Malangizo 9 Akatswiri Osokoneza Ukwati Moyenera

Kufalitsa chikondi

Pakadakhala kuti pali mfundo zitatu zopangitsa kuti banja liziyenda bwino, zikadakhala kusamala, kunyengerera komanso…zipinda zosambira. Mwa izi, kulolerana m’banja kumakhala kutsutsana kwambiri chifukwa chakuti nthaŵi zambiri kumaphatikizapo kukumana ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu pakati kapena kusiya pang’ono chabe zimene mukufuna.

Tsopano, inu mukhoza kuwoloka manja anu, kununkhiza ndi kunena, “Chikwati sichiri cha kunyengerera.” Koma kunena zoona, maubwenzi ambiri, ukwati kapena ayi, amadalira kupatsa ndi kutenga equation m’malo moti munthu m’modzi angosiya zonse ndipo winayo n’kumapeza momwe akufuna nthawi zonse.

Kugwirizana muukwati kumabwera ndi zovuta zake. "Ndani akupereka zambiri?" "Kodi pali kulinganiza koyenera kwa kulolera nthawi zonse?" "Kodi mumadutsa bwanji lingaliro lachikazi la kusagwirizana?" Awa ndi mafunso onse omwe angabwere m'mutu mwanu.

Kuti tipeze kumvetsetsa bwino nkhani yokhudza kusagwirizana m'banja ndi kudzipereka, tinafunsa Shazia Saleem (Masters in Psychology). Iye ndi katswiri pa uphungu wopatukana ndi kusudzulana, ndipo anatiuza za kufunika kwa kusagwirizana m'banja komanso momwe tingachitire bwino, nthawi zambiri.

N’chifukwa Chiyani Kulolerana N’kofunika Kwambiri M’banja?

M'ndandanda wazopezekamo

Shazia akuti, "Kugwirizana bwino ndikofunikira kuti ubale uliwonse ukhalepo. Muukwati, makamaka, pamene timakhala ndi ziyembekezo zazikulu, ndikofunikira kukumbukira kuti 'ife' nthawi zambiri timafunika kuyikidwa patsogolo kuposa kudzikuza kwa munthu payekha. Anthu awiri apadera akakumana, ukwati umakhala malo odziwika bwino kuti akhale anthu akuluakulu, abwino, komanso ubale womwe uyenera kukhala wopindulitsa kwa onse awiri."

Kulolerana muukwati nthawi zina kumaonedwa ngati mawu oipa, omwe amasokoneza zisankho ndi zosowa za munthu payekha. Komabe, izi nthawi zambiri zimachitika pokhapokha ngati munthu m'modzi yekha alolerana. Palibe chilichonse mwa izi chomwe chingakuthandizeni kupulumuka vuto laukwati . Cholinga chachikulu cha mgwirizano ndichakuti uyenera kuchitika mbali zonse zaubwenzi kapena ukwati kuti ugwire ntchito. Kupanda kulolerana muukwati kumatanthauza kuti muli mumkhalidwe wopanda phindu pomwe nonse ndinu olimba mtima kwambiri moti simungathe kuchitapo kanthu kapena kuchitapo kanthu.

Ndiye, mumanyengerera bwanji m'njira yoyenera? Kodi mumamanga bwanji banja momwe mumadziwa momwe mungasinthire komanso nthawi yoti mugonjetse pomwe mukukhalabe ndi zinthu zomwe mumakonda komanso zapadera (zinthu zomwe zimakupangani inu modabwitsa)? Werengani kuti mudziwe.

Malangizo 9 Akatswiri Osokoneza Ukwati Moyenera

Taona kuti kulolerana m’banja n’kofunika. Tsopano, tiyeni tipende mosamalitsa njira zina zoti titenge m’malo mofulumira kunena kuti ukwati suli wa kulolerana. Nawa maupangiri amomwe mungagonjetsere m'banja moyenera:

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1. Dziwani momveka bwino zosowa zanu

Chimodzi mwa zitsanzo zabwino kwambiri za kulolerana muubwenzi ndikuvomereza ndi kufotokoza zosowa zanu mwaumoyo komanso mwachikondi. Tsopano, tonse tili ndi zosowa zathu m'banja ndipo nthawi zambiri, timayembekeza kuti wokondedwa wathu akhale wowerenga malingaliro ndikudziwa momwe tikumvera komanso zomwe timafunikira nthawi iliyonse.

Kumbukirani, mnzanu ndi munthu, monga inunso, motero sangawerenge maganizo anu kapena zosowa zanu zofunika kwambiri muubwenzi . Komanso, tisaiwale kuti pamene tikukula ndikukula monga anthu payekhapayekha, zosowa zathu ndi zokhumba zathu malinga ndi zomwe tikufuna ndi kuyembekezera muubwenzi ndi ukwati, nazonso zimasintha.

Kugwirizana muukwati ndi kudzipereka kumachitika bwino mukakhala otetezeka komanso olimba mtima ndi mnzanu kuti mufotokoze momveka bwino zomwe mukufuna. Kambiranani moona mtima za momwe angakupangitsireni kumva kuti mukukondedwa kwambiri. Ngati mukuganiza kuti mukufuna nthawi yochulukirapo limodzi kapena malingaliro ausiku wocheza , auzeni. Ngati mukuganiza kuti mukufuna nthawi yochulukirapo nokha, auzeni.

Osanena izi m'njira yosalemekeza zoyesayesa ndi kunyengerera wokondedwa wanu akupanga kale. Chisintheni kukhala kukambirana kumene mumakumana pakati, kumene mumayamikira zimene amachita, ndiponso kuwauza zimene angachite kuti ukwati wawo ukhale wosangalatsa. Ndipo onetsetsani kuti mwatenga nthawi kuti muwamve iwo, inunso.

2. Muzilemekezana malire

Timakonda malire abwino a ubale ndipo timakonda kuphunzira momwe tingawayikire mwachikondi komanso mwaulemu. Mukayesa kusokonezana muukwati, malire amatenga gawo lalikulu pakudziwana komanso kudziwa nthawi yoti musunthire ndi nthawi yoti mubwerere m'mbuyo.

Shazia akulangiza kuti: “Musadikire mpaka inki iume pa chikalata chanu chaukwati kuti mukhale ndi malire abwino komanso omveka bwino.” Pachiyambi cha chibwenzi, anthu nthawi zambiri amayesa kukopana wina ndi mnzake potengera zomwe amakhulupirira komanso zomwe amakhulupirira.

Muzifotokoza momveka bwino malire anu kuyambira pachiyambi, kuti mnzanuyo adziwe nthawi yomweyo zomwe akugwira ntchito komanso zomwe akuyenera kuchita panthawi ya chibwenzicho.

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Malire ndi ofunikira paubwenzi uliwonse, ndipo ndi ofunikira kwambiri pakukondana chifukwa ambirife timakula tikukhulupirira kuti palibe chomwe sungasiyire munthu wokhala ndi moyo komanso/kapena mnzathu. Poganizira kufunika kwa kulolerana m’banja, malire ndi ulemu ziyenera kukhazikitsidwa mwamsanga ndiponso momveka bwino.

kufunika kwa kulolerana m’banja — Kulemekeza malire ndi gawo lalikulu la kulolerana

3. Dziwani kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu ndi munthu payekha

Inde, tikudziwa zomwe mafilimu onse amanena. Ukwati umatanthauza kuti awiri amakhala amodzi. Anthu okondana enieni amafanana ndipo amamvetsetsana bwino, ndi zina zotero. Koma tili ndi nkhani yanu. Kaya mumakondana bwanji kapena kuti ndinu ofanana bwino bwanji, mudakali anthu awiri osiyana, osiyana omwe adakumana, ndikuyembekeza kuti muli ndi ziyembekezo zenizeni zaubwenzi . Mukupitirizabe kubweretsa makhalidwe enaake apadera muukwati. Ndipo zimenezo ziyenera kulemekezedwa ndi kulemekezedwa.

“Ngakhale kuti timakondana makhalidwe oipa a wina ndi mnzake titangoyamba kumene chibwenzi, m’banja mumakhala chizoloŵezi chofuna kusintha mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu.” Zoyembekeza zimasintha, ndipo mwadzidzidzi timafuna kuti mwamuna kapena mkazi wathu agwirizane ndi udindo wa mwamuna kapena mkazi.

Izi sizikutanthauza kuti simuyenera kudzudzula mnzanu ngati akusonyeza khalidwe loipa kapena loipa. Mwachitsanzo, ngati mukuchita ndi mwamuna wodzikonda , sitikunena kuti muyenera kuvutika mwakachetechete ndikupirira. Koma zimenezo n’zosiyana ndi kutaya mtima chifukwa mnzanuyo akadali ndi zithunzi za Marvel kapena ali ndi zinthu zina zoti achite pa njinga zamoto m’nyumba yonse. Zinthu ngati zimenezi ndi mbali ya munthu amene munamukonda, pambuyo pake!

4. Muzimvetsera mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akamalankhula, ngakhale pamene simukuvomereza

"Ine ndi mkazi wanga timakhala ndi lamulo tikamakangana. Timanamizira kuti ndi mkangano wanthawi yake ndipo timapatsana mphindi 3-5 kuti tifotokoze mbali yathu ya mlanduwo." Mwanjira imeneyi, tonsefe timayamba kulankhula ndipo aliyense wa ife ayenera kumvera mnzake. nthawi zawo zosasangalatsa kwambiri.

Kulekererana muukwati kumafuna kumvetsera bwino muubwenzi wanu . Nthawi zonse pamakhala kusamvana, ngakhale m'mabanja abwino kwambiri, koma ngati aliyense akukangana ndi kufuula ndipo palibe amene akumvetsera, palibe mgwirizano ndipo chifukwa chake, palibe kuthetsa mavuto. Dziwani kuti ndimakonda kumenyana ndekha, koma ngakhale ine ndivomereza kuti zimatitopetsa tonse tikakhala tikufuula koma palibe amene akumvetsera.

“Gwirizanani kuti musagwirizane,” akulangiza motero Shazia, “m’pofunika kwambiri kumvetsetsa kuti kusiyana maganizo n’kwachibadwa ndipo n’kofala pakati pa anthu aŵiri.” Koma mmene mungachitire zimenezi zili kwa inu.” Sankhani kuthetsa kusiyana ndi kusamvanako mwaulemu ndi mwaulemu ndipo mudzadabwa kuti n’zosavuta bwanji kupeza mfundo zimene mungagwirizane nazo, m’malo mongokhalira kukangana ndi kuganiza kuti ukwati ndi wogwirizana.”

Zitsanzo za kulolerana m’banja — Kumvetsera mwachidwi kumathandiza kwambiri m’banja

5. Konzani zomwe simungakambirane

Ili ndiye phunziro langa lomwe ndimakonda kwambiri nthawi zonse, makamaka chifukwa limandilola kukumba mozama ndikupeza zinthu zomwe ndimawona kuti ndizopatulika kwambiri. Wokondedwa wanga amafunikira nthawi yochulukirapo panja pomwe ndimafunikira sofa yambiri komanso nthawi ya TV/kuwerenga/podcast. Timakonda kucheza, koma momwe timagwiritsira ntchito nthawi yathu yopuma ndi gawo lalikulu la ife payekha komanso ngati okondedwa.

Ndikhoza kukwiya akapita kumsasa (ndimadana ndi kukagona); angadzuke kwambiri ndikasankha kukhala kunyumba nditavala zovala zanga zogona ndikuonera Twilight Saga kwa maola 10. Koma nthawi ino sitingakambirane chifukwa imatipangitsa kukhala omasuka, kutipangitsa kukhala anthu abwino, odekha komanso ogwirizana. Sitikukanana, tikungopatula nthawi yocheza tokha. Ndipo kudzikonda pang'ono kumathandiza kwambiri pakulimbitsa ubale wachikondi ndi anthu ena.

Mukayika zomwe simungakambirane, zimakhala zomveka bwino komanso zosavuta kufotokozera zinthu zomwe mukulolera kunyengerera. Mwanjira imeneyo, simumadabwitsidwa kapena kukwiyitsidwa ngati akuyembekeza kuti mudzakumana nawo theka kapena kupita mophweka muzochitika zina. Wokondedwa wanu adziwa zomwe angayembekezere kuchokera kwa inu komanso mosemphanitsa.

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6. Konzani tchuthi mwachilungamo

Izi zitha kumveka mwachilendo, koma pirirani nane. M'moyo wathu wotanganidwa kwambiri, wotanganidwa kwambiri, masiku opuma ndi masabata omwe nonse muli ndi nthawi yopuma ndizosowa ndipo chifukwa chake tiyenera kuyamikiridwa. Matchuthi ogawana nawo ndi ofunikira kwambiri - mumapeza nthawi zingapo popanda zosokoneza za tsiku ndi tsiku zantchito zapakhomo ndi ntchito zina. Mwinanso mumakonza zothawirako nonse awiri, kutali ndi ana.

Koma ngakhale zili choncho, padzakhala zinthu zomwe mukufuna kuchita pa tchuthi zomwe mnzanu wapamtima sangachite. Izi ndi zomwe zimapangitsa kuti pakhale mikangano m'banja chifukwa cholinga chachikulu cha tchuthi ndi kukhala nawo limodzi. Ine ndi mnzanga timakonda kuyenda, koma ndimafunikira zinthu zomwe ndimakonda, zomwe zikutanthauza kuti, sindimaona shawa zakunja kukhala zachikondi.

Ndikufuna kudzuka molawirira chifukwa ndimakonda chakudya cham'mawa cha kuhotelo, amafuna kugona. Ndimakonda kukhala pafupi ndipakati pa mzindawo, amafuna adzitsekerezedwa pakati pazachilengedwe ndi chilengedwe chokha.

Mu mzimu wa zitsanzo za kusagwirizana muubwenzi, pali masiku osachepera awiri omwe ndimamulola kugona nthawi yayitali momwe akufunira ndipo ndimapita ndekha kukafufuza ndekha. Sikuti kusudzulana tulo tokha , koma kumagwira ntchito. Akadzuka, amabwera kudzandipeza kulikonse komwe ndili. Ndimadzikumbutsa kuti ndi tchuthi chake ndipo kugona n'kofunika kwambiri kwa iye. Amandilola kusankha komwe tingakhale ndipo sakhumudwa kwambiri kuti onse ali ndi makoma anayi ndi zoziziritsira mpweya. Mukuona? Kusagwirizana.

7. Kambiranani za nthawi ya banja

Ndi banja, sitikunena za zomwe inu nonse mukupanga, komanso za makolo anu, abale anu ndi achibale anu osiyanasiyana omwe angakhalepo m'miyoyo yanu. Nthaŵi zambiri, mwamuna kapena mkazi mmodzi angakhale pafupi kwambiri ndi banja lawo kuposa mnzakeyo, zimene zingachititse kusamvana pankhani yocheza nawo.

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"Sindine woyandikana kwambiri ndi azibale anga koma mwamuna wanga ndi wake," akutero Jules, "Nthawi zambiri ndimakonda kudana ndi kuchuluka kwa nthawi yomwe amakhala nawo - tchuthi chachikulu chilichonse, kuyimbira foni ndi kufunsa mafunso - sizinali zanga. Ndi anthu abwino, okondana, koma sindimakonda anthu onse mubizinesi yanga.

“Mwachidziŵikire, imeneyi inali nkhani chifukwa chakuti ndinaona kuti sipayenera kukhala kulolerana m’banja pankhani ya kuika wina ndi mnzake patsogolo ndi kutsimikizira kuti palibe wina aliyense amene ali ndi chonena m’miyoyo yathu.” Nthaŵi zina ndinkaimba mwamuna wanga mlandu woika moyo wake pachiswe kuposa ine ndi kumvetsera maganizo awo mopambanitsa.

Banja ndi lofunika komanso mgwirizano m'banja. Onetsetsani kuti palibe mavuto olankhulana paubwenzi chifukwa tonsefe timakonda kukhala ndi mtima wodziteteza komanso wodziteteza pa mabanja athu. Kambiranani, mvetserani bwino ndipo gwirizanani.

8. Kambiranani za chuma

Nkhani yovuta ya zachuma imabwera kawirikawiri pokambirana za zitsanzo za kusamvana m'banja. Pali malangizo odalirika kwa okwatirana kuti agawane ndalama koma ndalama zaumwini ndi zaumwini, choncho ndi bwino kukhala pansi ndikufotokozera nkhani iliyonse yokhudza momwe ndalama zimagwiritsidwira ntchito komanso amene ali ndi mphamvu zambiri pa nkhani za ndalama zogwirizanitsa.

Khalani omasuka za omwe amapeza zambiri, zomwe mumawononga, zomwe mukufuna kugwiritsa ntchito ndikupanga masomphenya ogawana a tsogolo lazachuma. Zinthu monga zomwe mukufuna kuchita pankhani yogula nyumba, kupita kutchuthi ndi zina zotero, zitha kukhala zokangana ngati simuli okonzeka kumvetserana ndi kulolerana.

Ndiye, kunyengerera kumalowa kuti? Apanso, dziwani kuti anthu amaona ndalama mosiyana malinga ndi mmene analeredwera, maphunziro, ndalama zimene angakwanitse, ndi zina zotero. Mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akhoza kukhala wowononga ndalama zambiri kapena amangokhalira kuchita mantha chifukwa chosowa ndalama zokwanira.

Kawonedwe kanu ka zachuma kangakhale kosiyana kwambiri ndipo mutha kukhala ndi mavuto osiyanasiyana pankhani ya ndalama, mukudzifunsa nokha zinthu monga "ukwati si nkhani yokhudza mgwirizano ndipo ndikufuna firiji yatsopano yomwe imadula kuposa nyumba". Monga momwe zimakhalira ndi njira zambiri zothetsera mikangano, yambani ndi kukambirana ndikukonzekera kuthetsa mavutowo pakati.

9. Phunzirani zilankhulo zachikondi

Aliyense ali ndi chilankhulo chake chachikondi. Anu akhoza kukhala mawu otsimikizira ndipo anzanu akhoza kukhala ntchito zantchito. Ndizosavuta kuganiza kuti wokondedwa wanu samakukondani momwe mumafunira kukondedwa (ndipo izi ndizovomerezeka ndipo ziyenera kukambidwa). Koma, chimodzi mwa zitsanzo zofunika kwambiri za kulolerana muubwenzi ndi chakuti aliyense ali ndi njira yakeyake yosonyezera chikondi.

Kudziwa chilankhulo cha chikondi cha wina ndi mnzake kumachokera pokhala limodzi ndikuwona mnzanuyo mozama. Kuvomereza kuti amakukondani, mwina mwanjira yawoyawo, ndiko kusokoneza muukwati ndikulimbitsa chikondi chanu nthawi imodzi. Palibe njira imodzi yosonyezera kudzipereka, chikondi, ulemu ndi zina zotero ndipo kuzindikira izi mwina ndi chimodzi mwazinthu zomwe zimamasula kwambiri zomwe mungachitire nokha ndi ubale wanu.

"Ndine munthu wokhudzidwa mtima ndipo mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga alibe," akutero Griffin. “Inenso ndimada nkhaŵa kwambiri mwachibadwa, choncho nthaŵi zonse ndimaganiza kuti palibe amene amandikonda monga mmene ndimakondera iwo. Ndimangokhalira kudzimvera chisoni. Zinanditengera zaka za chithandizo ndi nthaŵi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanga kuzindikira kuti mwina sangakhale akuthupi koma amandisonyeza molakwa pamene ndikuwafuna.”

Kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri si lingaliro loipa ngati mukufuna njira zabwino zothetsera kusamvana m'banja. Ngati mukufunadi kuchepetsa nkhawa zanu ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo, gulu la alangizi odziwa bwino ntchito la Bonobology lili pafupi nanu.

Ukwati umatengedwa ngati chikhazikitso chokhumba, njira yabwino kwambiri komanso yopatulika kwambiri yotsimikizira chikondi chanu ndi kudzipereka kwanu kwa wina ndi mzake. Izi zikutanthawuza kuti mwachibadwa pali zambiri zomwe zikuyenda paubwenziwu ndipo n'zosavuta kutaya umunthu wanu ndikuzimiririka pa udindo wanu waukwati.

Kunyengerera m'banja posanyengerera m'banja ndi funso lovuta, chifukwa chake kupanga njira yanu yapakati kumakhala kofunika kwambiri kuti mukhalebe ndi mtendere wamumtima ndikuwonetsetsa kuti banja lanu likhale lathanzi komanso lolimba. M’mawu ena, mungafunike kulolera molakwa mmene mungagonjetsere ukwati wanu.

"Dziyang'anirani nokha ndi zosowa zanu m'njira yoyenera. Chilichonse chimayamba ndi inu nokha. Ngati simungathe kudzisamalira, simungathe kusamalira maubwenzi ena. Pamene kudzisamalira ndi kulemekeza kumasamalidwa, munthu sangataye payekha," Shazia akutero.

Kumbukirani kuti banja lililonse ndi lapadera ndipo palibe njira imodzi yochitira zinthu. Ukwati ukhozanso kukhala wosasunthika mu maudindo ndi malamulo ake ndikukuchititsani kudzifunsa kuti, 'kodi ukwati ndi woletsa?' Koma, palibe chifukwa choti mutsekerezedwe mosalekeza pamachitidwe omwe mwauzidwa komanso oyembekezeka.

Khalani odekha kwa inu nokha ndi wina ndi mzake komanso muitane wina ndi mzake pakufunika. Pali njira zodziwikiratu za zosowa zanu ndi zokhumba zanu popanda kumupangitsa mnzanuyo kumva ngati sizikugwirizana ndi zomwe mukufuna. Kunyengerera sikutanthawuza kusiya zomwe mukufuna, ndikusintha kuti mumvetsetse kuti pali njira zambiri zokhalira ndi kukonda munthu wina. Zabwino zonse.

Ibibazo

1. Kodi kulolerana ndi chiyani muubwenzi?

Kunyengerera muubwenzi ndi kukumana wina ndi mnzake pakati ndi kupanga ubale womwe umakhazikika pakupereka ndi kutenga. Ndikonso kuonetsetsa kuti onse awiri ali ndi mawu ndi zolankhula m'banja, osati munthu m'modzi yekha amene akutsogolera.

2. Kodi simuyenera kulolera chiyani m’banja?

Musanyengerere ulemu wanu ndi mtendere wamumtima m’banja. Ngati banja liri ndi nkhanza zakuthupi kapena zamaganizo, kapena ngati zosowa zanu zikuyikidwa pachiwiri kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu, ndi nthawi yoti muike phazi lanu pansi.

3. Kodi banja lingayende bwino popanda kulolerana?

Sikaŵirikaŵiri kuti ukwati ugwire ntchito popanda kulolerana. Malire omveka bwino komanso athanzi akuyenera kutsatiridwa pa zomwe sizingakambirane koma kulolerana kuyenera kukwaniritsidwa pa zinthu zowoneka ngati zachikale monga tchuthi, kugonana ndi ndalama.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.