Chikondi ndi chikhumbo zimakhala zovuta kuzisiya, mosasamala kanthu za mawonekedwe awo. Kuthetsa chibwenzi sikuli kosokoneza ngati kusudzulana, kupatula ngati simukuyenera kulipira chindapusa chalamulo. Koma mtengo wamalingaliro wothetsa chibwenzi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wokwatira, kapena kuthetsa chibwenzi ndikukhalabe mabwenzi, ukhoza kukhala ulendo wovuta komanso wovuta.
Momwe mungathetsere chibwenzi ndi munthu amene mumamukonda nthawi zonse ndi funso lopanda mayankho osavuta. Komabe, nzeru zazing'ono za akatswiri zingathandize kukonza njira. Tinafunsa mphunzitsi wa zaubwenzi ndi ubale Shivanya Yogmayaa (wovomerezeka padziko lonse lapansi mu njira zochiritsira za EFT, NLP, CBT, REBT, ndi zina zotero), yemwe ndi katswiri wa njira zosiyanasiyana zolangizira mabanja, kuti atipatse malingaliro a momwe mungathetsere chibwenzi popanda kusokonekera nokha.
N'chifukwa Chiyani Kuthetsa Chibwenzi Ndi Munthu Amene Umamukonda Ndikovuta Kwambiri?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
"Chizolowezi chilichonse chomwe chimabweretsa chisangalalo n'chovuta kusiya," akufotokoza Shivanya . "Pali mgwirizano wachindunji pakati pa kuchuluka kwa chisangalalo ndi zovuta kuthetsa chizolowezicho. Munthu ayenera kudziwa ululu wothetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu amene mumamukonda, kuyambira pachiyambi. Ntchito iliyonse yomwe imayamba popanda kukumbukira mapeto ake ndi yoipa."
Iye akuwonjezera kuti: “Kuli mkangano wamaganizo kwa onse oloŵetsedwa m’chibwenzi, mosasamala kanthu kuti anasonkhana kaamba ka zosoŵa zakuthupi kapena zamaganizo.
“Kwa mnzawo amene anachitapo chibwenzicho, liwongo limakhalaponso pamene akufuna kuthetsa chibwenzicho n’kupitiriza kupulumutsa banja lawo.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Zinthu Zomwe Zimathetsa Ukwati Zomaliza?
Momwe Mungathetsere Chibwenzi Ndi Kupulumutsa Ukwati Wanu
Pali mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya nkhani ndipo kuzithetsa kumadalira kutalika ndi kuzama kwa nkhaniyo. Pali nkhani zazifupi zomwe zimakhalapo kwa nthawi yoposa chaka chimodzi. Nkhani zomwe onse awiri akwatirana , ndi zomwe munthu mmodzi yekha ndiye wakwatirana. Palinso nkhani zomwe palibe amene wakwatirana, koma mmodzi wa onse awiri ali pachibwenzi chodzipereka komanso cha nthawi yayitali.
Kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi bwana wanu kulibe vuto lililonse kungaphatikizeponso. Mwachitsanzo, kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi mnzanu wa kuntchito n’kosiyana ndi kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu wodzikonda amene simugwira naye ntchito. Kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi bwana wanu kungatenge njira zosiyana ndi kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi mnzanu wapamtima.
Kuti mupeze makanema ambiri a akatswiri chonde lembani ku Youtube Channel yathu. Dinani apa.
Shivanya akulimbikitsa kudzifunsa mafunso ovuta awa musanayambe ulendo wothetsa chibwenzi ndikupulumutsa banja lanu.
- Kodi mumakonda mnzanu?
- Kodi mumanong'oneza bondo?
- Kodi mwathetsa kale chibwenzicho m'maganizo mwanu?
- Kodi ndinu wokonzeka kumvetsetsa zomwe zinakupangitsani kuti mubere ndikusintha maganizo ndi zochita zanu?
- Kodi ndinu okonzeka kumvetsetsa zomwe wokondedwa wanu wathandizira pazochitikazo ndipo ndinu wokonzeka kumukhululukira?
- Kodi ndinu okonzeka kuyika ndalama ndi kudzimana chifukwa cha banja lanu?
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungakhululukire Mnzanu Wachinyengo, Ndipo Muyenera Kutero
"Ngati yankho lanu kwa onse, kapena ambiri mwa mafunsowa ali otsimikiza, ndiye kuti pali mwayi wothetsa chibwenzicho ndi kuti ukwati wanu ukhoza kupulumutsidwa. Kumbukirani kuti njira yokhayo yopita patsogolo ndiyo kukhululukira, kuiwala ndi kupitiriza, "akutero Shivanya.
“Cholinga ndi kubwezeretsanso chikondi ndi kudzipereka muubwenzi wanu kuti nonse mudzakhale ndi ndalama zambiri. Osataya mtima pa chikondi ndi njira yayitali pamene kukhulupirirana kwatha. Zimatengera nthawi komanso khama lalikulu kuti zibwezeretsedwe,” akuchenjeza motero.
Zinthu zina zimatha kwa zaka zambiri, zina zimakhala zazifupi, koma kuthetsa chibwenzi nthawi zonse kumakhala kowawa, kovutirapo.
Ndi chithandizo cha Shivanya, taphatikiza masitepe 10 omwe mungatenge kuti zisasokonezeke pang'ono, kapena zomwe zimakuthandizani kuthana ndi chisokonezocho bwinoko. Ngati mukuyesera kuthetsa chibwenzi chanthawi yayitali kapena chachifupi, nazi njira zina zomwe mungachitire.
1. Pangani chisankho cholimba kuti zatha
Kaya mukuthetsa chibwenzi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu kapena mukufuna kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi mnzanu wa kuntchito, chinthu choyamba chimene mungachite kuti munene kuti zatha chiyenera kuchitika m’maganizo mwanu. Monga masitepe onse oyamba, ichi ndiye chovuta kwambiri. Mudzakhala wosweka pakati pa kudulirana kwathunthu ndi kufuna kuthetsa chibwenzi ndikukhalabe mabwenzi. Mwina inu kutha chibwenzi ndi narcissist ndipo kwenikweni sindikufuna kuthana ndi maganizo awo ndi kusakhwima maganizo.
Kapena mukuyesera kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi bwana wanu ndipo mukuganiza ngati zingakukhudzeni kukwezedwa pantchito. Choyipa kwambiri n'chakuti, mwina mukuyesera kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi mnzanu wapamtima ndipo mukuopa kuti mungamutaye kwamuyaya. Kuvomereza ndi kuvomereza kuti chibwenzi chatha m'maganizo mwanu kudzafuna ntchito yambiri, koma muyenera kutsimikiza chifukwa ndicho chifukwa chomwe mudzakhala mukugwira ntchito kuyambira pamenepo mpaka kuthetsa chibwenzicho kwamuyaya.
2. Kambiranani ndi wokondedwa wanu
Kusudzulana sikumasangalatsa, ngakhale chibwenzicho chinali choletsedwa bwanji. Komanso, kumbukirani kuti chifukwa chakuti chibwenzi chanu sichikuwoneka ngati 'chovomerezeka' ndi dziko lakunja sizikutanthauza kuti kutha kudzakhala kosavuta.
"Ndinali kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi mwamuna wokwatira , ndipo ndicho chisudzulo chovuta kwambiri chomwe ndakhala nacho," akutero Emily. "Tinkakondana kwambiri ndipo tinkafuna kukhala limodzi. Koma iye sakanatha kusiya ana ake. Tinalankhulana, tinalira, kenako tinalonjeza kuti sitidzakhala limodzi chifukwa cha chikondi ndi ulemu."
Ngati mukuthetsa chibwenzi ndi munthu wamba, mungafunikire kuima nji pa chosankha chanu, popeza sachedwa kuvomereza zinthu zomwe sizikuyenda bwino. Komanso, zinthu zina zimatha kwa zaka zambiri, ndipo izi zimakhala zovuta kwambiri kuti mutuluke chifukwa mwina mwakhala mukulumikizana. Khalani otsimikiza, khalani olimba ndi kukhala okoma mtima.
3. Ululani kwa wokondedwa wanu
Tidakuchenjezani kuti izi sizikhala zophweka. Tsopano popeza mwaganiza zothetsa chibwenzi ndikulankhula ndi 'mnzako', ndi nthawi yoti muyang'ane ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu wanthawi yayitali. Konzekerani kusakhulupirira, kukana, mkwiyo ndi misozi. Palibe amene amakonda kupusitsidwa ndi bwenzi lake, ndipo ino si nthawi yodzikhululukira kapena kupereka zifukwa zomveka. Nenani zomwe muyenera kutero, ndipo aloleni ayankhe.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Nkhani Yovomereza: Kunyenga Mwamaganizo Poyerekeza ndi Ubwenzi
Iwo, nawonso, adzafunika nthawi kuti agwirizane ndi kusakhulupirika kumeneku ndikuzindikira momwe akufuna kutsata. Osafotokoza zambiri, koma bwerezani kuti pepani kwambiri ndipo zatha. Akadziwa kuti chisoni chanu ndi chenicheni, mwachiyembekezo zikhala zosavuta kwa iwo kuti agwirizane nazo.
4. Chotsani kukhudzana konse ndi munthu/anthu omwe munawabera nawo
Shivanya anati: “Kuimbira foni, malo ochezera a pa Intaneti, mphatso zimene anakupatsa, chilichonse chokhudzana ndi zimenezi chiyenera kuchitika. Kuyeretsa thupi kumalepheretsa kuyeretsa m'malingaliro ndi m'maganizo komwe mudzayenera kuchita, ndiye iyi ndi sitepe yabwino kuchita.
“Ndikuganiza kuti ichi chinali chinthu chovuta kwambiri kwa ine kuchita,” akutero Shannon. “Ndinakhala ndi chibwenzi ndi munthu wa kuntchito kwa zaka zoposa ziwiri. Kuthetsa chibwenzi ndi mnzanga wa kuntchito, pamene ndimayenera kumuona kuntchito tsiku lililonse kunali koipa. Pomaliza pake ndinapempha kuti ndisamutsidwe ku dipatimenti ina kuti ndithe kuthetsa ubale wanga wonse. Chikondi kuntchito sichinthu chophweka, monga momwe chilili!”
Sizikhala zophweka kuchita izi. Koma ngati mukuganiza za momwe mungathetsere chibwenzi ndi munthu amene mumamukonda, zizindikiro zonse za kukhalapo kwake ziyenera kuchotsedwa m'moyo wanu. Osachepera miyezi ingapo yoyambirira, ngati sichoncho kwamuyaya.
5. Yambitsani chithandizo kuti muthetse zifukwa zomwe munazembera
Shivanya anati: “Kuthandizidwa ndi akatswiri n’kofunika kwambiri ukangoganiza zothetsa chibwenzi. Akunena kuti zinthu zimayamba ndi kusakhutira kozama komanso kusasangalala, ndipo nthawi zonse zimachokera kumalo osowa. M'pofunika kuthetsa vuto limene likusowa muukwati wanu kapena ubwenzi wanu wanthaŵi yaitali, wodzipereka, kufufuza mozama ndi kudziŵa chimene chinachititsa kuti muyambe chibwenzi. Munkafuna chiyani? Akutero.
Iye akulangizanso kuti muyambe ndi chithandizo cha munthu payekha popanda mnzanu. Mwa kuyankhula kwina, yambani ndikugwira ntchito pa mavuto anu monga munthu kunja kwa ubale wanu wonse. Mutha kulankhula ndi gulu la alangizi a Bonobology kuti akuthandizeni apa.
"Okondedwa anu adzafunikanso chithandizo chapadera, asanayambe kupitirira kuphwanya chikhulupiriro chawo. Uphungu wa maanja ukufunika koma dikirani mpaka wokondedwa/mkazi wanu atanena kuti ali okonzeka," anawonjezera.
6. Phunzirani kukhala oona mtima pa chilichonse
Kuulula chibwenzi kumadzetsa nkhani zokhulupirirana ngakhale muubwenzi wolimba kwambiri. Kuyambira pano, zonse zomwe munganene zitha kukhala zokayikitsa kwa mnzanu. Shivanya anati: “Phunzirani kukhala woona mtima kotheratu ndi mnzanuyo. Ngakhale zabodza zoyera zimafunika kuziyika pa backburner chifukwa mnzako akuwawa ndipo makamaka amamva kunamizidwa pompano.
“Nditathetsa chibwenzi changa cha chaka chonse ndikuuza mkazi wanga, zinali zovuta kwambiri kuti ndiyambenso kudalirana ,” akutero Richard. “Ngakhale nditamufotokozera molakwika kuti makiyi anali patebulo ndipo sanali, iye anaona kuti ndi bodza. Zinatenga nthawi yaitali kuti timangenso ukwati wathu, koma kuona mtima kunali gawo lalikulu la zimenezi.”
7. Dziwani kuti kumanganso kumatenga nthawi
Inde, mwaulula, inde, ndinu wachisoni ndipo mwakonzeka kuika zonse kuti mnzanuyo akukhulupirireninso. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti zichitika usiku umodzi, kapena miyezi ingapo kuchokera pano. "Mungafunike kugona m'chipinda cha alendo kwa masiku angapo kapena milungu ingapo. Pamene mubwereranso kugonana ndi wokondedwa wanu, ziyenera kuchitika mofulumira, osati zanu. Zingatengere nthawi kuti abwererenso," akutero Shivanya.
Monga tanenera, pali mitundu yonse ya zinthu , ndipo zina zimakhalapo kwa zaka zambiri. Koma zimenezi zikutanthauzanso kuti mwakhala mukulola ukwati wanu kapena ubale wanu wodzipereka kusweka pang'onopang'ono komanso mosakayika panthawiyo. Ngakhale mutamva kuti mwakonzeka, sizidzakhalanso chimodzimodzi.
8. Lolani malingaliro onse
Kaya ndi nkhani zomwe zimatha kupitilira chaka, kapena kuthawa komwe kudatha miyezi ingapo, kuthetsa chibwenzi ndikuyesa kusiya gawo lanu. Pamodzi ndi chisoni ndi kutayika, mudzamva chisoni, mkwiyo, mkwiyo ndi chisokonezo. Osadziweruza nokha kwambiri. Lolani zomverera zibwere ndikuzikonza momwe mungathere.
Musamachite dama, kapena ngati munthu amene ayenera kulangidwa. Inde, simunalemekeze ubwenzi wanu ndipo munaphwanya kukhulupirirana kwa mnzanuyo, ndipo muyenera kukonza. Koma kudzikuza sikupindula aliyense.
"Kunena zoona, pamene ndinali kuthetsa chibwenzi changa, sindinalephere kuganizira za ubwino wa kugonana kunja kwa ukwati ," anatero Kelly modandaula. "Ndinamva chisoni kwambiri, koma ndinaganiza momwe kukhala 'mkazi wina' kunandithandizira kupeza mphatso, kugonana kwabwino komanso kusavutikira kukhala mkazi."
"Komanso, ndinkakonda kwambiri mwamuna amene ndinali naye pachibwenzi kotero ndinkafuna kuthetsa chibwenzi ndikukhalabe mabwenzi. Koma ndinkadziwa kuti sindingathe kuchitira mwamuna wanga zimenezo, ndipo iye sangachite zimenezo kwa mkazi wake." Nkhani ngati onse awiri ali pabanja zimatha kubweretsa malingaliro ovuta kwambiri. Khalani oleza mtima nawo komanso inu nokha, lankhulani ndi katswiri ndipo yesetsani kupeza ubwino wa uphungu.
9. Dzikhululukireni nokha
Musanayembekeze kuti mnzanu kapena achibale anu akukhululukireni, kapena kuyembekezera kukhululukidwa kwa amene mukuthetsa naye, dzikhululukireni nokha. Simungathe kupita patsogolo ngati mumadzimenya nthawi zonse.
Chibwenzi sichikhala chopanda kanthu, nthawi zonse pamakhala zifukwa ndi zokhumba ndi kusungulumwa kozungulira. Ndipo tikubwerezanso, kukhala ndi chibwenzi sikuyenera kusokoneza moyo wanu wonse ngati munthu wolakwa. Monga anthu, ndife ovuta, ndipo nthawi zambiri timakhumudwitsa omwe timawakonda ndi zosankha zathu.
Kudzikhululukira sikutanthauza kuti kudzimvera chisoni kwanu kutsika, kapena kuti simukuyesetsa kwambiri kumanganso banja lanu . Mukungofunika kutsimikiza kuti mwadzikhululukira nokha ndipo mwakonzeka kupita patsogolo.
“Pali zifukwa zomveka zothetsa chibwenzi,” akutero Shivanya. “Pali ndalama, banja (ana), ndi chikondi.
“Mwachitsanzo, kukhala m’mabanja aŵiri m’malo mwa nyumba imodzi, kwenikweni kumawonjezera kuŵirikiza kaŵiri mtengo wa nyumba yanu.” Anthu ambiri sangakwanitse, makamaka m’nyumba ya ndalama imodzi.
"Ana angapulumuke chisudzulo koma zotsatira za banja losweka zitha kukhalapo kwa moyo wawo wonse. Mavuto omwe ali m'banjamo, nthawi yosamalira ana kapena ngakhale nkhondo yosamalira ana , zingakhale zovuta. Bola makolo sakulimbana nthawi zonse kapena kupereka malo osatetezeka, nthawi zambiri ndibwino kuti akhale limodzi."
Pamapeto pake, kodi mumakondanabe? Ndithudi, sizingaoneke ngati choncho pakali pano, ndipo zingatenge miyezi kapena chaka chimodzi kapena ziwiri kuti muwongolere zinthu. Koma ngati nonse mudakali ndi chikondi kwa wina ndi mnzake ndipo mukufuna kuti zitheke, mutha kutero,” akutero.
"Ngati zikumveka zovuta, ndichifukwa ndizovuta. Zimatenga nthawi yayitali. Koma mutha kukonza banja lanu, ngati mutha kulola zakale kupita popanda kudziimba mlandu kwambiri kapena kukwiyira. Zidzatengera chikhulupiriro ndi kulimba mtima kuti mukonzenso chidaliro chanu chosweka, koma sizingatheke. Yesetsani kukhala pachibwenzi chatsopano, khalani ndi nthawi yochiritsa mabala anu ndi a mnzanuyo, ndipo chikondi chidzatero.
Ibibazo
Nkhani zitha kutha pomwe m'modzi kapena onse awiri azindikira kuti akufuna kupereka mwayi wina waukwati / ubale wanthawi yayitali. Athanso kutha ngati m'modzi kapena onse awiri omwe akhalapo nthawi yayitali atadziwa za chibwenzicho. Chisankho chikapangidwa kuti athetse chibwenzicho, zili kwa anthu omwe akukhudzidwa momwe akufuna kuchitira - kukhalabe mabwenzi, kusiya kucheza ndi zina.
Chibwenzi, makamaka chomwe chakhalapo kwa zaka zambiri, chimakhala chovuta kuchithetsa chifukwa mwakhala mukulumikizana maganizo ndipo mwina mwayamba kukondana. Mwina mwapeza zomwe zinali zosowa muukwati wanu ndipo zakusangalatsani m'njira zodabwitsa.
Palibe zolemba zomwe zingakuuzeni zomwe munganene mukafuna kuthetsa chibwenzi. Mungathe kunena mosapita m’mbali kuti, “Pepani, koma sindikufunanso kuchita zimenezi.” Mulimonsemo, m’pofunika kukhala wolimba mtima, ndiponso kukhala wachifundo pothetsa chibwenzi.
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