Pambuyo pa ndewu zosawerengeka ndikupangitsana kukhala owopsa, tsopano mwaganiza zopumula muubwenzi wanu. N'zotheka kuti mukuda nkhawa ndi momwe zinthu zidzakhalire, zomwe ziri zoyenera. Kupatula apo, kupuma kumadziwika kuti ndi chizindikiro cholakwika muubwenzi. Komabe, siziyenera kukhala choncho. Ngati mukudziwa momwe mungathanirane ndi kupuma paubwenzi, nonse mutha kubwereranso mwamphamvu kuposa kale.
Kuti muchepetse nkhawa zanu, tikufuna kukuwuzani kuti mphindi yomwe mwaganiza zopumira, mwayamba kale kukonza ubale wanu. Ndipotu, n’zodziŵika bwino kuti kupuma mwa apo ndi apo kungakupindulitseni kwambiri. N’chimodzimodzinso ndi kupuma paubwenzi. Ganizirani izi ngati tchuthi lalitali la sabata lomwe mwakhala mukulifuna mpaka kalekale koma simunathe kufikako.
Ngakhale zili choncho, ngakhale kusangalatsa izi kungakupangitseni kukhala ndi mafunso ambiri. Kodi kupumula mu malamulo a ubale ndi chiyani? Kodi mungakumane nawo panthawi yopuma? Ndi nthawi yanji yomwe mumaganiza kuti nthawi yopuma yatha ndipo mukuyenera kubwererana? Chofunika koposa, kodi mumagwiritsira ntchito bwanji bwino nthaŵi yanu pamene muli patchuthi?
Pofuna kukuthandizani kumvetsetsa momwe mungathanirane ndi vuto la kupuma muubwenzi komanso momwe mungakonzekere ndikukwaniritsa bwino, Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wopatukana ndi kusudzulana, akugawana nanu mfundo zina za njira zothetsera mavuto muubwenzi musanayambe kusudzulana. Munkhaniyi, tikambirananso za mavuto omwe amakhalapo nthawi yayitali muubwenzi komanso momwe mungawakonzere.
Zoyenera Kuchita Panthawi Yothetsa Ubwenzi
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Malinga ndi kafukufuku , 50% ya akuluakulu amalekana ndi chibwenzi chawo nthawi ina m'miyoyo yawo. Lingaliro la 'kusweka' limapezekanso m'banja. Ndipotu, kafukufuku akusonyeza kuti 6% mpaka 18% ya okwatirana amalekana nthawi ina ndipo amapuma m'banja. Chifukwa chake, kupuma si chinthu chachilendo kapena choopsa monga momwe mungaganizire.
Chofunikira ndikuzindikira momwe mungathanirane ndi kupuma paubwenzi komanso momwe mungasamalire bwino nthawi yanu yotalikirana. Nazi zomwe mungachite:
- Cholinga cha yopuma pa ubwenzi ndi introspect pa zolakwa zanu ndi zosayembekezereka zoyembekezera
- Gwiritsani ntchito nthawi imeneyo kuchita zinthu zomwe mumasangalala nazo
- Ngati inu ndi mnzanuyo mwakhazikitsa nthawi yopuma, ndi bwino kumamatira
- Pewani kuyang'ana pa nthawi yopuma; tsatirani lamulo loletsa kulumikizana
- Osachita zibwenzi ndi anthu ena; gwiritsani ntchito nthawiyi kudzikumbutsa kuti wokondedwa wanu ali wapadera
7 Malamulo Othana Ndi Kupuma Pa Ubale
Ngati mukuganiza kuti kungonena kuti muli pa tchuthi ndikudzipatula nokha kungakuthandizeni, ganiziraninso. Simukufuna kufuula kuti, “Tinali pa tchuthi!”, kwa zaka 10 motsatizana monga Ross wochokera ku Friends . Kuti mupewe vuto ngati limenelo, ndikofunikira kulankhulana ndi mnzanu momwe mungathere ndikukhazikitsa malamulo ena oyambira musanapume pachibwenzi.
Simukufuna kulandira kapena kutumiza mauthenga ndi mafoni ambiri pamene inu nonse muli pa tchuthi - zimenezo sizingapindulitse aliyense wa inu. Shazia akuti, "Nthawi zonse payenera kukhala kulankhulana momasuka muubwenzi osati kungothetsa mikangano yokha. Ndi njira yopewera osati kungochiritsa."
Mukufuna malangizo amomwe mungathanirane ndi vuto la kupuma muubwenzi? Choyamba, ngati simugwiritsa ntchito nthawiyi moyenera, mungabwerere mukudzifunsa chifukwa chake mavuto anu muubwenzi sanathe modabwitsa. Kuti titsimikizire kuti sizichitika, tasonkhanitsa "malamulo opuma muubwenzi". Koma popeza ubale uliwonse ndi wosiyana, upangiri waukulu womwe tingakupatseni ndikulankhulana ndi mnzanu , zomwe zimatitsogolera ku lamulo lathu loyamba:
1. Kambiranani za nthawi yopuma ndi bwenzi lanu
Chimodzi mwa zinthu zofunika kwambiri yopuma mu ubale malamulo ndi kulankhula momveka bwino ndi mnzanuyo za cholinga kumbuyo chisankho komanso mmene mungayendere bwino gawo ili m'malo zovuta popanda kulola izo kutenga chiwongola dzanja chanu. Inu simungakhoze basi kutumiza mnzanuyo "tikufuna yopuma" uthenga ndiyeno kutaya foni yanu kutali, kuyembekezera zonse kugwa m'malo.
Shazia akuti, “Nthawi zonse khalani ndi ulemu ndi ulemu. Lemekezani mnzanu ndi banja lake. Chikondi chiyenera kuwonjezeredwa ndi ulemu. Kulemekeza mnzanu, zomwe amaika patsogolo, zosankha zake, zosowa zake zamaganizo , komanso umunthu wake kudzakuthandizani kupewa mikangano yoopsa poyamba. Zidzakuthandizani kukambirana mavuto a ubale popanda kukangana.”
Musanayambe kupuma kwanu, muyenera kumuuza mnzanuyo chifukwa chake mukuganiza kuti nonse mungagwiritse ntchito imodzi. Momwe amatengera nkhani zilibe kanthu ngati mumalankhula moona mtima zakukhosi kwanu. Kupuma pachibwenzi kwa nthawi yayitali kungathenso kukhumudwitsa mnzanuyo. makamaka ngati sakudziwa kuti nkhani zomwe zili pakati panu zakhala zikukukhudzani kwambiri moti mutha kupanga chisankho chotere.
N’chifukwa chake kulankhulana n’kofunika. Kambiranani zolimbikitsa ndi wokondedwa wanu za izi, makamaka pamasom'pamaso. Chotsani kusamvana kulikonse, kuti nonse mudziwe kuti simunathe, pa nthawi yopuma. Simukufuna kuti mnzanuyo apite patsogolo pobweranso.
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2. Funsani mafunso ofunikira ndikukonzekera nthawi yopuma
Kodi nonse ndinu osakwatiwa nthawi yopuma? Kodi sipadzakhala kukhudzana kwathunthu panthawi yopuma? Kapena kodi ndi bwino kumangoyang'anana nthawi ndi nthawi? Ngati ndi choncho, ndi bwino kulankhulana mochuluka bwanji? Kodi kupuma kwanu kutha liti? Ndikofunika kuyankha mafunso onsewa musanapume paubwenzi wanu.
Kodi mungatani ngati mwayamba kupuma muubwenzi? Kukambirana zinthu monga kukhala payekha komanso ngati mukufuna kugona ndi anthu ena kapena kukhala ndi chibwenzi chotseguka panthawi yopuma n'kofunika kwambiri. Monga momwe zililinso, nthawi zambiri kumakhala kofunikira kukhazikitsa nthawi yopuma yokonzekera.
Kupuma nthawi zambiri kumakhala pakati pa milungu ingapo mpaka miyezi ingapo. Komabe, n'zovuta kusankha nthawi yochuluka yomwe mungafunikire kuti mudziwe zonse zomwe mukufuna kudziwa. Choncho musaike tsiku lenileni ngati mapeto a nthawi yopuma, ngati mukufunikira kuwonjezera. Mwachidule, onetsetsani kuti nonse muli patsamba limodzi za nthawi yopuma komanso zomwe mukuyembekezera kuchokera kwa wina ndi mnzake.
Mukamapuma paubwenzi wanthawi yayitali kapena mgwirizano wodzipereka, kufotokozera malamulo oyambira ndikofunikira kwambiri. Popanda kutero, okwatirana onse angasiyidwe akudzikayikira ponena za mtsogolo. Kukayikira kumeneku kungakhale kokulirapo ndipo kungakupangitseni kuchita zinthu zomwe pambuyo pake mudzanong’oneza nazo bondo. Kotero, ngati mwakhala mukudabwa kuti nthawi yopuma ikhoza kukhala yabwino paubwenzi, dziwani kuti ikhoza kukutumikirani bwino pokhapokha itayendetsedwa bwino.
3. Yesetsani kuti musatumize "Ndakusowa kwambiri!" malemba
Ngati mukupuma paubwenzi wanthaŵi yaitali, mungayesedwe kutumiza mawu akuti “Ndikudziwa kuti tili patchuthi, koma ndikungofuna kukhala nanu!” Zodabwitsa pang'ono, titha kunena. Mukadawonetsa chidwi chotere m'mbuyomu, simukanafuna kupuma (ouch, pepani!).
Mofananamo, mukapuma muubwenzi wautali, kuyenda nokha mumkhalidwe wovutawu ndipo mtunda pakati pa inu ndi mnzanu ungakulitse chilakolako chanu. Munthawi ngati zimenezi, kuyankha foni ndikutumizirana mameseji ndi mnzanu kungawoneke ngati chinthu chokhacho chomwe chingakupatseni chitonthozo ndi chitonthozo. Ndipo zimenezo ziyenera kuyembekezeredwa.
Chofunika kwambiri ndi kusagonja ku mayesero amenewa. Ngati mukuvutika kuti mukhale ndi nthawi yopuma pachibwenzi ndipo mukufuna kutumizirana mameseji ndi mnzanu kuti muwaone, yesani kudziletsa. Panthawi imeneyo, zingawoneke ngati muli m'chikondi ndipo mavuto sakupezeka. Patatha masiku awiri, nonse mukumenyana ndikukangananso za chinthu chimodzi chomwe simungachiwonane.
Musachepetse kulankhulana panthawi yopuma paubwenzi, kapena ingogwiritsani ntchito lamulo loti musalankhulane . Kambiranani kamodzi kapena kawiri pa sabata ngati mukufuna koma musaimbirane foni pavidiyo usiku uliwonse. Shazia akuti, "Nthawi iliyonse mukakumana ndi mkangano muubwenzi wanu womwe umakupangitsani kukhala wovuta kwambiri kapena wovuta kuuthetsa, ingotengani nthawi pang'ono. Musapange zisankho mwachangu ndipo ganizirani bwino nkhaniyo."
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4. Ganizirani za inu nokha
Shazia anati: “Osati kokha pofuna kuthetsa mavuto a pachibwenzi popanda kutha, koma pofuna kupeŵa mavuto poyamba, okwatirana ayenera kulolerana malo omasuka kumene angakhoze kukhala, ponse paŵiri mwakuthupi ndi mophiphiritsira.
Zina mwazofunikira pakupuma muubwenzi ndikusamutsa chidwi kuchokera kwa okondedwa anu ndi ubale wanu kwa inu nokha. N’kutheka kuti munali ndi nkhawa kwambiri ngati munaona kuti mukufunika kupuma. Izi zikutanthauza kuti, popeza muli pa imodzi, mumakhala ndi nthawi yochulukirapo yoganizira nokha m'malo moyesa kuthetsa ndewu ina yaying'ono ndi mnzanu. Mukamadziwa zambiri za inu nokha komanso zomwe mumakonda kuyika mphamvu zanu, m'pamenenso mutha kusankha ngati ubale wanu ndi wofunika.
Ino ndi nthawi yoti mulandire zonse zomwe mudafuna kufikako koma simunathe. Gwiritsani ntchito bwino kuchepeka kwa kukhudzana pa nthawi yopuma pachibwenzi pakudzipeza nokha komanso kudzisamalira. Ichi ndi chimodzi mwa malangizo ofunika kwambiri a momwe mungathanirane ndi kupuma paubwenzi. Mudzaona kusintha maganizo anu kamodzi inu bwinobwino kulimbana ndi kumverera akusowa mnzanu nthawi zonse.
5. Khalani owona mtima ndipo musamachite molakwika
Kodi kupuma kumatanthauza chiyani kwa mwamuna? Mwachiwonekere, kugona mozungulira, chabwino? Osaganiza kalikonse ndipo onetsetsani kuti mukukambirana ndi mnzanuyo za kudzipereka. Muli patchuthi, malo anu ochezera a pa Intaneti atha kudzaza ndi anthu osakwatiwa omwe mwangozi asankha kulowa mu ma DM anu. Pokhapokha ngati nonse mwatsimikiza kuti mungathe kugona, onetsetsani kuti musagonje ku mayesero, ndipo khalani okhulupirika.
Kuthetsa chinyengo n'kovuta, musapangitse mnzanuyo kuti adutse mu zimenezo. Kaya mukupuma pa chibwenzi cha nthawi yayitali chomwe inu ndi mnzanuyo munali kukhala limodzi kapena muli pachibwenzi chakutali chomwe chakhala chodzaza ndi ndewu zazing'ono ndi mikangano, musaiwale mfundo yakuti inu ndi mnzanuyo mudakali awiriawiri.
Izi ndi momwe mungathanirane ndi kupuma paubwenzi: musamawononge nthawi yanu yonse yocheza ndi anzanu kuyesa kuyiwala kuti muli pachibwenzi. Pamene muwerenga ndi mfundo yotsatira, ndikofunikira kuunika ubale wanu panthawiyi. Tikudziwa kuti zikhala zovuta, koma muyenera kukana anthu onse omwe adalowa mu DM yanu, poganiza kuti simunakwatire kumene.
6. Ganizirani zomwe zidalakwika muubwenzi wanu
Kupumula kumakupatsani mwayi woganizira zomwe zidalakwika muubwenzi wanu ndikupeza zomwe zidayambitsa zovuta zanu. Ngati mukudabwa mmene kupulumuka yopuma mu ubwenzi wanu, muyenera kuusanthula pa nthawi imeneyi kuona ndendende pamene zinthu zinalakwika. Choncho, m'malo moyang'ana panthawi yopuma kapena kuyang'ana kwambiri kulankhulana panthawi yopuma, ganizirani momwe nonse munafikira panthawiyi.
Okwatirana nthawi zambiri amakodwa mumsampha wa tsiku ndi tsiku ndipo amataya ubale wawo. Mavuto ambiri amatha kupewedwa kapena kuthetsedwa mosavuta ngati okwatiranawo amakhala ndi nthawi yabwino kwambiri . Shazia akuti, "Kusunga foni yanu kutali mukamalankhulana, kupatsa mnzanu nthawi yodzipereka ndi njira zowonetsera mnzanuyo kuti ndi wofunika. Ngati zimenezo zakhala zikusowa muubwenzi wanu, ndikofunikira kuganizira chifukwa chake zili choncho."
Tsopano popeza muli ndi nthawi yochuluka yochita zinthu zomwe mumakonda, mudzakhala ndi maganizo abwino kuti muganizire za mavuto omwe mukukumana nawo. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukupuma paubwenzi wotalikirana, mungakhale wokonzeka kuyang'ana kupyola mikangano yaing'ono ndi kukangana kosalekeza komwe kumaphimba chiyanjano chanu ndi kumvetsa chifukwa chake munagwera mu ndondomekoyi poyamba.
Kodi mtunda uyamba kukhala wovuta kuugwira? Kodi mukumva kutalikirana ndi wokondedwa wanu? Kodi inuyo kapena mnzanuyo mukuona kuti simunakhudzidwe ndi moyo wa wina ndi mzake? Unikani zabwino ndi zoyipa, ndi zomwe mukufuna kukonza. Mutha kukhala otsimikiza kuti ubale wanu suli wabwino kwambiri chifukwa cha mnzanu yemwe akukukwiyitsani, koma yesetsani kuti musakhale otanganidwa ndi zoyipa zokha.
Ndizovuta kuvomereza, koma ukhoza kukhala wolakwa. Ganizirani zomwe mukanachita muubwenzi womwe udasokoneza, ndi zomwe nonse mungachite mtsogolo. Chifukwa chake valani chipewa chanu chofufuzira ndikuyamba kuthetsa mlandu wakupha ubale wanu! Ndilo yankho labwino kwambiri la momwe mungathanirane ndi kupuma paubwenzi.
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7. Pitani ndi matumbo anu
Kodi mwasokonezeka ndi momwe mungathanirane ndi vuto la kupuma muubwenzi? Mukamafufuza ubale wanu, n'zosavuta kutengeka ndikuyamba kuuganizira mopitirira muyeso. Lankhulani ndi mnzanu, ndipo kambiranani zomwe zingakhale bwino kwa inu. Ngati zifukwa zonse zothetsa ubale zikukukhudzani, musamadzinamize za thanzi la ubale wanu.
Ngati mukudziwa kale kuti ubale wanu sudzapulumuka ndipo mukuyesera kudzitsimikizira nokha, mukungochedwetsa zomwe sizingalephereke. Posapita nthawi, maziko osalimba a ubale wanu adzasintha, zomwe zingakupangitseni chisoni kuti simunapite ndi matumbo anu. Chophweka cha kutenga yopuma mu ubale malamulo ndi kukhala woona mtima ndi nokha ndipo musapite pa yopuma ndi anakonzeratu zotsatira mu malingaliro.
Zolozera Mfungulo
- Malamulo a kusweka muubwenzi akuphatikizapo kufotokoza chifukwa chake ubale ukutsika
- Kulankhulana panthawi yopuma kuyenera kukhala kochepa
- Ino ndi nthawi yoti muganizire za inu nokha komanso kukhala oona mtima nokha
- Khalani ogwirizana ndi chibadwa chanu kuti mufike pachisankho chomaliza
Khalani otseguka kuzinthu zonse ndikuwona komwe kupuma uku kukufikitsani. Momwe mungathanirane ndi kupuma paubwenzi kungakhale kosavuta monga kubweza ndikudzikhazika mtima pansi. Mukuyenera kukondedwa mumkhalidwe wake wowona, mtundu womwe umapitilira zazing'ono "siyani kumuyang'ana!" ndewu. Ngati mwachita bwino, kupuma kudzakuthandizani kupeza zomwe zili zabwino kwa inu. Ngakhale izi zikutanthauza kuti muyenera kuthetsa ubale wanu wapano. Pamapeto pake, chimwemwe chanu ndi chomwe chili chofunika kwambiri.
Ibibazo
Inde, zimatero, ngati zitagwiritsidwa ntchito bwino. Ine ndi bwenzi langa tili patchuthi ndipo ndimamusowa. Koma nthawi ino zikundipangitsa kuzindikira zinthu zonse zomwe ndakhala ndikuchita zolakwika.
Onetsetsani kuti nonse muli ndi maganizo ofanana pankhani yopuma muubwenzi . Kupuma kumatha kukhala kwa sabata imodzi mpaka mwezi umodzi. Zonse zimadalira inu ndi mnzanu.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
