Ambivalent Attachment Style - Zimawononga Bwanji Ubale Wanu?

"Ndimadana nanu monga ndimakukondani" zingamveke ngati mgwirizano wovuta, koma ndi zenizeni za kalembedwe kosagwirizana. Ambivalent, ndiko kuti, kuphatikizika kwa chikondi kumabweretsa malingaliro opereka kwathunthu ku ubalewo mphindi imodzi ndiyeno kusadziwa kwathunthu za izi mphindi ina. Mukhozanso kutchula kalembedwe kameneka kameneka kamene kanali kodziletsa.

Izi zikutanthauza kuti mnzawo akachoka, anthu osagwirizana amakhala ndi nkhawa komanso kukhumudwa; Ndipo mnzawoyo akakhala nawo, amakwiya ndi kunjenjemera. Chifukwa cha kusamvana kwawo m’maganizo, iwo sali odzipereka kotheratu kwa mnzawo, kapenanso kukulitsa unansi wamuyaya ndi iwo.

Chifukwa chazifukwa izi, samatha kukhala nthawi ndi mnzake mwamtendere. Kwa zibwenzi 'zabwinobwino', anthu oterowo atha kubweretsa chikoka chapoizoni, kusokoneza tsogolo la chibwenzi. Iwo amakhala kosatha kugwirizana kukankha-koka.

Koma ndichifukwa chiyani zimakhudza maanja ena ndikusokoneza moyo wawo ndi kutopa kwaubwenzi? Kodi achikulire angadziwe bwanji chiyambi cha kalembedwe kosagwirizana ndi kuwononga ubale wawo? Kuti tiyankhe mafunso onsewa, choyamba tiyenera kumvetsetsa chiyambi cha chiphunzitso cha attachment.

Kodi Ambivalent Attachment Style ndi chiyani?

Ngakhale zingamveke zodabwitsa, mawonekedwe osagwirizana ndi akuluakulu amayamba kuwonetsa zizindikiro zake kuyambira ali wakhanda.

Ngati khanda likumva kukhumudwa kwambiri ndi kusokonezeka pamene mayi akumusiya ndipo satonthozedwa mosavuta ndi kubwerera kwake, ndiye kuti ichi ndi chomwe chimayambitsa umunthu wosagwirizana.

Mwa kuyankhula kwina, kugwirizana kwa mwana ndi womusamalira wamkulu kumatsimikizira momwe amachitira ndi maubwenzi akuluakulu. Apa ndipamene ambivalent attachment psychology imayambira.

Lingalirolo linaperekedwa ndi katswiri wa zamaganizo wa ku Britain, John Bowlby, amene ankakhulupirira kuti unansi wachikondi, wapafupi ndi mayi umapangitsa mwana kukhala wosungika. Anayerekezera ubale wa amayi umenewu ndi zofunikira za mwana monga kudyetsa nthawi zonse ndi mpweya. Malinga ndi iye, chitetezo chamalingaliro ichi ndicho chinsinsi cha momwe mwana angayankhire pocheza.

Chotero, makanda otetezedwa amakhala osangalala ndi okhutira, ngakhale pamene wosamalira wamkulu wawasiya kuti agwire ntchito zapakhomo kapena ntchito. Koma makanda omwe amangokhalira kusamvana, amamva ngati anyalanyazidwa pamene kholo/mawo palibe ndipo zotsatira zake zimakhala zaukali komanso zaukali ndi malingaliro osagwirizana.

Makanda otere amakula kukhala achinyamata osatetezeka omwe sangakhulupirire makolo / osamalira awo pazochitika za mantha ndi zoopsa. Amalephera kumasuka kwa makolo awo ndikulimbana ndi zovuta zawo zaunyamata, monga kupezerera anzawo, okha.

Mchitidwewu umapitirira pamene wachichepere wodzimva amakonda kuwongolera mkwiyo wotsekekawu kudzera mkupsa mtima kosafunikira ndi kupsya mtima kosasinthasintha. Amasowa malire mu maubwenzi apamtima ndipo amakula kukhala akuluakulu omwe amatetezedwa kwambiri mu ubale wachikondi.

Akuluakulu osagwirizana ndi 24 × 7 akuda nkhawa ndi ubale wawo ndipo amakhala ndi zovuta zokhudzana ndi kuyandikana komanso ubwenzi. Amakhala ndi vuto la kukhulupirirana ndipo angasonyeze khalidwe lonyanyira la kudzikuza m’banja. Mwina amakhala otalikirana ndi okondedwa kapena kukhala odalira kwambiri pa iwo.

Mukamvetsetsa mfundoyi, mukuyenera kuvomereza kuti kukhala muubwenzi wosagwirizana ndi ntchito yokwera yomwe imatenga mphamvu zambiri ndipo imafuna khama. Zitha kutenga miyezi kapena zaka kuti muzindikire ngati mnzanuyo amatsatira chiyanjano chosagwirizana kapena ayi. Koma ngati muwona, pali zizindikiro zina zomwe zikuwonetsa, monga pansipa.

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Zizindikiro Wokondedwa Wanu Walumikizidwa Mosagwirizana

Zodabwitsa, zosamveka, zokongola, zosasinthika kapena zosayanjanitsika - zibwenzi zomwe zimagwirizana mosagwirizana zimawonetsa kukhudzika kwa anthu pazochitika zawo zatsiku ndi tsiku. Kusiyanasiyana kotereku kumapangitsa kuti zikhale zovuta kwa okondedwawo kuzindikira 'weniweni'.

Komabe, pali zizindikiro zina za umunthu wosagwirizana womwe umatha kuwonedwa ndikumvetsetsa bwino.

1. Onetsani maganizo awo oti “sindisamala”

Munthu amene ali ndi kalembedwe kosagwirizana amatengera mawu ofunikawa kuchokera kwa makolo ake. Malinga ndi iwo, popeza s/iye sanalandire chisamaliro choyenera mu ubwana wake; Amakonda kudzisungira okha kuti asakanidwe. Iwo akhoza kukhala kwambiri zibwenzi zodzikonda kapena atsikana omwe ali pachibwenzi.

Komanso, amapewa kuwononga ndalama zambiri muubwenzi uliwonse, kaya ndi ubwenzi kapena chibwenzi. Zonse zomwe amasamala za dziko lino ndi 'Ine, Ine, ndi Inemwini.' Amanyamula chinsinsi powazungulira pokhala 'okha' ndipo ndizomwe zimawapangitsa kukhala okongola komanso okongola kwa amuna kapena akazi anzawo.

2. Amakonda gulu lawo

Amakonda kukhala 'okha' kusiyana ndi kukhala pagulu. Anzawo atha kuwasokoneza ngati 'olowa m'malo', koma Hei! Sizili choncho. Othandizana nawo a introvert amatsegula ndikulumikizana ndi masiku awo kwambiri.

Munthu yemwe ali ndi kalembedwe kosagwirizana, mosiyana, amapewa kuwononga nthawi ngakhale ndi tsiku lawo ndikusunga 'nthawi yawo' yotetezedwa.

Mwa kuyankhula kwina, ndi osungulumwa omwe alibe chilakolako choyankhulana kapena kugawana zomwe akumana nazo, ndi abwenzi kapena okondedwa.

3. Yesetsani bwenzi lanu ndi zoyankhula zazing'ono, koma zopanda kuya

Anthu omwe ali ndi mawonekedwe ambivalent attachment ndi okonda kukambirana. Iwo ndi akatswiri a zokambirana zazifupi ndipo amadziwa kuthyola madzi oundana mosavuta.

Koma pakapita nthawi, zikhoza kumveka ngati zachiphamaso. Koma iyi ndi njira yawo yotetezera umunthu wawo wamkati ndikupewa kukambirana mozama.

Ndipotu ngati muwafunsa mafunso ozama a ubale iwo angakane kuyankha ndi kusinthira makambitsiranowo mbali ina.

4. Omamatira komanso osatetezeka ngati mabwenzi

Maubwenzi awo achikondi amakumana ndi kusalinganika, chisokonezo ndi kusatetezeka. Ngakhale iwowo sali 100% muubwenzi, amayembekeza kutsimikiziridwa nthawi zonse kudzipereka kwanu kwa 100%.

Akhoza kukuyang’anitsitsani kudzera pa foni kapena mameseji nthawi yomweyo. Akhozanso kuchita mantha ngati simuwayankha nthawi yomweyo. Chifukwa chake, kukhala ndi bwenzi ndi chizindikiro chotsimikizika cha munthu yemwe ali ndi nkhawa.

Iwo ali chomwecho kumamatira mu chiyanjano kuti zitha kukhala zosokoneza kwambiri kuti anzawo azichita mwanjira iyi yosagwirizana.

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5. Kukana kupereka ndi kulandira thandizo

Kuthana ndi zovuta za ubwana kwawakonzekeretsa kulimbana ndi zovuta zadziko 'payekha'. Choncho, sayembekezera chithandizo kwa Anzawo, kapena kudzipereka Kwawo. Ngati abwenzi awo akuyembekeza kuthandizidwa, ndiye kuti izi zimasemphana ndi zomwe amakhulupirira ndipo zitha kuwakwiyitsa.

Muzotheka zonse anali nazo makolo poizoni amene sanawathandize pamene ankafunikira thandizo kapena kubwera ndi chithandizo chamtundu uliwonse.

Amapitiriza ndi chitsanzo ichi mu maubwenzi awo.

6. Kufunika kwanu kukhala pafupi nawo kumakwiyitsa

Maubwenzi 'opanda zingwe' amamveka bwino kwa munthu yemwe ali ndi kalembedwe kosagwirizana. Amayamikira zosowa zawo ndipo sasamala zofuna za wokondedwa wawo kapena zomwe akufuna muubwenzi.

M’malo mwake, amaona kuti n’zosautsa komanso zosafunika ngati mnzawoyo amangofuna kucheza nawo pafupipafupi. Ngati achitapo kanthu mokhudzidwa, amakhalabe osalabadira.

Choncho maganizo, ambivalently Ufumuyo zibwenzi osati sizikupezeka, komanso kutsekereza chifundo mu ubale wawo wapamtima.

7. Nthawi zonse ndikumangeni ngati mzimu wokhudzidwa

Ngati mumanyozedwa nthawi zonse chifukwa cha malingaliro anu ndi mnzanu, ndiye kuti ndizotheka kuti ndi umunthu wosagwirizana.

Iye wakhoza kulamulira maganizo ndipo amakhulupirira kuti palibe chifukwa chokhalira otengeka maganizo m'moyo. Akhozanso kutchula 'kukhala okhudzidwa' ngati njira yopezera chidwi.

Akhoza kunena kuti alibe kutengeka kulikonse koma amakhala ndi nsanje, olamulira ndipo mukanena kuti amakana.

8. Khalani ndi ubale wachilendo wa makolo

Anthu okondana mosagwirizana amagawana ubale wovuta ndi makolo awo, chifukwa cha nkhawa kwambiri paubwana wawo.

Akakula, amangokhalira kucheza ndi makolo awo. Ndi mphamvu ziwiri zotsutsana zomwe zimatsutsana wina ndi mzake, kuyanjana kwawo kumakhala kovutirapo komanso kovutirapo.

Koma ubale wovutawu ukhoza kukhala chizindikiro chofunikira kudziwa ngati muli pachibwenzi ndi munthu wosagwirizana.

9. Gawani maubwenzi osagwirizana

Pamene amayamikira zosowa zawo poyamba, nthawi zambiri amawonekera ngati osowa ndi okakamira mu ubale wapamtima.

Kumbali ina, iwo samaona zosoŵa zanu zamaganizo. Chifukwa chake, kusinthasintha kwaubwenzi uku ndikofunikira kuti mukhale ndi ubale wosagwirizana.

The mphamvu yamagetsi mu ambivalent ubwenzi kalembedwe ubale si mu malo oyenera. Wokondedwa wanu nthawi zonse amakhala ndi mphamvu zambiri pa inu.

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Kodi Ambivalent Style Attachment Imawononga Bwanji Ubale?

Wodziwika ndi zosayenera komanso nkhawa, kukondana kosagwirizana ndi njira yothanirana ndi tsoka. M’malo mwa chikondi chenicheni, njala ya m’maganizo ndi kusimidwa ndizo mphamvu zosonkhezera ubale wosalingana wotero. Popeza kuti anazikika mu ubwana n'zovuta kukonza ambivalent ubwenzi kalembedwe ubale.

Angaganize kuti chikondi ndi njira yokhayo yomwe angapulumutsire nayo ku zisonkhezero zoipa za moyo. Amawona anzawo ngati apulumutsi omwe amamaliza kukhalapo kwawo m'moyo ndikubweretsa chitetezo, chitetezo ndi kukhazikika kwa moyo wawo.

Koma pochita izi amaiwala kuti maubwenzi achikondi amachokera pakukhulupirirana, koma kwa iwo ndi narcissism. Kunyalanyaza zosowa za mnzanu kungayambitse kusagwirizana kwakukulu mwa iye ndipo kungayambitse kusweka kowawa.

Malangizo Othana Ndi Atakhala Muubwenzi Wosagwirizana

Maubwenzi osagwirizana ndi ambivalent ndi ovuta komanso oopsa m'njira iliyonse. Ngati mumadzizindikira kuti muli paubwenzi ndi munthu yemwe ali pachibwenzi, ndiye kuti malangizo otsatirawa angakuthandizeni kuthana ndi zokhumudwitsazo ndikuteteza zomwe mumakonda.

Sizingatheke kukonza kalembedwe kosagwirizana koma mutha kupanga njira yothanirana ndi zomwe sizingakubweretsereni nkhawa.

1. Osayesa kusintha

Ambivalent wophatikizidwa umunthu mosalekeza akulimbana ndi nkhawa zawo ndi zosatetezeka zomwe zimabwerera ku ubwana wake. Kuyambira nthawi imeneyo, akuthawa zochitika ndikupeza njira yopulumukira ku mavuto awo.

Kusakhazikika kwawo m'maganizo ndi zovuta zawo zimapangitsa kuti chibwenzi chikhale chovuta. Ngati muwakakamiza kuti asinthe machitidwe awo amalingaliro, ndiye kuti izi zitha kusokoneza magwiridwe antchito awo ndikupangitsa kuti azidziimba mlandu komanso manyazi.

Chifukwa chake, ngati mumawakondadi, apatseni nthawi kuti agwirizane ndi nkhawa zawo zaubwenzi ndikuwathandizira paulendo wochiritsa ndi kuchira.

2. Lumikizanani momwe ubale wa 'mbali imodzi' ukukhudzirani

Anthu omwe ali ndi moyo wosagwirizana amabweretsa katundu wambiri waubwenzi kwa omwe ali pachibwenzi. Chifukwa chake, ngati munthu ali pachibwenzi ndi wodwala matendawo, muyenera kumudziwitsa momwe machitidwe ake ndi zosowa zawo zakukhudzirani zikukukhudzani.

Momwe zakuchotserani mkati ndikukupangitsani kumva kuti simukukondedwa komanso kunyalanyazidwa. Yesani izi kuti muwone ngati izi zitha kuthetsa mavuto anu pachibwenzi. Ndi kuyitana kovutirapo, koma ngati nkotheka, yesani a kukambilana akatswiri ndi kuwathandizira pakuchiritsa kwawo kwamalingaliro.

Musanayambe, apa pali uphungu - iyi ndi gawo lovuta kuti mukhalemo. Ngati mukumva kuti mulibe mphamvu kuchokera mkati chifukwa cha zikoka zapoizoni zodetsa nkhawa ndipo sali wokonzeka kusintha kapena kukumana ndi malingaliro aliwonse amaganizo, ndiye musalowe muzovuta zilizonse zosafunikira.

Kupatula apo, mulinso ndi ufulu wokhala muubwenzi wofanana komanso wathanzi.

3. Kumbukirani njira zawo zodzitetezera

Ambivalent attached umunthu wakula ndi zomwe zimatchedwa 'comfort zone'. Choncho, kuwapangitsa kuti avomereze kufooka kwawo ndi vuto lalikulu. Angatenge ngati chowiringula chanu chofotokozera zolakwika zawo ndikuwasiya 'okha'.

Kuti mupewe kusamvana koteroko, yesani ndikukambirana ndi mutuwo mwachisomo komanso mwanzeru. Yambitsani kucheza naye mosabisa kanthu, adziwitseni za zomwe mukuwona ndi nkhawa zanu mwanzeru.

Osatengeka maganizo ndi kuyambitsa zosayenera kuchokera kwa iye. Yesetsani kusalowerera ndale komanso mokhazikika m'malingaliro mukamalankhula 'poyera' za zanu vuto la ubale ndipo ganizirani masitepe otsatirawa onse awiri.

4. Ngati mukumva kuti mwatsekeredwa, musazengereze kuthetsa chibwenzi

Mwavutikira kwambiri kuti muzindikire mtundu wapoizoni womwe umayendetsedwa ndi nkhawa. Tsopano, ndi nthawi yoti muyimbe kuyimbira.

M'malo mokhala ogwidwa ndikuzunzika m'maganizo ndi m'maganizo tsiku ndi tsiku, nayi kuyitanidwa kwanu kuti muthetse mavuto ndi zovuta za ubale.

Ngati mukumva kuvulazidwa kuchokera mkati, lankhulani ndi anzanu ndi makina othandizira. Pitani ku detox ya tchuthi, tengani nthawi yanu kuti muchiritse.

5. Landirani chowonadi - palibe 'chopulumutsa' mu chiyanjano chanu chosagwirizana

Ngati mudali m'banja ndi bwenzi lokondana kwambiri ndikuyesa njira zonse zothanirana ndi vuto lanu, vomerezani kuti maubwenzi ena akuyenera kutha. Kupanda kutero, zitha kukhala zapoizoni kwambiri komanso zakupha m'kupita kwanthawi. kusagwirizana kwapang'onopang'ono

Tonsefe tili ndi ufulu wokhala mwamtendere ndi mwaulemu m’maubwenzi athu, zomwe zingatheke pokhapokha ngati tili ndi moyo wokhutitsidwa.

Kumvetsetsa, kuzindikira ndi kuthana nazo machitidwe oopsa a ubale monga ambivalent attachment style mwina sangabweretsenso zaka zotayika, koma zingakupulumutseni ku mazunzo m'tsogolomu. Malingana ndi athu Bonobology Alangizi a ubale, kukhutitsidwa ndi chinsinsi cha chisangalalo cha maanja.

Ndipo ngati simukhala ndi moyo wabwino, ndiye kuti mutha kufikira gulu lathu la akatswiri ndi vuto lanu latsatanetsatane ndikupeza chigamulo kuchokera kumalingaliro osalowerera ndale.

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