7 Ngā Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga mō te Whakamutu i te Whakahaere i roto i te Hononga

Ko Mabel, he kairangahau 28-tau te pakeke, te mea tino nui ki a ia te herekoretanga. Heoi, i roto i tana whanaungatanga whakamutunga, neke atu i te rua tau te roa, ka neke haere ana kaupapa matua, kāore ia i te mōhio. E mea ana ia, "Kāore au i te mōhio i taku tukunga atu i taku herekoretanga nā te whanonga whakahaere a taku hoa o mua. He tangata tino hiahia ki te whakahaere, ā, he nui te wehi i roto i ahau." Kāore i a ia te mōhio ki a ia anō hei mārama me pēhea te mutu i te whakahaeretia i roto i te whanaungatanga.

Kāore a Mabel i te mokemoke. He maha ngā whanaungatanga ka huri hei whakahaere nā te maha o ngā take pērā i te iti o te whakaaro ki a ia anō, te nekehanga o te whakaaro ki te kawenga, ngā wheako mamae, ngā wheako kino o mua rānei. Ahakoa pēhea, he mea nui kia mārama koe kāore ngā whanaungatanga whakahaere i te hauora, i te aroha rānei, ā, me mōhio koe me pēhea te whakatau i aua whanaungatanga.

I roto i tēnei tuhinga, ka kōrerohia e te tohunga hinengaro tohutohu mō te whara Anushtha Mishra (M.Sc., Counseling Psychology), he tohunga ki te whakarato rongoā mō ngā āwangawanga pēnei i te whara, ngā raruraru whanaungatanga, te pouri, te manukanuka, te pouri, me te mokemoke me ētahi atu, e tuhituhi ana mō te tikanga o te whanonga whakahaere, me pēhea te mōhio ki tēnā, me pēhea hoki te whakatau atu.

He aha te Whakahaere i te Whanoke?

Ka puta te mana whakahaere i te hiahia mō te mana hei whakahau, hei awe, hei kukume aho, hei tohutohu rānei, ā, he mea whakamataku. Ngā wāhine whakahaere rānei ka ngana ngā tāne ki te whakahaere katoa i ētahi atu me ngā āhuatanga. Ina pā te manukanuka ki te tangata, ka taea e rātou te whakamahi i ngā whanonga whakahaere hei pupuri i te mana whakahaere. I ētahi wā, he mahi tukino pea, pērā i te whakaū i te mana whakahaere.

Ko te hunga he "āhua whakahaere" te nuinga o te wā e akiakihia ana e te manukanuka kia noho haumaru ai. Tērā pea kāore i te mōhiotia e ētahi tāngata te hiahia ki te whakahaere. Heoi, mā te manukanuka ka meinga rātou kia whakaaro me whakahaere e rātou te taiao e karapoti ana i a rātou me ētahi atu kia mau tonu ai te āhua o te noho. I te nuinga o te wā, ko ngā huarahi whakahaere he tikanga hei whakatau i ngā wehi me ngā āwangawanga o te tangata.

Ahakoa tērā, he mea nui kia tūpato ina whakahaerehia koe e te hoa, nā te mea ka taea hoki te huri hei tukino. E ai ki te Te Whakanui Iwi Whenua Maori, ko te tukino ko te whakamahi i te mana me te whakahaere i tētahi atu tangata. Haunga te tukino tinana, ka puta anō hoki i te ahua o te tukino kare ā-roto, ā-waha, ā-pūtea rānei, me te whaiwhai e whakaoho ana i te wehi nui. Ehara ēnei whanonga i te mea onge i roto i ngā whanaungatanga piripono.

Ngā Tohu Kei te Whakahaerehia Koe i roto i te Hononga

He maha ngā huarahi e whakamahia ai e te hoa o nāianei te mana whakahaere i a koe, i tō hoa o mua rānei i mua. Tērā pea ka whakaaro te nuinga o tātou ka taea e tātou te kite i tētahi tangata he whanonga whakahaere mā te titiro noa ki a ia, mā te tū atu rānei i roto i te mano. Heoi, he whakaaro hē tēnei.

Ahakoa he āhua huna te whanonga whakahaere, he nui te mana o tēnei whanonga ki te hoa, ki te tangata rānei e whiwhi ana i te mana. Mēnā kei te taha koe o rātou, ki te whakama koe, ki te whakaiti rānei i a koe, kua tae ki te wā ki te hoki whakamuri, ki te whakaaro mēnā kei a rātou te mana whakahaere i a koe, me te nui o te mana whakahaere. Koinei te taahiraa tuatahi ki te rapu huarahi hei whakatau i te hunga whakahaere. Ko ētahi tohu o te whanonga whakahaere koia ēnei:

• Ko te mutunga iho, nāu te he
• Ka noho puku rātou ina kore ngā mea e pai ki a rātou
• Te whakahaere i ngā kōrero katoa, me te whakararuraru pinepine i a koe
• He mea noa te whakahē tonu
• Ka whakahaeretia koe e rātou, tae atu ki te whakamahi i te hau, te teka rānei kia tutuki ai tā rātou e pai ai
• He mea noa iho te whakamataku ki a rātou i ia rā, i ia rā
• E ngana ana rātou ki te whakarerekē i tō tuakiri
• E whakaatu ana rātou i ngā whanonga tukino, e whakahaere ana i tō herekoretanga me tō mana motuhake

He mea nui kia arotakehia mēnā kei te whakahaerehia koe i roto i tō whanaungatanga. Nā te mea he tukino i te pūtake. Mā te mōhio ki ēnei tohu ngawari, ki ngā tohu mārama rānei, ka taea ai e koe te mōhio mēnā me kōrero, me wehe atu rānei.

Te pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea te puta atu i tētahi whanaungatanga whakahaere – 8 ngā huarahi hei wehe atu

7 Ngā Tohutohu a ngā Tohunga mō te Whakamutu i te Whakahaere i roto i te Hononga

Me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi tangata whakahaere? He ngāwari ngā whakautu ki tēnei pātai. He uaua pea te whakatau i tētahi tangata whakahaere, me te kimi me pēhea te mutu te whakahaere i a ia anō i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Heoi, kei raro nei ētahi huarahi hei whakatau i tēnei āhuatanga, ā, ki te tika, me whakarērea atu hoki:

1. Kia tūpato ki ngā tohu

Ka ngāwari te whakakāhore ina kei roto koe i tētahi hononga whakahaere. Heoi, he mea whakaaro nui kia mōhio koe ki ngā tohu o taua mea, kia kite hoki i tō hoa rangatira mō tōna āhua tūturu. He mea nui hoki kia wehewehea mēnā he piripono noa iho, he pōuri rānei, he āwangawanga mō tō oranga, he whakahaere rānei i ngā āhuatanga katoa o tō oranga me te kore e whai whakaaro ki ō hiahia.

Mena kei roto i tō whanaungatanga ēnei tohu, ā, kei te rongo koe kei raro tō mana whakahaere i a koe e tō hoa, me whakatau koe mō tō heke mai me rātou. Ko te whai wāhi atu ki te tauira, ko te mahi rānei. Ko te tere o tō whakatau, ko te pai ake.

2. Kati te whāngai i te tauira

Ko tētahi atu taahiraa nui hei whakatau me pēhea te whakahaere i tētahi tangata whakahaere ko te whakamutu i te whakaae i ā rātou whanonga. He mea tino taumaha ina ngana tētahi ki te whakahaere i a tātou, ka waiho tātou kia manukanuka, kia mataku hoki. Tērā pea te āhua kāore he wāhi mōu i roto i tēnei āhuatanga, engari i te nuinga o te wā, kei a koe. Tērā pea kei te whakamanawanui koe ki ngā tikanga whakahaere a tō hoa nā te mea ka puta mai he āhua haumaru, he āhua māia rānei.

Ahakoa ehara i te whakatau āta whakaaro i te nuinga o te wā kia tukua tetahi ki te whakahaere, me āta whakaaro koe kia kaua e whāngai ki tēnei tauira o te whakahaere, te whanonga kino i roto i te whanaungatangaEhara tēnei i te kī nōu te he, ehara. I te nuinga o te wā, ka mutu ko ngā hoa e rua ka whai wāhi ki ngā tauira whanaungatanga kino – ahakoa e mōhio ana, e kore rānei e mōhio – ā, he ngana noa iho tēnei māu ki te wehe atu i tēnā.

3. Hangaia he punaha tautoko

Ki te mea kei te taha koe o tētahi tangata e whakahaere ana i tētahi whanaungatanga, tērā pea he tino uaua ki a koe te noho hono atu ki ngā tāngata i tata atu koe – ki ō hoa, ki tō whānau, ki tō porowhita tata rānei. Tērā pea kāore tō hoa whakahaere e pai ki a koe e kōrero ana ki a rātou, kāore rānei e whakaae ki a rātou. Heoi anō, he mea pai tonu te kohikohi i tō pūnaha tautoko me te whakamōhio atu ki a rātou he aha ngā mea e raru ana koe.

Ki te kaha te tukino i te whanaungatanga, ā, ka mōhio koe ki tēnei, kua oti kē i a koe te taahiraa tuatahi ki te rapu āwhina, me te mōhio me pēhea te mutu te whakahaere i a koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Kōrero atu ki tētahi e whakawhirinaki ana koe. Kia oti tō kōrero ki a rātou, tera pea ka taea e rātou te hono atu i a koe ki tētahi raina awhina mō ngā āhuatanga ohorere, ratonga āwhina ture, whare tiaki, piringa rānei.

Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā Kaupapa Taketake e 7 o te Tautoko i roto i te Hononga

4. Waihangahia ngā rohe

He uaua ki te tū atu ki tētahi hoa whakahaere, me te mahi i te mea pai mōu. Heoi anō, e tika ana kia manaakitia koe. Whakatakotoria he rohe he huarahi pai rawa atu tēnei hei whakahoki mai i taua mana whakahaere ki a koe anō i ngaro pea i a koe i roto i te tukanga. He mea nui kia waihangahia he rohe hei whakatau māu i ngā mea ka whakaaetia e koe, me ngā mea kāore e whakaaetia e koe. Ko ētahi tauira o te āhua o ngā rohe ko:

• Te whai i tō ake tuakiri me te tuku i te whakawhirinakitanga ki a koe anō
• Kaua e pupuri i te riri, engari whakapuakina ō āwangawanga
• Ina kōrero whakahāwea tō hoa ki a koe, whakarērea te āhuatanga
• Te kaha ki te whakarite i te wāhi whaiaro mō te tiaki i a koe anō

5. Kōrerohia aua rohe ki tō hoa

Kia mōhio koe ki ngā mea e taea ana te whiriwhiri māu, me ngā mea kāore e taea, kua tae ki te wā ki te kōrero pono, tuwhera hoki ki tō hoa. Ahakoa te āhua o tō whanaungatanga, he matua te korerorero hei whakapai ake.

Tērā pea he āhua whakamataku te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto me te whakapuaki i ō kare ā-roto. He āwhina pea te rapu āwhina mai i tō pūnaha tautoko. Ki te whakaae tō hoa, ki te whakaute hoki i ō rohe kua whakaritea, he painga tēnā mō te katoa. Heoi, ki te kore rātou e whakaae, ki te ngana rānei ki te whakahaere anō i a koe, kua tae ki te wā kia whakatau koe mēnā kei te pirangi tonu koe ki te pēnei, ki te mutu rānei.

Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā Kōrero a te Tohunga mō ngā Mahi Whakawhitiwhiti Kōrero e 9 me Whakamātauria e ngā Tāne me ngā Wahine

6. Whakawāteahia te wā ki te tukatuka i ngā mea e tupu ana

He mea nui anō hoki kia kia okioki he wā okiokinga rānei hei noho mārire, hei whakaae ki ngā āhuatanga e pā ana ki a koe me tō whanaungatanga. Mā tēnei wā okiokinga koe e āwhina ki te whakawātea i tō hinengaro, me te mārama ake hoki ki tāu e hiahia ana ki te mahi i ngā rā kei mua.

Me tīmata wawe ki te mārama me pēhea te whakamutu i te whakahaere i ngā whanonga. He mea nui kia kaua e tere te whakakore i aua whanonga. Me whai wā koe mōu ake me ōu ake hiahia ki te rongo i ngā kare ā-roto katoa. Kia mahara hoki kaua e whakahe i a koe anō; kei te pāngia koe e tetahi mea tino uaua, kia atawhai ki a koe anō.

7. Whakanuia anō tōu ake kaupapa matua

Tīmata te tiaki i a koe ano – te tangata kotahi e tika ana kia tino hira ki a koe. Ko te huarahi anake hei wete i ngā tikanga whakahaere a tō hoa ko te whakapai ake i tō whanaungatanga ki a koe anō. Anei ētahi huarahi hei arotahi māu ki a koe anō:

• Whakapaua te wā ki a koe anō
• Kia tino nui tō moe
• Whakamahia he wa ki waho
• Kai pai
• I ētahi rā, kāore pea koe e hiahia ki te ara ake i te moenga. Whakarongo ki tō tinana
• Kimihia he whakangahau hou
• Whakawhanaunga ki ō hoa

Hei whakarāpopototanga, meatia ngā mea e hiahia ana koe. Me mahi hoki ngā mea i aukatia e koe kia kaua e mahi nā te mea i kinongia rātou e tō hoa rangatira. Whakaritea koe hei kaupapa matua.

Ka taea e te hoa whakahaere te whakararuraru i a koe, ā, ka waiho pea koe kia mokemoke, kia pōhēhē hoki, ā, ka meinga pea koe kia whakama. Ka pāngia pea koe e te whakaaro nui ki a koe anō e te tangata e whiwhi ana i te mana whakahaere katoa. Whakamātauria kia maumahara koe ka taea e koe te whiriwhiri kia haere atu, kia kaua rānei e whai wāhi atu ki tēnei tauira. Akohia me pēhea te mutu te whakahaere i roto i te whanaungatanga mā te whakamahi i ngā tohutohu kua whakahuatia i runga ake nei. Mena kei te hiahia āwhina koe ki te whakatau me pēhea te mahi ki tētahi tangata whakahaere me te tiaki i a koe mai i a rātou, ko Bonobology's he rōpū kaiwhakaora hinengaro mātau kei konei hei ārahi i a koe i roto i te tukanga, hei whakamahara hoki i a koe e tika ana kia nui atu ngā mea pai ake māu.

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11 Rautaki Hei Kati i te Hae me te Whakahaere i roto i ngā Hononga

Ngā Tohu kei te noho tahi koe me tētahi Hoa Whakahaere, me pēhea te whakatau i tētahi

8 Ngā Tohu o te Wahine Manaaki

Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.

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