Kuthetsa banja sikophweka. Ngakhale mutadzipeza kuti muli muukwati umene ukuwoneka kuti watha, chiyembekezo chochokapo chingakhale chodetsa nkhaŵa. Musanapite kukafunafuna maloya, inu ndi mnzanu muyenera kuganizira njira zina m'malo mosudzulana. Ndani akudziwa kuti mutha kupeza njira yopulumukira yomwe imakupulumutsirani kunkhondo yamalamulo yowononga malingaliro komanso zachuma.
Izi zanenedwa, tikufuna kunenanso kuti kufunafuna njira zina zosiyanitsira banja ndi kuthetsa banja ndi njira yabwino ngati muli m'banja lomwe likuyenda bwino lomwe lingakhudze mavuto chifukwa chamalingaliro, kugonana, ndalama, uzimu kapena moyo kapena chifukwa cha zinthu zakunja ndi kupsinjika.
Ngati muli muukwati wankhanza kapena wapoizoni, kuipa kwa chisudzulo kumazimiririka poyerekezera ndi mapindu ake. Muyenera kuika patsogolo kupeza njira zodzitetezera ndi kuchiza ku zowawa zomwe mudakumana nazo m'malo mofunafuna njira zina m'malo mwa kusudzulana.
Tsopano popeza tathetsa izi, tiyeni tiyang'anenso chifukwa chomwe muyenera kufufuza njira zopangira chisudzulo poyamba. Ngati banja silikuyenda bwino, bwanji osangotuluka ndikuyambanso? N’cifukwa ciani tiyenela kuganizila zosankha za m’banja losakondwela? Kodi njira ina m'malo mopatukana ingathandize kupulumutsa banja losweka? Timapita kwa asing'anga omwe ali ndi zilolezo, omwe amakhazikika pakusudzulana ndi upangiri paubwenzi, kuti akupezereni mayankho.
Kodi Kuipa Kwachisudzulo Ndi Chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Mukakhala m’banja lopanda chimwemwe kapena lopanda chikondi, chiyembekezo chothetsa ukwati chingaoneke ngati chopepuka. Koma kodi zilidi choncho? Ngati banja lanu siligwera m'magulu ankhanza kapena oopsa omwe tawatchulawa, ndiye kuti chisudzulo ndicho njira yokha yopulumukira. Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wopereka uphungu wopatukana ndi kusudzulana, sakuganiza choncho.
Atapereka uphungu kwa anthu ukwati wawo usanachitike, mkati ndi pambuyo pake, Shazia amakhulupirira mwamphamvu kuti kuipa kwa chisudzulo kaŵirikaŵiri kumabisidwa ndi ululu wa unansi wosakhutiritsa. Podzafika nthaŵi imene anthu amazindikira kuti kusudzulana sikuli kovutirapo kuposa kupangitsa ukwati kukhala wopambana, nthawi yatha kale. Ndicho chifukwa chake akufuna kuti muganizire kuipa kotsatiraku kwa chisudzulo musanaganize ngati kuthetsa banja ndiko njira yabwino kwambiri yopezera banja lanu:
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Lingaliraninso Ukwati Wanu Panthawi Yopatukana Ndi Malangizo 13 Awa
1. Kusudzulana n’kovuta
Mwinamwake mukudabwa chifukwa chake musankhe moyo wina muukwati pamene mutha kusudzula wokondedwa wanu mosavuta. Shazia ananena kuti: “Ngakhale kuti banja lanu lili ndi mavuto kapena mukukumana ndi mavuto, dziwani kuti kusudzulana sikukhala kophweka.”
Kupatula kuvutika maganizo kwa kuthetsa chibwenzi komwe kwakhala nkhani yaikulu m'moyo wanu, kusudzulana kungathenso kuwononga ndalama kwa onse awiri. Ku US, mwachitsanzo, a mtengo wapakati wa chisudzulo ndi $15,000 pa bwenzi. Osanenapo za nkhondo zonyansa za kusungidwa, kugawa katundu, alimony ndi izi zitha kukhala zowopsa mwazokha.
Shazia akulangiza kuti: “Chisankho chothetsa ukwati sichiyenera kutengedwa motengeka maganizo. Musalole mkwiyo, kupweteka, kukhumudwa kusonkhezere chosankha chanu cha kusudzula mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu chifukwa chakuti maganizo anu sakhazikika. Pamene kufulumira kwa malingaliro kumazimiririka - kaya patatha tsiku chisudzulo kapena zaka 5 pansi pa mzerewo – munganong’oneze bondo chosankha chanu.”
2. Kusudzulana kumathetsa maubwenzi ena ambiri
Chimodzi mwa zinthu zochepera zomwe zimaganiziridwa ndikukambidwa za kuipa kwa chisudzulo ndikuti sichimangochitika kuthetsa ubale wanu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Maubwenzi ena ambiri akutha pambuyo pake. Mwachitsanzo, tinene kuti mumayandikana kwambiri ndi mlongo wa mwamuna wanu kapena abambo a mkazi wanu. Chikachitika chisudzulo, mwachiwonekere mudzataya chomangira chapaderacho chimene mumagwirizana nawo.
“Popeza kuti okwatirana amagawana moyo wawo wapamtima, macheza awo ambiri amasokonekera pakapita nthawi.” Chikachitika chisudzulo, mabanja, mabwenzi ndi mabwenzi angakhale pachiwopsezo chifukwa chakuti angakhale kumbali ya m’banja mmodzi kapenanso winayo.
3. Sikuti ndikukonza pompopompo pazovuta zanu
“Chisudzulo sichiri chothetsera mwamsanga chimene chidzathetsa mavuto anu onse ndi masoka anu, koma ndi njira mwa iyo yokha, ndipo imene imabwera ndi mavuto akeake, zopinga zapamsewu ndi nthaŵi zosautsa.
“Kugwirizana kwa okwatirana kumafunikira ntchito, ndipo ntchitoyo iyenera kuchitidwa tsiku ndi tsiku osati molakwika kapena pamene mukuikonda.” Chotero, musanalingalire za chisudzulo monga njira yopulumukira, lingalirani mosamalitsa mavuto anu ndi kuwona ngati ndi mmene mungawathetsere,” akutero Shazia. Zakudya zoganizira, simukuganiza? Chabwino, ndi chifukwa chabwino chokwanira kuyang'ana njira zopangira chisudzulo.
4. Zotsatira zoyipa kwa ana
Ngati pali ana okhudzidwa, chiyambukiro choipa pa iwo mosakayikira chiri pakati pa kuipa kwakukulu kwa chisudzulo. “Ngati anawo ali aang’ono, kusudzulana kwa makolo kumawabweretsera mavuto 100 peresenti nthawi zonse. zotsatira za chisudzulo pa ana ziyenera kuganiziridwa.
“Iwo adakali aang’ono kwambiri moti sangawone makolo awo achikulire aŵiri okhala ndi nkhani kapena zolakwa zawozawo, kapena kumvetsa chifukwa chimene makolo awo angalingalire chisudzulo monga chosankha choyenera kwa iwo eni ndi banja.” Kuwonjezera pa zimenezi mantha achiweruzo ochokera kwa anzawo kapena chitaganya, ndipo kulekana kwa makolo kungakhale chokumana nacho chopweteka kwambiri chimene chingamvekenso m’moyo wawo wauchikulire,” akufotokoza motero Shazia. Panthawi imeneyi, ukwati womasuka m’malo mwa chisudzulo umawoneka ngati lingaliro labwino.
5. Kuyambiranso kungakhale kochititsa mantha
"Moyo wanu ukakhala wolumikizana kwambiri, kuwagawanitsa ndikuyambanso kumakhala koopsa," akutero Shazia. Kodi mumayambira pati kulekanitsa moyo womwe mwamanga limodzi, njerwa ndi njerwa, pazaka zambiri? Ndani angasunge sofa yoyamba yomwe mudagula pogulitsa garaja? Nanga bwanji zithunzi za pamalo oimikira usiku? Kodi zingakhale bwanji kukhala m'nyumba yatsopano pambuyo pa zaka zonsezi? Kodi mumadziwa bwanji kuti ndinu osakwatiwa?
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6. Kusiya kukhulupirirana
Chimodzi mwa kuipa kopundutsa kwa chisudzulo nchakuti ukwati wosokonekera ukhoza kukuchititsani kukhala wozama kwambiri. nkhani za trust. Zowonjezereka ngati chifukwa cha chisudzulo ndi kusakhulupirika - kukhala mu mawonekedwe a kusakhulupirika kapena kunama. Shazia anati: “Munthu amene banja lake linatha zingamuvute kwambiri kukhulupirira munthu amene ali naye pachibwenzi.” Zimenezi zingawalepheretse kukhala ndi mabwenzi ozama komanso odalirika n’kuyambanso chibwenzi.
7. Mavuto a kulera okha ana
Ichi chikumveka ngati chifukwa chabwino chokhalira ndi moyo wina m’malo mwa chisudzulo. Ngati pali ana amene akukhudzidwa, kholo limene limakhala ndi udindo wolera yekha anawo liyenera kulimbana ndi mavuto ambirimbiri amene amabwera chifukwa chokhala kholo limodzi. Kuwongolera chilichonse kuyambira kusukulu mpaka kusukulu zakunja kwinaku akuwongolera ntchito ndi maudindo ocheza nawo kungakhale ulendo wotopetsa komanso wosungulumwa.
Mungafunikire kuyimitsa mbali zingapo za moyo wanu mpaka mwana (ana) atakula ndi kudziimira payekha. Ichi ndi chifukwa chake kucheza ngati single mother kapena abambo amawoneka ngati maloto akutali kwa anthu ambiri osudzulana. Chotsatirapo chake cha kusoŵa chigwirizano chapamtima chingawonjezerenso malingaliro a kusungulumwa amene amabwera pambuyo pa chisudzulo.
Njira 5 Zothetsera Chisudzulo Mungaganizire
Poganizira kuipa kwa chisudzulo kumeneku, mungafune kufufuza njira zina za moyo m’malo mwa kusudzulana kapena kuchitapo kanthu akatswiri komwe kungathandize kupulumutsa ubwenzi wanu ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu. Inde, malinga ngati banja lanu silikuyenda bwino komanso lopanda thanzi kwa onse okhudzidwa, kuphatikizapo ana, palibe vuto poganizira njira zina zaukwati wopanda chisangalalo.
Achipatala Dr Aman Bhonsle (PhD, PGDTA), yemwe amagwira ntchito yopereka upangiri paubwenzi ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, akutchula njira 5 zomwe mungayesere m’malo mwa chisudzulo, malingana ndi mmene banja lanu lilili kapena mavuto amene mukukumana nawo:
1. Njira Yotulukiranso
Dr Bhonsle anati: “Nthawi zambiri, mabanja amafika pachimake chifukwa chakuti okwatirana amalephera kugwirizana chifukwa chotengeka ndi zinthu za tsiku ndi tsiku zimene zimachititsa kuti moyo wawo uziyenda bwino.
“N’kwachibadwa kuti kusakhutira kuloŵe m’ubwenzi woterowo, umene ukhoza kuyambitsa mikangano yosalekeza ndi mikangano ya kaŵirikaŵiri, kuchititsa okwatirana kukhulupirira kuti ukwati udzatha ndipo chisudzulo ndicho njira yokha yopulumukira.
“Zikatero, pofufuza njira zina za kupatukana m’banja zomwe zingathe kutha m’chisudzulo, ndi bwino kuyamba ndi chipatso chotsika kwambiri.” Pangani nthawi ndi kuyesetsa kuti muzindikirenso ndi kumvetsana wina ndi mnzake ndi kuonanso zamoyo zomwe mudagawana nazo popuma pafupipafupi, kupita kutchuthi, kukonza masiku okhudzana ndi inu monga okwatirana, ndipo nthawi zonse muziika patsogolo.
“Tsopano, sindikunena kuti kupita patchuthi chimodzi kungachititse kuti banja lithe.” kutopa mu ubale Vutoli lingathandize okwatirana kuona kuti kuthetsa ukwati si njira yokhayo imene angachitire. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa njira zosavuta kwambiri za moyo m'malo mwa chisudzulo zomwe ziyenera kufufuzidwa musanachitepo kanthu kuti mutuluke."
2. Uphungu wa kusudzulana
Ngati kusiyana kwanu kapena nkhani zanu zili zozama kwambiri kapena zokhazikika kuposa kungokhala osalumikizana, ndiye kuti kufunafuna upangiri wothetsa banja kungakhale njira imodzi yabwino kwambiri yopezera banja losasangalala. “Lankhulani ndi katswiri amene angamvetse kusiyana kwanuko ndi mikangano yanu komanso akudziwitseni kumene kukuchokera ndi zimene mungachite kuti muthetse.
“Uphungu wachisudzulo kapena chithandizo cha banja ikhoza kukhala imodzi mwa njira zosiyanitsira kusudzulana kumene banja limakhala losautsika ndi nkhani monga kakhalidwe kolerera kapena kakhalidwe kosiyana ndi kakhalidwe. Mwachitsanzo, ngati m’modzi amayenda ulendo wautali wopita kuntchito ndipo winayo sakonda kuyenda, mtunda wokhazikika ukhoza kupangitsa kuti pakhale kusiyana.
“Mofananamo, ngati m’banja mmodzi ali wochezeka kwambiri ndi wochezeka ndipo winayo alibe, zosoŵa ndi ziyembekezo zosagwirizana zingakhale magwero a mikangano yosalekeza.” Kugwira ntchito ndi mlangizi wophunzitsidwa bwino ndi wodziŵa zambiri kungakuthandizeni kupeza njira yothetsera kusiyana kumeneku,” akutero Dr Bhonsle.
3. Kuthetsa banja
Ngati uphungu sukuwoneka ngati woyenera kapena onse awiri sali pa tsamba limodzi pankhaniyi, kuyanjana kwa chisudzulo Zingakhalenso zothandiza. “Mungathe kupita kwa wachibale kapena mnzanu wodalirika amene mumamasuka naye n’kukupemphani kuti akupatseni malangizo okuthandizani kuthetsa vuto lanulo.
Ngati kuthetsa vuto lanu sikukuwoneka ngati kuli kotheka, munthu uyu atha kukuthandizaninso kupeza njira zina zothanirana ndi zisudzulo monga kukhala paokha kapena kusintha momwe banja lanu likuyendera, ndi zina zotero.
“Komabe, n’kofunika kwambiri kuti wosankhidwayo akhale munthu amene angathandize kuthetsa kusiyanako osati kulikulitsa mwa kubweretsa maganizo awoawo ndi katundu wawo.” Winawake kulalikira kapena kungokuuzani kuti mulime ndi kupirira ndiye chinthu chomaliza chimene mungafunikire pamene ukwati wanu watsala pang’ono kutha ndipo mukuganizira njira zina m’malo mopatukana m’banja,” akulangiza motero Dr Bhonsle.
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4. Kutanthauziranso ukwati
Malinga ndi Dr Bhonsle, kufunikira kolankhula momveka bwino komanso moona mtima sikungatsindike mokwanira, posatengera kuti muli pagawo liti laubwenzi. "Momwemo m'malo antchito mumakhala ndimisonkhano yamabungwe komwe okhudzidwa osiyanasiyana amakumana kuti awone zomwe zikuyenda ndi zomwe sizikuyenda, khalani ndi zokambirana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu.
"Kodi aliyense wa inu akumva bwanji pazachuma, m'malingaliro, mwakuthupi, m'zogonana? Kodi mkhalidwe wanu wasintha bwanji? Kodi pali zovuta zilizonse zomwe zikuchulukirachulukira kuntchito? Ndi zina zotero. Izi ndizofunikira chifukwa anthu amakula ndikusintha pakapita nthawi, mopangidwa ndi zomwe akumana nazo. Ngati simunakhalepo ndi zokambirana izi m'mbuyomu, ndizotheka kuti chimodzi mwazosowa zanu, zomwe mukufuna, ziyembekezo ndi zokhumba za munthu wina zasintha kwathunthu.
Monga akunena, mochedwa kuposa kale. Kambiranani izi tsopano ndipo mwina mudzapeza mfundo zomwe mungagwirizane nazo zofotokozeranso banja lanu m'njira yovomerezeka kwa onse awiri. Mawu ofotokozedwanso amatha kukhala olimba mtima ngati kusankha a ukwati wotseguka m’malo mwa chisudzulo.
Kapenanso zosayembekezereka monga kukhala muukwati wa makolo - kumene mumaganiza zokhala pamodzi chifukwa cha ana, kukhala motalikirana koma pamodzi - kumene mumakhala mosiyana koma mumagwira ntchito monga banja limodzi, kapena kukhala pamodzi koma motalikirana - kumene mumakhalira limodzi koma mukukhala moyo wa munthu payekha kuposa zina zomwe mwagwirizana. Si njira yoyipa m'banja yoti muganizirepo.
5. Kulekana kwa mayesero
Ngati zina zonse zikulephera, mutha kuyesa a kulekana kwa mayesero ngati imodzi mwa njira zochotsera chisudzulo. Kupatukana kwakanthawi ndi imodzi mwa njira zomwe zimalangizidwa mwamphamvu pamene okwatirana akuganiza zosudzulana chifukwa zimakupatsirani chidziwitso cha zomwe kusakhala pamodzi kungamve ngati musanayike chidindo chalamulo pa chisankho chanu.
“Khalani kutali kwa wina ndi mnzake kwa kanthaŵi.” Mmodzi wa okwatiranawo akhoza kusamuka, ndipo amapita popanda kuonana kapena kulankhulana kwa nthaŵi imene mwasankha.
Mwinamwake, mudzawona kuti kusudzulana sikuli njira yokhayo yopulumukira. Kapena kulekana kwachiyeso kungakutsimikizireni kuti kuthetsa ukwati ndi chinthu choyenera kuchita. Mulimonsemo, mudzakhala otsimikiza za chisankho chomaliza chomwe mungapange.
Sikuti ukwati uliwonse ungathe kupulumutsidwa, osati ukwati uliwonse umene uli ndi mavuto kuthera m’chisudzulo. Njira zopangira izi zachisudzulo zingakupatseni mwayi pa chiyambi chatsopano kapena pang'onopang'ono kupanga njira yopatukana kukhala yopweteka kwambiri.
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