Chinachake chalakwika kwambiri muubwenzi wanu koma simungathe kuyikapo chala. Mumadziona kuti ndinu wosakwanira komanso wotopa, ndipo nthawi zonse mumauzidwa kuti zonsezi ndi zanu… Kodi pali mawu ofotokozera zomwe mukukumana nazo? Inde, zomwe mukukumana nazo zikuwoneka ngati zachikale za kuyatsa gasi muubwenzi.
Chochitika chapoizonichi ndi chovuta kuzindikira komanso chovuta kwambiri kuchithetsa. Wokondedwa yemwe amawotchera gasi ndizovuta kwambiri. Zowonongeka zomwe amabweretsa zimachedwa koma zokhazikika. Mukadzazindikira kuti chinachake sichili bwino, kudzidalira kwanu kwafika pansi ndipo ubale wanu wasanduka poizoni momwe ungathere.
Nkwachibadwa kudzimva kukhala wotayika komanso wopanda mphamvu mumkhalidwe woterowo. Koma ndizotheka kubwereranso kuchokera kuphompho ndikuchiritsa. Bwanji? Tiyeni tipeze yankho la mafunso awa ndi ena ambiri omwe mungakhale nawo m'maganizo mwanu mothandizidwa ndi upangiri wama psychologist ndi othandizira. Neha Anand (MA, Counseling Psychology), woyambitsa-wotsogolera wa Bodhitre India ndi mlangizi wamkulu wa Bhimrao Ambedkar University Health Center.
Iye ali pano kuti awunikire ntchito za gaslighting ndi maubwenzi ankhanza maganizo. N'chifukwa chiyani mawu a gaslight mu maubwenzi amawononga? Kodi mungazindikire zizindikiro zofiira za kusokoneza maganizo msanga? Kodi munthu angatani kuti athane ndi khalidwe lotayirira m’maubwenzi ndi m’mabanja? Kodi pali njira yoti muthetse vutoli? Ndipo chochita ndi narcissist gaslighting inu? Werengani kuti mudziwe…
Kodi Kuunika kwa Gasi Kumatanthauza Chiyani Mu Ubale?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Tanthauzo ndilo gawo loyamba lanzeru kwambiri panjira yodziwitsa. Neha akuti, “Anthu ambiri sadziwa tanthauzo la kuunika kwa gasi. Pali kusazindikira kwambiri zimene akukumana nazo nthaŵi zonse. Tifunika kukambirana zambiri zokhudza nkhaniyo.
Mwachidule, kuyatsa gasi ndi njira yopusitsira ndi nkhanza pomwe munthu amakupangitsani kukayikira zenizeni zanu. Amapereka nkhani zabodza zomwe zimasiyana kwambiri ndi kumvetsetsa kwanu zochitika. Zotsatira zake, mumayamba kuwunika momwe mumaganizira komanso momwe mumaganizira. Kuwonekera kwa nthawi yayitali khalidwe la gaslighting mu maubwenzi kungayambitse kupsinjika kwakukulu ndi kuwononga psyche ya munthu.
Neha akufotokoza kuti, "Anthu amapeputsa zotsatira za kusokoneza koteroko. Kuunikira gasi m'maubwenzi kumakhala ndi zotsatira zokhalitsa kwambiri. Ndipo palibe amene akudziwa momwe angathetsere nkhanizi - Kodi chingachitike ndi chiyani ndi katundu wamaganizo? Kodi mumachira bwanji kuchokera ku ubale wosayenera? Chifukwa sichinangosintha maganizo anu pa chibwenzi, mgwirizano, ndi zina zotero. Kudzipangira nokha kwakhala kovuta."
N'chifukwa chiyani amatchedwa gaslighting?
Chosangalatsa ndichakuti mawuwa amachokera ku mutu wa kanema. Mufilimuyi 1944 Gasi choyamba chinawunikira zachinyengo chomwe tikuchikambacho. Chiwembu cha filimuyi chikufotokoza mmene anthu amapotolera choonadi moopsa. Kuti tifotokoze tsatanetsatane wa njira yovutayi yosokoneza, tiyeni titenge chitsanzo.
Josh ndi Rochelle akhala pachibwenzi kwa miyezi ingapo. Tsiku lina, Rochelle akugwira Josh akutumizirana mameseji ndi mnzake. Nkhondo yaikulu ikuchitika pamene Josh akutembenuza magome nthawi yomweyo. Amadzudzula Rochelle chifukwa chobera pa intaneti - "Ndakhala ndi nkhawa kwambiri kuntchito ndipo simunandizindikire. kunyalanyazidwa mu chiyanjano ichi. Kodi ndi liti pamene tinagona limodzi eti? Ndili ndi zosowa ndipo sizikukwaniritsidwa. ” Patangopita nthawi pang'ono, Rochelle amadzifunsa kuti, "Kodi analidi ine? Ndiyenera kuti ndidachita cholakwika. ”…
Ndipo monga choncho, Josh sanangochita mantha kuti ayankhe pazomwe adachita koma adayika mlandu mnzake m'malo mwake. Nayenso wakayikiranso kuti akumvetsa komanso kuchitapo kanthu pa nkhaniyi. Izi gaslighting mu maubwenzi zitsanzo angapezeke pozungulira inu. Komabe, kukhala pafupi ndi vuto limeneli kungakhale kovulazadi. Tiyeni tiyambe njira zodzitetezera (kapena zowononga zowonongeka, kutengera momwe mulili) poyang'ana zizindikiro zomwe zili pansipa. Adzakuthandizani kuzindikira kawopsedwe koyamba.
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Ndikumva kuti mukugwirizana ndi zomwe zikubwera. Mwina simunaganize kuti izi zinali zolakwika kapena mwangozindikira posachedwapa kukula kwake. Mwina mumakana za komwe ubale ukuyimira kapena mukufuna kuyang'ana mbali yowala ya zinthu. Ziribe kanthu komwe mukuchokera, chidziwitsochi ndi chofunikira kwa inu. Khalani oona mtima ndi inu nokha pamene mukulowa mu zizindikiro izi za khalidwe gaslighting mu maubwenzi. Sizikhala zophweka, ndikudziwa.
Kuwunika koyenera ndikofunikira paumoyo wanu wamaganizidwe. Unikani khalidwe la mnzanuyo popanda kukondera. Njira yokhayo yothetsera vuto ndikuvomereza kuti lilipo. Apa ndikuwonetsa zopatsa zakufa za kuyatsa gasi mu ubale.
1. Tanthauzo la kuyatsa gasi muubwenzi - malingaliro anu ndi olakwika
Chifukwa nthawi iliyonse mukamalankhula zavuto, mnzanuyo amangoganiza kuti ndi zosafunikira. Wowunikirayo amakutsimikizirani kuti mwachita mopambanitsa. Kupweteka kwanu ndi zowawa zanu ndizochepa chifukwa vuto limachokera inu, osati iwo. Ngati munganene kuti, “Sindinasangalale m’chibwenzi,” angakufunseni kuti, “Kodi n’chiyani chimene sichingasangalatse? Ichinso ndi chizindikiro cha kusowa chifundo mu ubale.
Maganizo anu amachepetsedwa nthawi iliyonse mukamalankhula. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, mumayamba kudziona kuti ndinu munthu wofooka ndipo mumakokomeza chilichonse. Yankho ku mavuto anu ndi chiweruzo. Neha akuti, “Pali zolakwa zambiri m’chiganizo chilichonse.
2. N’chifukwa chiyani uku kumatchedwa kuyatsa gasi? Ndinu zinthu zongopeka
Aliyense angayambe kukayikira misala yawo pamapeto pake. Ngati ndikanauzidwa, tsiku lililonse, kuti momwe ndimawonera zinthu kapena kuzimvetsetsa ndi zolakwika, ndikadadziwonetsa ndekha. Mwina, ndingaganize, mtundu wawo wa zochitika ndi wolondola. Miyezi yobwerezabwereza mobwerezabwereza ikananditsogolera kufunafuna chitsimikiziro cha zikhulupiriro zanga. Inde, kuchita zinthu mwachinyengo kungawononge munthu kwambiri chonchi.
Ngati muli pachibwenzi ndi narcissist, mungathe kukumana ndi vutoli pamlingo waukulu kwambiri. Ndi narcissist gaslighting inu, sipadzakhala kukula kukhala mu a ubale wabwino. Neha akufotokoza kuti, "Narcissism imagwirizana kwambiri ndi kudziona kuti ndiwe wosafunika. Kudziona ngati wosafunika komanso kuzindikira za njira zawo zopulumukira kungachititse munthu kukhala ndi chikhulupiriro chabodza choti iwowo akunena zoona. Mudzakumana ndi zinthu zoipa m'mabwenzi chifukwa cha mavuto awo."
3. Pali kusowa koyankha
Wothandizana naye yemwe amawunikira gaslight sadzakhala paliponse pafupi ndi bwalo lamilandu. Mlandu udzakhala pafupifupi nthawi zonse pa inu ndipo iwo adzakhala opanda scot. Ndiponso, adzasonyeza kuipidwa ndi lingaliro chabe lakuti iwo achita chinachake cholakwika. Monga momwe Lou Holtz ananenera, "Munthu amene amadandaula za momwe mpira umadumphira ndiye kuti ndi amene wauponya."
Lamulo lalikulu la maubwenzi opambana ndikulankhulana momasuka (kubwera ku izo pambuyo pake) ndi kutenga udindo pazolakwa. Ngati mukukumana ndi gaslighting mu maubwenzi, ndi inu nokha amene muyenera kuyankha… ngakhale zolakwa zomwe simunachite. Onani mmene kusintha kowopsa ndi?
4. Mawu oyatsa gasi mu maubwenzi amabweretsa mikangano ya mbali imodzi
Kuwongolera ndi njira imodzi yokha. Kodi mkangano uliwonse kapena kukambirana kungakhale kothandiza bwanji pamene cholinga cha mnzanuyo chili pa 'kupambana' masewerawo? Pamene okwatirana omwe ali paubwenzi wabwino amakangana, amayesetsa kuthetsa vuto lomwe limayambitsa mikangano pakati pawo. Kukokerana sikuli pakati pa zibwenzi, koma pakati pawo ndi nkhani ya ubale.
Pankhani ya gaslighting mu maubwenzi, mungafune kuthetsa nkhani zanu koma mnzanuyo ndithu satero. Adzayenda pabwalo lankhondo (chifukwa kuyankhulana kulikonse ndi iwo kuli ngati nkhondo) ndikupondereza malingaliro anu. Zida zawo zidzakhala mawu ngati "Zonse zili m'mutu mwanu." Wokondedwa wanu amalamulira mkangano wonse ndipo kuthetsa mikangano waponyedwa kunja kwa zenera. Mwatsala ndikudabwa momwe mungasiye gaslighting mumkangano waubwenzi ngati uwu.
5. Pali zolakwa zambiri
Maulendo omwe mumayenda masiku ano ndi olakwa. Chifukwa chakuti nthawi zonse mumakhala wolakwa, nthawi zonse mumayamba kudziimba mlandu. “Taonani zimene munandipangitsa kuti ndichite,” kapena “Mwandisokoneza maganizo” ndizo zofala zopangitsa kudziimba mlandu. mawu a gaslight mu maubwenzi. Sikuti chochitika chomwe chikufunsidwa ndi cholakwa chanu komanso momwe mnzanuyo amachitira. Inu muli ndi udindo pa mkwiyo wawo ndipo ndi zimenezo.
Wowerenga wochokera ku Baltimore analemba kuti, "Kulakwa kumakhala kovuta kwambiri kukhala nako. Ndinali ndi nkhawa nthawi zonse, osakhazikika, komanso nkhawa. Ndinayenda pazipolopolo za mazira pafupi ndi wakale wanga chifukwa bwanji ngati ndimupweteka kachiwiri? Zanditengera nthawi yaitali kuti ndizindikire momwe zinthu zinalili zosayenera. (Simungaganize molunjika ndi narcissist gaslighting ikukuwunikirani izi.) Koma ndikuyamba kupindula nokha. Ili ndiye tanthawuzo loyatsa gasi muubwenzi womwe MUYENERA kudziwa.
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6. Kuyankhulana ndi koyipa
Kulankhulana momasuka kumakhala kochepa pamene mnzanuyo alibe chidwi ndi mtundu wanu wa zinthu. Popanda kuwonekera komanso kumvetsera bwino, ubale umatha msanga. Anthu okwatirana amayamba kuganiza zinthu, mkwiyo umakula, ndipo mkwiyo umakula. Kukambitsirana kwatanthauzo kumalimbitsa mgwirizano wa anthu awiri; Kodi mungathetse bwanji kusiyana kwanu popanda kulankhula ndi kumvetsera?
Monga mmene John Powell ananenera mwanzeru, “Kulankhulana kumagwira ntchito kwa amene amagwira ntchitoyo.” Zoyeserera zanu za mbali imodzi ndizoyamikirika, koma ngati mukufuna kusintha momwe ubale wanu uliri, mnzanuyo ayenera kukumana.
7. Kudzudzula kumakhala kopambana ngati pali kuyatsa mu ubale
Kodi mumadziona ngati ndinu wosakhoza pamaso pa munthu wina wofunika? Kodi mwatopa kuuzidwa kuti simuli bwino? Kodi amangokhalira kutsutsa chilichonse chimene mumachita? Ngati yankho la mafunso awa ndi inde, mnzanuyo ndi gaslighting inu. Ndipo kumbukirani, kutsutsa uku sikumangirira. Zimakuchepetsani ndikukugwetsani pansi.
Neha anati, “Zikayamba, munthu amene akuyatsidwa ndi gasi samazindikira kuti ili ndi vuto, amaganiza kuti mwina mnzawo ali ndi ufulu womudzudzula; malirewo akathyoledwa, woyatsira gasi amapeza windo lalikulu kuti alakwe. Nkhanza zamaganizo kaŵirikaŵiri zimasoŵa m’manja chifukwa chakuti munthu analephera kujambula mzere poyamba.”
Izi zikanayenera kuwongolera zinthu kwambiri. Koma ndikuganiza kuti zitsanzo ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yogwirira ntchito zamalingaliro. Yang'anani pa zitsanzo za tsiku ndi tsiku za mawu ounikira gaslight mu maubwenzi. Mudzawona momwe zinthu zikuyendera muzochitika zazing'ono.
Chalakwika ndi chiyani? Gaslighting mu maubwenzi zitsanzo
Pano pali zochitika zongopeka. Mwapanga makonzedwe a tsiku loti mukhale ndi chibwenzi ndi mnzanu pa foni. Chifukwa cha kusamvana kwina, anena kuti kusungitsa chakudya chamadzulo ndi 7:40 PM osati 7:30 PM. Iwo amafika mochedwa pang'ono pamene inu muli kale kumeneko. Mwachimvekere, mumawauza kuti achedwa. Kodi iwo amayankha bwanji?
Kodi amakuimbani mlandu chifukwa chosamveka bwino / mokweza pafoni? Kapena amayesa kukutsimikizirani kuti munati 7:40 inde? Kodi ali okonzeka kuvomereza zolakwa zawo? Ngati mnzanuyo ndi woyatsira gasi, amapita ndi Zosankha A kapena B. Chifukwa cholakwika sichingakhale chawo.
Ine kamodzi mwachidule pachibwenzi mnyamata amene anandipangitsa kumvetsa wofatsa gaslighting mu maubwenzi ntchito. Nthawi zonse akakumana ndi vuto laling'ono ali pachibwenzi, amandikhomera. Mwachitsanzo, ngati takisiyi inalibe pafupi ndi malo odyera, amandichitira mthunzi chifukwa chosankha malo omwe 'adali osowa'. Ndinatulukamo mwachangu kwambiri, koma izi zindikumbutsa momwe kuyatsa kwa gasi kumapangidwira.
Ndipo osandilakwitsa - pali chinthu ngati kuyatsa gasi mwangozi muubwenzi. Koma kaya zikuchokera kuti, inuyo ndi amene mukuvutika chifukwa cha zimenezi.
Neha akufotokoza momveka bwino kuti, "Zimayamba mochenjera kwambiri; palibe khalidwe lomwe limangochitika mwachisawawa. Zinthu zimamanga wina ndi mzake pamene zikukwera. Simukuzindikira tanthauzo lonse la mawu oterowo poyamba chifukwa mumawawona kuti alibe vuto. Koma kawirikawiri amakhala. Kuyatsa gasi muubwenzi ndi njira yayitali komanso yopitilira.
Njira Zotsekera Kuyatsa Gasi Mu Ubale
Tsopano popeza mwamvetsetsa za kuyatsa kwa gaslight mu zitsanzo zamaubwenzi, tiyeni tikonze zovuta. Pali njira ziwiri zothetsera vuto lomwe lilipo - mkati (ntchito yodzigwira) ndi kunja (kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri). Tifufuza njira zonse ziwirizi mugawo lathu lomwe likubwerali ndipo mupeza njira yomwe mungafune. Osataya mtima ngakhale pang'ono - kukonza ubale wapoizoni ndizotheka.
Muyeneranso kudziwa kuti machiritso amagwira ntchito pamagulu awiri - payekha komanso gulu. Zoyambazo zimayang'ana kwambiri kukula kwanu ndi moyo wanu, pomwe zomalizirazo zimagogomezera kuwongolera kwa ubale wanu. Popanda ado, tiyeni tifike ku funso la ola - momwe tingalekerere kuwotcha gaslight muubwenzi?
1. Dzipatulani nokha
Zomwe ndikutanthauza kunena ndikuti muyenera kusiya kukhala okangalika. Ngati mutayankha nthawi iliyonse yowunikira gasi mofanana, mudzatopa kwambiri pakapita masiku angapo. Osatengera ndemanga zawo payekha ndikunyalanyaza mawu onse owunikira paubwenzi.
Neha ananena momveka bwino kuti, “Ngati kuyatsa gasi kukusokoneza thanzi lanu, muyenera kusiya mtunda wautali pakati pa mnzanuyo ndi inuyo. Kupatula nthawi ndi bwino kupenda zinthu bwinobwino.
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2. Khalani otsimikiza ndi odekha pamene mukuchita ndi gaslighting mu maubwenzi
Malire mmwamba! Wothandizana naye yemwe ma gaslights akuyenera kuwononga malo anu enieni. Adzalankhula mawu osayenera, mawu achipongwe, ndi nthabwala 'zosalakwa' zomwe zimakuvutitsani. Onetsetsani kuti mujambule mzere ndikuwayimitsa m'mayendedwe awo. Kamvekedwe kodzitchinjiriza (OSATI mwaukali) nthawi zonse kamachita chinyengo. Osataya mtima ngakhalenso.
Neha anati, “Anthu amene amawotcha mpweya amakonda kuunikira zofooka za mnzawo wokha basi. kuika malire a maganizo. Musalole chipongwe ndi anzanu; aitanire popanda mantha kuti angawapweteke. Osayesa kuwateteza ndi zonena kuti 'mwadala' akuyatsa mpweya paubwenzi. " Umu ndi momwe mungaletsere kuyatsa gaslight muubwenzi.
Kuti mumve zambiri zamakanema akatswiri chonde lembani ku Youtube Channel yathu. Dinani apa.
3. Funsani katswiri wa zamaganizo
Mavuto monga kuyatsa gasi m'maubwenzi nthawi zambiri amawonedwa ngati 'zinthu zachinsinsi'. Anthu salankhula zambiri za iwo kapena kupempha thandizo. Khalani anzeru kuposa pamenepo. Mukakhala kumapeto kwa kugwiriridwa kosalekeza komanso kuzunzidwa m'malingaliro, kuthekera kwanu kuwona mbendera zofiira kumatha kuwonongeka.
Ngati simungathe kusiya kumverera kwa 'chinachake chalakwika', funsani katswiri wa zamaganizo kuti akuthandizeni. Zitha kukuthandizani kuti muwone zovuta zomwe mwina mwapanga malo osawona. Gwirani ntchito paubwenzi ndi mnzanuyo motsogozedwa ndi mlangizi waluso kapena yesetsani kukhala ndi thanzi labwino m'maganizo. Ntchito zina zamagulu zidzakutengerani patsogolo.
Anthu ambiri atuluka amphamvu kuchokera ku maubwenzi osayenera atapita kwa mlangizi kapena sing'anga. Ku Bonobology, tili ndi gulu la akatswiri omwe ali ndi zilolezo omwe atha kukuthandizani panthawi yovutayi muubwenzi wanu. Ife ndife here zanu.
4. Kudzisamalira ndikofunikira
Musalole kuyatsa gasi muubwenzi kusokoneza thanzi lanu. Khalani ndi chidwi pa inu nokha; idyani zakudya zopatsa thanzi, kugona mokwanira kwa maola 8, kuchita masewera olimbitsa thupi pang'ono, sungani malo anu (ndi nokha) kukhala aukhondo, chitani zonse zomwe mungathe kuntchito, ndikucheza kawiri pa sabata. Phunzirani momwe mungadzikonde nokha kwathunthu.
Onetsetsani kuti zomwe mumachita sizikukhudzana ndi bwenzi lanu komanso ubale wanu. Ndilo njira yobweretsera tsoka. Inu tsopano kumvetsa gaslighting tanthauzo mu ubwenzi nayenso, choncho chenjerani ndi kuika patsogolo nokha. The narcissist gaslighting inu akuda nkhawa okha basi.
5. Kodi kusiya gaslighting mu ubwenzi? Khalani ndi cholinga pakuwunika kwanu
Ngakhale munthu sayenera kuyimilira kuzunzidwa m'malingaliro / m'malingaliro, ndikofunikira kuti muwunikenso nokha. Monga Neha anafotokozera, onetsetsani kuti ndi chitsanzo chomwe mukuwona, osati chochitika chimodzi. Yang'anani mfundo zanu musanafikire chiganizo chokhudza mnzanuyo ndi ubale wanu. Chomaliza chomwe mukufuna ndikukhala osawona zolakwa zanu (ngati zilipo).
Apa tikufika kumapeto kwa ulendo wathu. Muli ndi chidziwitso chokwanira kuti mutenge gaslighting mu maubwenzi. Muzilankhula zoona nthawi zonse ndipo maubale anu akhale abwino.
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Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
