Kwezani dzanja lanu ngati mudawonerapo pulogalamu ya Netflix ya You. Kwezani dzanja lanu ngati mudachitapo chilichonse chofanana ndi zomwe Joe Goldberg adachita poyamba. Maganizo okhutiritsa, maloto achilendo, ziyembekezo zodzaza, ndi kutsatana. Kodi mudachita zonsezi ndi chidaliro cholimba chakuti muli m'chikondi? Simungandione, koma ndikupumira modandaula. Tili ndi zokambirana zovuta zomwe zili patsogolo pathu.
Ngakhale mukukhulupirira zabwino kwambiri, zomwe mukukumana nazo si chikondi. Ndi mawu okongola otchedwa 'limerence.' Kodi ali ndi tanthauzo labwino, sichoncho? Musanyengedwe ndi momwe ndakatulo imamvekera; limerence ikuwononga moyo wanu m'njira zambiri kuposa momwe mungaganizire. Ichi ndichifukwa chake tikuiyika pansi pa maikulosikopu lero. Kuti tiwunikire mbali zambiri za limerence, ndapempha katswiri wa zamaganizo Dr. Aman Bhonsle (Ph.D., PGDTA), yemwe ndi katswiri pa uphungu wa ubale ndi Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.
Dr. Bhonsle ndi ine tiri pano kuti tiyankhe mafunso anu onse - Kodi mumatanthauzira bwanji limerence? N’chifukwa chiyani zili zosiyana ndi chikondi? Ndipo ndi zizindikiro ziti za limerence zomwe muyenera kuzisamala? Tiyeni titenge mpira.
Kodi Limerence Amatanthauza Chiyani?
M'ndandanda wazopezekamo
Mayi wina wodziwika bwino wotchedwa Dorothy Tennov akutchulidwa kuti adayambitsa mawu akuti limerence mu 1979 (inde, amapita waaaaayyyy mmbuyo), kufotokoza ngati mawonekedwe a kutengeka mtima kwambiri. Limerence ndi mkhalidwe wamalingaliro omwe munthu amakhala ndi malingaliro amphamvu okhudza munthu wina, yemwe amamukonda. Kutengekako kumasokoneza kwambiri komanso kumawononga.
Nthawi zina, zingaphatikizepo chiyembekezo chosatheka cha tsogolo ndi munthu ameneyo. Ndikofunikira kudziwa kuti kukhala ndi chidwi nthawi zambiri kumakhala mbali imodzi ndipo sikumalumikizidwa ndi zenizeni. Ndi chikondi, osati chikondi . Onani mawu awa ochokera ku sonnet ya Shakespeare omwe amafotokoza bwino momwe munthuyo alili.
"Sindingathe, kudzaza ndi inu,
Malingaliro anga enieni amandipangitsa kukhala zabodza. ”
Tiyeni timvetsetse limerence bwino ndi chitsanzo. Mwachitsanzo, mkazi - tidzamutcha Julia - amakopeka ndi mnzake watsopano. Zilibe vuto poyambirira ndipo Julia amayenda mochita manyazi, akumwetulira, amanjenje, ndi zina zotero.
Koma kutengeka mtimako kukuwoneka kuti kukukulirakulira. Julia samangoganizira za ntchito, mabwenzi, kapena achibale; kuyankha kouma kwa iye kumawononga tsiku lake m'kanthawi kochepa. Ngati akumwetulira, ali pa cloud nine. Moyo wake uli m'manja mwa kukonzanso kopanda thanzi kumeneku komwe kumabweretsa zoyipitsitsa mwa iye. N’zoonekeratu kwa anzake kuti wantchitoyo alibe naye chidwi. Kodi angaphulitse bwanji kuwira kwake ndikumubweretsanso kudziko lenileni?
Tsopano, mutha kukhala Julia amene akufunika kudzifufuza kwambiri kapena mutha kukhala bwenzi lofunafuna Julia. Ngati mukufuna yankho la funso la madola mamiliyoni ambiri la tanthauzo la moyo, pitirizani kusuntha pansi. Simungakonde zomwe mwawerenga m'malo angapo, koma kumbukirani zomwe Dr. Bhonsle akunena, "Gawo loyamba la kuchira ndikudziwa kuti muli ndi vuto. Kudziwa izi sikungakupangitseni kumva bwino kwambiri, koma muyenera kuyamba."
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Njira 9 Zothetsera Chisoni ndi Kuthana ndi Chikondi Chosabwezera
Magawo 3 a Limerence
Mwinamwake mukuganiza kuti limerence imamveka ngati kusweka kwalakwika, ndiye vuto lalikulu ndi chiyani? Mwinamwake kuyang'ana pa magawo a limerence kudzakuthandizani kuziwona bwino. Pali magawo atatu omwe munthu amakumana ndi chizolowezi - chiyambi cha kutengeka mtima, nsonga ya crystallization, ndi mapeto ndi kuwonongeka. Zofanana ndi graph yooneka ngati belu.
1. Zoyambira zabwino ndi zazing'ono - Kutengeka
Kuseweredwa kwa gawoli ndi 'Chimene chimakupangitsani kukhala wokongola' ndi One Direction. Apa ndi pomwe moto umayamba ndi kuwala mumtima mwanu. Mumawona chinthu choyamikiridwa koyamba ndipo chimakukopani. Makhalidwe awo abwino amakulitsidwa mumtima mwanu nthawi zana pamene mukupitiriza kuwaganizira. Zizindikiro zofiira zimazimiririka mukamavala magalasi okhala ndi utoto wa duwa.
Tonse tikudziwa kuti kusweka ndi kumverera kwabwino kwambiri. Dopamine ndi serotonin amagwira ntchito zamatsenga muubongo wanu; dziko lapansi limawoneka ngati nyimbo yokhala ndi dzuwa ndi utawaleza. M'magawo oyamba a limerence, inunso mudzamva ngati muli kumwamba kwachisanu ndi chiwiri.
2. Kutulutsa - Crystallization
Ndi mawu ati omwe ndikuyang'ana? Mania. Zizindikiro zoipitsitsa za limerence zikuwonetsedwa panthawiyi. Kukhazikika pa munthu wina kumatsogolera ku machitidwe odziwononga; kuwatsata pa intaneti, zizindikiro za nsanje yosayenera pakuyanjana kwawo ndi ena, tsogolo lodziwika bwino, komanso zosokoneza kwambiri.
Cholinga cha kupembedzedwa chimayikidwa pa maziko opembedzera; iwo ndi osalakwa ndipo sangachite cholakwa chilichonse. Aliyense wowanenera zoipa Akuyesedwa kuti ndi mdani. Cholinga chake ndi kufunafuna chivomerezo ndi kutsimikizika kwa chidwi chachikondi panjira iliyonse. Munthuyo amawopa kukanidwa kwambiri ndipo amafuna kupeŵa kukhala wolandira. Crystallization imatenga nthawi yambiri komanso imasokoneza malingaliro - mungangoganizirapo chifukwa chiyani limerence ndi chisoni zimayendera limodzi?
3. Zizindikiro za kutha - Kuwonongeka
Chinyengocho chimatha ndipo chikumbumtima chimatha. Pa gawo ili, chikondi chimataya mphamvu pa malingaliro ndipo chimakhalanso munthu wamba. Pamene kusakhazikika mtima kukutha, munthuyo amakumana ndi kukhumudwa kwakukulu, chisoni, ndi kusakhutira. Atakhala ndi maganizo a munthu kwa nthawi yayitali, kubwerera mwadzidzidzi ku zenizeni kumamupangitsa kukhala wopanda njira. Ayenera kuiwala munthu amene sanachite naye chibwenzi.
Kumva buluu kumayembekezeredwa pakawonongeka. Koma gawo ili likuyembekezeredwa kwambiri komanso lopindulitsa pakuwona kwakukulu kwa zinthu. Mukangodutsa, machiritso amatha kuyamba pomwe mukuyambiranso kuyang'ana nokha.
Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza za chiyambukiro chowononga cha magawo ameneŵa a kungokhala chete, “Chilichonse cha mbali imodzi nthaŵi zonse chimakhala chovulaza chifukwa chimakupangitsani kulephera kudziŵa zenizeni zenizeni.
Limerence Ndi Chikondi Chapoizoni M'chilengedwe - Zizindikiro 7 Zomwe Zimatero
Norman Mailer adalemba kuti, "Kutengeka ndi chinthu chokhacho chomwe chimawononga kwambiri anthu chifukwa chotengeka mtima mumangobwerera ndikubwerera ku funso lomwelo osapeza yankho." Ndikubetcha kuti mukuvomerezana naye mutatha kuwona magawo a limerence. Koma ndine munthu wadongosolo amene amangokonda mindandanda. Sasiya mpata wa kusamveka bwino. Kotero ndizo ndendende zomwe zikubwera.
Yakwana nthawi yoti mufufuze zizindikiro 7 zomwe zimatsimikizira kuti limerence ndi poizoni. Tikukhulupirira kuti kudzidziwitsa kudzakuthandizani kuti musakhale ndi khalidwe lodziwononga lokha pano.
1. Nambala 1 ndi ndani?
Osati inu, ndithudi. Chimodzi mwazovuta zoyamba za limerence ndi momwe zimasinthira zomwe mumayika patsogolo. Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza kuti: “Pamene mukuika munthu pamalo apamwamba, mwangozi mwangodziona kuti ndinu wofunika kwambiri. Iwo amaika patsogolo m’maganizo mwanu popeza kuti moyo wanu umakhala wovuta kwambiri.
Kudzidalira kumabweretsa mavuto kwa munthu m'maganizo, m'maganizo, komanso mwakuthupi. Munthu wina akakhala wofunika kwambiri, mwayi umakhala waukulu kwambiri. Mbali zina za moyo zimanyalanyazidwa; zofuna zanu, zosowa zanu, malingaliro anu, ndi zolinga zanu zimawonongeka chifukwa cha malingaliro odzikuza omwe amadzaza malingaliro anu. Mumaiwala momwe mungadzikondere nokha.
Yang'anani motere - mumayika chinthu choyamba (chimene mukuchifuna). Chinthu chodziwika bwino chimadziyikanso choyamba chifukwa samamva chimodzimodzi za inu. Pachithunzichi, kodi ubwino wanu uli pati?
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Kumatanthauza Chiyani Munthu Akakunyalanyazani?
2. Katundu wowonjezera (wamalingaliro).
Limerence ndi chizindikiro cha zovuta zomwe sizinathetsedwe m'mbuyomu. Makhalidwe osayenera amayambira pa zomwe takumana nazo komanso/kapena zaka zakubadwa. Timapangidwa ndi mndandanda wa zochitika ndi ndondomeko zomwe zimatikhudza kwambiri. Palibe chomwe chimachitika.
Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza mwachidule kuti, “Limerence ndi njira yachinyengo, ndipo chinyengo chilichonse chimathandiza kuti munthu asamachite zinthu mwadongosolo komanso kuti azisangalala pa moyo wake.
Mwina mwaona makolo anu akusudzulana muli ana. Kapena mwina banja lanu linali lankhanza kapena loipa. Mwina wakale wanu anali chidakwa cha mankhwala osokoneza bongo kapena chidakwa. Kaya mwakumana ndi vuto lotani, muli ndi mavuto ambiri amaganizo. Izi ndi zomwe zakupangitsani kukhala ndi zizindikiro za kusakhazikika.
3. Dziko, ndani?
Mofanana ndi nthenga yomwe ikuyandama m’mlengalenga, mumakhala mukukanthidwa ndi kamphepo kayeziyezi kachikondi. Ndinu amodzi ndi mitambo - kutali, kutali ndi zovuta za dziko. Amene umamukonda ndi amene umamuona… Chilichonse ndi chopepuka komanso cha mpweya… Zokongola… Ndiloleni ndikubwezereni pansi pang'onopang'ono.
Tikamalankhula za limerence vs chikondi, chosiyanitsa chimatuluka nthawi yomweyo. Limerence imabweretsa mikhalidwe yoyipa kwambiri mwa anthu. Amakhala okhumudwa, opusa, otengeka, olamulira, komanso osimidwa (zonse m'njira imodzi). Pokhala otalikirana kwambiri ndi dziko lapansi, amasokoneza kwambiri ntchito yawo ndi moyo wawo wamunthu. Koma chikondi…chikondi chokoma chimabweretsa zabwino mwa anthu.
Anthu omwe amakondana kwambiri ndi munthu wina ndi omwe ali ndi makhalidwe abwino kwambiri. Amadziona kuti ndi odzidalira kwambiri, amasangalala kwambiri, ndipo amachita zinthu molimbika. Kudzidalira kumakupangitsani kuti musamadziwe zomwe zikuchitika padziko lapansi. Komabe, mukuganiza kuti sizowopsa?
4. Kulephera kudziletsa
Ndikutanthauza, kutaya kudziletsa. Mukalola munthu kukhala ndi malo ambiri amaganizo, mumapereka mphamvu zambiri. Chinthu chapaderachi chimagwiritsa ntchito mphamvu pa momwe mukumvera komanso momwe mukumvera; pali ubale wapachindunji pakati pa zochita zawo ndi momwe mukumvera. Izi zimachokera ku zosowa ziwiri - kufunafuna chivomerezo chawo ndi kupewa kukanidwa kwawo. Koma njira yabwino yothetsera kukanidwa ndikukumana nako.
Dr. Bhonsle akufotokoza momveka bwino kuti, “Mantha okana kukanidwa ndi amphamvu kwambiri, ndipo ndingowonjezera, amphamvu kwambiri.
Mwachitsanzo, mumatsitsa mawu ku chinthu chanu chodziwika bwino, kuwaitanira kuphwando. Iwo ali otanganidwa ndi chinachake ndipo amayankha maola angapo pambuyo pake. Poona izi ngati kusakhudzidwa ndi mapeto awo, mumamira mumchenga wachisoni ndi chisoni ndi chisoni.
Kuwerenga Kofanana: Kodi Ndingatani Kuti Ndisiye Chikondi Chokha? Katswiri Wathu Akukuuzani…
5. Lolani masewera amalingaliro ayambike - Zizindikiro za kusowa tulo
Anthu omwe ali ndi chidwi chochita zinthu monyanyira amatha kuchita zinthu monyanyira chifukwa cha 'chikondi'. Kunyenga, kunyoza, kunyoza ena , kudziimba mlandu, kuopseza ena, ndi kudzudzula ena ndi zitsanzo zingapo (mwa zambiri). Ndipo nayi nkhani yoopsa - chinthu chonyanyiracho sichingadziwe konse za masewera omwe akuseweredwa m'maganizo mwa munthuyo.
Popeza kuti limerence imatsogolera ku ubale wabodza m'malingaliro amunthu, amaganiza kuti chinthu chodziwika bwino chikutenga nawo mbali ngakhale palibe. Ndiwo okhawo omwe alipo mu mgwirizano woganiziridwa. Zinthu zikafika povuta, khalidweli limakhala loopsa komanso losalongosoka.
Dr. Bhonsle anatchula zinthu zoopsa zimene zingachitike m'tsogolomu, kuti: “Zikafika poipa kwambiri, kuchita zinthu mwaukali kungachititse kuti munthu azingofuna kumuvutitsa ndi kumuvutitsa.
6. Myopia mu-opia yanu
Monga tafotokozera kale, limerence imakupangitsani kuwona munthu wina ngati wosalakwitsa. Mumakhala wakhungu ku zolakwa zawo chifukwa cha masomphenya anu opapatiza. Ngati chinthu chodziwika bwino ndi munthu wapoizoni - wovutitsa, wokonda kugonana, wosankhana mitundu, kapena wozunza - mutha kuzunzidwa nawo. Ndipo izinso zidzatsimikiziridwa (ndi kukondedwa) ndi malingaliro anu. Simungathe kutanthauzira limerence popanda mawu oti 'zopanda nzeru.'
Mudzataya mphamvu yodziyimira nokha pazochitika zina. Kudziyimira pawokha kumakuikani pamalo ovuta kwambiri chifukwa mumalola anthu kuswa malire aliwonse amalingaliro . Mosakayikira, mumalola chinthu chofookacho kukuzungulirani. Monga momwe Mahatma Gandhi adanenera mwanzeru, "Sindingaganize za kutayika kwakukulu kuposa kutaya ulemu wa munthu."
Apanso ndi pamene chikondi chimasiyana modumphadumpha. Ubale wachikondi umatanthawuza kukhala ndi malingaliro oyenera a mnzanuyo ndikuvomereza zolakwa zake. Mu limerence vs chikondi, chomalizachi nthawi zonse chimapangitsa ulemu ndi kukula.
7. Zotsatira zoyipa
Ngakhale kutengeka mtima ndi crystallization ndizosangalatsa mwachilengedwe, gawo lomaliza la limerence ndi loyipa kwambiri. Panthawi ina, munthu amazindikira kuti chinthu chawo chodziwika bwino sichiyenera kuchita sewero. Koma kuzindikira uku sikumabwera chifukwa chosungulumwa - mumapeza mphatso za bonasi za mkwiyo, kukhumudwa, chisoni, ndi tsoka.
Kubwereranso ku mkhalidwe umenewu kungatenge nthawi kwa munthuyo. Iwo amayamba kugunda pansi mwamtundu uliwonse ndi zizindikiro kuti limerence ikutha. Pamenepa, kufunafuna thandizo la akatswiri ndiyo njira yabwino kwambiri yochitira. Dr. Bhonsle anati: “Pemphani kwa phungu kapena dokotala kuti akuuzeni bwinobwino zimene mukuima. M’zochitika zovuta kwambiri, dokotala wa matenda amisala angakhalenso chosankha chabwino.
Anthu ambiri atuluka m'mavuto amaganizo mothandizidwa ndi akatswiri azaumoyo wamaganizo. Mutha kupempha thandizo kwa akatswiri azachipatala ndi alangizi omwe ali ndi zilolezo pa gulu la Bonobology kuti awunike bwino vuto lanu. Kuchira ndi kosavuta.
Apa tikufika kumapeto kwa kalozera wathunthu wa limerence. Ndi chisomo cha Mulungu ndi nzeru zina, simudzagwera mumsampha uwu. Kodi mukudziwa zomwe zakukonzerani? Kulumikizana kwenikweni ndi munthu amene mumamukondadi. Ikubwera njira yanu, ingodikirani. Mpaka nthawi imeneyo, yesetsani kuchita zinthu mwanzeru. Ndikufunirani zabwino zonse - ndikutsanzikanani ndi adieu!
Ibibazo
Sindikudziwa ngati 'zoyambitsa' ndi mawu olondola. Chiyambi cha limerence chimapezeka muubwana wa munthu wokhala ndi mavuto m'banja kapena makolo ake omwe anali ankhanza. Mofananamo, maubwenzi akale mwina adakhudza njira yawo yolumikizirana ndi chibwenzi. Limerence nthawi zonse imachokera ku mavuto osathetsedwa, katundu wamaganizo , ndi/kapena kuvulala kosakonzedwa.
Malinga ndi Dorothy Tennov, yemwe adapanga mawuwa, limerence imatha kukhala pakati pa miyezi 18 mpaka zaka zitatu. Zimasiyana ndi kukula kwa malingaliro a munthu. Ngati chikokacho chikhala chogwirizana pamapeto pake, malingalirowo amakhala amphamvu.
Funso lomwe lakambidwa kwambiri silinagwirizane ndi akatswiri. Ena amati inde, ena amati ayi. Koma kafukufuku wa Tennov akuwoneka kuti akuwonetsa kuti maubwenzi odziwika bwino ndi osakhazikika komanso opanda thanzi.
Kodi Kuphwanya Kumatenga Nthawi Yaitali Bwanji Ndipo Njira 11 Zothetsera
Momwe Mungapirire Ngati Mwasweka Pa Munthu Amene Muli Pa Ubale
Chopereka chanu sichikutanthauza chopereka chachifundo . Chidzalola Bonobology kupitiliza kukubweretserani chidziwitso chatsopano komanso chaposachedwa poyesetsa kuthandiza aliyense padziko lonse lapansi kuphunzira momwe angachitire chilichonse.
