Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakamutu i te marena. Ahakoa kei roto koe i tētahi hononga kua āhua mutu, he whakamataku pea te whakaaro ka wehe atu koe. I mua i te rapu rōia, me whakaaro kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira ki ētahi atu huarahi hei whakakapi i te whakarere. Mā wai e mōhio, tera pea ka kitea e kōrua he huarahi hei whakaora i a kōrua i tētahi pakanga ture e tino uaua ana ki te hinengaro me te taha pūtea.
Ahakoa rā, e hiahia ana mātou ki te kī anō ko te rapu huarahi kē atu i te wehenga me te whakakorenga o te marena he kōwhiringa pai anake mēnā kei roto koe i tētahi marena e tino pai ana te haere, ā, ka pā pea ki ngā wai pōrearea nā ngā rerekētanga kare ā-roto, ā-ira tangata, ā-pūtea, ā-wairua, ā-noho rānei, nā ngā āhuatanga me ngā ahotea o waho rānei.
Mena kei roto koe i tētahi marena tukino, kino rānei, ka memeha haere ngā huakore o te whakarere ki te whakataurite ki ngā painga. Me matua rapu huarahi koe hei tiaki i a koe anō me te whakaora i ngā mamae kua pā ki a koe, kaua e rapu huarahi kē atu hei whakakapi i te whakarere.
Nā te mea kua mārama tātou ki tēnā, me tahuri tātou ki te aro ki te take me tūhura koe i ngā huarahi auaha hei whakakapi i te whakarere i te tuatahi. Ki te kore e pai te haere o te marena, he aha e kore ai e wehe atu, ka tīmata anō? He aha i whakaarohia ai ngā huarahi hei whakakapi i te marena kore harikoa? Ka taea e tētahi huarahi hei whakakapi i te wehenga te āwhina i te whakaora i te marena pakaru? Ka tahuri tātou ki ngā kaiwhakaora hinengaro whai raihana, he tohunga ki te whakarere me te tohutohu whanaungatanga, kia kitea ai ngā whakautu māu.
He aha ngā huakore o te whakarere?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Ina noho pōuri ana koe i roto i tētahi marena kāore i te harikoa, kāore rānei he aroha, ko te whakaaro kia mutu te marena he rite tonu ki te māramatanga kei te pito o te kauhanga. Engari he pono rānei? Ki te kore tō marena e taka ki roto i ngā wāhanga tukino, kino rānei kua whakahuatia ake nei, ko te whakarere anake te huarahi ki waho. Shazia Saleem (Tohu Paerua i roto i te Hinengaro), he tohunga ki te kaunihera mō te wehenga me te whakarere, kāore i te whakaaro pēnā.
Nā te mea kua tohutohu a Shazia i ngā tāngata i mua, i te wā, me muri i te mutunga o ā rātou marena, e whakapono pūmau ana ia he maha ngā wā ka hunaia ngā ngoikoretanga o te whakarere e te mamae o tētahi hononga kore e tutuki. Kia mōhio te tangata kāore te whakarere i te uaua ake i te whakahaere i tētahi marena kia angitu, kua roa kē. Koia ia e hiahia ana kia whakaarohia e koe ngā ngoikoretanga e whai ake nei o te whakarere i mua i te whakatau mēnā ko te whakamutu i tētahi marena te huarahi pai rawa atu māu:
Te pānui e pā ana: Hangaia anō tō marena i te wā e wehe ana mā te whakamahi i ēnei tohutohu 13
1. Ehara i te mea ngāwari te whakarere
Tērā pea kei te whakaaro koe he aha koe ka whiriwhiri ai i tētahi momo āhua noho rerekē i roto i te marena ina ngāwari noa iho te whakarere i tō hoa. E ai ki a Shazia, "Ahakoa kei te raru tō marena, kei te raru rānei, kia mōhio koe kāore te whakarere e ngāwari ake."
Haunga te mamae o te ngākau i te mutunga o tētahi whanaungatanga kua waiho hei kaupapa matua o tō oranga, ka taea hoki e te whakarere te whakapau moni ki ngā hoa e rua. Hei tauira, i te US, ko te te utu toharite mō te whakarere he $15,000 mō ia hoa. Haunga ngā pakanga kino mō te mana pupuri, te wehewehenga o ngā rawa, te tautoko tamariki me ērā atu mea, ka waiho hei wheako whara kino.
E kī ana a Shazia, "Kaua te whakatau ki te whakamutu i te marena e tangohia i roto i te hinengaro kare ā-roto. Kaua e tukua tō riri, tō mamae, tō pouri hei akiaki i tō whakatau ki te whakarere i tō hoa rangatira, nā te mea kāore ngā kare ā-roto e pumau. Ina memeha haere te kaha o ngā kare ā-roto – ahakoa i muri i te wehenga, i muri rānei i te rima tau – tera pea ka pouri koe mō tō whakatau."
2. Ka mutu te maha o ngā whanaungatanga i te whakarere
Ko tētahi o ngā ngoikoretanga o te whakarere kāore i te tino whakaarohia, kāore hoki i te tino kōrerotia, ko te mea ehara i te mea whakamutua tō whanaungatanga ki tō hoa rangatira. He maha atu anō ngā hononga ka motuhia i muri i tēnei. Hei tauira, me kī he tino piripono koe ki te tuahine o tō tāne, ki te matua rānei o tō wahine. Mēnā ka wehe koe, tera pea ka ngaro te hononga motuhake e tohaina ana e koe ki a rāua.
"Nā te mea he piripono te noho tahi a te tokorua kua marenatia, ka honoa te nuinga o ō rāua porowhita pāpori i roto i te wā. Mēnā ka wehe, ka tūpono pea ngā whānau, ngā hoa me ngā hoa mohio ki te tūponotanga nā te mea ka tautoko pea rātou i tētahi, i tētahi rānei o ō rāua hoa rangatira. Nō reira, me rite koe ki te ngaro i te nui atu i tō hoa rangatira," te kī a Shazia.
3. Ehara i te otinga tere mō ō raruraru
"Ehara te whakarere i te otinga tere hei whakamutu i ō raruraru me ō pōuri katoa. He tukanga anō tēnei, ā, he tukanga anō hoki e haere tahi mai ana me ōna ake wero, arai me ngā wā whakarihariha. Ki te kore e ngāwari te ara ki te whakarere, he aha e kore ai e whakamahi i taua kaha hei āwhina i tō marena kia angitu."
"Ko te hononga i waenganui i te tokorua me mahi, ā, me mahi i ia rā, i ia rā, kaua i te wā pōturi, i te wā rānei e hiahia ana koe. Nō reira, i mua i te whakaaro ki te whakarere hei huarahi, tirohia ō raruraru, tirohia mēnā ka taea e koe te whakatika i aua raruraru, me pēhea hoki te whakatika," te kī a Shazia. He kai hei whakaaroaro, kāore koe i te whakaaro? Āe, he take pai rawa atu tēnei hei rapu huarahi auaha hei whakakapi i te whakarere.
4. Pānga kino ki ngā tamariki
Mena he tamariki kei roto, ko te pānga kino ki a rātou tetahi o ngā ngoikoretanga nui o te whakarere. "Mena he iti ake ngā tamariki, he pānga kino te whakarere a te mātua ki a rātou i te 100% o te wā. He ahua kore haumaru, he pēhanga me te mataku mō te momo koretake ka rukuhia rātou e te kāinga pakaru. Ko te hohonu o te whakaaro te paanga o te whakarere ki nga tamariki me whai whakaaro.
"He taitamariki rawa rātou ki te kite i ō rātou mātua he pakeke e rua, he raruraru, he hapa rānei ō rātou ake, ki te mārama rānei he aha i whakaaro ai ō rātou mātua ko te whakarere te whakatau tika mā rātou anō me te whānau. Tāpirihia ki tēnei ko te wehi kei whakahengia rātou e ō rātou hoa, e te hapori rānei, ā, ka waiho pea te wehenga o ngā mātua hei wheako whara, ā, ka kitea pea ngā pānga kino ki roto i ō rātou oranga pakeke," te whakamārama a Shazia. I tēnei wā, he whakaaro pai te marena tuwhera hei utu mō te whakarere.
5. He mea whakamataku te tīmatanga hou
"Ina tino piripono ō kōrua oranga, he mea whakamataku te wetewete me te tīmata hou," te kī a Shazia. Kei hea koe ka tīmata ki te wetewete i te oranga kua hangaia ngātahitia e kōrua, pereki i muri i te pereki, i roto i ngā tau? Mā wai e pupuri te tūru tuatahi i hokona e koe i te hoko karāti? Ā, me pēhea ngā whakaahua i runga i te tēpu taha o te moenga? He aha te āhua o te noho i roto i tētahi whare hou i muri i ēnei tau katoa? Me pēhea e kitea ai e koe tō tuakiri hei tangata takakau anō?
Te pānui e pā ana: Ngā Mea 10 Hei Mahi Ina Whakaaro Ana Koe Mō Te Wehe
6. Te ngaronga o te whakawhirinaki
Ko tētahi o ngā ngoikoretanga tino kino o te whakarere ko te korenga o te marena ka waiho koe ki roto i te pouri hohonu take whakawhirinaki"Tērā pea he tino uaua ki te tangata kua whakarerea te whakawhirinaki ki tētahi atu hoa aroha. Nā tēnei, ka ārai pea i tōna kaha ki te hanga hononga hohonu, whai tikanga, me te tīmata anō i te ao hou," te kī a Shazia.
7. Ngā wero o te mātua takitahi
He take pai tēnei hei whiriwhiri i tētahi momo noho rerekē i roto i te marena, kaua i te whakarere. Mena he tamariki kei roto, me aro te mātua e whiwhi ana i te mana tiaki tuatahi, te mana tiaki takitahi rānei ki ngā wero maha e pā ana ki te noho hei mātua takakau. Ko te whakahaere i ngā mea katoa mai i te kura ki ngā mahi i waho o te kura, me te whakarite hoki i te mahi me ngā herenga pāpori, he haerenga hoha, he haerenga mokemoke hoki.
Tērā pea me whakaroa e koe ētahi āhuatanga o tō oranga kia pakeke rā anō te tamaiti, ā, kia tū motuhake anō hoki. Koia te take te whakaipoipo hei whaea takakau he moemoeā tawhiti rānei te whakaaro o te tangata ki a pāpā ki te tini o te hunga kua whakarerea. Ko te korenga o tētahi hononga piripono ka whakanui ake i ngā kare ā-roto o te mokemoke e puta mai ana i muri i te whakarere.
5 Ngā Huarahi kē atu hei Whakarere i te Wehenga ka taea e koe te Whakaaro
I runga i ēnei ngoikoretanga o te whakarere, me tūhura pea koe i ētahi atu momo noho hei whakakapi i te whakarere, i ētahi atu huarahi rānei hei whakaora i tō hononga ki tō hoa rangatira. Ae, ki te kore tō marena e tino pōrearea, e kore hoki e hauora mō te katoa e whai wāhi ana, tae atu ki ngā tamariki, kāore he kino ki te whakaaro ki ētahi atu huarahi mō te marena kore harikoa.
Tumuaki Psychotherapist Tākuta Aman Bhonsle (PhD, PGDTA), he tohunga ki te tohutohu whanaungatanga me te Whakaora Whanoke Āhua, e whakarārangi ana i ngā huarahi kē atu e rima hei whakakapi i te whakarere ka taea e koe te whakamātau, i runga i te āhua o tō marena, i ngā take rānei e pā ana ki a koe:
1. Te Huarahi Kimi Anō
E mea ana a Tākuta Bhonsle, "He maha ngā wā ka tata te marena nā te mea ka ngaro te hononga o ngā hoa rangatira tetahi ki tetahi nā te mea kua pau rātou i ngā mahi noa o te pupuri i ō rātou oranga kia pai. I mua i te mōhio, ko ngā tamariki anake tā rātou e kōrero ana, ko ngā rārangi hoko kai, ko ngā pire, ko ngā mahi me ērā atu mea."
"He mea maori noa iho te uru o ngā kare ā-roto o te kore harikoa ki roto i tētahi whanaungatanga pēnei, ka taea hoki e tēnei te whakaoho i te totohe tonu me ngā pakanga pinepine, ka meinga te tokorua kia whakapono kua kore te marena, ā, ko te whakarere anake te huarahi i puta ai."
"I roto i ēnei āhuatanga, ina rapu huarahi kē atu i te wehenga o te marena ka mutu pea ki te whakarere, he pai ake te tīmata me ngā hua tino iti rawa. Whakapaua te wā me te kaha ki te kimi anō me te mārama tetahi ki tetahi, me te tūhura anō i te hononga i waenganui i a kōrua i mua mā te tango i ngā wā hararei, te haere ki ngā hararei, te whakarite i ngā pō whakatā e pā ana ki a kōrua hei tokorua, me te whakaaro noa ki ngā mea nui tetahi ki tetahi."
"Inaianei, ehara i te mea ko te haere ki tētahi hararei ka ārai i te whakarere. Heoi, he maha ngā wā ina te hoha i roto i te whanaungatanga "Ko te take matua tēnei, ā, ka taea e ia te āwhina i ngā hoa tokorua kia kite ehara i te whakamutu i te marena anake te huarahi e wātea ana ki a rāua. Koinei tētahi o ngā huarahi ngāwari hei whakakapi i te whakarere me tūhura i mua i te mahi i runga i tō hiahia ki te wehe atu."
2. Te tohutohu mō te whakarere
Mena he hohonu ake, he roa ake rānei ō rerekētanga, ō raruraru rānei, ehara i te mea he rerekē noa iho, ko te rapu tohutohu mō te whakarere tētahi o ngā huarahi tino whai hua mō te marena kore harikoa. "Kōrero ki tētahi tohunga e mārama ana ki ō rerekētanga me ō pakanga, ā, e whakamārama ana hoki i te pūtake me te aha e taea e koe te mahi hei whakatau i aua raruraru."
"Te tohutohu mō te whakarere, te te rongoā mō ngā tāne me ngā wāhine He huarahi kē atu pea tēnei hei whakakapi i te whakarere, ina raru te marena i ngā take pēnei i ngā momo mātua rerekē, ngā tikanga noho me ngā āhuatanga whaiaro rerekē rānei. Hei tauira, ki te haereere nui tetahi hoa mō te mahi, ā, kāore tetahi e pai ki te haereere, ka taea e te tawhiti tonu te whakararu i a rāua.
"Waihoki, ki te mea he tino māhorahora, he pāpori hoki tētahi o ngā hoa rangatira, ā, kāore tētahi, ka noho ko ngā hiahia me ngā tumanakohanga kāore i te ōrite hei pūtake o te pakanga tonu. Mā te mahi tahi me tētahi kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro whai mātauranga, whai wheako hoki ka āwhina i a koe ki te kimi huarahi hei whakaoti i ēnei rerekētanga," te kī a Tākuta Bhonsle.
3. Te takawaenga mō te whakarere
Mena kāore te kaupapa tohutohu e pai ana, ki te kore rānei e whakaae tahi ngā hoa rangatira e rua mō tēnei mea, whakawaihotanga wehewehe he āwhina anō hoki. "Ka taea e koe te whakapā atu ki tētahi mema o te whānau mātau, ki tētahi hoa pono rānei e pai ana ki a koe, me te rapu i ā rātou tohutohu mō te huarahi pai ki te whakatau i ō raruraru."
"Mēnā kāore te whakatau i ō raruraru e tino tika ana, ka taea hoki e tēnei tangata te āwhina i a koe ki te kimi i ētahi atu huarahi hei whakakapi i te whakarere, pērā i te noho motuhake, te whakarerekē rānei i ngā āhuatanga o tō kōrua marena, me ērā atu mea anō."
"Heoi anō, he mea nui kia whiriwhiria te tangata hei āwhina i te whakakī i te āputa, kaua e whakawhānui ake mā te kawe mai i ā rātou ake whakatau me ngā kawenga ki roto i te āhuatanga. Ko te mea whakamutunga e hiahiatia ana e koe ko te kauwhau, ko te kī noa rānei kia kaha koe, kia manawanui ina tata mutu tō marena, ā, kei te whakaaro koe ki ētahi atu huarahi hei whakakapi i te wehenga o te marena," te tohutohu a Tākuta Bhonsle.
Te pānui e pā ana: He whai hua te Tohutohu Marena hei whakaoti rapanga whanaungatanga?
4. Te marena kua tautuhia anō
E ai ki a Tākuta Bhonsle, kāore e taea te whakanui rawa i te hiranga o ngā kōrero mārama me te pono, ahakoa te taumata o te whanaungatanga kei roto koe. "Pērā i ngā wāhi mahi, ka hui tahi ngā kaipupuri hea ki te arotake i ngā mea e mahi ana, me ngā mea kāore e mahi ana, me kōrero tahi me tō hoa rangatira mō te tirotiro i te āhua o te whanaungatanga."
"Kei te pēhea te āhua o ia tangata o koutou i te taha pūtea, te taha kare ā-roto, te taha tinana, te taha moepuku? Kua pēhea te panonitanga o tō koutou tūnga? Kei te piki haere ngā ahotea i te mahi? Me ērā atu mea. He mea nui tēnei nā te mea ka tipu, ka whanake te tangata i roto i te wā, i ahu mai i ō rātou wheako. Ki te kore koe i kōrero pēnei i mua, tera pea kua tino rerekē ō hiahia, ō hiahia, ō tumanakohanga me ō wawata, ā, kāore te tangata kē atu i te mōhio ki tēnā," tāna tāpiri.
E ai ki te kōrero, he pai ake te tōmuri i te kore rawa. Me kōrero tēnei mō te tirotiro i te mana o te marena ināianei, ā, tera pea ka kitea e kōrua he huarahi e whakaaetia ai tō kōrua marena. Ka taea e aua kupu kua hurihia te tautuhi te maia, pērā i te whiriwhiri i tētahi. marena tuwhera hei utu mō te whakarere.
He mea ngāwari ake rānei, pērā i te noho i roto i te marena mātua – ka whakatau kōrua ki te noho tahi mō te pai o ngā tamariki, ka noho motuhake engari ka noho tahi – ka noho motuhake kōrua engari ka noho tonu hei whānau kotahi, ka noho tahi rānei engari ka noho tahi kōrua engari ka ora takitahi i tua atu i ētahi āhuatanga kua whakaaetia ngātahitia. Ehara i te mea he momo noho rerekē kino i roto i te marena hei whakaaroaro.
5. Wehenga whakamātautau
Ki te kore e angitu ngā mea katoa, ka taea e koe te whakamātau i tētahi wehe whakawa hei tētahi o ngā huarahi kē atu i te whakarere. Ko te wehenga wā poto tētahi o ngā huarahi mahi tino taunakihia ina whakaaro ana te tokorua ki te whakarere, nā te mea ka hoatu he whakaaro ki a koe mō te āhua o te kore noho tahi i mua i te whakatakoto i tētahi tānga ture ki tāu whakatau.
"Me noho tawhiti tetahi i tetahi mō tētahi wā. Ka taea e tētahi o ngā hoa rangatira te wehe atu, ā, ka kore rāua e kite, e kōrero rānei mō tētahi wā kua whakatauhia ngātahitia. Mā tēnei ka whai wāhi koe ki te whakaaroaro me te whai whakaaro ki tāu whakatau, kaua e mahi i runga i te kare ā-roto," te kī a Tākuta Bhonsle.
Tērā pea ka kite koe ehara i te mea ko te whakarere anake te huarahi māu. Tērā pea mā te wehenga whakamātautau koe e whakatenatena ko te whakamutu i te marena te mea tika hei mahi. Ahakoa pēhea, ka tino mōhio koe ki te whakatau whakamutunga ka mahia e koe.
Pērā i te kore e taea te whakaora i ngā marena katoa, ehara i te mea ko ngā marena katoa e kī ana i ngā raruraru me whakaora anō. mutu i te whakarereMā ēnei huarahi auaha hei whakakapi i te whakarere ka taea e koe te tīmata anō i tētahi tīmatanga hou, ka taea rānei te whakaiti i te mamae o te wehenga.
9 Ngā Tohu Pono e Huri Ana te Whakaaro o tō Wahine mō te Wehenga
Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
