Kodi Amuna Okwatirana Amasowa Akazi Awo - Zifukwa 6 Zomwe Amachitira Ndi Zizindikiro 7

Kuchita chigololo, ngakhale kunyozedwa, kumakhala kofala kwambiri. Amuna makamaka amakhala ndi mbiri yoyipa pakuchita chinyengo pachibwenzi. Studies amanena kuti pafupifupi 20% ya amuna okwatira amabera, chiwerengero chokwera kusiyana ndi 13% ya akazi. Izi zimadzutsa mafunso ambiri m’maganizo mwa munthu, monga “N’chifukwa chiyani amuna amabera akazi awo? kapena “Kodi amuna okwatira amawasowa ambuye awo?”

Kuti ndiyankhe mafunso awa ndi ena, ndinalankhula Aditi Ghatole, mlangizi wodalirika wa zamaganizo yemwe amagwira ntchito za LGBTQ ndi upangiri wapafupi komanso upangiri wokhudzana ndi kupatukana ndi kusudzulana, zibwenzi zakunja, kutha kwa mabanja, maubwenzi ozunza, nkhani zofananira, komanso mikangano yazachuma.

N'chifukwa Chiyani Amuna Okwatirana Ali ndi Amuna?

Monga momwe kafukufuku watchulidwa pamwambapa adapeza, amuna amakonda kusokera pachibwenzi. Choncho kumvetsa chifukwa chake amabera m’pofunika kumvetsanso kwambiri nkhani imeneyi. Aditi anawonjezera kuti: “Njira ndi zifukwa zimene amuna ndi akazi amachitira chinyengo pa kugonana kwa amuna ndi akazi zimasiyana mosiyanasiyana.

Kafukufuku wo Haywood Hunt & Associates Inc Investigation Services imatsimikizira zomwezo. Iwo adapeza kuti 44% ya abambo omwe adabera adanena kuti amachita izi chifukwa chofuna kugonana kwambiri pomwe 40% ya abambo amati amafuna kusiyanasiyana pakugonana.

Wogwiritsa ntchito Quora, yemwe wakhala ndi maubwenzi awiri opitirirabe ndi amuna okwatira, akuti, "Ndinali m'zaka zanga za 20 ndipo anali wamkulu kwambiri. Kwa iye, ndikuganiza kuti makamaka ankafuna kukhala ndi mnzako wogonana yemwe angakhutiritse zina mwa zilakolako zake za kinkier. Ubale wanga wina unayamba pamene tonse tinali pafupi zaka 50.

Anthu amabera ndi ambuye angapo pazifukwa zosiyanasiyana, chifukwa ubale ndi anthu ndizovuta. Zifukwa zandalama zimagwiranso ntchito pazovutazi. Bungwe la American Sociological Association (ASA) linanena kuti 15 peresenti ya amuna omwe amadalira ndalama za mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo amabera. Iwo adanenanso kuti anyamata ndi omwe amatha kubera ngati pali kusiyana pakati pa kapezedwe ka ndalama ndipo amuna sangabere ngati apeza ndalama zokwana 70 peresenti ya ndalama zapakhomo.

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Kodi Amuna Amakonda Mbuye Wawo Wanthawi Yaitali?

Ndinafunsa Aditi ngati amuna okwatira amakondadi ambuye awo akale. Iye anati: “Pankhani ya chikondi, timathadi kukonda kwambiri kuposa munthu mmodzi, motero pali polyamory.”

Ndikuganiza kuti zimatengeranso chomwe chikondi chili kwa inu, chinenero chanu chachikondi ndi chiyani ndi momwe mumasiyanitsira pakati pa kupeza chosowa ndi kukonda munthu wina. Monga momwe timadziŵira kaŵirikaŵiri, chikondi chimaposa kutengeka maganizo, chikondi chimaposa kugonana, ndipo chikondi chimaposa kusangalala. Ndiko kuwafunira zabwino, kufuna kuwasamalira, ndi kuwafuna kuti akhale osangalala m’miyoyo yawo. Ndikofunikira ndiye kufotokozera zomwe chikondi ndi chilakolako zimatanthauza kwa munthu payekha.

Pamene ndinali kufufuza kuti ndimvetse bwino ngati amuna okwatira angathe kukonda wokondedwa wawo wa nthawi yaitali, ndinapunthwa pa munthu wosadziwika wa Quora yemwe amati, "Ndimakonda wanga (mbuye), ndipo ndimadana ndi chizindikirocho. Pali zinthu zambiri m'moyo wanga zomwe zimandikumbutsa za iye ndikaziwona, ali mbali ya moyo wanga tsopano. Ndimamukonda kwambiri.

Mfundo yaikulu ikuwoneka kuti ndi zotheka mwamtheradi kuti mwamuna apitirize kukonda mbuye wake wa nthawi yaitali mwa iye chibwenzi cha nthawi yayitali. Aditi amatchulanso chinthu chofunika kwambiri. Iye anati: “Mulimonse mmene zingakhalire, kubera kumakhala kuphwanya kukhulupirirana, kaya kukhala mwamuna kapena mkazi mmodzi kapena kukhala ndi makolo ambiri.”

Zifukwa 6 Amuna Okwatirana Amaphonya Akazi Awo

N’chifukwa chiyani amuna okwatira amawasowa ambuye awo? Kaya akufunafuna chikondi, kuthawa, kapena kungosangalala ndi chisamaliro ndi chisangalalo, pali zifukwa zambiri zomwe amuna okwatira angabere akazi awo ndikusowa okondedwa awo.

A phunziro zomwe cholinga chake chinali kufufuza zinthu zomwe zimalimbikitsa ndi kulepheretsa chilakolako cha kugonana kwa amuna mu maubwenzi ogonana kwa nthawi yaitali adapeza kuti chilakolako chogonana cha amuna chikhoza kukhala chovuta komanso chogwirizana kuposa momwe timakhulupirira. Zinthu zisanu ndi chimodzi zomwe zimalimbikitsa ndi kulepheretsa zilakolako za amuna zogonana ndi izi:

• Kumverera kufuna
• Kugonana kosangalatsa komanso kosayembekezereka
• Kulankhulana mwapamtima
• kukanidwa
• Matenda a thupi ndi makhalidwe oipa
• Kupanda kugwirizana maganizo ndi mnzanu

Ngati ina kapena ina mwa mikhalidwe imeneyi inakwaniritsidwa kunja kwa ukwati, ndiye kuti mwachibadwa, amuna okwatira amaphonya ambuye awo ngakhale atathetsa chibwenzicho. Ngati mukuganiza kuti chifukwa chiyani mwamuna wokwatiwa amaphonya ambuye ake, pansipa pali mafotokozedwe ena.

1. Amuna okwatira amasowa mbuye wawo chifukwa amaphonya kugonana

Kwa amuna ena, kukhala pachibwenzi ndi azikazi angapo nthawi zambiri kumakhala kokhudzana ndi kugonana ndipo sikungakhale kwachikondi kapena kuyanjana. Ndi zosowa zogonana zomwe sizinakwaniritsidwe, mwina zotsatira za ukwati wosagonana zimenezo zimawasokeretsa pa malumbiro awo aukwati. Aditi anawonjezera kuti: “Kukambitsirana ponena za kugonana sikungachitike m’banja.

Mkazi winayo (kapena akazi) kaŵirikaŵiri amapereka zimene amuna ameneŵa akusoŵa, ndi pangano lopanda zingwe zomangika, poyambapo, . Iye akhoza kupereka ubwenzi wakuthupi umene iye amaphonya ndipo iye akhoza kukwaniritsa zokhumba zake pa zofuna zake.

2. Amasowa chisangalalo chokhala ndi chibwenzi

Timamufunsa Aditi: N'chifukwa chiyani amuna okwatira amasowa ambuye awo? Iye anati: “Malamulo oti akhale ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi mmodzi akaphwanyidwa, pamakhala chisangalalo chaubwenzi wosakhalitsa.” Zowona, chibwenzi chimabweretsa chisangalalo ndi ulendo, motero chibadwa cha chibwenzi. Pali kulimba muubwenzi womwe amagawana ndi mbuye wawo womwe mwina wasowa m'banja lawo.

Amuna amene amabera kaŵirikaŵiri amalakalaka zimene ukwati wawo sungathe kuwapezera. Pamene mbuye abwera pachithunzichi, amatha kupereka chidutswa chosowacho. Pali malingaliro okhudzika ndi chidwi pakuchita kusakhulupirika chifukwa kwenikweni ndikuthawa zenizeni. Kuopsa kwake kumapangitsa chisangalalocho kukhala chenicheni ndipo ndicho chimodzi mwa zifukwa zomwe mwamuna wokwatira amasowa mbuye wake.

3. Amaphonya kuyamikiridwa ndi kutsimikizira

Amuna angachite chigololo chifukwa chofuna chisamaliro ndi kutamandidwa kumene kungakhale kulibe m’banja. Izi ndizofala kwambiri chifukwa sitidziwa momwe tingapatse munthu chidwi mu ubale. Amuna omwe amafunikira kutsimikizira umuna wawo amaganiza kuti mbuye ndi zomwe amafunikira. Angafune kumva mawu otsimikizira, chosoŵa chimene chinganyalanyazidwe ndi mkazi amene watopa ndi kuyang’anira banja ndi kusamalira ukwati.

4. N’chifukwa chiyani amuna okwatira amawasowa ambuye awo? Amasowa chidwi

Ngati muli ndi munthu woteroyo ndikupitirizabe kudabwa chifukwa chake "mwamuna wokwatiwa akubwerera kwa ine", izi zikhoza kukhala chimodzi mwa zifukwa. N’zachionekere kuti angasowe aliyense amene amam’patsa chisamaliro chimene wakhala akuchilakalaka. Akakhala ndi mbuye wake, onse amapeza nthawi yosagawanika.

Roberto, yemwe wakhala m’banja kwa zaka 10 zapitazi ndipo wakhala pachibwenzi kwa miyezi 6 yapitayo, anati: “Ndinkangoona ngati palibe m’banja langa, monga mmene ndinalili m’banja, koma mkazi wanga sankandiona.

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5. Amalephera kukwaniritsa zosowa zawo zomwe sanakwaniritsidwe

Aditi akunena kuti, "Kubera kumachitika pamene munthu akufuna kufunafuna zolimbikitsa zambiri - kaya ndi maganizo, nzeru, kugonana, makhalidwe abwino, kapena filosofi - chinachake chomwe chikusoweka pa ubale wawo wamakono."

Pakhoza kukhala zosowa zambiri zosakwanira zomwe mwamuna amakwaniritsa ndi ambuye ake. Ichi chikhoza kukhala chimodzi mwazifukwa zomwe amasowa wokondedwa wawo nthawi ndi nthawi. Nthawi zambiri, zosowa zathu zosakwaniritsidwa zimayamba chifukwa cha kusamvetsetsa zosowa zathu zenizeni komanso kulephera kapena kusowa kuyankhulana paubwenzi.

6. Amasowa kukhumbitsidwa

Rachel, amene wakhala paubwenzi ndi mwamuna wokwatira kwa miyezi 6 yapitayo, anati: “Mwamuna wina wokwatiwa amangobwera kwa ine ngakhale nditakambitsirana naye kuti zimenezi sizingayende bwino, ndipo ananena kuti sankafuna m’banja lake.

A phunziro opangidwa ndi Murray ndi Brotto adapeza kuti kumva kukhumbitsidwa kunali kofunika kwambiri kwa amuna omwe amagonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha muubwenzi wapamtima. Pali njira zingapo zomwe amakhudzidwira, zomwe ambiri adasiya ntchito zachikhalidwe monga kukhudza zachikondi, osagonana, komanso kuti akazi ayambe kuchita zogonana. Izi zikusonyeza kuti malingaliro ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha sangakhale olondola pazochitika zonse zogonana za amuna.

Chotero n’zotheka kuti mwamuna wokwatira angadzimve kukhala wosayamikiridwa ndi wosafunidwa ndi mkazi wake. Zoona zatsiku ndi tsiku za moyo zimatha kupangitsanso kuphulika pakati pawo kuzimiririka. Zikatero, kukhala ndi mbuye ndi njira yopezera zina mwa zilakolako zomwe zidatayika komanso ubale weniweni m'moyo wake, ngakhale zitakhala zowopsa zamalingaliro ndi zochita zake.

Zizindikiro 7 Kuti Mwamuna Amasowa Mbuye Wake

Sitilekerera kusakhulupirika, koma tsopano popeza tawerenga za zifukwa zomwe amuna amalowa muzochita, ndizomveka chifukwa chake amasowa okondedwa awo. Nazi zizindikiro zina zomwe mwamuna akusowa mbuye wake.

1. Amamufikira pafupipafupi

Ngati mwamuna akuphulitsa ma DM a mbuye wake kapena kuwaimbira foni kuposa masiku onse, ndicho chizindikiro chotsimikizika kuti wamusowa. Chizindikiro china ngati amayankha mameseji ake kapena kuyimba nthawi yomweyo. Mwachionekere akufunitsitsa kukhala ndi mkazi wake wina ngati nthaŵi zonse amadzipezera yekha. Ichi ndi chizindikiro kuti wakusowani, mbuye wake ndipo akufuna kuti mubwerere.

2. Amafuna kukumana naye pafupipafupi

Ndichizindikiro kuti akusowa mbuye wake ngati atachokapo kuti amuthandize ndikupeza nthawi yoti amuwone ngakhale ali wotanganidwa. Akamuona amamuchitira zinthu zabwino komanso amachita zinthu zimene iye amakonda, ngakhale zitakhala zosiyana ndi zake.

3. Amamupatsa mphatso zomuganizira

Ngati amamupatsa mphatso zoganiza bwino ndikuyang'ana zomwe amakonda kuti amwetulire, ndiye kuti amawasowa mbuye wake. Iye akuyesetsa ndipo akupita kukagula mphatso zomwe zili ndi tanthauzo lamalingaliro kwa iye.

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4. Amawonekera kwa iye

Ngati amamuwonetsa nthawi ndi nthawi pamene sakuyembekezera, ndiye kuti ndi chizindikiro champhamvu kuti mwamunayo akusowa mbuye wake. Ngati adikirira kunja kwa ofesi yake kapena kuwonekera kwa dokotala wake popanda kufunsa, ndiye kuti amusowa. Izi zikusonyeza kuti sangathe kukhala patali kwa nthawi yaitali. Izi zikusonyeza kuti amamukonda koma akubisa.

5. Amalankhula za iye

Izi zitha kukhala zovuta chifukwa mbuye nthawi zambiri amakhala chinsinsi chomwe amasunga ndipo ndicho zovuta kukhala ndi chibwenzi ndi mwamuna wokwatira. Koma ngati sangaleke kumutchula mwa njira ina kwa anzake kapena antchito anzake, ndiye kuti ndi chizindikiro chakuti mwamuna wokwatira wasowa mbuye wake. Akakumana ndi mnzake, amamufunsa za iye kapena amangotchula dzina lake.

6. Iye amalankhula kwambiri za mmene akumvera pa iye

Mwinamwake amamutumizira DMS yambiri pa Instagram ndi zinthu zomwe zimagwirizana ndi malingaliro ake kwa iye. Sangakhale pachiwopsezo pamalingaliro ndi malingaliro ake ndi mnzake, koma amakhala womasuka ndi wokondedwa wake. Iyi ndi njira imodzi yodziwira kuti mwamuna wokwatira wasowa mbuye wake. Akuyesera kufotokoza momwe akuganizira za iye ndipo akumusowa ngakhale kwa amuna zovuta kufotokoza zakukhosi.

7. Amalankhula zinthu mwachisawawa kuti zokambirana zipitirire

Ngati alankhula zinthu mwachisawawa ndi mbuye wake kuti atalikitse nthawi yocheza naye, ndiye kuti ndi chizindikiro kuti amamusowa kuposa momwe amamukhulupirira. Mwamuna wokwatira akamacheza nanu, akukutumizirani mameseji, kapena kukuimbirani foni ndipo sakufuna kuti kukambirana kwanu kuthe, nthawi zambiri amatanthauza kuti amakukondani ndipo amakusowani kwambiri.

Kubera si njira yothetsera zotsatira za kunyenga pachibwenzi kungakhale kwakuti okwatirana onse amadzimva osokonezeka, okwiya, ndi okanthidwa ndi chisoni m’banja. Chisudzulo chimakondanso kukhala chokwera pambuyo poti chibwenzi chachitika. Kafukufuku wasonyeza kuti pafupifupi 40 peresenti ya mabanja otere amatha kusudzulana, ndipo okwatirana ambiri amaona kuti akunyengerera. Ngati munthu wokwatira wachita zachinyengo, m’pofunika kuti aganizire za tsogolo labwino kwambiri: kuthetsa banja kapena kulisunga.

Ibibazo

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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.