Kodi Abuse Mu Ubale Ndi Chiyani?

Kodi mukudziwa chomwe nkhanza m'banja kapena simukudziwa chomwe chimatanthauza nkhanza? Nkhanza ndi kugwiritsa ntchito molakwa mphamvu, kukhulupirirana, ndi kulamulira muubwenzi wa okwatirana. Zizindikiro zoyamba zaubwenzi wankhanza zimawonekera m'moyo wa okwatirana pomwe m'modzi mwa okwatiranawo amachita zinthu ngati munthu wosakhazikika ndikuyesa kuwongolera moyo wa mnzake molingana ndi chifuniro chawo.

Mchitidwe wopanda chilungamo umenewu umaonekera m’maukwati ambiri kumene mwamuna kapena mkazi amalamulira mnzake wa m’banja ndi kusokoneza mgwirizano wa m’banja mwachipongwe. Pali njira zambiri zochitira nkhanza pamene ali pachibwenzi kapena m'banja. Tisanafufuze mozama, tiyeni tione kaye mitundu ya maubwenzi ankhanza.

Mitundu Ya Nkhanza Mu Ubale

Tanthauzo lanji lachipongwe lachiyanjano? Munthu wina akavulaza mnzake, kaya mwakuthupi kapena m’maganizo, zimatchedwa nkhanza. Nthawi zambiri zimachitika mozungulira, ndipo zimapitilira pakapita nthawi. Ndi chiyani chomwe chimatengedwa kuti ndi nkhanza mu ubale? Pali mitundu yosiyanasiyana ndipo imatha kugawidwa ngati:

1. Nkhanza: Nkhanza zoterezi zimadziwika ndi kumenyedwa. Zingaphatikizepo kumenya, kumenya mbama, kumenyedwa, kutsamwitsidwa, ndipo nthaŵi zina, ngakhale kuwotchedwa ndi kuduladula. Zizindikiro za nkhanza zakuthupi zimatha kuwoneka ngati mikwingwirima, mabala, ndi zipsera zina
2. Kuzunzidwa m'malingaliro: Kulankhula mawu achipongwe, mawu opweteka, ndi mawu odzudzula osayenerera kuti akhumudwitse winayo. Nkhanza zamaganizo zingathe kuchitidwa mwamseri, kapena ngakhale pagulu. Mawu opweteka okhudza maonekedwe kapena luso la munthu amangokhalira kuzunzidwa
3. Nkhanza zogonana: Kupangitsa bwenzi lako kugonana, kapena kuchita chilichonse chogonana mokakamiza. Kugwiririra m'banja kumatanthauzanso kugwiriridwa. Kugwiriridwa kuyenera kukhala ndi zochitika zosiyanasiyana. Zitha kuchitika kwa amuna ndi akazi omwe. Ana angakhalenso mikhole ya kugwiriridwa panyumba
4. Psychological abuse: Kugwiritsa ntchito zinthu zowopseza kuwopseza mnzanu kapena ana kuti achite zomwe sakufuna. Cholinga chake ndikupangitsa kuti munthu wozunzidwayo azidalira womuchitira nkhanzayo. Wokondedwa akhoza kuchitira nkhanza mnzakeyo kuti apeze zomwe akufuna
5. Kugwiritsa ntchito ndalama molakwika: Kugwiritsa ntchito ndalama kulamulira munthu wina, pamene mmodzi wa okondedwa amadalira ndalama za mnzake. Wogwiritsa ntchito ndalama akhoza kulipira ndalama za mnzake kuti akakamize mnzakeyo kuti agone

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Kodi nkhanza mu ubale ndi chiyani?

Mphamvu za 'control' zimayendetsa nkhanza mu ubale. Kodi ubale wankhanza ndi wotani ndendende ndipo chifukwa chiyani anthu amawona kufunika kochita zinthu monyanyira chonchi?

Ogwiritsa nkhanza nthawi zambiri amakhala olamulira omwe amawona kuti zinthu zili bwino momwe alili m'manja mwawo. Ndi kufunikira kwakukulu kowongolera, anthu oterowo amawongolera mikhalidwe mokomera iwo mwa kulinganiza kulimbikitsana koyenera ndi kudzudzula. Nthawi zina, anganene kuti 'Ndili ndi mwayi kukhala ndi mnzanga wotere…' kapena kugwiritsa ntchito matamando, kusyasyalika, ndi mphatso kusonyeza 'chikondi chawo chenicheni'.

Koma zinthu zingasinthe tsiku lotsatira pamene wogwiriridwayo angakakamize wogwiriridwayo kupsyinjika maganizo. Zotsatira zake, munthu wochitiridwa nkhanza akhoza kuyang'aniridwa mwakachetechete, kuopsezedwa, maulendo olakwa, kutukwana, kuzunzidwa, kusokoneza, ndi zina zotero.

Khalidwe losiyanasiyana lotereli limachititsa wozunzidwayo kudabwa, sadziwa komanso kusokonezeka. Sangathe kusanthula zochitika mopanda tsankho. Mchitidwe wankhanza umenewu wa 'mphotho ndi chilango' umagwiritsa ntchito kusatetezeka kwa ozunzidwa ndipo pang'onopang'ono umawononga kudzidalira ndi kudzidalira.

Motero, akhoza kudziimba mlandu yekha pa zolakwa zonse zomwe zikuchitika muubwenzi wawo. Kusinthana kwa mlandu muubwenzi kumawononga ubalewo. Posakhalitsa, nkhanza zimenezi muubwenzi zimakhala zovuta kwambiri, pomwe wozunzayo amasangalala ndi 'kugonana kwa munthu mmodzi' pa nkhani zonse zazikulu muukwati.

Monga mbuye, iye amalamulira ndi kuwongolera mwamuna kapena mkazi, zomwe zimawononga mtundu uliwonse wa banja kapena ubale. Kuti mupewe mchitidwe woyipawu wa kudzudzulana ndi mavuto, nazi zizindikiro zingapo zomwe zingakuthandizeni kuzindikira nkhanza mu ubale monga banja.

Kodi zizindikiro za nkhanza muubwenzi ndi chiyani?

Zizindikiro zaubwenzi wankhanza poyamba zimakhala zovuta kuzigwira koma ngati palibe chomwe chachitika panthawiyi, kutuluka muubwenzi wozunza kungakhale kovuta kwambiri. Ndiye zizindikiro zochenjeza za ubale wankhanza ndi zotani?

1. Palibe ulamuliro pakupanga zisankho: Wochitira nkhanzayo amatenga mphamvu zonse pakupanga zisankho m’banja. Ngakhale monga wosamalira pakhomo, mkazi wokwatiwa angafunike kudalira 'chilolezo' cha mwamuna wake pa zosankha zofunika monga zofunika zapakhomo za tsiku ndi tsiku ndi chisamaliro chake chaumoyo. Malinga ndi Kafukufuku wa National Family Health Survey 2005-06, 37% yokha ya amayi okwatiwa adavomereza kuti amatenga nawo mbali popanga zisankho zofunika monga chisamaliro chawo chaumoyo, kugula zinthu zofunika zapakhomo zatsiku ndi tsiku komanso kuyendera abale awo kapena abale awo. Maere otsalawo amadalira 'zovomerezeka' za mwamuna, chomwe ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zamphamvu za kukhala paubwenzi wankhanza.
2. Kuwukira ufulu wa mwamuna kapena mkazi: Kudziyimira pawokha ndiye cholepheretsa chachikulu panjira ya wozunza. Poyambirira, wochitira nkhanza angayese kufooketsa ufulu wa mwamuna kapena mkazi wake mwa njira zanzeru. Angamulimbikitse kuti asadzikakamize kwambiri posamalira nyumba ndi ntchito pamodzi. Pambuyo pake, angamufunse ndalama zogulira zinthu, zazing’ono ndi zazikulu. Kapena angagaŵire ndalama zochepa kwambiri zogulira zinthu pamwezi, zimene zingachititse mkazi kupsinjika maganizo kosafunikira. Kuzunzika kwachuma kotereku kumabweretsa mavuto osafunikira kwa wozunzidwayo ndipo amawasiya pachifundo cha wowachitira nkhanzayo
3. Kuletsa ufulu woyenda: Ndizodabwitsa kudziwa kuti amayi atatu okha pa atatu aliwonse amaloledwa kupita okha kumsika, kuchipatala kapena kukakumana ndi anzawo. Ngati mwamuna woteroyo amalola mkazi wake kupita kukacheza ndi mkazi wake kaamba ka maulendo ofunika oterowo, iye angayang’anire mkaziyo kaŵirikaŵiri kupyolera mwa mameseji kapena mafoni, zimene zingakhudzenso mtendere wamaganizo wa mkaziyo. Mwa kuika ziletso kwa mkazi wake, mwamuna wankhanza amasonyeza umunthu wake
4. Khalidwe lolamulira: Kuwongolera khalidwe kumadzetsa mbeu ya mavuto ndi kukaikira m'moyo wa banja. Kusuntha kwanu kulikonse, ndalama zilizonse, mawu aliwonse amawunikidwa ndikuwongoleredwa ndi mnzake wankhanzayo. Nthaŵi zina, mikhalidwe imakhala yovuta kwambiri pamene wogwiriridwayo ‘alephera’ kuululira banja lake kapena mabwenzi ngakhale patelefoni. Vutoli limapitirira pamene wozunzayo ayesa kulamulira ndalama ndi ndalama. Bajeti ikasintha pang'ono kapena zinthu sizikuyenda bwino, mkwiyo ndi ukali zimatha kuyambitsa mavuto osafunikira. Nsanje imameranso mbewu ya khalidwe lolamulira. Ngati mnzake womuchitira nkhanza akuganiza kuti wochitiridwa nkhanzayo ndi wosakhulupirika ndipo amalankhula momasuka ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi mnzake, ndiye kuti akhozanso kuika cheke pa mameseji a m’manja ndi ma rekodi oimbira foni, zomwe zimabwezeranso wozunzidwayo m’chigoba chake.
5. Nkhanza za m’banja ndizofala: Chizindikiro choopsa cha nkhanza, nkhanza za mwamuna kapena mkazi zimakhudza mabanja ambiri. Kodi mumadziwa, mmodzi mwa amayi atatu aliwonse omwe ali pabanja akuti adakwapulidwa ndi amuna awo. Zikavuta kwambiri, nkhanza za m'banjazi zitha kukhala ngati kugonana mokakamizidwa kapena kugwiriridwa m'banja, malinga ndi 28% ya amayi omwe adafunsidwa pa kafukufuku waposachedwa wa National Family Health Survey 2015-16.

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Zomwe zimayambitsa nkhanza muubwenzi ndi chiyani?

Kodi nkhanza muubwenzi ndi chiyani, ndipo kodi ozunza nthawi zonse amavutika ndi matenda amisala? Nthawi zambiri, zimawonedwa kuti ozunza ali ndi matenda achilendo a umunthu. Lingaliro la 'pereka ndi kulandira' silikupezeka mu dikishonale yawo. Anthu otere ndi odzikonda ndipo amangoyang'ana pa 'Ine, ine ndi ine' m'moyo. Komabe, kuulula munthu wodzikonda kungakupangitseni kuoneka ngati wodzikonda.

Anthu osowawa amaona kuti munthu aliyense, kuphatikiza mwamuna kapena mkazi wake, banja lake ndi anzawo, ayenera kuchita zinthu mogwirizana ndi zosowa zawo ndi ziyembekezo zawo. Kulephera kutsatira mfundo imeneyi kumakhala gwero lalikulu la nkhanza m'banja. Nazi zina zomwe zimayambitsa nkhanza muubwenzi, malinga ndi gulu la akatswiri a Bonobology.

1. Kuwona 'kuzunza' ngati 'kwabwinobwino': Kaŵirikaŵiri, anthu amene amakulira m’mikhalidwe yankhanza amaona kuchitiridwa nkhanza monga chinthu chachibadwa m’moyo wa okwatirana. Ichi ndi chifukwa chachikulu chimene ochitira nkhanza amapitirizabe kuzunza mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo, popanda ngakhale kuwavulaza. Ali mwana, ozunza oterowo angakhale aona makolo awo akuzunzidwa m’maganizo, m’maganizo kapena m’zandalama ndipo angapitirize mkhalidwe wofananawo m’banja lawo. Nthaŵi zina, ana amene amaona nkhanza za makolo kapena kuvutika nazo amaona nkhanza zakuthupi monga njira yokhayo yothetsera mikangano
2. Kutengera ufulu wa wokondedwa kwambiri: Amuna ambiri ochitira nkhanza amadziona kuti ndi ‘oyenera’ kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wawo ndipo amaona kuti zimenezi n’zothandiza kuti asamadzione ngati ali ndi ufulu wodzilamulira, asamachite zinthu mopanda ndalama komanso amayambitsa nkhanza. Malinga ndi chikhulupiliro cha anthu, amaona kuti ayenera kukhala ndi mphamvu ndi kulamulira mnzawo zomwe zingawathandize kukhala opambana muukwati.
3. Kupanda chifundo: Ochitira nkhanza, chifukwa cha chibadwa chawo, amakhala odzikonda kwambiri ndipo amalephera kumvera chisoni anzawo kapena kumvetsetsa malingaliro awo. Mulimonsemo, iwo sali okonzeka kupereka phindu la kukayika kwa wokondedwa wawo. Kaonedwe ka mbali imodzi kameneka kamatchinga ndi kuika chisonkhezero chapoizoni paukwati

Chifukwa chake, mutatha kudziwa zomwe zikuchitiridwa nkhanza muubwenzi, ndi nthawi yoyenera kuyimba foni komwe ubale wanu ukutsogola. Ngati mukuwona kuti wokuchitirani nkhanzayo akuyesera kukulepheretsani kukhala ndi vuto losagwirizana ndi ubale, ndiye kuti thandizo lilipo pano ku Bonobology.

Gulu lathu la alangizi akatswiri lilipo kuti akuthandizeni kuzindikira, kuthana ndi kuchira ku ubale wankhanza. Chifukwa chake, tsegulani ndikupanga kusintha m'moyo wanu.

Ibibazo

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.

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