Te Korearo i roto i ngā Hononga - Ngā Take, Ngā Tohu me Ngā Tohutohu mō te Whakatutuki i te Manawanui

He āhuatanga whakararuraru te ngaro o te hiahia ki tētahi whanaungatanga aroha. Ehara i te mea ko te kore aro ki ngā whanaungatanga he hoha noa iho, he kore mahi rānei hei tokorua. Ehara hoki i te āhuatanga e tino pai ana ngā mea i waenganui i a kōrua ko tō hoa rangatira, ā, tera pea ka taea te matapae i tō kōrua whanaungatanga, ā, e maia ana mātou ki te kī, he hoha. I pātai mātou ki a Tākuta Shefali Batra (MD in Psychiatry), he tohunga hinengaro nō California, he kaiwhakaora whanonga hinengaro hoki e tohunga ana ki te tohutohu mō te wehenga me te whakarere, te wehenga me te whakaipoipo, me ngā take hototahi i mua i te marena, mō āna whakaaro mō te kore aro ki ngā whanaungatanga. 

E kī ana ia, "Tērā pea ka kite tetahi o ngā hoa i te kore aro, engari kei te pukumahi tetahi. Nō reira, ko te mahi tuatahi ko te mōhio mēnā he raruraru tūturu, he pukumahi rawa rānei tetahi, ā, kāore e taea e ia te aro atu ki tetahi atu. Ki te kite koe i tētahi tohu whakatūpato wawe, me mahi i ngā mahi hei rapu i te pūtake o te raruraru. Tirohia mēnā ka taea te whakatau i tēnei, mēnā rānei kua mutu rawa te whanaungatanga."

He aha te kore aro i roto i ngā whanaungatanga? 

Me whakaaro tātou ki tētahi āhuatanga e pāngia ai tētahi tokorua kua roa e noho tahi ana e tētahi raruraru. Ka tangohia e tātou ngā āhuatanga e rua:

Ngā pakanga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga hauora :

Ka ngana rātou ki te whakatau i ngā raruraru, ki te kōrero tahi, ā, ka tautohetohe hoki mō ngā otinga rerekē. He tohu pai katoa ēnei e whakaatu ana he mea nui tonu ngā mea ki ngā taha e rua. Ina whakapau kaha te whanaungatanga , kāore he aha i ngaro.

Te pakanga i roto i te whanaungatanga me te kore aro:

Ka uaua te whakatau i ngā tautohe nā te mea he uaua ki te kōrero pono i waenganui i ēnei tāngata tokorua. I te wā e whakararuraru ana te kore aro ki tā rāua hononga, ka huna ngā otinga whai hua katoa e te riri me te tinihanga. 

I pātai mātou ki a Tākuta Batra, "He aha te rerekētanga o te kore aro ki te hoha, ki te whanaungatanga rānei e noho noa ana?" E whakamārama ana ia, " Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero te kī ki te whakautu i taua pātai. Ae, ka hoha ngā mea ina ngaro te mura i muri i tētahi wā. Engari ka taea te whakakore i te hoha ina tāpirihia ngā mea whakahihiri. Ki taku whakaaro ko te ngaronga o te mura he tīmatanga noa iho o tētahi hinganga pea. Heoi, ka taea te karo i tēnei raruraru."

"He nui ake te kino i te mea e penei ana te āhua o te kore aro o te tokorua:

• Ka mutu te aro o ngā hoa ki a rātou anō
• Ahu ratou ki kaua e whakahawea tetahi ki tetahi
• Ko ngā taunekeneke i waenganui i a rāua ka huri hei mea akiaki, kaua hei mea e pai ai
• "Kei te tīmata ngā hoa ki te rapu pānga ki tētahi atu wāhi, me te mea kua wehe kē te wairua i a rātou anō."

He aha ngā take e kore ai ngā hoa rangatira e aro tetahi ki tetahi? 

Ina kore tetahi e aro ki a koe , ka tīmata te hekenga o te wairua, ka ngaro haere te harikoa me te ngākau nui. Ka taea e te kore aro te uru mārire ki roto i te whanaungatanga, ka āta wehe atu ngā taha e rua tetahi i tetahi. Ka whāngaihia rānei e tetahi te kore aro o tetahi ki tetahi, ā, ka whai i taua mea anō. Anei ētahi o ngā take mō te kore aro o tetahi i roto i te whanaungatanga:

1. Kāore rātou e aro nui ana ki a koe i te taha aroha 

Ahakoa te mārama o tēnei, me whakamārama anō i ētahi wā. He nui rawa te wā me te kaha e pau ana i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga kāore te tangata kē e aro nui ana ki te aroha. Tērā pea kāore tō hoa e aro nui ana nā te mea kāore ia e pai ki a koe pērā i mua. 

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2. Kāore rātou e aro ki ngā mea e aro nui ana koe 

E whakaatu ana tētahi rangahau nā Charles Chu rāua ko Brian Lowery i ngā wā tata nei, e aro nui ana te tangata ki te hunga he rite ō rātou tirohanga ao, arā, he rite ō rātou hiahia me ō rātou kore e pai ki a koe. Ahakoa kāore koe e hiahia ki tā rātou whakamana mō ō whakatau, ō hiahia, ō rātou pai me ō rātou kore e pai ki a koe, e hiahia ana koe kia whakaute tō hoa aroha i tō oranga me ngā mea e hanga ana i taua oranga. Ētahi mea hei maumahara:

• Kāore e taea e te tangata kotahi te aro ki ngā mea katoa e ngākau nui ana koe
• Ki te kore tetahi o ō hoa e aro ki tō aroha ki te puoro, ki te ahua rānei, ehara tēnei i te kī kāore rātou e aro ki a koe. Tērā pea kei te aroha tonu rātou ki ētahi atu āhuatanga o tō koiora – engari kaua ki ēnei 
• Heoi, ki te kore te hoa e aro ki ngā take pāpori e aro nui ana koe, ki ngā mea rānei e pā nui ana ki a koe, he take tika tēnā mō tō kore aro.
• If kāore tō hoa i te hiahia i ngā mea katoa e mahia ana e koe, kei te kotiti ke anō koe ki te rohe haki whero i konei 

3. Kei te whakaari rātou he kore aro

Kāore koe i te hē ki te whakaaro, "Kāore taku hoa e aro mai ki ahau." Koinei tā rātou e hiahia ana kia whakaarohia e koe. Engari he aha?

• Kei te riri rātou, ā, kei te whakahoki kupu mai ki a koe. Ko te kore aro o tēnei wā poto e tohu ana me whakatika e koe ō hapa.
• I ētahi wā, ka whakaari te tangata i te kore aro ki a rātou anō hei tiaki i a rātou anō. Mena kei te aro rātou ki a koe engari kei te mataku kei kore koe e rite ki ō whakaaro, ka huna pea rātou i muri i tētahi kanohi kore aro kia tae rā anō koe ki te wā e hiahia ana koe ki te aro atu. whakahoki i ō rātou kare ā-roto
• Tērā pea ka whakamātau rātou i te wai mā te tuku tohu whakauru o te hiahia me te kore aro kia tae rā anō ki te wā e māia ai rātou ki tā rātou haumi ki te heke mai o te whanaungatanga.

4. Kāore rātou e aro ki a koe nā te mea kei te tinihanga rātou i a koe

Ko tētahi o ngā take kino rawa atu (ā, ko te mea tino noa) mō te kore aro ko te puremu. Tērā pea kua tūtaki tō hoa ki tētahi tangata hou, ā, kua mutu haere te aro ki a koe. Inaianei kua kore rātou e aro, kua kore hoki e aro. 

Ki te mea ko koe te tangata e tinihangatia ana , ka taea e tētahi āhuatanga nui pēnei i te tinihanga, te ngaronga rānei o te whakawhirinakitanga te meinga koe kia kore e aro. He tikanga tēnei hei tiaki i te tangata e whara ana.

5. Kua hinga te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero

E kī ana a Tākuta Batra, "Ko te pūtake o te kore aro i waenga i te tokorua ko te wā e mutu ai tā rāua kōrero. Ka tīmata te mate o te whanaungatanga nā te mea kāore tetahi e mōhio ki ngā kare ā-roto o tetahi, me te mea rānei ka taea te mahi i tetahi mea hei whakapai ake i ngā mea." Ko te whakaroa o te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ka puta mai i ngā māramatanga kāore anō kia whakatauhia, he whanaungatanga tawhiti, he raruraru hauora i tetahi taha, i tetahi taha rānei, he wawaotanga whānau, me ētahi atu.

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6. He maha rawa ngā take kua pāngia e rātou

Tērā pea i puta te kore aro i muri i tētahi tautohe nui, i puta rānei he raruraru i waenganui i ngā taupatupatu, ā, i puta ai te kore aro ki tētahi atu. Ka āta haere te kore aro ina kore e aro wawetia ngā take.

7. Nā te pouri ki a koe anō i kore ai rātou e aro ki a koe 

E kī ana a Tākuta Batra, "Ina mutu te harikoa me te ngākau māhaki o te tangata i roto i a rātou anō, ka tīmata hoki rātou ki te wehe i ō rātou kare ā-roto mai i ō rātou hoa , ka noho hei tangata whakahē, ka amuamu kāore ō rātou hiahia e tutukihia ana, ka wehe atu, ka rapu i te harikoa me te mea hou ki hea atu." Waihoki, i roto i tētahi rangahau nā Thomas Fuchs i te tau 2013, e whakaatu ana i te whanaungatanga i waenga i te pouri me te pakaru o ngā hononga pāpori me te wehenga atu ki ētahi atu.

He mārama, mō ngā take maha, ka mutu te whakapau kaha a te hoa kore aro, ka tīmata te ngaro o te aro ki a koe, ki te whanaungatanga rānei. Nā, kua mōhio koe ki te āhua o te kore aro ki te patu i te whanaungatanga i ngā huarahi rerekē. 

9 Ngā Tohu Mārama o te Korearo i roto i te Hononga 

Nā, e mōhio ana tātou ko te kore aro ki tētahi whanaungatanga he tohu i te kore aro ki tētahi atu. Ki te kite koe i tētahi o ēnei tohu o te kore aro ki tō whanaungatanga, kua tae pea te wā ki te aro atu ki te take. 

1. Te kore o te whanaungatanga 

Ko tētahi o ngā mea tuatahi ka ngaro ina uru mai te kore aro ko te whanaungatanga piripono. Ko ngā mahi ka ngaro te hiranga i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga pēnei ko:

• Tiaka
• Te pupuri ringa
• Te tiritiri i te moenga kotahi
• sex

Ahakoa he wā pea ka noho puku, ka noho wehe rānei i te ngākau nā te mate, nā te tinihanga rānei, ka taea ēnei raruraru te wikitoria. Heoi anō, mā te kore aro ka ngaro te whanaungatanga mō te wā roa.  

2. Te kore o te āwangawanga me te hiahia ki te mōhio 

Inaianei, ka kitea pea tēnei i roto i ngā momo huarahi katoa. Engari ko tētahi o ngā huarahi tino ahurei i whakapuakina e tētahi kaipānui 27-tau te pakeke nō Louisiana, "Mōku nei, ko te korenga o te amuamu a taku hoa i tino pā ki te kore aro. Whakapono mai ki ahau mō tēnei: ​​Mena i mua i akiaki tō hoa i a koe kia mahi i tēnei, i tēnā rānei, engari inaianei kua kore, he tohu pea tēnei."

"He huarahi te amuamu i ētahi wā hei whakaatu i te aroha o te tangata, ā, ki te kore e pērā, ka mutu te kōrero me te amuamu. Nō reira, ahakoa te mutunga o te amuamu he rite ki tētahi taonga, kia maumahara, tera pea ka tohu i te mutunga o tō whanaungatanga."

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3. Kāore he kaha e mahia ana i muri mai

Ko te mutunga o ngā tikanga me ngā whanonga a ētahi tokorua he mea kino pea mō tō kōrua heke mai, ā, he tohu kei te heke haere ngā āhuatanga. Ko ētahi tauira o te korenga o te whakapau kaha i roto i te whanaungatanga:

• Ka mutu tā kōrua whakarite i ngā rā tahi
• Kāore he whakahihiri i te whakakakahu me te miharo i tetahi atu
• te nga tohu aroha iti i hanga tahi kōrua mō tetahi ki tetahi, kua roa kē te ngaro
• Ka wareware hoki te tāne, te wahine rānei, te wahine rānei, ki te huritau, ki te rā whānau rānei o tetahi atu tangata.

4. Ko ngā tohu o te kore aro ko te kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero 

Mō tētahi whanaungatanga angitu , me rere noa te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero. Nō reira, he aha ngā momo kōrero ka mahue i muri i te wā kāore he hoa e aro ana? Anei ētahi tauira:

• I roto i tētahi whanaungatanga koretake, ka mutu te kōrero a te nuinga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine tetahi ki tetahi i runga i te huarahi, i te auau rānei o te wā i mua. 
• Kāore he kōrerorero noa, he kōrero ngahau i ēnei rā
• Kua ngaro ngā kōrero hōhonu
• Kāore e taea e koe te whakapuaki i ō hiahia me te whai hua 

5. Kāore e tika ana kia whawhaitia

"Kāore e whai hua te karo i ngā pakanga," te kī a Caitlin Cantor, he tangata whai tiwhikete, he tāne, he wahine rānei, he kaiwhakaora ira tangata i Philadelphia. Ka tāpiri atu a Caitlin i roto i te tuhinga: "Ki te taea e kōrua te whawhai me te ako me pēhea te hono atu i roto i ō kōrua rerekētanga me te ako atu mō kōrua mā te whawhai, he tino hauora tēnā."

Ka tupu pai te whawhai me te houhanga rongo mō ētahi tāne me ngā wāhine . Ko ētahi ka whakahaere i ō rātou riri. Ina memeha te hiahia ki te whawhai, he tohu tēnei kāore he aha a te tangata/ngā wāhine. Kāore te take e tika ana mō ō rātou wā, mō ō rātou kaha rānei. He hua kino tēnei nō te whanaungatanga koretake. Kia mahara, ko ngā kare ā-roto kaha o te aroha (te mauahara rānei) anake ka arahi ki ngā whawhai.

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6. Te atawhai puku 

I roto i tētahi whare kī tonu i te kore aro, ka noho puku te tangata. Tērā pea he mahi uaua te katoa, ā, kāore i te ngahau. Tērā pea ka noho puku te tangata ina kore te hoa e hiahia ki te kōrero ki a ia mō ōna kare ā-roto. 

7. Ka ngokingoki haere mai ngā kōrero teka me te kore whakawhirinaki 

He maha ngā wā ka arahi tētahi mea ki tētahi atu mea, ā, ko tētahi hononga i tīmata kaha, tērā pea ka raru ohorere i ngā raruraru o te tinihanga me te tinihanga. E kīia ana, ina uru te kore aro ki tētahi hononga, ka whakaaetia ngā kōrero teka me te kore wero. Ka kōrero teka pea te tangata kore aro ki tana hoa rangatira nā te kore aro ki ngā kare ā-roto o tētahi atu.

Tērā pea ka teka te hoa e pāngia ana e te tangata kāore e aro ki a koe mō ētahi take, pērā i te pana i te rohe kia kite ai mēnā kei te whakaohohia te hiahia, hei wero rānei kia arohia anō. Ina uru mai ngā kare ā-roto o te kore aro ki tētahi whanaungatanga, ka tīmata te ngaro o te hiahia ki tētahi atu tangata, ka heke te hononga, ka ngaro te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, ā, ka kite ohorere koe kua memeha haere te aroha. 

8. He tohu pea te kore whakapono ina kore tetahi e aro ki a koe

E ai ki tētahi rangahau i roto i te Journal of Qualitative Research in Health Sciences , 2020, ko te kore o te whanaungatanga piripono, te kore aro ki te hoa rangatira, me te kore whai wāhi ki te oranga marena, koinei katoa ngā take o te kore whakapono. Kia tīmata te kore aro, ka puta te kore whakapono i te pae tawhiti i a koe e titiro ana ki ētahi atu hei whakakā anō i te mura o te aroha.

9. Kāore he wehenga e kitea ana 

He tohu mārama tēnei o te kore aro ki te mea kua roa kōrua ko tō hoa e noho pōrearea ana, kāore he mutunga tūturu. Me whakapau kaha, me whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, me te wā, me te pono ki te whakamutu i tētahi whanaungatanga – Ko ngā mea katoa e ngaro ana mēnā kāore koe e aro ki tō hoa. Nā, me aha koe? Ka tangohia e koe te ara mataku, ka tukua ngā mea kia haere tonu, ka noho pūmau, ka noho korekore hoki kōrua.

Ka tāpiri atu a Tākuta Batra, "Ki taku whakaaro ko ngā tohu tino ngaro ko ngā mea tino kitea. Ko ngā mea katoa i kitea i waenganui i ngā hoa i mua engari kua rerekē, he tohu whakatūpato pea, ahakoa he iti noa iho ki ētahi atu. Te ngaro i ngā rā nui, ngā rā whānau, me ngā huritau; te kore e tae atu ki ngā huihuinga pēnei i mua; te kore e aro nui ina mate koe; te kore e waea atu ki ō mātua i ia wā - he mea nui ēnei mea katoa i mua."

"I ētahi wā, ina mutu te tautohetohe a te tokorua, he tohu mārama anō hoki tēnā. He mea nui kia mahara ki ngā āhuatanga o mua, o ngā āhuatanga o nāianei, me te āhua o te ahunga whakamua o ngā mea katoa kia pai ai te whakahaere i tō kōrua whanaungatanga."

Pānui e pā ana: Me pēhea taku neke atu i te aroha taha-kotahi? E kī ana tā mātou tohunga ki a koe…

3 Ngā Tohutohu Hei Whakatika i te Koretake i roto i te Hononga

Me wehe koe? Me whakatika te whanaungatanga? Ko te kore aro ki tētahi ka tohu i te mate o te whanaungatanga, engari ehara i te mea ko te mutunga tonu. Me titiro tātou ki ngā huarahi e toru e taunakitia ana hei arotake anō me te whakatika i te kore aro o te whanaungatanga:

1. Kia kitea te pūtake o te raruraru 

He maha ngā take i puta ai ō whakaaro koretake. Anei tētahi rārangi arowhai mō ngā raruraru pea i waenganui i a kōrua:

• He nui te wā e noho tahi ana kōrua ko tō hoa?
• Kei a kōrua te ngā raruraru whakawhitiwhiti kōrero ō hiahia me ō wawata?
• Kei roto tō oranga ā-ira i te āhua pōrearea, ā, kaua e aro atu ki tēnā, he pai ake ki a koe te noho tawhiti atu i a koe?
• Kua puta ake ngā kare ā-roto o te kore aro me te wehe i ngā kare ā-roto i tētahi huihuinga motuhake?
• Kua mahi tahi koe me tētahi tohunga hauora hinengaro? Ehara i te mea onge te puta mai o te kore aro ki te pouri, nō reira whakarongo ki ō kare ā-roto, ā, tikina te āwhina e hiahiatia ana e koe hei whakapai ake i ngā mea mō tō oranga.

Tīmata mā te whakatakoto i ā kōrua kāri katoa ki runga i te tēpu kia taea ai e kōrua te tautuhi i ngā tauira me te whakaaro i ngā otinga. Kia maumahara kia pono i a kōrua e mahi ana i tēnā, ki te kore ka ngaro te kaupapa katoa o te mahi. 

2. Ako ki te whakawhitiwhiti korero 

Kua tae te wā ki te kōrero mō aua kare ā-roto o te kore aro kia ora ai tō kōrua whanaungatanga pumau . Ko te aroha me te aro nui anake ngā kare ā-roto pai e tika ana kia haumihia, ā, koinei te huarahi whakamua mēnā kei te tino hiahia kōrua kia angitu ngā mea.

• Tuhia ō kare ā-roto me te kore e wehi kei whakapaetia, kei hara rānei
• I te wā e kōrero ana, kaua e noho whaiaro, kaua hoki e whakaaroaro ki ngā kōrero o mua
• Whakamahia te reo e titiro whakamua ana, e tango ana i te kawenga whaiaro a tetahi ki tetahi

Mā tēnei, ka taea e koe te hanga anō i te whakawhirinaki, te aroha, te hiahia me te aroha. E whakaae ana a Tākuta Batra, "Kōrero, kōrero, kōrero. Ina kite koe i tētahi mea rerekē, pātai atu ki tō hoa rangatira mō te aha kei te tupu, ka ngana ki te aromatawai i te aha kei te tupu. Kaua rawa e tukua kia pērā tonu. Ka tipu ake te kore aro ki a ia anō, pērā i te koma. Ka roa koe i roto i te koma, ka heke te tūponotanga o te whakaoranga. Nō reira, kōrero mai, rapua he āwhina mai i tētahi hoa, i tētahi whānau rānei, i tētahi tohunga rānei, ā, whakaorangia tō whanaungatanga mai i te mate."

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3. Whakarei ake i ngā mea kakara 

Ki te ahua hoha te whanaungatanga, ko te mea pai ko te whakarerekē i ngā mea. Whakakorea te hoha kua mau i ō kōrua rā mā te mahi tahi i ngā mahi hou. 

• Whakamaherehia ngā pō whakaipoipo (me te akiaki i a koe kia tutuki ai)
• Whakaritea he wa mo tetahi ki tetahi
• He maha ngā mahi mōrearea, tae noa ki te noho ki waho, ka nui hei whakaoho i te adrenaline, hei whakahihiri hoki i te ao.
• Mā te whakarite mahere me ngā whāinga whanaungatanga atamai tahi, kei te hoki anō kōrua ki te heke mai

He aha mehemea kaore he mahi?

Hei whakamutunga, ki te kore e angitu ngā mea katoa, kotahi te kōwhiringa whakamutunga māu: Te neke atu. I ētahi wā, he pai ake mā ngā taha e rua te whakamutu i te mahi. Ki te mea kua mahia e koe ngā mea katoa hei whakapai ake i ngā mea, engari kāore anō kia angitu, he pai anō hoki. E kōrero ana a Sean, he kāmura nō Georgia, i tana i ako ai i tana wehenga, "Ahakoa ngā whanaungatanga angitu, he rā paunga anō tō rātou. Kua tae pea te wā hei kati i tēnei upoko ka neke atu ki te upoko e whai ake nei."

He āhua kino te kore aro. Ka puta ake ngā kare ā-roto o te kore aro, te kore aro, te whakaaro kino, tae noa ki te nanakia. Ko te kaupapa matua o te noho i roto i te whanaungatanga ko te whakawhitiwhiti i ngā pai me ngā pouri o te ao. Ina mahi tahi ngā hoa e rua ki te whakatutuki i tētahi whāinga tahi, ā, ka whakapau kaha ōrite ki tā rāua whanaungatanga, ka taea te noho tahi me te whai hua.

Heoi, ki te kore tetahi o ngā hoa e aro, ka pā kino pea ki te whakapono ki a ia anō me te whakaute o tētahi atu. Ki te ngaro te ara, o tō hoa rānei, ā, me arotahi ki te hono anō tetahi ki tetahi, ka taea te whakatika i te kore aro. Kāore e tika kia mutu, engari he tohu kei te paheke ngā mea, ā, me takahi tetahi mea (me tetahi rānei) i ngā parai kia hoki ai ngā mea ki te huarahi tika! 

FAQ 

16 Ngā Huarahi Hei Whakaatu i te Aroha ki tō Hoa

He aha ngā tāne ka wehe atu ai i a rātou anō i muri i te whanaungatanga piripono?

15 Ngā Tohu Kāore e Taea te Whakatikatika i tō Hononga

Ehara tō takoha i te koha aroha . Mā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe tonu mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.