Chinachake chalakwika kwambiri muubwenzi wanu koma simungathe kuyikapo chala. Mumadziona kuti ndinu wosakwanira komanso wotopa, ndipo nthawi zonse mumauzidwa kuti zonsezi ndi zanu… Kodi pali mawu ofotokozera zomwe mukukumana nazo? Inde, zomwe mukukumana nazo zikuwoneka ngati zachikale za kuyatsa gasi muubwenzi.
Chochitika chapoizonichi ndi chovuta kuzindikira komanso chovuta kwambiri kuchithetsa. Wokondedwa yemwe amawotchera gasi ndizovuta kwambiri. Zowonongeka zomwe amabweretsa zimachedwa koma zokhazikika. Mukadzazindikira kuti chinachake sichili bwino, kudzidalira kwanu kwafika pansi ndipo ubale wanu wasanduka poizoni momwe ungathere.
Ndizachibadwa kumva ngati watayika komanso wopanda mphamvu mu mkhalidwe wotere. Koma n'zotheka kubwerera m'mbuyo kuchokera ku phompho ili ndikuchira. Kodi bwanji? Tiyeni tipeze yankho la mafunso awa ndi ena ambiri omwe mungakhale nawo m'maganizo mwanu mothandizidwa ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo komanso katswiri wa zamaganizo Neha Anand (MA, Counseling Psychology), woyambitsa-mtsogoleri wa Bodhitre India komanso mlangizi wamkulu wa Bhimrao Ambedkar University Health Centre.
Iye ali pano kuti awunikire ntchito za gaslighting ndi maubwenzi ankhanza maganizo. N'chifukwa chiyani mawu a gaslight mu maubwenzi amawononga? Kodi mungazindikire zizindikiro zofiira za kusokoneza maganizo msanga? Kodi munthu angatani kuti athane ndi khalidwe lotayirira m’maubwenzi ndi m’mabanja? Kodi pali njira yoti muthetse vutoli? Ndipo chochita ndi narcissist gaslighting inu? Werengani kuti mudziwe…
Kodi Kuunika kwa Gasi Kumatanthauza Chiyani Mu Ubale?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Tanthauzo ndi sitepe yoyamba yanzeru kwambiri panjira yodziwira. Neha akuti, "Anthu ambiri sadziwa tanthauzo la kuunikira kwa gasi. Pali kusowa kwakukulu kwa chidziwitso pa zomwe akukumana nazo nthawi zonse. Tikufunika kukambirana zambiri pankhaniyi. Payenera kukhala ndi mwayi wodziwa zambiri za nsanja zomwe zimakambirana za nkhanza zamaganizo. Njira yathu yabwino kwambiri yopitira patsogolo ndikudziphunzitsa tokha pamodzi."
Mwachidule, kuunikira mpweya ndi njira yolankhulirana ndi nkhanza komwe munthu amakupangitsani kukayikira zenizeni zanu. Amanena nkhani yabodza yomwe imasiyana kwambiri ndi momwe mumamvera zochitika. Zotsatira zake, mumayamba kuyang'anitsitsa momwe mumaganizira komanso momwe mumaonera zinthu. Kuwonetsa khalidwe lanu lounikira mpweya nthawi yayitali muubwenzi kungayambitse nkhawa zambiri komanso kuwononga maganizo a munthu.
Neha akufotokoza kuti, "Anthu amapeputsa zotsatira za kusokoneza koteroko. Kuunikira gasi m'maubwenzi kumakhala ndi zotsatira zokhalitsa kwambiri. Ndipo palibe amene akudziwa momwe angathetsere nkhanizi - Kodi chingachitike ndi chiyani ndi katundu wamaganizo? Kodi mumachira bwanji kuchokera ku ubale wosayenera? Chifukwa sichinangosintha maganizo anu pa chibwenzi, mgwirizano, ndi zina zotero. Kudzipangira nokha kwakhala kovuta."
N'chifukwa chiyani amatchedwa gaslighting?
Chochititsa chidwi n'chakuti, mawuwa amachokera ku mutu wa filimu. Filimu ya 1944 ya Gaslight inayamba kuwonetsa chinyengo chodziwika bwino chomwe tikukambachi. Nkhani ya filimuyi ikufotokoza momwe anthu amapotozera chowonadi mpaka kufika pamlingo woopsa. Kuti tifotokoze mwachidule kufotokozera kumeneku kwa njira yovutayi yosonkhanitsira, tiyeni titenge chitsanzo.
Josh ndi Rochelle akhala pachibwenzi kwa miyezi ingapo. Tsiku lina, Rochelle anamuona Josh akutumizirana mameseji ndi mnzake. Mkangano waukulu unayamba pomwe Josh anasintha zinthu nthawi yomweyo. Anamuimba mlandu Rochelle chifukwa cha kubera kwake pa intaneti - "Ndakhala ndikuvutika maganizo kuntchito ndipo simunazindikire. Ndikumva kuti ndanyalanyazidwa muubwenzi uwu . Kodi nthawi yomaliza yomwe tinagona limodzi ndi iti, eti? Ndili ndi zosowa ndipo sizikukwaniritsidwa." Patapita mphindi zochepa, Rochelle anadabwa, "Kodi ndinedi? Ndiyenera kuti ndinachita cholakwika..."
Ndipo monga choncho, Josh sanangochita mantha kuti ayankhe pazomwe adachita koma adayika mlandu mnzake m'malo mwake. Nayenso wakayikiranso kuti akumvetsa komanso kuchitapo kanthu pa nkhaniyi. Izi gaslighting mu maubwenzi zitsanzo angapezeke pozungulira inu. Komabe, kukhala pafupi ndi vuto limeneli kungakhale kovulazadi. Tiyeni tiyambe njira zodzitetezera (kapena zowononga zowonongeka, kutengera momwe mulili) poyang'ana zizindikiro zomwe zili pansipa. Adzakuthandizani kuzindikira kawopsedwe koyamba.
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Malangizo 7 Akatswiri Kuti Muzindikire Khalidwe Loyatsa Gasi
Ndikumva kuti mukugwirizana ndi zomwe zikubwera. Mwina simunaganize kuti izi zinali zolakwika kapena mwangozindikira posachedwapa kukula kwake. Mwina mumakana za komwe ubale ukuyimira kapena mukufuna kuyang'ana mbali yowala ya zinthu. Ziribe kanthu komwe mukuchokera, chidziwitsochi ndi chofunikira kwa inu. Khalani oona mtima ndi inu nokha pamene mukulowa mu zizindikiro izi za khalidwe gaslighting mu maubwenzi. Sizikhala zophweka, ndikudziwa.
Kuwunika koyenera ndikofunikira paumoyo wanu wamaganizidwe. Unikani khalidwe la mnzanuyo popanda kukondera. Njira yokhayo yothetsera vuto ndikuvomereza kuti lilipo. Apa ndikuwonetsa zopatsa zakufa za kuyatsa gasi mu ubale.
1. Tanthauzo la kuyatsa gasi muubwenzi - malingaliro anu ndi olakwika
Chifukwa nthawi iliyonse mukanena vuto, mnzanuyo amaliona ngati losafunika. Mnzanu amene akukuvutitsani amakutsimikizirani kuti mukuchita zinthu mopitirira muyeso. Kupweteka kwanu ndi ululu wanu n’zosafunika kwenikweni chifukwa vutolo limachokera kwa inu, osati kwa iwo. Ngati munganene kuti, “Sindinasangalale muubwenzi,” anganene kuti, “Kodi pali chifukwa chokhalira wosasangalala?” Ichi ndi chizindikironso cha kusowa chifundo muubwenzi.
Maganizo anu amachepetsedwa nthawi iliyonse mukamalankhula. M’kupita kwa nthaŵi, mumayamba kudziona kuti ndinu munthu wofooka ndipo mumakokomeza chilichonse. Yankho ku mavuto anu ndi chiweruzo. Neha akuti, “Pali zolakwa zambiri m’chiganizo chilichonse.
2. N’chifukwa chiyani uku kumatchedwa kuyatsa gasi? Ndinu zinthu zongopeka
Aliyense angayambe kukayikira misala yawo pamapeto pake. Ngati ndikanauzidwa, tsiku lililonse, kuti momwe ndimawonera zinthu kapena kuzimvetsetsa ndi zolakwika, ndikadadziwonetsa ndekha. Mwina, ndingaganize, mtundu wawo wa zochitika ndi wolondola. Miyezi yobwerezabwereza mobwerezabwereza ikananditsogolera kufunafuna chitsimikiziro cha zikhulupiriro zanga. Inde, kuchita zinthu mwachinyengo kungawononge munthu kwambiri chonchi.
Ngati mukuchita chibwenzi ndi munthu wodzikonda, mwina mungakumane ndi vutoli pamlingo waukulu kwambiri. Munthu wodzikonda akakunyozani, sipadzakhala mwayi wokhala paubwenzi wabwino . Neha akufotokoza kuti, "Kudzikonda kumagwirizana kwambiri ndi kudziona ngati wosafunika. Kudziona ngati wopanda pake pamodzi ndi kuzindikira njira zawo zopezera mipata kungapangitse munthu kuganiza kuti ndi wolondola. Mudzakumana ndi kunyozedwa muubwenzi chifukwa cha mavuto awo."
3. Pali kusowa koyankha
Wothandizana naye yemwe amawunikira gaslight sadzakhala paliponse pafupi ndi bwalo lamilandu. Mlandu udzakhala pafupifupi nthawi zonse pa inu ndipo iwo adzakhala opanda scot. Ndiponso, adzasonyeza kuipidwa ndi lingaliro chabe lakuti iwo achita chinachake cholakwika. Monga momwe Lou Holtz ananenera, "Munthu amene amadandaula za momwe mpira umadumphira ndiye kuti ndi amene wauponya."
Lamulo lalikulu la ubale wabwino ndikulankhulana momasuka (kufika pamenepo mtsogolo) ndi kutenga udindo pa zolakwa. Ngati mukukumana ndi mavuto muubwenzi, ndinu nokha amene mudzakhala ndi mlandu… ngakhale pa zolakwa zomwe simunachite. Mukuona momwe kudzudzulana ndi koopsa?
4. Mawu oyatsa gasi mu maubwenzi amabweretsa mikangano ya mbali imodzi
Kuwongolera ndi njira imodzi yokha. Kodi mkangano uliwonse kapena kukambirana kungakhale kothandiza bwanji pamene cholinga cha mnzanuyo chili pa 'kupambana' masewerawo? Pamene okwatirana omwe ali paubwenzi wabwino amakangana, amayesetsa kuthetsa vuto lomwe limayambitsa mikangano pakati pawo. Kukokerana sikuli pakati pa zibwenzi, koma pakati pawo ndi nkhani ya ubale.
Pankhani ya kunyalanyaza mpweya muubwenzi, mungafune kuthetsa mavuto anu koma mnzanu sangafune kuthetsa. Adzayenda pabwalo lankhondo (chifukwa kukambirana kulikonse ndi iwo kuli ngati nkhondo) ndipo adzaphwanya malingaliro anu. Zida zawo zidzakhala mawu monga "Zonse zili m'mutu mwanu." Mnzanuyo ndiye amene amalamulira mkangano wonse ndipo kuthetsa mkangano kumatayika. Mukutsala mukudabwa momwe mungasiyire kunyalanyaza mpweya mu mkangano waubwenzi ngati uwu.
5. Pali zolakwa zambiri
Maulendo okhawo omwe mumayenda masiku ano ndi maulendo odzimva kuti ndinu olakwa. Chifukwa nthawi zonse mumakhala olakwa, nthawi zonse mumachititsidwa kudzimva kuti ndinu olakwa. “Taonani zomwe mwandichititsa kuchita,” kapena “Mwandiwononga maganizo” ndi mawu omwe nthawi zambiri amadzutsa mkwiyo m'maubwenzi. Sikuti chochitikacho chimangotanthauza kuti ndinu olakwa komanso momwe mnzanuyo amachitira. Muli ndi udindo pa mkwiyo wawo ndipo ndizo zonse.
Wowerenga wochokera ku Baltimore analemba kuti, "Kulakwa kumakhala kovuta kwambiri kukhala nako. Ndinali ndi nkhawa nthawi zonse, osakhazikika, komanso nkhawa. Ndinayenda pazipolopolo za mazira pafupi ndi wakale wanga chifukwa bwanji ngati ndimupweteka kachiwiri? Zanditengera nthawi yaitali kuti ndizindikire momwe zinthu zinalili zosayenera. (Simungaganize molunjika ndi narcissist gaslighting ikukuwunikirani izi.) Koma ndikuyamba kupindula nokha. Ili ndiye tanthawuzo loyatsa gasi muubwenzi womwe MUYENERA kudziwa.
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6. Kuyankhulana ndi koyipa
Kulankhulana momasuka kumakhala kochepa pamene mnzanuyo alibe chidwi ndi mtundu wanu wa zinthu. Popanda kuwonekera komanso kumvetsera bwino, ubale umatha msanga. Anthu okwatirana amayamba kuganiza zinthu, mkwiyo umakula, ndipo mkwiyo umakula. Kukambitsirana kwatanthauzo kumalimbitsa mgwirizano wa anthu awiri; Kodi mungathetse bwanji kusiyana kwanu popanda kulankhula ndi kumvetsera?
Monga mmene John Powell ananenera mwanzeru, “Kulankhulana kumagwira ntchito kwa amene amagwira ntchitoyo.” Zoyeserera zanu za mbali imodzi ndizoyamikirika, koma ngati mukufuna kusintha momwe ubale wanu uliri, mnzanuyo ayenera kukumana.
7. Kudzudzula kumakhala kopambana ngati pali kuyatsa mu ubale
Kodi mumadziona ngati ndinu wosakhoza pamaso pa munthu wina wofunika? Kodi mwatopa kuuzidwa kuti simuli bwino? Kodi amangokhalira kutsutsa chilichonse chimene mumachita? Ngati yankho la mafunso awa ndi inde, mnzanuyo ndi gaslighting inu. Ndipo kumbukirani, kutsutsa uku sikumangirira. Zimakuchepetsani ndikukugwetsani pansi.
Neha anati, “Zonse zikayamba, munthu amene akukakamizidwa kupatsidwa magetsi sazindikira kuti vutoli ndi vuto. Amaganiza kuti mwina mnzawo ali ndi ufulu womudzudzula; akangophwanya malire amenewa, woyatsa magetsi amakhala ndi mwayi waukulu wolowa m’malo osaloledwa. Pomaliza pake, angachititse manyazi mnzawoyo pamaso pa anthu. Nkhanza zamaganizo nthawi zambiri zimakhala zovuta chifukwa munthu walephera kuletsa poyamba.”
Izi zikanayenera kuwongolera zinthu kwambiri. Koma ndikuganiza kuti zitsanzo ndi njira yabwino kwambiri yogwirira ntchito zamalingaliro. Yang'anani pa zitsanzo za tsiku ndi tsiku za mawu ounikira gaslight mu maubwenzi. Mudzawona momwe zinthu zikuyendera muzochitika zazing'ono.
Chalakwika ndi chiyani? Gaslighting mu maubwenzi zitsanzo
Pano pali zochitika zongopeka. Mwapanga makonzedwe a tsiku loti mukhale ndi chibwenzi ndi mnzanu pa foni. Chifukwa cha kusamvana kwina, anena kuti kusungitsa chakudya chamadzulo ndi 7:40 PM osati 7:30 PM. Iwo amafika mochedwa pang'ono pamene inu muli kale kumeneko. Mwachimvekere, mumawauza kuti achedwa. Kodi iwo amayankha bwanji?
Kodi amakuimbani mlandu chifukwa chosamveka bwino / mokweza pafoni? Kapena amayesa kukutsimikizirani kuti munati 7:40 inde? Kodi ali okonzeka kuvomereza zolakwa zawo? Ngati mnzanuyo ndi woyatsira gasi, amapita ndi Zosankha A kapena B. Chifukwa cholakwika sichingakhale chawo.
Ine kamodzi mwachidule pachibwenzi mnyamata amene anandipangitsa kumvetsa wofatsa gaslighting mu maubwenzi ntchito. Nthawi zonse akakumana ndi vuto laling'ono ali pachibwenzi, amandikhomera. Mwachitsanzo, ngati takisiyi inalibe pafupi ndi malo odyera, amandichitira mthunzi chifukwa chosankha malo omwe 'adali osowa'. Ndinatulukamo mwachangu kwambiri, koma izi zindikumbutsa momwe kuyatsa kwa gasi kumapangidwira.
Ndipo osandilakwitsa - pali chinthu ngati kuyatsa gasi mwangozi muubwenzi. Koma kaya zikuchokera kuti, inuyo ndi amene mukuvutika chifukwa cha zimenezi.
Neha akufotokoza momveka bwino kuti, "Zimayamba mochenjera kwambiri; palibe khalidwe lomwe limangochitika mwachisawawa. Zinthu zimamanga wina ndi mzake pamene zikukwera. Simukuzindikira tanthauzo lonse la mawu oterowo poyamba chifukwa mumawawona kuti alibe vuto. Koma kawirikawiri amakhala. Kuyatsa gasi muubwenzi ndi njira yayitali komanso yopitilira.
Njira Zotsekera Kuyatsa Gasi Mu Ubale
Tsopano popeza mwamvetsa za kufooka kwa mpweya m'zitsanzo za maubwenzi, tiyeni tichitepo kanthu pothetsa mavuto. Pali njira ziwiri zothetsera vutoli - mkati (kudzigwira ntchito nokha) ndi kunja (kufuna thandizo la akatswiri). Tidzafufuza njira zonsezi mu gawo lathu lotsatira ndipo mudzapeza njira yomwe mukufuna. Musataye mtima konse - kukonza ubale woopsa n'kotheka.
Muyeneranso kudziwa kuti machiritso amagwira ntchito pamagulu awiri - payekha komanso gulu. Zoyambazo zimayang'ana kwambiri kukula kwanu ndi moyo wanu, pomwe zomalizirazo zimagogomezera kuwongolera kwa ubale wanu. Popanda ado, tiyeni tifike ku funso la ola - momwe tingalekerere kuwotcha gaslight muubwenzi?
1. Dzipatulani nokha
Zomwe ndikutanthauza kunena ndikuti muyenera kusiya kukhala okangalika. Ngati mutayankha nthawi iliyonse yowunikira gasi mofanana, mudzatopa kwambiri pakapita masiku angapo. Osatengera ndemanga zawo payekha ndikunyalanyaza mawu onse owunikira paubwenzi.
Neha ananena momveka bwino kuti, “Ngati kuyatsa gasi kukusokoneza thanzi lanu, muyenera kusiya mtunda wautali pakati pa mnzanuyo ndi inuyo. Kupatula nthawi ndi bwino kupenda zinthu bwinobwino.
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2. Khalani otsimikiza ndi odekha pamene mukuchita ndi gaslighting mu maubwenzi
Malire mmwamba! Wothandizana naye yemwe ma gaslights akuyenera kuwononga malo anu enieni. Adzalankhula mawu osayenera, mawu achipongwe, ndi nthabwala 'zosalakwa' zomwe zimakuvutitsani. Onetsetsani kuti mujambule mzere ndikuwayimitsa m'mayendedwe awo. Kamvekedwe kodzitchinjiriza (OSATI mwaukali) nthawi zonse kamachita chinyengo. Osataya mtima ngakhalenso.
Neha akuti, “Anthu omwe amanyoza amakonda kunyoza zofooka za mnzawo basi. Izi zimakhala zopanda ulemu kwambiri kotero muyenera kukhala maso kwambiri poika malire a malingaliro . Musalole chipongwe kuchokera kwa anzanu; alangizeni popanda mantha kuti muwapweteke. Musayese kuwateteza ndi mawu akuti amanyoza ‘mwangozi’ m’maubwenzi.” Umu ndi momwe mungaletsere kunyoza m’maubwenzi.
Kuti mumve zambiri zamakanema akatswiri chonde lembani ku Youtube Channel yathu. Dinani apa.
3. Funsani katswiri wa zamaganizo
Mavuto monga kuyatsa gasi m'maubwenzi nthawi zambiri amawonedwa ngati 'zinthu zachinsinsi'. Anthu salankhula zambiri za iwo kapena kupempha thandizo. Khalani anzeru kuposa pamenepo. Mukakhala kumapeto kwa kugwiriridwa kosalekeza komanso kuzunzidwa m'malingaliro, kuthekera kwanu kuwona mbendera zofiira kumatha kuwonongeka.
Ngati simungathe kusiya kumverera kwa 'chinachake chalakwika', funsani katswiri wa zamaganizo kuti akuthandizeni. Zitha kukuthandizani kuti muwone zovuta zomwe mwina mwapanga malo osawona. Gwirani ntchito paubwenzi ndi mnzanuyo motsogozedwa ndi mlangizi waluso kapena yesetsani kukhala ndi thanzi labwino m'maganizo. Ntchito zina zamagulu zidzakutengerani patsogolo.
Anthu ambiri ayamba kulimba mtima chifukwa cha maubwenzi osalimba atapita kwa alangizi kapena akatswiri. Ku Bonobology, tili ndi gulu la akatswiri ovomerezeka omwe angakuthandizeni kudutsa mu gawo lovutali muubwenzi wanu. Ndife ake chifukwa cha inu.
4. Kudzisamalira ndikofunikira
Musalole kuti khalidwe loipa la kunyalanyaza mpweya m'maubwenzi likuwononge thanzi lanu. Khalani ndi chidwi ndi inu nokha; idyani chakudya chopatsa thanzi, gonani maola 8 okwanira, chita masewera olimbitsa thupi pang'ono, sungani malo omwe muli (ndi inu nokha) kukhala aukhondo, chitani zonse zomwe mungathe kuntchito, ndipo chezani ndi anthu kawiri pa sabata. Phunzirani momwe mungadzikondere nokha mokwanira.
Onetsetsani kuti zomwe mumachita sizikukhudzana ndi bwenzi lanu komanso ubale wanu. Ndilo njira yobweretsera tsoka. Inu tsopano kumvetsa gaslighting tanthauzo mu ubwenzi nayenso, choncho chenjerani ndi kuika patsogolo nokha. The narcissist gaslighting inu akuda nkhawa okha basi.
5. Kodi kusiya gaslighting mu ubwenzi? Khalani ndi cholinga pakuwunika kwanu
Ngakhale munthu sayenera kuyimilira kuzunzidwa m'malingaliro / m'malingaliro, ndikofunikira kuti muwunikenso nokha. Monga Neha anafotokozera, onetsetsani kuti ndi chitsanzo chomwe mukuwona, osati chochitika chimodzi. Yang'anani mfundo zanu musanafikire chiganizo chokhudza mnzanuyo ndi ubale wanu. Chomaliza chomwe mukufuna ndikukhala osawona zolakwa zanu (ngati zilipo).
Apa tikufika kumapeto kwa ulendo wathu. Muli ndi chidziwitso chokwanira kuti mutenge gaslighting mu maubwenzi. Muzilankhula zoona nthawi zonse ndipo maubale anu akhale abwino.
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Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
