Ukuphela komshado kungaba igalelo elinzima ukubhekana nalo. Uma udonsa kanzima ukwamukela ukuthi umshado wakho usuphelile futhi kufanele udedele owakwakho omthandayo, yazi ukuthi awuwedwa. Yonke imishado iba nezikhathi ezimnandi nezingezinhle, futhi sitshelwa ukuthi abantu esiphila nabo bahloselwe ukubhekana nezivunguvungu ndawonye.
Yingakho ingxenye enzima kakhulu, ngokuvamile, izama ukuthola ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sokuyeka umshado omubi noma uvele ushaye enye indawo enzima okufanele nisebenze ndawonye.
Encwadini Izimpawu Zokuthi Sekuphelile: Umhlahlandlela Wokuzisiza Wokwazi Lapho Ubuhlobo Bakho Noma Umshado Sebuphelile Futhi Yini Okufanele Uyenze Ngabo umlobi uDenise Brienne uthi, “Ubuhlobo buyaphela futhi bugeleze futhi bushintshe, futhi ngezinye izikhathi lezo zinguquko zingase zifane nesiphetho, kuyilapho kungenjalo ngempela.
Noma ngabe zikhona izimpawu zokuthi umshado uyehla into enzima wukwamukela ukuthi umshado usuphelile futhi udinga ukuwuqeda ngokuthula. Kunezikhathi kungcono ukudedela umshado bese uqhubeka nokuzabalaza kuwo futhi wamukele isehlukaniso noma ungasafuni.
Ukuze sikusize uqonde uma sekuyisikhathi sokudedela umngane womshado omthandayo, sizozama ukuqonda ukuthi umshado wakho usuphelile yini ngempela nokuthi yini ongayenza ukuze wamukele leli qiniso.
Wazi Kanjani Lapho Umshado Wakho Usuphelile Ngempela?
Okuqukethwe
Ukuqonda lapho wakho umshado usuphelile kungaba umsebenzi othusa kakhulu. Kuvamile ukuthi abantu bachithe isikhathi sabo ebudlelwaneni obungajabulisi ngoba nje benethemba lokuthi izinto zizolunga ngelinye ilanga. Kodwa ngezinye izikhathi, ushaya nje ihhashi elifile futhi wenze kanjalo ngezindleko zenjabulo nenhlalakahle yakho.
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseMelika esaziwayo uDkt John Gottman, osekuphele iminyaka engaphezu kwengu-40 eluleka imibhangqwana, ukwazile ukubikezela isehlukaniso ngokunemba okungama-90%. Izibikezelo zakhe zisekelwe endleleni yakhe ayibiza ngokuthi Abagibeli Bamahhashi Abane be-Apocalypse futhi lezo - ukugxeka, indelelo, ukuzivikela kanye ukukhanda ngamatshe.
Encwadini yakhe Okwenza Imishado Iphumelele Noma Ihluleke, uDkt Gottman uveza ukuthi indelelo yisona sizathu esikhulu noma isehlukaniso ngoba sibhidliza umshado. Ukudelelana kusho ukuntula inhlonipho nokutuseka emshadweni.
Uma wena nomlingani wakho nibonisa iningi lalezi zici, sekuyisikhathi sokwamukela ukuthi umshado uphelile. Ngaphandle kokudelela, yiziphi izimpawu emshadweni wakho ezithi sekuyisikhathi sokuhlukanisa? Ake sikutshele.
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1. Ukuphila njengomuntu ongashadile
Olunye uphawu oluyisixwayiso lwesehlukaniso ukuthi wena nomlingani wakho nivame ukwenza izinhlelo ezingabandakanyi omunye. Nakuba kunempilo kuwe nophathina wakho ukuba namaqembu enu abangani, ukukhetha njalo ukuchitha isikhathi nabangane kunomlingani wakho, kusho ukuthi oyedwa noma nobabili ukudedela umshado.
Kungase kube nzima ukwamukela ukuphela komshado wakho, kodwa uma umlingani wakho enqaba ukuchitha isikhathi esanele ndawonye njengombhangqwana, kungase kudingeke udedele umlingani wakho omthandayo.
2. Ukukopela kuyakuncenga
Ngisho nabantu abashadile ngezinye izikhathi bacabanga ngabanye abantu, kodwa abasoze baphupha ngokukhohlisa umlingani abamthandayo. Amaphupho kumane kuyinjabulo enecala imibhangqwana ezitika ngayo ngezikhathi ezithile.
Uma ukukopela kuyeka ukuba yiphupho futhi kuba into ekukhangayo, kungase kube uphawu lokuthi uyawudedela umshado wakho. Nakuba kunomehluko omkhulu phakathi kokukopela nemicabango yokukopela, imicabango enjalo isasho umshado ongajabulisi.
Uma uvame ukuzithola udonseka kwabanye abantu, kudingeka wamukele ukuthi umshado wakho awusenawo umlenze wokuma kuwo.
3. Izimali ezingachazwanga nezingaqondakali
Olunye lwezimpawu eziyisixwayiso zokuthi isehlukaniso sisemakhadini siwukuthi omunye womshado noma bobabili baqala izinqumo zezimali ngaphandle kokubonisana. Uma usushadile, zonke izinqumo ozenzayo noma oshade naye zinomthelela nakwesinye.
Emshadweni onempilo, ukuhlela ngokwezimali kudlala indima ebalulekile. Bobabili ozakwethu basebenza ndawonye ukuze babambe ucingo ngezindleko, ukonga, ukwakha amafa nokunye. Uma umlingani wakho engakugcini olwazini ngalezi zinto, kuwuphawu olubi lokuthi udinga ukwamukela ukuthi umshado wakho usuphelile.
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4. Ukucabanga ngomlingani wakho kuyakuqeda amandla
Ekuqaleni komshado wakho, cishe awukwazanga ukulinda ukubuyela ekhaya futhi ubone umlingani wakho. Ukucabanga ngabo kwakukwenza ujabule. Lokhu kuwuphawu lobudlelwano obunempilo, lapho ulangazelela ukuchitha isikhathi nomlingani wakho.
Kodwa-ke, uma ulwa njalo noma ubhekene nezikhathi ezinde zokuzonda, ukucabanga ngomlingani wakho noma ukuba naye kungase kuzizwe kukhungathekile futhi kukhathele.
Lokhu kwenzeka kuphela emshadweni ongajabulisi ongenalo ikusasa.
5. Isehlukaniso asiselona usongo oluyize
Kwesinye isikhathi uma izingxabano zishuba, wena nophathina wakho ningakhuluma izinto ezilimazayo eningaqondile. Kwesinye isikhathi usabisa ngesahlukaniso, futhi lapho nje ususho lawo mazwi, ufise sengathi ungawabuyisela emuva.
Nokho, ngolunye usuku ungase uthole ukuthi lapho ukhuluma lawo mazwi, usuke uqonde wona. Uma ukuleso sigaba, lapho uzimisele ucabangela isehlukaniso nokuhlukana nomlingani wakho, asikho isikhala sokungacaci. Yisikhathi sokwamukela ukuthi umshado wakho uphelile.
Indlela Yokwamukela Umshado Wakho Uphelile?
Ukuqeda umshado kuyingxenye yokuqala yenqubo. Enye ingxenye wukwamukela ukuthi umshado usuphelile futhi uqhubeke. Ngisho nangemva kokuba usumyekile umngane womshado omthandayo, ungase ukuthole kunzima ukumkhumbula futhi ungase usamkhumbula kakhulu.
U-Angela Stewart noRalph Wilson (igama elishintshiwe) babengabathandwa basesikoleni esiphakeme abashada base behlukanisa eminyakeni emithathu kamuva. U-Angela wathi, "Impilo yami yonke kwakunendoda eyodwa kuphela engangiyazi futhi kwakunguRalph. Angikwazi ukuqeda zonke izinkumbulo esizidale ndawonye isikhathi eside kangaka. Noma nini lapho ngidla isidlo sakhe asithandayo, ngibuka uhlelo aluthandayo noma ngihlangana nabangane bethu esivamile, ngihlala ngilwa nemizwa yami.
Nakuba ayekhohlisa ngangizimisele ukumxolela futhi ngihlenge umshado wethu. Kodwa umyeni wami wayemile kwelokuthi ufuna isehlukaniso. Kwangithatha isikhathi eside kakhulu ukwamukela ukuthi isehlukaniso sasingenakugwenywa.”
Nakuba lesi kuyisimo somqondo esingokwemvelo okufanele ube kuso, futhi asinampilo futhi udinga ukusebenza ukuze uphume kuso. Awukwazi ukuvumela owakwakho ukuthi akuvimbele ukuthi uphile impilo engcono kakhulu ngemva kokuqeda umshado.
Ukukusiza ukuthi uthuthuke kulokho, nanka amathiphu angakusiza ukuthi wamukele ngempela umshado wakho.
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1. Yazisa indlela ozizwa ngayo
Abantu abahlukene basabela ngendlela ehlukene lapho kudedelwa umshado omubi. Abanye bakuthola kunzima ukuyeka umshado omubi, kuyilapho abanye bejabulela ukuthi ekugcineni bakhululekile kubalingani babo.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ukuphi kulo mkhakha, okuwukuphela kwendlela yokukhulula umshado omubi ukuvuma ngokweqiniso indlela ozizwa ngayo. Kuphela ngemva kokuba usuqondane nemizwa yakho yangempela lapho ungaqala inqubo yokuphulukisa futhi uqhubekele esahlukweni esilandelayo sempilo yakho.
2. Yazi ukuthi umlingani wakho akakwazi ukukunikeza lokho okudingayo
Ukuze uyeke umshado omubi, udinga ukuqaphela ukuthi umlingani wakho akakwazi ukukunikeza uhlobo lokusekelwa ngokomzwelo nothando oludingayo. Uma usukwamukele lokho, uzoqala ukuqaphela ukuthi awudingi ukuthi owakwakho aneliseke noma ajabule.
Ukuqeda umshado kungaba yisinqumo esibuhlungu, kodwa ukuhlala emshadweni ongajabulisi kuyokushiya ukhathele futhi umunyu.
Kunempilo ukudedela umshado omubi uqhubeke nempilo yakho.
3. Khuluma nabangane bakho kanye nabathandekayo bakho
Ukuqeda umshado kungase kube nesihluku. Ngeke usakwazi ukukhuluma noma ukwethembe umuntu obukade usondelene naye kakhulu. Lokhu kungonakalisa umbono wakho ngobudlelwano futhi kungakwenza ungabaze ukuzibheka kwakho.
Ukuze udedele umshado omubi ngendlela enempilo, kuwumqondo omuhle ngaso sonke isikhathi ukukhuluma nabangane bakho nomndeni wakho ukuze bakusize kule mizwa engemihle. Ukugcina ubungane obuhle kungaba yisihluthulelo sokuzizwa ungcono ngawe. Kuzokusiza ekwamukeleni ukuphela komshado wakho.
4. Gxila empilweni yakho
Uma uke wazitshela ukuthi umshado wakho usuphelile futhi awazi ukuthi wenzeni, kungaba umqondo omuhle ukuzama futhi ukulawula ukuphila kwakho njengomuntu. Gxila emuva ezintweni ozilibazisayo, hlola umhlaba okuzungezile, phishekela izinkanuko zakho noma sebenzela ekufezeni izifiso zakho.
Kudingeka uzame ukuphila futhi ukuze ubone ukuthi isinqumo sakho sokuyeka umshado omubi sikuvumele ukuba ujabule futhi.
Ukuzama ukuba umuntu wakho futhi kuyindlela enhle yokuqala ukwamukela ukuphela komshado wakho.
5. Zijayeze
Uzozizwa usengozini kakhulu okungenani isikhathi esithile ngemva kokuqeda umshado. Akuwona umsebenzi olula dedela umlingani uyathanda. Ngalesi sikhathi, udinga ukuqaphela ukuthi kufanele ubeke inhlalakahle yakho engokwengqondo nengokwenyama ngaphezu kwakho konke okunye.
Yilapho ukuzinakekela kungena khona.
Ukuzinakekela ukwenza lokho ofuna ukukwenza ukuze uzizwe ungcono ngawe. Ukuthola indlela yokwenza isimo sakho samanje sibekezeleleke kakhudlwana kuyokusiza kakhulu ukuba wamukele umshado wakho usuphelile.
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6. Zibekele imigomo ethile
Noma yimuphi umuntu, oshadile noma ongashadile, kudingeka abe nemigomo ecacile neqondile angathanda ukuyifinyelela. Ukuba nemigomo noma ukuzibekela izindinganiso kungasiza ekuqedeni umshado omubi. Ukusebenzela ukufeza izinhloso zakho kuzokunikeza ukuhleleka okuthile kanye nokujwayelekile kulokho obekungaba yisikhathi esinzima kakhulu.
Uma umshado wakho usuphelile futhi ungazi ukuthi wenzeni, ukuzama ukuthola umgomo ongafinyeleleka kungakusiza ukuba wamukele ukuthi umshado usuphelile.
7. Khumbula ukuthi usakholelwa othandweni
Ngemva kokuqeda umshado, kungase kube nzima ukukholelwa othandweni okwesikhashana. Kodwa uthando luza ngezindlela eziningi. Lukhona uthando lomaqondana olungashuba futhi lukwenze ujabule. Kukhona uthando lomngane olungakusiza ukhululeke futhi likukhumbuze ukuthi ungubani. Bese kuba khona ukuzithanda okukufundisa ukuthi uzazise wena.
Bonke ubudlelwano buletha uhlobo oluhlukile lothando empilweni yakho.
Nakuba ungase ukuthole kunzima ukushintsha uthando olulahlekele kumlingani wakho, ukuzivumela ukuthi usamthanda kungakwenza ukwazise ukuphila kakhulu.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzilungiselela kangakanani ngokwengqondo lesi siphetho, awukwazi ukudambisa igalelo elivela ekupheleni komshado. Uma usukwazi ukwamukela ukuthi umshado wakho usuphelile, yilapho kuphela ungaqala khona inqubo yokuphulukisa futhi uqale isahluko esisha empilweni yakho. Ukuqhubekela phambili uma umshado wakho usuphelile kuzothatha isikhathi kodwa ungakwenza.
Nakuba umshado wakho ungase ube yingxenye ebaluleke kakhulu yokuphila kwakho, awukona ukuba yikho konke nokuphila kwakho konke. Uma kwenzeka ungakwazi ukuthuthuka kulokhu, ukuya ekwelashweni kungakusiza ukucubungula imizwa yakho. Manje usungafuna usizo lochwepheshe nesiqondiso ngokuchofoza inkinobho.
Imibuzo Evame Ukubuzwa
Kumele uqale uvume indlela ozizwa ngayo, bese uqaphela ukuthi noma nihlala ndawonye injabulo izonibalekela, yemukele ukuthi wena nophathina wakho ninakho. sahlukana phakathi futhi ugxile empilweni yakho entsha ngesimo sengqondo esihle.
Uma niphila njengabantu ababili abahlukene ngaphansi kophahla olulodwa, ukucabanga ngomlingani wakho kuyakuqeda amandla, uma nindawonye anisakhulumi nhlobo noma niyalwa futhi kungenzeka ukuthi nomlingani wakho uyakopela. Uma ucabanga ukwehlukanisa kakhulu uzokwazi ukuthi umshado wakho usuphelile.
Isinyathelo sokuqala kufanele kube ukwamukela ukuthi sekuphelile. Uthatha usizo lomndeni nabangane ukuze uziveze, ungakhetha nokwelulekwa. Zibekele imigomo emisha futhi umatasa ngezinto ozilibazisa nezithakazelo.
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Umnikelo wakho awuhlanganisi inhlangano esiza abantulayo umnikelo. Izovumela i-Bonobology ukuthi iqhubeke nokukulethela ulwazi olusha nolwakamuva emzamweni wethu wokusiza noma ubani emhlabeni ukuthi afunde ukwenza noma yini.
