Me pēhea te whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga kino – 5 ngā huarahi pai rawa atu

He pukapuka ā mātou mō te marena, ā, he aroha ki te tuku mai i tētahi horopaki mō te āhua o ngā mea. Engari ina tae mai ki te whakahaere i ngā āhuatanga matua o ngā whanaungatanga o te ao tūturu, he maha ngā wā ka kitea mātou e kore e mōhio. Ina tīmata te hē o ngā mea, kāore he whakaaro o te tangata me pēhea te whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga kino.

Engari he aha te tikanga o taua kupu? Ko te whanaungatanga paitini he whanaungatanga e pāngia ana e te tukino hinengaro, tae noa ki te tukino tinana e pāngia ana e te tini o te tangata i ō rātou oranga katoa. He mea nui kia mōhio koe kāore e tika kia pērā. Ka taea e koe te whiriwhiri i te ratonga tohutohu utu nui, me te ako ki te whakaora me te ahu whakamua i te ara pai ake. He rite ngā whanaungatanga ki te kaupapa whakamātautau-me-te-hē mō te wa katoa, ā, ki te rite koe ki te nuinga o te hunga noa, tera pea kei te he koe i ētahi mea i a koe e whakahaere ana i aua mea.

E karakia ana tātou katoa ki te ariā rongonui o te aroha aroha, ā, kei reira te raruraru. He raruraru tēnei nā te mea he maha ngā whanonga whanaungatanga kino i ahu mai i te ariā rongonui o te 'aroha aroha' i ahu mai i te ahurea. Kāore koe e mōhio ana engari kua noho noa iho ēnei ki tētahi taumata kino.

Kei te kōrero mātou mō ēnei mea katoa me ētahi atu mea anō hoki me te tohunga hinengaro tohutohu. Gopa Khan (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro Tohutohu, M.Ed), he tohunga ki te tohutohu marena me te whānau. Kei konei ia hei whakamārama i ngā āhuatanga maha o ngā whanaungatanga kino me ngā huarahi hei whakaora i a koe i aua āhuatanga.

He aha te whanaungatanga paitini?

E mōhio ana koe ko te aroha koretake i kīia mai ki a tātou he mea noa, he aroha hoki? Ko te momo aroha e pakaru ai te ipu ki te pakitara i roto i te riri me te tangi; e kī ana he pai ki te whakahaere i te hoa nā te mea kāore ia e whakaae ki tō whakaaro mō te mea tika. Ko te taahiraa tuatahi ki te whakaora i tētahi whanaungatanga kino ko te wetewete i tēnei whakaaro katoa.

E whakamārama ana a Gopa, "Ka whakaromantia e tātou ngā mea katoa. Te hae, te riri, te whakatoi, ngā kēmu whakapae...engari ka kino tonu ēnei i te whanaungatanga. Kāore e rua ngā huarahi mō tēnā. Ko te ngā whanaketanga o te tukino he uaua pea te mārama i ētahi āhuatanga, engari ko tō kawenga te tautuhi me te mahi ki runga i aua āhuatanga.”

Nā te āhua tawhito o te whanaungatanga, he maha ngā wā ka whanonga kino tātou i roto i te whanaungatanga, me te whakaaro he mea noa, he mea aroha rānei. Ko te mea pono, tera pea ka patua te hononga e ēnei i ia wā, i ia wā. Nā te whakaaro kua mau tonu, ka ngaro katoa te tirohanga ki ngā āhuatanga pai o te whanaungatanga hauora.

Hei whakamārama i tētahi whanaungatanga kino, me whakamārama tuatahi tātou i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora. I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, kei reira te tohatoha me te manaaki, me te wairua o te oranga me te harikoa i roto i ngā whakatutukitanga a te hoa. Kei reira te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i runga i te tūnga ōrite, te māramatanga me te hiahia ki te whakatau i ngā rerekētanga i runga i te rangimarie. Ka tupu koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora, ā, ka pāngia koe e ngā kare ā-roto pai. Engari i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? Me titiro tātou ki ngā tohu…

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Nga Tohu o te Whanaungatanga Toxic

E kī ana a Gopa, "Ko te tukino te tohu o ngā whanaungatanga kino. He maha ngā momo tukino; ko te mea tino kitea ko te tukino ā-whare/tinana. Ka pāngia hoki koe e te tukino kare ā-roto, hinengaro rānei, he uaua ake te kite. Ka puta ētahi momo whanaungatanga kino ina whakaipoipo ana te tangata i tētahi tangata kua warangahia. I ngā wā katoa, he tohu kei a koe ētahi e whakaatu ana i te kino o te tarukino. hononga whero haki i roto i tētahi āhua o te kōrero.”

Anei ngā tohu e rima o tētahi whanaungatanga kino hei āwhina i a koe ki te tātari pai ake i tō āhuatanga. Tērā pea ka whai pānga tētahi, ētahi rānei ki tō whanaungatanga:

• Te tukino ā-tinana, ā-waha rānei: Ka mahia tēnei e te hoa hei whakatū i te mana whakahaere me te mana. Ka whakamahia te kaha nanakia hei whakatutuki i te hiahia o te tangata i roto i tētahi āhuatanga. Ka piki haere ngā pakanga me ngā tautohetohe, ā, ka whara te tinana o tētahi o ngā hoa.
• Te korenga o ngā rohe: Te korenga o ngā rohe whanaungatanga hauora, he mea nui hoki mō te whakahaere pai o te oranga tahi i waenganui i te tokorua.
• gaslightingTe tinihanga i tētahi hoa hei whakakore i ōna wheako, i ōna kare ā-roto rānei. E mōhiotia whānuitia ana tēnei ko te 'whakapouri i te hara' te 'whakamataku kare ā-roto rānei'.
• Te whakahaere i te whanonga: Ngā raruraru nui o te mana whakahaere e puta mai ana i roto i te ahua o te hae. Ka whakatakoto here tetahi hoa i tetahi atu i roto i ngā wāhanga rerekē o te ao.
• Ngā aura whakahihi: Te whakapehapeha o tētahi o ngā hoa, o ngā hoa tokorua rānei, ka hua ake he hononga papaku rawa, ā,/ka puta tonu rānei te waku.
• Te korenga o ngā kōrero tuwhera: A te kore o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero i roto i te whanaungatanga nā ngā whakataunga e peia ana e te whakapehapeha.

Ka taea te whakaora i ngā whanaungatanga kino?

He taea ngā mea katoa i raro i te rā. Ā, ka taea te whakaora i tētahi whanaungatanga paitini. He maunga toka te piki, ā, me nui te mahi a ngā hoa tokorua. I te nuinga o te wā, he nui ake te mahi a tētahi i tētahi.

E ai ki tā Gopa, "Nā te mea ka whakaarohia te tukino, ko te nuinga o te wā ko tētahi hoa e mamae ana nā tētahi atu. Ko te tangata e mamae ana ka whakatau ki te tū atu ki te rapu āwhina, ki te whakaora rānei. I roto i tēnei āhuatanga, ka taea e koe te whakaora mēnā kei te rite te hoa rangatira/hoa kino ki te tango i te kawenga mō ā rātou mahi. Mēnā kei te mōhio koe kei te hē ngā mea, kāti ka taea te ora i tētahi whanaungatanga kino."

Nō reira, ko tā tātou mahi tuatahi: Te whakaae ki te raruraru. Ko te tuarua ko te tautoko i te mōhiotanga hinengaro me ngā mahi. Ka taea e te whakaora a te tokorua me ngā mahi takitahi te āwhina i a koe me tō hoa. ora mai i ngā whanaungatanga paitiniE ai ki te whakaaro nui a Art Williams, "Kāore au e kī atu ana he ngāwari noa iho — engari e kī atu ana au he pai te hua."

He torutoru ngā rautaki (tirohia ēnei hei tohutohu mō te whanaungatanga kino) hei āwhina i a koe i te huarahi. Whakamahia ēnei ki tō oranga me te āwhina ngaio, mā te āwhina takitahi rānei. E tino mōhio ana ahau koinei tonu te mea e hiahiatia ana e koe.

5 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakatika i tētahi Hononga Paitini

I ētahi wā ka tīmata ngā hoa e rua ki te mahi i ngā mea e arahi ana i a rāua ki te noho kino i roto i te whanaungatanga. Ka mutu, ka riri rāua tetahi ki tetahi, ka whakaara ake i ngā take tawhito i roto i te pakanga, ā, ka ngana ki te whai mana i roto i te whanaungatanga mā te rapu utu i te wā iti rawa. Anei ngā tohu matua e rima o te whanaungatanga kino me karo e koe i ngā huarahi katoa:

1. Me pēhea te tīmata whakaora i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? Kati te pupuri i te kaute

Āe, i rite ia ki tētahi kuware kore aro i te rā whānau o tō hoa i ngā tau e toru kua pahure ake nei, engari he tino huihuinga nui rawa atu tēnei, ā, me whakamahara tonu koe i a ia i ia wiki? Tērā pea ka tūtaki ia ki tētahi o ō kōrerorero ipurangi e whakaatu ana i te ngā tohu ngawari o te takaroHe paru anō hoki tōna i a koe.

Kei te kite koe i te raruraru? Mā ​​te pupuri i ngā kaute i roto i ngā whanaungatanga ka waiho ia tautohetohe hei pakanga e ngana ana koe ki te toa mā te keri i ngā hapa o mua. Ki te mea kei te ngana koe ki te rapu huarahi hei whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga kino, whakamutua tēnei whanonga koretake. Kia ara ake i ēnei tātaitanga iti hei mahi i te mahi nui e hiahiatia ana e tētahi hononga.

"Ko ngā rohe te tūāpapa o te whakaute; whakatakotoria, whakahonoretia, ā, mātakitaki i te huringa o te whanaungatanga."

Hei karo i te paitini, hoki whakamuri

He torutoru nei ngā rautaki hei whakamutu i te whawhai me tō hoa. He tikanga kino rawa te pupuri kaute; ka taea te karo mā te whai whakaaro nui mai i a koe.

• Hoki whakamuri: Me whakamahi te tangata i te whakaaro nui. Mena kei te whakaeke whaiaro tō hoa, kei te kōrero anō rānei i ngā wāhanga o mua, kaua e taka ki roto i te mahanga. Mā te manawa hōhonu me te tawhiti ka taea te mahi whakamiharo.
• Arotahi anō ki te wā o nāianeiTahurihia te aro o tō hoa ki ētahi atu mea. Ina pupuri tetahi i ngā kaute, kei te aro tonu rātou ki ngā mea o mua. Kawea te aro o tō hoa ki te take e pā ana ki a koe.
• Kati te whakaara ake i ngā take o muaAhakoa te tika o aua whakaeke ki tō hinengaro, kāore e tika ana, ā, kāore hoki i te tika.

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2. Kati te whakatoi kare ā-roto – Tohutohu whanaungatanga paitini

He aha atu ngā tohu o tētahi whanaungatanga kino? He mea nui te whakatoi kare ā-roto. Ā, he mea morearea anō hoki. Ki te mea he tangata koe e titiro ana ki ngā raruraru whanaungatanga katoa hei raruraru herekore, ā, he mea e puta ai he raruraru koretake, me āta tirotiro koe i tāu e mahi ana ki tō hoa.

Kāore au e kī ana kia kaua e kōrerotia ō whakaaro kino, ō āwangawanga rānei ki a rātou, engari kaua e whakamahi i te whakatoi kare ā-roto hei ārai i ngā whakahē me ngā amuamu iti katoa. Me whakapuaki pono te take o tō pouri, engari me mahi pēnā me te kore whakahē me te kore whakawehi.

E kōrero ana a Gopa mō te taha pōuri o te whakatoi, "Ko te whakawehi i tō hoa ehara i te otinga, engari he tohu tonu o te putea kare kei tō taha. E tohu ana hoki i te hiahia ki te whakahaere i ngā mea ki te taumata kino. Ko ngā rerenga kōrero penei – Ki te kore koe e mahi i te xyz, ka mahi ahau i te abc, kāore anō kia āwhina i tētahi. Kāore koe i te rerekē.”

Me pēhea te mutu o te whakawehi i tō hoa aroha ki ngā kare ā-roto?

He uaua tonu te aro atu ki te hauātanga, ki te mahi tinihanga rānei. Engari anei ētahi mea hei āwhina:

• Kaua e whakahaere i tō hoa: Kāore i te tika te whakawhāiti i ngā kare ā-roto me te herekoretanga o tō hoa mā te kī tonu atu ki a rātou te nui o tō pouri i roto i ō kare ā-roto nā tetahi mea i mahia e rātou. Kia mārama ki ngā hua o āu mahi.
• Whakaarohia te arotake: I tētahi atu taha, ki te mea ko koe te tangata e tukinotia ana i roto i ō kare ā-roto, kaua e whakamahi i ngā mahi tinihanga a tō hoa. E iwa i roto i te tekau, he mea huna te mahi tinihanga hei aroha.
• Whakawhiti marama: He tauira tonu kei roto i te whakatoi kare ā-roto me arotake e koe. Whakatikahia tēnei tauira mā te kōrero tuwhera. Ka taea hoki e koe te rapu awhina i tētahi tohunga hei wawaotanga.

3. Kati te pupuri i tō hoa rangatira hei kawenga mō tō āhua kare ā-roto

Nō reira, he rā pōuri tōu i te mahi, ā, ko tāu noa iho he hoki ki te kāinga ki te awhi i tō hoa. Engari kua whakaritea e rātou he mahere me ā rātou hoa, ā, kua haere ki waho mō te pō. Kāore koe i kōrero tika ki tō hoa mō ō tumanakohanga, mō ō kare ā-roto rānei. Heoi anō, i whakaaro koe ka pānui makutu rātou i tō hinengaro, ā, ka tino aroha ki te whakatika i tō wairua.

Hei whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga kino, me mōhio koe ehara tō hoa i te kawenga mō ō kare ā-roto i ngā wā katoa, ā, ko te ritenga kē. He tauira matarohia tēnei o te noho i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga whakawhirinaki tahi ehara i te mea he whanaungatanga pai mō te tokorua. Kia tū motuhake, kia ū hoki ki a koe anō.

Whakaaetia ō kare ā-roto mō te whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga kino

Me pēhea te whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? Mā te mōhio ko ngā tāngata hauora te hunga e hanga ana i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora. Kei a koe te kawenga mō tō ake oranga, me te oranga o te whanaungatanga anō hoki. Anei ngā mea ka taea e koe te mahi:

• Whakaaroaro: Kaua e whakapae i tō hoa, engari pātai atu ki a koe anō he aha koe i pērā ai ngā kare ā-roto. Me whai kawenga mō ō kare ā-roto me tō āhuatanga.
• Kia tū motuhake: Whakaaetia ko te whakawhirinaki ki tō hoa mō ō hiahia kare ā-roto katoa he tohu o tētahi whanaungatanga kino. Me aro atu koe ki ngā raruraru o te ao. Ka taea e te tangata te tautoko, engari kāore he tangata hei whawhai i ō pakanga mōu.
• Kimihia he huarahi hei tuku i te mamae: Whakaputaina ōu ake kare ā-roto. Haere ki te whare takaro, tākaro hākinakina, me te pupuri i ngā hononga pāpori i waho o tō whanaungatanga aroha.

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4. Ka taea e koe te whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? Āe… Kati te hono i te hae ki te aroha

Ki te mea kei te ngana koe ki te whakamārama i tō hae hei aroha, he tino paitini koe i roto i te whanaungatanga. Kua tae ki te wā ka tīmata koe ki te mahi pērā i te pakeke, ka mōhio koe ehara i te mea tino ataahua te hae. E kī ana a Gopa, "He mea noa te hae, engari kāore e tika kia whakamaoritia taua kare ā-roto ki ngā mahi whakahaere. He tohu pono te hae o te koretake o te whanaungatanga"Kaua koe e aro ki te aroturuki i ngā taunekeneke a tō hoa."

Ina kōrero tō hoa, ina menemene mai, ina pā mārire mai, ina tihe mai rānei ki tētahi o te ira tangata kē, ā, ka riri koe ki a rātou hei whakahaere i ā rātou whanonga, kāore e whakaatu ana i te kaha o tō aroha. Ka meinga noa koe hei tangata porangi, kāore e nui te whakawhirinaki ki te whanaungatanga, ā, e pai ana ki te karanga i ngā pakanga koretake hei whakahaere i te hoa rangatira.

"He mea hopuhopu te whakaaro pai; mā ngā mahi iti o te aroha me te maioha ka taea te whakaoho anō i te mura me te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki."

Kaua e tukua te hae kia whakamate i tētahi whanaungatanga

Nga take whakawhirinaki ka taea te whakamate i tētahi hononga e whai tikanga ana ki a koe. He mea nui kia mārama ki te kaha o te hae kino me te kino ka pā mai:

• Whakaaetia te pono: Ki te kore e taea e koe te whakahaere i tō hae, kei te whakahaere koe i tō hoa mā te hae. He pōma pono kino tēnei, engari he pai ake kia whakaaetia tonutia.
• He paitini te hae: Ka pana noa atu te hoa hae i te hoa kē, ā, ka kino te whanaungatanga. Ahakoa te āhua aroha o te hae i ngā wāhanga tuatahi, ka tere tonu te huri hei tūmomo mōrearea.
• Mahihia aua take whakawhirinaki: Hangaia te whakawhirinaki me te haumaru ki tō hoa. Ki te hiahia koe ki te āwhina ngaio, whakapā atu ki tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro. He uaua te ora i tētahi whanaungatanga kino.

5. Kati te utu i ngā raruraru whanaungatanga ki te harikoa ā-taonga

Ki te mea kei te whakaaro koe me pēhea te whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga kino, kia mōhio koe ehara te hokohoko i te otinga. Ki te mea ka whakatikahia e kōrua tētahi pakanga kino mā te hokohoko nui, mā te haere tahi rānei i tētahi haerenga utu nui, me mutu ināianei tonu. I te ao tūturu, kāore e taea te whakatika i ngā raruraru whanaungatanga tūturu mā te ngahau noa iho.

Ae, he koha nui rawa atu ka hari ai tātou – mō te 10 meneti pea. Ki te mea he koha nui, he haora pea. Engari kātahi? Mā te huna i te raruraru tūturu e kore e whakakore i te raruraru. Kōrerohia. Whakatauhia te raruraru, ā, mahi ki te hanga anō i te whanaungatanga. Ko tō hoa pai i tēnei wāhanga ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero.

E whakamārama ana a Gopa, "Ko te mea tuatahi ka kitea e te kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro, e te kaiwhakaora hinengaro rānei, ko te tauira whakawhitiwhiti kōrero a te tokorua. Nā te mea he mea tino nui te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero… Ina ora koe i tētahi whanaungatanga kino, me whakarongo koe ki tō hoa. Ko te manawanui, te pono, me te aro nui ngā mea e hiahiatia ana e koe." Nga raruraru korero "Ko rātou te tino aituā."

Whakamātauria ngā raruraru me tō hoa rangatira

Mā te mahi tahi ka angitu te moemoeā, ko te moemoeā i tēnei wā ko te whakaora i tētahi whanaungatanga kino. Ko te tuku koha he huarahi ki te whakatau i ngā kare ā-roto i roto i te huarahi papaku rawa. Nō reira, he aha tāu e taea ai te mahi?

• Hoatu, tangohia: Kōrerohia ō kare ā-roto, me te whakaae ki ngā āwangawanga a tō hoa. Whakaarohia ō rātou whakaaro, ā, whakapuakihia ōu ake whakaaro i roto i te huarahi poto, kāore hoki i te tino whakaari.
• Whaia ngā mahi: Me kite ngā hoa e rua i ngā hapa o te whanaungatanga, ā, me whakapau kaha ki te whakatika i ō rāua ara. (He pono, koinei te tohutohu pai rawa atu mō te whanaungatanga kino.)

Nō reira, ki te whakaaro koe kei te mahi koe i tētahi, i ētahi rānei o ēnei mea kino i roto i tō whanaungatanga, kua tae ki te wā ki te mutu me te arotake anō i ngā mea i mua i te horapa nui rawa o te paitini. Ehara i te mea uaua te hanga i tētahi whanaungatanga pai ake mēnā ka kitea e koe ngā tohu i mua i te wā, ā, ka mahi ki te hanga i tētahi taiao hauora mōu me tō hoa.

Te whakautu ki Ka taea e koe te whakatika i tētahi whanaungatanga kino? he ĀE nui. He maha ngā tāne me ngā wāhine kua puta ake i te whanaungatanga kino mā te rapu āwhina ngaio. He rōpū kaiwhakaora me ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro raihana a Bonobology, he pāwhiri kei konei mātou hei tautoko i a koe.

Ngā Whakaaro Whakamutunga mō te Karanga ki te Mahi mō ngā Kaiwhakaora

Kāore e tika kia waiho te whanaungatanga kino hei mutunga mō te huarahi. Mā te whakapau kaha, te māramatanga o te katoa, me te tautoko o waho i ētahi wā, ka taea te whakaora i ngā whanaungatanga me te hanga anō hei hononga hauora, whai hua hoki. Kia maumahara he mahi tā ngā hoa e rua ki te whakatairanga i te huringa, ā, ka tīmata mā te tuwhera, te pono, me te hiahia ki te whakapai ake.

Ki te mea kei te raru koe i te whakatere i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kino, Tērā pea ko tā mātou whakaora ngaio te tino pūtake o te huringa. Mā te rongoā hinengaro ka taea e koe te tūhura i ō kare ā-roto, te whakawhanake i ngā pūkenga whakawhitiwhiti kōrero whai hua, me te mahi tahi i ngā take matua. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakaora, engari ka taea—ā, he pai te whakapau kaha.

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