15 Ubale Red Mbendera Mwa Munthu Kukhala Maso

Anthu ambiri omwe ali ndi chidwi ndi amuna angagwirizane ndi izi - Kodi sizikuwoneka kuti tikhoza kusonkhana ndikuyankhula za mbendera zofiira mwa mwamuna kwa ola limodzi, ngakhale tonse titakhala osadziwika kwa wina ndi mzake? Izi sichifukwa choti mwachibadwa pali chinachake cholakwika mwa amuna. Iyi ndi nkhani yokulirapo. Ndipo m’maleredwe amenewa, ndikufuna kuti mabungwe athu a maphunziro, kusalolerana ndi miyambo yozika mizu m’zipembedzo, m’nyumba zathu zogonana ndi achibale athu (kuphatikizapo akazi amene modzikuza amalemekeza ulamuliro wa makolo), anzathu ndi anzathu, mafilimu athu ndi zoulutsira mawu, kuti achitepo kanthu poonetsetsa kuti palimodzi kuonetsetsa kuti amuna asathawe mamuna wapoizoni.

Iliyonse mwa mabungwewa yachita ntchito yayikulu pothandizira mbendera zofiira zazikulu kwambiri mwa munthu. Amuna amalimbikira kulamulira ndikukana chilichonse chomwe amachiwona ngati chocheperako kapena chosakhala chamwamuna, kaya ndi chizindikiritso cha jenda kapena mtundu. Amatsimikizira kufunika kwawo mwakukhala mokweza, bwino, zazikulu, zamphamvu, zaukali, ndi ndalama zambiri ndi mphamvu. Kapena m’njira yomvetsa chisoni, amatsimikizira kufunika kwawo mwa kupikisana kuti awone amene amagonana ndi akazi ambiri.

Tinalankhula ndi psychotherapist Dr. Aman Bhonsle (PhD, PGDTA), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa upangiri wamaubwenzi ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Amagawana nafe malingaliro ake pankhaniyi, ndipo palimodzi, tinayesa kufufuza mbendera zofiira mwa mwamuna.

15 Ubale Red Mbendera Mwa Munthu Kukhala Maso

Tikamalankhula za mbendera zofiira mwa mwamuna, tikukamba za mbendera zofiira mu dongosolo lonse. Koma amuna a cis nthawi zambiri amakhala ofala kwambiri komanso amphamvu kwambiri, ndipo amapeza madalitso ambiri posamalira machitidwe a makolo. Dr. Bhonsle Anawonjezera kuti: “Kachilombo koyambitsa mpikisano kanabadwira mwa amuna ndi ulamuliro waumuna umene nthaŵi zonse amayenera kuyeza ndi kukulitsa.” Kachilomboka kameneka kachokera panthaŵi imene amuna ankamenya nkhondo ndi kuloŵerera m’ntchito zolemetsa, ndipo akazi anali olera ndi kusamalira nyumba. ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi.”

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Zitsanzo 10 Za Maudindo Achikhalidwe Aakazi Akazi

Ndiye tiyeni tiyesetse kutsegula ena mwa zokambiranazi m'nkhaniyi. Ngati mumakopeka ndi amuna ndipo mwakhala mukuganiza, "Chifukwa chiyani sindingathe kuwona mbendera zofiira mwa mwamuna?", Nkhaniyi ndi yanu. Tiyeni tikambirane 15 ubale wofiira mbendera munthu kukhala maso.

1. Pali kunyalanyaza malire anu

Akuwonetsa kunyalanyaza malire anu ngakhale mutawafotokozera. Kodi ndingapeze nambala yanu? Adilesi yanu? Kodi ndingakuyimbireni ora lino? Kodi ndingagwire dzanja lanu? Kodi ndingabwere nanu mukakumana ndi anzanu? Kodi ndingakutumizireni maliseche, kapena munganditumizireko zanu? Ngati akukufunsanibe mafunso komwe mukuwona kuti mukukankhidwa kukhoma ndipo muyenera kunena zanu malire abwino nthawi ndi nthawi, ndi nthawi kuthamanga. Izi ndi zina mwa mbendera zazikulu zofiira mwa mwamuna. Mwamuna ngati uyu akuganiza kuti ali ndi ufulu wa malo anu, nthawi ndi thupi lanu. Izo zidzangoipiraipira.

“Taphunzitsidwa kusalingalira za kudziunjikira tokha, ndi kukondweretsa ndi kuchereza ena moyo wathu wonse.” Nkovuta kudziŵa mkhalidwe umenewu, koma ndakhala wosamala za icho m’zaka zingapo zapitazi.

2. Amatengeka ndi malingaliro achikale a umuna

Amapangitsa kunyansidwa kwawo kapena kusakonda kwa aliyense amene samamuona ngati mwamuna wokongola zoonekeratu, kaya ndi mawonekedwe a nkhope, kunyoza kapena kusalana. Ngati ali otengeka ndi malingaliro a umuna omwe amagwirizana ndi mphamvu ndi ulamuliro, kapena pokhala a bwenzi lodzikonda komanso lolamulira, zidzakukhudzani posachedwa. Izi ndi mbendera zazikulu zofiira za munthu wosatetezeka.

Dr. Bhonsle akuti, "Kodi chimapanga mwamuna ndi chiyani? Ngati mutafunsa amuna mwachisawawa kuti ayankhe funsoli, adzakhala osowa. Sakudziwa momwe angatanthauzire umuna kupyola matanthauzo a makolo akale omwe adayikidwa pa iwo." Sanaphunzitsidwe kukayikira gwero la zowona zawo, chifukwa gwero limenelo linali gulu lawo lapafupi ndi mabwalo awo apamtima, mabwenzi apamtima ndi masukulu apamwamba. kuchokera ku magwero oterowo, motero timawopa kuwatsutsa.

Dr. Bhonsle akunenanso za momwe ife timachitira stereotype amuna, “Ngati mwamuna akufuna kukhala wokonza mafashoni, anthu amamuuza kuti apite kuvala sari kutanthauza kuti ‘wataya umuna wake.

3. Iye ali ndi machismo-centered world-view

Mmodzi mwa mbendera zofiira zoyambirira mwa mwamuna ndikuti mafilimu ambiri omwe amawakonda, mawonetsero ndi mabuku amapangidwa ndi amuna ndipo ali ndi amuna omwe ali otchulidwa pakati. Ngati dziko lanu la zoulutsira mawu lidadzazidwa ndi mtundu umodzi wokha wa nkhani zachimuna zomwe zimakonda amuna, ndikuwaphunzitsa amuna momwe angakhalire 'mwamuna', ndiye kuti pali cholakwika.

Komanso, chimodzi mwa mbendera zazikulu zofiira mwa mwamuna zikhoza kukhala kuti amatengeka ndi minofu yake ndipo nthawi zambiri amalankhula kapena amatanthauza kukhala bwino kuposa amuna ena chifukwa cha thupi lake. “Sanalankhule chilichonse chatanthauzo ndipo sanasiye kuwonera mavidiyo olimbitsa thupi, kunena za zakudya zake, kapena momwe angamenyere mwamuna wina. Umuna wapoizoni ndi kugonana kwachisawawa ku mlingo wotsatira. Zinali zowopsa pang'ono komanso kutembenuka kwakukulu, "akutero Amelia.

Amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha nawonso nawonso amakhudzidwa ndi kugonana. Bell Hooks m'buku lake Kufuna Kusintha Anati: “Amuna ambiri ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amagonana ndi amuna kapena akazi okhaokha m’maganizo awo monga mmene amachitira anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha.

4. Mbendera zofiira mwa mwamuna: Sachita chidwi ndi zachiwerewere

Safuna kulankhula za chitonthozo chanu chakugonana, malire, zowawa, zosowa, zosangalatsa, zosakonda ndi zokonda, njira zakulera, ndi zina zotero. Inde satero. Amuna ena amaganiza kuti amakudziwani bwino kuposa momwe mumadziwira. Aliyense amene ali ndi chidwi ndi amuna, makamaka ngati ndinu wamng'ono kwambiri, mvetserani. Ngati sakulemekeza zomwe "simungathe" kuchita pazaubwenzi, komanso ngati amakulepheretsani kugonana komanso kugonana pa siteji ILIYONSE pa nthawi yonseyi, ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira kwambiri mwa mwamuna pamene ali pachibwenzi. Mukuloledwa kunena kuti ayi ndipo mukuyenera kuti "ayi" kuti amvedwe ndikutsatiridwa panthawi iliyonse yogonana.

Sizongolowera kapena kukulitsa, ngakhale kukhudza kumatha kudutsa malire anu ogonana mukadapanda kuvomereza kale. "Ndinkaganiza kuti ngati ndavomereza kugonana, ndipo tili pakati, sindingathe kubwereranso pa mawu anga chifukwa izo zidzamukhumudwitsa. Ndine wokondwa kuti ndikudziwa bwino kwambiri tsopano. Ngati chitonthozo changa sichili chofunika kwa iye, amasiya kukhala wofunika kwa ine. "Zosavuta," akugawana nawo Chloe.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kupwetekedwa kwa Nkhanza Zogonana Kumabweretsa Nkhani Za Ubwenzi Wamoyo Wonse

5. Kusapezeka m'malingaliro ndiko kusakhazikika kwake

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira mwa mwamuna pamene ali pachibwenzi ndi chakuti zimamveka ngati nyundo ndi chisel zimamutsegula. “Kaŵirikaŵiri amuna achikulire amene satha kupanga maunansi okhudza mtima ndi akazi amene anasankha kukhala nawo paubwenzi m’kupita kwa nthaŵi, amalephera kudzilola kuwakonda powopa kuti wokondedwayo angawasiye.” - Bell Hooks, Kufuna Kusintha.

Pakhoza kukhala zifukwa zambiri za kusowa kwake kwamalingaliro, ndipo ngakhale mungamumvere chisoni, mukuyenera kukhala ndi mnzanu yemwe mtima wake uli wokonzeka kuti akulandireni. Kusapezeka kwamalingaliro kungadziwonetserenso m'makhalidwe amwano, mawu achipongwe, ndi mkwiyo.

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Amuna amaphunzitsidwa kubisa mmene akumvera mumtima mwake ngati kuti ndi zinsinsi zing’onozing’ono.” Ngakhale m’mabanja amauza mnyamata kuti asinthe maganizo ngati ali ndi vuto. Nkhani zokwiyitsa mwa mwamuna ndizovomerezeka, monga momwe timaganizira kuti chisoni ndi chovomerezeka mwa amayi. Ichi ndichifukwa chake anyamata ndi abambo safuna kapena kusangalatsidwa ndi ululu wawo monga momwe anthu ena amachitira. Izi sizachilungamo, ndipo kupwetekedwa m’maganizo kwa iwo kumaonekera.”

6. Amakuchitirani manyazi nthawi zonse

"Kaya ndi momwe ndimavalira, kapena zochitika zanga zam'mbuyomu zakugonana, munthuyu anali wosokoneza kwambiri moti ndimatha kukumana naye kwa mlungu umodzi. Ndinkangodzimva kuti ndilibe mphamvu. Ndikanakonda ndikanangowona mbendera zofiira mu mbiri ya chibwenzi cha munthu kotero kuti ndisapite naye konse," amagawana Amelia.

Izi mwatsoka ndizofala pagulu lonse. Amapanga kusatetezeka kwawo pa inu ndikukupangani kuyesa kwawo kakang'ono komwe atha kuwongolera ndikuwongolera momwe angafunire. Mukuyenera kukhala ndi bwenzi lomwe limakulolani kuti musakhululukire, kulemekeza zomwe mumadziwonetsera nokha komanso zakale, ndipo siali m'modzi mwa okondedwawo kapena amuna amene amatsutsa maonekedwe anu, mbiri yanu, kugonana kwanu ndi zomwe mumakonda.

7. Mbendera zofiira mwa mwamuna: Ndi wokonda kugonana

Nthawi zambiri amatcha akazi ofooka komanso odabwitsa. Amalankhula za iwo monyozeka koma amakuuzani kuti ndinu osiyana. Tonse takumana ndi mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya munthu uyu, sichoncho? Kugonana mwa mwamuna kungawonekere m'mene amaimba mlandu ozunzidwa kapena ozunzidwa chifukwa cha zomwe adadutsamo, amadzichepetsa poyera kwa akazi, ndipo amakonda kulamulira khalidwe lawo la kugonana. Iye samaganiza kuti akazi ndi ofanana mwanzeru ndi amuna, ndipo amanyoza kapena kutsutsa zomwe akwaniritsa.

Ngati muwona mbendera zofiira izi mu mbiri ya chibwenzi cha munthu, yesani kumanzere nthawi yomweyo. Pamene tikukula, timaphunzira kuti munthu aliyense wokonda kugonana yemwe amanyoza ukazi mwa wina aliyense kapena kunyoza jenda lanu lonse sangakhale munthu wokhwima maganizo.

8. Luso lake lolankhulana limafunikira ntchito yambiri

Kaya sangathe kukhala pachiopsezo komanso zokambirana zapamtima ndi inu kapena ali wamwano kwambiri, kusowa kwa luso loyankhulana ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira kwambiri mwa mwamuna. Zokambirana ndizomwe mumasiyidwa nazo m'masiku omwe kugonana kumatenga kumbuyo ndikutuluka kumakhala ngati ntchito. Ngati satha kulankhula nanu bwino ndipo akumva ngati muyenera kubwera ndi mitu yoti mukambirane nthawi zonse, kapena mukumva kutopa mukangoyimba foni, ndiye nthawi yoti muwunikenso izi. ubale wopanda thanzi.

Cathy anati: “Anzangawo ndi amene anandiuza kuti iye amadana nane, ndipo sanali wodekha kwa ine ngakhale pang’ono.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Njira 12 Zokongola Zonena Pepani Pambuyo Pankhondo

9. Iye sali wothandizana ndi gulu la LGBTQIA +

Ndipo ayi, osati momwe 'aliyense' amawonekera kukhala bwenzi la anthu ammudzi mukawafunsa. Koma momveka bwino - amatsatira anthu opusa kuti aphunzire zambiri za malingaliro athu, amadziphunzitsa okha (panjira yawo) pazinthu zomwe zimativutitsa nazo, amawonera ndikuwerenga zinthu zachilendo zomwe zimapangidwa ndi anthu amakhalidwe abwino, amayimira ufulu wa chikhalidwe ndi chikhalidwe ndi malamulo a gulu la LGBTQ ngati kuli kotheka, amalankhula ndi anzawo ndi abale awo kuti aziwadziwitsa za chilankhulo, amuna ndi akazi, komanso zikhulupiriro zaubwana wawo, komanso zikhulupiriro zachikhalidwe komanso zamalamulo a LGBTQ.

Queerphobia ndipo transphobia imakhudzanso akazi pafupifupi, ndipo ndi mbendera zofiira za amuna osatetezeka kuti azisamala. Izi ndizofunikira makamaka kwa iwo omwe ali otsika kapena opusa, ndipo akufuna kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu wacis. Muyenera kudziwa ngati ali bwenzi lamphamvu kudera lomwe muli, komanso kuti amalemekeza ndikuyimira mbiri yanu pazandale komanso pazachikhalidwe, apo ayi ndizosokoneza.

10. Amakuchitirani nyenyeswa (zakudya).

Breadcrumbing ndi mchitidwe wotumizirana mauthenga okopana, koma osadziletsa (ie "breadcrumbs") kuti akope wokondedwa wanu popanda kuyesetsa kwambiri. Mwa kuyankhula kwina, izo zikutsogolera wina. Kuphwanya mkate zikutanthauza kuti mnzanu amakuwonetsani kuti mumakukondani koma kenako amachoka mwadzidzidzi, ndikubwereza ndondomekoyi mpaka akuthamangitsani kukhoma.

“Ndinayamba kukayikira ngati chikondicho chinali chenicheni, ngati unansiwo unalipo, ndipo ngati linali vuto langa kuti anandithamangitsa,” akuuza motero Dan. Kusakhazikika kwawo kwamalingaliro, ndi kusowa kwa chidwi ndi kudzipereka kwa inu si kamvuluvulu wanu wothana nawo. Thamangani. Monga momwe mnzanga amanenera, "Simukuyenera nyenyeswa za mkate, mukuyenera kuphika buledi wonse."

11. Gaslighting khalidwe ndi wofiira mbendera mnyamata

Gaslighting mu maubwenzi ndi imodzi mwa mbendera zofiira zazikulu mwa mwamuna zomwe nthawi zambiri zimakambidwa. Ndi njira yopusitsira yomwe imagwiritsidwa ntchito kusuntha mphamvu muubwenzi kuti munthu m'modzi azitha kulamulira mnzake. Anthu ambiri amadutsa muzochitika zomvetsa chisonizi.

Malo amodzi omwe muyenera kudzimva kukhala otetezeka kwambiri, ubale wachikondi, umakhala wovuta. Mumapangidwa kukayikira mbali iliyonse ya moyo wanu - luso lanu, abwenzi anu, banja lanu, mantha anu, zosowa zanu, ngakhale zokambirana zanu ndi zikhulupiriro zanu. Palibe kuyankha mbali inayo ndipo chinthu chabwino kuchita ndikuchoka posachedwa momwe mungathere. Chifukwa mukadikirira nthawi yayitali, mphamvu zawo zimafa kwambiri. Ngati mwadutsa izi, muyenera kuchira ndipo ku Bonobology, timapereka chithandizo chaukadaulo kudzera mwa athu gulu la alangizi ovomerezeka amene angakuthandizeni kuti muyambe njira yakuchira.

12. Sakulowetsani m'dziko lake

Kodi nthawi zonse mumamva ngati ndinu mlendo, wotuluka kunja kwa nyumba yawo, ndikuwagwedeza, kuyembekezera kuti akulowetseni? Ngati ndi choncho, muyenera kuchita bwino. Mukuyenera mtima wawo wonse, ndi chidziwitso chokongola cha kutsimikizika kwa chikondi. Ngati iye sali wokonzeka tiyeni inu kukumana ndi anzake, sachita khama kukumana nanu, safuna kukuwonani pagulu kapena pakati pa anthu amene amadziwa, ndiye muyenera kuzindikira mbendera izi zazikulu zofiira mwa munthu, ndi kuthetsa ubale umenewu nthawi yomweyo.

Cora anati: “Nthawi zonse ndinali wosokonezeka maganizo, moti ankandisonyeza chikondi chake tikakumana kwatokha, koma kenako ankamanga mipanda.

13. Mbendera zofiira mwa mwamuna: Kukhala ndi katundu wambiri komanso wansanje

Iye ndi wolamulira mpaka kulamulira ndi nsanje yovulaza. Makanema akhale otembereredwa, kukhala ndi nsanje ndi nsanje SALI zokongola pambuyo pa mfundo. Liti amuna amachita nsanje, zingakupangitseni kudzimva kukhala wofunidwa kwakanthawi kochepa, koma ngati ndinu munthu amene mumayamikira ufulu wawo, kukhala nacho kumeneku posachedwapa kudzamva kugwedezeka. Nkhani ndi yakuti ife monga gulu timatsutsa nsanje.

Koma nsanje ndi malingaliro ena chabe, ndipo sayenera kuchita manyazi. Imatiuza zambiri za zosowa zathu ndi zomwe tikufuna pakali pano. Tikadaphunzira kuyankhulana bwino ndi zosowazo, osaphunzira kudzera m'mafilimu kuti nsanje zathu zipse ndi kukwiya - mpaka zitiwononge ife ndi anzathu!

Dr. Bhonsle akupereka lingaliro lakuti, “Ngati uli wansanje, choyamba, tenga thayo la kusapeza bwino kwako.Kenako, fotokozerani zakukhosi kwanu kwa wokondedwa wanu moona mtima, kosaopseza ndi mwaulemu.Pemphani malingaliro amomwe mungathetsere kapena kupewa nsanje imeneyi. Khalani omasuka ku malingaliro. Maubwenzi amafunikira kukambitsirana kwapang’onopang’ono ndipo muyenera kukhala ndi chisonkhezero chimene inu nonse mungakhoze kuchitira chifundo, ine ndingathe kuchitirana chifundo, ine ndingathe kukuthandizani. ndilonjeza kuti thandizo langa pankhaniyi lidzakhalapo kwa inunso mtsogolomu.”

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Makhalidwe 13 a Mnyamata Wapoizoni - Ndi Njira zitatu Zomwe Mungatenge

14. Akukufanizirani ndi adani ake akale

Uku ndiko kuzimitsa koteroko ndipo kungakupangitseni kumva kuti ndinu wokanidwa komanso wosweka mtima. Achinyamata ake atha kukhala banja lake losankhidwa, atha kukhala ofunikirabe kwa iye, ndipo zonse ndizabwino, kupatula ngati ali ndi chizolowezi chomubweretsa munthuyo nthawi zonse pamakambirano apamtima kapena ngati njira yakufananizirani nawo. Si chilungamo kwa inu, ndipo inu muyenera zabwinoko.

Ngati sakuwononga nthawi yabwino ndi inu, koma amatha kumasula nthawi zonse padziko lapansi kwa iwo, tulukani. Muyenera kulandiridwa muubwenzi osati kumenyera chidwi. Kukana kwake kosalekeza kukhalapo kwanu chifukwa cha kukhalapo kwa ex wake kumasonyeza kuti angakhale m'chikondi ndi ex wake nawonso. Simufunikanso mbendera zofiira mwa mwamuna kuti mudzuke ndikuchoka.

15. Sakupatsani malo

Iye akufuna kuti alembe nanu kulikonse. Amafuna kudziwa zomwe mukuchita nthawi zonse, ndi omwe mukukhala nawo. Amafuna kumalankhula nanu nthawi zonse ndipo samatengera mokoma mtima malingaliro oti mutenge nthawi. Zafika poti foni yanu ikaita kapena kulira, mumadziwa kuti ndi iyeyo ndipo mumayamba kuda nkhawa kapena kukhumudwa.

Aliyense amakhala ndi nthawi yomwe amakonda kuyankhula ndi mnzake. Muyenera kumuuza mokoma mtima komanso molimba mtima zomwe zingakupindulitseni, komanso zomwe sizingachitike. Ngati sakukulolani kukhala, chonde musayang'ane kuti musinthe. Uyu ndi yemwe ali mpaka ataganiza zochiza kusatetezeka kwake. Inu simukusowa kuchita nazo izo.

Dr. Aman Bhonsle akuchonderera amuna kuti asinthe malingaliro a chikhalidwe ndi maganizo a tanthauzo la kukhala mwamuna. Iye anati: “Anthu amauzidwa kuti azikhala ankhanza komanso achiwawa m’chikhalidwe chathu, ngakhale m’mafilimu athu amuna amavutika kufotokoza zakukhosi. Iwo kwathunthu normalized. Ndipo amuna samatsutsa izi chifukwa kwa iwo zinthu zimawoneka ngati zikuyenda bwino. Ndiye n’chifukwa chiyani angakayikire zachizoloŵezicho?

“Nthaŵi yokha imene amangoyamba kukayikira chilichonse ndi pamene chinachake choipa chenicheni chikachitika n’kuphulika pankhope pawo.” Kenako amakakamizika kudzifunsa kuti, “Kodi ndinalakwa pati?” Apa ndiye pomwe amayamba kuyang'ana, ndipo mwachiyembekezo atha kuyamba kuchira. ”

Tikukhulupirira kuti tsopano mutha kuwona mbendera zofiira izi mwa munthu bwino kwambiri, ndipo izi zitha kupititsa patsogolo chibwenzi chanu pang'ono. Pali mbali zambiri za umunthu wa munthu zomwe sitigwirizana nazo. Chinthu choyamba choyenera kuchita ndi mbendera zofiirazi ndikukambirana ndi munthuyo, ndiyeno pokhapo pangani chisankho chanu.

Chifukwa Chiyani Anyamata Amadzipatula Pambuyo pa Ubwenzi Wapamtima?

Ayi Zikutanthauza AYI! Chifukwa Chake Amuna Sangatenge 'AYI' Pakama

Njira Yabwino Yothetsera Kukanidwa Ndi Kukumana Ndizo

Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.