15 Ubale Red Mbendera Mwa Munthu Kukhala Maso

Anthu ambiri omwe ali ndi chidwi ndi amuna angagwirizane ndi izi - Kodi sizikuwoneka kuti tikhoza kusonkhana ndikuyankhula za mbendera zofiira mwa mwamuna kwa ola limodzi, ngakhale tonse titakhala osadziwika kwa wina ndi mzake? Izi sichifukwa choti mwachibadwa pali chinachake cholakwika mwa amuna. Iyi ndi nkhani yokulirapo. Ndipo m’maleredwe amenewa, ndikufuna kuti mabungwe athu a maphunziro, kusalolerana ndi miyambo yozika mizu m’zipembedzo, m’nyumba zathu zogonana ndi achibale athu (kuphatikizapo akazi amene modzikuza amalemekeza ulamuliro wa makolo), anzathu ndi anzathu, mafilimu athu ndi zoulutsira mawu, kuti achitepo kanthu poonetsetsa kuti palimodzi kuonetsetsa kuti amuna asathawe mamuna wapoizoni.

Iliyonse mwa mabungwewa yachita ntchito yayikulu pothandizira mbendera zofiira zazikulu kwambiri mwa munthu. Amuna amalimbikira kulamulira ndikukana chilichonse chomwe amachiwona ngati chocheperako kapena chosakhala chamwamuna, kaya ndi chizindikiritso cha jenda kapena mtundu. Amatsimikizira kufunika kwawo mwakukhala mokweza, bwino, zazikulu, zamphamvu, zaukali, ndi ndalama zambiri ndi mphamvu. Kapena m’njira yomvetsa chisoni, amatsimikizira kufunika kwawo mwa kupikisana kuti awone amene amagonana ndi akazi ambiri.

Tinalankhula ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Aman Bhonsle (PhD, PGDTA), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa ubale ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Iye akutiuza maganizo ake pa nkhaniyi, ndipo pamodzi, tinayesa kufufuza zizindikiro zowopsa mwa mwamuna.

15 Ubale Red Mbendera Mwa Munthu Kukhala Maso

Tikamalankhula za zizindikiro zofiira mwa mwamuna, tikulankhula za zizindikiro zofiira mu dongosolo lonse. Koma amuna nthawi zambiri amakhala ofala kwambiri komanso omveka bwino a ulamuliro wa amuna, ndipo amalandira mphotho zambiri posunga machitidwe a ulamuliro wa amuna. Dr. Bhonsle akuwonjezera kuti, "Njira yopikisana yalowetsedwa mwa amuna ndi ulamuliro wa amuna momwe nthawi zonse amayenera kuyeza ndikukula. Nthendayi yafalikira kuyambira nthawi yomwe amuna ankamenya nkhondo ndikuchita zinthu zovuta, ndipo akazi anali osamalira ndi kusamalira nyumba. Maudindo a amuna ndi akazi awa ndi akale ndipo sagwiranso ntchito yovomerezeka. Simungakhale omangidwa ndi mtundu winawake wa umunthu chifukwa choti mwabadwa ndi mtundu winawake."

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Ndiye tiyeni tiyesetse kutsegula ena mwa zokambiranazi m'nkhaniyi. Ngati mumakopeka ndi amuna ndipo mwakhala mukuganiza, "Chifukwa chiyani sindingathe kuwona mbendera zofiira mwa mwamuna?", Nkhaniyi ndi yanu. Tiyeni tikambirane 15 ubale wofiira mbendera munthu kukhala maso.

1. Pali kunyalanyaza malire anu

Amaonetsa kunyalanyaza malire anu ngakhale mutawatchula. Kodi ndingapeze nambala yanu? Adilesi yanu? Kodi ndingakuimbireni nthawi ino? Kodi ndingakugwireni dzanja? Kodi nditha kubwera nanu mukakumana ndi anzanu? Kodi nditha kukutumizirani maliseche anga, kapena munganditumizire anu? Ngati akupitiliza kukufunsani mafunso pamene mukumva kuti mukukankhidwira kukhoma ndipo mwakhala mukunena malire anu abwino mobwerezabwereza, ndi nthawi yoti muthamange. Izi ndi zina mwa zizindikiro zazikulu kwambiri mwa mwamuna. Mwamuna ngati uyu amaganiza kuti ali ndi ufulu wokhala ndi malo anu, nthawi yanu ndi thupi lanu. Zingoipiraipira.

“Taphunzitsidwa kusalingalira za kudziunjikira tokha, ndi kukondweretsa ndi kuchereza ena moyo wathu wonse.” Nkovuta kudziŵa mkhalidwe umenewu, koma ndakhala wosamala za icho m’zaka zingapo zapitazi.

2. Amatengeka ndi malingaliro achikale a umuna

Amachititsa kuti kunyansidwa kapena kusakonda kwawo aliyense amene samuona ngati mwamuna kuonekere, kaya ndi mawonekedwe a nkhope, kunyoza kapena chilankhulo chosankhana. Ngati amakonda kwambiri malingaliro a umuna omwe amagwirizana ndi mphamvu ndi ulamuliro, kapena kukhala chibwenzi cholamulira , zidzakukhudzani posachedwa kapena mtsogolo. Izi ndi zizindikiro zazikulu za mwamuna wosadzidalira.

Dr. Bhonsle akuti, "Kodi chimapanga mwamuna ndi chiyani? Ngati mutafunsa amuna mwachisawawa kuti ayankhe funsoli, adzakhala osowa. Sakudziwa momwe angatanthauzire umuna kupyola matanthauzo a makolo akale omwe adayikidwa pa iwo." Sanaphunzitsidwe kukayikira gwero la zowona zawo, chifukwa gwero limenelo linali gulu lawo lapafupi ndi mabwalo awo apamtima, mabwenzi apamtima ndi masukulu apamwamba. kuchokera ku magwero oterowo, motero timawopa kuwatsutsa.

Dr. Bhonsle amalankhulanso za momwe timaonera amuna , "Ngati mwamuna akufuna kukhala wopanga mafashoni, anthu amamuuza kuti avale sari kusonyeza kuti 'wataya' umuna wake. Ndinganene kuti mwamuna amene amasamalira mwana wake usiku wonse ndi mwamuna kuposa munthu amene amaganiza kuti kumenya munthu wina kudzathetsa vutoli."

3. Iye ali ndi machismo-centered world-view

Mmodzi mwa mbendera zofiira zoyambirira mwa mwamuna ndikuti mafilimu ambiri omwe amawakonda, mawonetsero ndi mabuku amapangidwa ndi amuna ndipo ali ndi amuna omwe ali otchulidwa pakati. Ngati dziko lanu la zoulutsira mawu lidadzazidwa ndi mtundu umodzi wokha wa nkhani zachimuna zomwe zimakonda amuna, ndikuwaphunzitsa amuna momwe angakhalire 'mwamuna', ndiye kuti pali cholakwika.

Komanso, chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu mwa mwamuna chingakhale chakuti amakonda kwambiri minofu yake ndipo nthawi zambiri amalankhula kapena kutanthauza kuti ndi wabwino kuposa amuna ena chifukwa cha thupi lake. "Sanalankhule za chilichonse chothandiza ndipo sanathe kusiya kuonera makanema olimbitsa thupi, kulankhula za zakudya zake, kapena momwe angamenyere mwamuna wina. Umuna woopsa komanso chiwerewere chosafunikira. Zinali zoopsa pang'ono komanso zosokoneza kwambiri," akutero Amelia.

Amuna ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha nawonso sakhudzidwa ndi tsankho la amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Bell Hooks m'buku lake lakuti The Will to Change anati, "Amuna ambiri ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amaganiza molakwika ngati amuna kapena akazi okhaokha. Maganizo awo okhudza amuna kapena akazi okhaokha amawatsogolera kupanga njira zabwino zogonana zomwe zimafanana ndi za amuna okonda amuna okhaokha."

4. Mbendera zofiira mwa mwamuna: Sachita chidwi ndi zachiwerewere

Sakufuna kulankhula za chitonthozo chanu chogonana, malire, zoopsa, zosowa, zosangalatsa zinazake, zomwe simukonda ndi zomwe mumakonda, njira zolerera, ndi zina zotero. Inde sakufuna. Amuna ena amaganiza kuti amakudziwani bwino kuposa momwe mumadzidziwira nokha. Aliyense amene ali ndi chidwi ndi amuna, makamaka ngati ndinu wamng'ono, mvetserani. Ngati sakulemekeza zomwe "simungathe" kuchita pankhani ya chibwenzi, ndipo ngati akunyalanyaza chitonthozo chanu chogonana ndi thanzi lanu logonana pa nthawi iliyonse panthawiyi, ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofunika kwambiri kwa mwamuna mukakhala pachibwenzi. Muloledwa kunena kuti ayi ndipo mukuyenera kuti "ayi" imeneyo imvekedwe ndikutsatiridwa nthawi iliyonse yogonana.

Sizongolowera kapena kukulitsa, ngakhale kukhudza kumatha kudutsa malire anu ogonana mukadapanda kuvomereza kale. "Ndinkaganiza kuti ngati ndavomereza kugonana, ndipo tili pakati, sindingathe kubwereranso pa mawu anga chifukwa izo zidzamukhumudwitsa. Ndine wokondwa kuti ndikudziwa bwino kwambiri tsopano. Ngati chitonthozo changa sichili chofunika kwa iye, amasiya kukhala wofunika kwa ine. "Zosavuta," akugawana nawo Chloe.

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5. Kusapezeka m'malingaliro ndiko kusakhazikika kwake

Chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zofiira mwa mwamuna akamacheza ndi munthu wina ndichakuti zimamveka ngati zikufunika nyundo ndi chitoliro kuti atsegule mtima wake. "Nthawi zambiri amuna achikulire omwe sangathe kupanga ubale wamaganizo ndi akazi omwe adasankha kukhala nawo pachibwenzi amakhala ouma pakapita nthawi, osalola kuti akondane poopa kuti wokondedwa wawo angawasiye." - Bell Hooks, Will to Change.

Pakhoza kukhala zifukwa zambiri za kusowa kwake kwamalingaliro, ndipo ngakhale mungamumvere chisoni, mukuyenera kukhala ndi mnzanu yemwe mtima wake uli wokonzeka kuti akulandireni. Kusapezeka kwamalingaliro kungadziwonetserenso m'makhalidwe amwano, mawu achipongwe, ndi mkwiyo.

Dr. Bhonsle akuti, "Amuna amaphunzitsidwa kubisa malingaliro, ngati kuti ndi zinsinsi zazing'ono zodetsedwa. Ngakhale m'mabanja, amauza mnyamata kuti asinthe malingaliro ake ngati akuwonetsa kufooka. Mavuto a mkwiyo mwa mwamuna ndi ovomerezeka, monga momwe timaganizira kuti chisoni chimavomerezeka mwa akazi. Ichi ndichifukwa chake anyamata ndi amuna safuna kapena kulandira chitonthozo pa ululu wawo monga momwe anthu ena amachitira. Izi sizolungama, ndipo kuvulala kwamaganizo pa iwo kumaonekera."

6. Amakuchitirani manyazi nthawi zonse

"Kaya ndi momwe ndimavalira, kapena zochitika zanga zam'mbuyomu zakugonana, munthuyu anali wosokoneza kwambiri moti ndimatha kukumana naye kwa mlungu umodzi. Ndinkangodzimva kuti ndilibe mphamvu. Ndikanakonda ndikanangowona mbendera zofiira mu mbiri ya chibwenzi cha munthu kotero kuti ndisapite naye konse," amagawana Amelia.

Mwatsoka, izi ndizofala kwambiri m'magulu onse. Amakuwonetsani nkhawa zawo ndipo amakupangitsani kukhala ndi chizolowezi chawo chomwe angathe kuchilamulira ndikusintha momwe akufunira. Muyenera kukhala ndi mnzanu amene amakulolani kuti musapepese, amalemekeza kudziwonetsera kwanu komanso zakale zanu, ndipo si m'modzi mwa okondedwa kapena amuna omwe amatsutsa maonekedwe anu , zakale zanu, kugonana kwanu ndi zomwe mumakonda.

7. Mbendera zofiira mwa mwamuna: Ndi wokonda kugonana

Nthawi zambiri amatcha akazi ofooka komanso odabwitsa. Amalankhula za iwo monyozeka koma amakuuzani kuti ndinu osiyana. Tonse takumana ndi mitundu yosiyanasiyana ya munthu uyu, sichoncho? Kugonana mwa mwamuna kungawonekere m'mene amaimba mlandu ozunzidwa kapena ozunzidwa chifukwa cha zomwe adadutsamo, amadzichepetsa poyera kwa akazi, ndipo amakonda kulamulira khalidwe lawo la kugonana. Iye samaganiza kuti akazi ndi ofanana mwanzeru ndi amuna, ndipo amanyoza kapena kutsutsa zomwe akwaniritsa.

Ngati muwona mbendera zofiira izi mu mbiri ya chibwenzi cha munthu, yesani kumanzere nthawi yomweyo. Pamene tikukula, timaphunzira kuti munthu aliyense wokonda kugonana yemwe amanyoza ukazi mwa wina aliyense kapena kunyoza jenda lanu lonse sangakhale munthu wokhwima maganizo.

8. Luso lake lolankhulana limafunikira ntchito yambiri

Kaya sangathe kukambirana nanu momasuka kapena ndi wamwano, kusowa luso lolankhulana ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu mwa mwamuna. Kukambirana ndi zomwe mumasiyidwa nazo masiku omwe kugonana kumakhala kovuta ndipo kutuluka kumamveka ngati ntchito. Ngati sangathe kulankhulana nanu bwino ndipo mukumva ngati muyenera kubwera ndi nkhani zoti mukambirane nthawi zonse, kapena mukumva kutopa mukamaliza kuyimba foni, ndiye nthawi yoti muwunikenso ubale wosaukawu.

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9. Iye sali wothandizana ndi gulu la LGBTQIA +

Ndipo ayi, osati momwe 'aliyense' amawonekera kukhala bwenzi la anthu ammudzi mukawafunsa. Koma momveka bwino - amatsatira anthu opusa kuti aphunzire zambiri za malingaliro athu, amadziphunzitsa okha (panjira yawo) pazinthu zomwe zimativutitsa nazo, amawonera ndikuwerenga zinthu zachilendo zomwe zimapangidwa ndi anthu amakhalidwe abwino, amayimira ufulu wa chikhalidwe ndi chikhalidwe ndi malamulo a gulu la LGBTQ ngati kuli kotheka, amalankhula ndi anzawo ndi abale awo kuti aziwadziwitsa za chilankhulo, amuna ndi akazi, komanso zikhulupiriro zaubwana wawo, komanso zikhulupiriro zachikhalidwe komanso zamalamulo a LGBTQ.

Kuopa anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha komanso anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha (transphobia) kumakhudzanso akazi a anthu ogonana amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, ndipo ndi zizindikiro zofunika kwambiri za mwamuna wosadzidalira. Izi ndizofunikira kwambiri kwa iwo omwe ali ndi vuto la kusintha kwa amuna kapena akazi okhaokha, ndipo akufuna kukhala pachibwenzi ndi mwamuna wa anthu okhaokha. Muyenera kudziwa ngati ali bwenzi lamphamvu la anthu ammudzi mwanu, komanso kuti amalemekeza ndikuteteza umunthu wanu wandale komanso wachikhalidwe, apo ayi zimakuwonongerani mtendere.

10. Amakuchitirani nyenyeswa (zakudya).

Kuphwanya mkate ndi njira yotumizirana mauthenga okopana, koma osachita zinthu zodzipatula (monga "zidutswa za mkate") kuti ukope mnzanu wachikondi popanda kugwiritsa ntchito mphamvu zambiri. Mwa kuyankhula kwina, ndikutsogolera wina patsogolo. Kuphwanya mkate kumatanthauza kuti mnzanuyo amakuwonetsani chikondi koma kenako mwadzidzidzi amachoka, ndikubwereza izi mpaka atakukakamizani kukhoma.

“Ndinayamba kukayikira ngati chikondicho chinali chenicheni, ngati unansiwo unalipo, ndipo ngati linali vuto langa kuti anandithamangitsa,” akuuza motero Dan. Kusakhazikika kwawo kwamalingaliro, ndi kusowa kwa chidwi ndi kudzipereka kwa inu si kamvuluvulu wanu wothana nawo. Thamangani. Monga momwe mnzanga amanenera, "Simukuyenera nyenyeswa za mkate, mukuyenera kuphika buledi wonse."

11. Gaslighting khalidwe ndi wofiira mbendera mnyamata

Kusaganizira bwino za mwamuna ndi chimodzi mwa zizindikiro zazikulu zomwe zimakambidwa nthawi zambiri. Ndi njira yonyenga yomwe imagwiritsidwa ntchito kusintha mphamvu muubwenzi kuti munthu m'modzi azitha kulamulira mnzake. Anthu ambiri amakumana ndi vuto lalikulu ili.

Malo amodzi omwe muyenera kumva kuti muli otetezeka kwambiri, ubale wachikondi, amakhala maloto oipa. Mumakayika chilichonse m'moyo wanu - luso lanu, anzanu, banja lanu, mantha anu, zosowa zanu, ngakhale zokambirana zanu ndi zikhulupiriro zanu. Palibe udindo kumbali ina ndipo chinthu chabwino choti muchite ndikuchoka mwachangu momwe mungathere. Chifukwa mukadikira nthawi yayitali, mphamvu zawo zimakhala zoopsa kwambiri. Ngati mwadutsa mu izi, muyenera kuchira ndipo ku Bonobology, timapereka thandizo la akatswiri kudzera mu gulu lathu la alangizi ovomerezeka omwe angakuthandizeni kuyamba njira yopita kuchireni.

12. Sakulowetsani m'dziko lake

Kodi nthawi zonse mumamva ngati ndinu mlendo, wotuluka kunja kwa nyumba yawo, ndikuwagwedeza, kuyembekezera kuti akulowetseni? Ngati ndi choncho, muyenera kuchita bwino. Mukuyenera mtima wawo wonse, ndi chidziwitso chokongola cha kutsimikizika kwa chikondi. Ngati iye sali wokonzeka tiyeni inu kukumana ndi anzake, sachita khama kukumana nanu, safuna kukuwonani pagulu kapena pakati pa anthu amene amadziwa, ndiye muyenera kuzindikira mbendera izi zazikulu zofiira mwa munthu, ndi kuthetsa ubale umenewu nthawi yomweyo.

Cora anati: “Nthawi zonse ndinali wosokonezeka maganizo, moti ankandisonyeza chikondi chake tikakumana kwatokha, koma kenako ankamanga mipanda.

13. Mbendera zofiira mwa mwamuna: Kukhala ndi katundu wambiri komanso wansanje

Iye ndi wolamulira mpaka kufika polamulira ndipo ndi wansanje woipa. Makanema akale, kulamulira ndi nsanje sizimakopa pambuyo pa mfundo inayake. Amuna akakhala ansanje , zingakupangitseni kumva kuti ndinu ofunika kwakanthawi kochepa, koma ngati ndinu munthu amene amasamala ufulu wawo, kulamulira kumeneku kudzakupangitsani kukhala wovuta. Nkhani ndi yakuti ife, monga anthu, timatsutsa nsanje.

Koma nsanje ndi malingaliro ena chabe, ndipo sayenera kuchita manyazi. Imatiuza zambiri za zosowa zathu ndi zomwe tikufuna pakali pano. Tikadaphunzira kuyankhulana bwino ndi zosowazo, osaphunzira kudzera m'mafilimu kuti nsanje zathu zipse ndi kukwiya - mpaka zitiwononge ife ndi anzathu!

Dr. Bhonsle akupereka lingaliro lakuti, “Ngati uli wansanje, choyamba, tenga thayo la kusapeza bwino kwako.Kenako, fotokozerani zakukhosi kwanu kwa wokondedwa wanu moona mtima, kosaopseza ndi mwaulemu.Pemphani malingaliro amomwe mungathetsere kapena kupewa nsanje imeneyi. Khalani omasuka ku malingaliro. Maubwenzi amafunikira kukambitsirana kwapang’onopang’ono ndipo muyenera kukhala ndi chisonkhezero chimene inu nonse mungakhoze kuchitira chifundo, ine ndingathe kuchitirana chifundo, ine ndingathe kukuthandizani. ndilonjeza kuti thandizo langa pankhaniyi lidzakhalapo kwa inunso mtsogolomu.”

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14. Akukufanizirani ndi adani ake akale

Uku ndiko kuzimitsa koteroko ndipo kungakupangitseni kumva kuti ndinu wokanidwa komanso wosweka mtima. Achinyamata ake atha kukhala banja lake losankhidwa, atha kukhala ofunikirabe kwa iye, ndipo zonse ndizabwino, kupatula ngati ali ndi chizolowezi chomubweretsa munthuyo nthawi zonse pamakambirano apamtima kapena ngati njira yakufananizirani nawo. Si chilungamo kwa inu, ndipo inu muyenera zabwinoko.

Ngati sakuthera nthawi yabwino ndi inu, koma akutha kumasuka nthawi zonse chifukwa cha iwo, chokani. Muyenera kulandiridwa muubwenzi ndipo musafune kuvutikira kuti akuoneni. Kukana kwake nthawi zonse kukhalapo kwanu chifukwa cha kukhalapo kwa wakale wake kumasonyeza kuti akhoza kukondanso wakale wake . Simukusowa zizindikiro zina zofiira mwa mwamuna kuti mudzuke ndikuchoka.

15. Sakupatsani malo

Iye akufuna kuti alembe nanu kulikonse. Amafuna kudziwa zomwe mukuchita nthawi zonse, ndi omwe mukukhala nawo. Amafuna kumalankhula nanu nthawi zonse ndipo samatengera mokoma mtima malingaliro oti mutenge nthawi. Zafika poti foni yanu ikaita kapena kulira, mumadziwa kuti ndi iyeyo ndipo mumayamba kuda nkhawa kapena kukhumudwa.

Aliyense amakhala ndi nthawi yomwe amakonda kuyankhula ndi mnzake. Muyenera kumuuza mokoma mtima komanso molimba mtima zomwe zingakupindulitseni, komanso zomwe sizingachitike. Ngati sakukulolani kukhala, chonde musayang'ane kuti musinthe. Uyu ndi yemwe ali mpaka ataganiza zochiza kusatetezeka kwake. Inu simukusowa kuchita nazo izo.

Dr. Aman Bhonsle akupempha amuna kuti asinthe malingaliro ndi malingaliro a chikhalidwe cha munthu amene amatanthauza kukhala mwamuna. Iye anati, “Amauzidwa kuti azikhala amuna komanso achiwawa m’chikhalidwe chathu, ngakhale kudzera m’mafilimu athu. N’zosadabwitsa kuti amuna amavutika kufotokoza zakukhosi kwawo . Ndi zachilendo. Ndipo amuna salankhula motsutsana ndi izi chifukwa kwa iwo, zinthu zikuyenda bwino. Ndiye n’chifukwa chiyani angakayikire zachizolowezi?

“Nthaŵi yokha imene amangoyamba kukayikira chilichonse ndi pamene chinachake choipa chenicheni chikachitika n’kuphulika pankhope pawo.” Kenako amakakamizika kudzifunsa kuti, “Kodi ndinalakwa pati?” Apa ndiye pomwe amayamba kuyang'ana, ndipo mwachiyembekezo atha kuyamba kuchira. ”

Tikukhulupirira kuti tsopano mutha kuwona mbendera zofiira izi mwa munthu bwino kwambiri, ndipo izi zitha kupititsa patsogolo chibwenzi chanu pang'ono. Pali mbali zambiri za umunthu wa munthu zomwe sitigwirizana nazo. Chinthu choyamba choyenera kuchita ndi mbendera zofiirazi ndikukambirana ndi munthuyo, ndiyeno pokhapo pangani chisankho chanu.

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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.