Te Tikanga o te Toka Hina: Te Tikanga, Ngā Tikanga, Me Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakamahi Whai Hua

Whakaarohia he toka hina. Kua kite koe i tōna āhua pōuri, kore ora? Ā, he mahi tāna? Āe, kāo! Kei runga noa iho i te whenua, āe, koinā. Ko te tikanga toka hina he whakaata noa i tēnei mauri. Pērā i te toka hina, ka karo te tangata e whakamahi ana i te tikanga i te kitenga, ā, ka karo i ngā tāngata kino.

He aha te tikanga o te whiu hina i tētahi? Āe, i roto i tēnei tikanga, ko te tangata e whakahaeretia ana ka puta he āhua kore aro, he āhua kore tauhohe, pērā i te toka hina. Kāore te toka hina e mamae, e toto rānei ina whakararuraruhia. Nō reira, mā tēnei tikanga, ko te tangata kua pāngia e te tukino, e te tukino rānei a te tangata whakahihi, ka puta he āhua kore aro, he āhua noho puku, hei neke noa i te aro o te tangata whakahihi i a rātou. Ā tōna wā, ka whakatika te tangata whakahihi i ōna ara.

He aha te pānga ki te hauora hinengaro o te tangata whakahihi? I roto i tēnei tuhinga, ka ngana tātou ki te tūhura i ngā āhuatanga maha o te waiata hina-rock ki te tangata whakahihi, me te āwhina a te tohunga hinengaro me te kaiwhakaora whanonga hinengaro o California, a Tākuta Shefali Batra (MD in Psychiatry), he tohunga ki te tohutohu mō te wehenga me te whakarere, te wehenga me te whakaipoipo, me ngā take hototahi i mua i te marena. Ka kitea hoki e tātou i roto i ngā horopaki ka whai hua te waiata hina-rock, me te titiro ki ētahi tauira urupare ki te waiata hina-rock hei āwhina i a tātou ki te whakahaere pai i ā tātou whanaungatanga.

He aha te Tikanga Toka Hina?

Nō reira, ko te tikanga "Green Rock" he huarahi noa iho hei aukati i te tangata e pāngia ana e te mate hinengaro whakahihi kei aro atu koe. He tikanga anō hoki tēnei hei aukati i ngā tāngata kino. E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Batra, "He kupu hou te tikanga "Green Rock". I puta ake i te tekau tau kua pahure ake nei, ahakoa kua whakamahia kētia i mua. E hangai ana ki te whakaaro ko ngā tāngata whakahihi e mahi ana i tā rātou mahi hei kohi aro. Ki te mutu tā rātou aro atu mō ā rātou whanonga kino, arā, ko te tauhohenga kare ā-roto, ka mutu te whanonga. Ko te whakaaro ko te tapahi i te tuku whakahihi. Kātahi ka kore he hiahia ki te whakaatu i taua whanonga ki te patunga."

Ā, āhea te wā e tino whai hua ai tēnei tikanga? E ai ki te kōrero tika a Chained_Escapist, he kaiwhakamahi Reddit , ka taea e koe te tapahi i tētahi tangata whakahihi ina he tauhou taua tangata. Engari, me pēhea mēnā ko te tangata whakahihi he tangata e mōhio ana koe? Me pēhea ngā hoa aroha tukino, ngā tāngata rānei e kore e taea e koe te mawhiti, pērā i ō hoa mahi, i tō rangatira rānei? Te āhua nei ko te whakaipoipo i te tangata te huarahi pai ki te whakatau i tēnei āhuatanga.

Engari me pēhea te mahi a te hinengaro o te toka hina, me te rerekētanga o te toka hina mai i te whakahāwea (te āhua puku rānei o te tangata whakahihi ki te tangata e hiahia ana rātou ki te whakahaere)? He rerekētanga kei waenganui i ngā mea e rua? Ka tūhuratia e tātou ngā āhuatanga e rua:

Te pakitara kōhatu me te toka hina

Nō reira, ahakoa he tino pai te whakakorikori hina, te whakakorikori rānei, ki te tangata whakahihi, ki te tangata paitini rānei, ko te whakakorikori te mahi a te hunga whakahihi hei kukume i te aro. He rerekē te tikanga o te kohatu hina i te whakakorikori i te mea:

• Ka āwhina i a koe ki te wareware i te tangata whakahihi, i te tangata kino rānei: Ina whakahē koe i tētahi tangata whakahihi, kaua e tukua kia pā mai ki a koe, nā te mea he noho puku koe ki a rātou. Hei tauira, ina hiahia tētahi hoa whakahihi kia waiho e koe tāna kaupapa hei kaupapa matua, ā, ka tīmata te tautohetohe, ka taea e koe te wehe atu i te rūma, me te kī "Āe! Ahakoa pēhea." Ko te whakahē, i tētahi atu taha, ko te wā e kati rawa ai te tangata whakahihi i a koe, mā te whakamahi i te wāhangu, hei whakahaere i a koe, hei whiu rānei i a koe mō te kore e mahi i runga i ā rātou hiahia.
• Ka ārai i a koe kei mimiti i te tukino: Mā te ārai hina, hei karo i te tangata whakahihi, i te tangata kino rānei, ka āwhina i a koe ki te ārai i te tukino. Ko te ārai kohatu, i tetahi atu ringa, e pā ana ki te tukino, nā te mea ka āwhina i te tangata whakahihi, i te tangata tukino kare ā-roto rānei ki te whakamahi i ō kare ā-roto hei whakatutuki i tā rātou e hiahia ana.
• Ka puta tēnei ina whara koe i te tangata whakahihi: Ka ārai koe i te tangata ina whara koe i ā rātou mahi, ehara i te mea e hiahia ana koe ki te whara i tētahi. Ina ārai koe i tētahi, ko tō kaupapa he whara i te tangata kē. He mekameka tauhohenga tēnei o te mamae hohonu kua pā ki tētahi tangata whakahihi i tētahi atu āhuatanga.

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E ai ki a Richard Persen , he kaiwhakamahi Quora , ko te hunga e whakamahi ana i te aukati i a rātou anō (ina koa ko te hunga whakahihi) kua kino ake te āhua o te raruraru i ngā wā o mua mā te ngana ki te whakatau i aua raruraru. Nō reira, ka whakamahi rātou i te wāhangu hei karo i tētahi āhuatanga kāore e whai hua mō rātou.

Te mahi a te tikanga me te hunga whakahihi

E kī ana a Tākuta Batra, "He mea nui kia mōhio he rerekētanga i waenga i te wehe atu i te tangata whakahihi me te whai wāhi atu, engari kāore e aro atu. He mate pāwera hoki te wehe atu nā te mea ka kaha ake te mana o te tangata whakahihi. Kātahi ka mōhio rātou he pānga tō rātou ki a koe."

"Mō te hunga e wehe ana hei tiaki i ō rātou ake hinengaro me te hauora, he mahi tika tēnei. Engari, ahakoa rā, kāore tonu i te kiia ko te tikanga toka hina. He tukanga hohe te toka hina." Nō reira, kāore te toka hina e uru ki te tapahi i ngā hononga katoa ki te tangata whakahihi, nā te mea ka meinga pea rātou kia whakaaro kei te toa rātou. Ko te hononga toka hina, inaa, ka whakapoauau i te hunga whakahihi.

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Nā, he aha te mea ka puta ina kore koe e aro ki tētahi kaikōrero? Mā te whakaatu ki a rātou kāore koe e aro ki ā rātou kēmu hinengaro , mā te pupuri rānei i a koe kia matara atu i ngā āhuatanga whakakōrero e hiahia ana rātou kia uru atu koe, ka āwhina koe i ngā tāngata whakahihi ki te tirotiro i ā rātou whanonga. I te wā roa, ka āwhina te huri hina i te tangata whakahihi ki te ora ake, nā te mea ka iti ake te aro e whiwhihia ana e rātou, ka iti ake te tūponotanga ki te ngana ki te aro mai. Ka mutu, ka ngaro te hiahia ki te whakakōrero i a koe.

5 Ngā Wāhanga Ka Taea e Koe te Whakamahi i te Tikanga Grey Rock hei Tiaki i a Koe Anō

Nā, kua mōhio koe ki te tikanga o te "gray rocking" me tōna āhua hanga, ehara i te mea tinihanga, ka tirohia ētahi tauira o te tikanga "gray rock". Anei ētahi āhuatanga ka taea e tēnei tikanga te āwhina i a koe ki te tiaki i a koe anō.

1. Ina whakaititia koe e tetahi

Nā, kei te pāti koe, ā, ka karangahia koe e tō hoa whakapehapeha he 'wahine' nā te mea kāore ia e hiahia ki te noho pōuri ki te pāti. Kāore e taea e koe te tautohetohe ki a rātou he hui ata pō āpōpō tāu. He mea nui ake tana whāngai Instagram ki a ia, ā, ka riri ia! Kāore ia e mataku ki te whakaeke i tō whakaaro nui ki a koe anō . Nā, me pēhea e ārai ai koe i a ia?

E mea ana a Tākuta Batra, "He maha ngā huarahi hei tauhohe ki tēnei. Ko tētahi o aua huarahi ko te whai i te ia o te wā, me te tuku noa kia pahemo. Ka taea hoki e koe te hanga i tētahi mea hei kata. Ka taea rānei e koe te kī pēnei, "Āe, ngā mihi mō te whakapuaki mai. Me huri au, ā, ka huri au." Pēnei, kāore koe e pōuri, koinei te mea e hiahiatia ana e te tangata whakapehapeha."

2. Ina ngana tetahi ki te whakahaere i a koe

Kia pono tātou! Mā te hoa rangatira e hiahia ana ki te whakahaere ka noho pōuri koe, ka ngaro hoki tō mana whakahaere. Nā te mea, me te mea kei muri tetahi atu e whakahaere ana i tō ao, he ngawari ki te whakaaro kei te ngaro katoa tō mana whakahaere. I roto i tēnei āhuatanga, he mea nui kia kitea me pēhea te whakahaere i tētahi hoa rangatira e hiahia ana ki te whakahaere.

Ka taea e koe te ārai i a rātou mā te karo i te whai wāhi atu ki te kōrero, te pātai atu rānei ki a rātou. E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Batra, "Kaua e whakauru atu, engari me mahi tonu i tāu e mahi nei. Me kī kāore koe i rongo i a rātou. Ā, ki te kōrero anō rātou, me kī atu, "Āe, he aha tāu i kōrero ai?" Ka tino uaua ki a rātou te whakahoki anō i te kōrero nā te mea ka whakama."

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3. Ina pāngia koe e te hara

Ko te whakama i roto i ngā whanaungatanga tētahi o ngā taputapu tino pai ki te tangata whakahihi. Nō reira, i whiriwhiria e koe te haere ki Bali mō tētahi hararei me ō hoa, engari i whakama koe e tō tāne i tō hokinga mai? Ki tana whakaaro me whakarērea e koe ngā pō o ō kōtiro, ā, me arotahi ki tō whānau. Kua tae ki te wā ki te tākaro i te tikanga Grey Rock me tō tāne.

Waihoki, tera pea ka whakama koe i ō mātua mō te whiriwhiri ki te noho tawhiti atu i tō kāinga tupu hei whakatairanga i tō mahi. Ina whakaaro koe ka tīmata ō kōrero ki te anga atu ki ēnei momo kaupapa, karohia mā te kī he pukumahi koe ki tētahi mea, ka kōrero rānei koe mō taua mea i tētahi atu wā.

4. Ina whakakāhia koe e tetahi

E whakamārama ana a Tākuta Batra, "Ina whakamātauria koe e te tangata whakahihi , ko te tikanga kei te pātai rātou mō tō mooni." Nō reira, me whakamahi koe i te tikanga "grey rock" me tō tāne ina ruarua ia i tō mahara, i tō pono rānei i roto i ngā āhuatanga uaua i hangaia e ia? Āe, āe! Nō reira, me pēhea e koe te whakahaere i tētahi tangata whai pānga hinengaro e whakamātauria ana e te tangata?

"Whakaahuahia he ohorere koe, ā, whakamāramahia tō tūnga. Whakamahia te tikanga "broken record", arā, me te whakahoki tonu i a koe anō kia kite te tangata kē atu i a koe he kaiako kura, ā, ko rātou he tamariki pōrangi kāore e mārama ki tāu e kōrero nei. Ko tā rātou whāinga he whakakā i a koe. Ā, ki te kore koe e whakakāhia, ko koe te toa!," te tāpiri a Tākuta Batra.

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5. Ina wehea koe i ō hoa, i tō whānau rānei

Ko tētahi taputapu nui e whakamahia ana e te hoa rangatira, e te tangata tukino rānei, ko te wehe i a koe i ō hoa aroha. Pērā ai, kāore he tangata hei whakawhirinaki atu māu ina he te āhua o te raruraru i waenganui i a kōrua. Waihoki, ka taea e rātou te aro atu ki a koe, ā, ka taea e rātou te mea i a koe kia mahi i tā rātou e pai ai mēnā kāore he hoa, he whānau rānei āu (he tangata tuatoru rānei) hei whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto.

Ko te whakamahi i te hina hei whakakorikori i a rātou te huarahi pai rawa atu hei whakatau i ēnei tāngata. Kaua e nui te kōrero mō ō mahere. Kaua e aro ki ā rātou tauhohenga.

Me pēhea te whakamahi pai i te whatu kohatu hina — 7 ngā tohutohu

Nā te mea kua mārama kē koe ki te tikanga o te ruku hina, me te āwhina o ngā tauira tikanga ruku hina kua whakahuatia ake nei, me whakaaro pea koe me pēhea te whakamahi i tēnei i roto i tō oranga o ia rā. Ka whakamāramahia e tēnei wāhanga me pēhea te whai hua o te tikanga ruku hina. Ahakoa he mātua tahi te tikanga ruku hina, he whakamahi rānei i te tikanga ruku hina me te hoa rangatira, ka uaua pea mēnā kāore koe e whakahaere tika i ngā mea. Nō reira, kei te hiahia koe ki te titiro ki ētahi tauira urupare ruku hina? Anei ngā tohutohu e whitu hei whakamahi pai i te hononga ruku hina ina kite koe i ngā tohu kei te ngana tetahi ki te whakapataritari i a koe:

1. Whakawhāitihia te wā e noho tahi ai me te tangata

Hei whakaora i a koe i te tukino whakahihi , he mea nui kia whakawhāitihia ō taunekeneke ki tētahi tangata whakahihi. Mena he mātua whakahihi, ngana ki te neke ki tētahi tāone hou. Mena he hoa mahi whakahihi, whakaritea tō tina, tō wā inu tī rānei i muri i tā rātou mahi. Kia mōhio ki tā rātou mahinga, ā, kaua e tūtaki ki a rātou.

2. Whakahaerehia o kare-a-roto

Ka taea e te tukino whakahihi te whakararuraru i te hinengaro. E kī ana a Tākuta Batra, "Kia mau tonu ō kare ā-roto. Kia maumahara kei te noho tēnei tangata hei whakakā i a koe, ā, e kore koe e whakakāhia." Ina hoki, te whakahaere i o kare-a-roto he mea tika kia kore ai e taea e te tangata whakapehapeha te whakamahi i a rātou hei whawhai ki a koe.
Hei tauira, ka whakamahia pea e te mātua whakapehapeha ō maharatanga o tō tamarikitanga hei whakahaere i a koe, ā, ka arahi pea tēnei ki te tukino kare ā-roto me te hinengaro. Kaua e taka ki roto i taua mahanga. Āta karohia ngā urupare kare ā-roto, me te whakamātau i te wehe i ngā kare ā-roto.

3. Kōrero mārire

Nō reira, kāore e taea te karo i tō rangatira, i tō teina rānei, e whakapehapeha ana, ā, me taunekeneke koe ki a rātou i ia rā. Me pēhea e taea ai e koe te whakahaere i tēnei āhuatanga me te kore e pāngia? E ai ki tā Tākuta Batra, "Kaua e uru ki tētahi pakanga ehara i te mea māu. Kāore koe e hiahia ki te tiaki i a koe anō, ki te tiaki rānei i a koe anō. Me whakaari noa koe he kuware koe, kaua e tauhohe." Anei ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi i roto i ēnei āhuatanga:

• A ape i te whakapiri kanohi
• Kia poto ā koutou kōrero, ā, whakautua mā te kupu kotahi, pērā i te "Āe" me te "Āhaan" rānei.
• Kaua e whakamārama i a koe anō, kaua hoki e tīmata i tētahi tautohe
• Kaua e whakautu ki ngā ngā mea tinihanga e kīia ana e rātou
• Kōrerohia ngā wāhi pārūrū koretake, pērā i te rangi, i te kiriata rānei
• Hurihia te kaupapa kōrero i ngā wā katoa mēnā ka tīmata rātou ki te riri. Ina hoki, whakamahia tō whakaaro, tō taiao rānei hei huri i te kaupapa o ā koutou kōrero.
• Ko ētahi o ngā tohutohu mō te tuku karere kuputuhi i roto i te tikanga Grey Rock ko te karo i te tuku karere kuputuhi tae noa ki te mutunga o tō rā mahi, te tuku karere kuputuhi rānei mā te whakamahi i tētahi, i ētahi kupu rānei.

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4. Kia tuwhera te whakaaro

He mea nui kia mārama ki ēnei āhuatanga mai i te tirohanga a te tangata whakahihi. Kaua e hohoro te whakahē, te whakapae rānei i a koe anō mō ​​te tauhohe i tētahi ara motuhake. Ka tāpiri atu a Tākuta Batra, "Kia mārama he aha te tangata whakahihi e whanonga ai i tētahi ara motuhake. Kia mōhio koe ehara i te mea hei whakaiti i a koe. Ehara i te mea mōu engari mō rātou. Nō reira, aroha ki a rātou mō ō rātou kaupapa, ā, tukua atu." Ko te mea nui, kia mahara kei te ora pea te tangata whakahihi i te tukino kare ā-roto. Whakaarohia tōna hauora hinengaro.

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5. Kaua e whakaatu i ngā mahere, i ngā mōhiohio whaiaro rānei

Nō reira, kei te 'mate' tonu tō tāne whakahihi i a koe e whakamahere ana i tētahi haerenga tari, kia taea ai e ia te whakakino i tāu mahere? Kaua e whakaatu i ō mahere i tētahi wā, kia kite ai mēnā ka pai ake. Inaa, ko te hunga whakahihi e rapu ana i te raruraru. Nō reira, kaua e hoatu he wā ki tētahi tangata tukino ki te waihanga raruraru mā te tūtaki ki a koe i te wāhi kāore koe e hiahia kia kite i a ia.

6. Kia pukumahi ki tētahi atu mea

Kia mōhio koe kei te ngana te tangata whakahihi ki te whakaroa i tētahi kōrero hei akiaki i a koe ki te whakautu, me wehe atu koe i te āhuatanga. Ki te mea he hoa, me kī he āhuatanga ohorere tōu, kātahi ka haere atu. Ki te mea he hoa mahi, me kī he mēra tere tōu hei whakautu.

7. Kaua e whakamahi i te toka hina tonu: Rapua he āwhina ngaio

Nā, he aha te mea ka puta ina tapahia e koe te pūtake o te whakapehapeha? Ko te tangata e pāngia ana e te mate whakapehapeha ka huri i ana whanonga paitini, ka riri rānei nā te mea kāore āna rautaki tukino e whai hua ana ki a koe. Me aha koe ina ngaro te mana whakahaere o te kaipahua? Ina kore e angitu āu rautaki whakakorikori hina katoa, ina kite rānei koe kāore te tangata whakapehapeha, te tangata tukino rānei e ora ana, me mahi i ētahi atu mahi nui. Kaua e wareware tonu ki a rātou mena ka kite koe i ngā tohu o te tūponotanga ohorere. Heoi anō, ehara tēnei tikanga i te otinga roa.

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He pai ake te āwhina i te tangata tinihanga kia whiwhi tohutohu hinengaro hei whakatika i tōna hauora hinengaro. I ngā take nui, pērā i te whakaeke tinana, te tutu ā-whare rānei, rapua he tautoko pāpori, me te kōrero ki ngā mana ture. Anei ētahi āhuatanga kāore e tika ana kia whakatenatenahia tēnei tikanga:

• Ki te whakatoi tetahi i a koe i te taha moepuku, i te taha hinengaro rānei
• Mena kei roto koe i tetahi hononga kino te wā e whakamahi ana tō hoa i te tutu tinana, i te whanonga pukuriri rānei
• Ki te ngana tētahi o mua ki te whakahaere i tō whanaungatanga o nāianei
• Mena ka whakawehi tetahi o mua ki te whakamomori, ki te whara tinana rānei i a ia anō
• Ki te mea kei te noho haumaru koe i te aroaro o te kaitukino, ā, ki te whakaaro ka taea e rātou te mahi tutu
• Ki te mea ka haurangi te tangata kua ruia ki te hina, ka mutu rānei tana kōrero

Mena kei roto koe i te mōrearea tonu, waea atu ki te 9-1-1. Mō te āwhina huna, huna hoki, 24/7, tēnā waea atu ki te National Domestic Violence Hotline i te 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) i te 1-800-787-3224 rānei (TTY).

Nō reira, he taputapu whai hua te tikanga ruku hina hei whakahaere i te hunga tukino me te whakahaere i ā rātou whanonga tinihanga. Ko te tumanako ka taea e koe te tautuhi i ngā āhuatanga e tika ana mō te ruku hina me te whakahaere i te tinihanga kare ā-roto, te whakaiti i te aroaro o te marea, me ētahi atu whanonga kino e whakaatuhia ana e te hunga whakapehapeha. Engari kia tino mohio kei huri koe hei taniwha, hei tangata tinihanga rānei, ka whara i te hinengaro o te tangata whakapehapeha. Nō reira, ruku hina, engari kaua e nui rawa!

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Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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