Mafunso 15 Ofunika Kufunsa Kuti Mumangitsenso Chikhulupiriro Mu Ubale

Mosiyana ndi kukopa, kukhulupirirana si chinthu chimene chingachitike m’kuphethira kwa diso. Amamangidwa pakapita nthawi. Ndipo ikathyoka, sichitsitsimutsidwa mosavuta. Ngati pakhala kuswa chikhulupiliro pakati pa inu ndi wokondedwa wanu, pali mafunso omwe mungawafunse - mafunso olimbikitsanso kukhulupirirana muubwenzi.

Malinga ndi kafukufuku wina, "kuphwanya kukhulupirirana mu ubale wachikondi, chinthu chomwe chinakukhumudwitsani ndi kukukhumudwitsani, kungakhale kosavuta kuti mubwererenso chifukwa cha kukhulupirirana komwe kunalipo poyamba." Finkel (pulofesa wa psychology ku Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences) akufotokoza momwe magawo atatuwa a kukhulupirirana - kulosera, kudalirika ndi chikhulupiriro - ndi zomwe zimatilola ife kuti tichite zolakwa zamtsogolo. zakale.”

Mafunso 15 Ofunika Kufunsa Kuti Mumangitsenso Chikhulupiriro Mu Ubale

Pamene Nina adapeza mauthenga okopa a mwamuna wake Chris kwa mkazi wina, sanakhulupirire maso ake. Anamufunsa Chris za nkhaniyi ndipo Chris anapepesa kwambiri ponena kuti inali nthawi yochepa chabe ndipo anali wotsimikiza za izi. Ndipo kuti mkaziyo sanali ndi tanthauzo lililonse kwa iye. Nina ankatha kuona kuti mwamuna wake anali woona mtima popepesa, koma kwinakwake anataya chikhulupiriro chake mwa iye. Anayamba kudabwa momwe anthu padziko lonse lapansi amamangitsiranso chidaliro muubwenzi akachita chigololo.

Si Nina yekha amene anakumana ndi vuto limeneli. Anthu zikwizikwi amamva chimodzimodzi pamene akutola zidutswa za maubwenzi awo osweka. Ndipo ngati mukumva chimodzimodzi, apa pali mafunso ena oti muyambitsenso kukhulupirirana muubwenzi omwe mungamufunse mnzanuyo.

1. Kodi chinachitika nchiyani pakati pathu kutifikitsa pamenepa?

Chinthu choyamba choti muyambirenso kukhulupirirana muukwati kapena paubwenzi uliwonse ndicho kumasuka pa chochitika chimene chinayambitsa kusweka kwa kukhulupirirana. Kaya chinali chigololo chokhudza maganizo kapena kugonana, n’kofunika kuti mupatsidwe mpata woti munene momveka bwino za zimenezi, ngakhale zitakhala zopweteka chotani kwa mmodzi wa inu kapena nonse. 

Koma kuona mtima sikutanthauza kuti mumawafunsa chilichonse chokhudza kusakhulupirika kwawo, kuyambira pazogonana zomwe adatengera mpaka malingaliro a mnzanuyo za munthu winayo. Izi sizingathandize vuto.

M'malo mwake funsani mnzanu wosakhulupirika mafunso monga , “N’chifukwa chiyani munachita chinyengo?” kapena “Kodi pali china chake chomwe mukufuna kuchokera muubwenziwu (ndi inu komanso ndi amene anachitira chinyengo)?” Izi zikuthandizani kumvetsetsa kuopsa kwa kusakhulupirikako komanso komwe nonse muli muubwenziwo. Kufunsa mnzanu zomwe zinachitika kudzakhala chimodzi mwa zinthu zovuta kwambiri zomwe mungachite, chachiwiri kuposa chisankho chomwe mupanga chokhalirabe muubwenziwo kapena kuchoka. Koma ndi limodzi mwa mafunso ofunikira kwambiri kufunsa kuti mubwezeretse chidaliro muubwenzi.

Kuti mumve zambiri zamakanema akatswiri chonde lembani ku Youtube Channel yathu. Dinani apa

2. Mukumva bwanji?

Izi zimapita njira zonse ziwiri. Wobera mnzakeyo ayenera kumacheza ndi wokondedwa wake nthawi zonse, makamaka ngati onse akuyesera kuthetsa chibwenzicho. Ndipo nthawi zina, mnzawo amene anaberedwa ayenera kufunsanso mnzake funso limeneli. Mwina mungadabwe kuti, “N’cifukwa ciani maganizo a munthu wacinyengo ali ofunika kwambili pamene ali olakwa momveka bwino? Ngakhale kuli kovuta kuti munthu akhulupirire, chigololo chingakhale chopweteka kwambiri kwa amene anali wosakhulupirika, makamaka ngati wobera mnzakeyo akudziwa kuti chimene anachita chinali cholakwika, ndipo tsopano chikuimira kutaya munthu amene amamukonda. Limeneli ndi funso labwino kufunsana wina ndi mzake nthawi zonse pamene mukuyesera kukonzanso chikhulupiliro mu ubale pambuyo pa chinyengo.

Ndikofunikira kudziwa momwe mnzanu wonyenga akumvera. Ngati akukupangitsani kumva kuti ndinu amene mwayambitsa kusakhulupirika, ndiye kuti mwina sakumvera chisoni monga momwe akunenera. Funsoli lingakuthandizeninso kusankha ngati ubale wanu ndi woyenera kumangidwanso kapena ayi.

3. Kodi ndingatani kuti ndikuthandizeni kapena kuti mukhale bwino?

Ndi munthu kulakwitsa. Ngakhale kuti zolakwa zina sizikhululukidwa mosavuta, aliyense amayenera kukhala ndi mwayi wokonza zinthu. Mnyamata wina wazaka 33 dzina lake Mabel, yemwe anali wowerenga mabuku, anatiuza kuti: “Ndinaiwala kuthirira chomera cha Henry cha Jade n’kumwalira. Pozindikira kulakwitsa kwake, Mabel adafunsa Henry momwe angapangire zinthu kukhala bwino. Anapempha Mabel kuti ulendo wotsatira amuperekeze kwa agogo ake kuti akamuthandize kusamalira dimba lawo.

Mukayesa kumanga chidaliro muubwenzi, ili ndi limodzi mwa mafunso ofunikira kwambiri omufunsa. Mukapepesa kwa munthu moona mtima , zimasonyeza kuti ndinu wokonzeka kutenga udindowo ndikuyesetsa kuti muyandikirenso mnzanu. Zimasonyeza kuti mukufuna kukonza zinthu.

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4. Kodi mumandikhulupirira ndi zinsinsi zanu?

Pamene pali mafunso oti ayambitsenso kukhulupilirana mu maubwenzi, ili mwina ndi limodzi mwa mafunso ozama okhuzana ndi kukhulupirirana omwe maanja ayenera kufunsana. Kunyada kumabwera pamene wokondedwa wanu akuitana iwe wosunga chinsinsi.

Komabe, ngati simukumasuka kugawana zinsinsi wina ndi mnzake, ndiye kuti ndi nkhani yodetsa nkhawa. Kugawana mawu achinsinsi anu pa malo ochezera a pa Intaneti ndi pafoni si umboni woti mukudalirana (aliyense ayenera kukhala ndi chinsinsi). Mungakhale ndi mawu achinsinsi onse a mnzanu, koma ngati akukayikira kuti ali pachiwopsezo ndi inu, ndiye kuti nonse muyenera kupitiriza kugwira ntchito kuti mubwezeretse chidaliro muubwenzi wanu.

5. Kodi pali chinachake chimene simungathe kundiyankhula?

Kuphwanya kukhulupirirana kumachitika pakakhala mabodza. Ndipo pali zifukwa zambiri zabodza. Mutha kunamiza mnzanu pamene mukuchita zinthu zomwe nthawi zambiri zimawonedwa ngati zosayenera. Nthawi zina, munthu amanama akaona kuti chowonadi chidzakhumudwitsa mnzake. Pamene kuli kwakuti m’zochitika zina amawona kuti kuvomereza kwawo sikudzalandiridwa bwino.

Ichi ndichifukwa chake, momwe kukhulupirira kumapita, ili ndi limodzi mwamafunso ofunikira kwambiri kuti mumufunse iye ndi iye kuti amvetsetse kuchuluka kwa kuwonekera kwa ubale wanu, momwe wokondedwa wanu amakutsegulirani momasuka, komanso ngati pali kuweruza kulikonse komwe kumalepheretsa bwenzi limodzi kukhala woona mtima.

6. Kodi ndi makhalidwe atatu ati amene mumasirira kwambiri kwa ine?

Kawirikawiri m'maubwenzi ambiri, pamene kudziwana kukukula pakati pa okwatirana, amayamba kunyalanyazana . Amakhala osaganizirana kwambiri ndipo kusadzidalira kumawonjezeka. Nthawi ngati zimenezi, kufunsa mafunso awa kuti mubwezeretse chidaliro muubwenzi ndi chinthu chachibadwa. Ndipotu, ayenera kulimbikitsidwa. Kulankhula za makhalidwe omwe mumakonda mwa mnzanu kudzakukumbutsani chifukwa chomwe mudamukondera poyamba.

Mwina mumaona kuti sali otsimikiza, koma kunali kutha kwawo kukhala chete pamavuto omwe mudakondana nawo. Mwina mumaganiza kuti amangokonda kwambiri, koma chidwi chawo chatsatanetsatane ndichomwe chakusangalatsani. Zochita zolimbitsa thupi zomwe zimakupangitsani kuyamikiridwa ndi okondedwa wanu ndizochitika zofunika kuti muyambitsenso kukhulupirirana muubwenzi.

7. Kodi mumandilandira monga momwe ndiliri?

Cholakwika chachikulu chomwe maanja angapo amachita muubwenzi wawo ndikuyesera kusinthana. Ngati mnzanu nthawi zambiri amakhala munthu wachikondi komanso wochezeka, adzakhala chimodzimodzi ndi aliyense. Kuyembekezera kuti mwadzidzidzi adzipatula chifukwa cha inu n'kosalungama kwa iwo. Mofananamo, ngati mnzanuyo amakonda nyimbo, ndiye kuti kuyembekezera kuti asiye gitala yawo chifukwa choti mukuona ngati kuwononga malo, n'kosalungama kwa iwo. Chofunika kwambiri, chimayambitsa mavuto okhulupirirana.

Chikondi ndicho kuvomereza munthu mmene alili. Izi sizikutanthauza kuti ngati mnzanuyo ndi wosuta unyolo, ndiye muyenera kuvomereza makhalidwe awo oipa. Zikutanthauza kuti muyenera kuvomereza chikhalidwe cha munthu komanso kuti iwo ndi ndani monga anthu. Anthu ali ngati zotanuka. Mutha kungowatambasula mpaka asanaduke, kapena kupitilira apo, kusweka. Nthawi zina anthu amasiya kutsatira mfundo imeneyi. Kufunsa mafunso oterowo kuti muyambirenso kukhulupirirana paubwenzi kungakuthandizeni kuzindikiranso.

8. Kodi ndinu omasuka kuvomereza zolakwa zanu?

Ziribe kanthu momwe mungayesetsere kukonza vuto linalake, kapena momwe mungayesetsere kuti mutenge zidutswa za chikhulupiliro muubwenzi, palibe chomwe chingakhudze ngati simungathe kuvomereza pamene mwalakwitsa.

"Kodi muli omasuka kuvomereza zolakwa zanu?" ndi limodzi mwa mafunso ozama okhudza kudalirana omwe muyenera kufunsana komanso inu nokha. Zimafunika kudzidalira kwambiri kuti muvomereze zofooka zanu osati kusewera mosinthana mlandu mumasewera aubwenzi . Zimasonyeza kuti ndinu wokonzeka kutenga udindo pa zochita zanu komanso wokonzeka kugwira ntchito paubwenzi. Zikuoneka zosavuta, koma zochita zosavuta ngati zimenezi zokonzanso kudalirana muubwenzi zimathandiza kwambiri.

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9. Kodi makolo anu anasonyeza bwanji kudzipereka kwa wina ndi mnzake?

Makolo athu ndi aphunzitsi athu oyambirira. Momwe timachitira ndi vuto linalake, moyo, anthu, ndi maubale ndi zinthu zomwe timaphunzira tikamawona makolo athu akuchitiranso chimodzimodzi. Chifukwa chake, sizodabwitsa kuti machitidwe athu okondana ndi anzathu nthawi zina amawonetsa kudzipereka kwa makolo athu kwa wina ndi mnzake.

Limodzi mwa mafunso ofunika kwambiri okhulupirirana amene angamufunse ndi mmene makolo awo ankasonyezera kudzipereka kwa wina ndi mnzake (kapena kupanda kutero). Ndipo mukasanthula izi, mumvetsetsa chifukwa chake mnzanuyo amachitira zinthu mwanjira inayake muubwenzi wawo ndi inu.

10. Kodi malingaliro athu okhulupirira ndi kudzipereka amagwirizana?

Ndipo kodi kusiyana kumeneku n’kovomerezeka kwa ife? Awa ndi mafunso oti mufunse kuti mubwezeretse kudalirana muubwenzi ndi mnzanu pamene kudalirana kwasweka . Mufunseni tanthauzo lake la kudalirana ndi kudzipereka. Zimene mumaona kuti ndi kuphwanya kudalirana sizingakhale zofanana kwa mnzanuyo.

Bran anali ndi chizolowezi choyang'ana akazi ena, omwe Haley sankamasuka nawo. Bran amalimbikira kunena kuti amangoyang'ana ndipo bola ngati alibe thupi sikunali kubera. Haley anazindikira kuti lingaliro la Bran la kudalira ndi kudzipereka linali losiyana kwambiri ndi iye. Polephera kugonja, adaganiza zosiyanitsidwa ndi Bran. Patapita zaka ziwiri, anakumana ndi Roger yemwe mwamwayi anali ndi maganizo ofanana ndi ake pa kukhulupirika. Ndipo tsopano ali m’banja losangalala.

11. Kodi chinenero chanu chachikondi ndi chiyani?

Pali mitundu isanu ya zilankhulo zachikondi ndipo chilankhulo chathu chachikulu cha chikondi chingasiyane ndi cha okondedwa athu. Ndikofunikira kwambiri kusonyeza chikondi kwa mnzathu m'chilankhulo chawo chachikondi. Kusachita izi kungayambitse kusakhazikika muubwenzi.

Tangoganizani izi, chilankhulo chachikondi cha mnzanu chikuwononga nthawi yabwino ndipo chilankhulo chanu chachikondi ndichokhudza thupi. Mumangokhala nawo limodzi kuti muwonetse chikondi pomwe iwo akufuna kuchita ndikuwonera kanema ndi inu. Iwo amayenera kupeza malingaliro olakwika ndikuganiza kuti muli momwemo chifukwa cha kugonana. Kumene mafunso oti muyambitsenso kukhulupirirana muubwenzi ali okhudzidwa, muyenera kufunsa ameneyu, kuti nonse mukwaniritse zosowa za wina ndi mnzake momwe mungathere.

12. Kodi tiyenera kuchita chiyani kuti tipewe kusokoneza chikhulupiriro m’tsogolo?

Mukakumana ndi mavuto muubwenzi chifukwa cha kusakhulupirika kwa munthu, zimakhala zovuta kwambiri kuthetsa mavuto okhudzana ndi kudalirana omwe amabwera chifukwa cha zimenezi. Pazochitika zotere, ndi bwino kufunsa mnzanuyo mwachindunji momwe akufunira kupulumutsira ubalewo. Kufunsa mafunso otere kumathandiza kumanganso kudalirana muubwenzi mutachita chigololo.

Kusasunga foni pansi. Kuonetsetsa kuti mwauza mnzanu komwe mukupita komanso amene mukukumana naye, mpaka mutayambiranso kudalirana. Kuchepetsa zochita zonse zomwe mukuganiza kuti zingakuikeni pachiyeso kapena kuwononga ubale wanu. Zochita zotere zobwezeretsa kudalirana muubwenzi zidzayamikiridwa kwambiri ndi mnzanuyo.

13. Kodi mungadzidalire nokha?

Pali mitundu iwiri ya chidaliro, chimodzi chomwe mumamvera munthu wina komanso china chomwe mumadzimvera nokha - chomwe chimatchedwanso kudzidalira. Kukhulupirira kotere n’kofunika kwambiri. Ndipo kudzidalira kumadza ndi kudzizindikira.

Stella, yemwe ali ndi zaka 28, ananena kuti: “Panali mafunso ena okhudza kukhulupirirana amene ndinafunika kudzifunsa nditasiya kundikhulupirira: Kodi ndingadzikhulupirire ndekha?

 14. N’cifukwa ciani mufuna kulimbitsa cikhulupililo cathu mu ubale wathu?

Nthawi zambiri, munthu akupitiriza kukhala paubwenzi kumene bwenzi lawo wapereka chikhulupiliro chawo, osati chifukwa cha chikondi koma zinthu zina monga ana, chikhalidwe kukakamizidwa, kapena ngakhale chigwacho ndi yosavuta mantha a zinthu zachilendo pambuyo kutha.

Funso limodzi lomwe muyenera kufunsa musanakhazikitsenso chidaliro muubwenzi ndi ili: Kodi chifukwa chiyani mukupitiriza kukhala ndi mnzanu? Ngati yankho lake si chikondi ndi chikondi ndipo mukufunadi kupatsa ubalewo mwayi wina , ndiye kuti mgwirizanowo suyenera kusungidwa. Ngati mukudzimana kuti mupindule ena, ndiye kuti ndi chizindikiro chofiira paubwenzi wanu.

15. Kodi mungaganizire uphungu wa maanja?

Pali kusalana kochuluka komwe kumakhudzana ndi kufunafuna thandizo pazibwenzi. Komabe, nthawi zina ndi njira yoyenera kuchita, makamaka pamene nonse mukuyesera kuti ubalewo ugwire ntchito koma mukulephera kuchoka mu chisokonezo chomwe chakhalapo.

Njira yokonzanso chikhulupiriro ikhoza kukhala yopweteka kwambiri kwa onse awiri, munthu amene anaperekedwa ndi munthu amene anaika pachiwopsezo ubalewo. Pazochitika zotere, ndi bwino kufunafuna thandizo la katswiri wodziwa bwino ntchito. Munthu amene angakuthandizeni kuthetsa mavuto amenewa. Ngati mukukumana ndi mavuto okhudzana ndi chikhulupiriro, simuli nokha. Anthu amene amafunafuna thandizo pa mavuto okhudzana ndi chikhulupiriro nthawi zambiri amatha kupezanso chidaliro mwa ena kudzera mu uphungu. Izi zingathandize kuti ubale wawo ukhale wabwino komanso kuti azikhala bwino. Alangizi a Bonobology athandiza anthu ambiri kukhala ndi moyo wabwino kudzera mu uphungu wa pa intaneti ndipo inunso mutha kuugwiritsa ntchito.

Ubale wodzipereka umafuna khama kwambiri. Kugwira ntchito pa ubalewu ndi udindo wa onse okhudzidwa. Pamene mukuyambanso kukhulupirirana muukwati kapena muubwenzi uliwonse, ngati muyamba kuona kuti ndinu nokha amene mukuchita zonse zomwe mungathe, ndi bwino kuzisiya. Ziribe kanthu momwe zimakhalira zovuta poyamba.

Ubale wopanda kukhulupirirana ulibe kudalirika. Ngati mukufunadi kumanganso kukhulupirirana muubwenzi mutachita chinyengo, ndikofunikira kwambiri kuti muyambe ndi kutenga nthawi ndikuyesetsa kukhululukirana. Ngakhale mutakhala kuti simungathe kuiwala, khululukirani. Kuyesa kukonza ubale wanu uku mukusunga chakukhosi sikudzapindulitsa. Kudzakhala maziko osakhazikika omangira ubalewo.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.