Kotero, umu ndi momwe zimakhalira. Muli muubwenzi wokhazikika komanso wokhazikika, mukuganizira za tsogolo lanu lokongola, lowala komanso labwino ndi mnzanu. Ndiye tsiku lina, mumadzuka ku maloto enieni omwe mnzanu akukunyengani kapena muli ndi maloto oti mumunyengerere. Uwu! Freaky, chabwino? Makamaka popeza ndizodziwika bwino kuti maloto nthawi zonse amakhala ndi tanthauzo lenileni.
Komabe, kukhala ndi maloto okhudza chibwenzi chonyenga kapena kulota zachinyengo pa mnzanu, kungakhale ndi matanthauzo osiyanasiyana kwa anthu osiyanasiyana ndi maubwenzi. Musanayambe kudziimba mlandu kapena kudzimva kuti muli ndi vuto lomwelo, ndikofunikira kumvetsetsa tanthauzo la kulota mnzanu akubera, kapena kukhala ndi maloto ochita chinyengo nokha.
Popeza katswiri wa zamaganizo Jayant Sundaresan ali nafe, izi zikhala zosavuta lero. Tiyeni tsopano tiwone bwino zifukwa zonse zomwe zingayambitse maloto otere, ngati ndi chifukwa chodera nkhawa, komanso momwe munthu angathanirane ndi vutoli.
Kodi Kukhala ndi Maloto Obera Kumatanthauza Chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Kwa iwo omwe ali pachibwenzi chodzipereka komanso cholimba, lingaliro loti munthu wachita zachinyengo kapena wanyengedwa lingakhale losasangalatsa kwenikweni. Komabe, ndizofala kwambiri kukhala ndi maloto obwerezabwereza okhudza zachinyengo kapena kulota chibwenzi chikukunyenga. Sizitanthauza kuti pali mavuto m'paradaiso. Simuyeneranso kuthamanga ndi kuulula zinthu kwa mnzanu.
Musanagonje pa mlandu kapena kuda nkhawa ndi momwe ubale wanu ulili, tiyeni timvetsetse zomwe maloto anu akufuna kukuuzani:
1. Kudzimva wolakwa
Maloto okhudza chinyengo pa mnzanuyo akhoza kukhala chizindikiro cha kudziimba mlandu pazochitika zina m'moyo weniweni. Itha kukhala ndandanda yanu yotanganidwa yomwe ikubwera m'njira ya moyo wanu wachikondi kapena kungoti simukumva kugwirizana ndi mnzanu posachedwapa.
Kodi izi ndi zomwe mukumva? Ndiye maloto anu okhudza chinyengo ndi malingaliro anu osazindikira omwe amakudzutsani kuti muganizire kwambiri za ubale wanu kapena kulankhula ndi mnzanu za kusadzipereka kwawo. Mwachionekere, mukusokonezeka kwambiri mu ubale wanu pakadali pano, ndipo mukumva chisoni kwambiri ndi izi pamlingo wosazindikira. Simungamve kudzimva kuti muli ndi mlandu nthawi zonse, koma ndithudi ulipo.
Monga Jayant akunenera, "Kusazindikira ndiye gawo lalikulu kwambiri la malingaliro ndi Id, yomwe ndi mfundo yosangalatsa ya munthu imamizidwa kwathunthu momwemo. Maloto athu nthawi zambiri amalumikizidwa ndi Id. Gawo la malingaliro limakhala ndi maloto a Id, kukwaniritsa zomwe akufuna. Zilakolako zosadziwa, kudzera m'mawu ake, zonse zimachitidwa ndi Id, zomwe zikuwonetsedwa mu malotowo. mosazindikira.”
2. Zowawa zakale
Mwinamwake munali osakhulupirika m’maubwenzi akale kapena mwinamwake munachitiridwapo chigololo. Zochitika zonsezi zingayambitse maloto okhudza kubera. Mukalota za mnzanu akubera, mungakhale mukugwirizanitsa zochitika zakale ndi ubale wanu wamakono. Kusakhulupirika kungakhale kopweteka kwambiri ndipo kuchira ndi ulendo wautali komanso wotopetsa kwa anthu ambiri.
Maloto okhudza chibwenzi cha mnzanu angakhale kubwereranso kwa mavuto akale. Pazochitika zotere, kukambirana ndi wokondedwa wanu kungakuthandizeni kuthetsa vutoli. Njira yabwino kwambiri ndikulankhula ndi katswiri yemwe angakuthandizeni kukhazikitsa mtendere ndi zakale zanu.
Ndizothekanso kuti zowawa zanu zam'mbuyomu zimakupangitsani kulota zakulumikizananso ndi wakale wanu. Tsopano, tsopano, dikirani kamphindi…gwirani akavalo anu! Izi sizikutanthauza kuti mumawasowa kapena mukufuna kubwereranso kwa iwo. Jayant akutiuza kuti: “Nthaŵi zambiri maubwenzi akale samatha mwamtendere.
3. Kusowa chemistry
Maloto okhudza kubera nthawi zambiri amagwirizanitsidwa ndi kusowa kwa chemistry m'moyo weniweni. Zomwe maloto muzochitika zotere angatanthauze ndikuti simukumva kukhudzika kwa wokondedwa wanu monga momwe munkachitira. Sizikugwirizana kwenikweni ndi chilakolako chakuthupi. Kupanda kugwirizana maganizo kungathandizenso kulota za chinyengo.
Jayant akupereka lingaliro lakuti, “Ngati simukupeza chikhutiro chakugonana chimene mumachifuna muubwenzi, mungakhale mukulota maloto okhudza anthu ena.” Mwachionekere, Id ikuseŵeranso chipwirikiti ndipo ikuyesera kukupatsani zosoŵa zanu zosakwanira. kapena 'Kodi ndikufunadi kuyikamo ndalama?' kapena mwinanso kuti, 'Kodi ndimakopeka ndi munthu wina?' Ngati ndiwe, ndiye kuti sizodabwitsa kuti ukulota munthu wina. ”
Ngati simukumva kukhala otetezeka muubwenzi, kupsinjika kungathe kuwononga chidziwitso chanu, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti muganizire za momwe muli ndi munthu wokonda kwambiri.
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4. Kudziona ngati wosatetezeka
Ukalota mnzako akubera, usadzuke ndikumumvera khutu. M'malo mwake, yesani kumvetsetsa chifukwa chomwe chikomokere chanu chikukupangitsani kuganiza za zochitika zomwe mnzanu wodzipereka akuyamba kusakhulupirika. Chifukwa chofala kwambiri ndi kudziona ngati wosatetezeka.
Lisa, m’banja losangalala wazaka 30, anayamba kukhala ndi maloto okhudza chinyengo cha mnzake pamene anali ndi pakati. "Ndimakhalabe ndi maloto pomwe mwamuna wanga amandinyenga ndi mkazi wamng'ono." Chifukwa cha vuto lakelo chinali chobisika chifukwa cha kusatetezeka kwake, Chifukwa cha mimba yake, ankadzimva kukhala wosatetezeka chifukwa cha maonekedwe ake. Amuna ndi akazi ambiri amakhala ndi maloto oti akubera kapena kunyengedwa pomwe sali okondwa mkati.
5. Stimuli Kutanthauzira Molakwika
Nthawi zina, timapatsa maloto kukhala ofunika kwambiri kuposa momwe amafunikira. Chidziwitso chathu komanso kusazindikira kwathu kumangotengera zolimbikitsa ndipo tikagona, zimatenga zinthu zamasiku athu ndikuzisewera ngati filimu ngati maloto. Kotero ngati munawona filimu yomwe mutu waukulu unali kusakhulupirika kapena mutakambirana za chinyengo pa tsiku lanu, mukhoza kukhala ndi maloto okhudza kubera pamene mukugona.
Mukalota za mnzanu akubera, nthawi zina ndi malingaliro anu ansanje omwe mungakhale nawo masana. Monga momwe Jayant akunenera, "Zolemba m'maloto anu nthawi zambiri zimakhala zomwe mukukumana nazo tsiku ndi tsiku. Maloto nthawi zambiri sayimira zomwe amawonetsa. Pali zizindikiro zambiri kwa iwo. Chofunikira ndichakuti pali nkhani yakumbuyo, yomwe ndi nkhani muubwenzi wanu.
Kodi Kulota Bwenzi Lanu Akukunyengerera Kumatanthauza Chiyani?
Maloto okhudza kubera amasokoneza, koma kulota za mnzanu akubera kungakhale chinthu chododometsa komanso chosokoneza chidaliro. Maloto okhudzana ndi kugonana kwa chibwenzi ndizochitika zofala kwa amayi omwe amadzipeza ali paubwenzi wosakhazikika m'maganizo.
Ngati nthawi zonse mumalota za chibwenzi chanu chikunyenga kapena chibwenzi chanu chikunyenga , zitha kukhala ndi matanthauzidwe osiyanasiyana poyerekeza ndi maloto anu okhudza kunyenga mnzanu.
1. Kusalankhulana
Mukalota za mnzanu akubera, kungakhale chizindikiro chachindunji cha kusowa kwa kulankhulana muubwenzi wanu. Nthawi zambiri m'maubwenzi, okwatirana salankhulana mokwanira, zomwe zimapangitsa kuti anthu omwe akukhudzidwawo azikhala osathetsedwa. Kodi mwakhala mukumva kusalumikizana mu ubale wanu posachedwa?
Kodi zochita zawo zasonyeza kuti simungathe kuwafotokozera zakukhosi kwanu kapena kuwafotokozera zakukhosi kwanu? Ngati ndi choncho ndiye kukhala ndi maloto za kunyengedwa ndi chabe umunthu wanu wamkati kuyesera kukuuzani kuti muyenera kumanganso wathanzi kulankhula chitsanzo mu ubwenzi wanu.
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2. Mukukayikira mnzanuyo
Ngati mwaika maloto anu okhudza mnzanu amene akubera, kodi mwakhala mukukayikira kuti akukuberani m'moyo weniweni? Ngati yankho ndi inde, ndiye kuti pali kufotokozera kosavuta kwa maloto anu. Zaka zingapo zapitazo, mnzanu anayamba kukayikira kuti akubera ndipo motero anali ndi maloto obwerezabwereza okhudza chibwenzi chake. Koma pamene kukayikira kwake kunapezeka kuti ndi kwabodza, anasiya kulota za mwamuna wake amene akubera . Choncho, ngati izi ndi zomwe zikuchitika kwa inu, pezani njira yothetsera kukayikira kwanu.
Jayant amathandizira izi. Iye akuti, "Ndizosavuta. Mwina pali zizindikiro zomwe zikukupangitsani kukayikira mnzanuyo kapena simukudziwa kuti akusiyani. Kaya chinachake cha nsomba chikuchitika ndipo mukutanganidwa nacho m'maganizo mwanu ndipo mukudziwa kuti simungakhulupirire zomwe mukuwona - zomwe zingathe kuwonetseratu m'maloto - kapena ayi, zikhoza kubwera chifukwa cha kusatetezeka kwanu.
3. Kudzimva kukhala woperekedwa m’mbali zina za moyo
Maloto okhudzana ndi chinyengo cha mnzanuyo angagwirizane ndi malingaliro osagwirizana ndi kugonana m'moyo weniweni. Maloto anu samagwirizana kwenikweni ndi ubale wanu, koma ndi zomwe zimachitika chifukwa chakusakhulupirika m'mbali ina ya moyo wanu. Muli ndi moyo kunja kwa ubale wanu ndipo zotsatira za moyo wanu nthawi zina zimatha kulowa muubwenzi wanu.
John anati: “Ndimakhala ndi maloto oti chibwenzi changa chikundizembera nditazindikira kuti mnzanga wa bizinesi wandipandukira. Kumverera kwake kwachinyengo m'moyo weniweni kunamupangitsa kukhala ndi maloto okhudza kubera komwe chibwenzi chake chinali kumupereka. Muzochitika ngati izi, ndikofunikira kuti mufotokoze zakukhosi kwanu kwa wokondedwa wanu, funsani thandizo la akatswiri ndikuthana ndi zoopsazo pang'onopang'ono.
Kodi Kubera Maloto Kukuchititsa Nkhawa?
Kamodzi kapena kawiri, mwina mulibe chodetsa nkhawa. Koma ngati izi zikuchitika nthawi zonse, ndiye kuti mwina ichi ndi chinthu chomwe muyenera kuchiganizira kwambiri. Inde, pafupipafupi kumapangitsa kusiyana kwenikweni apa.
Jayant akunena kuti, "Zimangokhala zodetsa nkhawa ngati zikungobwerezabwereza ndikubwerezabwereza. Komanso, ngati mukupeza kuti mukufuna kuti mndandanda wa malotowo uzisewera pamene muli maso, zikutanthauza kuti mukufuna kuti zichitike m'moyo wanu.
"Taganizirani, kodi izi zikuchokera kuti? Mungakhale mukumva nsanje komanso muli ndi mavuto okhudzana ndi kudalirana, koma mwina mukumvanso kuti muli ndi mlandu. Anthu amamva malingaliro osiyanasiyana nthawi imodzi. Mkhalidwe wa maloto umayesa kusonyeza zimenezo. Ngakhale malotowo atakhala okhudza kugonana, vuto silokhudzana ndi kugonana kwenikweni. Likhoza kukhala lokhudzana ndi kudalirana. Ngati zili choncho, ndiye kuti nkhawa ndi yeniyeni," akuwonjezera.
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Kodi Muyenera Kuchita Chiyani Ndi Maloto Okhudza Kubera?
Ngati muli otsimikiza za kuthana ndi maloto ovutawa akubera mnzanu ndipo mukufunadi kupulumutsa ubale wanu, umu ndi momwe zimakhalira, molunjika kuchokera kwa katswiri wathu Jayant. Izi ndi zomwe muyenera kuchita:
"Muyenera kujambula zidziwitso za malotowo. Lembani mutangodzuka osati pambuyo pa mphindi 15 kuchokera pamene ikuthawa. Muyenera kuteteza mopatulika. Osauza aliyense za malotowa monga momwe sangamvetsetse. Ena adzagwiritsa ntchito malingaliro omwe sangakuthandizeni chifukwa malotowa ndi odabwitsa. Dziwani kuti chikomokere chanu chikuyesera kupereka chinachake kwa inu. "
Mukasanthula malotowo ndikumvetsetsa komwe mwina akuchokera, izi ndi zomwe muyenera kuchita kuti muthetse.
Jayant akuti, "Tiyenera kuyesetsa kumanga ubale womwe ulipo. Pezani njira zopezera nthawi yochulukirapo ndi bwenzi lanu lapano. Osagawana nawo maloto anu. M'malo mwake, fufuzani zomwe zikusowa paubwenzi wanu ndikugwirira ntchito limodzi. Yambani kuyang'ana mkati. Kulankhulana, kukhulupirirana, ndi ulemu ndizofunikira pakumanganso ubale. Chofunika kwambiri, phunzirani kufunsa zomwe mukufuna kuchokera kwa chikondi. Yesani zinthu zatsopano ndi iwo kapena ayi.
Maloto okhudza kuonera si oipa kwenikweni kapena chizindikiro chakuti chibwenzi chanu chatha . Mukakhala ndi munthu yemweyo kwa nthawi yayitali, kudziganizira nokha m'zochitika zosangalatsa zogonana ndi chinthu chofala kwambiri. Komabe, ngati zikuchitika mobwerezabwereza, imirirani kaye ndikudzifunsa kuti, "Kodi kulota mnzanu akuonera kumatanthauza chiyani?" Dziwani kusiyana komwe kuli muubwenzi wanu ndikuyesera kuthetsa. Ngati ubale wafika kumapeto, chokani pamenepo kuti onse awiri asangalale.
Ibibazo
Inde. Ndi zachilendo komanso zathanzi kukhala ndi maloto okhudza kubera. Sizikutanthauza kuti mukufuna kubera mnzanu m’moyo weniweni kapena kuti m’paradaiso muli mavuto. Ngati maloto anu ali osasinthasintha, zikhoza kutanthauza kuti mukusokonezeka maganizo pa ubale wanu. Ngati mnzanuyo ndi amene akubera mu maloto anu, kachiwiri, si chifukwa nkhawa bola ngati simupeza nokha kuwakayikira kusakhulupirika m'moyo weniweni kapena zindikirani mbendera zofiira. Kukhalabe odekha komanso oganiza bwino ndikofunikira kwambiri ngati mukufuna kumvetsetsa chifukwa chake mukulota maloto otere.
Kulankhula zauzimu, maloto onena za kubera atha kukhala chidziwitso chanu choyesa kuwunikira nkhawa yomwe ili m'moyo weniweni. Munthu amene akubera m'maloto anu akhoza kusintha kwambiri, akukumana ndi malingaliro osatetezeka komanso odzikayikira, kapena sangakhale ndi chidaliro pa tsogolo la chiyanjano. Kutanthauzira kwina kwa maloto okhudza kunyenga pamalingaliro auzimu kungakhale kusowa kwa chitetezo ndi chitetezo mu ubale.
Maloto okhudzana ndi kukhala ndi munthu wina angatanthauze kuti simukukhutira ndi ubale wanu wamakono. Kusakhutira kumeneku kungakhale kwamaganizo ndi mwakuthupi.
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