kanye nentukuthelo kaningi. Kodwa lokhu akusho ukuthi umlingani ozithobayo akazizwa. I-quotient ephansi yemizwa kumlingani oyedwa ingase ishiye omunye ezizwa engaqondakali kahle.
Ezinye izici zangaphakathi ukungezwani kwezombangazwe noma ezingokwenkolo, ukwabiwa ngokungafanele kwemisebenzi yasekhaya nemithwalo yemfanelo yokunakekela izingane, izinkinga zasekhweni, nokungavumelani ngendlela yokukhulisa izingane. Izizathu zokucasuka ebudlelwaneni zingaba ziningi, okubalulekile ukuthi zonke zikhomba ukungamhloniphi umuntu.
5. Izimbangela zangaphandle
Ukukhungatheka komsebenzi kuyimbangela evamile yangaphandle. UHelen wazizwa engathandwa umphathi wakhe. Naye wazizwa exhashazwa ngoba wayehlale ebonakala engumuntu wokugcina ukuphuma ehhovisi. Lokhu akuzange nje kumkhathaze futhi kumcindezele kodwa umuzwa wokungabi nabulungisa wawumcasula kakhulu nasekhaya. Uma ethola isiphithiphithi ekhaya lapho ebuya emsebenzini, wayevele athukuthele agane unwabu.
Ukungazihloniphi noma ukuba ngumuntu othanda ukulawula izinto kungaholela ezinkingeni zentukuthelo. Ukukhulela emndenini ongasebenzi kahle noma onobudlova, ukusebenzisa kabi izidakamizwa, izinkinga zempilo njengomfutho wegazi ophakeme kanye nokucindezeleka, kungenye yezinto zangaphandle. Ngisho nokushisa kungenza umuntu athambekele kakhulu ekuthukutheleni, uma ucabanga ngakho.
Uma usondela kulezi zizathu ngokuzama ukuthola ukuthi ungayilawula kanjani intukuthelo ngokushesha futhi ungayivumeli ivele obala, empeleni awukwenzi ngendlela engcono kakhulu. Ungakwazi yini ukukhohlwa ngokuphelele ngentukuthelo yakho futhi ungayivumeli ibonakale ngamazwi?
Into efanele okufanele uyenze-ke kungaba ukuthola ukuthi ungayisingatha kanjani. Ikakhulukazi uma uzama ukuthola ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nomuntu onezinkinga zentukuthelo ebudlelwaneni, ukwazi ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nemizwa emibi egcwala ubuchopho bakho kuwulwazi olubalulekile. Nokho, ngaphambi kwalokho, ake sibheke ukuthi ayicutshungulwa kanjani ngendlela efanele.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Izimpawu Ezingu-21 Zokuntuleka Kwenhlonipho Ebudlelwaneni
Indlela Intukuthelo Engacutshungulwa Ngayo Ngokungafanele
Kunezindlela ezinhlanu ezivamile abantu abaningi ababhekana ngazo nentukuthelo - ukukhipha umoya, ukungakhulumisani, ulaka lokungenzi lutho (ama-barbs amboziwe, ukubhuqa, ukubelesela), ukucindezela, nokuphendulela intukuthelo ngaphakathi. Ukulahlekelwa ukuzithiba nokuphumela ngaphandle ngokuxhamazela nangokungacabangi kusho ukuthi usho noma wenza izinto ezilimaza umlingani wakho futhi ezilimaza ubuhlobo.
Enye indlela eyingozi yokucubungula intukuthelo ukucindezela. Ngale ndlela intukuthelo ihlala ingaphansi komhlaba ilungele ukuqhuma lapho icasulwa kancane. Ukucindezela intukuthelo isikhathi eside kungase kubangele ukunganaki nebanga elingokomzwelo phakathi kwabalingani.
Uma uzama ukusingatha umlingani wakho ngezinkinga zokulawula intukuthelo, ungakhetha ukucindezela eyakho, ngomzamo wokungavumeli izinto zibe zimbi kakhulu. Kodwa uma usufinyelele umkhawulo wokucindezela futhi ungasakwazi ukusho into yakho, izinto zingaba zimbi kakhulu.
Amaqhinga okubhekana nentukuthelo engenampilo alimaza ubuhlobo bakho ngaphezu kwalokho owazi. Ngokungazitholi izizathu zokucasuka ebudlelwaneni, esikwenzayo nje ukuvumela imizwa engemihle ingene echibini lobuthi, obugcina buhlukumeza ubudlelwano bethu. Ukuze uqiniseke ukuthi lokho akwenzeki, ukuthola indlela yokubhekana nakho kuyadingeka.
Indlela Yokubhekana Nezinkinga Zokulawula Intukuthelo Ebudlelwaneni
Indlela engcono kakhulu yokulawula intukuthelo ebudlelwaneni iwukuyicubungula nokuyiveza ngendlela efanele. Ngokusho kwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kanye nomqeqeshi wabazali oseBengaluru, uDkt. Meghna Singhal: “Ukugwema ukuziphatha okungenampilo ebudlelwaneni njengokuhlasela umlingani wakho ngqo (ukusola noma ubudlova obungokomzimba) noma ngokungaqondile (ngokubhuqa noma ulimi lomzimba, njengokugingqa amehlo) isinyathelo sokuqala sokucubungula intukuthelo ngendlela efanele.”
Okwesibili, uthi, kubalulekile ukugcina ukuxhumana kuvulekile futhi kuqondise futhi usebenzise izitatimende ezithi 'I' ukuze udlulisele imizwa yakho kumlingani wakho. Ngokwesibonelo, ukuthi: “Ngizizwa ngingezwakali lapho ngenza isicelo kodwa singanakwa” kugxilisa ukugxila emizweni yakho kunokusola omunye umuntu.
UDkt. Singhal ugcizelela ukuthi kubaluleke kangakanani ukukhetha isikhathi esifanele sokuxoxa ngezindaba eziphikisanayo. Kungcono ukuhlehlisa ingxoxo kunokuba ube nayo lapho ucindezelekile - isibonelo, lapho uphakathi nokulungiselela isethulo!
"Isici sesithathu esibalulekile ukucacisa engqondweni yakho ukuthi yini umgomo wengxabano. Yini engiyifunayo? Ingabe ngifuna ukuqinisekiswa - ukuze umlingani wami avume ukuthi ngizwa ubuhlungu kangakanani? Noma, ingabe ngifuna ukuthola isisombululo senkinga? Ukukhulumisana nalo mgomo kumlingani wakho nakho kubalulekile, "kusho yena. Nazi ezinye iziphakamiso zendlela yokulawula intukuthelo ebuhlotsheni:
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Ungasabela Kanjani Lapho Umlingani Wakho Esho Izinto Ezilimazayo?
1. Ziqaphele izimpawu zentukuthelo
Ithiphu lokuqala lokulawula intukuthelo kubudlelwane wukubona lapho usendleleni yokuthukuthela. Lezi ezinye zezimpawu ezijwayelekile eziyisixwayiso - ukuhlanganisa noma ukushwabana kwezandla, ukuphefumula ngokushesha, ukuzwa ukuphefumula, ukuvevezela kwezwi, ukuhambahamba uzungeza igumbi, umuzwa wokuminyanisa esifubeni, ukuqina kwentamo nemisipha yehlombe, nokubhaklaza kwekhanda.
2. Shiya indawo yezingxabano
Lokhu kufana nokunikeza ingane 'isikhathi sokuvala' ukuze iphole. Ngaphambi kokuba uhambe, tshela umlingani wakho ukuthi udinga isikhathi uwedwa. Ungasuki ubhaklaze isicabha emva kwakho. Futhi, khumbula ukunqamula ukuxhumana ebudlelwaneni akukusizi ndawo.
U-Rhea uthole isu “lokuphelelwa yisikhathi” liwusizo kakhulu emshadweni wakhe oneziyaluyalu. Ukube akazange aphume ekamelweni izikhathi eziningi impi embi yayisondela, umshado wakhe wawuyobhidlika eminyakeni edlule. Uma uzama ukubhekana nomuntu onezinkinga zentukuthelo ebuhlotsheni, ukuthatha isikhathi ukuze uthole ukuthi ungayicubungula kanjani imizwa yakho kuzosiza kakhulu.
3. Sebenzisa izivivinyo ezimbalwa zokulawula intukuthelo
Lezi ezinye izindlela ezilula zokulawula intukuthelo ongazijwayeza. Hamba uhambe ngokushesha njengoba ukuvivinya umzimba kungasiza ekudaluleni intukuthelo. Prakthiza ukuphefumula okujulile. Bala kancane kancane uze ufike ekhulwini. Zama ukuzikhulumela - uzitshele ukuthi uphumule. Kuyasiza ukubhala phansi ukuthi yini esusa intukuthelo yakho.
Ukulalela umculo opholile, ukuchitha isikhathi nesilwane sakho esifuywayo, noma ukuzitholela inkomishi yetiye nakho kungasiza. Amasu esikhathi eside okulawula intukuthelo ahlanganisa i-yoga, ukuzindla, nokuzilolonga okuqhubekayo kokuphumula kwemisipha ukuze ulwe nokucindezeleka.
4. Gwema ukukhononda kumuntu wesithathu
Uma uthukuthelele umlingani wakho, kuba nokuthambekela kokwabelana ngemininingwane yempi nomuntu omethembayo - umngane oseduze noma ilungu lomndeni. Nakuba lokhu kungakunikeza impumuzo yesikhashana, umlingani wakho angase azivikele. Kungcono ukuxazulula indaba phakathi kwenu nobabili. Ngezinye izikhathi, lapho omunye umlingani ecasukile kakhulu, kungadingeka ukuthi nixoxe.
Umbono womuntu wesithathu ungase futhi ube usizo ukuze uthole ukucaciseleka. Ijaji lilindele leli phuzu, kodwa zama ukungakhulumi ngezinto kwabanye abantu ezingenza umlingani wakho azizwe elimele. Uma wenza kanjalo, ungase ugcine usubanika esinye isizathu sokucasuka ngawe.
5. Qonda umsuka wangempela wentukuthelo
Kwesinye isikhathi imbangela yokucasuka ingase ibe yinto encane kodwa kungase kube nembangela ejulile ecashile. Ngokwesibonelo, ungase uthukuthele ngoba umlingani wakho ukulindile.
Imbangela yangempela yentukuthelo ingase ibe umuzwa wokungazethembi njengoba ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi awubalulekile ngempela ekuphileni kwakhe. Noma, intukuthelo ingase ifihle ukukhathazeka kwakho ngokuthi uzofika sekwephuzile emcimbini. Uma kunjalo, ukulawula intukuthelo nokukhathazeka kokubili kubalulekile.
6. Thola izindlela zokucabanga ezingezinhle
'Ukuhlanekezelwa kwengqondo' kungase kube yimbangela yentukuthelo ngezinye izikhathi. Abanye babo bazenzela izinto, bathathela yonke into mathupha, basole, banciphise okuhle, bafinyelele esiphethweni, benze ihaba ngesimo, futhi basole umngane womshado ngezinto ezincane. Ukuqaphela lokhu kuhlanekezela kuzokusiza ukuthi uhlele kabusha ukucabanga kwakho ngendlela eyakhayo futhi engokoqobo.
Esikhundleni sokuzama nje ukulawula intukuthelo ngokushesha, kufanele uthole izindlela zokucabanga ezingezinhle ezibangela intukuthelo. Ngaleyo ndlela, uzokwazi ukuthola ukuthi yini okufanele uyilungise.
7. Lahla ukuthambekela kokufukamela
Ungabhebhethekisi intukuthelo yakho ngokucabanga ngezenzakalo ezilimazayo zesikhathi esidlule. Yeka amagqubu. Lokhu kuzoqinisekisa ukuthi okwedlule akugxambukeli esikhathini samanje futhi kuhlanganise intukuthelo yakho. Noma nini lapho uRichard noRene belwa, kwakuyisikhathi sikaRichard. Wayenomkhuba omubi wokukhumbula zonke izinto ezilimazayo uRene azishilo kuye phakathi nezimpi zangaphambilini. Lokhu kwamthukuthelisa kakhulu.
8. Khuluma uma usuthule
Uma usuthule futhi waqonda izinto ekhanda lakho, sekuyisikhathi sokukhuluma nomlingani wakho. Qinisekisa ukuthi umlingani wakho naye ukulungele ingxoxo. Uma kufanele uxolise, kwenze. Yiba nesibindi kodwa ungaphikisani. Yisho ngokucacile ukuthi ufunani bese uchaza ukuthi iyini ikhambi lakho lenkinga. Uma uzizwa sengathi isimo sengqondo silungile, ungazama ukusebenzisa amahlaya ukuze uqede ukucindezeleka. Ngaphandle kokukhuluma, lalela umlingani wakho.
Ukufunda Okuhlobene: Indlela Yokuyeka Intukuthelo Nentukuthelo Ebudlelwaneni
9. Ungagxili ekuwineni
Ekugcineni, akubalulekile ukuthi umuntu oyedwa awine ingxabano. Kubalulekile ukuxazulula inkinga ngendlela eyanelisa bobabili ozakwethu. Nokho, uma ungakwazi ukufinyelela esivumelwaneni esinokuthula, funda ukuyeka. Yazi ukuthi kufanele uyeke nini ukulwa. Lokhu kubaluleke kakhulu uma uzama ukubhekana nomuntu onezinkinga zentukuthelo ebuhlotsheni. Izimpikiswano empeleni aziphathelene “nokuwina”. Nikezanani niphole, nizame ukuthola ukuthi uyini umgomo wale mpi.
10. Funa usizo lochwepheshe
Uma uzwa sengathi intukuthelo ilimaza impilo yakho engokomzimba nengokwengqondo kanye nobuhlobo bakho, kungase kube isikhathi sokufuna usizo. Amakilasi okulawula intukuthelo azokuhlomisa ngamasu awusizo. Ungakhetha ukwelashwa (noma ukwelashwa kwabashadikazi) lapho ungaqonda khona kangcono izimbangela ezijulile zentukuthelo yakho.
Uma ungakwazi ukuqonda izizathu zentukuthelo ebudlelwaneni bakho noma uzama ukusingatha umlingani wakho onezinkinga zokulawula intukuthelo, ukufuna usizo lochwepheshe kungakusiza ukuthi uthole imbangela yayo. Uma kuwusizo olufunayo, iphaneli yochwepheshe bezempilo yengqondo kaBonobolgy iseduze nje ngokuchofoza.
Njengoba kushiwo ngaphambili, intukuthelo ingase ibe eyakhayo ezimweni ezithile. UDkt. Singhal uthi, “Uma ukhipha umoya ngendlela enempilo, khona-ke intukuthelo ingasondeza umbhangqwana, ingaholela othandweni nokusondelana okwengeziwe.
Kungumbono oyiphutha ukuthi intukuthelo ayiyona ingxenye yobudlelwano obunempilo. Kodwa indlela umbhangqwana obhekana ngayo nentukuthelo ebuhlotsheni bawo ingase ibe umehluko phakathi kokuhlala ndawonye noma ukuhamba ngezindlela zabo ezihlukene. Ukulawula intukuthelo ngendlela enempilo kuhilela ukubona imizwa ekuwe futhi udlulisele umlayezo wakho othukuthele kumlingani wakho ngendlela efanele, eyakhayo.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Intukuthelo iwumuzwa womuntu ojwayelekile, futhi wonke umuntu kufanele ayizwe, ikakhulukazi ebudlelwaneni. Inkinga iba khona lapho ingaqondakali futhi kubhekwane nayo. Uma kunjalo, intukuthelo ebudlelwaneni ayibangeli ukulimala ngokomzimba noma ngokwengqondo komunye wabalingani. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi intukuthelo imvamisa noma inani, uma kungabhekwana nayo ngendlela efanele, kuyimbangela yokukhathazeka.
Intukuthelo ayiwona njalo umuzwa ongenampilo. Uma into eyenziwe uphathina wakho ikuthukuthelisile, kujwayelekile futhi kuyakhuthazwa ukuthi ukhulume ngayo. Kodwa lapho intukuthelo izibonakalisa ngokuziphatha okungenampilo nobuthi, ngokuvamile akuthathwa njengokujwayelekile noma okuthile okufanele kwenzeke.
Ungenza Kanjani Ukuzola Uma Intombi Yakho Ikhuluma Nabanye Abafana
Izindlela Eziyi-9 Zokuzijwayeza Ukucabangela Ebudlelwaneni Obuseduze
Umnikelo wakho awuyona iminikelo yokusiza . Kuzovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolusesikhathini njengoba sifuna ukusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
