Kusatetezeka Kumangirira M'maubwenzi: Zoyambitsa & Momwe Mungagonjetsere

Kufalitsa chikondi

Tsiku lina, wokondedwa wanu akhoza kukhala utawaleza ndi agulugufe, kukutsimikizirani za chikondi ndi chikhulupiriro chomwe mumagawana wina ndi mzake. Chotsatira, akungoyendayenda mchipinda chawo ndikukuyimbirani mphindi 4 zilizonse chifukwa mudatuluka ndi anzanu Loweruka usiku. Kodi mungakhale mu ubale wosatetezeka?

Zedi, kugwetsa wosatetezeka ubwenzi kalembedwe si mophweka monga kuyang'ana chiwerengero cha mafoni anaphonya mnzanuyo anakupatsani. Kukankhira kukafika pakukankhira, zizindikiro zimatha kukhala zovuta kwambiri chifukwa palibe amene amakonda kuvomereza kuti amakonda mwanjira yotereyi.

Kumvetsetsa chifukwa chomwe mumadzipezera kuti muli paubwenzi wosatetezeka komanso zoyenera kuchita nawo kumakhala kofunika kwambiri pamene mnzanuyo ayamba kukukayikirani chifukwa mudayankhapo pazithunzi zingapo za Instagram. Pano kuti athandize kuthetsa vutoli ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), yemwe amagwira ntchito pa upangiri wa ubale ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.

Kodi Kusagwirizana Kosatetezeka N'chiyani?

M'ndandanda wazopezekamo

“Aliyense amene ali ndi kachitidwe kodzidalira kotheratu kaŵirikaŵiri amalingalira kuti adzasoŵa maunansi onse amene amapanga ndi anthu.” Amaona ngati adzasiyidwa kudzisamalira okha. Dr. Bhonsle.

Ngakhale kugwirizana kwabwino kumapangitsa okondedwawo kukhala otetezeka, ubale wosatetezeka umakhala ndi mantha chifukwa cha mphamvu ya chiyanjano - nthawi zambiri popanda chifukwa china. Popeza munthuyo adakumana ndi chikondi chosagwirizana kapena alibe chikondi ndi chiyanjano kuchokera kwa omwe amamusamalira, kuda nkhawa nthawi zonse zokhudzana ndi zomwezo mu ubale wawo wotsatira.

Zotsatira zake, munthu yemwe ali ndi kalembedwe kokhazikika kokhazikika amakhala wosadziwikiratu. Akhoza kumamatira pachibwenzi, chifukwa amakhulupirira kuti mnzawoyo awasiya. Kumbali yakutsogolo, zitha kuwonetsa wina yemwe satha kutsegulira, chifukwa adalandira zokhumudwitsa kuchokera kwa omwe amawasamalira potero.

Kodi mnzanuyo sangathe kuvomera zabwino kuchokera kwa inu? Kodi amakakamira mukayesa kuwatcha dzina lodziwika bwino? Mwina amakhala ndi nkhawa mukapanda kuwalembera mameseji kwa theka la tsiku, ndipo atsimikiza kuti mwatha ndi chibwenzicho. Nthaŵi zina, sangadziŵe bwinobwino mmene ubwenzi wachikondi uyenera kukhalira. Makhalidwe onsewa amalozera ku ubale wosatetezeka.

“Tonsefe tili ndi mangawa oti tizisamaliridwa ndi osamalira athu oyambirira.” Atha kukhala makolo athu, achibale athu, aphunzitsi athu amene apatsidwa udindo wotilera bwino ndi kutifalitsa maphunziro.

Mumafunika kudya zakudya zinazake kuti mukule wathanzi labwino, si choncho?

“N’zosadabwitsa kuti anthu ambiri ali ndi vuto lopereŵera m’dipatimenti imeneyi. Ngati munachilandira kwa makolo anu, mwina simunachipeze kwa abale anu kapena mwina simunachipeze kwa agogo,” akutero Dr. Bhonsle.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Momwe Mungalimbanire Ndi Bwenzi Lanu Amene Amakupangitsani Kukhala Osatetezeka

Mitundu Yazophatikiza Zosatetezeka

Makhalidwe ophatikizana mu maubwenzi kubwera mu mitundu inayi, imodzi mwa izo kukhala otetezeka ubwenzi kalembedwe. Ndi pamene munthu walandira chisamaliro chokwanira ndi chithandizo kuchokera ku banja lake, kotero amatha kupanga ubale wabwino ndi anthu. Tiyeni tiwone ena atatu omwe amatanthauzira mitundu ya maubwenzi osatetezeka:

1. Nkhawa-Ambivalent kusatetezeka ubwenzi

Amatanthauzidwa kuti "kukakamizika" ndi "osowa", anthu omwe ali ndi chiyanjano chosadziwika bwino amakhala ndi mantha nthawi zonse kuti wokondedwa wawo adzawasiya posachedwapa, zomwe zimawapangitsa kuti azikhala ansanje kwambiri, osakhulupirirana, olamulira komanso ovuta kuthana nawo.

Ngati wosamalira wamkulu wa mwana sanapereke chithandizo ndi chisamaliro chofunikira, mwanayo akhoza kumamatira ndi kukwiya. M’kupita kwa nthawi, angakhale ndi makhalidwe amenewa m’maubwenzi amene amakumana nawo m’miyoyo yawo.

2. Pewani kulumikizidwa kosatetezeka

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Anthu akamapeŵa ubwenzi ndipo satha kumasuka n'kupempha thandizo, nthawi zambiri amasonyeza kuti achikulire amapewa kugwirizana. Makolowo angakhale ananyalanyaza malingaliro a anawo, osapereka chithandizo chirichonse pamene anafunikira kapena kuwanyoza chifukwa chosonyeza chikondi. Zotsatira zake, amaphunzira kukhala odzidalira komanso osamasuka.

3. Kulumikizana kosatetezeka

Anthu omwe ali ndi kalembedwe kameneka mu maubwenzi akumana ndi zoopsa kuchokera kwa omwe amawasamalira. Mwina anavulazidwa mwakuthupi kapena kuzunza zomwe zimawasiya ali ndi nkhawa komanso amantha akamayandikira makolo awo. Zotsatira zake, nthawi zambiri amakhala osalongosoka akamakumana ndi mavuto omwe angabwere mu ubale wamtsogolo.

Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza momwe munthu amene amapita ndi sitayilo yokondana ngati imeneyi safunikira kufufuza mozama pa zolembedwazo. “Maguluwa amapangidwa makamaka kwa munthu amene amawaphunzira monga phunziro, wofuna chithandizo sayenera kukhala pansi n’kusinkhasinkha malembawo.

"Malemba amakhala osokoneza bongo komanso otonthoza. Anthu amatha kubisala, "Ndili ndi chiyanjano chopanda chitetezo cha malire, ndichifukwa chake ndimachita motere." Kwenikweni, chimene chimachitika n’chakuti amafunafuna chitonthozo m’malembowa ndiyeno iwo sasintha kuti azindikire vutolo, samalongosola chibadwa chanu.

Njira yolumikizirana yosatetezeka imatha kuwononga ubale wanu

Zifukwa Zosatetezeka Kuphatikizidwa

Monga momwe mwadziwira pofika pano, zomwe zimayambitsa kusatetezeka kwa maubwenzi zimakhazikika chifukwa chosowa chisamaliro ndi chisamaliro cha omwe amamusamalira. Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza zimene zingachititse nkhani zoterozo. "Ziwopsezo zaubwana, kusagwirizana kwa chikondi ndi chisamaliro kuchokera kwa osamalira oyambira, mabanja osweka, nkhanza zapakhomo ndizo zomwe zimachititsa kuti anthu ayambe kukondana mosatetezeka.

“Nthawi zambiri, anthu sadziwa n’komwe zimene anakumana nazo paubwana wawo.” Kulephera kuzindikira zimene munakumana nazo monga zokhumudwitsa, zachipongwe, zochenjera kapena zopweteka kungayambitse maubwenzi osatetezedwa. Zikatero zimakhala zosonyeza kufooka kwa maubwenzi a munthu. Zitsanzozi zimathanso kukula muunyamata, koma nthawi zambiri, zimapangidwira paubwana.

“Nthawi zina zimaphunziridwanso ndi kutengera chitsanzo cha mayi kapena bambo, ngati muona mayi akukakamira kwambiri bambo ake, n’kunena zinthu monga, “N’chifukwa chiyani mumathera nthawi yambiri muofesi? "N'chifukwa chiyani uyenera kupita maulendo ambiri abizinesi?" “Bwanji osanditenga nane pamaulendo anu abizinesi?”, m’kupita kwanthaŵi mudzapitiriza.

Amangotengeka maganizo n'kuyamba kuchita zinthu motere ndi mnzawo amene amawasonyezadi chikondi chokwanira ndi chikondi.

“Mukawona mbiri ya anthu oterowo, nthaŵi zambiri amasiyidwa kuti adzisamalire akadali aang’ono kwambiri ndiponso osatetezeka, mwina amapezereredwa kapena amatenthedwa kwambiri kunyumba.

Makolo akamakangana kwambiri, sapeza nthawi yoti akhale makolo, mwanayo amangokhalira kuganiza motere: “Kodi ndani andithandize pa homuweki yanga? “Ndani andilipirira ulendo wanga wa kusukulu?” "Ndani ati asaine mapepala anga kuti ndiwabwezere m'kalasi?"

Studies nenani kuti mayendedwe apabanja zomwe mwana akukumana nazo zitha kukhudza mwachindunji maubwenzi awo ndi anthu komanso thanzi lawo lamalingaliro ndi thupi m'tsogolomu. Tiyeni tiwone momwe maubwenzi osatetezeka amasiyanirana ndi abwino.

Kodi Makhalidwe Osatetezeka Amakhudza Bwanji Maubwenzi?

Ngakhale kuti maubwenzi amayamba kuyenda bwino pa malo aumwini, mphamvu yomwe imaphatikizapo munthu yemwe ali ndi chiyanjano chosagwirizana sangakhale ndi zochuluka kwambiri zomwe angapereke. Momwemonso, munthu yemwe ali ndi kalembedwe kodziletsa, angafune malo ochulukirapo muubwenzi ndipo sangathe kupereka chithandizo chamalingaliro ndi chikondi kwa mnzake.

Kuwerenga Kofanana: Mwamuna Wosatetezeka - Njira 14 Zothana Naye Ndi Malangizo Atatu Omuthandiza

Tiyeni tiwone momwe machitidwewa amasiyanirana ndi otetezeka, kotero mukudziwa ngati kulephera kwa mnzanuyo kukutsegulirani kapena chizolowezi chomakufunsani mwamantha, "Mumandikonda, chabwino?" mphindi makumi awiri zilizonse zikuwonetsa vuto lalikulu:

1. Masitayelo olumikizidwa osatetezedwa amatsogolera ku ziyembekezo zopanda pake

Ngati wokondedwa wanu akuwonetsa zizindikiro za chiyanjano chosadziwika bwino, angayembekezere zizindikiro zazikulu zachikondi kuti athe kukhala otetezeka pang'ono. Mukalephera kuchita zomwe amayembekeza mopambanitsa, zidzatsogolera kukuimbani milandu yambiri, "Kodi mumasamala za ine?"

2. Nkhani zokhudzana ndi ubwenzi

Mchitidwe wodziletsa wa akuluakulu nthawi zambiri suwalola kuti azitha kumasuka kwa okondedwa awo, ndipo sangathe kukwaniritsa zosowa zamaganizo za winayo. Kuyambira ali ana, aphunzira kudzipatula ku kusonyeza chikondi kulikonse kapena kupempha thandizo, chifukwa mwina kale ankanyozedwa chifukwa cha zimenezi. Zitha kutenga khama lalikulu kuti anthu oterowo achite kumanga ubwenzi wapamtima.

3. Khulupirirani nkhani ndi nkhawa za ubale

"Padzakhala mikangano yambiri, kusowa tulo usiku. Othandizana nawo amangoyang'ana pa WhatsApp yawo mosachita kanthu kuti awone ngati munthuyo wayankha kapena ayi, kapena mtundu wa uthengawo ndi waufupi bwanji, kapena momwe ukufotokozera.

“Padzakhala nkhawa zambiri chifukwa cha zimene anthu amaganiza.” Nthawi zambiri amangoganiza kuti: “Patha mphindi 10 zokha asanandiyankhe, ndiye kuti sandikonda.

"Matsiku omalizirawa, okhala ndi zoyembekeza zachibwana mopusa, monga kukhazikitsa thanzi la ubale wanu pa liwiro la kuyankha pa WhatsApp, ndi maubwenzi osatetezeka odziwika bwino. Mudzawona anthu akupitirizabe ndi machitidwe awa ngakhale azaka zawo za 40 ndi 50, ziribe kanthu kochita ndi zaka," akutero Dr. Bhonsle.

Kusatetezeka kwaubwenzi kungayambitse nkhawa zambiri zaubwenzi, osasiya chilichonse koma nsanje ndi kukhulupirirana pambuyo pake. Nthawi zina, chikondi sizomwe zimafunika.

Momwe Mungagonjetsere Mtundu Womangirira Wosatetezeka

"Ngati muli ndi kusatetezeka uku ndipo mukusunga mkwiyo wambiri, chikhale chizindikiro cha zomwe muyenera kuchita. Muyenera kuyang'ana pakuyenda mbali zina. Ngati muli wokakamira, muyenera kuyesetsa kuti musamamatire momwe mungathere.

“Ngati muli osatetezeka kwambiri mu ubale wanu, muyenera kuyesetsa kuzimitsa zidziwitso pa foni yanu kuti kusatsimikizika kusadye pa inu. Ngati mukuda nkhawa kwambiri, mumayesetsa kupeza njira yoti mukhazikike mtima pansi pofufuza chinthu chimene chimakusangalatsani pochita masewera olimbitsa thupi kapena kusinkhasinkha,” akutero Dr. Bhonsle.

Ngakhale kuti zingamveke zosavuta papepala, zimatengera khama komanso nthawi. Kuti muwonetsetse kuti mukuchita bwino, yang'anani malangizo awa omwe Dr. Bhonsle adalemba:

1. Pochita ndi maubwenzi osatetezeka, chithandizo ndichofunika

Kukhala ndi njira yolumikizirana yosatetezeka kumatha kuwononga maubwenzi onse omwe muli nawo m'moyo wanu. Mwinamwake munakankhira wina kutali chifukwa chakuti munamenyera chidwi chawo mopitirira muyeso, kapena sanamve bwino ndi inu chifukwa simunatsegule. Njira yabwino yothetsera vutoli ndikusankha chithandizo.

Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza kufunikira ndi mphamvu ya chithandizo pamene akulimbana ndi maubwenzi osagwirizana. "Palibe m'banja mwanu kapena anzanu omwe angakuthandizeni pa izi. Monga momwe mulili ndi mwambo wochotsa poizoni m'thupi womwe umapangidwira anthu omwe ali ndi vuto lowonera, muyenera kupanga mwambo wochotsa poizoni kwa anthu omwe amawonetsa mawonekedwe osatetezeka.

“Mavuto amenewa amakulirakulira kwambiri ndipo sizili ngati kupita kwa dokotala wa mano kumene umamva bwino pambuyo pa phunziro limodzi.” Popeza kuti mizu yake ili paubwana wa munthu, ayenera kumasuka ndi kukambirana zinthu zimene mwina sanaziganizirepo kwa nthaŵi yaitali.

"Ayenera kusiya mkwiyo ndi chisoni ndi kukanidwa m'machitidwe awo. Ayenera kupanga mtendere ndi zakale, kuiwala omwe sanapulumutse ndi omwe adawapweteka." Nthawi zina, kukhululukidwa kumatenga nthawi yaitali. Kufunafuna thandizo la wothandizira kungakuuzeni zomwe muyenera kuchita kuti muthe kuthana ndi zomwe munachita kale. Muyenera kukumbukira kuti ubale wanu wofunika kwambiri ndi inu nokha.

“Anthu ena safuna n’komwe kukhululuka n’kusiya zinthu zimene zinkawadetsa nkhawa m’mbuyomo, tsoka limakhala ngati cocaine.

"Akasiyidwa, sangazindikire momwe angafunikire kuthana ndi zovuta zam'mbuyomu komanso momwe machitidwe opewera achikulire angakhudzire pafupifupi mbali zonse za moyo wawo."

Monga tanenera kale, ena sangazindikire n’komwe mavuto amene anakumana nawo ali ana. Chifukwa chake, mwina sadziwa n’komwe zoti achite. Mothandizidwa ndi Gulu la alangizi odziwa zambiri a Bonobology, kuphatikiza Dr. Aman Bhonsle, mudzakhala mukuyandikira pafupi ndi kalembedwe kotetezedwa kotetezedwa.

2. Siyani zakale

Tikudziwa, tikudziwa, nzosavuta kunena kuposa kuchita. Kukumana ndi chochitika chomvetsa chisoni m’zaka zachiyambi cha moyo wanu kumakhudza nthaŵi zonse. Chifukwa chake, kuyesa kudzisiya nokha sikutheka nthawi zonse.

Dr. Bhonsle akukamba za kufunika kwa chithandizo poyesa kuthana ndi zakale. “Ngati wina waferedwa ndi makolo awo kapena waona kuti m’banja mwawo muli chisudzulo chachikulu, amagwiritsa ntchito chifukwa chimenecho pochitira nkhanza anzawo.” Iwo anganene mawu onga akuti, “Uyenera kundimvetsa pambuyo pa zonse zimene ndakumana nazo.” “Ndikakukalipira pamaso pa anzathu onse, usandikanize. Ukudziwa zimene ndakumana nazo kunyumba.”

“Anthu ena amagwiritsa ntchito zida zowawidwa ndi chisoni m'mbuyomo kuti agwirizane ndi ulesi.” Akhoza kubisala ku mawu akuti, “Bambo anga ananyenga amayi, nchifukwa chake sindikhulupirira amuna onse. Uyenera kulolera kachitidwe kanga kopanda chitetezo chifukwa ndakhala ndikukumana ndi vuto ndi amuna. "

"Chifukwa cha zakale, maubwenzi awo amakono tsopano akuvutika chifukwa cha izi. Ndipo kusiya izo sikophweka kwambiri, chifukwa munthu aliyense wakale ndi wapadera komanso wamitundu yambiri. Sizinangokhala "izi zinachitika, ndiye kuti zinachitika." Pali mazana a zinthu ndi machitidwe kumbuyo kwake. Zili ngati mpira waukulu wa cobweb umene uyenera kusokonezedwa chifukwa cha psychotherapy.

3. Chidaliro ndi mankhwala omwe mukufunikira

Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Kuchita zinthu ndi anthu akunja kumayenderana ndi mmene amachitira zinthu ndi anthu akunja.” Ngati amadzida ndipo sadzidalira kwambiri, zotsatirapo zake zimakhala zosadalirana komanso nkhawa.

"Zidzathandizadi, koma ayenera kuphunzitsidwa momwe angakhalire olimba mtima. Masukulu athu ndi mabanja ndi malo ochezera a pa Intaneti akhala akumenyedwa nthawi zonse chifukwa chosakwaniritsa zoyembekeza zina. Mukapeza chithandizo choyenera, kulimbikitsa chidaliro kudzabwera mwachibadwa," akumaliza.

Pamene inu mukuganiza za izo, zonse nkhawa za ubale kumabwera chifukwa cha kusatetezeka. Ngati munthu sakonda momwe alili, amangoganiza kuti dziko lonse lapansi silitero. Pothana ndi zovuta izi mkati mwanu, mudzatha kuwongolera mphamvu zamaubwenzi anu onse.

Tsopano popeza mukudziwa zonse zomwe muyenera kudziwa za kalembedwe kotetezedwa komanso momwe mungawathetsere, mwachiyembekezo, simudzakakamira pamiyezi itatu yolephereka ndi okonda omwe angakhale nawo. Chifukwa chake m'malo moyika thanzi la maubwenzi anu pa liwiro la mayankho a WhatsApp, yendani pang'onopang'ono kuti mukhale ogwirizana mothandizidwa ndi mfundo zomwe talemberani lero.

Ibibazo

1. Kodi mumamukonda bwanji munthu amene ali ndi chibwenzi chosatetezeka?

Kukonda munthu yemwe ali ndi kalembedwe kosagwirizana kumafuna chilimbikitso - zambiri. Wokondedwa wanu nthawi zonse amakhala akuganiza za vuto lalikulu, ndipo nthawi zonse amaona kuti ubale wanu uli pachiwopsezo.

Chifukwa chake, muyenera kuwatsimikizira za momwe mukumvera, kulimba kwa ubale wanu komanso kuti muli momwemo kwa nthawi yayitali. Komabe, m'kupita kwa nthawi, chofunika kwambiri ndi kuyesa kusunthira kumayendedwe otetezeka.

2. Kodi kulumikizidwa kosatetezeka kumakhala kofala bwanji?

Ngakhale ziwerengero ndi zowona za chinthu chaumwini komanso chapadera kwa munthu aliyense ndizovuta kupeza, masitaelo ophatikizika otere ndi ofala kwambiri kuposa momwe mungaganizire. Popeza amachokera ku kusasamalidwa muubwana wanu, n'zosadabwitsa kuti anthu ambiri ali ndi vuto la ubale.

3. Kodi n'chiyani chimayambitsa nkhawa?

Choyambitsa chodziwika bwino cha kuda nkhawa ndicho ubale wolakwika pakati pa mwana ndi womusamalira. N’kutheka kuti sanagwirizane ndi chikondi ndi chikondi chawo, kapenanso ankachitira nkhanza m’maganizo kapena m’thupi.

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"Kodi Ndine Wokondwa M'mafunso Anga Pa Ubwenzi" - Dziwani

Zopereka zanu sizikupanga zachifundo Mphatso. Zilola kuti Bonobology ipitilize kukubweretserani zidziwitso zatsopano komanso zaposachedwa pakufuna kwathu kuthandiza aliyense padziko lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.