He aha te take e mārena ai te tangata? Mō te aroha, te hoa rangatira, te taatai, te tautoko… he mutunga kore te rārangi. Ahakoa ngā tautohetohe katoa e whakahē ana i te kaupapa, ko te mārena tonu te paerewa koura mō te hunga e uru ana ki ngā whanaungatanga pumau. Kaua e wareware, mō te nuinga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i ēnei rā, he rite tonu te 'harikoa ake ake' ki te moemoeā, ko te 'mokemoke i roto i te mārena' te mea pono.
Kaua e pohehe. He whanaungatanga pakiwaitara kei reira. Tirohia a William rāua ko Kate – he tino pai te hanga tetahi ki tetahi i ngā āhuatanga katoa. Engari i te pito kē atu o te whānuitanga ko te whaea o William, ko Lady Diana, tētahi o ngā wāhine tino ataahua me te ngaro o te ao, nāna i whakaae whānui he koretake te kare ā-roto i roto i tana marena roa.
Kua tino noa te pouri me te mokemoke i roto i te marena, ā, kāore e puta he ohorere i waenga i ngā kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro marena. E ai ki tētahi pūrongo i te tau 2018 ako E ai ki te AARP Foundation, tata ki te 31% o te hunga kua mārenatia, 45 tau te pakeke, neke atu rānei, i kī he mokemoke rātou. Kua tae pea te wā ki te aro nui atu ki te take o te mārenatanga engari kia nui ake te whakaaro mō te mokemoke, kia kore ai koe e mamae tonu i roto i te wā poto.
He aha te take o te noho mokemoke i roto i te marena?
Ripanga o Ihirangi
Tākuta Vidya N, he kaiwhakatakoto whakaaro i te Amrita Institute of Medical Sciences, "He mea pouri te whakaaro kāore te noho mokemoke i roto i te marena e kiia he raruraru nui atu i te noho i roto i te whanaungatanga tukino. Ae, he take nui ake te tukino i te hinengaro me te tinana engari ka taea e te mokemoke te arahi ki te pouri me ngā raruraru hauora hinengaro e pā ana," tana kī.
Nā, ko te noho mokemoke i roto i te marena ehara i te mea kei roto koe i te marena kino. Tērā pea ki te ao o waho me ō hoa, ko kōrua te tokorua tino pai. Kāore hoki pea i te kī kāore kōrua e aroha ki tō hoa. Engari ko te tawhiti o ngā kare ā-roto me te kore whakawhanaungatanga tērā pea ka piki ake te whakapono kei te hinga te marena.
Nā, me pēhea te whakamārama i te mokemoke? "Ki te kore tō hononga e ngāwari te puta mai o te katakata, ehara i te mea e mau tonu ana ngā āhuatanga motuhake o tō hoa, e kore rānei e tutukihia ō hiahia kare ā-roto, tera pea kei roto koe i tētahi marena mokemoke," te whakamārama a te kairangahau marena a Carol Bruess i roto i tētahi wānanga TED.
Ko te take o Manjula V (ingoa kua hurihia) e whakaatu ana i tēnei. He kairīpoata 43-tau te pakeke, kua rua tekau tau ia e noho ana i roto i te marena kore aroha. He tīmatanga pai rawa atu tana whanaungatanga me tana tāne e hiahia ana ki a ia, me te mahi i nga mea katoa hei toa i a ia. I marena wawe raua engari kaore i tino maeneene. Nga raruraru me te whanau whanui, nga uauatanga mahi, he hononga ki waho o te marena ... i roto i te poto, he waahanga nui katoa o te marena engari ko te aroha.
"I tua atu i tētahi wāhi, kua mutu taku aro," te kī a Manjula. "Ko au tōku ake oranga, ko ia tōna ake oranga. Koinei tā māua tikanga whakaae ki tētahi marena mokemoke, ā, ko te whakaritenga o te noho motuhake i te wā e marena ana he pai ki a māua. Kāore he riri, he pakanga rānei i ēnei rā, engari kāore he aroha, he harikoa rānei." I roto i ngā kupu poto, kāore he whakatutukitanga kare ā-roto, he makona rānei, engari he pai mō rāua. Koinei tonu te āhua o te mokemoke i roto i tētahi marena kore harikoa.
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He aha ngā take o te whakarērea ā-hinengaro i roto i te marena?
Kua tino noa te noho mokemoke engari kua marenatia i ēnei rā. I roto i te horopaki pai rawa atu, e ai ki tā Manjula i kī ai, tera pea ka whiriwhiri te tokorua ki te noho tahi engari ka noho motuhake rāua. Engari i te wā kino rawa atu, ko te noho mokemoke i roto i te marena te taahiraa tuatahi ki te wehenga. He rerekē te kōrero mō ia marena kāore i tino tino pai, engari ko te mea kotahi e rite ana i roto i aua marena katoa ko te ahua o te whakarērea i roto i te hinengaro.
Ko te marena he hononga o ngā wairua e rua, he mea whakarite hei whakarato hoa me te tautoko i ngā wā pai me ngā wā kino. Engari ki te kore e tutuki ō hiahia kare ā-roto, ko te mokemoke te kare tuatahi e ngokingoki mai ana. Mā te whakarerenga kare ā-roto i roto i te marena ka noho kau koe i roto.
Koinei te wā ka tīmata te puta o ngā tohu o te kore e hiahiatia i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga. Ahakoa te noho tahi me tētahi tangata, te taunekeneke ki a ia i ia rā, tae noa ki te moe tāne, kāore koe e rongo i tētahi hononga, i tētahi mahana rānei. Tērā pea ka rongo koe kua pāngia tō hoa e tētahi mea. kua tirotirohia te kare ā-roto o te marena. Anei ētahi o ngā take mō te whakarērea o ngā kare ā-roto i roto i te marena:
1. Ngā tumanakohanga tino teitei
He nui ngā tumanakohanga a te nuinga o ngā tāne me ngā wāhine i ēnei rā, arā, ko te hoa rangatira. hoa pai, he hoa aroha nui, he mātua manaaki, he hoa whakakatakata, he hoa whakaoho hinengaro, he tohunga ngaio angitu, me ētahi atu. Ahakoa kei a rātou ēnei āhuatanga katoa, kāore e taea te pupuri i aua āhuatanga teitei mō te wā roa.
Ko Michael Pratt (ingoa kua hurihia), he kaipakihi e kōrero ana i tana wheako. "E kī ana taku wahine kei te noho kau ia. E mārama ana ahau ki a ia nā te mea e mōhio ana ahau kāore e taea e au te noho roa ki a ia, te whakatutuki rānei i ana hiahia katoa. Engari i muri i te 15 tau o te marena, me te mahi 12-hāora me te ahotea i ngā taha katoa, kāore e taea e au te noho hei hoa aroha 21-tau te pakeke i mua, e tika ana?"
He tauira tawhito a Michael mō te mokemoke i roto i te marena nā te kore e taea te whakatutuki i ngā tumanakohanga. Kāore ia i te mokemoke. Ki te kore ngā tāne me ngā wāhine e kimi huarahi hei whakatikatika i ā rātou tumanakohanga mai i te marena, he mea tino kore e taea te karo i te wehenga.
2. Te kore korero
Ko te whakawhitiwhiti kōrero pai te kī ki tētahi whanaungatanga pai. Ki te hoatu e tō hoa ki a koe te maimoatanga puku ā, ki te kore koe e aro ki tāu e kōrero nei, he mea maori noa iho te whakaaro kua warewarehia, kua whakarērea hoki koe. Mā te haere tonu, ka mutu te kōrero ki a ia mō ngā mea nui nā te mea kāore koe i te aro ki tāu tāne, ki tāu wahine rānei. Ka ara ake ngā pakitara i waenganui i a kōrua nā te mea kāore he kōwhiringa mā kōrua, engari ko te whakaae ki tētahi marena mokemoke me ōna pānga.
Tērā pea ka kitea koe e kōrero nui atu ana ki ō hoa, ki tō whānau, ki tētahi atu tangata rānei i tō hoa rangatira. "I rite ahau mō te mokemoke i roto i tētahi marena pōuri," te kī a Manjula, "Engari ko te mea kāore i taea e au te aro atu ko te kore kōrero. I ētahi wā, ka whakarerekē ahau i aku wā mahi tari kia taea ai e au te karo i taku tāne. Ko te mutunga iho, ka piki haere tonu te āputa ki te wāhi kāore e taea te hoki mai."
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3. Te whanaungatanga i waho o te marena
He hononga ā-ira Koinei pea te whiu tino nanakia rawa atu ka hua ake he whakarērea kare ā-roto i roto i te marena. Ko ngā hiahia kāore i tutuki me ngā tumanakohanga kāore anō kia tutuki ka ārahi i a koe ki ngā ringa o tētahi atu, ka rapu (ka whiwhi) koe i te makona. Heoi, ka taea e ia te whakararu i tō hoa, ā, ka whakanui noa i ngā kare o te mokemoke i roto i te marena.
I tētahi atu taha, tērā pea ka ngaro te hiahia o te hoa e tinihanga ana ki te whakahaere i te marena, nā te mea e kitea ana kei te whiwhi rātou i te mea e ngaro ana i roto i te whanaungatanga mai i tētahi atu taha. I te whānui haere o te āputa, ka noho mokemoke tonu te taha kē engari kua marenatia, inā koa kāore rātou i te mōhio ki te whanaungatanga.
Me pēhea te whakatau i te mokemoke i roto i te marena?
"Kua hoha ahau ki te noho mokemoke i roto i taku marena, engari kāore he huarahi kē atu i ahau, me whakamanawanui," koinei te amuamu a te hunga kua hoha ki te noho i ngā oranga takoto kau me ngā ataata rūpahu. He uaua te noho mokemoke, inā koa mēnā kei te rapu hoa te tangata hei whakaoti i te āputa i mua i te tīmatanga o te whanaungatanga. Ka taea e tēnei te taumaha rawa ki tō ngākau, ā, ka tīmata koe te whakaaro kāore e hiahiatia ana i roto i te whanaungatanga.
E ai ki a Michael Pratt, "He mokemoke taku wahine, me ahau anō hoki, he rite ki ngā tāngata tauhou e noho ana i raro i te tuanui kotahi. Kāore he pakanga, engari ko te noho motuhake i te wā e marena ana he tino hoha mō te hinengaro me te tinana. He uaua te whakaae ki te marena mokemoke, ahakoa te kaha o tō whakaaro."
Ko te kore haumi ki te marena ka wehea tō hononga, ka noho kore e hiahiatia. Ki te hiahia koe ki te aro atu ki te āhuatanga, ko te mahi tuatahi ko te whakamutu i te whakakore i tō mokemoke. He maha ngā tāngata e mokemoke ana i roto i te marena e kī ana 'kei te pai ngā mea katoa' nā te mea pea e whakaaro ana rātou he koretake te whakahaere. Engari ko tētahi akoranga ka akohia e koe mai i ngā whanaungatanga kore angitu ko te kī kāore koe e ārahi i te tangata ki hea.
Āe, ahakoa kāore koe e hiahia ki te mahi i tō marena, engari me mahi tonu koe ki te whakatika i tō mokemoke kia kore ai tō ao e ahua koretake. Anei ētahi whakaaro hei āwhina i a koe kia ora tonu, kia ora tonu ai.
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1. Kimihia te pūtake o tō mokemoke
He 'āhua tuku iho' tō ētahi tāngata, ā, he nui ake te tūponotanga o te noho mokemoke i roto i ō rātou oranga i ngā ira tangata. Kāore he tangata hei tango i tō mokemoke, ko koe anake te tangata ka taea. Ka nui ake te uaua mena ka pēhia e koe tō hoa rangatira.
Nō reira, ki te kite koe i a koe e pouri tonu ana, e mokemoke ana, rapua he tohunga hauora hinengaro mēnā he take kei roto. Te whiriwhiri i te tohutohu mā tēnei pea koe e āwhina ki te whakatau i ō raruraru. Me aro atu koe ki tō mamae, ki tō koretake me tō mokemoke i te taumata taketake i mua i te tumanako ka whakakīia e tō hoa rangatira te āputa.
2. Whakaarohia ō whanaungatanga o mua
Mena kua moe tāne koe engari kei te mokemoke koe, he mea nui kia kōrero koe ki tō hoa rangatira. Ka nui ake te hiranga o tēnei mena kei te whakaaro koe kāore tō hoa rangatira e mōhio ana ki tō mokemoke. Tērā pea kei te ngana rātou ki te whakamātau i a koe i roto i te hinengaro engari kāore i kitea e koe.
Ki te kore e taea e koe te whakakore i te kare o te mokemoke i roto i te marena, tera pea nā te kore whakapono ki a koe anō, te iti o te whakaaro ki a koe anō, te kore rānei e māia. Tirohia ōu hononga o muaHe tauira kē tēnei? Ki te mea āe, me tīmata te otinga i a koe anō. Ko te noho mokemoke me te kore aroha i roto i te marena ehara i te mea he whakaata i te āhua o tō whanaungatanga. He whakaaturanga anō hoki tēnei o ō ake raruraru kāore anō kia whakatauhia e koe, kia whakaaetia rānei e koe tae noa mai ki tēnei wā.
3. Kei te mokemoke anō hoki tō hoa?
He uaua pea te whakaoti rapanga me tō hoa rangatira, engari ki te tino whakaaro koe, ko te huarahi kē atu – arā, ko te whakaae ki te marena mokemoke – he uaua ake. Nō reira, me whai huarahi ki te rapu huarahi i waho o te mokemoke me te noho mokemoke i roto i te marena. Kia kitea ai te tino take o tō mokemoke, me kimi mēnā kei te mokemoke anō hoki tō hoa rangatira.
Tērā pea he raruraru anō āna i roto i te marena kāore koe i mōhio, kua mau kē koe i a koe e pōrearea ana i roto i te awhiowhio o ngā kare ā-roto. Mena kāore tō hoa i te makona ki te marena, ā, e whakaae ana ki ō rāua raruraru, tera pea kei a koe ētahi raruraru whanaungatanga kāore koe i aro ki tēnā.
Me whakatika tēnei raruraru, ki te kore, e kore rawa te kare ā-roto o te moepuku engari o te mokemoke e ngaro. Koinei te wā me whakaaro koe ki te rapu tohutohu hononga Tērā pea ka āwhina i a koe ki te whakatau i tō raruraru noa - te mokemoke - ā, ka āwhina hoki i a kōrua kia huihui anō!
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4. Whakahoutia ō whakapono, kōrerohia hoki
Ka pātai te tohunga hinengaro a Mary Jo Rapini, "Kei te arai ō whakapono mō te moni, te taatai, te whakapono, te mātua me ētahi atu i tētahi hononga piripono? He maha ngā wā ko te raruraru kei roto i ngā whakapono rerekē e arahi ana ki ētahi atu take." Ina he rerekē te pūtake o tō kōrua ko tō hoa, kāore rānei i te rite ō kōrua whakaaro. ngā uara whānau, ka uaua haere te hono atu tetahi ki tetahi.
Ki te rerekē tonu ō kōrua whakaaro mō ētahi take nui, ka taea e tēnei te huri hei pakanga nui, te arahi rānei i a kōrua kia tawhiti atu i te taha tinana me te taha kare ā-roto. Ko te wā tēnā ka tīmata ai koe ki te whakaaro i ngā mea pēnei i te 'kāore taku tāne e mārama ki ahau' me te 'kāore taku wahine e kite i te take'.
Ka taea e tēnei te whakaoho i te whakaaro kāore koe i te nui ki te tāne, ki te wahine rānei. I tēnei wā, ka taea e koe te whakatika i te take o te mokemoke i roto i te marena pouri mā te rapu huarahi waenga mō ngā take e rerekē ana ō kōrua whakaaro.
5. Whakahou i tō oranga moepuku
Ko te kore hiahia moepuku he tohu pea mō ngā marena mokemoke. Ae, ki te mea he tawhiti ngā kare ā-roto, he uaua ki te puta ki te moenga engari i ētahi wā ko te ara ki te ngākau ka taea te haere mā te moepuku. Kaua e kaiponu i te moepuku nā te mea he mea nui tēnei hei pupuri i te ora o te marena.
Ahakoa kua tata mate tō oranga moepuku, ngana ki te whakaara ake i a ia, ahakoa te āhua whakamā i te tīmatanga. Ka taea e te moepuku pai ake te arahi ki te hononga me te kōrero. Ki te kitea e koe tō hototahi ai, kātahi ka kitea e koe te kotahitanga i te taha tinana, i te taha hinengaro hoki.
Kia maumahara ko te oranga o te marena hauora ka tupu i runga i ngā momo me ngā taumata rerekē o te whanaungatanga i waenganui i te tokorua, ā, he hononga katoa ēnei. Tērā pea ka ngaro te hiahia moepuku ki tō hoa rangatira mēnā ka noho mokemoke koe, ka tawhiti atu hoki i a rāua. Tērā pea kua moepuku koe engari kei te mokemoke nā te mea kua mate te mura o te moepuku. Nō reira, kimihia he huarahi hei hono anō i te whanaungatanga moepuku ki tō hoa rangatira.
6. Kia whai hoa, kia whakawhanake rānei i ngā mahi whakangahau noa
Kaua e titiro ki ngā hoa, kaua hoki e mahi hei huarahi ki te mawhiti atu i tō hoa rangatira, engari kia whai hapori hauora koe i waho o te marena. He mea noa te noho mokemoke i roto i te marena i waenga i te hunga e tino whakawhirinaki ana ki tā rātou hoa rangatira mō ō rātou matea hinengaro me te tinana katoa.
Engari, whakawhanakehia tō ake tuakiri, ā, kia whai oranga anō hoki i waho o te marena. Kia tūpato kei nui ake tēnei i tō marena, kei noho wehe kē. Engari, ngana ki te kimi i ngā huarahi e pai ai te noho tahi mā roto i ngā mahi whakangahau, i ngā hoa rānei, hei āwhina i a koe ki te kimi anō i te aroha kua ngaro.
Ko te noho pūmau te take nui o te noho mokemoke i roto i te marena. Ko te kī ki te ārai i te noho mokemoke me te kore e arohaina i roto i te marena ko te whakamātautau tonu me te tautuhi anō i ngā āhuatanga o tō whanaungatanga.
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7. Whakahoutia anō, honoa anō hoki
Kia kitea rā anō te mokemoke me ngā take o taua mokemoke, whakatau mēnā kei te pirangi koe ki te noho tonu i roto i te marena, ka whakamātau. Mā tō whakatau koe e whakatau i ō mahi e whai ake nei. Me whakapau kaha ki te whakakī i te āputa, nā te mea kāore e taea te tupu i roto i te pō kotahi. Me mahi i ngā mahi iti pēnei i te āwhina i te kīhini, te whakatangi rānei i āna waiata tino pai.
Whakatata atu ki tō hoa mō ngā raruraru me te kore e tangi kei te tohe koe, nā te mea ka whakakāhoretia rātou e tētahi wahine pukuriri he tāne amuamu rānei. Me whakapau kaha ki te houhanga rongo. Ka taea e ngā mahi atawhai me te atawhai iti te whai hua nui.
Ahakoa ō ngana katoa, tera pea he uaua ki te hono i te āputa i waenganui i a kōrua ko tō hoa mēnā kua wehe atu ia i te hononga kare ā-roto. Heoi, ehara i te mea ka mutu katoa tō hononga. E tika ana kia noho tātou katoa i roto i ngā marena e tino tutuki ai ō tātou hiahia, nō reira kaua e whakaae ki te whakarērea kare ā-roto. Whawhaitia te mea e tika ana māu.
FAQs
Ina ngaro te hihiri o te marena, ka puta he ahua o te "déjà vu" i roto i ia raruraru. Mēnā e aroha ana te tokorua tetahi ki tetahi engari kāore e pai ki te noho tahi, kāore hoki e piripono ana ki te taha wairua, ka taea te kī he mokemoke rāua ahakoa kua marena.
Ko te kare o te ngākau māhaki, te momotu i te whanaungatanga ki te hoa rangatira, te kore whakawhitiwhiti kōrero, te kore aro ki ngā mea e pai ai, e kore ai e pai tetahi ki tetahi, ko ētahi o ngā tohu o te mokemoke i roto i te marena.
Ina kore koe e hiahia ki te houhia te rongo ki tō hoa rangatira mō ngā rerekētanga, ina mokemoke koe ahakoa kua marenatia koe, ā, e noho tahi ana, ina he pouri noa iho, he momotu te hononga ki tō hoa rangatira, ā, kāore he tumanako ki te whakaora anō i te mura kua ngaro, i te... te aro atu ki a rātou, e taea te kī kua tino mutu te marena.
Kāo, ki te roa te noho mokemoke o te marena, ka arahi pea ki ngā raruraru hauora hinengaro. Ko te marena me arotahi ki te harikoa me te ngākau māhaki, ā, e tika ana kia noho koe i roto i tētahi whanaungatanga harikoa, whai hua, kaua i te whanaungatanga haurua-oti e tautuhia ana e te mokemoke.
E hia te nui o te wāhi e tika ana kia noho noa i roto i te whanaungatanga? Ko te taurite te mea nui!
Me pēhea te kore e noho mokemoke ina takakau koe, e rapu ana hoki i te aroha
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Kāore tō koha e kiia he kaupapa aroha takohaMā tēnei ka taea e Bonobology te kawe mai i ngā mōhiotanga hou me ngā mōhiotanga hou ki a koe i roto i tā mātou whainga ki te āwhina i te tangata katoa o te ao ki te ako me pēhea te mahi i tetahi mea.
