Izinto Eziyi-11 Okufanele Uzenze Uma Umuntu Ekuphatha Kabi Ebudlelwaneni

Sonke sike saba sesimeni lapho othile esiphethe kabi. Kungaba emndenini, umngane, uzakwethu, umphathi, noma uthisha, sonke sinaye lowo muntu oyedwa osenze sazibuza ukuthi kukhona yini esikwenzile ukuze baziphathe ngale ndlela. Kodwa kwenzekani lapho othile ekuphatha kabi ebuhlotsheni, ubuhlobo bothando obubaluleke kakhulu?

Emsebenzini, ubuza osebenza naye, “Ingabe yimi kuphela, noma umphathi mubi nakuwe?” Amathuba ukuthi umphathi wakho uthwebule wonke umuntu ehhovisi futhi lokho kukunikeza ukukhululeka okusheshayo. “Awu!, akumina!”, usho kanjalo, usula ubuso bakho. Ebudlelwaneni bakho bezothando, kunzima kakhulu ukuthola ukuthi kungani umlingani wakho ekuphatha kabi nokuthi yini okufanele uyenze ngakho.

Izizathu Ezenza Umaqondana Wakho Akuphathe Kabi

Uma othile ekuphatha kabi futhi enza izinto ezikulimazayo, kuyakuphoqa ukuba uzibuze, “Kungani?” Kungokwemvelo ukuzama ukuthola imbangela yobuhlungu obuzwiswayo. Ngaphambi kokuthi ubheke ukuthi ubhekana kanjani nomuntu okuphatha kabi, kungasiza ukubhekisisa ukuthi uzama kanjani ukuthethelela ukuziphatha kwakhe.

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sase-Australia uFritz Heider emsebenzini wakhe, I-Psychology of Interpersonal Relations, wayihlola futhi wayibiza ngokuthi I-Attribution Theory, noma lokho umuntu akholelwa ukuthi kuyimbangela yokuziphatha okuthile. Ngokwale thiyori, kungokwemvelo ngokuphelele ukuzama ukuthi ukuziphatha komlingani wakho kubangelwa yizimbangela zangaphandle noma zangaphakathi.

Ake sithi umlingani wakho uvame ukuziphatha kabi nawe. Bachitha imizwa yakho, bashaya indiva noma imiphi imibono oyinikezayo, futhi ngezinye izikhathi baze bazibandakanye ukuhlukunyezwa ngamazwi, ukukushutha noma ukubeke phansi phambi kwabanye abantu. Ungacabanga ukuthi umthombo wokuziphatha kwabo okubi kungaba okunye kwalokhu okubili okulandelayo:

• Kwangaphandle: Lokhu kusho ukuthi isizathu sokuziphatha kwabo kungaba noma yini ngaphandle kwabo. Kungaba izimo zabo. Isibonelo, bebephushwa emsebenzini ngesikhathi bekuhlasela. Noma into oyenzile, ibacasule ukuthi basabele ngendlela embi
• Ngaphakathi: Lokhu kusho ukuthi ukuziphatha kwabo kuvela ngaphakathi kubo. Isibonelo, bahlushwa ukuthambekela kwe-narcissistic. Ababongi, bayakhukhumala, futhi bayahlukumeza, yingakho bengaziphathi kahle

Ngokuvamile sivame ukukhomba ukuziphatha okubi kozakwethu ngenxa yezizathu zabo zangaphandle, sisole izimo zabo noma sibasebenzise njengezaba zezenzo zabo. Size sizisole ngokuthi siyimbangela yabo yangaphandle. Kodwa uma ukuphathwa kabi kungabonakali “kuyisigaba nje”, kufanele uqale ukufuna izimpawu ezilandelayo akuphethe kabi noma akakuphathi kahle:

• Abakuhloniphi noma ukukuphatha kabi njalo
• Bayenqaba ukwazisa ukukhathazeka kwakho kanye nempendulo
• Abakaze baxolise
• Bayaxolisa kodwa abenzi mzamo wokushintsha
• Bakuthukuthelisa ngokukholelwa ukuthi abazange baziphathe kabi nawe

Uma lezi zinto ziyinjwayelo ebudlelwaneni bakho, udinga ukuyeka ukugxeka wena noma izimo zangaphandle zomlingani wakho futhi ubhekane neqiniso. Ubudlelwano bakho nabo bunobuthi futhi udinga ukuthola ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nomuntu okuphatha kabi.

Udinga futhi ukubona ukuthi kungani ubavumela babaleke nalokhu kuziphatha. Kunomyalezo ngendlela umuntu akuphatha ngayo, uma ngabe uphathina wakho bekuphethe kabi, kumele ubhekane nokwesaba kwakho uqunge isibindi sokuzimela.

Izinto Eziyi-11 Okufanele Uzenze Uma Umuntu Ekuphatha Kabi Ebudlelwaneni

Awenzanga lutho ukumema ukuziphatha okubi njalo. Njengabantu abadala, sonke sinesibopho sokuziphatha kwethu futhi nozakwenu naye unjalo. Kodwa manje njengoba wena, ngeshwa, uzithola ususho izinto ezinjengokuthi, “Wa/Wangiphatha sengathi ngingelutho”, noma ukholelwa ukuthi, “Indlela umuntu akuphatha ngayo yindlela azizwa ngayo ngawe”, noma u-googling, “Okufanele ukwenze lapho othile ekuphatha kabi ebudlelwaneni bakho”, ake sibheke ukuthi ungabhekana kanjani nalesi simo, isinyathelo esisodwa ngesikhathi:

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1. Yiba nobubele kuwena

Okokuqala nje, akumele udikibale ngokuqaphela ukuthi ubukuthola kunzima ukuzimela, ukubhekana nokuziphatha okubi, ukufuna ukuxolisa kanye noshintsho, futhi uma kungashintshi lutho, phuma. Akulula neze ukumelana nakho iziqhwaga zobudlelwane.

Khumbula, akufanele ucele okuthile okuyisisekelo njengokuphathwa kahle ngomunye wakho obalulekile, kwasekuqaleni. Okwesibili, kungokwemvelo ukuthi ufuna ukwelashwa okungcono kumlingani wakho. Wonke umuntu ufanelwe ukuba sebudlelwaneni obunempilo obuphawulwa ukuhloniphana, ngaphezu kwakho konke okunye.

2. Ungasheshi usheshe uma othile ekuphatha kabi ebudlelwaneni bakho

Thina, bantu, siklanyelwe ukusabela ezimweni ezisongelayo. Siyabaleka noma silwe lapho sizithola sisengozini. Imizwa yakho engokwemvelo ingakwenza usabele lapho umlingani wakho eziphatha kabi nawe. Kodwa ukwenza kanjalo kuyokufaka engozini noma kukuphoqe ukuba wenze noma usho okuthile ongase uzisole ngakho kamuva.

Ngakho-ke, uma othile ekuphatha kabi, khumbula nje ukuthi udinga ukuhlehla ukuze ukwazi ukucubungula ngokuthula okwenzekile. Izinzwa ezizolile zivumela ukusabela okuhlakaniphile esimweni esibi. Kuzokuvumela futhi ukuthi ubone ngokucacile ukuthi kungani isigameko senzeke, qaphela iphethini uma likhona, futhi ukuqonda amandla okuhlukumeza ukukala uma izinto zidlulele ngaphezu kokulawula.

3. Qonda ukuthi kusho ukuthini ukuhlukunyezwa

Uma othile eziphatha kabi ebudlelwaneni, cishe uthola amathumbu umuzwa wokuthi kukhona okungahambi kahle. Kodwa ngokuvamile asiqiniseki ngakho. Ukuze sikwazi ukukhomba okungalungile, kudingeka sizizwe siqinisekile. Khumbula, ulwazi lungamandla.

Ukuhlukunyezwa ngokomzimba nangokwezwi kulula ukukubona kodwa kunezinye izindlela ezimbalwa zokuhlukumeza ezingaba nobuqili kakhulu. Nakhu ukwehla kokuhlukunyezwa ngezindlela zako ezihlukene, kanye nezibonelo, ukukusiza uqonde ukuthi yini ngempela okudingeka uyiqaphele:

• Ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo: Isibonelo, ukukhanyisa igesi, ukusongela ukuhamba, ukusongela ukuzilimaza wena noma abanye
• Ukunganaki: Isibonelo, ukugodla uthando, ukwenqaba ukwabelana ngomthwalo, ukupha ukuthulisa
• Ukuzihlukanisa emphakathini: Isibonelo, ukuvimbela umlingani ekuhlanganyeleni
• Ukuhlukumeza ngokwezimali: Isibonelo, ukubamba izinsiza zezimali, ukusebenzisa ngokweqile ngaphandle kwemvume, kushiya imali encane
• Ukuhlukumeza ngokocansi: Isibonelo, ukuphazamisa noma ukuxhaphaza ukulawula inzalo, ukuzama ucansi ngaphandle kwemvume

4. Cabanga ngemingcele ofuna ukuyibeka

Uma othile ekuphatha kabi ebudlelwaneni bakho, into ebaluleke kakhulu okufanele uyenze beka imingcele ecacile. Ukuze ukwazi ukwenza lokho, thatha isinyathelo emuva futhi ucabange, kungani uzizwa sengathi uye waphathwa kabi? Cabanga ngemingcele yakho. Hlaziya ukuthi yini ekwenza uzizwe uhlonishwa, waziswa, futhi okubaluleke kakhulu, uphephile.

Ukuze ukwazi ukwazi ukuthi usabela kanjani lapho othile ekuphatha kabi ebudlelwaneni, kufanele uziqonde futhi uzazi wena. Udinga futhi ukwazi kahle amagama emizwa yakho. Lungiselela izitatimende zakho ngaphambi kokuthi ukhulume nabo. Uma ungazi ukuthi uzizwa kanjani nokuthi ungathanda ukuzizwa kanjani, ungakukhuluma kanjani komunye umuntu?

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5. Xhumana nomlingani wakho ngemingcele yakho ngokugomela

Manje njengoba usuyazi ukuthi yini oyifunayo nokuthi yini ekulimazayo, yisikhathi sokubeka le micabango ngamazwi. Udinga ukutshela umlingani wakho ukuthi wenze iphutha futhi yini oyilindele kuye. Ukugomela kusho ukuthi kufanele ukhulume ngokucacile, ngenhlonipho, ngomoya ophansi, nangesibindi.

Ngokufanelekile, umlingani wakho kufanele akunikeze a ukuxolisa okuqotho lokho kuhlanganisa ukuqonda isenzo sabo nomthelela waso kuwe, ukuzisola ngokuziphatha kwabo, kanye nesiqinisekiso sokuthi ngeke bakuphinde.

6. Ungabekezeleli ukuziphatha okubi

Uma umtshelile umlingani wakho ukuthi kungani ekuzwise ubuhlungu ngamazwi/izenzo zakhe nokuthi kungani kumele ashintshe ukuziphatha kwakhe, ungamvumeli ukuthi aphinde aziphathe kabi nawe. Uma ubavumela, usuke ubatshela ukuthi awuzihloniphi. Empeleni uthi, "Ngilungile ngalokhu. Qhubeka."

Khumbula, indlela umuntu akuphatha ngayo yindlela azizwa ngayo ngawe. Umjikelezo wokuhlukumeza uqiniswa kakhulu kuphela uma ubekezelela ukuziphatha okubi. Funda ukusho ngokuqinile, "Cha, ngeke ngikubekezelele lokhu", lapho othile ekuphatha kabi ebuhlotsheni.

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7. Ukuzihlola kungakutshela ukuthi kungani ubekezelela ukuziphatha okubi

Uma ungenqabanga ukubekezelela ukuziphatha okubi komlingani wakho futhi ungakaze ubhekane nakho, udinga ukuhlaziya ukuthi yini eyenza ubekezelele ukungaziphathi kahle noma ukuhlukumeza. Udinga ukuthola umsuka wokwesaba kwakho. Abantu babekezelela futhi bakushaya indiva ukuziphatha okubi kwabalingani babo ikakhulukazi ngenxa yezizathu ezilandelayo:

• Uyi ubuntu obuzwelayo thayipha futhi ucabange ukuthi umlingani wakho ulimele futhi udinga ukusekelwa
• Ngokunganakile ucabanga ukuthi kufanele lokho okutholayo
• Ukholelwa ukuthi bazoshintsha
• Uyesaba ukucabanga impilo ngaphandle kwabo
• Awuzimele (ngokomzwelo, ngokwezimali, ngokomzimba, njll.)

Eziningi zalezi zinkolelo zisuka ekungazethembini noma ekubeni ngumsindisi. Udinga ukubhekana nazo ukuze zikuvumele ungene emthonjeni wakho siqu wesibindi futhi umelane nozakwenu okuhlukumezayo okuphatha kabi.

8. Funa usizo lochwepheshe

Ukuze uthole umnyombo wezinkinga ezikuvimbela ekuqinisekiseni amalungelo akho angokomzwelo, ungase udinge ukungenelela kwangaphandle nesiqondiso. Ukusebenza nomelaphi kungakusiza ukuthi ubheke emuva ekuhlukumezekeni kwasebuntwaneni okungase kubangele izinkinga ezinjengokwesaba ukulahlwa, isitayela sokunamathiselwe esingavikelekile, noma izinkinga zokusebenzisa ikhodi.

Funa usizo kuchwepheshe wezempilo yengqondo, ongabamba ngesandla futhi akuqondise ekuphileni okunenhlonipho nozakwethu onothando. Bangakusiza futhi ufunde ukuthi wenzenjani uma othile ekuphatha kabi ebudlelwaneni bakho noma ekuhlukumeza. Uma udinga lolo sizo, unekhono futhi unelayisensi abeluleki on Iphaneli yeBonobology bakhona ukuze bakusize.

9. Zinike uthando

Uma umuntu ekuphatha kabi ebudlelwaneni, yiba nguwe umthombo wothando, zinike okudingayo, futhi ubone umehluko. Kufanele uthuthukise ubudlelwano bakho nawe ukuze uzizwe uqiniseka ngokwengeziwe. Zijabulise ngokuzithanda. Kodwa musa ukukhawulela ukuzinakekela futhi amathiphu okuzithanda esikhumbeni amakhambi ajulile.

Impela, ukuya endaweni ye-spa noma ukugunda izinwele ezintsha, noma ukugqoka izicathulo ezintsha kungase kuphakamise umoya wakho. Lezi zingase zikuvumele nokuba ubeke izifiso zakho kuqala. Kodwa ukuzithanda kujule kunalokho futhi kungase kudingeke usebenze kanzima kukho. Nazi ezinye izindlela ongazijwayeza ngazo ukuzithanda ngobuqotho bangempela:

• Ukulungisa ukudla kwakho
• Ukusebenzisa
• Ukuthatha umsebenzi wokuzilibazisa noma umdlalo
• Ukuxhuma kabusha nomngane wakudala
• Ukuthola umelaphi
• I-Journaling
• Ukufunda
• Ukuzixolela ngokushesha
• Ukugcina isheke ekukhulumeni okungalungile
• Ukugcina izithembiso ozenzayo kuwe
• Ukugomela imingcele yakho

10. Ungalinge uzibambele mathupha ebudlelwaneni

Qaphela umehluko phakathi komusho othi, “Uthola okukufanele” kanye nokuthi “Uthola lokho ocabanga ukuthi kufanele.” Akekho omunye onquma ukuthi yini okufanele ebudlelwaneni bakho ngaphandle kwakho. Uma othile ekuphatha kabi ebudlelwaneni bakho, kungase kudingeke uhlehle futhi uhlaziye izindinganiso osuzilungise.

Kufanele uphakamise lokho okulindele futhi unganeliseki ubuncane obungenalutho ebudlelwaneni bakho. Ucabanga ukuthi kulungile yini ngezinye izikhathi ukuqanjelwa amanga? Ucabanga ukuthi kulungile ukushaya isithandwa sakho kanye ngesikhathi uma umthanda isikhathi esiningi? Ucabanga ukuthi kulungile ukuzizwa ukhathazekile futhi ungaphumuli othandweni? Ngabe ucabanga ukuthi idrama ebudlelwaneni ilingana “nogqozi”? Cabanga ngezimpendulo zakho.

11. Ungesabi ukuphuma

Uma othile ekuphatha kabi futhi ekulimaza, mhlawumbe kufanele uvele uphume. Uma kwenzeka uzizwa unesidingo sokwenza lokho, yazi ukuthi lesi senzo sokuzigcina singenangqondo futhi asisona esobugovu. Kulungile ukuzizwa wesaba ikusasa elingaziwa, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi lesi sikhathi esaziwayo sinobuthi obungakanani. Ukwesaba kwakho kuyaqondakala ngokuphelele. Yiba nomusa kuwe futhi uthathe isinyathelo esisodwa ngesikhathi.

Thola usizo kwabathandekayo bakho. Lungisa izindaba zakho uhambe! Qaphela kakhulu isu lakho lokuhamba, ikakhulukazi uma usebenza nozakwethu onodlame ngokomzimba.

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Ukwazi Isikhathi Sokuhamba

Lokhu ucwaningo lokucwaninga ngesihloko, Ukuhlukunyezwa Ebudlelwaneni Obuseduze, ithi, “Kungase kube okokwenziwa ngandlela-thile ukuhlukanisa ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo ezinhlotsheni zokuhlukumeza ngokomzimba ngoba izinhlobo zokuhlukumeza ngokomzimba nazo zilimaza izisulu ezingokomzwelo nezingokwengqondo, futhi zombili izinhlobo zokuhlukumeza zisebenzela ukusungula ukubusa nokulawula omunye umuntu”.

Uma othile ekuphatha kabi ebudlelwaneni bakho, udinga ukuba neqiniso kuwe ngokuthi izinto zimbi kangakanani. Uzikweleta impendulo ethembekile yombuzo othi "Ingabe ngisebudlelwaneni obuhlukumezayo?" Zilungiselele ukushiya umlingani wakho uma uyisisulu sokuhlukunyezwa. Uma ungenaso isiqiniseko sokuthi lokho obhekene nakho kufana nokuhlukumeza, le mibuzo elandelayo izokunikeza ukucaca okuthile:

• Ingabe umlingani wakho ukushayile?
• Bakubiza ngamagama?
• Ingabe bahlale bekhuluma nawe ngokudelela nokugxeka?
• Ingabe bebengakunaki ngokomzwelo ngaphandle kokulungisa izinkinga zabo nawe?
• Wake waba umlingani wakho ukukopela kuwe?
• Ingabe bavame ukuhileleka ekungathembekeni ngokwezimali?
• Ingabe bahlala/bavame ukungakuhloniphi?
• Ingabe zikwenza uzizwe umncane?
• Ingabe bayanilulaza phambi kwabantu? Phambi komndeni wakho, izingane, noma abangane?
• Ingabe bayakucasula ukuze ukholelwe ukuthi abenzanga bubi?
• Ingabe bayakusebenzisa ekungabazeni uhlelo lwakho lokuphendula ngokomzwelo?
• Ingabe balulaza ubuhlungu bakho futhi benqabe ukwenza noma yini ngakho?

Konke lokhu okungenhla kuyizimpawu zokuthi ukuphethe kabi noma ukuhlukumeza, udlame olungokomzimba kumele lube wumthetho oqinile. Ukuhlukumeza ngamazwi kanye nokunganakwa ngokomzwelo nakho kungamhlukumeza kakhulu isisulu. Awukufanele lokhu kuthotshiswa.

Uma usengozini esheshayo, shayela u-9-1-1.

Ngosizo olungaziwa, oluyimfihlo, 24/7, sicela ushayele Inombolo Kazwelonke Yodlame Lwasekhaya kokuthi 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) noma 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

Uma uzithola uvame ukutshela umngane wakho omethembayo ukuthi, “Wangiphatha sengathi ngingelutho”, zikhumbuze ukuthi kunomyalezo ngendlela indoda ekuphatha ngayo noma owesifazane aziphatha ngayo ebudlelwaneni. Futhi ukungazinaki ukuziphatha kwabo okubi kuyomane kukuqinise. Kuyacaca ukuthi abakukhombisi inhlonipho ekufanele. Bacele ukuthi bashintshe izindlela zabo, futhi uma bengakwenzi, zilungiselele ukuhamba. Kufanele ubeke phambili ukuphepha kwakho ngokomzimba kanye nempilo yengqondo/engokomzwelo.

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