Zizindikiro 9 Zakusokoneza Mopanda Ubwino Mu Ubale

Ngati mukuganiza kuti kukhala pachibwenzi ndi kuwala kwadzuwa ndi utawaleza, ndiye kuti simungakhale olakwika kwambiri. Nthawi zina kumakhala mitambo yakuda ndi mabingu. Mudzayenera kudutsa kusagwirizana kwakukulu mu chiyanjano kuti mupitirize kuyenda bwino. Ngati palibe kulolerana muubwenzi, mutha kugunda mwachangu.

Kuti timvetse kusiyana pakati pa mgwirizano wabwino ndi wosakhala wabwino, tinalankhula ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Namrata Sharma (Masters in Applied Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri wa zaumoyo wamaganizo komanso wolimbikitsa SRHR ndipo ndi katswiri wopereka uphungu pa maubwenzi oipa, zoopsa, chisoni, nkhani zaubwenzi, nkhanza zokhudzana ndi amuna ndi akazi komanso nkhanza zapakhomo. Iye anati, “Tikamalankhula za mgwirizano wabwino muubwenzi, ndikofunikira kuti onse awiri azivomerezane nawo.”

"Ngati m'modzi yekha akunyengerera, ndiye kuti sikuli bwino mwanjira ina iliyonse. Zikuwonetsa bwino momwe ubalewo ungakhalire woyipa." Kukakamizidwa, kulemedwa kwaubwenzi kumakhala pamunthu m'modzi yekha. Mwachitsanzo, ngati bwenzi m'modzi nthawi zonse akuyembekezera kuti wina anyengerera, kaya ndi kupita kokacheza ndi abwenzi kupita kuphwando kapena kuyembekezera kuti achite ndikuchita mwanjira inayake pomwe winayo angachite kapena kuchita zinthu mwanjira yomwe sangavomereze. wathanzi.”

Kulolerana muubwenzi ndi kwachibadwa, kofala komanso kwathanzi chifukwa palibe anthu awiri omwe amafuna kapena amakonda zinthu zofanana. Koma ngati mukuona kuti nthawi zonse ndinu amene muyenera kunyengerera kapena ndinu amene nthawi zonse kugonjera zofuna za mnzanuyo ndi zofuna zake, ndiye kuti ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za kusagwirizana kosayenera mu ubwenzi. 

Chifukwa Chiyani Kugwirizana Ndikofunikira Paubwenzi

Tisanayambe ndi tsatanetsatane wa mgwirizano wosavulaza muubwenzi, ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa kusiyana pakati pa mgwirizano ndi kudzimana. Mgwirizano, womwe umathandiza inu ndi mnzanu kukula pamodzi ngati gulu ndi wabwino, pomwe mgwirizano woipa ungatchulidwe ngati nsembe ndipo pali zinthu zingapo zomwe simuyenera kusagwirizana muubwenzi.

Mutha kuyembekezera kuti mnzanuyo anyengerera kapena inuyo mungakhale wonyengerera kuti mulimbikitse kukhulupirirana, kudalirika komanso chitetezo paubwenzi. Koma pamene kulolerana kumeneku kumayang’ana pa kupindulira zokhumba za munthu mmodzi yekha ndi chimwemwe, zingatanthauzidwe mopepuka kukhala kulolerana kosayenera muunansi. 

Namrata akuti, "Palibe anthu awiri omwe amabadwa mofanana. Tonsefe timakhala ndi katundu wathu chifukwa cha ubwana wathu ndi maubwenzi akale. Tonse takhala ndi zochitika zosiyanasiyana m'moyo. Pamene anthu awiri abwera pamodzi, cholinga chachikulu ndicho kumvetsetsana. Chofunikira chachikulu cha kulolerana ndicho kuyanjana mwamtendere ndi mogwirizana.

“Kunyengerera paubwenzi n’kofunika kuti mukhazikitse malo oti nonse muzitha kumvetserana wina ndi mnzake, kuti mukhale ndi malo opanda kuweruzana amene mungalankhule chilichonse ndi kukhala omasuka ku zokumana nazo zatsopano.” M’pofunikanso kwambiri chifukwa ngati simutero, simungathe kukhulupirirana ndipo kukhulupirirana n’kumene kumamanga ubale wanu.

"Pamene palibe mgwirizano, zimakhala ngati mukukhala nokha muubwenzi, ngati kuti muli ndi munthu winayo chifukwa cha dzina lake. Pali malangizo ambiri oti mugwirizane muukwati moyenera. Ngati mukufuna kusangalala ndi zabwino ndikupulumuka zoyipa m'moyo, muyenera kugwirizana muubwenzi. Zokwera ndi zovuta zaubwenzi zimatha kuyendetsedwa ndikusangalatsidwa pokhapokha ngati pali kulumikizana ndi mgwirizano muubwenzi popanda kudzisintha nokha."

“Pamene muchitira munthu wina kanthu kena m’njira ya kulolerana, kumapanga unansi wozama ndi mnzanuyo, kumakulitsa unansi wanu, umene ungalimbitse unansi wanu.

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Zizindikiro 9 Zakusokoneza Mopanda Ubwino Mu Ubale

Kulankhulana ndi kuvomerezana muubwenzi zimayendera limodzi. Kuti muvomereze, muyenera kulankhulana ndikuthetsa kusiyana mwa kugwirizana ndi kuvomerezana. Mavuto olankhulana muubwenzi ndi ofala kwambiri. Ndi pamene tikukula m'moyo ndikutenga nawo mbali muubwenzi wosiyanasiyana pomwe timaphunzira tanthauzo la kuvomerezana ndi momwe tingavomereze muubwenzi popanda kudzisintha tokha.

Iye anati: “Tiyerekeze kuti mwamuna ndi mkazi akuyesa kugula nyumba ndi kufunafuna njira zopezera ndalama zambiri.

Kugwirizana kuyenera kukhala kogwirizana mbali zonse ziwiri. Ngati sikuli bwino, ndiye kuti ubale wonse uli pachiwopsezo chosweka ngati nyumba yamakhadi. Si chinthu chosavuta kuchita ndi luso. Ndi chinthu chomwe timaphunzira kuchita ndi chisomo ndi kukoma mtima chifukwa cha anthu omwe timawakonda komanso kuwakonda. Kukoma mtima ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri muubwenzi . Nazi zina mwa zizindikiro za mgwirizano wosayenerera muubwenzi zomwe munthu sayenera kuziona ngati kupereka ndi kulandira bwino.

1. Kunyalanyaza kudzilemekeza

Musalole kuti kudzilemekeza kwanu kukhale kovuta, kaya ndi m'moyo wanu watsiku ndi tsiku ndi anthu ena kapena ubale wofunika. Ndikofunikira kwambiri kuzindikira kuti ndinu ofunika ndipo musalole kuti wina aliyense akupangitseni kudziona ngati ndinu osafunika. Tisasokoneze kudzilemekeza ndi kudzikuza. Kudzilemekeza ndi ulemu womwe mumadzipatsa nokha pomwe kudzikuza ndi kudzikuza komwe kumakupangitsani kumvetsetsa bwino za inu monga munthu.

Ngati mnzanu nthawi zonse amakugwetsani pansi ndipo sachita kunyengerera muubwenzi, ndiye kuti ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu zofiira. Tiyerekeze awirinu mukupita kuphwando ndipo mwavala diresi lokongola. Wokondedwa wanu akukupemphani kuti musinthe chifukwa sakufuna kuti "mukope chidwi kwambiri" kapena anganenenso mawu ngati "Sukuwoneka bwino pamavalidwe amenewo. Chonde sinthani". 

Mumadziwa kalembedwe kanu ndipo mumadziwa momwe mungawonekere bwino. Sizingawonekere kukhala vuto lalikulu kusintha kavalidwe mnzako akakakamira koma zinthu izi nthawi zonse zimayamba pang'ono. Mudzayamba kumverera kuti mukunyalanyaza kudzilemekeza kwanu polola wokondedwa wanu kupeza njira yawo. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa zitsanzo za kulolerana kosayenera muubwenzi.

2. Pamene palibe ntchito yamagulu

Namrata akuti, "Kulolerana muubwenzi kuyenera kukhala kugwira ntchito limodzi ndipo kugwira ntchito limodzi ndi chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kuziyang'ana muubwenzi . Pamene mgwirizanowo wafika pamlingo woti umve ngati iwe wekha ndiwe amene ukuyesetsa kuti ubalewo upitirire ndipo iwe wekha ndiwe amene ukugonjera zofuna ndi zofuna za winayo, ndiye kuti mnzanuyo sakufuna kulolerana muubwenzi."

Kugwirira ntchito limodzi kumathandiza kuti pakhale ubwenzi ndi kukhulupirika muubwenzi. Ndi imodzi mwa njira zomwe anthu awiri ali pachibwenzi amafikira cholinga chimodzi. Ndipo ndicho ndendende cholinga cha kunyengerera mu ubale komanso. Ngati gululo siligwirizana, wina akukana kulolera muubwenzi.

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3. Akadutsa malire

Ngati simunakhazikitse malire ndi mnzanu, ndi nthawi yoti mukhale pansi ndikukambirana za izi chifukwa kulankhulana ndi mgwirizano muubwenzi ndizofunikira kwambiri. Pali malire abwino a ubale omwe muyenera kutsatira. Ngati mukhala chete pa malire chifukwa simukufuna kuvulaza mnzanu, zingayambitse kusamvana kwakukulu pambuyo pake.

Namrata akuti, "Malire ndi anu komanso okhudza inu. Atha kukhala chilichonse kuyambira malire akuthupi mpaka malire amalingaliro ndi azachuma. Ngati mnzanuyo sakufuna kunyengerera muubwenzi, mungafune kuganizira momwe kuika malire kungawongolere izi."

4. Mukasiya kudzizindikira

Namrata anati, “Tiyerekeze kuti mnzanu wasiya kulankhula nanu ndipo wasonyeza khalidwe lotentha komanso lozizira kwa inu kapena ali ndi khalidwe lokakamiza muubwenzi . Mumachita zonse zomwe mungathe kuti musangalatse mnzanuyo koma khama lanu lonse ndi zololera zanu sizipita pachabe. Mumameza ndi kuchepetsa ulemu wanu kuti muwapatse mwayi wochuluka. Posachedwapa, mudzayamba kumva kuti mwagwidwa ndi kudzimva kuti ndinu wolakwa chifukwa chosalimbana ndi zololera zimenezo.

“Tsopano, pamene muyang’ana m’mbuyo pa munthu amene munali ndi munthu amene mwakhala, mungazindikire kuti ndinu munthu wosinthidwiratu kotheratu kungokhala ndi munthu amene sali wololera kulolerana m’unansi wanu.

5. Nthawi zonse afunika kukhala ndi mawu omaliza

Mikangano ya ubale ndi yofala koma mikangano imeneyo singathe kulamulidwa ndi munthu m'modzi. Nthawi iliyonse pamene mkangano ubuka mu ubale wabwino, aliyense ayenera kumva kuti ali ndi ufulu wolankhula zakukhosi kwake popanda kuvulaza winayo.

Namrata anati: “Munthu akamalamulira kukambirana kapena kupotoza nkhaniyo n’cholinga choti apeze mawu omalizira kuti apambane mkanganowo, ndiye kuti n’chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zosonyeza kuti mnzanuyo akukana kulolerana pa chibwenzi.

6. Wokondedwa m'modzi amayembekezeredwa kulipira chilichonse

Ndi chinthu chimodzi kuti mnzanu azilipira mwaufulu koma ndi chinanso akamachita mosafuna. Muubwenzi womwe nonse muli ndi ndalama zokwanira ndipo mumatenga udindo pa nyumbayo, ndi bwino kuti nonse mugawane ndalamazo mofanana chifukwa ndi bwino kugwiritsa ntchito kufanana pakati pa amuna ndi akazi m'mitundu yonse ya maubwenzi.

Namrata akuti, "Ngati wokondedwa m'modzi yekha akuyenera kulipira chilichonse, ndiye kuti posachedwa angakuwonani ngati cholemetsa. Adzasiya kuganiza kuti ndinu woyenera kukondedwa ndi kuyamikira. Adzayamba kuganiza kuti simungathe kuchita zinthu nokha komanso kuti mumadalira iwo pa chilichonse.

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7. Iwo amakupangirani zisankho zonse

Namrata akuti, “Kuyambira zinthu zazing'ono monga zomwe mumadya ndi zomwe mumavala mpaka komwe mungapite pa tchuthi, ngati zinthu zonse zomwe zili pamwambapa zachitika motsatira chisankho cha munthu m'modzi yekha, zikutanthauza kuti palibe mgwirizano muubwenzi. Ngati munthu m'modzi yekha ndiye amasankha nthawi yogonana komanso nthawi yocheza ndi abwenzi, ndiye kuti ndi ubale woopsa komanso chimodzi mwa zizindikiro za mgwirizano wosayenera muubwenzi.

“Samalingalira za kulankhula nanu musanapange zosankha zofunika kwambiri. Mumadziona kukhala wolamulirika. Kwenikweni, ubwenzi wonsewo umalamuliridwa ndi munthu mmodzi. Mumadzikhululukira nokha ponena za chifukwa chake simunathe kulimbana ndi kulolerana kumeneko, zimene zidzadzetsa nkhaŵa zambiri.

8. Maganizo anu akapanda kuganiziridwa 

Namrata akuti, "Malinga ndi kafukufuku wambiri ndi zamaganizo a anthu, anthu analengedwa mwanjira inayake pomwe akuyembekezeka kuvomereza ndikusintha m'gulu monga anthu payekhapayekha. Koma ngati mukuvomereza maganizo anu ndipo ngati mukuona kuti maganizo anu sakumvedwa, ndiye kuti zimangotanthauza kuti mnzanuyo akukana kuvomereza ndipo akukana kukonza kusalankhulana muubwenzi."

Munthu aliyense ali ndi maganizo ake ndipo ali ndi ufulu wokhala ndi maganizo ake. Apa ndipamene ubale umafuna kusagwirizana kwambiri kuposa kale. Zimatengera kulimba mtima kwambiri kuti mugawane malingaliro anu ndikukhala ndi malingaliro pazinthu zina ngakhale ena amakonda kutsutsa. Ngati mnzanu akukana kutenga maganizo anu, ndiye kuti ndi chitsanzo cha kunyengerera kosayenera muubwenzi.

9. Kutaya umunthu wanu ndi kudziimira

Ubwenzi uyenera kukhala malo otetezeka komwe nonse mungagawane umunthu wanu weniweni. Ngati musintha zochita zanu chifukwa choopa kuti mnzanu sangakukondeni monga momwe mulili, ndiye kuti ndi mgwirizano wosayenera muubwenzi womwe ungasintheni inu monga munthu. Yang'anani njira zodziyimira pawokha muubwenzi . Ngati ndinu munthu wolankhula momasuka komanso wolankhula ndipo mnzanu sakonda kulankhula kwambiri, ndiye kuti simungathe kusintha umunthu wanu ngati chete kuti mukhale chete ndi mnzanuyo.

M'malingaliro anga, kudziyimira pawokha kuyenera kukhala chinthu chachikulu kwambiri pa inu nokha. Chifukwa chimodzi chimene sichinayende bwino ndi mnzanga wakale n’chakuti anayesa kundifooketsa. Ngakhale zinthu zosavuta monga kucheza ndi anzanga zinkaoneka ngati zosayenera. Ankandipangitsa kudziimba mlandu chifukwa chosangalala. Ndinazindikira kuti munthu woyenera sangachite zimenezo. Iwo sangandiuze kuti ndilekerere ufulu wanga wofuna kudziimira paokha kuti adzimva kukhala osungika muubwenziwo.

Ibibazo

Kulimbana Muukwati - Malangizo 10 Ochitira Bwino

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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